0:00:24 > 0:00:26How was that, Miss Polk?
0:00:26 > 0:00:29I'm not taking a photograph, Lord Emsworth.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I'm afraid y'all have to hold the pose a little longer.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Yes, yes, of course, totally understood.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38- Guv'nor. Guv'nor.- Frederick!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42This is Miss Vanessa Polk. You'll never guess, but she's an artist.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44She's come all the way from, erm...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46San Antone.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Ah, very good, I know this one! That's in America.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52It was when I left it, honey.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54My daddy wrote your Aunt Constance.
0:00:54 > 0:00:58Before I was born they used to have a thang?
0:00:58 > 0:01:00She invited me to visit with y'all.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Miss Polk?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05God bless America.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Specifically Texas.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I'm sure we have some in the medicine cupboard.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12Lord Emsworth?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Oh... Guv'nor. Guv'nor... I came to tell you about Hannibal.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16The elephant guy?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Sort of.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21He was playing elephant polo when his father died, so the dukedom
0:01:21 > 0:01:24went to his brother Alaric instead, which put H in a strop.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26He wanted to be Hannibal Dunstable, y'see.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30But now he has to be Lord Didcot, which sounds like something
0:01:30 > 0:01:33you shout if you drop a hammer on your foot.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Batey Didcot is an absolutely ghastly man.
0:01:37 > 0:01:43Worse than his brother. Pokering the furniture, roaring at the servants.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47He was here last week, bullied me into selling him something or other.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Thank God he's gone.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Well, no, he hasn't.- Yes.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52- He's back.- No.
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Where's the ruddy butler?!
0:01:56 > 0:01:57And another thing!
0:01:59 > 0:02:02Calypso Surprised. See it?
0:02:02 > 0:02:07It's a fake. Bronzino, my Aunt Fanny. Look, it's signed by...
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Cozzy somebody.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Bless my soul.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Never mind your soul, Emsworth.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17I bought this off you for 50 quid and I want my money back.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21Hannibal, whatever is all this noise?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25Connie, I've been conned.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29I'm not leaving this ruddy house till I have justice.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Morning all. Lovely morning.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37It's a peach.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Um, where is Peach? I mean Beach?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41He's on holiday, Guv'nor.
0:02:41 > 0:02:46Oh... Did I really sell Batey Didcot a painting of Pinocchio Despised?
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Beach would know.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50I think you'll find he's on holiday.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53If you ask me, Hannibal's losing what remains of his marbles.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Galahad, we did not ask you. What are you doing here?
0:02:56 > 0:02:57I'm useful in a crisis.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59- What crisis? - Hannibal's off his nut.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03For heaven's sakes! Lord Didcot is merely eccentric.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05It's the living alone in that enormous house.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08And his ridiculous feud with Alaric.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13All he needs is a capable woman to marry him and sort him out.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Which is the reason I have invited Miss Polk.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17What?
0:03:17 > 0:03:19Dear Vanessa.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- I heard voices. - Happens to me all the time.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Let us go somewhere less congested.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Yes...
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Leave it now... Leave it.
0:03:35 > 0:03:40So very, very kind of you to indulge Clarence by painting his pig.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43You really mustn't take much trouble.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Oh, it's no trouble. I like to paint.
0:03:45 > 0:03:51Now...we have staying with us a very old family friend.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Lord Didcot.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56I mean one knows so many peers, but he is really rather special.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58You smile?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Your nephew...
0:04:00 > 0:04:02What has Freddie said, exactly?
0:04:02 > 0:04:04That Mr Didcot was an old walrus
0:04:04 > 0:04:06in trousers five sizes too small for his...
0:04:06 > 0:04:08upper thighs.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Yes. Well, unfortunately Freddie was dropped on his head.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Oh! How terrible.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Yes, it will be.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I mean, it is true Lord Didcot is of a certain age
0:04:16 > 0:04:20and also has a conservative manner.
0:04:20 > 0:04:26The latter of which could be changed by a woman -
0:04:26 > 0:04:29say, the daughter of a very old and dear friend...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31To do what?
0:04:31 > 0:04:35Hannibal's estate...
0:04:35 > 0:04:39on which he lives alone, is considerably bigger than Blandings.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Do you follow?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- I guess...- Good.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45< ROARING AND CRASHING
0:04:45 > 0:04:49It would be wise not to address him as Mr Didcot.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51OK.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Furthermore,
0:04:53 > 0:04:58my room has no poker! Where's the ruddy butler?
0:04:58 > 0:05:02What? Yes, good point, where IS Beach?
0:05:02 > 0:05:04He's on holiday.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Is he? Nobody tells me anything.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Hannibal, I should like you to meet Miss Polk.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14Pleased to meet you, Lord Didcot.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Gad, a damned colonial.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21Miss Polk is the daughter of JB Polk of Polk Furnishings.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Can't abide a woman in yellow. Also much too tall.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Carry on, see the geography of the house.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Polk. A single woman and many times a millionairess.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Mmm!
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Let me show you the west wing.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38We'll go through the dining room, into the conservatory.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Clarence, I've been here five minutes
0:05:40 > 0:05:42and you haven't taken me to see the Empress.
0:05:42 > 0:05:49Oh, my dear fellow, I do apologise. Come. Come. Most exciting news.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51She's having her portrait painted.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Guv'nor, touching on the subject.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Mirabile dictu, I've got myself in a spot of bother.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I was a little flown with wine
0:05:58 > 0:06:01and was moved to wager Catsmeat that I couldn't fit three billiards balls
0:06:01 > 0:06:04in my mouth and give a tolerable rendition of La Marseillaise.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Hah. Haven't done that for years.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Now I owe him 100 smackers.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11Hang on, Guv'nor, don't ooze off - I'm not on the sponge,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I have here a crash-hot commodity.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Pointless asking me about money, Frederick.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Your mother was the man for all that.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22But I am totally strapped for the necessary rhino!
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Oh...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Ah! Lord Didcot?
0:06:30 > 0:06:31Yes?
0:06:31 > 0:06:35I have come into possession of this rather splendid picture of a horsey.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37You may wish to purchase it.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Get out of my way. I want to purchase Vanessa whatserface.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43And I've not finished with Emsworth.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Oh...
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Lord Emsworth? Can you look at her like you know she's boss?
0:06:58 > 0:07:00She IS boss.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Thus?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06All right! We're off to the races!
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Races? Emsworth?
0:07:08 > 0:07:13You're not thinking of entering that ruddy pig in the Derby again?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Heard about that from m'brother, God rot and damn his ruddy soul.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- They're just having their picture done, you goon.- What?
0:07:20 > 0:07:25It's kind of a... marriage portrait.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, my God!
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Didcot, if there's a fatuous conclusion to be leapt to,
0:07:29 > 0:07:31you'll leap it.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Gah!
0:07:32 > 0:07:36This is yet another instance of Emsworth's egregious pottiness
0:07:36 > 0:07:37and mendacity.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41Don't think you can get away from me by slithering orf to be
0:07:41 > 0:07:43with your porcine floozy.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47Miss Polk, look at this ruddy piece of junk he made me buy.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51Did you ever see such an outrageous fake?
0:07:51 > 0:07:53Rooked me rotten.
0:07:53 > 0:07:57I'm hanging the damn thing where it belongs.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Now... Miss Polk.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04HE CHUCKLES
0:08:04 > 0:08:07You're a bit of a dolly, aren't you?
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Will you excuse me? I just have to...
0:08:11 > 0:08:14not talk to you.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Today's cock, Hannibal. Tomorrow's feather duster.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40That'll learn him.
0:08:40 > 0:08:44He is the most unpleasant specimen.
0:08:44 > 0:08:48Dreadful. Apart from Batey Didcot, Miss Polk, how do you like Blandings?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50I like it just fine.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I expect you're accustomed to far superior plumbing, food,
0:08:53 > 0:08:54transportation and teeth.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Oh, I'm not unacquainted with hardship.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Really, I wonder why.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01I knew your father - he's a very good egg, old JB.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05But he's never had a moment's hardship in his life.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Never had a daughter, either.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13So. OK. Do I pack my bag?
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Don't be preposterous. No. Tell me your secret, Vanessa?
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Is your name really Vanessa?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- Vanessa...Gruber. - Enchanted.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24JB hired me to paint his portrait. We got on pretty well.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26I was a little down in the dumps at the time so he fixed me
0:09:26 > 0:09:28this trip to England, to have some fun.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32"Let's tell my old pal Connie I'm your daddy," he said.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33"She'll lap you up."
0:09:33 > 0:09:37Would I be close to the mark in assuming you haven't two beans to your name?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39I play a little blackjack, to keep the coyote from the door.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41But I dropped a packet in Pasadena.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I'm broke, Gally.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Sad to hear it, but join the club.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Huh. Listen. There's something bothering me.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52My animal magnetism. Don't be alarmed. I'll switch it off.
0:09:52 > 0:09:57Now, sit here and tell me your troubles.
0:09:59 > 0:10:04< That picture the one that foolish man threw away...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07< It's the real thing.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09< Good God, it must be worth a fortune!
0:10:09 > 0:10:12< You bet. Hundreds of thousands.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14CLANKING
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Let us continue this fascinating conversation outside.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23There are too many hairy old ears in these walls.
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Hundreds of thousands...
0:10:28 > 0:10:31WHISTLING
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Right.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40HE GROWLS
0:10:47 > 0:10:50She's only just arrived and already your uncle has her cornered.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52I suppose you admire that.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Frederick, what do you want?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I wanted to propose to you.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Er, make you a proposition!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02As long as it's nothing to do with painting, art or artists.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I've had a basinful.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07How interesting that fine art should be the sujet du jour,
0:11:07 > 0:11:11because I happen to have this rather glorious picture of a horsey.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12< LAUGHTER
0:11:12 > 0:11:16Will you please go out there
0:11:16 > 0:11:18and tell your uncle I wish to speak to him at once?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Damn right.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35We need to talk.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Oh, phooey.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42I refuse to discuss...miss you with the likes of...Polk.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45No intention of discussing the female
0:11:45 > 0:11:48I plan to cart orf from this dump.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I'm talking about art.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Ha! Art.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58Scarcely a subject for this turpentine community.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04No. Philistine community.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12My boy.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Aunt Constance would like...
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Aunts can wait. What about this dismal crasher Didcot?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20We can't have him bellowing about the place, terrorising your father.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24I ask this rhetorically, for I already have the answer.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26What do we do?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Leave Miss Polk alone.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32My dear boy, I believe you hold a torch for her.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Excellent! I salute your taste and judgment.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39It makes it even simpler for us to have our cake and lie in it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Freddie, do you trust me
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- to take charge of your sentimental education?- Hmm...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45This is the bit where you say, "Yes, uncle."
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Yes, uncle.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Good, here's the plan. Hannibal must propose to Vanessa, tonight.- Mmm...
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Don't moo at me - I didn't say marry. I said propose.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56The formal offer is all.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00To this end you must make love to Vanessa yourself, assiduously
0:13:00 > 0:13:05and publicly. Right under the twitching nostrils of your aunt.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Go to it.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Right!
0:13:10 > 0:13:11Ah... Connie,
0:13:11 > 0:13:14have you seen Miss erm...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Ah, there she is.
0:13:16 > 0:13:20With Frederick. They're getting on like a horse on fire.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24House. And it is a conflagration you must stamp out.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28The whole point of the match was that it should be with Lord Didcot.
0:13:28 > 0:13:32That is all very modern and I dare say commendably open-minded,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34but on Frederick's behalf...
0:13:34 > 0:13:35Give me strength.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38I am not suggesting that Freddie should marry Hannibal.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39I'm glad you've reconsidered.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41What if there'd been a daughter? She might have had a moustache
0:13:41 > 0:13:44and a big roary voice going ugh-ugh-ugh...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46You just break it up.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Hannibal, I did not make myself clear.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55It is imperative that you marry Miss Polk.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57You will find the arrangement agreeable and convenient,
0:13:57 > 0:13:59and it will make you less choleric.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I'm not choleric.
0:14:01 > 0:14:03I'm famous for my ruddy sunny disposition.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Damn and blast you, woman!
0:14:05 > 0:14:06< LAUGHTER
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Oh, Lord, he's useless!
0:14:08 > 0:14:09Listen to me, Hannibal.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12I want you to go out there and stop this conversation.
0:14:12 > 0:14:13What conversation?
0:14:16 > 0:14:17What?
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Potty as a hatful of pixies.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31You want to know something on the QT about Calypso?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Do I know a cutie called Calypso?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Er...
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Aha, Miss Polk.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43There you are.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47Thought you might care to take a stroll.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53The park here is pretty tawdry compared to mine.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Didcot, Miss Polk is working.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58And I call that a damned indignity.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Totty like her didn't ought to have to work.
0:15:02 > 0:15:08God's ruddy trousers, Emsworth, Blandings is a temple to barbarity.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11And when are you going to cough up my 50 quid?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Just pay him, Clarence. Just pay him. This whole ghastly rigmarole
0:15:14 > 0:15:16is making me bilious. Get your cheque book.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Connie.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Where is Beach?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Climping.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Well, well. Does he climp, or is he...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35being climped?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- He's on holiday.- Oh.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Lord Emsworth, we were speaking earlier about the painting in the...
0:15:40 > 0:15:42So, my dear, eh?
0:15:42 > 0:15:44HE CHUCKLES
0:15:44 > 0:15:45Argh!
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Oh. I'm so sorry.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53I seem to have stuck my fork into your hand.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Idiot. Can't even squeeze a girl's knee under the table...
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Ooh!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06A gift from me to you.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08How do you do that?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10A trick I picked up in the Kalahari.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- An establishment on Dover Street. - Ah.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17You and I, young man. We share an interest.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Not her, you imbecile. The horse.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22How much do you want for it?
0:16:22 > 0:16:24I'll give you half that.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Connie? Connie, can we speak?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Yes, of course. As long as it's not about art.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32The whole subject brings me out in hives.
0:16:32 > 0:16:37Talk to me, then. Talk to me about anything. Hives. Bees.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39I once had a bumblebee in a matchbox.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I called him Hammy. I'd always wanted a hamster, you see.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43You have such beautiful eyes.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47I am going to bathe my temples with eau de Cologne.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06Miss Polk must marry Batey Didcot. I entirely agree.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08You're scheming. Why?
0:17:08 > 0:17:11Hannibal has become intolerable. Have you established
0:17:11 > 0:17:13whether or not the old warthog actually wants to marry her?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15I'm certain of it.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18So am I. But he's too self-obsessed, crass and idle to ask.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20He should trust to the pen.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Your pen.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27KNOCK ON DOOR
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Darling.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Oh, my God!
0:17:36 > 0:17:40If you think you can beat me down with that kind of pansy flimflam,
0:17:40 > 0:17:42then you're savagely mistaken.
0:17:42 > 0:17:46I'll give you 300 for the piece, take it or leave it.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51Didcot, I cannot permit you to describe my beloved as a piece.
0:17:51 > 0:17:55I'm talking about the ruddy horse, you snivelling amoeba.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57I see we are at cross porpoises... purposes...
0:17:57 > 0:18:02Just shut up and listen. 300. Cash.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Damn and blast you, man - concentrate! Stop thinking about
0:18:06 > 0:18:11the wretched American girl, she's out of your puny league.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15We shall discover, Didcot, whose leg is puny.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22KNOCK ON DOOR
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Now look here, you ruddy beef-faced walrus...
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Ah, Beach! Oh...
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Now, listen to me.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39I want you to get Hannibal and bring him to my room, now.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Constance. There are limits.
0:18:42 > 0:18:46- Oh, for heaven's sakes, you're such a booby!- I can't allow...
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Stop speaking. I cannot, with propriety, possibly go to his room.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54You must bring him to mine. I need to dictate to him.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02SNORING
0:19:06 > 0:19:08Didcot? Erm...
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Just a minute...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Didcot...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I...er...
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Sorry...
0:19:19 > 0:19:20Oh, dear...
0:19:22 > 0:19:26- Sorry, so clumsy... - CLANKING
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Ah, this looks promising...
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Didcot, are you in here?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32ARRGGH!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Where are you, you filthy sewer?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Ah, Didcot, there you are.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Anything you need?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45What I need, Emsworth,
0:19:45 > 0:19:48is for you to stop acting the goat in my bathroom. How Connie manages...
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Connie! Yes, yes.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- She wishes to lord it over you, in her bedroom.- What?!
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Not the precise phrase, but she wishes to talk to you. Hmm?
0:19:58 > 0:20:01When you've finished with that poker
0:20:01 > 0:20:06would you return it to the drawing room? There's a good fellow.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08Nighty-night. Yes.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Gute nacht. Bonne nuit.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Now, Hannibal, I am concerned.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21You lay siege to Vanessa in entirely the wrong way.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24You make no progress whatsoever.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27I want you to write a letter, proposing marriage.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30What foaming lunacy is this? I've never written a letter in m'life.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33For once, you will do as you are told. Now sit.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Paper. Pen.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Write thus.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42"My darling angel..."
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Oh, this is bilge.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45WRITE IT.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Priceless. Priceless.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Claude. Claude. Come here.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52Her ladyship has roused you from her bed.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55You will find that she wishes you to give a letter to Miss Polk.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58I will relieve you of the burden of this mission.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00Just give the letter to me.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02I think you may have dropped ten shillings.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Good man.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Any other business...
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Angel, I can barely stand...
0:21:30 > 0:21:32500. My last, final offer.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35You drive a hard bargain, Threepwood, and I admire you for it.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39But if you don't give me the horse, I'm going to smash your face in.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Oh...I shall get it directly. It's in the bin.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43What's in the bin?
0:21:43 > 0:21:45Nothing. You confuse me, Didcot, with this talk of bins.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Return to your room and I shall retrieve the horsey
0:21:48 > 0:21:50from the very special place I wedged it. Left it.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55- Claude, well done. Splendid fellow. - What?
0:21:55 > 0:22:00Nephew. Is your tender soul ready for part two of your education?
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Er... Which was the first?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Freddie!
0:22:20 > 0:22:25It is a far, far... thing...that I do.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I shall do it better.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29You do it pretty well already, honey.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Right.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Oh!
0:22:54 > 0:22:57One horsey.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00And er...
0:23:00 > 0:23:03We agreed 500 big ones, I believe?
0:23:03 > 0:23:06HE CHUCKLES
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Ha!
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Now, Didcot, attend me well.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I am in possession of your letter to Miss Polk.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20And I happen to know she is not a millionaire's daughter.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23She is an impostress. Impostrix.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24She is penniless.
0:23:24 > 0:23:30But, naturally, you will honour your written offer of marriage?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Bring me a poker.
0:23:33 > 0:23:36I shall not.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41I want to drag out your intestines like spaghetti.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44What you want, Didcot,
0:23:44 > 0:23:49and what you get, are two mutually extruding elephants.
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Now, if you don't marry Miss Polk, you'll be in breach of promise
0:23:53 > 0:23:56and vilified as an utter stoat.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59My advice to you, therefore, is to pay the lady off.
0:23:59 > 0:24:05I am content to broker the transaction. And I recommend cash.
0:24:06 > 0:24:11The sum of 500 has a familiar weight.
0:24:11 > 0:24:13HE GROWLS
0:24:17 > 0:24:19ROARING
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Sotheby's. NOW!
0:24:54 > 0:24:55What's the haul?
0:24:55 > 0:24:56£1,000.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Tippety-top! I tick your paper and mark it alpha plus.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- Now shall I help you with the arithmetic?- Oh, please.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04100 quid to Catsmeat. Ten bob for me.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06That leaves £899.10.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- How much has your father been subbing you over the years?- Oh...
0:25:10 > 0:25:11Call it 500.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I want you to go and give it to him.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Now, the rest you must blow on Vanessa.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Whisk her back to London and buy her a slap-up dinner
0:25:17 > 0:25:19and dance at the Pink Pussy, every night this week.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21- Uncle Gally...- Yes?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24When I grow up, can I be like you?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Who knows, my boy? We can but guide you thither.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28If the sun shines on you in youth,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32you grow up knowing it's been put there for that express purpose.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Ah...
0:25:37 > 0:25:38Ah! Guv'nor!
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Right...
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Brace yourself.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Something very extraordinary is about to happen.
0:25:47 > 0:25:48Guv?
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Am I hallucinating, or did you just come to my bedroom
0:26:01 > 0:26:04and give me a vast amount of money?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05Guv'nor, I did.
0:26:05 > 0:26:09- Are you sure it wasn't the other way around?- No, no.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12How extraordinary.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Oh! Vanessa, good morning.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17I trust you slept after the disturbances of the evening.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Oh, I slept like a hairy bear.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28You weren't...disturbed again?
0:26:28 > 0:26:29By someone delivering a letter?
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Morning.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Whatever has gone wrong, Galahad, I blame you.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37Perfectly reasonable and entirely expected. Now hear this.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Vanessa, if you have beans, spill 'em now.
0:26:40 > 0:26:47Very well. Freddie. That small picture in oils of a horse.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Oh, Lord, don't say you want it.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50I just flogged it to Hannibal for 500 quid.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- What?! - I never wanted it.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55I knew when I painted it the other day that it was garbage.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58That's why I threw it in a trash can in Green Park.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01That IS where you found it?
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- Outstanding! But this is the good bit. Clarence.- What?
0:27:04 > 0:27:09The picture of Calypso, sir. It's by Agnolo di Cosimo.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10Cozzy who?
0:27:10 > 0:27:13The painter generally known as Bronzino.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Oh, I've got a Bronzino!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18Chubby girl, lolling about on a lilo. Do you know it, Connie?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20Oh, God.
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Yes, Lord Emsworth. It's worth a very great deal of money indeed.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Well, I never.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30On the subject of money. I have to come clean.
0:27:30 > 0:27:36I am not JB Polk's daughter. I am not a millionairess.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Fact is... I'm pretty much a bum.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44Not entirely sure that word translates. Bum.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Clarence. Here is the situation.
0:27:46 > 0:27:49Hannibal paid a fortune for a pile of codswallop -
0:27:49 > 0:27:52no offence, Vanessa - and Sotheby's is about to bray in his face.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55You, on the other hand, have a nice picture of a roly-poly popsy
0:27:55 > 0:27:56worth untold gold.
0:27:56 > 0:28:01I'd say it's time to burst joy's grape against our palate fine!
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Absolutely! Hurrah! Whose grape?
0:28:03 > 0:28:08- Joy's.- Joy, you are most welcome at Blandings, my dear.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Why, thank you, Lord Emsworth.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12I am going to my room.
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Are you, Connie? As you wish.
0:28:15 > 0:28:16We shall miss you.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Oh, God...
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Has anyone seen Beach?