0:00:33 > 0:00:34BIRDS FLY AWAY
0:00:36 > 0:00:38HE SNORES
0:00:38 > 0:00:41PIG GRUNTS
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Salesman had a handshake like a refrigerated eel,
0:00:45 > 0:00:48but as I say, Harrovian.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Yet, I am tempted...
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Oh, Angus! Look.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56The Rotary-Varianced, Fully-Rubberized Auto-Dibber.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Does all your, erm...dibbing automatically.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00What do you think?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03We're no' ha'ing yon impudent contraption in these groonds.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05Think of the energy you would save!
0:01:05 > 0:01:08This is the modern age, McAllister. We must not ossify.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Ye're off yir mickle heid, mun.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11Yir park is infested with rabbits
0:01:11 > 0:01:14and ye talk of a rubberized dibber.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Clarence!
0:01:17 > 0:01:18Oh, good heavens.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Douglas Fanshawe, of Marling Hall.
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Where?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Coming here, to stay the night.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Why? Marling's only down the road.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30The Colonel wishes to experience our facilities.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Oh, poor fellow. Doesn't the Hall run to its own, erm, 'facilities'?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36No, no, be quiet, Clarence. Now, concentrate.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39He has indicated his intention to retire on the grounds
0:01:39 > 0:01:42of black tongue fever contracted up the Yangtze.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46He wishes to canvass you as his successor.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- But I don't want a feverish black tongue up the...- As Lord Lieutenant.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52The King's official host in Shropshire.
0:01:52 > 0:01:53PIG GRUNTS
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Come on! Have you no ambition?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57And if you answer that with the words 'pig' and 'fat',
0:01:57 > 0:02:00I will have to extract your spleen with sugar tongs.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04Now... Clean shirt, noble demeanour. Chop, chop.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18Now, the original castle was built by Erconwald the Rampant
0:02:18 > 0:02:20in the reign of Boadicea the First.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Now, she was a Borgia, but she had an operation for it.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Lived another 50 years, but never rode a horse. Ha!
0:02:28 > 0:02:29You don't say much, do you?
0:02:29 > 0:02:30HE CHUCKLES
0:02:57 > 0:02:59SHE SIGHS
0:03:07 > 0:03:09All hands on deck. Spice the pump.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Prepare to receive guests.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Beach!
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Hmn!
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I have been calling.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Look what you made me do.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38You made a rope.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I did not make a rope. Now, listen to me.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Colonel Fanshawe and his daughter Valerie will be arriving shortly.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Heavens, man, are you quite well?
0:03:48 > 0:03:49In the ladle, your pinkyship.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51DOOR CLOSES
0:03:51 > 0:03:52SHE SNIFFS
0:03:52 > 0:03:54FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:03:54 > 0:03:55Oh!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59- What is that? - What is what? Oh, this.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01This is Mugsy. He is a dog.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Why are you carrying it?
0:04:03 > 0:04:05He prefers not to walk. He belongs to Aunt Julia.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08She's gone into toenail, you know, with an ingrowing hospital.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- What?- So she wanted someone responsible to look after him.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15In what possible respect do you think you qualify?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I thought I might teach him some tricks.
0:04:17 > 0:04:21Imagine Aunt Julia returning home to find Mugs can smoke a cigar!
0:04:21 > 0:04:24I am a mild and reasonable woman.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27If you taught my dog to smoke, I would disembowel you.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31My sister Julia is neither reasonable nor mild.
0:04:31 > 0:04:35She would disembowel all of us. Now, concentrate, Freddie.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Colonel Fanshawe is a neighbour we must strive to know better.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40He is a celebrated explorer
0:04:40 > 0:04:43and his daughter Valerie is about to come out.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45From where?
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Under the bed?
0:04:46 > 0:04:48BEACH CHUCKLES
0:04:52 > 0:04:56And moreover, Beach is behaving in the queerest way.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58He just addressed me as 'your pinkyship'.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01What have you done to provoke that?
0:05:01 > 0:05:03That's so typical of you, to side with the servants.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I did nothing. He wasn't even drunk.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08You're disappointed that Beach wasn't drunk?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Oh...
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I do hope this Emsworth is the right man for the job.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I tell you candidly, my dear, I'm bushed.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34All your old man wants is for today to be tickety-boo.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I think if we wait to be received, we wait in vain.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46I hear the place is a shambles.
0:05:46 > 0:05:47GUNSHOT
0:05:47 > 0:05:48BIRDS FLY AWAY
0:05:48 > 0:05:50There's someone, Papa.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57I say, would you be kind enough to take us into the house?
0:05:57 > 0:06:01I'm a gairdener, son, no' a bleckin' footman.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02What did he say?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05I think he declined the invitation. Come on.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26HE SNORES
0:06:35 > 0:06:37COLONEL FANSHAWE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Good grief. Are you drunk?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I don't believe I am, sir. Are you?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47SHE CHUCKLES
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Extraordinary.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52No, no, no, don't get up. I'll get the bags.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53HOWLING
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Goodness. The Hound of the Emsworths.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Papa? I might explore.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30BIRDS FLY AWAY
0:07:30 > 0:07:32HE SNARLS
0:07:32 > 0:07:36HE HOWLS MUSICALLY
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Come on, Mugsy. Fill the diaphragm.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49HE HOWLS
0:07:49 > 0:07:50What's the point?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Brushes, is it?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59I beg your pardon?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Dusters, handkerchiefs, that sort of thing?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05Beach usually takes a strong line about the front door,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08but he doesn't seem to be about.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Let's have a squint, then, eh?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Ah, very splendid.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18No good to me, of course.
0:08:18 > 0:08:24Ah, Connie, fellow here wondering if he can squeeze you into these?
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Colonel Fanshawe?
0:08:26 > 0:08:27I'm not entirely certain.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31I'm having such a peculiar experience in this house.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32What are you doing?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Oh, I like the spotty ones... Yes.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Your pig man is rifling through my daughter's underwear.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I'm not sure why he feels this is his prerogative.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- Clarence!- Uh?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Lord Emsworth?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Yes?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I'm Colonel Fanshawe, Lord Lieutenant of Shropshire.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52What are you doing flogging ladies' underwear?
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Augh!
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Hey, hey, hey, hey!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Come on, have a go.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Gosh, you don't do anything, do you?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01You just sit.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04But he sits very prettily.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Is he French?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Oh, oh... Good God, that never occurred to me.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10It could be the problem.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
0:09:12 > 0:09:13No, no, that's Italian.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Look here, are you Miss Fanshawe?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I am. Come here, darling.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Come and give me a cuddle.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21Oh!
0:09:21 > 0:09:23I'm addressing the dog.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Come on!
0:09:25 > 0:09:28My father won't let me have a dog.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30He won't admit it, but he's terribly afraid of them.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32He was badly bitten in the Khyber.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Oh, gosh. Clever tailoring required.
0:09:34 > 0:09:35BELL RINGS
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Ah. Crumpets. Do you like crumpets?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Who doesn't like crumpets?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Do you like crumpets?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Yes, Valerie, I do...
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Fascinating, Colonel. Isn't that fascinating?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- Ouch!- What?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55What Colonel Fanshawe was saying?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Who is Colonel Fanshawe?
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Ouch!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04(Beach, there is no tea in the pot!)
0:10:14 > 0:10:16How long have you had him?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Too long.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19The problem with these fellows
0:10:19 > 0:10:21is once they get their feet under the table,
0:10:21 > 0:10:23they think they rule the roost.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I replace my butler every year.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28I call them all George.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31I'm on George the 27th.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32THEY CHUCKLE
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Yes, we really must give that some serious thought, Clarence.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42What's your view on fully rubberized automatic dibbing?
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Generally, I'm...for it?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49How wise you are.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51McAllister disagrees, but he's talking through his sporran.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53No, not sporran, thing on the head.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55Sham o' Tanter.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57A man who thinks to the future.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Yes.- One tries.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Papa? This is Mugsy and Freddie.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Excellent. Which is which?
0:11:04 > 0:11:05Mugsy's got the brains.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Beach!- Milady!
0:11:08 > 0:11:09Augh!
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Shall you be mother?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19I'm just off for a bit of kip.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22Can I take Mugsy home with me, Papa? He's so weeny.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24No, no, darling.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27How do you find the King these days, Colonel?
0:11:27 > 0:11:29It would be such and honour to receive him here.
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Is the King going? Oh, capital!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Gardening man, by all accounts.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37I'd bet he'd like a crack at a fully rubberized dibber.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Tea's a bit weak...
0:11:46 > 0:11:47GUNSHOT
0:11:47 > 0:11:48BIRDS FLY AWAY
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Do you ride the hounds?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Ride hounds? No.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Shoot? Climb mountains?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- How fascinating.- Is it?
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Come back here, ye hairy rat!
0:12:02 > 0:12:05I've never met any men who don't do all that, constantly.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06GUNSHOT
0:12:06 > 0:12:08They're all the same, aren't they?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10When I come out, they're going to swarm all over me.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Oh, then don't come out.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16I can't stay in all my life.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17I don't plan to become a nun.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Nor me.- How'd you like to see me in a wimple?
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I'd love to. Crikey. No, no.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Sometimes, when I'm excited, I say the opposite of what I mean.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Why are you excited?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Absolutely not because of you.
0:12:29 > 0:12:32You are a most unusual man, Mr Threepwood.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34SNORING
0:12:34 > 0:12:35What's that noise?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46HE SNORES LOUDLY
0:12:48 > 0:12:51Gordon Bennett.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Mugsy, in fact. I'm going to teach him to mix a Manhattan.
0:12:54 > 0:12:59No, you are not. Come away and Valerie will keep you safe.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Have a care, sir.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Anything untoward happens to that animal,
0:13:04 > 0:13:08your Aunt Julia will come down on you like the wrath of God.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09She is the wrath of God.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11What are, erm...?
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Swedish vitamins.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16I was feeling a bit mouldy and I found these in Mr Galahad's room.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20If Gally eats them, they certainly keep him perky.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Beach?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24HE SNORES
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I'm thinking of you, McAllister.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34You could dibble the entire park from your deckchair!
0:13:34 > 0:13:39In all these years, have ye ever once seen me sit doon?
0:13:39 > 0:13:42But, my dear fellow, that is my point...
0:13:42 > 0:13:45I dinnae want to sit doon.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Can ye not grasp the indignity, old mun?
0:13:56 > 0:13:59My head gardener. Capital fellow.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Emsworth, tell me frankly.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Do you feel you enjoy the authority that your rank should confer?
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Bless my soul, Fannyhat, I don't have time to indulge in 'authority'.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12I've got a pig to feed.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18GUNSHOT
0:14:18 > 0:14:19BIRDS FLY AWAY
0:14:22 > 0:14:25HM runs a pretty tight ship, wherever he may be,
0:14:25 > 0:14:28but he appreciates good service.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32It is not unknown for him to address me as Horace.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34That being my name.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Of course, it's an honorary position.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39There's no salary.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41One does it purely for the kudos.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44I think your butler needs to go to bed.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Beach? My dear fellow, you really do look rather tired.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Why don't you withdraw to your comfortable chair
0:14:49 > 0:14:50and have a glass of port?
0:14:50 > 0:14:52We can all manage perfectly well.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Very kind, my lord.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I'm going to put you in touch with the agency I use.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11They'll get you someone within the week. Ex-soldiers, mostly.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15They'll shine your boots and part your hair.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17More wine, Colonel Fanshawe?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19GUNSHOT
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Good idea. We can get Beach to pour us something special.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25From his 'comfortable chair'?
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Mmmm.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- Freddie.- Uh?
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Arrange wine.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35I'm just going to arrange wine.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Good luck.
0:15:37 > 0:15:39Will you be all right while I'm gone?
0:15:39 > 0:15:40I'll try to cope, yes.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42Miss Fanshawe, I do think you're rather jolly.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Frederick!
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Doing it, Aunt.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Has your brother much experience of ceremonial duties?
0:15:53 > 0:15:54But of course.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56When HM visits Shropshire, it's the responsibility
0:15:56 > 0:15:59of the Lord Lieutenant to have him correctly billeted,
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- dined and entertained.- He is very capable of all that sort of thing.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03Aren't you, Clarence?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06But I don't want someone to shine my hair and boot my parts.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I want Beach!
0:16:08 > 0:16:09CROCKERY CLATTERS
0:16:09 > 0:16:10- BEACH:- Wahey!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Lord Emsworth, it strikes me
0:16:14 > 0:16:17there are domestic matters that require your attention.
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Ah!- Valerie and I shall return to Marling Hall in the motor.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Come along, Driver Fanshawe.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24But...
0:16:25 > 0:16:27..Colonel...
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Colonel...
0:16:33 > 0:16:35You are coming with me!
0:16:40 > 0:16:42Cheers.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Oh!
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Where are you going?
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Me?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Whoever else is there in the room?
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Frederick. Oh!
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Hello?
0:17:07 > 0:17:08What are you doing?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11- Looking for Mugsy.- What?
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Blighter's done a bunk.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15BELL RINGS
0:17:15 > 0:17:18Freddie, just go and answer the door. Go!
0:17:18 > 0:17:23I thought Admiral Handsaw and his daughter were...
0:17:23 > 0:17:24They have gone, Clarence.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29You have driven them away, you gibbering halfwit. God in heaven!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Calling you a halfwit is a discourtesy to people
0:17:32 > 0:17:34with 50% of their brain missing.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37You are a child, Clarence.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Even if you have no interest in being of service to the King,
0:17:40 > 0:17:44did it never occur to you that it might have been pleasant for me?
0:17:50 > 0:17:55You asked me where I was going, and I've just remembered.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I'm looking for Beach.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01I'm... I'm concerned about him.
0:18:01 > 0:18:06Connie, you might not have noticed, but he seems a little out of sorts.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10You're counting to ten, aren't you?
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- I am going to my room, Clarence.- Oh!
0:18:13 > 0:18:18And while I am there, I wish you to sort out every aspect
0:18:18 > 0:18:22of this appalling, shameful fiasco.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- Moreover, I intend to take steps. - Ah!
0:18:28 > 0:18:32The first of which will be the immediate dismissal of Beach.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41It's awfully late for a telegram. Oh! Oh!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45HE SCREAMS
0:18:46 > 0:18:49FREDDIE GROANS
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Spit and corruption!
0:19:07 > 0:19:08HE SNORES
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Beach?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Oh, good heavens, Frederick.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Whatever have you done to your, er...?
0:19:13 > 0:19:16I read a telegram that made me fall down the stairs.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17Oh, bless my soul.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Your soul may well be in need of blessing, Guv'nor.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Aunt Julia is out of hospital. And Mugsy's gone rogue.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Oh, your Aunt Julia is a terrible person, Frederick.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28She lost her temper in the summer of 1882
0:19:28 > 0:19:30and it has never been recovered.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33And when she finds out I've lost her dog, she'll blow her top.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Which means Aunt C will blow hers.
0:19:34 > 0:19:38It's going to be one hideous orgy of auntly top-blowing, Guv'nor.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39What to do?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Pinch it back.- What?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44The girl pinched the dog...
0:19:44 > 0:19:46so go to Marling and pinch it back.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Miss Fanshawe, you voluptuous fiend.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Here, Beach, sharpen up. Have a pill.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57All you have got to do is...
0:19:59 > 0:20:00HE SNORES
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Never seen a fellow fall to sleep so rapidly. It's a sort of gift.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05But he's right, Guv'nor. Does your bicycle have a light?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08What does it matter if my icicle has a blight? I'm not going.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Well, he can't go and I can't go.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11So you have to go. It'll be peasy!
0:20:11 > 0:20:13All you need to do is lurk in the shrubbery
0:20:13 > 0:20:16till they shove the dog out to ablute and then nab him.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18But what if the dog doesn't wish to be nabbed by me?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Well, rub your trousers with meat.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Meat?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Oh, Guv'nor, don't be so obtuse.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26Make yourself attractive to Mugsy by anointing your trousers
0:20:26 > 0:20:28with...raw sausage or something.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- What utter tripe.- Oh, tripe! Perfect!
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Frederick, I am not triping my trousers
0:20:32 > 0:20:34or anointing them with sausages.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35I am not doing this thing.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38BEACH SNORES
0:20:42 > 0:20:47DOGS BARK AND HOWL
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Do you forgive me?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Unreservedly. With glittering knobs on. Where's the pooch?
0:20:59 > 0:21:00I've lost him.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04Oh, not to worry. Minor detail.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Papa says I'm never to come here again.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08He says you're all doolally.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10He says that a bucket of frogspawn would have made
0:21:10 > 0:21:13a better Lord Lieutenant than Emsworth.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Well, harsh but fair.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Before I go...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21can I just say something I've been meaning to say?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29TELEPHONE RINGS
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Where are we?
0:21:34 > 0:21:35Blandings Castle.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Blandings Castle. Who are you?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40'This is Lieutenant Colonel Horace Fanshawe.'
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- Bully for you, being a colonel. - 'What?!'
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I'm a butler.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45Shall I have a word?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Have a whole pile.
0:21:47 > 0:21:51Beach, your manner of late has become a little informal.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I beg your pardon, Mr Frederick. I do feel a bit...
0:21:54 > 0:21:56irregular.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Yeah, I prescribe a Rotterdam.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Large port.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01No...
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Really?!
0:22:06 > 0:22:10- Oh! Stop. Hold the line a minute. - Oh, goodness!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Those aren't Gally's pick-me-ups.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15They're his Mickey Finns.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Gad, Beach!
0:22:16 > 0:22:19If your vital organs hadn't been mummified by alcohol,
0:22:19 > 0:22:21you'd be in a ruddy coma.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Great excitement. There's been an intruder at the Hall.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Papa went down with his revolver
0:22:26 > 0:22:27and there was a great tussle in the dark!
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- But Papa managed to bundle the low fellow into the coal cellar.- Oooh!
0:22:31 > 0:22:33What?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Oh, family thing. Nothing to worry about.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Bit of a sticky wicket.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Mr Frederick, the time has come for me to make amends.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Miss Fanshawe.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Could I prevail upon you to drive me to Marling Hall?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Oh, yes... Rather.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Oh, dear...
0:22:57 > 0:22:59This is all so inconvenient.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01DOOR OPENS
0:23:07 > 0:23:08Now, look here.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Beach?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I know the hour is uncivilized, my lord,
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- but I thought you might appreciate refreshment.- Oh...
0:23:26 > 0:23:28DOGS HOWL AND BARK
0:23:28 > 0:23:31May I recommend to his lordship that he removes his trousers?
0:23:31 > 0:23:35I fear they may be exciting the local dogs.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39Dog! Beach, Beach, I came here to nab a dog.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43The task his lordship set himself has been rather overtaken by events.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I think it would be prudent to return home.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49Home... Yes, Beach. Let's go home.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50- What the devil's going on?- >
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- The trousers, my lord. - Eh?- Disrobe.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54DOGS KEEP BARKING
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Show yourself, damn you, I'll take you all on!
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Who goes there?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01MUGSY GROWLS
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Oh, my God... Good dog, good dog...
0:24:04 > 0:24:08DOGS BARK LOUDER
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Just a little further, my lord.
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Right.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Let us prepare for Beach the Second.
0:25:06 > 0:25:11I absolutely insist on serving you, Beach.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13You're a man in a million.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16I endeavour to give satisfaction, your lordship.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Chin-chin.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Chin-chin, my lord.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Beach!
0:25:21 > 0:25:24I'm sorry, but this is atrocious.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26You have to leave the house immediately.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Hold your horses, Aunt C.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31One or two items here require clarification.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Beach is not atrocious.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36He is magnificent.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39His selfless dedication to this family is the stuff of legend.
0:25:39 > 0:25:43- Last night, he saved the Guv'nor's bacon...- Yeah!- ..and yours.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45What are you drivelling about?
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I drivel thus...
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Aunt, be seated.
0:25:54 > 0:25:59It was a night like any other, when benign, elderly Lord Emsworth
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- gazed serenely... - I dispute 'elderly'.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Get on with it.
0:26:15 > 0:26:16HE SNARLS
0:26:20 > 0:26:24Thus, it is demonstrated, Aunt Constance, that Beach
0:26:24 > 0:26:27is the finest asset a family such as ours could wish to possess.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Of course, we do not possess him.
0:26:30 > 0:26:34We merely enjoy the privilege of his service.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Accordingly, I advise doubling his salary.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Hear, hear.
0:26:41 > 0:26:42Agreed.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45Ah, splendid. Have a sherry. Sorry.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Freddie, it's nine o'clock in the morning.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50Small one, as befits the hour.
0:26:50 > 0:26:51Cheers.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56We could have had such fun, you know, entertaining the King.
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Good heavens, is the King coming?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01No, Clarence, he is not.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05What a shame. Farming man, by all accounts.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I bet he would have enjoyed mucking out The Empress.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09DOOR CLOSES
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Ha! If that's Corporal Flanpaw,
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15If you can find any.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:27:27 > 0:27:28DOG WHINES
0:27:28 > 0:27:30Good morning, McAllister.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33We were just about to have breakfast.
0:27:33 > 0:27:34What have you done?
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I'm glad you're a' here,
0:27:36 > 0:27:39for I desire y'all to witness this.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48Play deid!
0:27:51 > 0:27:54THEY CHUCKLE
0:27:54 > 0:28:00Is that nae the cutest thing ye e'er saw in yir life?
0:28:00 > 0:28:02Aunt Julia's going to adore that!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Angus, that is capital. That is capital.
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Connie, did you see this?
0:28:07 > 0:28:09Do you think he might do it again?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Aye!
0:28:16 > 0:28:18THEY LAUGH