0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains very strong language
0:00:12 > 0:00:14PLANES ROAR
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Sir.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Sergeant Robert Hogg from the search team, boss.
0:00:20 > 0:00:21Bob Hogg.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Nick Medhurst. So, you've already met Millsy.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26This is Bird. There's Simon, Rocket and Mac.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28No offence, Sergeant, but where's Corporal Spooner?
0:00:28 > 0:00:31R&R. As are all the Desert Spoons.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32- Desert Spoons! - BOTH CHUCKLE
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Because "desert spoons" sounds like "dessert spoons".
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- Yeah.- Classic.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40HOGG SIGHS
0:00:40 > 0:00:43So, we're the Road Hoggs, cos I'm called Hogg and we clear the road. Heh.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46At least, I hope we do. Heh.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48On the road we've got Bogbrush and the Tosser,
0:00:48 > 0:00:54and at the front, we have Fortunate Darren, and our point man, Sandbag.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56- Why's he called Fortunate Darren? - Cos he's not the point man!
0:00:56 > 0:00:59POLITE CHUCKLING
0:00:59 > 0:01:03Right. All done. Good work, Road Hoggs!
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Over to you.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Why don't we have a team name?
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Hm?- I think the main reason is because...
0:01:12 > 0:01:14we're not ten years old.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16- SOLDIER IN DISTANCE: Oh, yeah! - The Bomb Guys.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Oh-oh! Oh!- Bird's Bomb Guys.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20No?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Aah!- Bird's Bell-ends?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Do you want the suit, boss? I would if I were you.
0:01:24 > 0:01:27Nah. It's too hot.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Sh... Shit.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33Er...guys? Guys! Guys!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35Hogg! Hogg! Oi, Hogg! You're the leader of the search team.
0:01:35 > 0:01:39- Come here. Help me look for my Fisherman's Friend. It's my last one.- Sandbag!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40Set Vallon to detect menthol!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44Your lucky sweets, are they?
0:01:44 > 0:01:47You ATOs always have some superstitious ritual.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49I'm not superstitious. They just help me focus.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52- Oh, boss! Boss! I've got it. - Thank you, Millsy.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Tell you what. The ATO in Bluestone 31
0:01:55 > 0:01:58always has to touch his number two's arse before he does the long walk.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00What?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Nah. Think I'll stick to the sweets.
0:02:37 > 0:02:38HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:02:38 > 0:02:40MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO
0:02:40 > 0:02:41God, my balls are hot.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45I've got serious hot balls.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49There's so much sweat, you could catch it in a bucket.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- It's the blast pants.- Aye.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I mean, whit's the point in protecting your balls against IEDs
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- if they're just gonnae melt anyways?- Mac.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01If you don't shut up about your balls...
0:03:02 > 0:03:05..I'm going to come over there and pull them off myself.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Pull off my balls? Gay.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Eyes on!
0:03:14 > 0:03:15FIZZING
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Oh, shit.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Oh, really shit. Millsy!
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Angry bomb!
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Everyone, eyes down! Take cover!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Boss!
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- Millsy, prepare to fire the disruptor!- OK, everybody!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Stand by!- Fire it!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Firing! Boss.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46NICK PANTS
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Caught fire.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- You OK, boss?- Yeah.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Oh, God. Ooh!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Whew. Battery pack. Whoof!
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- That- was a close call.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Oh! I thought this might happen.
0:04:06 > 0:04:07Sorry?
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- LOW CHATTER - Boss?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Just going to keep that as a lovely surprise?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15No, I...I didn't mean that...
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Well, I've noticed a couple of trends in the devices in the last month.
0:04:18 > 0:04:22Oh, and what is the fashionable terrorist planting this season,
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- according to Millsy?- Look, I know you've been keeping your own records,
0:04:24 > 0:04:27but I've been keeping some too, and I've spotted a pattern.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Oh, and were you planning to share this with me at any point?
0:04:30 > 0:04:32Yeah, sure, I can show you everything when we get back.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Good. No, wait. Is this going to involve graphs?
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Well, I mean, there are a few ways to project the...
0:04:38 > 0:04:41I...I could focus solely on the... I...I could minimise the...
0:04:41 > 0:04:44- OK, no graphs.- Good.
0:04:51 > 0:04:54What about Bird's Brave Bastards?
0:04:54 > 0:04:55Fuck off. - Shit!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Bird, we already have a name.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59- Bluestone 42, our call sign.- Yeah.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00But, Bluestone, what even is that?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Actually, the pillars of Stonehenge are made from bluestone,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- although "bluestone" means just any foreign stone...- Oh, yeah.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Thank you, Wankipedia.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- LAUGHTER - How about something like...
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Team Intrepid?
0:05:12 > 0:05:15- Fuck's sake.- Intrepid? Yeah, Simon, let's have a name
0:05:15 > 0:05:18that makes us sound like we're off Junior Apprentice.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Bird's Bitches!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22No!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24PLANES ROAR
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Here, who's up for a game of Extreme Hockey Ultimate Extreme?
0:05:32 > 0:05:35- Gleaming! I'll get the crowbars!- Please, no.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- Dry Water-Skiing?- Cook-House Splatterbang?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- No!- Aw, Skip.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41- You're as much fun as a turd on a plate.- Mm.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Eh, how about a game of Freckles? - Ooh!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47There is a time and a place for games, and it is not now.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49Gay.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- You never play our games, Skip. - Millsy wants to show us something.
0:05:52 > 0:05:55If he's invented a ball-cooling device, I'm in.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO - So, I've been keeping a log.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Put it in a bag and burn it, like everybody else.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Simmer down. Millsy?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05So, I've been keeping a record of all the devices we've encountered
0:06:05 > 0:06:07and I've broken them down into two types.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- I said no graphs. - It's a scatter diagram, boss.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17So, the blue crosses are bog-standard devices that are easy to render safe.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Easy? Interesting. Do go on.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21And, um...
0:06:21 > 0:06:23Well, the red crosses are what I like to call...
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- HE CLEARS HIS THROAT - ..a TDM.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Tedium? That's a good name.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- It stands for "training didn't matter".- I beg your fucking pardon?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Well, I mean the fact that the device didn't fully detonate
0:06:31 > 0:06:37was down to, er...chance, rather than our intervention or our training.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Boss. Like the one this morning.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42The one this morning was bog standard, Millsy.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44The only reason it caught fire
0:06:44 > 0:06:47was because the Taliban paid the village idiot to put it in the ground.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49But, look, TDMs come in batches and we're due another batch very soon.
0:06:49 > 0:06:54No. No, we're not, Millsy. This is all speculation. You know what? It's bollocks.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55What do we do if we find something unusual?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58We follow training and procedure.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00So, if we do find one of your tedious devices, what do we do, Millsy?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- We follow training and procedure, boss.- Brilliant. Thanks for that, Millsy.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Insightful as ever. Good meeting, everyone.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Bloody hell, what happened?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Can't find my sodding Fisherman's Friends. I had a spare bag somewhere.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Shit.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25As you say...
0:07:25 > 0:07:27shit.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Nick, have I done something wrong with Rocket and Mac?
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I don't know, Simon, have you? Have you been touching them while they sleep?
0:07:34 > 0:07:35Why don't they respect me?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Ah, it's hard to know what to choose. Let's pick one.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Mm, maybe because, I don't know, you don't join in their games?
0:07:41 > 0:07:44Their games are stupid, dangerous and often quite unhygienic.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Which is why they're fun.- So, if I join in, they'll respect me?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves, Simon. But it is a start.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Hi, Nick. Simon.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Rocket and Mac wanted to know if anyone had five litres of bleach.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Some game called, um...Camo Whiteout.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Right, I'd better, um...
0:08:02 > 0:08:04So, what are you doing?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06This place looks like a bomb's hit...
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Er...I mean... Er...sorry.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13So, um, how are the team?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- Anything I can do for you?- Well...
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Apart from that.- Oh. You know, I'm always happy to come out on ops.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Some of your guys might appreciate a bit of, um...spiritual top cover.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Well, you could do that from here, couldn't you?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Or does your praying have a maximum range?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Very funny. So, what are you looking for?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I can't find my bloody Fisherman's Friends.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- I've got Mint Imperials. - HE GASPS
0:08:32 > 0:08:36- I had no idea.- Get off. What are you doing?
0:08:36 > 0:08:41- You have the face and body of a much younger woman, and yet, actually, you're 96.- What?
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Mint Imperials are granny sweets.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Why, Grandma, what young, fresh skin you have!
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Good chat, Nick.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51OK.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55THEY LAUGH
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- Ah, fuck!- Ha-ha-ha! Yes!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- THEY LAUGH - Guys! Guys!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Shite, Skip, we're only playing
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- a wee game.- Well,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08as long as there's no bleach involved, I'm in.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Really?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11- Yeah.- Gleaming.
0:09:14 > 0:09:19- On your marks, get set... - Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on! What are the rules?
0:09:19 > 0:09:23Total Fencing Deluxe? Well, if I remember rightly, Mac, it's ten points for the head,
0:09:23 > 0:09:28five points for the body, both hands on the pole, first to 30, no kicking, no biting, and no peeking.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Oh. Right, sir.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Well, how do you play it?
0:09:33 > 0:09:34- Carry on!- Oh!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- Play! - WHOOPING AND LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Yeah!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- Ten points to Skip! - Come on! Come on!
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Play!
0:09:47 > 0:09:51- Ten points to Skip.- Come on!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53And play!
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Five points to Mac!- Yaah!
0:10:02 > 0:10:03Fuck!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05- The winner is Skip!- Yes!
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Yes!
0:10:07 > 0:10:10HE SHOUTS
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Who's the daddy? Huh?
0:10:13 > 0:10:15First game and I totally kick your arse!
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- Aye, all right, Skip. Easy. - Right, we're off.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I just kicked Mac's arse at Total Fencing Deluxe.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Which he invented.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Nice one.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Get this... Let's get this packed up.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33- Oh! You fuck! - THEY LAUGH
0:10:33 > 0:10:36OK, and you're absolutely sure they're not in your quarters?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Yeah, I looked, I looked.- OK. Well, could they be in the det?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- I've checked everywhere, Millsy. - You ready?- No. Wait.
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- Where's my last bag of Fisherman's Friends? Have you hidden them again? - No.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48No, no. Wasn't that the bag you lost at poker?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- Oh, shit sticks.- I just assumed you replaced them.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- Boss, we really should be... - Yes, I know, Millsy!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54OK, OK, er, run and tell Mary that she can come with us.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Go on, chop-chop.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Bit of spiritual top cover, eh?
0:10:58 > 0:11:00What? No.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Look, she asked to come, so I'm letting her, OK?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05You're not worried about all that crap Millsy was spouting earlier, are you?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- PLANE ROARS - Boss?
0:11:07 > 0:11:10No. No, I'm fine. Right as rain.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13The really right kind of rain. The...right rain. Right? All right?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- All right?- All right, boss?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- Right, come on, Bird's Boneheads.- Mm!
0:11:18 > 0:11:19It's got a ring tae it.
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- Aye. So does my arse. - SNORTS
0:11:30 > 0:11:32All done, just one device.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35Although there is a big pile of goat shit down there on the left.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- We should check again. - No, it's definitely goat shit.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Confirmed that with the Mark 1 eyeball. Ha-ha!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43You heard him, Hogg. Check again. Millsy, get the robot ready.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- When these guys are finished, we'll double-check with that.- Boss.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Aye-aye! Feeling jumpy?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50Let me guess, run out of Fisherman's Friends?
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Why are you still here, talking?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Well, we have double-checked for...
0:11:55 > 0:11:58You search until the ATO's satisfied. Do I look satisfied to you?
0:11:58 > 0:12:03No, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Let me make this easier for you. OK? I'm the ATO.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04See? ATO.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07This face? Not satisfied!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Sir. Fortunate Darren! Sandbag! Here we go round the mulberry bush.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And will you leave it out with the fucking jokes when there's IEDs around?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Someone might get killed. You know, you, in fact, might get killed by me!
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Fuck's sake!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20You know, I am sick of your stupid grinning face
0:12:20 > 0:12:22every time I get ready to go down there!
0:12:22 > 0:12:27Just do your fucking job, you absolute waste of uniform and training!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29HELICOPTER WHIRRS Sir.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- Battery's low, boss.- I want to be certain what we're dealing with.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58And we lose the A&A cordon in an hour, so...
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I should just check the...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04thing.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- Are you praying?- Is that all right?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15As long as you get Baby Jesus to make my mum send me some chocolates.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17I'm not sure it works like that.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I'm not sure it works at all.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27ROBOT WHIRRS AND STOPS
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Shit. Battery's gone.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Fuck it. Right.
0:13:33 > 0:13:34I'd better get down there.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39- Got those Mint Imperials? - Yeah, sure.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Although they're not as strong as Fisherman's Friends.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Unless you eat 20 of them.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Ooh! - MUFFLED SPEECH:- Soot, Millsy!
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Shoot? Er, shoot...shoot what, boss?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- MUFFLED SPEECH:- Soot, Millsy! Soot.- Oh.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Suit. Suit.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59BIRDSONG
0:13:59 > 0:14:00HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:14:03 > 0:14:07When I'm tense, I just imagine giving my mum a wee cuddle.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10Aye. When I'm tense, I imagine giving your mum a wee cuddle.
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Away tae fuck!
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- ON RADIO:- Guess what, Millsy? Straightforward VOIED.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17No secondaries.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Bog standard.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22So boggy, you could stride across it, admiring the heather,
0:14:22 > 0:14:26whilst a team of jolly Irish labourers cut peat from a...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Yeah, I'm getting bored of this metaphor.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Would you like me to fire the disruptor, boss?
0:14:32 > 0:14:35No, Millsy, cos I did it with my snips.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38And without...my Fisherman's Friends.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39I snipped the shit out of it.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43That device will no longer be fathering other smaller devices,
0:14:43 > 0:14:46because of my really expert snipping.
0:14:46 > 0:14:47So much for your doom-laden horse shit.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49I didn't say it would definitely be today, OK?
0:14:49 > 0:14:53So, I might die tomorrow? Thank you very much, Millsy.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56No, look, that's not what I meant, boss. I...
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Boss?
0:15:00 > 0:15:01Um...
0:15:01 > 0:15:04how many Mint Imperials did you have?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I just need to know so I can pack them for next time.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:15:08 > 0:15:10LOW CHATTER OVER RADIO
0:15:14 > 0:15:15VEHICLES RUMBLE
0:15:15 > 0:15:18If we had a lucky mascot, we could be named after that!
0:15:18 > 0:15:22- We've got one! Andy McNab! - No! No, no, no!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Andy McNab is the name of Mac's cock!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Why? Because it's been out of action for years?
0:15:26 > 0:15:29LAUGHTER
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Fucking hell, Padre! Serious! Not cool! That's way out of order!
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- Maybe we could be called... - No!
0:15:35 > 0:15:38That's it! No more nicknames! We're called Bluestone 42!
0:15:38 > 0:15:43Or how about, "a bunch of noisy cunts who won't fucking shut up"?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- VEHICLE RUMBLES AND SQUEAKS - No?
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Good.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00We've really got to get hold of some Fishermen's Friends.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02He's done one device without. He'll be fine.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05No, no, no, no. He's in a period of high stress, when he really shouldn't be.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07What, you keep graphs on his mood swings as well?
0:16:07 > 0:16:11- You are kidding me? - Right now he's up here,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14very stressed, when he should be here, relaxed.
0:16:14 > 0:16:15You're insane.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18- Or very sane.- No.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Now, I think we can track down the bag he lost at poker.
0:16:23 > 0:16:24Oh, give me strength.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27- Nick lost the whole bag to Captain Softly. Captain Softly then lost...- I tell you what.
0:16:27 > 0:16:32You cream yourself over your graph. I'll just get on the phone and ask for some.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36It's a flow chart, actually.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45- Knock, knock?- Hi.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Yeah, a...a special "tidying up" bomb hit it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Right. Um... CO's just flown back in.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56He wants a chat.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58OK.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Nick.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- Is everything all right? - Yeah, I think so. Why?
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Cos since you ran out of your special sweets, you've been acting like a massive bell-end.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Might want to work on your bedside manner there, Padre.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Right, it's totally understandable that you're a little bit superstitious.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12I'm not superstitious, OK?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- We had intelligence suggesting that the next bomb could...- Put that down.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- This is knackered. You should bin it.- No, no.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17No, no, no, no, no.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:17:26 > 0:17:28This is the tin that I had when I did my first bomb.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Basra, 2008.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- And every bomb since. - Not that a little metal tin could affect anything.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Yeah, well, it's not like you're not superstitious, is it?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41I mean, Jesus is basically just your Fisherman's Friend.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- Huh! He was the friend of fishermen.- Oh, shit, I really walked into that one, didn't I?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Yeah, at least four of the disciples were fishermen.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50- Yes, OK, I get it. Run along now.- Good luck with the CO.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Whoo!
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Guys! Guys!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Guys! What are you doing?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- Just a wee game. - Aye. Fucking Bronco.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10One of the grease monkeys said we could borrow it for ten minutes.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14No! I mean, I can't believe you're playing without me. Room for a small one?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- It's best played wi' two.- Aye.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I could referee. HE WHISTLES
0:18:20 > 0:18:22No ref in Fucking Bronco. Obviously.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Different game, then?
0:18:25 > 0:18:28I think that ten minutes is up, Rocket.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- We should return the vehicle as agreed.- Aye.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35There's a time and a place for games, but that time is now over.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37And that place is now over.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39VEHICLE REVS
0:18:48 > 0:18:50- Why won't they let me join in?- I don't know, Simon.
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Is it because you repeatedly hit one of your men round the head
0:18:53 > 0:18:56with a big metal stick yesterday, or for some other reason?
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Look, if you beat them at their own game, you're gonna look like an arsehole.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- So, I have to lose?- Sure, if you want to look like a pussy.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Look, just play for a bit, then say you've got something important to do, and leave.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Join in, step out. J-I-S-O. Jiso.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Join in, step out. - Actually, Jiso would be quite a good nickname for you, Simon.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- I'll stick with Simon. - Sure thing, Jiso.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19LOW CHATTER
0:19:19 > 0:19:21KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Come. Ah, Captain Medhurst.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Sir, if this is about yesterday, I know I overstepped...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Ah, yes. The "Hogg roast".
0:19:29 > 0:19:32I presume you're going to apologise, fulsomely?
0:19:32 > 0:19:33- First opportunity, sir.- Good-oh.
0:19:33 > 0:19:38Worth remembering that his team's job is probably even more dangerous than yours.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Have I ever introduced you to Little Philip?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50My niece gave it to me when I passed out of Sandhurst.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54I suppose she thought I was in the Guards. Precocious child, but well-meaning.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58Now works for...Honda.
0:19:58 > 0:20:03The point is, this little chap has seen me through a couple of scrapes in Bosnia,
0:20:03 > 0:20:04Sierra Leone...
0:20:04 > 0:20:07and a moment of questionable legality in Cyprus.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Mm. Never told my unit about him, of course.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Didn't want to shit them up in case I lost him.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Just thought you'd be interested.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- Carry on.- Sir.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Ah, Faruq. Just the man. Look.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- Can you get hold of some Fisherman's Friends?- You want Fisherman's Friends!- Shh-shh-shh.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I get you Fisherman's Friends, very good price.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39OK, if you can get them before the next call-out, I'll give you 20 dollars.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42For 20 dollars, you get lots of Fisherman's Friends. Bye-bye!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44HELICOPTER WHIRRS
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Of course they don't have an order number. They're sweets.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Oh, forget it.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01So, er...going to give up on those sweets.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Don't need 'em no more.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Got your, er, lucky pants on?
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- All my pants are lucky. - Except with Mary.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11Yeah, cheers for pointing that out, Bird. You're a brick.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14- Oh! Bird's Bricks? No, it's shit.- Not again.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Bird, what is it with this team name obsession?
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Look, I was never in the cool gang at school.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20My dad was the physics teacher, for a start.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- But if we had a name...- Bird.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25We are the cool gang. We're a counter-IED team.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28When you get back to England, you're going to be so cool, you're gonna be bored of it.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30That's going to make you even cooler.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Cheers, Nick.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36Ah. Look, guys, about yesterday. I really want to apologise.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37Bender. HE SNORTS
0:21:37 > 0:21:41Bender? That's good. Er...I got carried away. So, rematch?
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- Something different?- Aye, we'll think of something.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Jiso. HE SNORTS
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Ah, morning, all.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52How are things with Team Diversity?
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Er...Team what, now, sir?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Team Diversity. No?
0:21:56 > 0:22:00Public school boy. Essex boy. A black guy. A woman. A Scot. A closet homosexual.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02HE LAUGHS
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Oh, Mac, ya buftie!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07My God, you're right.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09I've been living a lie!
0:22:09 > 0:22:11Come on, baby! I'll give you a rocket!
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Piss off!
0:22:14 > 0:22:16HE PUFFS In denial.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18Very sad.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO Sorry, sir.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22- Sir, with respect, um... - PHONE RINGS
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Team Diversity? I'm... I'm not just a token bird.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Course not. Just remarking on the changing face of the modern Army.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Carry on.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Guys, we're up. Transport's on its way.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34OK, er... OK. Just, er, give me...give me two minutes.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Team Diversity? This is like Year Eight all over again.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43Captain Nick! I have Fisherman's Friends!
0:22:43 > 0:22:46Oh, thank fuck for that! How did you get them so...?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48- Oh.- The friends of fisherman, yes?
0:22:48 > 0:22:50To help catch the fish.
0:22:50 > 0:22:52- We agreed 30 dollars.- No, Faruq.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Fisherman's Friends are a brand of sweet.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57These are sweet, juicy. Er...special price, 20 dollars.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59No. Look, Faruq, just take these back, OK?
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Fisherman's Friends are...are small, brown, menthol sweets. Strong.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Menthol, brown, strong.
0:23:05 > 0:23:09OK. I make some calls. Yeah, well, you've got about a minute before we have to go, so...
0:23:09 > 0:23:10What's going on?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Well, we've got a shout on. You're going to come with us.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16ENGINE STARTS UP
0:23:18 > 0:23:22I'm just concerned I'll have to come out every time now.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24But who's going to be sat at the base reading the Bible?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27BAG RUSTLES
0:23:27 > 0:23:29LOW CHATTER
0:23:34 > 0:23:35OK.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Road Hoggs about to hand over to Team Diversity.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42- Yeah, we're not called that, knob-face.- Sandbag! We done?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47That's two of your Earth minutes. Heh.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Boss, I tracked down your Fisherman's Friends.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55Now, apparently, Lieutenant Freeman has them, but he's in Bastion now, so...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Millsy, thanks for going to all that trouble, but it's OK.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59I've gone cold turkey.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Oh. OK.- Yeah. I don't need any stupid...- Captain Nick!
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- The Fisherman's Friends you asked for!- I mean...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- I don't necessarily want... - Oh, for fuck's sake, boss. - Please, Nick, just have one.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11We don't care.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Faruq, these appear to be sun-dried rabbit droppings...
0:24:17 > 0:24:18OK, ten dollars.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20..soaked in... HE SNIFFS
0:24:20 > 0:24:22..some kind of cough mixture.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24For you, five dollars! Go on.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31BAG RUSTLES
0:24:31 > 0:24:34I am actually considering eating one of these. What the fuck?
0:24:34 > 0:24:36OK, right.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Good. Not playing this game any more.
0:24:39 > 0:24:43No more TDMs, no more spiritual top cover, granny sweets,
0:24:43 > 0:24:47no more lucky tins, Fisherman's Friends, and definitely no more rabbit shit.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50We're done.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52- Let's do this.- Right.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- Do you want the suit, boss? - Nah, too hot. I'll be fine.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58After all, it's just drills and skills.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03SCREAMING
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Shit! Charlie, Charlie 1, this is Bluestone 42!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Contact IED. Wait out.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Bird! Cat B!- Hello, Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Contact IED. Partial detonation.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15One cas, Cat B, ref Blue 1. Sitrep to follow.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Diamond 21, acknowledge.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21ENGINE STARTS
0:25:24 > 0:25:27So, it was just the detonator that functioned. Not the main charge.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- But why didn't the whole thing go up?- You see,
0:25:29 > 0:25:31some of the devices are what I call a TDM,
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- which stands for... - It didn't go up because...
0:25:34 > 0:25:35because he's Fortunate Darren.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39If he wasn't fortunate, he'd be pink mist right now.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Good job he was wearing his blast pants.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Aye.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Has anybody else got really hot balls?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49- How is he?- Yeah, he's fine.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Well, he's lost three toes on his left foot, but...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- They should call him Toto. - They already have.
0:25:54 > 0:25:55Was Toto that dog in The Wizard Of Oz?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58- Yeah.- Why's he named after a dog?
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Because...
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Doesn't matter.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16ENGINE STOPS Oh, bollocks.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18- Jesus Christ!- Who did that?
0:26:18 > 0:26:19Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha(!)
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Classic.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Don't know what you're laughing at. Road Hoggs is a shite name anyway.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Yeah, and as one of your guys is now called Toto,
0:26:26 > 0:26:28I hereby christen you The Friends Of Dorothy.
0:26:28 > 0:26:29LAUGHTER
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- That's not going to catch on. - I'm pretty sure it will.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Look, Hogg.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36About yesterday.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40I was totally out of order. I owe you an apology.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42- So, sorry.- All forgotten.
0:26:42 > 0:26:46You ATOs all crack at some point. You ought to try doing my job.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Sorry?
0:26:47 > 0:26:51Well, we're the ones at the sharp end. Still, mustn't grumble.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53No.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- Fisherman's Friend?- Oh, thanks.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Have the whole tin.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Sorry to hear about Toto. How's morale with the other Friends Of Dorothy?
0:27:13 > 0:27:16MAN SPEAKS OVER RADIO
0:27:17 > 0:27:20- Oh, guys! So, are we playing the game?- Aye.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Aye.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26We were thinking we should try...Blind Man's...Muff.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29Mm, sounds great! I'm in!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33..98, 99,
0:27:33 > 0:27:35100.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Blind man's muff!
0:27:38 > 0:27:40OK, what now, guys?
0:27:43 > 0:27:44Guys?
0:27:45 > 0:27:47Guys? Guys?
0:27:51 > 0:27:52William.
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Mac!
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Rocket!
0:28:28 > 0:28:30Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd