0:00:18 > 0:00:21COCKEREL CROWS
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Ah, Beach. Brisk this morning, eh?
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Have we still got, um, Lady Constance's new friend with us?
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Er...?
0:01:24 > 0:01:25Lady Cloughley, my lord. We do.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30I cannot understand why my sister won't let me meet her.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Making me have my dinner up here.
0:01:32 > 0:01:35I cannot imagine, m'lord.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39Is it still your lordship's intention to travel to London this morning?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41What?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Where..where...where...where....
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Who... Who says I have to go to London?
0:01:46 > 0:01:49Lady Constance has arranged for his lordship to stay at his club.
0:01:49 > 0:01:54Has she, forsooth? Well, His lordship isn't ruddy going.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56She can stick that in her pope and smike it.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00London. Hah!
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Heinous metropolis!
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Glory be to God for dappled things!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I do look forward to meeting Clarence.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- It's so sad he couldn't dine with us last night.- Yes.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25The Arch told me he was such fun at school.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27The Archbishop. Gerald. My brother.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Ha-ha! Well, I fear, Drusilla,
0:02:31 > 0:02:34you may be denied that pleasure altogether.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Clarence is away this week. On retreat.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Is he? Oh, bully for him.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46The Arch approves of prayer in isolation.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Denying pleasure is for me, of course, a way of life.
0:02:50 > 0:02:55What is more, dear, I thoroughly endorse the heating arrangements.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56There are none.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Precisely.
0:02:58 > 0:03:03Yes, this "central heating" that people have - I think it decadent.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08I feel sure that it inspires all manner of immoderate
0:03:08 > 0:03:11communion between the sexes.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17I am well insulated from such corruption.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20Good.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22By my leathern gusset.
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Now - come along.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27CAR HORN
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Oh! Company.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I hear the crunch of gravel.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Here we are - Blandings Castle!
0:03:53 > 0:03:57Oh, my goodness. This is just so cute.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Don't you think it's cute, Mr Grumman?
0:03:59 > 0:04:01As hell. Are we going in, or what?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Of course. All very jolly inside.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Guaranteed a warm welcome here.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11Hello?
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Hello?
0:04:16 > 0:04:18Shop?
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Oh!
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Ah, Beach. Didn't recognise you with a sock on your head.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30This is Mr Jerry Grumman, visiting us from Hollywood.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33And Miss Pauline Petite, also of that parish.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40Observe the puceness of the butlerly pate. He's a fan.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Indeed, Mr Frederick. I have the lady's pantograph in my photry.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Oh, that's swell.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Let's all buy each other flowers.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Freddie, the talent is icing up.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Even her goose bumps are getting goose bumps.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Yes, Brynhilde must be up to her usual nonsense.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58The boiler.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh, Beach.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04On the QT, I've written a scenario.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06It's called A Woman's Price.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Grumman's minded to make the picture with Miss Petite as the star.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11You may well gasp!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13And I'm trying to flog him the family shack as the backdrop.
0:05:13 > 0:05:18He's agreed to do a bit of a camera test. Script fee, location fee.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Ker-ching!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Pull this off and crinkle-wise, I'll be sitting in a bucket of cream.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27Oh, also, I might be in with a yodel with Miss Petite.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Really rather gone on her. Beach?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Sorry, sir. When did you last see your father?
0:05:34 > 0:05:35Eh?
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Oh, no. He hasn't still got the face fungus, has he?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Look, just draw the guv'nor aside and tell him
0:05:42 > 0:05:44the whole of Shropshire is sniggering up its sleeve.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I cannot, Mr Frederick.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49It is without my mandate to remark on his lordship's appearance.
0:05:49 > 0:05:54Oh, yes, yes, of course, I see that. Without your what?
0:05:54 > 0:05:57To venture such a criticism, I should first have to resign my position.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Good God, you can't do that!
0:05:59 > 0:06:01You've got to coax Brynhilde into fiery glory!
0:06:01 > 0:06:05And Miss Petite's alabaster skin is horripilating.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Frederick? Who are all these unlikely people?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Oh, they're making, um...
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Um...come to fix the heating.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23Is it your intention to make a feature film here, Mr Frederick,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26without anybody finding out?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32Brilliant. As ever, Beach, top advice. Thank you.
0:06:40 > 0:06:46Benedicas benedicat, per Jesum Christum, Dominum nostrum. Amen.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Amen.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Have you considered giving yourself to Jesus?
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Well, we've never actually discussed it specifically.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Who are you?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Is this catering?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Where are the franks?
0:07:12 > 0:07:16They are, I believe, a loose confederation of Germanic peoples.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17So... Germany, one hopes.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Who's in charge around here?
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Ah... Beach.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Beach, eh?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Hey, baby. You Beach?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Generally later in the day.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50# My heart was free
0:07:50 > 0:07:54# I rose, went forth
0:07:54 > 0:07:57# And followed Thee. #
0:07:57 > 0:08:01I thought you'd gone. What on earth are you doing?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05We're giving ourself to Jesus.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09I see. Well, would you mind awfully just going somewhere else?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12No. Not at all. Excuse me.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18That bearded person is very odd.
0:08:18 > 0:08:23Yes. Yes, he is, isn't he?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25In fact, he's a tramp.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28His name...
0:08:30 > 0:08:31..is Whiffle.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36And you allow this Whiffle the run of the house? Oh, Constance.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39What a remarkable kindness to the disadvantaged.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42I think I shall make Mr Whiffle my project.
0:08:42 > 0:08:43No, I really wouldn't bother, dear.
0:08:43 > 0:08:48No, I insist. I shall gather this lost lamb unto my bosom.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53There's some interesting fungus in the shrubbery.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09So is your father really a lord?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13I mean, that's like a king or something. Do I have to curtsy when I speak to him?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15No. No. But you may have to say things twice.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Is he hard of hearing?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Bit hard of thinking.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Huh. I bet he's a very wise man. - Hey!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23This guy, the Duck of Warlow.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26The Duck, yes. The Vile Seducer.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27He's the babe hound.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31So what we need is some schmo already to stand in for the action.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- Oh, well... - Not you. Somebody older.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Like me.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43Er, Mr Grumman? I have just the man.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Freddie! Freddie, now listen to me.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Lady Cloughley must not discover that your father is your father.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00Right. Who is he?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Your father. But she must not know this.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Do you see?
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Um...- The beard, Freddie. Heavens above!
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Are you on top of all these plumbers?
0:10:10 > 0:10:11What plumbers?
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Oh, the plumbers. Absolutely.
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Hullo, Frederick.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- I have no idea who you are.- What?
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- That the sort of thing you mean? - Yes. You said you were going to your club!
0:10:22 > 0:10:26No, no - YOU said I was going to my club. Not the same thing at all.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28The members are already dead.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31You could've sat there completely happily, completely unnoticed.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34- Oh, go and play with your pig. - Capital idea.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Anything to prevent any further intercourse with Drusilla Cloughley.
0:10:37 > 0:10:43I will not have this friendship compromised by your ludicrous facial growth.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47The third and fourth earl both wore facial hair.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50And look what happened to them. They died.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Is everything all right?
0:10:53 > 0:10:56No cause for alarm, Lady Fluffly. I'm just going to see my pig.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59The pig lives in the house?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02And you allow the village idiot the run of the place, out of charity.
0:11:02 > 0:11:07Oh, Connie, you are magnificent.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Come. You are my special project.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Let us go into the drawing room.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15No - you can't! It's full of plumbers.
0:11:15 > 0:11:20Now, you need to arrange the servants' shoes.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- Connie? - He'll be quite happy in there.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Now Drusilla, this time of day,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28I like to fall to my knees and give thanks.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Hallelujah! Let us do so.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33On my own. Do excuse me.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Connie?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Oh! Right. That's it. I resign!
0:11:53 > 0:11:57I did not come into butling to suffer beards, spanners and viscous slime.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59No, no, no. Beach! You don't understand.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Miss Petite needs to be morally tormented.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06And you...are just the man to do it. Come on.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Hey, honey!
0:12:13 > 0:12:18Goodness. Such apparatus.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21These are the basics, doll. For a test we travel light.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24You make a "kinema" picture of your work?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You find that helps?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Yeah. It helps.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Well, I trust you'll make it really hot.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34A broad who likes it hot.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36We'll do our best, lady.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Freddie is so charming, you know.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Of course he's charming. He's a swish.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53You're kidding me. Freddie shoots mink from the hip?
0:12:53 > 0:12:58All Englishmen is the same. It's a miracle they can breed.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Er, Miss Petite? I have your Vile Seducer!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16But sir, you do not understand.
0:13:16 > 0:13:21My aunt is a toboggan-faced old trout who is bound to cut up rough!
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Is this really how they spoke in medieval England?
0:13:23 > 0:13:26Oh, take it from me. And you're doing it perfectly.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30Oh, Freddie. You don't have to pretend with me.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Just be true to yourself, huh?
0:13:33 > 0:13:36I tell you - men, I've had 'em up to here.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40It's so rare to meet a guy who doesn't want to, you know...
0:13:40 > 0:13:41No! No!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43But I do want to, "you know".
0:13:43 > 0:13:49Even the feeblest amount of "you know" would sustain me for years.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- Dolores? Let's go already. - Come on, out you go.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Places, c'mon. Quiet. All right. We're going to rehearse.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57OK.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Cue the Duck.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03And the Duck speaks.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09All the time, you poke me.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- Provoke me. - Provoke me. You pittle lopsy.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Erm...would you put your back into it, Beach?
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- Would you like to put your arm around my waist?- Yes, please. - I was addressing Mr Beach.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20C'mon, Duck, put some gas into it.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22On page two you're gonna tear her buttons off.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26And try not to go puce.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28Just say the damn line like you mean it.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31But all the time you provoke me! You little popsy!
0:14:33 > 0:14:34Ahhhhh!
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Now her, I like. Does she have an agent?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Freddie, do something!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50You snake in the grass!
0:14:50 > 0:14:54Your father - the Lord of Emsworth - would be so ashamed of you.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07There is every precedent for a bearded Emsworth.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Granted, it would be unusual for Connie to grow a beard of any great substance,
0:15:11 > 0:15:16but should she choose to do so, I would refrain from adverse comment.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21I mean, if you yourself felt disposed to have a beard...
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Guv'nor! Desperate times require desperate measures, you'll agree?
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Not in the least. Am I going to require my chequebook, Frederick?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30No, no, no, no.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31I am in love.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Naturally. How much d'you need?
0:15:33 > 0:15:36No, what I need, old horror, is for you to accost Miss Petite
0:15:36 > 0:15:38and tell her what a marvellous specimen of manhood is your son.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41- Specimen of what?- Manhood. - Who is?- Your son.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45- But you're my son.- Guv'nor. Concentrate. Look. This is my best shot.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48If I bag Pauline Petite, I am off to Hollywood.
0:15:48 > 0:15:51Shazam! I shall never darken your bank account again.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55- Hmm. You have my attention. - It's blissfully simple.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59Miss P, you see, is putty in your lordly paws.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01All you have to do is go to her pretending to be my father...
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- But I am your father. - And plead my case. Ham it up a bit.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09Play the dear old crock with one foot in the grave, sort of thing.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- The girl is charmed, the star-crossed lovers are united... - Frederick.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I am not an "old crock".
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Guv'nor, please. Just speak on my behalf.
0:16:26 > 0:16:31- Old crock... Ruddy insolence! - Right then, old girl. Plan B.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32PIG GRUNTS
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I saw him, Constance...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37ravishing the American girl.
0:16:39 > 0:16:43What American girl? I don't understand at all, Drusilla.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46I shall call Beach. He can get you a glass of brandy.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50I hardly think that the witnessing of a grievous assault
0:16:50 > 0:16:53warrants the consumption of alcohol.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54Whiffle?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Oh!
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Whiffle does rather like to dress up.
0:17:03 > 0:17:07Clarence and I indulge him. And photograph him.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Ah, Beach.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Aghhhhhh!
0:17:12 > 0:17:14For heaven's sake,
0:17:14 > 0:17:17is everyone in Blandings now obliged to grow facial hair?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I do apologize, your ladyship,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22but must hasten to reassure you that the moustache is false.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24Why might that reassure me?
0:17:24 > 0:17:27It is the glue, my lady...
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Beach. If I was to ask you what was going on in this house,
0:17:30 > 0:17:31would I get a sensible reply?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Alas not, your ladyship. Mr Frederick...
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Enough. I haven't got the energy.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43The plumbers have failed to produce even the smallest
0:17:43 > 0:17:45amount of heat necessary to sustain life.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49As always, we rely on you, Beach.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I will do my best, your ladyship.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54In the meantime, Lady Cloughley appears to have fainted.
0:17:54 > 0:17:59Do you think you could put her into a reclining position?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You have my permission to handle her person. Go on!
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Come now, Lady Cloughley.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08You raise me up.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13SHE SCREAMS
0:18:13 > 0:18:18Would you fetch a very large glass of brandy?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21- Would Lady Cloughley...?- Not for Lady Cloughley, it's for me.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23I am going to my room.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31One foot in the ruddy grave...!
0:18:31 > 0:18:35Blasted infernal impertinence.
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Hollywood!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Hmm.
0:18:41 > 0:18:46Hollywood is quite possibly in North America.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Ah, Beach, capital.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54It is imperative that Mr Frederick lives in Hollywood.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Very good, my lord.
0:18:55 > 0:18:59By the way, Beach, your solidarity has been noted. Good man.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I've had the strangest dream.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I have them all the time. Fancy a snifter?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Oh, no. Set down that filthy decoction!
0:19:12 > 0:19:15It's not that filthy. A rather tolerable nose.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18There is something profoundly queer about this house.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Well, you're on the money there.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22I haven't given up on you, my man.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I must find Lady Constance.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27You'll find her in her bedroom, scoffing Turkish delights.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30If you do go up there, you'll find an altogether better class of cognac.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33She conceals it in her scent bottle.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36She thinks I don't know about it, bless her. Funny old girl.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38We'll have to see about that!
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Hollywood!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59Bingo!
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Right, missy.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13All right, let's get ready. That's enough, Dolores.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18We tried the swish, we tried the stiff in the vest.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20We tried everything.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Now it's time to try it with a real man.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Can we move on from the seduction scene?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26The seduction scene is fine.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29OK, let's go, everybody.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31All right.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34Lights.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Camera.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Cue the Duck.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Camera test. Seduction scene. Take one.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48All the time, you provoke me, my little popsy!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Miss Petty Patootie? - Yes!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56- Am I disturbing you?- No.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58What? Who is this bum? CUT!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04I'm the Earl of Emsworth.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Yeah, like I'm the Duck of Warlow.
0:21:07 > 0:21:08Good gracious!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Well, well, what a pleasure.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Look, I don't need to detain you.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16I just wanted a quick word with Miss Plankton O'Porpoise.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- It can wait.- No, it can't. Please sir, sit down next to me.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24If he's the Earl of Emsworth, I'll eat my pants.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Good heavens.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29"Pants" in American doesn't mean "pants".
0:21:29 > 0:21:32It means "trousers".
0:21:32 > 0:21:36My dear fellow, you can't go about the place eating your trousers.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37You'll have yourself arrested.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42Oh, swell, another music hall geriatric.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Who the hell are you?
0:21:51 > 0:21:54What? What? What was that?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56I said - who the hell are you?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Nearly time for luncheon.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Who are you?
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Monday is generally spotted dick.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06What?
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Ah! How d'you do?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I'm the... I'm the...
0:22:11 > 0:22:15I'm the Earl of Emsworth, don't you know?
0:22:15 > 0:22:18Might I have a chinwag with Miss Petite?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Frederick?
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Oh, my God.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Is this some sort of game of charades? I'm a little bit confused.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30LOUD RUMBLING
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Suet and sultanas.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49And let that be a lesson to you!
0:22:49 > 0:22:52So both you bozos is Earl Emsworth
0:22:52 > 0:22:56and both of you want to wag Miss Petite's chin.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57This is nuts.
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Frederick, my dear boy, what was it you wanted me
0:23:00 > 0:23:02to say to Miss Bovine de Witt?
0:23:02 > 0:23:04She's right here, look.
0:23:04 > 0:23:08- You're the Earl of Emsworth. - Indeed I am, my dear,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11and I'd appreciate a brief word with you about my son.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12That one there.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16It's a fair cop.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Freddie!
0:23:18 > 0:23:20I thought you said you wouldn't do it.
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Ah, but then, y'see - deucedest thing - I thought of you
0:23:24 > 0:23:28and Miss Pamplemousse being married and living in Hollywood...
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Oh, Freddie!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I pretended to be him, you see.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34To convince you of my bona fides.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Never mind your bonas.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42- What's happening? - Freddie, was that supposed to be me?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45But I don't have an ear strumpet.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47You don't have a silly beard, either.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- No.- Oh, you do.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Yes.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18As a matter of purely academic interest, Drusilla,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21why are you pouring eau de cologne all over the carpet?
0:24:21 > 0:24:24Eau de diable, more like!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31You think I hallucinate?
0:24:31 > 0:24:35You want scenes of hideous sordidness and squalor?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Not especially, no.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Come with me. Come on.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Ah, Lady Muffley...
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I have considered giving myself to Jesus,
0:25:03 > 0:25:07and on the whole I have decided to shave my beard off.
0:25:07 > 0:25:12Hallelujah. What's that awful groaning? Are the plumbers leaving?
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Connie, you're daft as a brush. These people aren't plumbers.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17They're making a film.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22What? Clarence, what the...
0:25:22 > 0:25:27Clarence? You...are the Earl of Emsworth?
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Of course I'm the Earl of Emsworth, madam. Who are you?
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Constance? You have deceived me.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39You have presenting your own brother as a vagrant.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43You have called him "Whiffle".
0:25:43 > 0:25:50Constance, you are a glutton and a slattern and a drinker
0:25:50 > 0:25:52and I don't believe you pray.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I shall never set foot in this godless house again.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57What've you got to say for yourself?
0:26:04 > 0:26:06SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Ladies and gentlemen, the central heating is now working.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Beach! You're a man in a million.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18I endeavour to give service, my lord.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20Moreover, summon a barber, for the both of us.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Your moustache is ridiculous.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25I will not tolerate facial foliage at Blandings.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28Very good, my lord.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31TREMENDOUS RUMBLING
0:26:42 > 0:26:44Is that supposed to happen?
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Hey, you - Constanza.
0:26:51 > 0:26:52If any of my equipment is damaged,
0:26:52 > 0:26:55I sure hope you're insured for sue-age.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59Clarence, would you kindly go to your study and fetch your assegai.
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Oh, splendid.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03What? His assy-what?
0:27:03 > 0:27:07A Zulu spear. Fascinating artefact. Terrifyingly sharp.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I fear you are about to feel its presence in your person.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21So I guess I'll see you around, Freddie.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25And when I do...
0:27:25 > 0:27:26SHE WHISPERS INAUDIBLY
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Oh!
0:27:37 > 0:27:42Ah! Thank you, Beach.
0:27:42 > 0:27:44The plumbers appear to be departing.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Indeed, my lord.
0:27:45 > 0:27:49Would you recommend them? People are bound to ask.
0:27:49 > 0:27:52They have been most entertaining, my lord.
0:27:52 > 0:27:57Good. Oh look, look, there's Miss Pansy Petticoat.
0:27:57 > 0:28:02There, the one temporarily attached to Frederick's face.
0:28:02 > 0:28:07For a minute there I thought she was going to whisk him away to Holloway, but not to be.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12One presses on in hope, eh, Beach?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14One does, my lord.
0:28:14 > 0:28:19I've been giving a bit of thought to...to growing a beard...
0:28:19 > 0:28:21HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
0:28:30 > 0:28:31Cut!