0:00:02 > 0:00:07This programme contains strong language.
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Weapons Intelligence aren't usually late.
0:00:10 > 0:00:11We could give it another five.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13You did ask them to come.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Yes, I did. And yet, WISWO came there none.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17WISWO!
0:00:19 > 0:00:22I just like the word - WISWO!
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Well, it doesn't sound like he's a weapons intelligence guy, does it?
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Sounds like he's a wizard. Whiz!
0:00:28 > 0:00:31And he's just done something amazing! Whoa!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35WISWO!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Your life in his hands. Incredible.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40Right, life's too short. I'm going down there.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Boss on the move!
0:00:45 > 0:00:47VOICES CRACKLE OVER RADIO
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Boss. We've got some chat on ICOM.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56VOICES CRACKLE OVER RADIO
0:00:56 > 0:00:57What are they saying?
0:00:57 > 0:01:00"The donkey is walking towards the tiger."
0:01:00 > 0:01:01What?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Oh, shit! Boss! Boss, get out of there!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10"The donkey runs like a girl."
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Just kidding.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17- Well?- They're saying the donkey was walking towards the tiger.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- You must be the donkey, boss. - Yes, I...- And the tiger is...
0:01:20 > 0:01:24The bomb! Well done for cracking that impenetrable Taliban code(!)
0:01:24 > 0:01:26OK. So, what does this mean?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Remote initiation? A command wire?
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Yeah. But the search team's already had a poke about
0:01:30 > 0:01:32and didn't find anything, so...?
0:01:32 > 0:01:33It could be along a linear feature?
0:01:33 > 0:01:38A linear feature! He's learning! Bird, linear feature.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Get them to check again.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Boss, my team can't stop you being blown to bits
0:01:43 > 0:01:45by a command wire device,
0:01:45 > 0:01:48but you're not getting shot, not on my watch.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Thanks, Simon...comforting(!)
0:01:54 > 0:01:56The donkey is checking the time.
0:01:56 > 0:01:59The donkey! Why can't I be the tiger?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01They go to go to all this trouble of targeting me,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03and they can't even give me a decent bloody codename?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Don't shoot the messenger.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09No, seriously. Don't.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41There you go! All done.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- Let's hope our new WISWO... - WISWO!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49..can help us to... Nutsack! Fucking hell!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Nick.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Nutsack.
0:02:55 > 0:02:56This is cosy(!)
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Isn't it? So, you're our new WISWO.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Good. Perfect. Amazeballs!
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Believe me, mate, as much of a surprise for me as it is for you.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Last week I was in Chester, scratching my arse, next thing
0:03:07 > 0:03:11I'm off to Afghan before I even get a chance to sniff my fingers.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Charming(!) Steve Nuttall, Towerblock, you've already met Bird.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19- Yes, she...- Lance Corporal Lansley. Close protection.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Yeah, Bird said about a command wire device?
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Unusual in this terrain.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Yeah, I know it's unusual. That's why you're here.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Yeah, so we reckon we're dealing with an experienced bomber
0:03:31 > 0:03:34with a working knowledge of our existing render safe
0:03:34 > 0:03:35and forensic procedures.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Brilliant! So you've totally read the profile I compiled.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Did you have any information that, you know, I didn't give you?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Like, who it is?
0:03:43 > 0:03:44No idea, mate.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Well, I'm so glad you're here(!)
0:03:46 > 0:03:48It's good to know you've got my back.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Puts you in an ideal position to stick a knife in it.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Yeah, all right. Just make sure that the rest of your team are...
0:03:55 > 0:03:56- The rest of my team are fine.- OK.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Actually, you know what - the rest of my team are better than fine.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03They're a group of highly skilled individuals who know exactly what they're doing. So, thank you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Bloody hell, Simon.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- Sorry.- And in the World Willy Waving contest,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12both Nick and Nutsack both have nil points.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14- Piss off, Bird.- Seriously boss, what was all that about?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- He said you were old mates. - Yeah, we were.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Till he fucked my fiancee!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- Whoa! Fuck me!- Of course! Marianne!
0:04:23 > 0:04:27Losing a fiancee, huh? I feel your pain, brother.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Come on. Let's go home.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44OK, most likely to...get caught dogging.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Bird! No question. - What about you, Mac?
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I wouldn't get caught, would I?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51ALL: Aaaaah!
0:04:51 > 0:04:52OK. OK. OK!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Most likely to...
0:04:54 > 0:04:58stick a Haribo up his arse to see if he could tell which one it was by the shape?
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Ha ha...gay!
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Well, you actually did that, Rocket, so you.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06Ha ha! Aye, I did. And you cannae tell.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10OK - most likely to... come out as gay?
0:05:10 > 0:05:14- ALL: Mac!- Eh?! Aw, seriously - I'm no' fucking gay!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Ah, see! He's no' gay.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19But the thing is, Rocket, Mac is in denial.
0:05:19 > 0:05:23- No, I'm not!- Mac is so keen to call everything and everyone else gay,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26because he has certain - feelings -
0:05:26 > 0:05:29that upset and confuse him.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Except, I don't, because I'm no' gay!
0:05:32 > 0:05:37So, if you're completely secure in your heterosexuality,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39you wouldn't care how you came across,
0:05:39 > 0:05:44so you'd be happy to call everyone "duckie" all day.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46- For example.- Fuck off!
0:05:46 > 0:05:49"Duckie"? Towerblock, have you ever actually met anyone who's gay?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51I've met Mac.
0:05:51 > 0:05:52Fair enough.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56My great-uncle was gay. But you couldnae tell.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Until he married that guy. He never called anyone "duckie", though.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01He just called everyone "pal".
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Let's not get bogged down by authenticity, eh?
0:06:04 > 0:06:08"All right, pal!" That was him.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13OK, look, the only way that Mac can prove he's not in denial
0:06:13 > 0:06:17is to call everyone on the base "duckie" all day.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Fuck off!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20THEY JEER
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Fuck off!
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Duckie!
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Better.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- So, as our new WISWO... - WISWO!
0:06:38 > 0:06:41..pointed out, this bomber is specifically targeting us...
0:06:41 > 0:06:43But mainly targeting you, boss.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47Thank you, Simon - so stay sharp, double check everything.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Drills and skills. OK? Mary.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52OK, so I've organised another Mary's Movies Night.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Really?- Brilliant(!)
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Look, I know that some of my film picks have bombed -
0:06:57 > 0:06:58I mean, er, sorry...
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I quite enjoyed Three Colours Red.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Face it, Mary, you have no idea what the guys like.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Just trying to broaden some rather narrow horizons.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08And what cinematic treat do you have for us?
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Well, I think you're going to like it, it's a bit more soldiery.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Atonement!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Mary, have you actually ever met any soldiers?
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Well, I'm a soldier...
0:07:17 > 0:07:20ALL LAUGH LOUDLY
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Can't you at least put something popular on?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- Atonement won a BAFTA! - Always a bad sign.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26- What's a BAFTA? - No, look, it's fine,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28if you want to watch mindless Hollywood blockbusters.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32But it's my movie night, and some people actually prefer European cinema.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34So, tomorrow night, we're watching Atonement,
0:07:34 > 0:07:37and there'll be lots of people there, and that's that!
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Wait, wait, wait! Tomorrow night's Bird's Boogie Night!- Of course!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- What? - First Thursday. Bird's Boogie Night.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46How did I not know about this?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Cos I've never invited you. It's a soldier thing.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Well, can you change it to another night? Because I've told everyone now.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57I'm not moving Bird's Boogie Night just to avoid clashing with everyone not watching your film.
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Yeah? And I'm not moving Mary's Movies for an event you hadn't even told me about.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Mmmm. A stand off.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07No, OK - we'll have to have both and we'll just see who comes to what.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08- Fine.- Fine.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11OK. So, team, anything else?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Boss, could we run some close protection drills?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15What with you being targeted...
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- No.- I'm with Mac on this one.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Are you sure, boss? Cos if you got killed, how's that gonna make me look?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Wow! OK.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28Er...boss, look, if this new bomber's on your case, then you and the WISWO will need to get on.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- WISWO!- It's all right, Towerblock.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31No, I agree, boss.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34If you are being targeted, you can't be thinking of
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Warrant Officer Nuttall, y'know...
0:08:38 > 0:08:41..ploughing your fiancee. Clear the air.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Yup! Go and see him, face to face.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46And punch his fucking lights out.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49All right, Towerblock, I know in t'North you settle your disputes
0:08:49 > 0:08:52by glassing your mates outside t'pub,
0:08:52 > 0:08:55but in the civilised world, we talk to each other. Using words.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I'd punch him in the face.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00I was going to go with nuts, but face could work.
0:09:00 > 0:09:01Good meeting, everyone!
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Knock, knock - Corporal Bird, Private MacDowell.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12- Sir.- Sir.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Everything in hand for Bird's Boogie Night?
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- We're just putting together the playlist, sir.- Good-oh!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Make sure there's a bit of Sugababes on there.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- Guaranteed floor filler.- Sir.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Pity about the clash with the padre's film night.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Still, her hit rate's pretty dismal.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30What's she gone for this time? The Kite Runner?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Documentary about Venezuelan feminists?
0:09:32 > 0:09:36- Atonement.- Oof! Really? Still, could be worse.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Could be The King's Speech. That was bobbins.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Always a bad sign, BAFTAs. Don't you think, Mac?
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Aye. You're right...
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- ..duckie.- Carry on...
0:09:49 > 0:09:50precious.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55# If you're ready for me, boy, you better...
0:09:57 > 0:10:00# Push the button, let me know before I
0:10:00 > 0:10:03# Get the wrong idea and go... #
0:10:05 > 0:10:06I've got the forensics from this morning.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09"The donkey is entering the cookhouse."
0:10:10 > 0:10:15Yeah, and I just wanted to, um, clear the air.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17I know we've had our differences, but it's time to move on,
0:10:17 > 0:10:21focus on the matter in hand. So. This bomber...
0:10:21 > 0:10:24Hey, it's so good to hear you say that!
0:10:24 > 0:10:27Seven years is too long not to speak to each other.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31And I'm sure Marianne would want to say hi.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Would she? OK. Well, as long as she's...
0:10:34 > 0:10:36all right. So, the wire...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39She's all right. As all right as you can be with twins on the way!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41That'll be five.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43Five kids!
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Wow!
0:10:45 > 0:10:50So, the wire - well, it feels like he wants us to know it's him.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Feels like he's trying to fuck with my head.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Or maybe he's just got a load of orange wire.
0:10:54 > 0:10:58Look, I'm just made up that you want to...you want to move on.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01You were my best mate.
0:11:02 > 0:11:03"Best mate?"
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You were screwing Marianne behind my back for six months!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Oh, so it's...all in the past now then, is it?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Come on, Nick! Nicky boy -
0:11:15 > 0:11:18we're part of the most incestuous trade in the whole fucking army...
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Speak for yourself!
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Hang about - you shagged Marianne's sister!
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Yeah! But only afterwards!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27And I didn't enjoy it.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28Much.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Oh, what?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Bird, you utter bitch!
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Well, I'm sorry but she is.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57Well, hold it up so everyone can see.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01So, Bird, how come you've got gay porn?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Does that mean you're gay? No.
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Cos if you were gay you'd have porn with girls in it.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- But that's straight porn. So... - I just prefer it, all right?
0:12:10 > 0:12:14It's the real deal. Just plain old naked men fucking.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Fair dos.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Bad news, chaps. Film night is cancelled.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23- Oh!- Brilliant! - ..because the projector has mysteriously gone missing.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Jesus'll know where it is. Ask him.
0:12:26 > 0:12:30So unless whoever's "borrowed" it, decides to return it, then it's all off.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Which is such a shame as I've got a job lot of Pepperami
0:12:33 > 0:12:35coming from a padre in Bastion.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Can we have the Pepperami anyway?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39No. I just think it's sad that someone would...
0:12:39 > 0:12:43I haven't taken your fucking projector, all right...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45- Ma'am.- I'm not saying anything.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47- Just whoever it is... - It wasn't me, though!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50- Yes, but whoever it is... - Can you stop looking at me when you say "whoever it is"!
0:12:50 > 0:12:54- If whoever has it can bring it back...- It wasn't fucking me, all right!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57Has anyone else got an erection right now?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Apart from that guy, obviously. - Yes, thank you, Nick.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Wow!
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Anyway... Whoever has it, should just return it to me,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06no questions asked, and I won't take things any further...
0:13:07 > 0:13:08..with her.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24RESA has completed a search for command wires, boss. Nothing.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Oh, well, we're unlikely to see two on the same day anyway.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Sounds like you're relying on the law of averages there, mate.
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Er...he's right, boss. You did say we should double check everything.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36- There you go, listen to your number two, and...- Then you two get a room
0:13:36 > 0:13:39and you can fuck him like you fucked my fiancee. How about that?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Jesus!- Sorry, boss.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I was watching - vigilance.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Yeah, we're just working on some new close protection procedures.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Very close, as it turns out.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57WISWO!
0:14:00 > 0:14:01Yeah?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Er...
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Nothing.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Padre.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55Right! Tatty Bye!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Boss on the move!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03The snake is crawling towards the mango.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Shit. Boss. Get back!
0:15:12 > 0:15:13You are shitting me.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15The snake is crawling towards the mango.
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Bird, find Sergeant Hogg
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- and tell him to do another search for command wires!- Sure.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21With a side order of "fucking find it this time!"
0:15:21 > 0:15:23I'll see if they got that.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Well, this is gonna take an hour!
0:15:31 > 0:15:36So, I'm a snake now, am I? How peachy!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Did I say snake?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43Sorry, a better translation would be worm.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46The worm is crawling towards the mango.
0:15:56 > 0:15:57KNOCK AT DOOR
0:16:02 > 0:16:04Is there something I can help you with?
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Yeah. Where's my fucking stereo...Ma'am?
0:16:08 > 0:16:13Well, where's my f...actual projector, Bird? Corporal?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Ah, padre, Bird. Missing something?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- Yes! I...- No, I just...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Your projector? Sorry, padre.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Had to borrow it in a hurry for a Powerpoint thingy back at the FOB.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Theirs was broken. Knew you wanted it back for film night.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Yes. Thank you, sir.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31No problem. I think the DVD's still in the box.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Oh, no. This is a different one.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. And Atonement seems to be missing.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42I can't show that. That's not what Mary's Movies is all about.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45I thought you two were competing for an audience.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- I'd go with Transformers.- Fine.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50# Robots in disguise! #
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Not a very good disguise though, most of the time. Shame.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Bird! You stop! It's not in here.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Look,
0:17:07 > 0:17:11why don't I see if I can find out who stole your stereo,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14and get him to put it back, no questions asked?
0:17:14 > 0:17:19Or HER. Get HER to put it back, Ma'am.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26All right, benders?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Oh, dear. You have let yourself down there, Mac.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Aw, what? Are you still on that?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36We didn't want to be, but...
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Casual homophobia is a definite sign of denial.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Fuck off.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43I've already proved I'm very comfortable
0:17:43 > 0:17:46- with a whole range of gay activities.- Ah-huh!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48We could get him to dress as one of the Village People.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50The Red Indian! He was the best one!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Might look a bit racist.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Yeah, it would be a shame to look a bit racist
0:17:55 > 0:17:58when you've made such an effort to give a balanced view of gay culture.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Hmm. Maybe the construction worker then?
0:18:02 > 0:18:03HE LAUGHS
0:18:04 > 0:18:08I mean, I know I'm no saint, but come on, he was shagging my fiancee.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Nick, you just have to forgive him.
0:18:10 > 0:18:14Is that what they taught you at Sandhurst while we were all learning about fighting?
0:18:14 > 0:18:17You just look him in the eye and you say, "I forgive you".
0:18:18 > 0:18:22Wow. I really must write some of this down.
0:18:22 > 0:18:26Otherwise, how will I remember the finer details? Cheers, padre.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Boss!
0:18:31 > 0:18:34Without knowing it, you are already part of a close protection drill.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37I've primed Mac and Rocket to launch a surprise attack
0:18:37 > 0:18:39when we least expect it.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- Bloody hell!- Jesus! Not yet!
0:18:42 > 0:18:43You said you wanted a surprise!
0:18:43 > 0:18:45- Yes, but...- Surprise!
0:18:45 > 0:18:49OK, Simon. I think the key here is 360 degree visibility, yeah?
0:18:49 > 0:18:52OK, great, so why don't you get up that sangar,
0:18:52 > 0:18:57and see what the 360 degree atmospheric visibility profile is
0:18:57 > 0:18:58on me, Mac and Rocket?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- Great idea!- Boom! Good work, soldier!
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- Right, coffee?- Aye.- Brilliant.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Boss?
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Boss! I've lost visibility!
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Cover that.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Right, the search team have gone over every inch for command wires
0:19:28 > 0:19:29twice, boss, and nothing.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Well, you had two command wires yesterday.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Hey, someone write this guy up for a medal!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36He totally remembers something that happened yesterday!
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Simon?
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Following this morning's exercise,
0:19:41 > 0:19:45I wondered about that 360 degree vis on that ridge up there?
0:19:45 > 0:19:48It's a good vantage point, Corporal, but it hasn't been cleared.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Oh, we can clear it as we go.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51I wouldn't advise it.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55I think I can trust my team to make the right decisions.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Trust, mate, not something you know much about.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Simon, you do whatever you think's best.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01OK, let's move out! You!
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Right, if no-one has any more objections,
0:20:05 > 0:20:07I think I might go down to that device.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Towerblock, get my kit.- Yes, boss.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Bird!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19MEN SPEAK ON RADIO
0:20:19 > 0:20:21The leopard is...
0:20:21 > 0:20:23What is it?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26The leopard is approaching the turnip.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27I'm a leopard? I'm a leopard now!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30- Get in!- But you haven't started approaching the turnip yet, boss.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34No, no, no! Can we just focus on the fact that I am a leopard for a moment because...
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Simon.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Simon, Simon!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I'm nearly there, boss!
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- There's a device up there!- Fucking come back down or you'll die!
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Simon, get down!
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Charlie, Charlie One, this is Bluestone 42. Contact IED. Wait out.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Fuck, fuck.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Simon? SIMON!
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Mac, thank fuck! Where's Simon?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08- Fuck knows!- Quick, get into cover!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Simon!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13SIMON!
0:21:13 > 0:21:14Boss!
0:21:14 > 0:21:19Oh, Jesus! Simon! Are you OK?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Wha... I AM OK!
0:21:22 > 0:21:26OK, everyone stay in cover, stay sharp. Eyes on.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28- Eyes on.- Eyes on!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Shit. That was too fucking close.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40- Simon.- Boss?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Look, I just wanted to apologise for earlier.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47- Letting you go up on that ridge was...- It's all right, boss. I'm your close protection.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- It was my call.- Yeah, it's just this stuff with Nutsack, you know.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54It's got to me and I'm sorry.
0:21:54 > 0:21:58- Maybe...you need to forgive him. - You sound like the padre.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01And I can't believe you got to be the fucking leopard!
0:22:01 > 0:22:02ROAARR!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Steve.- Nick.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Look.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Kick him in the nuts!
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Sorry, mate, I had to do that.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Yeah, yeah, I know mate. Fair play. Shit!
0:22:24 > 0:22:25You've got quite a hook there.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28Look, I know that I behaved like a complete arsehole.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31So if you want to have another go, come on.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Nah!
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Look, mate, you and Marianne, I mean, fair play,
0:22:37 > 0:22:39you've made a go of it, right.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41When I proposed to her, I'd just finished my first tour,
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I thought it was what I wanted, but could you imagine?
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Me? With a wife?
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Stuck in some shitty Army semi?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Bunch of fucking rug rats snotting and puking all over the place?
0:22:51 > 0:22:54- What?- School runs, recorder practice, Saturday night telly?
0:22:54 > 0:22:57Awful. Never have a shag cos you're always knackered?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00That's my fucking life you're talking about, you wanker!
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Oh, fuck you, you two-faced prick!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Kick him in the nuts!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- WISWO!- Go, Nick!- Go, boss!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Hi, guys, help yourself to Pepperami.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Who have you come as, Bob the Builder?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20It's a wee bit more complicated than that.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Nice turn out.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Oh. Thanks, Bird.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29And my stereo turned up, so...
0:23:29 > 0:23:34No problem. I mean, oh! Oh! Did it? Great!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Anyway, no harm done.
0:23:36 > 0:23:41It's been a hell of a day, so let's just watch Transformers.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Fuck Boogie Night.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Er, really? OK, OK.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51- Guys, shall we begin? - ALL: Yeah!
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Trailers. They're my favourite. They're like wee movies.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02- Hey?- What?- What is this?
0:24:02 > 0:24:06- But how is this... - I had a feeling someone might steal it so I set up the handicam.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14OK, I think we've all seen enough of this.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16I don't think we have...Ma'am.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Oh, hello. What's she seen?
0:24:19 > 0:24:21THEY ALL LAUGH AND JEER
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Now THAT'S entertainment.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Yeah, right padre!
0:24:25 > 0:24:29- OK, no, sorry, that's it. No more Mary's Movie Nights. - ALL CHEER
0:24:29 > 0:24:31What? I was hoping you'd beg me to keep them. Never mind.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34- Who's up for Bird's Boogie Night? - ALL CHEER
0:24:34 > 0:24:37Ah, Mary. I've just been watching Atonement. Cracking film.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39Despite the BAFTA.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41See you at Boogie Night.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Mac! Mac! Mac! I've got it! I've got it!
0:24:51 > 0:24:55If you want to prove that you're not gay, then you would have no
0:24:55 > 0:24:58problem in putting your penis in Rocket's mouth.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01- Eh?- I mean, what could be a clearer demonstration that you're
0:25:01 > 0:25:03entirely comfortable with your own sexuality?
0:25:05 > 0:25:07All right. But this is the last one!
0:25:07 > 0:25:11Well, don't I get a say in this? I'm not doing that.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13BOTH LAUGH
0:25:13 > 0:25:16- What?- You're in denial, mate. You must be gay.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- Aye. You're gay, Rocket.- Am I?
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Because I don't want to suck Mac's cock?
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Yeah.- Aye.- It just goes to show, you cannae tell.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Sugababes! Great choice!
0:25:42 > 0:25:43Thanks, sir!
0:25:45 > 0:25:47All right, I take it back.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50You do understand what they want more than I do.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Thank you!
0:25:55 > 0:25:57One for the wank bank, eh?
0:25:59 > 0:26:00What?
0:26:00 > 0:26:03I don't...er... Let's just say we have different...
0:26:03 > 0:26:07- Masturbational fantasies? - I'm just going to...
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Is there something on your mind, Rocket?
0:26:19 > 0:26:24Eh, I'm just a wee bit confused about my sexuality.
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Really?
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Aye, I think I might be the only gay one here.
0:26:31 > 0:26:32What makes you say that?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Mac and Towerblock said that I'm in denial.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Mac said that?
0:26:38 > 0:26:43OK. Rocket, sexuality is on a spectrum.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46Everyone has to work it out on their own.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52And some people find it much harder to work out than others.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04So, you "forgave" him, then?
0:27:04 > 0:27:06We forgave each other, didn't we, mate?
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Yeah. We forgave seven shades of shit out of each other.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12I'm glad it all worked out.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20Tell you what, mate,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22your padre is proper fit.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Don't you fucking dare!