0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language and scenes of a sexual nature.
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- Do you fancy me?- Of course.- Wow! - I wish they'd fuck each other and get it over with.
0:00:13 > 0:00:19Who puts a bare-wire loop trigger inside the plastic?
0:00:19 > 0:00:23- Our bomber got someone.- Shit! - Low metal, same orange wire.
0:00:23 > 0:00:25Oh, you have been busy, haven't you?
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Yeah, it looks like the same bomb-maker again.
0:00:39 > 0:00:42I hate it when he leaves me presents. I never get him anything.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43He doesn't seem to mind, boss.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45I reckon he just likes the attention.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48I wish we could give him a bit more attention.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Personal attention. To the face.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53And/or bollocks.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- Whoa, whoa, hang about. - What the...?!
0:01:00 > 0:01:02They've got Graham!
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- Shit!- The road's not clear beyond the device.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08- I got him, boss!- Hold!
0:01:08 > 0:01:10No clear threat to life. Warning shot, boss?
0:01:10 > 0:01:15A warning of what? We can't actually shoot them unless they shoot first.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Those are the rules, boss. - Yeah! Silly, isn't it?
0:01:20 > 0:01:25- We're fighting this whole stupid war on their terms.- Yeah.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28If I was an Apache, I'd hate to come up against that moped.
0:01:28 > 0:01:33- Technically, this isn't a war, boss. - No? Soldiers. Bombs.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36It does feel quite warry.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Still, we can't return fire until we feel clearly endangered...
0:01:39 > 0:01:40I know, Simon.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44GUNFIRE Shit! I mean, hooray! Open fire!
0:01:46 > 0:01:51- Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42. Contact.- Oh, bugger.- Shots fired.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Sitrep to follow. Wait out.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Yep, don't use the big gun, Simon.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02After all, it's not a war.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Diamond 21, this is Bluestone 42.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Request immediate fire support. Over.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Shit! Simon, more incoming, second group of enemies from the west.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42Rocket!
0:02:42 > 0:02:44- Bird, get into cover.- Yup.
0:02:44 > 0:02:46RADIO: Enemies close to you, heading west.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Roger that. Over. Mortar support figures too, boss.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54Mortar Team Frost, this is Bluestone 42. Request HE 100m west of spot 25.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Boss! Boss, get here now!
0:03:04 > 0:03:07- IED, right there!- Holy shit!
0:03:07 > 0:03:11You useless bastards need to practise your fives and twenties!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Simon, I want everyone as far away from this as possible.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Bird, get into cover!
0:03:24 > 0:03:26I'm going to go in manual.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Roger that, boss.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Everyone, get down!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I've got control of him.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Incoming!
0:03:47 > 0:03:50INCOMING SHELLS
0:03:58 > 0:04:03- Thanks, boss.- No problem. - Here's your weapon back, boss.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- You OK?- Yeah. No thanks to you.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09I have to be my own force protection now, do I? Your SA-80 jammed again!
0:04:09 > 0:04:13- It's the second time this week. - I clean it every day. Sorry, boss.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15Well, sorry isn't going to help
0:04:15 > 0:04:18when I get a sucking chest wound... to the head! Is it?
0:04:20 > 0:04:25Luckily there's no danger of that, as this isn't a fucking war!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Mac! Rocket! Rifles stripped and cleaned.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37"Rifles stripped and cleaned."
0:04:37 > 0:04:40It wasnae our weapons that didnae function.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Uh, panic over, everyone. Weapons Intelligence is here.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I've come about your special bomb-making friend.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51You've got someone? Awesome.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- No, actually, we've had a bit of a set back.- Oh.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55We thought we had someone from a partial print
0:04:55 > 0:04:57but he was just being paid to stick the things in the ground.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- Ten-dollar Taliban.- Shit.
0:04:59 > 0:05:06Then we saw a device with the orange wire here, and Bluestone 44
0:05:06 > 0:05:10found another one here, completely fucking our location profiling.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12So we've had to widen our search to this area here.
0:05:12 > 0:05:17- We're referring to it as Area A. A stands for Afghanistan.- Perfect.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19So what you're basically saying is we've got nothing.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22Oh, less than nothing - aren't we a Dragon Runner down on the deal?
0:05:22 > 0:05:23You don't stop him?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Well, the boss did shout, "Stop that, you rotter!"
0:05:25 > 0:05:27but for some reason they just ignored him.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29So talk me through this morning.
0:05:29 > 0:05:34Well, basically, the main device was designed to take ages,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37making it more likely that someone would step on this little chap.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Hang about.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- That's from an old VW Beetle. - Really?- You what?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Safe to have. That is an ignition-switch assembly.
0:05:46 > 0:05:50- Towerblock, did you used to nick cars?- My dad used to have a Beetle.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52We used to tune it up together every Sunday.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54After I'd nicked some cars.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Right, well, I know we've narrowed it down to Area A
0:05:57 > 0:05:59but, as this is our only link to the bomber,
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- looks like we're going to have to go with it. - Right, I'll get it to the lab.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Good work, Towerblock.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Ahh, we're going to have to speak to the village elders.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- See if they've seen a VW Beetle. - There's going to be a shura?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Awesome!- Awesome? Aren't they just proper boring?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Yeah, but I get the day off.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Can't do Afghan diplomacy if you've got ovaries. Who knew?
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Oooh, yes, better, guys, better. Yes!
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Where's my firing-pin-retaining-pin?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30It was here.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It was right here.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- Where is it, Mac?- Dunno.- Rocket?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Is it lunch yet?- Where is it?
0:06:40 > 0:06:43You realise sabotaging a weapon is a very serious offence?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- You must have dropped it on the floor.- Right, well, start looking.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- Fingertip search! - Aw, fuck off!- Do it yourself!- NOW!
0:06:49 > 0:06:55- And whatever you do, do not tell Nick that I've lost it.- Shit!
0:06:55 > 0:07:00Towerblock, can you help...look for my firing-pin-retaining-pin? Metal.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- About this big. - Slightly bigger than his penis.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06You know what you could do with is some bit of kit that finds
0:07:06 > 0:07:08little bits of metal.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Hmmm. Hang about.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Nick! Are you OK? - Yeah, right as rain.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I heard it was a tough day at the office.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Yeah. If the office had been attacked by terrorists,
0:07:23 > 0:07:27the photocopier was stuffed full of explosives and the tea lady pulled an AK on me.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30Right. Look, I don't want you to feel you can't talk to me
0:07:30 > 0:07:31like you always have.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35I mean, just because we've, er, you know...
0:07:35 > 0:07:39slept together, it doesn't mean that we can't chat.
0:07:39 > 0:07:44Anyway, I hope you feel OK about all of that. Do you feel OK? You seem OK.
0:07:44 > 0:07:49We'll just play it cool and act like it never happened. Yeah? Nick?
0:07:49 > 0:07:53Er, yeah. Great, yeah. Cool.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58- OK. Good.- Great. - So...see you around.- Yeah.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01Bye.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07METAL DETECTOR BEEPS
0:08:11 > 0:08:14OK, guys, joke's over. Give it back.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18- This lack of trust is actually quite hurtful.- Aye. We didn't nick it.
0:08:20 > 0:08:25- Did we?- Here, Mac. Vallon this! See if I've got lead in my pencil.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Fuck's sake! Sabotaging a weapon is an AGAI offence.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31When I prove that you have stolen it,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I will have you both court-martialled.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37- Do you understand?- We didn't nick it, all right!- Simon.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Let's go get some lunch - have a look with fresh eyes.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42- I don't want lunch. - Yeah, you do. Come on.
0:08:46 > 0:08:52- Sir.- Aaah, Khaleesi, loser of Dragons.- What?
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Just working my way through Game Of Thrones.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58No? Anyway, don't worry about the robot.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Just file it under expensive fuck-ups. Next to Iraq.- Yes, sir.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04But you weren't coming to see me about that, were you?
0:09:04 > 0:09:08Actually, we just wanted to have a sit down with the village elders - talk about this bomber.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Probably some ex-mujaheddin veteran trained by the CIA.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Fought the Soviets,
0:09:14 > 0:09:17and anyone else who wandered uninvited into his country.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- Suppose I should respect him, really. - Really?- No! He's trying to kill me!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24If I ever get my hands on him, I'm going to punch him and punch him
0:09:24 > 0:09:28until Simon mutters something about it being "a little bit unprofessional".
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Then I'd punch him again. Then I'm going to punch Simon.- Right.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35This afternoon Captain Softly was going to talk to some elders about a school we're knocking up.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Why don't you do that instead, see what you can find out?
0:09:37 > 0:09:38That'd be fantastic.
0:09:38 > 0:09:44And no jokes about burqas, bombs, al-Qaeda, guns, polygamy,
0:09:44 > 0:09:49Russians, goats, dogs, cricket, Pakistan, women's education,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Thursday nights, or hats.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Right, but the bin Laden material is fine though, yeah?- Oh, yes.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56That stuff's gold. Carry on.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Oh, there it is.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Let's give it to him. - No, no, no, no, no, no!
0:10:10 > 0:10:11- Eh?- He'll think we've nicked it.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15He'll try and get us court-martialled.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- But we can't let him go without a weapon.- And we won't.
0:10:18 > 0:10:24- We'll just let him find the pin himself.- Ahhhhh! Genius.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29But how's he going to find it there?
0:10:31 > 0:10:32I could stand here pointing at it.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39So...
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- Hi, Bird. Oh, yeah, I never had a chance to thank you.- For?
0:10:44 > 0:10:45For... You know,
0:10:45 > 0:10:50so that you-know-who would lose interest. He clearly has.
0:10:50 > 0:10:54- And you're fine with that, are you? - Oh, yeah. Totally fine.
0:10:54 > 0:10:59Anyway, the point is, he's moved on, no harm done. So that's...thank you.
0:10:59 > 0:11:04No problem, Padre. I knew if you fucked him, he'd lose interest.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I... What? No, that... That was just a wind-up.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Oh, you don't really think that we...- I don't think. I know.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Welcome to the Medhurst scrapheap.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21I'm so weak. Why did I give in?
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Curiosity? Sexual frustration? Boredom? Low self-esteem?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- Buzz in when you hear one you like.- Thank you, Bird.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Ready?- Aye.
0:11:44 > 0:11:51- Ahhh!- You two all right?- Aye.- OK, change of plan for the afternoon.
0:11:51 > 0:11:5416:00. Meeting with the village elders.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56We'll have the usual small talk.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Then we'll tell them we're building them a new school. Aren't we generous?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01And then casually ask them about the VW Beetle.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Are we going to ask about the robot, an' all?- Nah.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- We'll get a new one. Rocket, you're our food point man.- Gleaming.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Yeah, I seem to remember that their house speciality is cartilage, so you'll be eating for two.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- Right, we leave at 15:00.- Okey-doke.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19- So, you're saying have a bit of lunch.- No, I...
0:12:26 > 0:12:29- I need a weapon for the shura. - Go to the CQ?
0:12:29 > 0:12:33What, and get my name put on the board as Twat Of The Week?
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Oh, then Nick'll find out. I don't want him to think I'm incompetent.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Yeah. Best hide that fact for as long as possible.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43- You want weapon?- Oh! Sh!
0:12:45 > 0:12:49What I need really is a firing-pin-retaining-pin.
0:12:49 > 0:12:55Ah, no, very tricky. New weapon, 50.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59New firing-pin-retaining-pin, 1,000.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Well, I don't have 1,000...
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Let's see the weapon.
0:13:12 > 0:13:19- Oh, it's brilliant! - Behold! The AK-48!
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Like an AK-47 but more so!
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- Yes, more gold. - Only 50. Bargain.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32I can't carry that, I'm in the bloody army!
0:13:32 > 0:13:35You carry this, you will look like you are in a much better army!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37You will look like the king of the army!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I will look like a drug dealer.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Many of the people at this shura will be drug dealers.
0:13:44 > 0:13:49- Well, poppy farmers. You will fit right in.- Categorically not.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- I throw in gold bazooka.- No.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:14:15 > 0:14:18He is happy to meet with you again.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:14:22 > 0:14:23They heard about the robot.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Hashtag fail.
0:14:29 > 0:14:39HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:14:39 > 0:14:40- They know where it is.- Really?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43We can't go and get it, Towerblock. It'll be a come-on.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Find out where it is though. Show some willing.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48And tell them about the school.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Sure you don't want to try this kebab, boss? It's delicious.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Um, sorry, Rocket, I've got a personal rule -
0:14:54 > 0:14:57never take gastronomic advice from a Scotsman.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00They are very happy that the British are concerned
0:15:00 > 0:15:02for the education of their children.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06- Good, now ask them about the Beetle.- Yes, I have.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07But they don't want you to go away hungry.
0:15:07 > 0:15:13They have reserved a special dish for their most honoured guest.
0:15:16 > 0:15:23- The eyeballs and testicles of the sheep.- Oh, dear.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Jesus, I wouldn't eat those.
0:15:29 > 0:15:34HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:15:34 > 0:15:38He says food first, then you can talk about the Beetle.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53This is very nice.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- So, Um, about the Beetle?- Oh.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00They have not seen one.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Bird.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Ah, Doctor Who?
0:16:10 > 0:16:11No, don't mind me.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14It's a good episode and you're probably going to talk all over it.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17- Ma'am.- No, I'm not.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Although I could do with a TARDIS right now.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23- Go back in time and change a few things.- Can't do that.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25You'd create a temporal paradox. Terrible idea.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I only want to change one thing.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Even the smallest thing can destroy your entire future.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32That's what... Oh... Oh!
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Sorry, Bird. I'm sorry... Ooh! Just being silly.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42I can't talk to anyone else.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46I knew this day would come. Full-on girly chats, waterworks. Bollocks!
0:16:46 > 0:16:50I just... Argh! I blame myself.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56Yeah, I blame you as well. Look, what do you want from Nick?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58I want things to go back to before.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59- SHE MOCKS BUZZER - No, you don't.
0:16:59 > 0:17:04- Eh?- You want Nick to have fallen in love with you.- No, I don't!
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Pretty sure you do.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11- Nick Medhurst only loves one person- Oh!
0:17:11 > 0:17:14- Nick Medhurst.- Which is why nothing ever touches him.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17He's all like, "Yeah, why not - could be fun." And it IS fun.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19- For him.- Right.
0:17:22 > 0:17:27- Bird, do you think he'll ever change?- No. Do you?- Ye... Yeah...
0:17:27 > 0:17:28- SHE MIMICS BUZZER - But...
0:17:28 > 0:17:29- SHE MIMICS BUZZER - Maybe...
0:17:29 > 0:17:33- SHE MIMICS BUZZER - Bird, you are terrible at girly chats.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I try to be.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Come on, guys. Shout's on.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Oooh! Circle.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13All right, boss. All done. We've double-checked.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Cos I know you've got a fan in the Taliban.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- Ooh. Rhymed.- Just my luck.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- Now, off you fuck.- Oh, very good.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24Oh.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- CQ give you a rifle then, skip?- Yes.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Did he make you Twat Of The Week? - No.- How come? You pay him off?
0:18:42 > 0:18:46Well, you remember the home-made fudge that Charlotte used to send me?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48- HE GIGGLES - Fudge.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50It's not funny.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52We were together for 14 years.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56And for how many of those years did she give you fudge?
0:18:56 > 0:18:58He's charging me one box every six hours.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01If I don't pay, I'm on the Twat Of The Week board.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- Is he allowed to do that?- He can do what he wants. He's toying with me.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06I've only got four boxes left.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08- HE GIGGLES - Toying with your fudge.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11THEY GIGGLE
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Well, here's a thing.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- This device was made by my bezza in the Taliban.- Your Talibezza.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29That's... Graham's track.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33Used to make the pressure plate. Low metal.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Cheeky bastards cannibalising the robot for parts.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38God, it's like a hostage situation where they send you the fingers of a loved one.
0:19:38 > 0:19:40So, if the bomber's got the robot...?
0:19:40 > 0:19:43What say we go ring his doorbell, but instead of running off,
0:19:43 > 0:19:46blow down the door, pile in and see who he is.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49- Fucking come on!- And then kick the shit out of him.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50That would be unprofessional.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Boss, you're not going to do anything stupid, are you?
0:19:53 > 0:19:56It's a bit late for that, Bird. I came here to pull bombs out of the ground.
0:19:56 > 0:20:00But the only reason the bombs are in the ground in the first place is cos I came here.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02It's all pretty fucking stupid.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Oooh, fudge!
0:20:16 > 0:20:19No, it's my last box and it's for CQMS.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I need that gun for the overnight raid.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24Skip, just be Twat Of The Week. It's only a week.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Everyone thinks you're a twat anyway, so...
0:20:26 > 0:20:30This operation could get really kinetic. Properly...kinetic.
0:20:30 > 0:20:31Fucking hope so.
0:20:31 > 0:20:36I just don't want Nick thinking that I can't protect him.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- Maybe you'll find your retaining-pin, skip. Drink your tea.- Aye.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- Things are always in the last place you look.- Nah, it's gone.
0:20:48 > 0:20:52Never mind. Hey! Drink your tea.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I'm just sorry I thought it was you two.
0:20:54 > 0:20:59- Because you are better than that. - Aye. Drink your tea.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03HE CHOKES
0:21:03 > 0:21:06What the fuck was that?! What did I just swallow?
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- Firing-pin-retaining-pin, skip. - What?! So you did fucking nick it!
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- No, we never!- So what was that?! - We found it!- Bollocks!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Why didn't you just give it to me? - Cos you don't trust us.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- If we just handed it over, you'd say we'd stolen it.- No, I wouldn't.
0:21:21 > 0:21:26But we just did hand it over and you did say we'd stolen it. Case closed.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Ah-ha!
0:21:28 > 0:21:32Right. I'm organising a trip to a quiet place in the country.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Which we're going to slightly blow up.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38We go in at 0300, so total radio silence at 0230.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41This gives us the added advantage that we won't be able to hear
0:21:41 > 0:21:43any of Sergeant Hogg's shit jokes.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46So, let's get them all out the way now.
0:21:46 > 0:21:51Ladies, gentleman and engineers, Search Team Leader Sergeant Hogg.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55So, here's the compound we're looking at. Entrances here and here.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33There's a mine in the doorway, so that's out.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36This wall looks good but I want to clear along the top first.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01GUNSHOT
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Medic!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Go, go, go!
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Shit! GUNFIRE
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- Right, nobody touch a fucking thing! Simon, get the search team.- Boss.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38We need a full fingertip search.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Everything could be booby-trapped.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Yeah. This is him.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Not necessarily, boss.
0:23:45 > 0:23:50- I mean, how much orange wire is there in the world?- No, I know it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- Boss, it might not be him. - This is him, all right.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- He's been doing this for years. - We're secure.- How's Hogg?- Fucked.
0:23:57 > 0:24:01- On a chopper. Still breathing. Losing blood.- Shit. SHIT!
0:24:02 > 0:24:05When I get my fucking hands on this guy I'm going to...
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Boss...he was trying to run away.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18This is him?
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Fuck's sake.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25What am I going to do now?
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Find out who his favourite member of One Direction is?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33- How old is he?- 17. So?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35You made all these?
0:24:40 > 0:24:41Just take him away.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52KNOCK AT DOOR
0:24:55 > 0:24:56- So you got him, then?- Yeah.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03I thought there'd be this big moment,
0:25:03 > 0:25:06you know, when we're face to face and I say...
0:25:06 > 0:25:10I dunno. Or I'd hit him or something.
0:25:10 > 0:25:11I sound like a dick.
0:25:11 > 0:25:15- And how do you feel now?- Honestly?
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I feel nothing. Just. nothing.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Just...empty.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Is there anything I can do for you?
0:25:39 > 0:25:40No, we can't.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46- Just thought it might be fun.- Who for?
0:25:53 > 0:25:55I dunno.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06OK. Good meeting, everyone.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22- You been Valloning your own shit again, Corporal?- Yes.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- Do you find your retaining-pin?- No.
0:26:24 > 0:26:30Did you do a fingertip search as well?
0:26:30 > 0:26:32Yes.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I've got two hours before the fudge runs out and I'm Twat Of The Week.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Well, next time, you'll know to trust your men.
0:26:37 > 0:26:42- No, cos next time Mac will nick it. - Aye. I probably will.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- It'll turn up eventually. - Well, let's hope so,
0:26:45 > 0:26:48because there's a limit to how much of my own shit I will search through.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Out of interest, Simon, how much shit is that?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53Actually, I'd rather not know.
0:26:53 > 0:26:57But I am keen to discover the rationale behind your faecal trawlings.
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Sir, through a series of...
0:26:59 > 0:27:03unfortunate events, I swallowed by firing-pin-retaining-pin.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Oh, dear. Those things are like hen's teeth.
0:27:06 > 0:27:09Nick, Simon's swallowed his firing-pin-retaining-pin.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Been going through his shit to try and recover it. Resourceful.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15You should have said so. I always carry a spare.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Anyway, just wanted to congratulate you on the raid. A great success.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24And we've heard that Sergeant Hogg has stabilised.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Poor chap's lost the eye but otherwise doing OK.
0:27:26 > 0:27:30- Thank God for that.- Guys, we've won a competition.- Have we?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Yeah, we won a trip to see a suspected IED in Yellow 1A. Woo(!)
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Well, carry on.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48Lost an eye. Poor fucker.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52But on the plus side, half-price sunglasses.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55And the Annual Wedge fancy-dress ball, he can come as a pirate.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59Maybe he could get a bionic eye - see through walls.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03- Oh, that'd be fucking mint! - Still, he's got his crown jewels.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04What more does he want?
0:28:04 > 0:28:07I know it's your dream to have more balls than eyes, Mac,
0:28:07 > 0:28:09but maybe Sergeant Hogg...
0:28:26 > 0:28:31RADIO: 'Bluestone 42? Bluestone 42?
0:28:31 > 0:28:34'Bluestone 42, respond.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36'Bluestone 42, nothing heard, answer me.
0:28:36 > 0:28:40'Charlie Charlie One, this is Zero Alpha Two One Alpha Two Two Alpha,
0:28:40 > 0:28:43'establish point of co-ordinates...'