0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I'm not a punter. Never have been, never will be. I look round Broughty Ferry and I see the punters,
0:00:09 > 0:00:12and I think, "Well... "Good luck to you, lads.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15"But you're not my gang." I'm not one for name-dropping,
0:00:15 > 0:00:19but I look at your Obamas and your Gandhis and your Burt Reynolds,
0:00:19 > 0:00:23and I think, "That's my mob.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26"That's my mob right there."
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Because being a man isn't about having a nice extension
0:00:30 > 0:00:34or snazzy clothes or being able to send a message with your eyes.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37Don't get me wrong, these things help.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41But it is also important to know your way around an anecdote
0:00:41 > 0:00:43and have a decent walk.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Well, I've got those arrows in my knapsack,
0:00:46 > 0:00:51and now, with this by-election, I've got the chance to use them.
0:00:53 > 0:00:57This is my Ben Nevis, or my Everest,
0:00:57 > 0:00:59or that mountain in America
0:00:59 > 0:01:02where they've carved all the presidents' penises.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05And you know what, Frank?
0:01:05 > 0:01:06You know what?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08It's like we're on a train.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11We've got the sun on our faces and a clear track ahead.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I'm the driver, you're the chief engineer.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19And if I may, can I ask you to start shovelling the coal?
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Yes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24What I'm saying to you, Frank, is...
0:01:24 > 0:01:27And I think it's all been relatively clear,
0:01:27 > 0:01:30that it's time to start the engines.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Full steam ahead!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42KNOCKS AT WINDOW
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Hey, Georgie!
0:02:00 > 0:02:03Campaign launch day.
0:02:03 > 0:02:04Pick up posters,
0:02:04 > 0:02:07meet young voters,
0:02:07 > 0:02:10and go on Broughty FM.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- What about Edwards? - Well, he's not here for a week.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Oh, well, that's a mistake.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16You should always be at the party first.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Early if possible.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Oh, no, no, no.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Frank, not early, no.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21That's a cry for help.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22So...
0:02:22 > 0:02:24The young voters, they're vital.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26We get the message to a few of them,
0:02:26 > 0:02:28they phone the Internet,
0:02:28 > 0:02:30tell their pals,
0:02:30 > 0:02:32and the word starts spreading.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Like, er...
0:02:34 > 0:02:35- Like, er...- Birds?
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Waves.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I tell you what, let's give them a wee laugh.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42Bring that hat. HE CHUCKLES
0:02:42 > 0:02:44The one you got in Magaluf. HE LAUGHS
0:02:44 > 0:02:45- Oh no!- Well...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- I'm not sure about that.- Oh no, no! - They'll love it, they'll love it. BOB LAUGHS
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Well, come on.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Let's see the posters.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54Yes, we'd better get them down to the High Street ASAP.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Just to remind the people that I...
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Sweet Jesus!
0:03:04 > 0:03:05No?
0:03:05 > 0:03:07Why are you doing this to me?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Well...
0:03:09 > 0:03:10Well, that's...
0:03:10 > 0:03:12You know, that... That's what you said you wanted.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15I wanted the posters to send that message.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Well, you're...
0:03:17 > 0:03:20You're not going to send it much better than that. I mean...
0:03:20 > 0:03:22I mean, this...
0:03:22 > 0:03:23This sends it.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Exactly.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Mmmm...
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Where's the taxi?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Any minute.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Did you tell them a woman's about to have a baby?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- No.- Always tell them a woman's about to have a baby.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42They come straight away.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43HORN HONKS
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Oh, here it is!
0:03:46 > 0:03:47Give me a break.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50This isn't exactly Air Force One, is it?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51KNOCKS AT WINDOW
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Er...
0:03:54 > 0:03:56A woman's just had a baby.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02- RADIO:- 'OK, Sadie.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04'Ready for your last question?
0:04:04 > 0:04:08- 'Yeah!'- 'If I was standing under the Arc de Triomphe...
0:04:09 > 0:04:11'Where would I be?'
0:04:11 > 0:04:13- Tour de France.- 'Paris?'
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- 'Correct!'- 'Ah, no way!'
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- 'Correct, Sadie!' - 'Thank you so much!'
0:04:18 > 0:04:21'No problem at all, Sadie. Time for a blast of something soothing,
0:04:21 > 0:04:23'and then I'll be talking to a man who wants your vote.'
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Showtime.
0:04:26 > 0:04:27We're ready for you now, Mr Servant.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Are you now?- 'And now, the weather.'
0:04:31 > 0:04:34'A cold front is moving in from the east,
0:04:34 > 0:04:36'but most of the day will be sunny with occasional showers.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39'And now back to Anders in the Afternoon.'
0:04:39 > 0:04:40How you doing, Anders?
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Ladies and gentlemen,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45something strange is happening at the moment in Broughty Ferry.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Leaflets, adverts, posters...
0:04:47 > 0:04:50It can only mean one thing - yes, it's election time.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52But not just any election -
0:04:52 > 0:04:55it's Broughty Ferry's very own by-election,
0:04:55 > 0:04:58so over the next five weeks we'll be meeting all the candidates
0:04:58 > 0:05:00here on Anders in the Afternoon.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03But first up, I'd like to introduce someone who's...
0:05:03 > 0:05:05- a little bit different. - Thank you, Anders.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Because he's not a politician,
0:05:08 > 0:05:12and he's not flown up from the ivory towers of Westminster.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14It is in fact local businessman,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Bob Servant.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Hello, Anders.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Big fan of the show.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, buttering me up already, eh?
0:05:21 > 0:05:22No, no, I'm not.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24That was just a joke.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Politics is not a joking matter, Anders.
0:05:27 > 0:05:28It's people's lives.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29OK. So...
0:05:29 > 0:05:31When a lot of people will hear the name Bob Servant,
0:05:31 > 0:05:34they'll think of Broughty Ferry's own Cheeseburger Wars,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37which, I think it's fair to say, Bob, you did rather well out of.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Well, you know, Anders, what I like to say is,
0:05:40 > 0:05:42don't call it the Cheeseburger Wars.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Call it the Cheeseburger Massacre.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48BOB CHUCKLES
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You can't just nod, mate, it's the radio.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56OK, so, Bob...
0:05:56 > 0:05:59You're asking us to vote for you in this by-election.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Why?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03I'm what is known as an independent candidate, Anders,
0:06:03 > 0:06:05which means I don't support
0:06:05 > 0:06:07what are known as the traditional political parties.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09I'm familiar with the concept.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12And having an independent candidate has never been done in an election.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14I'm pretty sure it has, Bob.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Well, only in films.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Er...
0:06:20 > 0:06:22Broughty Ferry's been good to me, Anders,
0:06:22 > 0:06:25and it's time for me to be good to Broughty Ferry.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Well, you're certainly going to spice things up
0:06:28 > 0:06:31in this by-election, Bob, I am pretty certain of that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34So what say we hit the phones and meet the voters?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Absolutely, and don't screen the calls.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Throw me some grenades!- Ha ha, OK.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43Fighting talk there from independent candidate Bob Servant.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45And I'm sure you're going to be facing tough questions today
0:06:45 > 0:06:49on the budget deficit, immigration, and, of course, the NHS.
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Oh.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I thought it'd about local stuff.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Well, everything's local in politics, isn't it?
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Is it?
0:06:58 > 0:07:02OK, so first up, we have Carol from Maryfield Road. Carol.
0:07:02 > 0:07:04'I'd like to know what the candidate would do
0:07:04 > 0:07:06'to help bring down the national debt.'
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Good question.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10The national debt, which was, at the last count..?
0:07:14 > 0:07:16'It's over a trillion pounds, Anders.'
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Correct.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20So, Mr Servant, one trillion pounds,
0:07:20 > 0:07:22what are you going to do to sort that out?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Well, I think...
0:07:24 > 0:07:27we should all just tighten our belts a little bit.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31That's...your entire policy?
0:07:31 > 0:07:32No, I've not finished.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I'm not one of those guys, and there's plenty of them out there,
0:07:35 > 0:07:36who are down on the binmen.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39I mean, granted, they do make a lot of noise,
0:07:39 > 0:07:41but you cannae drive a lorry and empty bins and not make noise.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43I mean, it's like asking a rock and roll drummer
0:07:43 > 0:07:46to go out there, do rock and roll, and not make a noise.
0:07:46 > 0:07:47It's ridiculous. Next call.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51OK, we've got Stewart from West Ferry. Stewart?
0:07:51 > 0:07:54'Hi, I called last week about the dog mess in Dawson Park.'
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Carry on, Stewart!
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Poo. Dawson Park. - 'Well, I live next to Dawson Park,
0:07:58 > 0:08:00'and I can't even take my kids there because of the dog mess.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03- 'It's disgusting.'- Stewart...
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I'm an independent candidate,
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I make independent decisions,
0:08:07 > 0:08:09so here's one I think you're going to like.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14No more dogs in Dawson Park.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15There you go, done.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- 'What, really?'- Er, that would be a council decision, surely?- Oh...
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Don't worry about the council, I'm primae noctis on this one.
0:08:21 > 0:08:25If I win the by-election, all dogs will be banned from Dawson Park.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- Bob, I really don't think this is... - So, Stewart,
0:08:27 > 0:08:31You and the little ones can roll around in the grass once again
0:08:31 > 0:08:33without the least concern.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34And, and...
0:08:34 > 0:08:38If you'll have me, I'll be rolling along right beside you.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40'That's fantastic! So that's definite?'
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Signed, sealed, delivered. Ah!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- Well...- Eh, Frank?!
0:08:45 > 0:08:48It's explosive stuff here on Anders in the Afternoon.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52Um... Next up, we've got Joan from Barnhill. Joan.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56'I don't know if this is something your guest can help with,
0:08:56 > 0:08:58'but I got a very unfair parking ticket.'
0:08:58 > 0:09:02- Joan, Joan... Parking tickets isn't the kind of thing...- Whoa-oh.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Let's hear it, Joan.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10'I came out of the dry cleaners down at Brook Street.'
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Oh, I know the one.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13'And there was a traffic warden at my car.'
0:09:13 > 0:09:14Looking pleased with himself?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16'He was looking pleased with himself.'
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Ah, surprise, surprise.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21'He'd given me a ticket, but I was only three hours over.'
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Three hours?
0:09:22 > 0:09:26That's nit-picking, Joan, and I won't have it. Not on my watch.
0:09:26 > 0:09:30Hang on the line, hen, my campaign manager will be with you directly.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32And we could probably throw in a disabled parking badge as well.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34There's a guy in Whitfield has a printer...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I think at this stage I should say
0:09:36 > 0:09:39that Broughty FM takes no responsibility
0:09:39 > 0:09:40for any advice given out by guests.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43Next up, we've got Cathy from Fairfield Road. Cathy.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46'How on earth can you ban dogs from Dawson Park?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48'I walk mine there every day.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51'I clear up after him along with the vast majority of dog owners,
0:09:51 > 0:09:52'so why the hell should we get banned
0:09:52 > 0:09:54because of the actions of others?'
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Do you want to take this one?
0:09:58 > 0:09:59It's all yours.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Er...
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Cathy...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07What would it take for you to walk your dog somewhere else?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- 'Why should I?! I'd have to drive...'- A number, a number.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Cathy, Cathy, Cathy, I'm looking for a number.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- 'What, you mean...money?'- Yep.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17- 'But how..?'- Five grand?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- '£5,000?'- Five large ones.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- 'Well...that, er... Yes, I could probably...'- Deal!
0:10:22 > 0:10:27And that would apply to every dog walker in Dawson Park?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Absolutely, a one time payment of £5,000. Cash.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Next!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Er, next up, we've got Alan from Lochee. Alan.
0:10:34 > 0:10:38'Hi, I just heard the woman with the parking ticket.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40'I received this speeding fine the other day...'
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Did you hit anything, Alan?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44'Er... Well, not really.'
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Alan...
0:10:45 > 0:10:46'Yes?'
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Rip it up.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- 'Pardon?'- Rip it up!
0:10:50 > 0:10:52'But... It says, "Possible imprisonment."'
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- What you got?- Tom from Monifieth.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58'I own a dog, I walk it in Dawson Park,
0:10:58 > 0:11:00'and whether or not this moron wins the election,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03'I will be walking it in Dawson Park in five weeks' time.'
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Oh, you will, will you?!
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Absolutely.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Well, you'll regret it.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Or more accurately, your dog'll regret it.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11'What do you mean?'
0:11:11 > 0:11:13I'll shoot it.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15'You'll shoot my dog?'
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- Bang, bang.- OK, going to have to stop it there, guys.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Ho ho!- Thanks for all your calls folks, time for some music.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22BOB LAUGHS
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Well done, Bob.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Cheers, Frank, cheers.
0:11:34 > 0:11:35It was a team effort.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37To a degree.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42What a start.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44So...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47You don't know anything about fraudulent disabled parking badges?
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Nope.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51When you said...
0:11:51 > 0:11:54"There's a guy in Whitfield with a printer"..?
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Ahhh...
0:11:55 > 0:11:57I was getting confused.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58- With what?- Er...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00With something I saw on Watchdog.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02- Nothing there.- I told you.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03You don't own a gun?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Course not.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09So when you said you would shoot local domestic pets..?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10That was a metaphor.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12A metaphor?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13For what?
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Life.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Mr Servant...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19We don't like receiving calls
0:12:19 > 0:12:23to say someone is declaring criminal acts on local radio.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Is that clear? - Fair enough, fair enough.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Chase the real criminals sort of thing, right, yeah.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Good, yeah, good, got that.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30Yeah.
0:12:30 > 0:12:31Today's a warning.
0:12:32 > 0:12:36But we'll be watching your campaign with interest.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41And so will we.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43OK, boys?
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Break a leg.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49You see what's happening, Frank?
0:12:49 > 0:12:52The powers that be don't want an independent candidate.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- It upsets the apple cart.- They're just trying to Birmingham Six you.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57And they couldn't even bring themselves
0:12:57 > 0:12:59to say something about the extension.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Pathetic.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06So how do you become a campaign manager?
0:13:08 > 0:13:12Well, I was 30 years in Bob's cheeseburger vans.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13I see.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Director of sauces.
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Mustards...
0:13:19 > 0:13:21Ketchup...
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Brown.
0:13:24 > 0:13:25I mean, I...
0:13:25 > 0:13:26That's...
0:13:26 > 0:13:28That's just how I got into it, I...
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I don't know if that's the usual route, you know?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Those toilets are tiny.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37How many students will I be talking to?
0:13:37 > 0:13:3810.
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Oh, depends what time the party finished last night, eh?
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- HE LAUGHS - Erm...
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- Give us the hat.- Bob, I don't... - Give us the hat!
0:13:50 > 0:13:51This will take the roof off.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53BOB LAUGHS
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Calm down, children!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02What's this?
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- I tried to tell you. - I wanted young voters, Frank.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Not the fuckin' Secret Seven.
0:14:07 > 0:14:08Mr Servant...
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Hello, children.
0:14:15 > 0:14:16- CHILDREN:- Hello!
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Do you like children?
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Absolutely, I'm a family man.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23How many kids do you have?
0:14:23 > 0:14:24None.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25But I like families.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Boys and girls...
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Now here's what I want youse to do.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34I want youse to go home tonight and send a message to your parents.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38- You all know your parents? CHILDREN:- Yes.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41- Could be orphans. - Well, they could be.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Guys, any orphans?
0:14:43 > 0:14:45What's an orphan?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49No-one here is an orphan. Mr Servant, please!
0:14:49 > 0:14:53All I'm saying is, tell your parents, or your Mother Superior,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55or whoever it is that looks after you,
0:14:55 > 0:14:57to vote for Bob Servant.
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Mr Servant,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01I was hoping you could explain to the children about the by-election
0:15:01 > 0:15:04- and how you came to stand in it. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, I will, I will!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I'm just warming them up.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Boys and girls...
0:15:09 > 0:15:11I was standing in my extension.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12I was listening to the radio.
0:15:12 > 0:15:18And they said that Broughty Ferry's MP had...
0:15:21 > 0:15:24- Died.- No...
0:15:24 > 0:15:26- He wasn't dead.- Oh, yes!
0:15:26 > 0:15:29He was decapitated in a car crash on the A90.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32He wasn't dead.
0:15:32 > 0:15:33He just...
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Can't do his job any more.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Because his legs fell off.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- And his head.- What?- Mr Servant!
0:15:42 > 0:15:43What's wrong with you?!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- They didn't like the leg stuff either.- Mr Servant.- OK, OK.
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Calm down, calm down.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50I was listening to the radio,
0:15:50 > 0:15:54and they said that Broughty Ferry's MP had gone away,
0:15:54 > 0:15:55and there was going to be a by-election,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58and I thought, "Well, this is a real kick in the chestnuts
0:15:58 > 0:16:01"for the poor boy's family. I hope they bounce back ASAP."
0:16:01 > 0:16:06And I thought, "Well, you know, this might be a wee chance for me."
0:16:06 > 0:16:08As you all know, I am a bit of a face locally.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I mean, I've got a few quid, I've got opinions,
0:16:11 > 0:16:13and then the wheels, you know, start...
0:16:13 > 0:16:14Children, a by-election is...
0:16:14 > 0:16:18A by-election is where the Prime Minister
0:16:18 > 0:16:22asks the people of Broughty Ferry who their favourite person is.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- Well...- One man, one vote.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26One PERSON.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Democracy, just like every country in the world.
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Not every country.
0:16:29 > 0:16:33So, I want all of youse to go home tonight,
0:16:33 > 0:16:37to go out there and spread the word, put the pressure on.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41Tell your parents, vote Bob Servant or you'll run away from home.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- Make it personal.- OK, Mr Servant, thanks for coming in.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Right, boys and girls.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48After three, "Vote for Bob Servant."
0:16:48 > 0:16:50One, two, three..!
0:16:54 > 0:16:57Well done, Frank, that was a complete Hiroshima.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59That was just a warm-up, Bob.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03Why have we got this guy again?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Well...
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I've paid him for the day.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10Never, ever, pay them for the day.
0:17:10 > 0:17:11They get complacent.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Same with gardeners.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Right, Frank.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21It's time to show Broughty Ferry what we're all about.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23We're going to hit them with a PR blitz.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- PR?- Public relations.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Everything's PR, Frank. PR.
0:17:29 > 0:17:33Why do you think a bus driver doesn't drink on the job any more?
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Health and safety?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36PR!
0:17:36 > 0:17:39It's about creating a public image.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Burying the bad news.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44When Cliff Richard poisoned that ball boy at Wimbledon,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47next day, just brought out a new pop record and it was all forgotten.
0:17:47 > 0:17:48You see?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Well, not really.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Why do celebrities adopt babies?
0:17:53 > 0:17:57Or "accidentally" walk into supermarkets without their pants on?
0:17:59 > 0:18:00PR?
0:18:00 > 0:18:02You got there, Frank.
0:18:02 > 0:18:07Now you get the posters sorted, and I'll go and press some punter flesh.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Hello!
0:18:08 > 0:18:09Bob Servant, independent.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20OK, lads.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Bob Servant, independent, standing in the by-election.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- So you're up against this guy, then?- Unbelievable.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29The boy's not even here yet and he's throwing his money about.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Got good posters, though.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Mugabe's got good posters.
0:19:00 > 0:19:01Hello.
0:19:01 > 0:19:02All right?
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Bob Servant, independent, standing in the by-election.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06OK.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13Have I got your vote?
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Well...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17I don't know.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19I just walked all the way out here.
0:19:19 > 0:19:20I've not decided yet.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- What you doing? - Waiting for you to decide.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33- I'm trying to fish here!- Fine.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Put you down as a maybe.
0:19:38 > 0:19:39Hi there! Will you be voting?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44All set, lads? Off to the disco?
0:19:54 > 0:19:55BOB SIGHS
0:19:57 > 0:20:01Frank, you remember when I was a member of Very Good Video?
0:20:01 > 0:20:02Oh, like it was yesterday.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04I know the rest of youse were members of Blockbusters,
0:20:04 > 0:20:06the big boys.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08You used to slag me off something rotten.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Because I'd defend Very Good Video.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12I mean, I'd defend them like a... Like a...
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- A lion.- A lion, aye. Like a lion.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18One day, I cancelled my membership to Very Good Video,
0:20:18 > 0:20:20and joined Blockbusters. And bang!
0:20:20 > 0:20:24I could see straight away that Very Good Video were absolute shite.
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Oh, terrible.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Well, it's like the public.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29You know, when I was a member of the public, I used to think,
0:20:29 > 0:20:32"Well, they're not bad. You know, they're good." I'd defend them.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33But now I'm a politician,
0:20:33 > 0:20:36I look at the public, and I see them for the bunch of selfish...
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Oh, hello!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- PHONE RINGS - Did you tell my daughter she was an orphan?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Frank speaking.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44On, no. No, I said she wasn't an orphan.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Who said she was?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47The ginger boy.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50There was a ginger boy in your class, wasn't there?
0:20:50 > 0:20:51There you go.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Nasty piece of work.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55Do you know where this kid lives?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Vote for Bob Servant.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02That was the radio station.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04They want us back in!
0:21:04 > 0:21:05I'm not surprised.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11They probably want me on as a disc jockey.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13You know, shoot from the hip, that kind of thing.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15I would say it's good for a campaign.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Well, we'll see what they're offering.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19DOGS BARK
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Go and get him, then!
0:21:23 > 0:21:24Bring him out!
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Boo boys!
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Are you going to shoot my dog?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31You! Round the back! Now!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37MUSIC: "Who Let The Dogs Out?" by Baha Men
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Who? Who? Who?
0:21:41 > 0:21:46Now, ladies and gentlemen, before I wrap up this evening,
0:21:46 > 0:21:48I think it's fair to say that this afternoon's show
0:21:48 > 0:21:50stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest
0:21:50 > 0:21:54after comments from by-election candidate Bob Servant.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56But we made a quick call, and I'm very pleased to say
0:21:56 > 0:21:59that we've actually got the man in question back in the studio.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03So, um... Bob, thanks for coming back in.
0:22:03 > 0:22:06Well, as it happens, I was just passing by.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You must have had a bit of a strange day.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- I've had stranger. - Well, I'm not sure we have,
0:22:10 > 0:22:14after hundreds of complaints and people protesting outside,
0:22:14 > 0:22:18so I think I'd like to start by clarifying an important point.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20On behalf of everyone here at Broughty FM,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24we'd like to reassure the dog owners of Broughty Ferry
0:22:24 > 0:22:27that no dogs will be executed
0:22:27 > 0:22:29no matter who wins the forthcoming by-election.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Bob, I'm sure you'd like to back me up on that.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33Anders...
0:22:33 > 0:22:34I just want to say
0:22:34 > 0:22:37on behalf of Bob Servant independent campaign team...
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Well done.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42And thank you for that.
0:22:42 > 0:22:47I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that you chose, for whatever reason,
0:22:47 > 0:22:52to sensationalise the comments I made earlier today about dogs.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53And clearly, clearly...
0:22:53 > 0:22:56There's been a wee bit of Chinese whispers since then.
0:22:56 > 0:22:59But would just like to say to the people of Broughty Ferry:
0:23:01 > 0:23:03People of Broughty Ferry,
0:23:03 > 0:23:08If I am elected your MP, and I suspect anyone,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11anyone, of even considering harming a dog,
0:23:11 > 0:23:14then that person will be arrested on the spot.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- All right, come on, Bob, that is rid...- Furthermore,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I had a meeting with the police earlier today
0:23:19 > 0:23:25on this very subject, and we found ourselves in broad agreement.
0:23:25 > 0:23:30Broughty Ferry's dogs can sleep soundly in their cages tonight.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Right, I'm sorry, Bob, erm...
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Forgive my confusion on this matter,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35but was it not actually you who suggested...
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Anders, when you're in the middle of a political campaign,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39you do what is called testing the waters.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I mean, you come up with a policy and you see how the public react.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I mean, look at the...
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Look at the poll tax or the Iraq War.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49I mean, that's what the government did, they tested the waters,
0:23:49 > 0:23:51the public said no and the government said,
0:23:51 > 0:23:53"Fine, forget it, we were only joking anyway."
0:23:53 > 0:23:56I mean, that's politics, Anders, that's the name of the game.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Now, whatever the game is,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00I don't think you'll be getting many votes from dog owners.
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Well, that's ridiculous.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Absolutely ridiculous.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Considering...
0:24:05 > 0:24:06I'm a dog owner myself.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Oh, really? What's it called?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09Dancer.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Dancer? Well, um...
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Maybe tomorrow you could take Dancer out when you're campaigning
0:24:13 > 0:24:15in Broughty Ferry, that'd be a really nice touch.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Well, I wish I could, Anders.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I wish I could, but, er...
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Unfortunately, er...
0:24:23 > 0:24:24Dancer ran away.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26- Ran away? When?- Yesterday. - Ah, yesterday.
0:24:26 > 0:24:29Well... Why don't we see if we can't get him back for you?
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Perhaps you'd like to put out an appeal
0:24:31 > 0:24:34right now live on Broughty FM?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35All right.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Er, well...
0:24:44 > 0:24:45I...
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Dancer...
0:24:47 > 0:24:50I'd just like to say all is forgiven.
0:24:50 > 0:24:51Come home.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Daddy misses you.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59And do you have a description of Dancer?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00Oh, he just loves life.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Loves it.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Barking and running about.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06In fact, clearly he likes running about a bit too much,
0:25:06 > 0:25:08seeing as he's run away.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11I was thinking more of a physical description.
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Aye. Well, um...
0:25:12 > 0:25:13About a metre long.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Er...
0:25:15 > 0:25:17Kind face.
0:25:17 > 0:25:18Tail.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19Any last words, Bob?
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Yes.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Vote for Bob Servant,
0:25:23 > 0:25:28and send a message to Westminster to leave our dogs alone.
0:25:28 > 0:25:29RADIO JINGLE PLAYS
0:25:29 > 0:25:31'Next up on Broughty FM...'
0:25:33 > 0:25:35Going to the dogs.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- Sorry?- I should have said something about going to the dogs.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- We'll have to go back. - And how would we do that?
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Well, just rewind it.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44HE LAUGHS
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Rewind it!
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Rewind it!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47- Aye, rewind it.- Just rewind it.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Just... Just rewind, Rewind it!
0:25:49 > 0:25:50Go back.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52You can go back.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55DOGS BARK
0:26:00 > 0:26:02This is demeaning.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04I'm not taking you otherwise.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06They'll set the dogs on me.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Will, er... you be voting, folks?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11We will now.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Great.
0:26:49 > 0:26:50# On the road again
0:26:52 > 0:26:54# Just can't wait to get on the road again
0:26:56 > 0:27:00# The life I love is making music with my friends
0:27:00 > 0:27:02# And I can't wait to get on the road again
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# On the road again
0:27:07 > 0:27:10# Goin' places that I've never been
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# Seein' things that I may never see again
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# And I can't wait to get on the road again
0:27:19 > 0:27:21# On the road again
0:27:21 > 0:27:25# Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway
0:27:25 > 0:27:27# We're the best of friends
0:27:28 > 0:27:31# Insisting that the world keep turning our way
0:27:32 > 0:27:34# And our way
0:27:34 > 0:27:36# Is on the road again
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# Just can't wait to get on the road again
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# The life I love is makin' music with my friends
0:27:45 > 0:27:48# And I can't wait to get on the road again. #
0:27:51 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd