0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains strong language
0:00:14 > 0:00:17- Eh, Rocket...- Hm?
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Look at that. Goat-on-goat action.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Brilliant!
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Rocket, Mac - focus!
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Leave doesn't start for...
0:00:27 > 0:00:2843 hours.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30Stay sharp.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31The enemy wants us to be distracted.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34Are you saying the Taliban dress up as goats and shag each other?
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- Now, that's commitment. - ROCKET SNORTS
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Enough! Eyes on.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43MAN SPEAKS IN PASHTO
0:00:43 > 0:00:46TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO
0:00:53 > 0:00:55What's he saying about his goats, Faruq?
0:00:55 > 0:00:56He does not want to...
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Hang on... You speak Pashto?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO - Er, since when?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Check it out, everyone - Millsy is learning my language!
0:01:05 > 0:01:07- Nice one, Millsy. - Yeah, well...
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I was thinking of learning Pashto too, as it goes.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11HE CHUCKLES
0:01:11 > 0:01:14A woman cannot learn two languages. It is impossible.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15I beg your pardon?
0:01:15 > 0:01:17And FYI, I already speak French.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19SHE SPEAKS IN FRENCH
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Is she making that up?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Very nice, Millsy.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Bumlick.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59JET SCREAMS OVERHEAD
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Bet they goats give you a few ideas for your wedding night, eh, Skip?
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- BOTH:- Baaaa!- No.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09A few ideas for the stag do?
0:02:09 > 0:02:10- BOTH:- Baaa! Baa!
0:02:10 > 0:02:13- Well, my...- Baaa!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15My brother's promised me a wild night.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17I'm not sure that involves goats, though.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- What's he got planned, then?- All I know is that I've got to meet him
0:02:20 > 0:02:22at Southend Pier next Friday night.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Next week? But we're up in Scotland.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Like the wedding, you're not invited.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Oh, shite, Skip - what about morale?
0:02:29 > 0:02:30- This the stag do?- Aye.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- It's next week.- Southend!
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Oh, thanks a bunch, Simon.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37We haven't all got a week's leave.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- Everything all right with the device, boss?- Yeah, piece of piss.
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Obviously I'm going to tell Mary it was a nightmare.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45She's off on leave as well in a couple of days.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Got to seize the moment, find something to impress her.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Having another go while she's weak, tired, ready to go home.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53You make me sound like...
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Do you really think she's going to be weak at the moment?
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- I was joking. - So was I.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00But you do think she's weak?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03I joined the Army so I didn't have to have girly chats,
0:03:03 > 0:03:05but hey, let's plait each other's hair
0:03:05 > 0:03:07and stick on Dirty Dancing, shall we?
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Knock, knock. - Come in. Oh, you have.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28So, Nick - what can I do for you?
0:03:28 > 0:03:30In my professional capacity, that is.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Just had a tough day, you know.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Uh-huh. - A really tough device.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Two switches on the main charge,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38one was a pressure plate, the other was...
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Millsy said it was a nice easy one.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Don't listen to everything that Millsy says.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Millsy, the pathologically truthful one, I should watch out for him!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I think it's my expert assessment that...
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Apparently, you said it was "a piece of piss".
0:03:49 > 0:03:52No such thing as a straightforward IED, Mary.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55They're all different, improvised. That's what the "I" stands for.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57What does the "E" stand for? Oh, yeah - explosive.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58- Yeah.- And the "D"...
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Well, that just stands for device, doesn't matter.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Anyway, I basically totally fucking nailed it.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Good. Well done, you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Now, these won't pack themselves... I'm not Mary Poppins.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10CLICKS FINGERS: No!
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Was this toucan a present from Will? - What?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Did your ex-fiance get it for you when he was posted to Belize?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19How could you possibly know...?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21A lot of soldiers pick 'em up out there.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Along with an STD.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Well, luckily it was just the toucan.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29You split up with him years ago, yet you still have this love token...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32Love toucan! ..on your desk.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35It's not a love tok... Toucan! What...?!
0:04:35 > 0:04:38Just seems an odd way to remember someone who left you over a car.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41"Hello.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44"I left you over a car.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46"You should forget about me."
0:04:46 > 0:04:48And move on.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51It was a bit more complicated than that.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Tell me I'm wrong.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Why are you still here?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56- Tell me I'm wrong.- Bye.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Bye.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Starting without me? - Without...?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Oh, you know... You don't need to bother.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17- I've got it covered.- Wow.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Next, you'll tell me it's impossible for women to speak two languages.
0:05:21 > 0:05:22No! I mean...
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I guess it would be handy if you could listen to Taliban traffic
0:05:25 > 0:05:26- out in the field.- S'pose.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29But mainly, I want to show Faruq how much of a dick he's being.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I can speak Pashto just as well as you can.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- It's not a competition. - Correct. It isn't.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Come on, then.- OK.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Um, repeat after me.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- Ho.- Ho.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41- Yes.- Yes.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42- No...- No.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45No, no - you don't need to repeat the English bit.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47I'm just telling you what it means, understand?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Yes. Ho!
0:05:48 > 0:05:49OK...
0:05:49 > 0:05:50- Na.- Na.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- No.- No?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53- Yes, no.- What?
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Look, would you stop messing, please, Bird?
0:05:56 > 0:05:57All right.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59OK.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Um... Let's do numbers.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02- OK.- All right.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04After me...
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Yaw. One.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Yaw, one.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- Dwah, two.- Dwah, two.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Dwah.- What, three's the same as two?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14No, Bird - I'm correcting your pronunciation.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- Dwah.- That's what I said. - Do you want to learn this properly?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Ho. That means yes.
0:06:18 > 0:06:19I knew this was a mistake!
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Cos thick chick Bird can't learn the language?
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Do you know what, I'm going to my bunk. Or, as they say
0:06:24 > 0:06:26in French, je suis...
0:06:26 > 0:06:27..going to my bunk.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Je vais a ma chambre.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Oh, tu es un grand dick!
0:06:45 > 0:06:46You all right, son?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Charlotte's really pissed off about the stag night.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Cos we're no' invited?
0:06:50 > 0:06:51No surprises there.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53No, knob cheese.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56She's found out what we're planning and she is not happy.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59- She wants to cancel the stripper? - We're not having a stripper!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Oh, we... We are having a stripper.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03And she's cancelled it.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- Is that a list of rules? - Kind of.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08No strippers, no public nudity, no getting arrested...
0:07:08 > 0:07:11- That is out of order! - That's ridiculous!
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- I am allowed to play crazy golf, so...that's something.- Skip...
0:07:14 > 0:07:16I know you usually ignore my advice
0:07:16 > 0:07:19and usually, you're right to do so.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22But you need to tell her you're not putting up with this sort of thing.
0:07:22 > 0:07:23- Aye.- Guys, this is Charlotte.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25This is the woman who had 200 invites reprinted
0:07:25 > 0:07:27cos they were the wrong shade of ivory.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Aye, so you need to be firm wi' her.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33If you are, she'll find that more attractive than if you're a pussy.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- I can't just ring her up...- What's the first rule of stag nights?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- There are no rules.- Yes, sir. - Balls, Simon.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41I beg your pardon, sir?
0:07:41 > 0:07:45Balls. Keep up. Where are your balls? Are they attached,
0:07:45 > 0:07:47or has your fiancee plucked them from your perineum
0:07:47 > 0:07:49and placed them in an ice box, in Chelmsford?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- We live in Braintree.- Simon!
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Balls.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57You heard him. Balls!
0:07:59 > 0:08:01We should do you a proper stag here.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02- Um...- Aye!
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Nudity. Strippers!
0:08:03 > 0:08:05We'll get the MPs to arrest you!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07We could all dress up in the same clothes!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Genius.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13We'll take him into the village and tie him naked to a lamppost...
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Oh, Mac!
0:08:14 > 0:08:17The security concerns alone would mean that we...
0:08:17 > 0:08:19We could lock down the area with an infantry platoon first.
0:08:19 > 0:08:23Anyway, there's no beer and there's no strippers, means there's...
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Boss, get Mary to gie us some of her communion wine.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27I don't fancy my chances.
0:08:27 > 0:08:31Tell her the last Padre would leave the odd bottle lying, eh?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I'll try, but I think you'll have to ask Faruq for some beer.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35You want beer? I get you beer.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39My cousin, he makes lentil beer, shall we say 50? It is agreed.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41You know the rules.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- No alcohol in theatre. - What's the first rule?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45No rules.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Are you saying we can have alcohol, sir?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Sir!
0:08:51 > 0:08:52Sir?!
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Faruq...
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Do you know how to make really hot curry?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59Of course. Goat, chicken, cat...
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Ooh, never had cat!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Hello, love. Yeah, I know it's early, sorry.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I just wanted to get you before you went to the gym.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Sorry, it's Thursday... I forgot.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13These... These rules that you sent through...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Not acceptable, Charlotte.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Yeah. I'm not going to put up with this shit any more.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Yes, I did just say "shit".
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Yeah. Shit.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Shit, shit, shitty shit.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Shit, shit.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Charlotte?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30Hello? Hello?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33(Oh, shit.)
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Hi, Mary.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Nick Medhurst in the chapel? SHE GASPS
0:09:41 > 0:09:43- What do you want? - I've come to confess my sins.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45I'm not sure I have that long.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Seriously, I want to apologise for winding you up earlier. It was...
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- uncalled for.- It's fine. I know you're tired.- Thanks.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Anyway, I don't know how much you knew about your predecessor,
0:09:54 > 0:09:56but he was very big on morale.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58I'm not giving you communion wine.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Well, it's not for me, it's for Simon's stag do.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Thing is, Nick, that wine is for, um...
0:10:03 > 0:10:04What was it again?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Oh, yeah! Communion. And yes,
0:10:06 > 0:10:09the occasional glass for somebody who's had some genuine trauma.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12If I was marrying Charlotte, I'd be having genuine trauma.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15- You know very well it isn't allowed. - OK, look - here's a new idea, OK?
0:10:15 > 0:10:20So how about we turn the stag night into a sort of communion service,
0:10:20 > 0:10:23only with a lot more wine, and curry instead of wafers?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26For heaven's sake, Nick. Look, I know you don't believe what I believe,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28but do you have to take the piss the whole time?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Yeah.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Yeah, actually I do.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Because my ridiculously dangerous job means that
0:10:33 > 0:10:35I don't approach life the same way that you do.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38This is one sodding bottle of wine, Mary.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39And it's not even for me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Fine, you think I'm a twat, but don't take that out on a bunch
0:10:42 > 0:10:44of guys who've made it halfway through a tour
0:10:44 > 0:10:47without getting shot, mortared or blown to pieces by an IED.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Just get a sense of fucking perspective.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Listen, Faruq, I need your help.
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Teach me Pashto.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01I will help as much as I can, but...
0:11:01 > 0:11:02probably a lost cause.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Let's just give it a go, shall we? Not going to let Millsy win.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08- Win what?- Can we start?
0:11:08 > 0:11:09OK, OK.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Very useful phrase for you.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO
0:11:14 > 0:11:17SHE REPEATS
0:11:17 > 0:11:18Hm... And what does that mean?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Please clean up my room.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22And you would say, "Ho!"
0:11:22 > 0:11:23Not to you, I wouldn't.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Na!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27You're always making the jokes, Corporal Bird.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Very funny!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31OK, say this.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO
0:11:32 > 0:11:35SHE REPEATS
0:11:37 > 0:11:38That means?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- When are you going to clean the windows?- Right.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44And what's Pashto for, "It's your turn to clean the fucking windows"?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Ooh! A zinger.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51I am just trying to focus on the most useful phrases for women.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Oh...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- Please clean up the vomit. - You know what, Faruq?
0:11:57 > 0:12:01I was right all along. You're a bigger dick than Millsy.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Oh, hi, Millsy. You big dick.
0:12:07 > 0:12:11We've got a shout on. Suspected car bomb outside a health clinic - now.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12You could've said, you dick.
0:12:25 > 0:12:29And Mac's invented a game called Hunt the Simon.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Genius!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Don't know how he comes up with 'em!
0:12:32 > 0:12:34It's gonna be the best stag ever!
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- I'm...not sure it is.- Faruq's curry is going to be awesome!
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I'm...not sure it is.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43There isn't going to be a stag night anyway. The wedding's off.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Oh, dear.- Fuck!
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Yes, I took your advice, Mac.
0:12:46 > 0:12:50I stood up to her and I said, "This is the way things are going to be,"
0:12:50 > 0:12:52and she said that wasn't the way things are going to be,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55so that isn't the way things are going to be.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Fair play. I thought she wanted a real man.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Turns out she wanted you.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02We can still have a stag night, though, right?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Obviously not.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Right, till I know if there's a device in the car or not,
0:13:23 > 0:13:26we're treating this as a Cat A, so we need to get a shift on.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Hogg, Millsy, Bird - sitrep, now.
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Number one - evacuation of the clinic.- In progress, boss.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33A dozen people in there, they've got to cut bars out the back window.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37- They're saying 40 minutes.- Oh, good. By which I mean, "Oh, shit."
0:13:38 > 0:13:40I need to get to that car.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Hogg, how much longer on the search for command wires?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Can I interest you in an hour?
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- 50 minutes, boss? - Quite shit, but thank you.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- How long has the area been secure? - 90 minutes.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51OK, so it's unlikely it's on a timer.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54And I see a fair amount of dickers have chosen to join us
0:13:54 > 0:13:57for today's antics. Bird, what are your thoughts on RCs?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- Low risk, boss. And we can mitigate.- OK...
0:14:00 > 0:14:04So let's assume that it's victim-operated.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07And let's hope by victim, I don't mean me.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Right, let's get this ICP set up, then.- Troopie!
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Oh, good.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13An IED basically...right there.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Handy.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16OK, mark and avoid...
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- Troopie!- OK, nobody fucking move!
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Two IEDs. Yay!
0:14:21 > 0:14:24So, Hogg - I want you to complete the search, and here and here.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I want to mitigate the possibility of command devices.
0:14:27 > 0:14:30We'll deal with them later. I can get to the car as soon as possible.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33Bring the vehicle round here, we'll work on the safe side of it.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35- All OK? - ALL: Yes, boss.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36OK, crack on.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Right, team - let's start again.
0:14:51 > 0:14:52Millsy.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55So, staff and patients are out, but there's a woman in labour.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56What?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58And her midwife. Can't get them out the window.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Oh, Fuckton-on-Thames.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04OK, just get her into the back room and make sure she stays there.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- I'll radio the platoon sergeant. - All right.
0:15:06 > 0:15:11Now, the 6 million question...
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Er, it's the million-dollar question, boss.
0:15:13 > 0:15:156 million man... Million-dollar question.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18What a great time to bring up a guy who was rebuilt
0:15:18 > 0:15:20after a horrific accident.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- Oh, yeah. - My question was,
0:15:23 > 0:15:24is there a device in the car,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27or is this whole thing just a come-on to get us on top
0:15:27 > 0:15:30of these two IEDs? Hogg, what's the situation with command wires?
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Nothing yet. Ten minutes. - Cheers, Sergeant. Thank you, Millsy.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Boss.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47You should call Charlotte when you get back.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49It's not worth losing the wedding for a stag do.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53It's not just the stag do, though, is it, boss? The whole thing...
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Yeah, yeah. I know.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Surely it's better to back down than to die alone?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Bloody hell, boss, that's a bit steep.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Tell her you had a near-miss. Stepped very close to a device.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Been thinking about your mortality.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Kiss...
0:16:09 > 0:16:11make up...
0:16:11 > 0:16:14and then get back to whatever freaky dominatrix shit
0:16:14 > 0:16:16I'm presuming Charlotte's into.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31We're done, boss. Haven't found anything.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- Not a sausage.- Right, I'm going to put my balls on the table...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Urgh.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I'll bet that I could spend the next two hours searching that car
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- and there's not even a bomb in it. - There isnae a bomb?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45So you could just leap in it and drive off?
0:16:45 > 0:16:49Yeah, great idea, Rocket. Why don't you leap in it and drive off?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- I cannae drive.- Ah.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54The only flaw in an otherwise brilliant plan.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- Faruq's found an eyewitness. - Excellent.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01HE SPEAKS IN PASHTO
0:17:08 > 0:17:10He saw someone park the car three hours ago,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- climb out and walk away. - Three hours ago?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14That timeline can't be right...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16He said "khirke" - that's "window", isn't it?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- Why did he say window?- I don't know.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Fucking ask him again, knobchops!
0:17:25 > 0:17:28He climbed out of the window and walked away.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31So there is a device in the car. I am impressed, Bird. Always thought
0:17:31 > 0:17:34- there was a device in there. - Thanks. No, you didn't, you said...
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Right, better get down there. - Thanks.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- Bird.- Hm?
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I'm sorry about...you know?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Being the shittest teacher ever?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19OK, yes, I was a bit of a dick, I admit.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23That's all right. You weren't the absolute shittest.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Faruq was.
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Hey!
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Skip!
0:18:29 > 0:18:31I was thinking...
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Now you're single...
0:18:33 > 0:18:36and a lance corporal on leave fae Afghan,
0:18:36 > 0:18:39you could shag your way from John O'Groats to Land's End.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Well...
0:18:41 > 0:18:43John O'Groats to...
0:18:43 > 0:18:44Inverness.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45No. I'm going to call Charlotte
0:18:45 > 0:18:48and explain the pressure I've been put under
0:18:48 > 0:18:50by my team members.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- It's no' my fault! - You told me to stand up to her.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Shit, aye...
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Aye. It is my fault.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Then we can get married like she always wanted...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Like we always wanted.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Stag night...
0:19:03 > 0:19:04back on!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07- ROCKET OVER RADIO:- Gleaming!
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Oh, dear.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24OK, Millsy - I'm pretty sure the main device is in the boot
0:19:24 > 0:19:27and I'm fairly sure it's going to be heavily booby-trapped, so...
0:19:27 > 0:19:29I think I'm going to go in through the window.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30- OVER RADIO:- OK, boss.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33- Be careful. - Ah, being careful.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Good plan.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Hello.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55OK. He can tow the car.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58That is unless Rocket wants to practise his three-point turns?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Nice job, boss. Want the last of the water?
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Yes.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Fucking chinstrapped.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15Aah.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17Seriously...
0:21:17 > 0:21:20Thank you, guys. I couldn't have done it without you.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Well... Could have done most of it,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24just, you know, not all of it.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30The baby is born and praise to God, it's a boy!
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Dick.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33The new mother is very grateful
0:21:33 > 0:21:36and she will name her son in our honour.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37She's called him Nick?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39No. No!
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- She has named her son Faruq! - Oh...
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- So, are we done?- Yep.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Apart from those two other IEDs.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Just give me a minute.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Um, we don't want to lose the light, boss.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Yep.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03These things will kill me, anyway.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Are you all right, boss?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Nowhere in the world I'd rather be.
0:22:10 > 0:22:11Let's crack on.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- BOTH:- Stag ni-i-i-ight!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- I'll get the kerosene!- Whoa, we don't want to overdo this, guys!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I don't want to get hospitalised
0:22:32 > 0:22:34when we're less than 12 hours away from R&R.
0:22:36 > 0:22:37Hey, Nick.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Oh... Hello.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43Boss, boss! Come on! We've got to flame-grill 100 poppadoms!
0:22:43 > 0:22:45You took so long on that car bomb, we're way behind on the stag do!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47OK, guys, I might need...
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Look, will you two leave him alone for one flipping minute, OK?
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Can't you see he's too tired?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54He needs a rest before your stupid stag night!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56He's just defused two IEDs and a car bomb,
0:22:56 > 0:22:59and saved the lives of a mother, midwife and a newborn baby.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Aye. We saw.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Well, sorry...
0:23:02 > 0:23:04I'm sorry, Nick.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Tell you what, come and find me later
0:23:08 > 0:23:10and we'll have a little snifter.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Yeah.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13OK.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14OK.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21- Do you know what, Bird? - Hm?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I think I am finally in there.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25At fucking last.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31My cousin called.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35He says the lentil curry and beer is doing very nicely.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36It's lentil beer, innit?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38No' lentil curry.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Oh, yes!
0:23:39 > 0:23:42The two are very much separate!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Yes!
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Excuse me while I make a call.
0:24:06 > 0:24:09Ah! I've had worse.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10But only in Dundee!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13- Is that the booze? - Technically.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Be nice if we had some pitta bread to dip in it.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Of course, I am forbidden from drinking alcohol.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Which is a relief, I mean... look at it.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Well, the last Padre would have had some communion wine
0:24:23 > 0:24:25for times like this, but the new one...
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Nah. Not so much.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Well, I'll just put this away, then.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30ALL: No!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- CHEERING - Yes!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Thank you!
0:24:36 > 0:24:38- Here's to freedom.- Hey!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40To freedom!
0:24:40 > 0:24:43ALL: Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oah!
0:24:43 > 0:24:46ALL CHEER
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Bloody hell, that is rank!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Wait a minute, wait a minute - what do you mean, freedom?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53I was going to tell Charlotte I had a near-miss, get her back,
0:24:53 > 0:24:56then I thought, "Fuck that!" I don't want to be with someone
0:24:56 > 0:24:58who makes up rules for my fucking stag night...
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Are you sure about that?- If she doesn't want to be with a real man,
0:25:02 > 0:25:04like me, then she can jog on.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07Good decision, Skip. Now, where's that communion wine?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09There's communion wine? Shit, you could've said.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Good. All right.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12I'm going to go and find Nick.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15ALL LAUGH
0:25:15 > 0:25:18I'm king of the world!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19ALL CHEER
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Nick, sorry I'm late, I was just...
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Hello, you.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Hey, hey, Padre.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Want to try some of this goat curry?
0:25:59 > 0:26:00Mm, it's fucking blinding.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Watch out. I think that may be literally true.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Mm, I might hold off.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- Oh. - It's just some old trinket
0:26:08 > 0:26:10I've been meaning to get rid of.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Nah, it's that wee toucan your ex gave you.
0:26:12 > 0:26:15AWKWARDLY: Ha-ha! Where's the stag?
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Just over there.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18- Oh...- Mm.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21SIMON SOBS
0:26:21 > 0:26:23God, I love her!
0:26:23 > 0:26:25HE HYPERVENTILATES
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Her hair...
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Her hair!
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Tiny nose!
0:26:30 > 0:26:32# And I miss you!
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# Like the deserts miss the rain. #
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Karaoke! Brilliant.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40Simon, do you want to talk?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Thank fuck. You take over, Padre.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46I should... I should've said sorry.
0:26:46 > 0:26:49She was right, she's always right!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I miss her so much!
0:26:51 > 0:26:52Wait!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53ALL GROAN
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Oh, Skip!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57- Fuck's sake. - What's going on here?
0:26:57 > 0:27:00Some sort of stomach bug, I presume?
0:27:00 > 0:27:04Let's hope those of you not on R&R tomorrow don't contract this...
0:27:04 > 0:27:05surprising disease.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Fingers crossed, sir.
0:27:07 > 0:27:08Carry on.
0:27:08 > 0:27:09SIMON VOMITS
0:27:09 > 0:27:11Eurgh!
0:27:11 > 0:27:12Hey, Faruq.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15TRANSLATION FROM PASHTO
0:27:15 > 0:27:16Boom!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Seriously, guys - I thought this was meant to be a fucking party?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22- Come on! - Yes, more curry!
0:27:23 > 0:27:24I mean beer!
0:28:00 > 0:28:03So you really thought I was asleep just then?
0:28:03 > 0:28:05Bloody hell, Nick!
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd