0:00:31 > 0:00:35I'm getting rather anxious, Connie, about Stinker Parsloe.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- I wish you wouldn't call him that. - Who?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- Stinker - I mean, Sir Gregory. - Fat pig competition coming on, eh?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Bet your life the fellow's up to no good.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48So, I've taken the precaution of inviting Galahad down from London.
0:00:48 > 0:00:52- What?- I knew you'd be pleased, he's so resourceful in a crisis.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54I do not allow Galahad to visit Blandings.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Connie, Galahad's our little brother.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59Every time he sets foot in the house something reprehensible occurs!
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Poor Bishop Bostock,
0:01:01 > 0:01:04drinking such a large glass of water and finding it was vodka.
0:01:04 > 0:01:05Ah, well, yes.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Subsequently, we did have the pleasure of seeing Bostock
0:01:08 > 0:01:09do the cancan!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12I've always wondered what senior clergy wore under their raiment.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15If Galahad causes me the slightest embarrassment,
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I shall saw off your head
0:01:16 > 0:01:19and drop kick it into the herbaceous border!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21What, from here? No.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26Seriously, though, Connie, porcine subterfuge from Stinker.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- We must be on our guard.- Oh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Come on, Your Majesty. Come on, Sweetheart.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Oh, Lovely Empress. Good girl.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44'You are such a grotesquely bloated pig.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48'Bloated. Bloated.'
0:01:49 > 0:01:52You simply could not eat another thing...
0:01:54 > 0:01:55..however tasty...
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I have here, Binstead, a plate of the very finest sticky willies.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Do help yourself.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- No, thanks.- Ha!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15HE LAUGHS
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- Morning! - Morning, sir.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38I say!
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Fabulous! She goes like a bird.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51But I think I'll wait for the supercharger.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55- Gally!- Freddie! Hello, my boy.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- I say, is that yours? - Test drive.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02- You're going to buy a Lagonda? - Don't be silly. I needed a lift.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Will you find your way back all right? Good man.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10Yes. Matter of fact, it suits me to be back in the old hovel.
0:03:10 > 0:03:11I want some peace.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15I need to squeeze my buxom muse till her pretty pips squeak.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- What do you need, my boy? - Oh, erm, money.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Of course. May our innermost desires be granted.
0:03:25 > 0:03:29- Beach, you hound! - Mr Galahad.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Did you put your vest on Baby Bones to romp it at Kempton Park?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- I did, sir, thank you for the advice.- Good man.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Your usual mid-morning refreshment, sir?
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Oh, first of the day,
0:03:38 > 0:03:42except for the one I had at breakfast. Cheers.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46Right, young Freddie. Let's say "boo" to your old man, shall we?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Beach! Splendid.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- Galahad is here. - I've been thinking about Galahad.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06Capital! How clever of you to invite him down!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Galahad!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Dear old Clarence! Hello, sis.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Oh!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Little trick I picked up in the Cavalry.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- You were never in the cavalry. - The club, not the regiment.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Galahad, what is your purpose?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20On Earth, generally, to sprinkle joy and gladness.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23At Blandings, to recollect the telling detail
0:04:23 > 0:04:27that makes the simply sensational, gripping.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- What? - I'm writing my memoirs.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33Memoirs! What a marvellous idea! Have you got a title?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- Hallo To All This. - Oh, very good.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Boko Bagshot, Dogface Weeks, Binky Bender, Fruity Biffen,
0:04:39 > 0:04:44Fatty Coleman, Stiffy Halliday, Buffy Struggles!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47All those reckless, roistering gay blades!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Young Parsloe, even.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Great Mayfair days, Freddie. They called me The Shadow.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54For ever marauding, never captured.
0:04:54 > 0:04:59At the Pink Pussy, you know, they call me Flat, Unfurnished!
0:04:59 > 0:05:02It's a joke, apparently, about my head. I couldn't care less.
0:05:02 > 0:05:06People say I'm ignorant, I don't even know the meaning of the word!
0:05:06 > 0:05:07Ha! That's the spirit, my boy.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10A fellow your age ought to be a beau sabreur about town.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Oh, oh, but Galahad, London. Frightful.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17All sorts of ghastly people coagulate in London.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Once, quite incredible, I dined at the Senior Conservative
0:05:21 > 0:05:23and the waiter served me up a rubber hot-water bottle
0:05:23 > 0:05:25with chipped potatoes.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27By no means incredible, Clarence.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30For who was it, masquerading as a wrinkled retainer of your club?
0:05:30 > 0:05:34Your neighbour, Stinker Parsloe.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Remember him, strutting about in front of Buckingham Palace,
0:05:36 > 0:05:38with a soup tureen on his head
0:05:38 > 0:05:41and a stick of celery down his breeches singing Call Me Whoopsy!
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Ha!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- It's all in my book.- Galahad...
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Absolutely! Disgusting behaviour.
0:05:48 > 0:05:52Not to mention the hideous incident of the prawns.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55THEY LAUGH
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- I remember that! - No, you do not.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01On that note, I must telephone the Mammoth Publishing Company.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Talk amongst yourselves. Toodle-oo.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I shall enjoy reading Galahad's book.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15No, you won't.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19If this book is published,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23the entire family will be ostracised.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Everybody we know will be polluted by his regurgitation
0:06:27 > 0:06:30of their youthful indiscretions!
0:06:30 > 0:06:32It's your fault he's here, Clarence,
0:06:32 > 0:06:36you shuddering jelly of imbecility.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37He must be stopped.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- By you!- Oh...
0:06:40 > 0:06:43HE MUMBLES INCOHERENTLY
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Excellent. Excellent.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- I shall surrender my manuscript to your courier. Name again?- 'Drabble.'
0:06:51 > 0:06:56- Drabble. If Drabble could bring cash? - 'Certainly, sir.'
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Splendid, splendid, thank you so much.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Erm...- Connie has sent you here to tell me something.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07She has, Galahad. She has indeed.
0:07:07 > 0:07:12Yes. Now, look here...erm...
0:07:12 > 0:07:15She fears the wrath of those hypocritical bounders
0:07:15 > 0:07:17like young Parsloe when I blow the gaff
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- on their juvenile high-jinkery, yes? - Yes.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22But are we intimidated by Connie?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23- Yes.- No, we are not.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26She's chucking her weight about, Clarence, it's not be borne.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28- You should have sat on her head in the nursery.- Oh...
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Now, Beach, is it time for a drink?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Cook wishes to know if you will be dining here this evening, sir?
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Your eyelid's twitching. That's a tell. What are you concealing?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe is also dining here this evening.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh, no!
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Is he? Is he?
0:07:46 > 0:07:51Clarence, do you think Cook could be persuaded to serve us prawns?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Oh!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56HE CHUCKLES
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- Beach?- I shall see if it can be arranged, sir.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Excellent!
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Just pointless! Just pointless.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Well, no, not really, actually, the gooey bit at the bottom...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Asking your father to do anything.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21He couldn't influence his way out of a straw hat.
0:08:23 > 0:08:27- What have you come here for? - Erm...lunch.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29I mean, to Blandings.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- You need money, don't you? - No! No, no, no.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- How much?- 50 quid. Bit of a mix up at the Pink Pussy.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38I shudder. I wish to hear no more.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I will settle this debt for you, Freddie.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45On the condition...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48that you find your uncle's filthy manuscript and bring it to me.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52On no account must it be allowed to reach the publisher.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Mammoth could ruin Blandings.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16I think, Freddie, I shall adjourn to my office.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Office?- Others know it as the conservatory.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Do you mind tootling down to the bus stop to scoop up a certain
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Les Drabble, from my publishers?
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Rather important business. - How will I know him?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30He's a fetcher and carrier, so I imagine he'll have a soft hat,
0:09:30 > 0:09:32a poorly-shaven chin and the glazed expression
0:09:32 > 0:09:35of the paunched and bored.
0:09:35 > 0:09:39Always carry a false bottom, Freddie. That's my advice.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Thin. Thin.
0:09:54 > 0:09:59Your only desire is to be the thinnest pig in the world.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04What's the matter with you, you stupid animal,
0:10:04 > 0:10:07can't you understand English? Concentrate!
0:10:07 > 0:10:12Now, food, urgh.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15The very thought of it disgusts you...
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Food...
0:10:21 > 0:10:22Urgh...
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Whatever are you doing?
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I'm not doing anything. I was merely going out for a stroll.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Thought I'd take a look at your pig.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31And, erm...
0:10:31 > 0:10:33check her pulse.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Yes, I am researching...pig pulses.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Pig pulses?
0:10:40 > 0:10:44Yes. I'll expand on the matter later this evening.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46When I...
0:10:46 > 0:10:48dine with you.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Well, I call this a rum business, Stinker.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56And if you were still here,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58you'd be very chastened to hear that.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23I say, are you looking for somebody?
0:11:23 > 0:11:28Oh, snap! I had to meet someone, but I missed him - the Mammoth.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31- Oh. Have you got a name? - Oh, Freddie Threepwood.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33No, I mean for the Mammoth?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Oh...erm...can't remember.
0:11:35 > 0:11:40A name befitting a soft man with a poorly-shaven hat
0:11:40 > 0:11:42who used to be a glazier.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44- With a paunch.- Drabble?
0:11:44 > 0:11:48That sort of thing. Ears like cauliflowers, probably a nose, too!
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Mission was to whizz him up to Blandings to fetch a manuscript.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Also, to stop him getting it.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Family honour in peril, and so forth.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Well, never mind. I tried, that's the main thing.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Oh, look, there's a pub. Care for a drinky?
0:11:59 > 0:12:02How very kind, but I rather have to get to Blandings Castle.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07Aha! Well, there...I may be of service to you, Miss...?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Just...call me Lesley.- Oh, Lesley!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- People tend to forget my surname.- Oh.
0:12:24 > 0:12:28HE SNORES
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Close, Connie, but no cigar.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02If you publish this disgusting book, we shall never speak again!
0:13:02 > 0:13:03And there are other benefits.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05The name of our family will for ever be associated
0:13:05 > 0:13:08with fearless exposure of the sordid truth.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Why do you affect this preposterous monocle?
0:13:10 > 0:13:12To amuse you, my dear.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14What?
0:13:21 > 0:13:22Freddie, my boy!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Uncle Gally?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26I'm afraid I missed your Drabble.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30But look what I found instead. This is Lesley.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33I say! My dear, you must imagine that
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I'd leap up and bow to kiss your hand.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Are you Galahad Threepwood?
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Large as life and twice as likely to escape arrest.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42However do you tolerate being called Les?
0:13:42 > 0:13:43I've been called worse.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49(Your nephew's very charming. Please get rid of him.)
0:13:49 > 0:13:50Yes.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53Freddie, Lesley and I should like to have a moment alone.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Blimey. That is...
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- Yes, of course. - Goodbye.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02My dear.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06£500!
0:14:06 > 0:14:11Another 500 on this date every year for as long as the book sells.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13And, boy, is it going to sell!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Would it surprise you to learn that all my adult life I have been more
0:14:16 > 0:14:18acquainted with the chink of coin than the rustle of paper?
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Not at all. I am the same.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Why else would I work as bagman for a bunch of thugs like Mammoth?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Miss Drabble, I don't suppose...? - No.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Quite. Absolutely.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Would I were 20 minutes younger.
0:14:31 > 0:14:32So, then...
0:14:33 > 0:14:35..to business.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48How's that?
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Perfect, my lord.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Look here, Beach, tonight.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Parsloe on the premises.
0:14:56 > 0:14:57Yes, my lord.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02You and I both know Stinker plays a dirty game when it comes to pigs.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04However, my sister is of the view that rather than punching
0:15:04 > 0:15:07the blighter on the snout, I should be civil to him.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Neighbour, and so forth.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Indeed, my lord.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I have taken the liberty of seating Sir Gregory
0:15:13 > 0:15:16next to Lady Constance, away from Your Lordship.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Sitting with you is a Miss Drabble.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20Capital. Capital, capital.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Oh, capital! Who's she?
0:15:23 > 0:15:27No, it doesn't matter, I shall look forward to her company. Oh, Beach...
0:15:32 > 0:15:34..shall there be prawns for dinner?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37I believe there shall, my lord.
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Goody.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46You haven't got it, have you?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Well...
0:15:48 > 0:15:52in the strictest sense that it is not quite in my possession, no.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Freddie, if you fail me in this,
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I shall take you to the zoological gardens
0:15:57 > 0:16:01and feed you to the lizards in thin, bloody slices.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- The lizards?- Have you ever seen lizards eating meat?- Oh...
0:16:04 > 0:16:06No, wait, I haven't finished.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Who is this young woman you've suddenly produced?
0:16:08 > 0:16:12Oh, yes, she's rather jolly, isn't she? I met her at the bus stop.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15The bus stop?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Freddie, if brains were dynamite,
0:16:17 > 0:16:19you couldn't blow the fuzz off a peach.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22- Erm...- Don't speak. Get the book.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55"How to Discourage Eating By Association With Nausea."
0:17:01 > 0:17:04HIS STOMACH CHURNS
0:17:04 > 0:17:07'Food...urgh...'
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I understand that you walked here this evening, Sir Gregory.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16HIS STOMACH CHURNS
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You do not care for soup?
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Please, don't say that word. It has an unpleasant resonance.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Something simpler, sir?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28I could bring up a runny egg?
0:17:28 > 0:17:29HIS STOMACH CHURNS
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Should I...bring that up, sir?
0:17:33 > 0:17:35For God's sake, man, go away.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43Did you hear, Clarence? Sir Gregory walked here this evening.
0:17:43 > 0:17:45What?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47What is required of me, do you think?
0:17:47 > 0:17:48Sympathy?
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Oh... Lost your chauffeur, eh, Stinker?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55You can't lord it over chauffeurs, you know.
0:17:55 > 0:17:59Proud sort of people. Write him a letter of apology.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Clarence...- Pig pulses...
0:18:03 > 0:18:06- I like to walk.- Yes.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07Time was, young Parsloe,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10you used to like ride round on a slab of beef, hmm?
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Remember when Puffy Benger hoisted half a cow
0:18:12 > 0:18:15so it was suspended over those debs, and you took it upon yourself...
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I remember no such thing.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19It's just as well that I do then, isn't it?
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- It's all in my book.- What book?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24- (My book now. - Mmm, keep that under your chapeau.)
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Such a prodigious memory!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I take my hat off to anybody who can remember anything at all.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Let alone the story of the prawns.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37- What?- Ah, yes. The strange case of the curiously-wedged crustaceans.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Deserving of an entire chapter! Ha-ha!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43There you were the next morning rushing up and down Brook Street
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- sprinkling fivers like confetti. - Galahad!
0:18:45 > 0:18:48I forbid you, sir, ever to mention that matter.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Should've given me a fiver, then, I might have forgotten about it.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Prawns! Capital!
0:18:57 > 0:19:00HIS STOMACH CHURNS
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Sir Gregory, I entreat you...
0:19:07 > 0:19:10You cannot conceive the retribution society shall wreak
0:19:10 > 0:19:13if that book of Threepwood's is published.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Damn it, Constance, you're a good woman,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17but you are disgraced by your family.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21I cannot associate with you until you have resolved this... Oh!
0:19:22 > 0:19:25I wish you good evening.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33THEY LAUGH
0:19:35 > 0:19:37He thought he'd got away with it,
0:19:37 > 0:19:39because he still had the pink, frilly knickers over his face!
0:19:39 > 0:19:43But there it was - a little trail of shells, right across Mayfair!
0:19:43 > 0:19:47THEY LAUGH
0:19:47 > 0:19:52LAUGHTER PETERS OUT
0:19:52 > 0:19:54That'll be all, thank you, Beach.
0:19:54 > 0:19:59- My lady.- Freddie, would you escort your guest...from the room?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Do not move.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Clarence...
0:20:04 > 0:20:07if you fail to prevent the publication of this book,
0:20:07 > 0:20:11you will have to spend the rest of your life in London,
0:20:11 > 0:20:14grovelling to atone for your brother's atrocious behaviour -
0:20:14 > 0:20:18trying to redeem the name of Emsworth.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20London?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22All your life.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23And on the way to the station,
0:20:23 > 0:20:27you might as well deliver your pig directly to Sir Gregory.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It might go some way to appeasing him for this evening,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32but I doubt it.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34In the meantime,
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I am going to my room!
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Your aunt's quite a power, Mr Threepwood.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49You must forgive me, Miss Lesley, if I am a little preoccupied.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51It was essential, you see,
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- that I accosted this fetcher and carrier bloke.- Don't despair.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58You might still be able to do a bit of accosting.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02SNAP! Ah! Ruddy thing.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Who's that?
0:21:04 > 0:21:05Must be Drabble.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Ow! Where the ruddy hell am I?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20Gotcha!
0:21:20 > 0:21:22You shaven-paunched carrier!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Take that!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Now, where's the manuscript?
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Right. Well, that was exciting.- Yes.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Oh!
0:21:43 > 0:21:47But I don't want to spend the rest of my life in London.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50I don't want to spend the rest of my life scrabbling for pennies.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Trains that go under the earth,
0:21:53 > 0:21:56cars honking and belching.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Signs in parks that say, "Don't do this", "Don't do that."
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Flowers one can't even touch and the air, Galahad!
0:22:01 > 0:22:04- There's no air... - Clarence. Stop it.- What?
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Staring into the abyss. Step back from it.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10I shall not let this terrible thing happen to you.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13I don't entirely follow.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14I know you don't.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Stay here. Have another beaker of the blushful Hippocrene.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I'm off to settle Connie's hash.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Oh! Oh... Oh, Galahad.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34- Right.- How dare you?
0:22:34 > 0:22:36I dare because I love my brother.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39And even though it is my firm conviction, Connie,
0:22:39 > 0:22:42that Clarence should have stuffed your face repeatedly
0:22:42 > 0:22:44into the nursery carpet to stunt the growth
0:22:44 > 0:22:47of your ridiculous pettiness and snobbery,
0:22:47 > 0:22:48I love you, too.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Galahad, if you use the word "love" one more time,
0:22:51 > 0:22:54it may be necessary for me to sink my teeth into your larynx!
0:22:54 > 0:22:59I've decided that Hallo To All This is not for publication.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Don't believe you. - I don't blame you. But it's true.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Mammoth must forfeit their golden goose.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Give me the book.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08You're not old enough to read it.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Give me the book.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Yes, erm, actually, that's not possible,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15because I've already given it to the courier.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17I just have to pop and get it back from her.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27HE GROANS
0:23:27 > 0:23:28Do you think he's dead?
0:23:28 > 0:23:31People tend not to gurgle when they're dead.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Urgh! God!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Be tough with him.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Talk at him out of the side of your mouth.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38Oh, erm...
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Now, look here.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Hand it over and I won't get hurt.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Oh, no, no... I mean...
0:23:45 > 0:23:48Hand what over? I haven't got any money.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Oh, well, that much we have in common. But I want the manuscript.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55What manuscript? What does it look like?
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Like this!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I can't see. I've got a ruddy sack on my head.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00I tell you, if my hands weren't tied...
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- Your hands are not tied.- Huh?
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Oh...
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- You?!- You?- Him!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Me! Hello, everybody.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17My God, Threepwood, you'll suffer for this!
0:24:17 > 0:24:20- Well, which Threepwood will be doing the suffering?- Neither.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22He'll calm down in a minute when he hears what I have to say.
0:24:22 > 0:24:26Miss Drabble, absolutely delightful to find you still here.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29If you weren't so damned pretty, this would break my heart.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I return my fee.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35All right by me if you lose it on the way home,
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- you deserve a raise. - What is all this?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39The mark of a gentleman, Parsloe,
0:24:39 > 0:24:43to recognise when a caper has become a liability that may cause harm.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Miss Drabble? Thank you.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I don't trust you, Threepwood. You'll print it privately.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Excellent idea, but no.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54As for trust, cocky, behold -
0:24:54 > 0:24:56the chapter of the prawns.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02There we go, darling.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Now, young Parsloe, go home and have a bath.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15We shall not speak of what has passed this night.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23I'm afraid I said that with my fingers crossed.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- Now, Freddie, did Connie offer you a reward?- Oh...
0:25:25 > 0:25:27If she gives you any trouble,
0:25:27 > 0:25:29go straight to the medicine cupboard in Beach's pantry.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Concealed therein is an account of your aunt sprinting round
0:25:32 > 0:25:35the rose garden wearing a wicker basket and nothing else.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37- Great snakes! Why, for a bet? - A bet, of course,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40but, fortunately, I was there to record the whole event.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Now, you young people will be wanting to kiss each other bonkers,
0:25:43 > 0:25:44so I bid you good night.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Toodle-oo.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Is life always like this at Blandings?
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- Lord, no. Sometimes it can get quite hectic.- Oh...
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Look, what he said...
0:25:56 > 0:25:57I shouldn't want you to...
0:26:08 > 0:26:13I sat next to the most charming girl tonight at dinner.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Can't remember her name.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19- Lesley.- No, don't think it was Lesley.
0:26:19 > 0:26:23One of those names that fits both boys and girls.
0:26:23 > 0:26:24Hamish, possibly.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Clarence, in your time, have you met many girls called Hamish?
0:26:30 > 0:26:34My dear fellow, Hamish is a boy's name.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37I thought so. Just checking.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Your thundering good health.
0:26:45 > 0:26:49About your book, Galahad. Have you made arrangements for it?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I have, Clarence, yes.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- I have.- Well...
0:27:04 > 0:27:08Beach, I am so sorry to trespass upon you at this hour,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11but the excitements of the evening have given me rather a headache.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Could I have one of your wonderful powders?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Yes, of course, your ladyship.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Oh... Erm...
0:27:26 > 0:27:27What have you got there?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Nothing, my lady. Bit of rubbish.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31Give it to me.
0:27:35 > 0:27:40'Her modesty, what remained of it, defended by a small, wicker basket.'
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Yes. Quite right, Beach. Utter preposterous rubbish.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- Shall I dispose of it? - No, no, no. Thank you, Beach,
0:27:50 > 0:27:52I have a perfectly adequate basket...
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- HE STIFLES LAUGHTER - ..in my room.