0:00:02 > 0:00:04HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:00:04 > 0:00:08This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18LOUD WHIRRING
0:00:18 > 0:00:20MAN SPEAKS ON RADIO
0:00:20 > 0:00:23He does this on missions!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25He goes into himself!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Focusing on what lies ahead!
0:00:27 > 0:00:29LOUD WHIRRING
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Round about now, I pretend to go into myself,
0:00:31 > 0:00:33so Millsy will stop talking to me!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35MAN SPEAKING ON RADIO
0:00:35 > 0:00:39- AMERICAN ACCENT:- I had a buddy of mine, did what you do!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Back in Fallujah! He got blown to shit!
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Man! Fallujah was crazy!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49Hey, did I tell you about the time I took a dump
0:00:49 > 0:00:51in one of Saddam's palaces?
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- SCOTTISH ACCENT:- That's nothing! I once took a dump in a Tesco Metro!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58- Freezer section! - Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00I was in Iraq the first time!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Er...with the Service. Desert Storm!
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- What service?- The service!
0:01:06 > 0:01:07What service?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09The CIA!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Have that man shot!
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:01:17 > 0:01:18When I was in Fallujah, we were...
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Sorry, sir! We're coming in to land!
0:01:20 > 0:01:23We all have to be absolutely silent!
0:01:23 > 0:01:24Is that a security thing?
0:01:24 > 0:01:28Yeah! Yeah, we don't want the enemy to hear us coming!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- What?!- I said...
0:01:32 > 0:01:33Oh, forget it.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Whoo!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05CHATTER ON RADIO
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Left...left a bit.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Left.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Left. Left.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Left!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Everything in hand, Bird? - Yes, Nick.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Left a bit more.- Look, Bird, do you want to drive it?
0:02:21 > 0:02:22Thank you very much!
0:02:24 > 0:02:25CRUNCH
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- HE SNIGGERS - You crashed the robot, huh?
0:02:28 > 0:02:30It was pulling to the right,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32and if they let me maintain him, rather than the techs doing it...
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Him?- It.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Maintain it, the robot...thing. I haven't named it.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Ah, I don't know why you'd let a lady drive it anyway!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:02:43 > 0:02:44OK, er...Simon? I think our visitor
0:02:44 > 0:02:46should maybe observe Mac and Rocket's, er...
0:02:46 > 0:02:49To be honest, I only get one word in ten that they say.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I mean, what part of England are they from?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Scotland!- We're frae Scotland! - For fuck's sake.
0:02:54 > 0:02:55What? You see?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Sir, please, for your own safety, if you could stay inside the vehicle.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00I know it's a hot day.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Yeah, all right, fine.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Newsflash, Brits!
0:03:04 > 0:03:09The weather is not as interesting as you think it is!
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Right...my turn.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Back in a mo.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Boss on the move.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- HORN SOUNDS - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:03:19 > 0:03:22No, no, no, no, no! You can't come through!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24You need some help? Let me handle this. Hey!
0:03:24 > 0:03:25Hey, hey! Everybody!
0:03:25 > 0:03:29Shut the fuck up!
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- You're welcome. - BIKE REVS
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Who needs an interpreter when you can just shout, eh?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39- AMERICAN ACCENT:- When I was in Fallujah, I shouted at everybody!
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Mac! Rocket!
0:03:56 > 0:03:59ON RADIO: 'OK, Millsy, it's a bog-standard pressure plate.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01'The battery pack's exposed.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02'I'm gonna target it with the disruptor
0:04:02 > 0:04:03'then come back for the hook and line.'
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- Boss. - LOW CHATTER
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Mac. Rocket. I don't like the atmospherics.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Whoo! Eyes on.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16You get used to the heat, but it's the dust. Damn!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Yeah.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Oh, er...sir?
0:04:20 > 0:04:23If you could just keep your helmet...
0:04:23 > 0:04:26You know, kid, listen, when I was in Fallujah...
0:04:26 > 0:04:27GUNSHOTS
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Fuck!
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Man down! Medic! Everyone cover!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34GUNFIRE
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Oh! Right! Bluestone 42. 200 metres.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39One snipe by 11 o'clock!
0:04:39 > 0:04:41Building...the only building here.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43GUNFIRE
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Whoa!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Contact left! Tree line at ten o'clock!
0:04:51 > 0:04:53There! Crossing! Go, go, go, go!
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Charlie Charlie 1, this is Bluestone 42. Contact. Wait out.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Bird! Cat D!
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Hello, Diamond 21. This is Bluestone 42. Contact,
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Yellow 12. 1 Cas, Cat D.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07We are engaging. Sit rep to follow. Out.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Pam! Pam! Tell me we haven't lost him!
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- We haven't lost him! - Have we lost him?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- We've lost him.- Shit!
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Arthur! - Bird? Who's Arthur?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23No-one!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Well, you guys were taking too long.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00OK, Bluestone 42. Listen up.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04We've got a man down,
0:06:04 > 0:06:07so we can either go home and stare into space
0:06:07 > 0:06:10or we can deal with this IED, and every other IED,
0:06:10 > 0:06:12until the bastards that plant them die of old age or boredom,
0:06:12 > 0:06:14or of...well, I don't know what.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Drills and skills.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18- OTHERS:- Yes, boss.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Crack on.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- BIRD:- Hello, Diamond 11, this is Bluestone 42. Over.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27Diamond 11, this is Bluestone 42.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35VEHICLE RUMBLES AND SQUEAKS
0:06:38 > 0:06:42- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Hey! This is just like in Fallujah!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46When I was in the service in Fallujah... Pow!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Show some respect, would you, Mac?
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Too soon, aye?
0:06:50 > 0:06:51Fucking yes!
0:07:18 > 0:07:21PLANES ROAR
0:07:23 > 0:07:25What's the first rule of hospitality?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Is it something to do with cutlery?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Don't shoot the guests.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Sir, we did warn him that.... - Don't shoot them.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33The Americans are going to be furious.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35You know he saw a lot of action in Desert Storm?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37We were aware of that, sir.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- And he was in Fallujah. - Oh, really?
0:07:39 > 0:07:42So, everyone sees the Padre, individually.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- I thought he'd transferred. - New one arrived an hour ago.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Sir, about the incident...- Not now, Corporal. Grown-ups talking.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Now, as much as I love to visit this charming patrol base,
0:07:50 > 0:07:52please ensure my next visit
0:07:52 > 0:07:54is not accompanied by a hairy great shit-storm. All right?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Get this written up ASAP.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Sir, I'll personally write up a full report on the incident.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Good. Carry on.- Millsy?- Boss.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Write up a full report on the incident.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- Yes, boss. - Nick. Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Is the Lieutenant Colonel pissed off with me?
0:08:05 > 0:08:06He doesn't think it's my fault?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I mean, there's nothing else we could have done.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Look, I know, Simon. It's fucking awful, but we just have to move on.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Sort out everyone to see the new Padre.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Except me. I'm not talking to some God-botherer
0:08:14 > 0:08:16about inner feelings I don't even have.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Not a problem, boss. I'll find out when she's free.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Good. What? - I'll find out when she's free.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- She?- Mary.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25The new Padre. She's going to be based here, apparently.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Holy mother of shit.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29- I'll handle this.- Honestly...
0:08:29 > 0:08:30Oh, my eye!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Captain Nick Medhurst. ATO. Stands for
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Ammunition Technical Officer. It means bomb disposal expert. You know,
0:08:36 > 0:08:38the guy who takes his life in his own hands on a daily basis.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40But whatever. Call me Nick.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Er...Mary Greenstock. Padre.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Means...I'm Padre.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Ha-ha! Sorry. Um...I heard about the man down.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53Yeah, between you and me, he was a bit of a bell-end.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Obviously, it's a big shock. It's a...massive terrible shock.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02We were hoping you might have a word with some of the lads.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Starting with me. Simon, go and help Millsy with that report.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06- But I thought... - No time to lose, Simon.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Colonel wants it ASAP. - Yes, boss.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Cup of tea?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22- That the report?- Yup.
0:09:22 > 0:09:23Millsy...
0:09:23 > 0:09:26It's for my lot, Simon. It's not for your lot.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28I know we're from different regiments,
0:09:28 > 0:09:29but we're on the same team.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32You and me, corporals together.
0:09:32 > 0:09:33You're a lance corporal.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Yes, but...come on.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39OK, look, I just need to know where you were when the shot was fired.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Just put, "There was nothing we could have done to prevent it."
0:09:42 > 0:09:43OK.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Um...
0:09:45 > 0:09:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not "very little we could have done".
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Nothing. Nothing we could have done.
0:09:50 > 0:09:51No thing.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54No...no thing.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Millsy! What's wrong with you? Not "almost nothing".
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Not "practically nothing". Nothing.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01- But...- What could we have done?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- Tell me that.- OK.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04The moment he took his helmet off,
0:10:04 > 0:10:05you could have wrestled him to the ground.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07You wanted me to wrestle
0:10:07 > 0:10:11a CIA former special-forces Iraq veteran to the ground.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14- Would have saved his life.- Yeah, but it wouldn't have saved mine.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Because he'd have killed me!
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Nothing.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- Nothing, short of wrestling him...- Oh, give that here!
0:10:23 > 0:10:27He's quick. He is quick.
0:10:31 > 0:10:36- So, poor Colonel Carter. - Yes, tragic loss.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37A great soldier.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Five minutes ago, he was a bit of a bell-end.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42That would be the grief talking. Anger. Denial.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- Sadness.- It must have been very traumatic
0:10:44 > 0:10:48- for your whole team.- Yeah. They are a bit shaken up.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50So, if anyone needs to come and talk to me, I'll drop everything.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Well, I was thinking the two of us could spend some time...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54The young lads particularly. It can hit them very hard.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56- Give it back!- I just want tae borrow your wank mag!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Get off!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- This your mum, Rocket? - Go fuck yourself.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04I'm trying to.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07THUD Padre.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Padre, this is Mac and Rocket.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15They're both privates, appropriately enough.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Guys, if you wanted to drop in, have a chat,
0:11:16 > 0:11:19you know, after what happened to Colonel Carter...
0:11:19 > 0:11:21He took his fucking helmet off!
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Ma'am.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24It was...pretty full on.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- AMERICAN ACCENT:- Not as full on as Fallujah, huh?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Not now, Mac.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Still too soon, aye?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31- Yeah.- Fuck.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32- Toffee?- BOTH:- Brilliant.
0:11:36 > 0:11:41Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and see a man about a wank.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- All right, Bird? - Fucking amateurs.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Bird, Padre. Padre, Bird.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Er...does everyone call her that?
0:11:49 > 0:11:51Bird's my name. Lynda Bird.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52I don't have a problem with that,
0:11:52 > 0:11:55and I don't think anyone else does...ma'am.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Oh. Sorry.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Toffee? And if you also want to come in for a chat...
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I heard about what happened this morning.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Yeah. Messy.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Have you seen the robot?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07REME don't have a bloody clue what they're doing.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09What, a team of highly trained technicians don't have a bloody...
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- They are wrecking him.- Him?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13It.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Wrecking it.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16I haven't named the robot, OK?
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Well, you should. He'll be annoyed.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21I'm not some dappy cow who's got a name for their Nissan Micra.
0:12:21 > 0:12:22Oh, I used to call mine Bertie.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24And that's why you're a Padre and I'm a soldier.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Just one of the lads, yeah?
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Well, even lads have a sensitive side, so...
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- SHE BELCHES - Yeah.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- Er...my door's always open. - Uh-huh.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Winning their trust, it always takes a while.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Actually, it would probably help if I came out into the field with you.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41Could I do that?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Couldn't you just stay here and pray or something?
0:12:43 > 0:12:46It's just we try not to take passengers.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47You took Colonel Carter.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Yeah, and look what happened to that twat.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51May he rest in peace.
0:12:51 > 0:12:56Sorry, Padre, you've only just arrived. It's not going to happen.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01All right?
0:13:01 > 0:13:04Ooh, you look like a cat that's just been spayed.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Huh?- Nick knock you back?
0:13:06 > 0:13:07Yeah, I wanted to...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Oh, no, no, no. Not like that.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- I'm the Padre, so... - No shagging?
0:13:13 > 0:13:16Er...let's just say I'd be looking for the right context.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- No shagging till you're married? - Well, as a Christian, I think it is
0:13:19 > 0:13:21important to save that particular act...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- So, you don't want to shag him?- It's more a case of...
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- Simple yes or no's what I'm looking for.- I'm not...
0:13:25 > 0:13:26- Just curious. Yes or no? - It's...I just...
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Yes or no? Yes or no? - I'd rather...- Listen.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30It's a simple question. Yes or no?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- It's really not quite that...- OK.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34OK, fine.
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Oral?
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh...!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- So, did ye...defrock her?- Sorry?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Sister Mary. Did you get your winkle up her wimple?
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Do you really fancy that new Padre?
0:14:06 > 0:14:08You can't fancy the Padre.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11She's...the Padre. Oh, it'd be like shagging God.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- She's a good-looking woman.- A MILF?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16A NILF! A nun he'd like to fuck.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- She's not a nun, she's a vicar. - A VILF.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22Hang on. She's called Sister Mary, but she's not a nun?
0:14:22 > 0:14:24You're the ones calling her Sister,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26and she is C of E so everything is negotiable.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28HE HOOTS
0:14:28 > 0:14:32- Cat flap and back door?- You, Mac, will be struck down.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Aye. But I'll die wi' a smile on my face.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37So, listen, guys, this morning was tough,
0:14:37 > 0:14:40but what happened wasn't your fault, OK, and... Oh, hi, Mary.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Have you heard anything about this funeral?
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Funeral?
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Apparently, Colonel Carter expressed a wish to be buried in action.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48- Er...he wanted what? - Is that a real thing?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Right! Let's get to it! BIA.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53- BIA? - Mm. Buried In Action.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55So, we'll need a grave dug. Mac, Rocket.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56- TOGETHER:- Oh, for fuck's sake!
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Simon. There's no such thing as being buried in action.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Well, there might have to be,
0:15:00 > 0:15:01because this came direct from the CIA.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Look, we're not going to... CIA.com.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Yep, we are pretty much doing this. - Get digging! Now.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09- Please, no, Skip.- Guys.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13We're off. Suspected IED in Red 32. Transport in 20 minutes.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Er...we could take Carter wi' us, save us the work.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19If we do a controlled explosion... Pupp! Pop him in that.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Pkow!
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Jesus, Mac.- What?
0:15:24 > 0:15:26It's what he would have wanted.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Robot's in working order again, boss.- Is he?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- It, boss. It is.- OK.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Well, send him down.
0:15:47 > 0:15:52Bird, did you pick up anything from the new Padre?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- Er...mixed signals, boss.- Really?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58I mean, she does know how fucking brave I am, right?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I mean, I am the bomb guy.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Risking life and limb.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Saving orphans. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- What does your women's intuition say? - Get the big guns out.
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Understood.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Good work, Bird.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- Arthur! - OTHERS SNORT
0:16:17 > 0:16:18OK, he's not called Arthur.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Well, er...he is now. Come on, Arthur.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Come on, Arthur, climb the ditch.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Come on, Arthur. You can do it, Arthur.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Oh. Well, would you look at that? Arthur just became Martha.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Ha-ha(!) - OK, boss, it's your turn.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- Let's get you into the suit. - Ah, Millsy, no, please.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39It's 50 degrees in the shade. Don't make me put it on.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41It's actually two degrees cooler
0:16:41 > 0:16:43than it was yesterday, boss. Come on.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47So, what's your laptop called, then, Bird?
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- It's called a Toshiba A30X. - Or Douglas to its friends.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- What, so you've never named anything?- Naw!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- I named my cock.- Oh, yeah.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56How is Andy McNab?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Why would you name your cock Andy McNab?
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Cos he's seen so much active service.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I thought it was cos it was so hard to find.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08I thought it was cos it always comes out with bollocks.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Oh, very good, very good indeed.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Shall I fetch the robot, boss?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Nah.- You mean Arthur?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16If you call him Arthur one more time, you might find
0:17:16 > 0:17:18that Andy McNab has been cut off behind enemy lines.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22That's when Andy's at his strongest. He'll live off nuts and berries.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24That doesn't make any fucking sense.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32Let's do this.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Boss? Boss, what is it? What have you got?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45Oh, you're gonna like this one, Millsy.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- What is it? - It's a Walkman, Millsy.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54You made me put on this baking hot suit for a bloody Walkman under a bloody rock.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57# Slam it to the left If you're having a good time
0:17:57 > 0:18:00# Shake it to the right If you know that you feel fine... #
0:18:00 > 0:18:01Hey, it still works.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05# Slam it to the left If you're having a good time
0:18:05 > 0:18:06# Shake it to the right... #
0:18:08 > 0:18:10MUSIC STOPS
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I don't think it does.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Boss? Boss, I've got a couple of questions about the report.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Simon keeps saying that there was absolutely...
0:18:27 > 0:18:30And march.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36- Knock, knock?- Come in.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37Hi. Sorry I'm late.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40I know we said six, but, er...we had a call-out.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Red 32 can be pretty hairy.
0:18:43 > 0:18:45I heard you found a Walkman.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Yes.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49But you fill one of those bad boys with the right stuff,
0:18:49 > 0:18:50it could take your arm off.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53I was so excited when I got my first Walkman. I was eight.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- Were you?- Yeah, it was pink. I put stickers on it.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57- Did you?- Ah, innocent times.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Mm. Can I give you a finger?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- What?- Of Scotch.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Confiscated from a reporter.- Oh.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10- So, are you allowed "the booze"? - Are you?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12- No.- Well, me neither.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14Apart from communion. You have to have wine for communion.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18Yes, you do. I pretty much have to have wine for communion.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21- KNOCK AT DOOR - Boss. Padre.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Sorry to interrupt.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24It's just, um...when you sent me away before,
0:19:24 > 0:19:25was that one of your jokes?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Because I've got a question about the report.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28In fact, even if it wasn't,
0:19:28 > 0:19:30I've still got a question about the report.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Actually, I've got two questions and a subsidiary question and...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34- Ooh, Scotch.- No, it isn't.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Just sort it out with Simon.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38The Padre and I were just talking about communion.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Oh, right. Do you use Scotch for communion?
0:19:41 > 0:19:42You have to in Scotland.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Really? Church is very popular there.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47- Yes, and they deep-fry the wafers.- Oh.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48Now, off you fuck.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Oh.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56So, where were we?
0:19:56 > 0:19:57- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59So, look at you, breaking all the rules.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Contrary to popular belief,
0:20:01 > 0:20:03I'm not a nun and I wasn't always a Christian.
0:20:03 > 0:20:06- Really?- Yeah. I've done some...
0:20:06 > 0:20:09you know...shit.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12But we're not here to talk about me.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Well, we could be.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16So, how are you, Nick?
0:20:18 > 0:20:19Well, maybe I'm becoming too battle-hardened.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22When Colonel Carter died,
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I just felt nothing.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Some mild irritation at the paperwork.
0:20:28 > 0:20:32That wasn't even that bad in the end. Got Millsy to do it.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35I just worry that, um...
0:20:38 > 0:20:39I worry that I'm becoming cold.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42In need of warmth.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Yes?
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Well, er...
0:20:50 > 0:20:52it's the solitude.
0:20:52 > 0:20:56You know, you, er...you walk to the device alone. You work alone.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01One mistake, and you die alone.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05I remember my first bomb after I lost my best mate.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Steve.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Good ATO.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13It was just outside al Hartha.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17We had a report of multiple devices on the main road into Basra city.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21- It was just coming up to 1100 hours...- Can I just stop you there?
0:21:23 > 0:21:26I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I think it's only fair to say,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30however this story ends, I'm not going to sleep with you.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Well, this has been great. Thanks for listening. I feel better already.
0:21:34 > 0:21:35- Bye now.- Bye.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Mm.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Whoa! Whoa!
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- Yeah, yeah.- What, what, what?
0:21:45 > 0:21:48I said six foot deep, not six foot wide!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- Come on!- Bird, a word.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51Boss?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- You're a woman.- Boss.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57What's Mary's problem?
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I mean, usually by now it'd be game over. I save lives.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02The only thing sexier than a man with a gun who shoots people
0:22:02 > 0:22:03is a man with a gun who doesn't shoot people.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I've got a gun. I haven't shot anyone.
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Well, hardly anyone. I mean, seriously?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11OK, what did she say?
0:22:11 > 0:22:13She said, "I'm not going to sleep with you."
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- That's not very Christian. - Thank you!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17I mean, come on!
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- Did you do the al Hartha story?- Yes. Nothing.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22Maybe she's got quite a strong bullshit detector.
0:22:22 > 0:22:23That is a true story.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Yeah. But it didn't happen to you, did it?
0:22:25 > 0:22:26- Happened to Captain Ryerson. - Yeah, we swapped.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29He uses my Belfast story, cos it works better with his accent.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Look, there's nothing else for it.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32You're gonna have to let her see you in action.
0:22:35 > 0:22:39What on earth do you think you're doing, digging a bloody great hole in my base?
0:22:39 > 0:22:40It's for Colonel Carter, sir.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Given the tragic nature of his death,
0:22:42 > 0:22:43we wanted to give him a good send-off.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46There is nothing that we could have done to prevent...
0:22:46 > 0:22:49What's the first rule? Don't dig up the base!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- Padre said... - Don't dig it up.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Stop showing initiative, Lansley. Just do your job.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Sir.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Anyway, he apparently wanted to be buried in Fallujah.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59- Demented. And Nick?- Sir?
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Hurry up with that report.- Sir.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05- Millsy?- Boss?- Hurry up with that report.- Yes, boss.
0:23:10 > 0:23:15So, Padre, today I pit my brain against the bomb-maker's brain.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Mano-a-mano.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Er...boss? I fixed Arthur.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21We could send him down. Robot-a-mano.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I think it's going to need the human touch.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Yeah, I just have a feeling about this one, boss.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30A feeling, Bird? Oh, goody! So, we're relying on women's intuition?
0:23:30 > 0:23:33I wouldn't knock "women's intuition", boss.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39OK, send him down.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Be quick.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46OK, ready, boss.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50More to the general direction of the mountain?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53If you would.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Oh, it's quite exciting, isn't it?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Yes. Quite.
0:24:01 > 0:24:05Boss, I don't want to say anything, but I should be driving the robot.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Don't say anything, then.
0:24:08 > 0:24:13Of course, the, er...the robot rarely finds what you're looking for.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Ultimately, it's just...
0:24:16 > 0:24:18one man alone,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21not knowing what each step will bring, trying to...
0:24:25 > 0:24:26No!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Ow! That is really fucking hot.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38This dust is really...
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- Get down!- Oh!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Gosh.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Sorry.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Oh!
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Sorry. It's just, er...well, you did say you'd drop everything.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Oh, ha-ha! That's very good.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Look, um...I just wanted to see whether you were all right.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09So, you waited till I was just out of the shower?
0:25:11 > 0:25:12What?
0:25:12 > 0:25:14I had no idea that you were just...
0:25:14 > 0:25:17you were just out of the shower.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Explosions can affect people in weird ways.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21I just wanted to see if you were OK.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Yeah. Sorry.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Yeah, I am... I'm a little bit on edge.
0:25:26 > 0:25:29- MILLSY ON RADIO: - 'She's just got out of the shower. Go in now, sir. Over.'
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Er...
0:25:31 > 0:25:33They'll say anything, that lot.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- Bye now.- Wait. Look, I'm sorry. OK, I'm sorry.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37Look, it's just...
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Look, I'm a soldier.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43OK? I don't know how to approach someone like you, someone who's...
0:25:44 > 0:25:46..someone who's good.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Look, you were there today.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53That could have been me. I just...
0:25:54 > 0:25:57I...I go through that every day.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58And, er...
0:26:00 > 0:26:02..I just don't know how much time I have left.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Look.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I know you're under unimaginable stress.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11But aren't you a bit better than...this?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14- Am I?- Aren't you?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21- Well, am I?- Well, are you?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27BUGLE PLAYS LAST POST
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Er...the funeral was cancelled, right?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33- I thought so.- I'd better throw some clothes on.
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Great.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- So, um...off you fuck.- What?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Oh! Oh.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42PLANE ROARS
0:26:42 > 0:26:44BUGLE PLAYS
0:26:44 > 0:26:45Is it back on?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48What? Oh.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Very good.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- What's going on?- Let her through, let her through.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Oh, very funny.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59We are gathered here today to remember Arthur the robot.
0:26:59 > 0:27:04I now call upon Arthur's best friend, Corporal Lynda Bird.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Who likes a bit of mechanical assistance.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Ha-ha(!)- What's going on?
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Oh, for heaven's sake, get it filled in.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13Well, ashes to ashes.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Rust to rust.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19BUGLE PLAYS
0:27:19 > 0:27:20- What's going on here? - Just filling in the grave, sir.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Good. Good. And thanks for the report. Very clear.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- Thank you, sir.- Looks like there was nothing you could have done.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27That's right, sir. Absolutely nothing.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Short of wrestling him to the ground.
0:27:28 > 0:27:29But that would be the act of a total lunatic.
0:27:29 > 0:27:32- It would, sir. - A total lunatic, sir.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Oh, and that robot you lost this morning.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36REME want to take a look at him.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39Don't know where he is, but, er... dig him out, would you?
0:27:39 > 0:27:40Sir.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44- Mac? Rocket? Get to it. - TOGETHER:- Ah, fuck!
0:27:45 > 0:27:48Bird, I'm so sorry for your loss. Arthur was...
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- Piss off, Nick.- Boss, we're up!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53- Suspected IED in Yellow 21. - OK, Bluestone 42.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Off we fuck!
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Subtitles by Red Bee Media