0:00:26 > 0:00:28ENGINE SPLUTTERS
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Oh, no!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45BELL RINGS
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- Beach?- My Lady?
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Frederick?!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04FREDERICK STUTTERS AND STAMMERS
0:01:14 > 0:01:16CONSTANCE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:01:16 > 0:01:19FREDERICK WHIMPERS
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Aunt, please, I have a bit of a head.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25God knows, you don't have to tell me that!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27If you wish to retain what little you have left of it,
0:01:27 > 0:01:29explain the truncated trousers.
0:01:29 > 0:01:34Yeah. Well, I thought, I might run faster.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35Than what?
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Than I would if my trousers were the usual length.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39It was a wager, you see.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Oh!- Catsmeat ordered this great jug of Rigor Mortis, and I...
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- Drank it all.- No, no, no! Not all of it!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Good grief! Most of it. Oh.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I shouldn't wish you to think that I'm neglecting you.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02But out of season, there is still combat to be had with Stinker!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05So, please...please excuse me.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Clarence!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I can stand it no longer!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Freddie must be married!
0:02:12 > 0:02:15There is no other lawful way to dispose of him!
0:02:15 > 0:02:18I have selected Felicity Parsloe-Parsloe.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21And I have rung Sir Gregory to discuss the matter...
0:02:25 > 0:02:27It's like a pantomime!
0:02:27 > 0:02:30I mention the word Parsloe, and he vanishes!
0:02:40 > 0:02:44Hey! Why the long face?
0:02:44 > 0:02:45Oh, is it?
0:02:45 > 0:02:50Oh, no, no, I couldn't... possibly bore you with all that.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Bet you could if you tried?
0:02:51 > 0:02:56Well, it was a fairly orthodox knees-up at the Pink Pussy.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Cocktails were ingested.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Oofy bet me 50 quid I couldn't do the 100-yard dash
0:03:00 > 0:03:02- in under 12 seconds. - And you couldn't?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Not with a duck-billed platypus jammed down my trousers, no.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08That was an intrinsic part of the wager. The platypus.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12I thought I could do it by streamlining the leggings,
0:03:12 > 0:03:17but two seconds into the race, the ruddy beak came off.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Which was pretty disconcerting. - Not least for the platypus!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Oh, no, he was stuffed. As am I.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Ah, Guv'nor. This is, erm...
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Niagara Donaldson. I generally answer to Aggie.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32No, no, no good, can't get that at all.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36Niagara. Like the big waterfall.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Heavens! That must have caused raised eyebrows around the font.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- My father's American. - Well, somebody has to be.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45This is all very stimulating, but I fear I have other business.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Please forgive me.
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Stuffed?
0:03:50 > 0:03:55Oh, yes...Oofy's after me for 150 quid.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59Harvest festival, McAllister!
0:03:59 > 0:04:03Ah...
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Is she bigger than Sir Gregory's, do you think?
0:04:06 > 0:04:11Sir Grigory's gourd'll be a mickle sproogy bairn compared to hir.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14I named hir Desdemona.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Yer dinnae thunk the name improper?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Good Lord, no! Hah!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21I just met a charming young woman, named after a natural wonder.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24Cheops... No, that was man-made. Erm...
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- Niagara?- No, no, something more exotic. Stromboli.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Hello, everyone!
0:04:30 > 0:04:35- My, that pumpkin! She's really bonny.- Isn't she?
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Guaranteed to kick Stinker into a cocked hat, wouldn't you say?
0:04:39 > 0:04:40I would.
0:04:40 > 0:04:45I'll counsel ye nae to be over-familiar wi' his Lordshup, hen.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52And beware the bairn-faced loon.
0:04:53 > 0:04:58So, you are enjoying the university, Miss Parsloe-Parsloe?
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Yup.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Fascinating.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05Felicity, lovely gardens here at Blandings.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Why not take a squint?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09Yup.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15CLOCK CHIMES
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Charming girl. - Can we not beat about the bush?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21You reckon there's a match to be made. Your nephew, my niece.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Mm-hm.- Fact is, Constance, your nephew couldn't find his backside
0:05:24 > 0:05:25with an illustrated guidebook!
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Your niece is unusual.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Damned attractive.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32To other unusual girls, possibly.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34CONSTANCE SIGHS
0:05:36 > 0:05:39I'll put up with yours, Sir Gregory, if you'll put up with mine.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43In that case, I have terms.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- Name them.- Emsworth!
0:05:45 > 0:05:49This silly rivalry he insists on perpetuating!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Pigs. Pumpkins. It's got to stop.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56I wish to enter such competitions unchallenged by your brother.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Harvest Festival and so on.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I want to win!
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I shall leave Felicity here for the rest of the day.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Yes, please do.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I'm sure all this can be arranged to our mutual satisfaction,
0:06:11 > 0:06:13without difficulty.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Good afternoon.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25No difficulty at all.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28LAUGHTER
0:06:32 > 0:06:35Beach! You didn't see me!
0:06:35 > 0:06:38Very good, sir.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Beach, did you see Mr Frederick? No.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Because he told you that you didn't.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Did he remember to tell you that you also didn't see
0:06:47 > 0:06:50the young woman that he was dragging by the hand?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53No. So you are at liberty to tell me about her.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Who is she?
0:06:54 > 0:06:57She is Miss Niagara Donaldson, your Ladyship.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01Donaldson? Doesn't sound terribly encouraging.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Define Miss Donaldson.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Her uncle is the gardener, McAllister, my Lady.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- Bring me Lord Emsworth. - Yes, your Ladyship.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- Then bring me McAllister. - Yes, your Ladyship.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28GREGORY SHOUTS, SURPRISED
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Can I assist ye, Sir Grigory?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- McAllister, is it not?- Aye...
0:07:34 > 0:07:37You know... McAllister,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39you should consider coming to work for me.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42You might find me more... appreciative.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Let me give you my number. Let's see... Ah, yes.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56So.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58You've writ it on a five-poon note.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Really? Oh, yes.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Better hang on to it, then.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Freddie might well propose to her!
0:08:15 > 0:08:19God knows, he'd propose to a cushion if it had tassels on it
0:08:19 > 0:08:22and succumbed to his vacuous conversation!
0:08:22 > 0:08:26If McAllister is her uncle, imagine her father!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Do you really want him sitting next to you at dinner,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31breathing on your cheese, trifling with your cigars
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- and gargling your brandy?- Oh...
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I shall explain this one last time.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38I have identified a highly appropriate girl for Freddie.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Her name is Felicity Par...
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Felicity.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Felicity Felicity?!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48She has acquired at the university
0:08:48 > 0:08:51a very interesting personal style...
0:08:51 > 0:08:53As long as she doesn't dress like a man and smoke a pipe.
0:08:53 > 0:08:54KNOCK AT DOOR
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- McAllister, my Lord. - Remember you are an Emsworth!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Ah, McAllister, there you are! Jolly good!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Her Ladyship...
0:09:04 > 0:09:08erm...feels...
0:09:08 > 0:09:13I struggle to describe quite how her Ladyship feels.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Lovely morning.- Yup.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24There is really no gentlemanly way to say this,
0:09:24 > 0:09:26so I shall just have to say it.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Everglades.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I know that is not quite correct, but you know of whom I speak.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33- Niagara?- Precisely.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35McAllister. It has to stop.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37What has to stop, my Lord?
0:09:37 > 0:09:41- The friendship with my son, Frederick.- WHAT?!
0:09:41 > 0:09:42You did not know?
0:09:42 > 0:09:46Oh, my dear fellow, Frederick and Miss Great Lakes.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47They're sweethearts.
0:09:47 > 0:09:51Yon clockwork cretin shall nay lay his fickle finger
0:09:51 > 0:09:54upon the fragrant person o' ma niece.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55I take your point of view.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59But the fact is, McAllister, Miss Grand Canyon's visit to Blandings
0:09:59 > 0:10:01probably has to be curtailed.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03She's no' visiting - she's ma tenant.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- I thought she was your niece? - She's ma niece AND ma tenant!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07She pays me twa poon a week.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10Twa poon? Oh, does she? Good heavens!
0:10:10 > 0:10:13What if I were to offer you, erm, three poon?
0:10:13 > 0:10:16By which I obviously mean four poon.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- It is nae the remuneration, my Lord. It is the prunciple.- Oh!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I warn ye, if there's any further attempt
0:10:23 > 0:10:27to remove Niagara from my dwelling, I shall resign ma post!
0:10:27 > 0:10:31My dear fellow, you clearly can't do that. No. Consider Desdemona.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Yae consider her!
0:10:33 > 0:10:39Moreover, if I find yir poonstrick son canoodling with ma niece...
0:10:39 > 0:10:43I shall suspend him fae rafters like a flutch o' bacon.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Oh!
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Who is Desdemona?!
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Oh, Connie, do you never pay attention to the names that matter?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53She is my PUMPKIN!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Directly after my interview with McAllister,
0:10:56 > 0:11:01I went to the greenhouse to inspect her, and her skin was wrinkling.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02CONNIE GROANS
0:11:02 > 0:11:05It's like the terrible climax of Ryder Haggard's She in there!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09Can you not see that alliance with this Niagara Donaldson
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- besmirches the honour of the Emsworths?- Oh!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14If you are ever to exert even the slightest authority
0:11:14 > 0:11:18over this family, you must assist me with Felicity Parsloe-Parsloe!
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- For a minute there, I thought you said...- Yes, I did.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23In a moment you'll have forgotten, so it is of no consequence.
0:11:23 > 0:11:27A hallmark, I find, of our general conversation.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Felicity.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Pretty name.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36I say, old boy, you haven't seen a corking little redhead
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- about the place, have you?- Nope.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Threepwood, F.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Parsloe-Parsloe, F.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48Oh! Ha!
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- Oh!- You met Felicity.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- Good.- Erm...- Be quiet!- Oh.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58All undergraduates are the same.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01They wear extraordinary clothes and try to unsettle people.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04She'll grow out of it once she's married.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- To you.- Gah!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08You shall consent to this union, Freddie!
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Would you not die in battle for the honour of the Emsworths?
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Yes. I would.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Infinitely preferable to a life of sharing the marital toothbrush
0:12:15 > 0:12:17with a girl called Parsloe-Parsloe!
0:12:17 > 0:12:21Don't talk rot! Marriage is not about sharing anything.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23It is about property and succession.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24FREDDIE WHINES
0:12:24 > 0:12:28Stop howling like an impaled baboon! Think about your duty!
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Miss Parsloe-Parsloe, do you need a light for that pipe?
0:12:32 > 0:12:33CONNIE CHUCKLES
0:12:38 > 0:12:41- Glass of port, Mr Frederick?- Er...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45Lubricates the brain.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I mean, you've seen the girl, Beach!
0:12:47 > 0:12:49She clearly cranks the starter with a motion
0:12:49 > 0:12:51that's not factory-approved.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53And I'm supposed to ask her to marry me!
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Is Miss Donaldson aware of your intention to propose, sir?
0:12:56 > 0:12:57No, no! Wrong girl!
0:12:57 > 0:13:02Aunt C's putting the heavy roller on me to pop the question to...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Beach.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06You're a ruddy genius!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Right question.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Wrong girl!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I might have known it!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40Erm, hello, erm, Parsloe.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I'm taking a very strong line on the protection of my pumpkin, Emsworth.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46Trespass again and you'll find yourself in custody.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- What? What?- You've been warned!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Hasn't your sister bothered to speak to you?
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- Of course she speaks to me! - So, what do you say, man? Yes or no?
0:13:54 > 0:13:58Erm... Yes... On the whole...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01All right, then. Good.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04All you need to do, Emsworth, as agreed with Connie,
0:14:04 > 0:14:09is stop this ruddy nonsense. Eh? Lay down your arms.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11CLARENCE MUTTERS
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Lay down your pumpkin.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19And as for your pig...
0:14:19 > 0:14:21wrap her up with a bow and send her round.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25PARSLOE CHUCKLES
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Ah! Erm, Miss Donaldson.
0:14:28 > 0:14:32We met but a few hours ago and we kissed once.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35Twice.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Proportionally, that is a 50% increase in our intimacy.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Now, look...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42would you mind awfully
0:14:42 > 0:14:44anteloping with me?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47- Is that a dance? - Erm. There could be dancing.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Oh, you mean will I run away with you and get married?
0:14:54 > 0:14:56OK!
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Really?! This is fantastic!
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Look, I'm pretty strapped for boodle.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Do you have a bit of cash for a couple of train tickets?
0:15:04 > 0:15:08That's a slightly worrying question, Freddie, but, yes, I do.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Top! Meet you at the pigsty.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15How romantic!
0:15:20 > 0:15:22150%! Hurrah!
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Woo-hoo!
0:15:33 > 0:15:36My darkest fear, McAllister,
0:15:36 > 0:15:40is that Parsloe's ruddy pumpkin is portlier than mine.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Gah! Yer should fear for yir son.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Truffling roond the dainty petticoats of ma niece. I warned ye!
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Don't concern yourself with Frederick. He's getting married.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Yes, yes, all settled. To that girl. Peculiar name.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- Niagara?- Very possibly.
0:15:54 > 0:15:56And ye endorse this marriage?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59I do, McAllister. My dear fellow, it's really no concern of yours.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Let us discuss fertilisers.
0:16:01 > 0:16:07Lord Emsworth, the situation is untenable. I resign yir employ.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Angus. No, you can't.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12What about the silky flesh of Desdemona?
0:16:12 > 0:16:17You think on it, mun! Ach, I'm awa to pack ma bag.
0:16:20 > 0:16:25No, no, no. Not Niagula. No. No.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Freddie's marrying the Parsloe girl.
0:16:32 > 0:16:36But he can't do that. He can't do that!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Clarence?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Clarence? I... Whatever are you doing that for?
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Always showing off. I suppose it's some sort of bet.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Actually, it's quite simple. I... - Calamitous news!
0:16:56 > 0:17:01- What?- McAllister has resigned. I am not quite sure how it happened.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I was... Good gracious.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- Hullo, Guv'nor. - Now, listen to me, Frederick.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08You are not to Parsloe Miss Marry.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Understood? Anybody but her.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Your aunt has a demented ambition to marry you off to some cushion.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15Can I marry Miss Donaldson?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Yes. Absolutely. Whoever she is.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19- Clarence!- Stop squawking my name like some ruddy
0:17:19 > 0:17:22- multicoloured...sits up here... mind your fingers.- Parrot.
0:17:22 > 0:17:26Thank you. Why are you doing upside down? Don't answer that, no time.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30Moreover, did you or did you not have some
0:17:30 > 0:17:35infernal agreement with Stinker about me giving him the Empress?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- I...- I am too angry to listen and to hear you out.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I am going to my room.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- So am I.- Well, I said it first, so yah boo sucks and no returnsies.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- Childish. So childish! - Can't hear you. Can't hear you.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- You are a child. - Can't hear you. Can't hear you.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53I'm not chasing you. I'm not chasing you!
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Oh...
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Oh.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04FRANTIC KNOCK ON DOOR
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Beach.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I've blundered, terribly. I must speak to McAllister.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12He left you this note, my Lord,
0:18:12 > 0:18:15advising you of his new position.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25Squeaky thing... Uncomfortable seat... Oil on the trouser cuffs.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26Bicycle, my Lord?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27Quick as you can!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32Angus, how could you?
0:18:39 > 0:18:41You! You're sacked. Get lost.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Now, McAllister....
0:18:47 > 0:18:48..have a sticky willy.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Go on, have a large one.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53BICYCLE APPROACHES
0:18:53 > 0:18:54BELL RINGS
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- Ah, Constable Piper. - Reporting for duty, sir.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Through the bench, I have been able to secure young Piper
0:19:00 > 0:19:02as the pumpkin's personal bodyguard.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08HE SIGHS
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Ah! Ah! Be a good fellow, will you, and cut me down?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Yup.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Oh, God.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Ah, um...Felicity.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Yup.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Do you ever say anything that isn't a monosyllable?
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Occasionally.
0:19:31 > 0:19:32Oh!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35A little less of a sissy with a bit of colour in your cheeks.
0:19:35 > 0:19:40My entire bloodstream has congregated in my head. But, look,
0:19:40 > 0:19:43I thought you blew the flugelhorn from the speaking end?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Lord, no. Perfectly regular embouchure.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49And I know how to work all the valves.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50HE LAUGHS
0:19:50 > 0:19:53When I come home, I drag up like this to ward off
0:19:53 > 0:19:55all the ghastly bores my father wants me to marry.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59- Well, I'll be... - Careful what you wish for, matey.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Ticky, ticky, ticky!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05HE LAUGHS
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Oh, no. This is not what it looks like!
0:20:10 > 0:20:13You wouldn't hit a chap in glasses, would you?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Miss Niagara Donaldson? - What about it?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Just checking. I'm going to have a word with your uncle.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Oh...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Oh.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49McAllister?
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Oi! Dismount that apparatus. Are you taking the...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Get off that bike! - My dear fellow...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Don't you "dear fellow" me, mate. Right. Name.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- My name?- No, granny's name.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Erm, Rosalind Elspeth. - What's your name?!
0:21:27 > 0:21:33Lord Emsworth. Erm... Baptised Clarence, 9th Earl.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35At school, I was called Fathead.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38You're the Earl of Emsworth, are you, sunshine?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I was never called "sunshine".
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Give up your real name, chummy, or I'm putting the cuffs on you.
0:21:43 > 0:21:44He's Lord Emsworth.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Are you saying you'll vouch for this man, sir?
0:21:47 > 0:21:52I tended his park for 20 year. I'll vouch for the fool.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Right, well, we'll say no more about it.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh. He's taking my bicycle.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01McAllister.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05Your delightful niece, whose name inevitably escapes me,
0:22:05 > 0:22:08she isn't going to marry Frederick. No. No. In fact,
0:22:08 > 0:22:11she just punched him in the face, so, you see, it's all wonderful.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12You can come back!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15I took Sir Grigory's stucky wully.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Did it touch your lips?
0:22:17 > 0:22:19It did not.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23Well, I am sure we may consider you untainted.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Angus, what do you say?
0:22:27 > 0:22:31Desdemona, there's still time to present her to the festival.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Ah! Oh, good gracious. My dear fellow, oh, oh,
0:22:37 > 0:22:39you are one in a million. Oh, yes!
0:22:50 > 0:22:54Between the two of us, we could make a very passable panda bear.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03I don't suppose you want to get married, do you,
0:23:03 > 0:23:04and all that sort of rot?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Perfectly ghastly prospect for all concerned.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11But it seems to be required.
0:23:13 > 0:23:17So, hold the nose and think of England?
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Do you feel up to it?
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Yup.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25- "Yup"? Is that your monosyllable of choice?- Yup.- Yup.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Well, so be it. Jolly old bombs away.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- Should we kiss... - I don't think that's necessary.- No.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38There could be tickling, though.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Ticky. Ticky.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Ticky, ticky, ticky, ticky!
0:23:43 > 0:23:46THEY LAUGH
0:24:11 > 0:24:12Ah! Beach.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18Advance warning. We may be preparing the castle for an event.
0:24:18 > 0:24:21A marquee may be required. What?
0:24:23 > 0:24:24I did not speak, your Ladyship.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27And I heard you not doing it. Out with it.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32I was...perusing Society Spice, your Ladyship, and I encountered
0:24:32 > 0:24:36some intelligence which I felt obliged to confide in Lord Emsworth.
0:24:36 > 0:24:40I am uncertain if he has grasped the significance of it.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42All right, Beach! Orf you go!
0:24:42 > 0:24:45I am in command of the information!
0:24:46 > 0:24:48I have rectified everything.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51I have re-engaged McAllister.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Moreover, Beach has found out the queerest thing.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59Nicaragua is the sole heiress of Hiram K Donaldson,
0:24:59 > 0:25:01"The Biscuit King".
0:25:01 > 0:25:05Yes. She stands to inherit millions of dollars.
0:25:05 > 0:25:09Isn't that extraordinary? In fact, there she is now.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12Going for a walk with some sort of suitcase.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Do you want a bit and all, Jimmy?
0:25:23 > 0:25:25Harvest Festival in an hour.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28Thought I'd come and collect Emsworth's pumpkin,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31as I'm entering it for competition, with my own.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34They're both my own, de facto.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36We also must fix surrender of the pig.
0:25:36 > 0:25:39FREDDIE LAUGHS
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Yes... Um...
0:25:44 > 0:25:48Felicity, you're amusing but extremely strange.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50You shall not marry Freddie.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Clarence, you're an imbecile,
0:25:54 > 0:25:55but I love you.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57- Too kind.- Be quiet.
0:25:57 > 0:26:01I shall not see you parted from your pumpkin or your pig.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Constance, think what you're doing!
0:26:04 > 0:26:09No other man of rank will consent to the burden of Freddie Threepwood.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Damn it, woman, we had a deal!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Sir Gregory, you're an old friend that I like and admire,
0:26:14 > 0:26:17but I wouldn't trust you as far as I could spit a weasel.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- Hurrah for Aunt C! - Be quiet. Freddie.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Emsworths all,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23back to the house.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Ha! Ha ha ha!
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Beach, did you find a jug?
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Aha!
0:26:34 > 0:26:38Right! Now, the secret of a really stiff Rigor Mortis
0:26:38 > 0:26:40is plenty of yellow Chartreuse.
0:26:41 > 0:26:45Angus! Angus! Oh, my dear fellow!
0:26:45 > 0:26:49Good heavens. First prize, Desdemona! First prize!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Hurrah!
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Here you are, Beach.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56This'll put lead in your little propelling pencil. McAllister?
0:26:56 > 0:26:59Please apologise to your niece for my allowing my face
0:26:59 > 0:27:01to get in the way of her fist.
0:27:01 > 0:27:05If she returns to Blandings, I'd like to see her again.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07SHE GULPS
0:27:08 > 0:27:09Please?
0:27:19 > 0:27:21Freddie?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25You know that trouser business? How much do you owe?
0:27:25 > 0:27:30- Oh, erm...- Doesn't matter, just get my chequebook. In fact, no, wait.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32You know those silly songs
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- that you always play that irritate me so much?- Mm.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Will you play one now?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47# Here am I, going quietly bonkers
0:27:47 > 0:27:49# And cos why
0:27:49 > 0:27:51# I'm dreaming of you
0:27:51 > 0:27:53# Well, love's no joke
0:27:53 > 0:27:55# When either is a bloke like me
0:27:55 > 0:27:58# A-goin' quietly bonkers
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- ALL:- # Love, they said Heavens above, they said
0:28:01 > 0:28:04# It's a heaven an' all
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Well, if this is what they call heaven
0:28:07 > 0:28:09# For the love of Mike
0:28:09 > 0:28:11# What's the other place like? #
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Do you know what I call this, Connie?
0:28:13 > 0:28:14Capital?
0:28:14 > 0:28:16I call it capital.
0:28:18 > 0:28:21# The way things are I feel a proper Charlie
0:28:21 > 0:28:24# Till I know that you
0:28:24 > 0:28:26# Are going quietly bonkers
0:28:26 > 0:28:28# Going quietly bonkers
0:28:28 > 0:28:30# Going quietly bonkers too. #