0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Do you know who this place reminds me of? Daley Thompson.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Summer of 1980.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11Daley Thompson got a gold medal in Moscow.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15- We got an airport in Broughty Ferry. - LORRY BEEPS
0:00:15 > 0:00:17And the boo boys didnae like that.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Och, the boo boys didnae like anything.
0:00:19 > 0:00:24They said no-one would use this place, but now...three flights a week to London!
0:00:24 > 0:00:29Twice a fortnight to Manchester, and Belfast every other month!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30That shut them up.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Well, that's what we're faced with, you see?
0:00:32 > 0:00:37When you show ambition in Broughty Ferry, people drag ye down.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I get it all the time because of the extension.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- People call me flashy or... - Arrogant.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- Too successful or... - Fantasist.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- Who called me that? - PLANE PASSES OVERHEAD
0:00:46 > 0:00:48- Oh!- Oh!
0:00:48 > 0:00:50Did you see that?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Hey, Georgie!
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- I didn't think they'd be so...young.- Sexy.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28Young. No, no, yeah, I meant to say young.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Young's fine. Naive, no experience.
0:01:34 > 0:01:35There's a lot of them, though, Bob.
0:01:35 > 0:01:40Ah, well, you take care of the backing band, Frank. I'll take care of Elvis.
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Is that the Lady Provost?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Oh, aye.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Mm.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Showing off her special necklace.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50Let's roll.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56LOW CHATTER
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Nice and easy.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03You're just a man driving a taxi.
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Have you ever tailed anyone before, pal? We should be two cars back.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22We should be using stolen numberplates.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- BUMP - That's bank robbers, Frank.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Have you not got a spare shirt?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Why would I have a spare shirt?- Swap with him.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Oh, Bob, no. I don't think he'd be up for it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39Of course he will. It's all part of the service. On you go.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- Er...excuse me. - We're not swapping shirts.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46This is what we're up against.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48SEAGULLS CRY
0:02:49 > 0:02:51You're too close!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54CHATTER INSIDE
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Are we ready to rock and roll? Let's have a round of applause.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- A round of applause for our interns.- Looks like a good atmosphere.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Nuremberg had a good atmosphere.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Didnae have photocopiers like that at Nuremberg.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- Thank God for that.- So, we've got four weeks to go, he couldn't be in better hands.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14We have faith in you. We trust you. Just get it right.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18- Right, OK, thank you so much.- Right, action stations.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21- That's the independent candidate.- Hi. Can I help you?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23No.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26But I can help you.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I'm Bob Servant.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31The independent candidate. Lovely to meet you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Oh, that's right.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35You're the, um... you're the dog man, aren't you?
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- The dog man? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.- That was...
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Well, you said you'd ban dogs?- Shoot dogs.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43Broughty Ferry FM. Heh! You know what they're like.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Ha-ha. No, not really. - Bunch of shock jocks.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Anyway...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Who is this lovely young lady?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Phillippa Edwards.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- Nick's wife. - Oh, wonderful.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Are you doing the sandwiches?- Er...no.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- I'm the campaign manager. - Oh, that's good of you.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03I've been my husband's political manager for ten years now.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Ah, no offence, but it's unusual
0:04:05 > 0:04:07for powerful men to take orders frae their wives.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- Er...Torvill and Dean? - Oh, Frank.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Frank, I mean,
0:04:12 > 0:04:15I know these two have been putting up posters like they own the place,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17but even they wouldn't be arrogant enough to claim
0:04:17 > 0:04:20that they are the new Torvill and Dean!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22That's not a claim we'll be making.
0:04:22 > 0:04:23Good.
0:04:23 > 0:04:27- And Frank's my campaign manager.- Ah.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29- He's no' my wife, though. - Ha-ha-ha.
0:04:29 > 0:04:32He's no' married. Through choice!
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Anyway, we just thought we'd say...hello,
0:04:37 > 0:04:41and if you need any help, I'm a big fish round here.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42- I'm sure. - So...
0:04:44 > 0:04:47Welcome to Broughty Ferry.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Welcome to politics.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Welcome...
0:04:51 > 0:04:53to Broughty Ferry.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- I'm doing the welcoming. - Right.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- That's the point here, I think. - All done!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- Where are your campaign offices?- Bob's hoose.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05No' in my hoose, in my extension.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09And we'll be buying plenty of this gear. Don't you worry about that. Ha-ha!
0:05:09 > 0:05:12Well, I don't think you'll need quite this much.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14- Do you have local volunteers?- One.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16- Only one? - Thousand.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17A thousand?
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Thereaboots. You know, up a bit.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24So, we are going to need plenty of this stuff.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Well, now's your chance.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Excuse me. I think this chap would like to place an order.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Fire away.
0:05:34 > 0:05:39Oh, well, I'll maybe, er...take a couple of these, as you're here.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48You got anything bigger?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Bigger? No, that's an industrial copier.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- Well, I've seen bigger. - Where?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Arbroath.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Oh! - How much?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- Well, these guys are renting. - Renting?
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Ha-ha! Well, I'd be buying.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I mean, I play for keeps.
0:06:04 > 0:06:0618 grand?
0:06:07 > 0:06:12- Have you got a colour one? - Yeah, well, they're all colour, mate.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14There's a... Hey.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21...kind of buzzing.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24You know, I'm getting that.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Really? - Oh, it's stopped now.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29PHONE RINGS IN BACKGROUND
0:06:34 > 0:06:35OK.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40Awfy, awfy nice.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Yeah.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46Oh, er...has it got the internet?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Well, no. - Oh, shame, pal.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Better luck next time.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52We'd have bought twa, if they were the right ones.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55I'm just sending you a message.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Deep pockets.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03Message received.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Well, we have a very busy afternoon with a lot of meetings, so...
0:07:06 > 0:07:11Oh, I would no' like to think... Ha! ...how many meetings I've got! Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:11 > 0:07:13One.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Thousand.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16PHONE RINGS IN BACKGROUND
0:07:16 > 0:07:18SEAGULLS CRY
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Oh, here he is! Old Scrooge himself.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25- Mr Servant, I'm relieved to see you.- I've sent you a number of letters...
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- How's that wife of yours doing?- I'm divorced. You know that.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- I know, just a bit of banter before we start.- Well, that's hardly what I would call banter.
0:07:32 > 0:07:35- I've got three kids.- All right. - Slept in my car for a month.- Right.
0:07:35 > 0:07:39- Down to business. I'm gonnae chuck a bit mair money at the campaign.- Mr Servant...
0:07:39 > 0:07:42And that cash I made when I sold the vans, I'm gonnae throw it all in. Why not?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Mr Servant, I've sent you a number of letters
0:07:45 > 0:07:47after I had a difficult conversation on your behalf.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Who with?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51With the Inland Revenue about your tax...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
0:07:54 > 0:07:55- I'll stop you there. - Sorry?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57As you're well aware,
0:07:57 > 0:08:01I will not allow you to use certain words in my presence for legal reasons.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06I am aware of that, and I'm also aware that this is why we're in this position!
0:08:06 > 0:08:10If I don't hear them words then I don't know about it and I'm legally protected!
0:08:10 > 0:08:16As I've told you many times, this is not the case! We have to able to discuss this.
0:08:16 > 0:08:17I don't want to.
0:08:17 > 0:08:21Do you want to go to prison?
0:08:21 > 0:08:23CLOCK TICKS
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Fine. Fine!
0:08:32 > 0:08:38Let's say you were talking to Daley Thompson...aboot biscuits.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40And perhaps...perhaps
0:08:40 > 0:08:46Daley Thompson thinks I haven't sent him enough biscuits.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Fine, I spoke to Daley Thompson
0:08:49 > 0:08:54and he says that there is a shortfall in your biscuit contributions.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57Well, I respect Daley as an athlete, but in this case he's talking bollocks.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01Daley says that you have not sent him enough biscuits
0:09:01 > 0:09:04in the last four consecutive tax years.
0:09:04 > 0:09:08- Er... - Biscuit years.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11He's worked out how many biscuits you owe him.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Oh, he has, has he? - Yes.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20That's what he's looking for.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Sweet Jesus.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- Is that biscuits or pounds? - Pounds.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29It's pounds, right.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Well, that's the last of the cheeseburger money.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Mr Servant.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37As your accountant, I would probably advise you
0:09:37 > 0:09:40to spend as little as possible
0:09:40 > 0:09:44on this...campaign.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49And I presume that has come out of my fees?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- It's the Lady Provost's dinner tonight.- Did you get invited?
0:09:52 > 0:09:53I did.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Is Daley Thompson going?
0:10:01 > 0:10:04- SEAGULLS CRY - You work your whole life.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07You sell thousands, millions of cheeseburgers.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09You make the people of Broughty Ferry happy.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12And then the Government pops up and says, "Oh, hello!
0:10:12 > 0:10:13"Hello!
0:10:13 > 0:10:17"You see when you made the people happy by selling them cheeseburgers?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21"Well, the money they gave you for making them happy, that's actually ours.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23"Even though they gave it to you for the cheeseburgers,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25"they're meant to give it to us
0:10:25 > 0:10:29"so would you kindly, you know, sort of, you know, just pass the money along
0:10:29 > 0:10:32"but still give them the cheeseburgers?"
0:10:32 > 0:10:36It doesn't add up, Bob. It does not add up.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40And again the Government pops up and says, "Oh, hello! Hello!
0:10:40 > 0:10:45"Just to let you know that once again you are not invited to the Provost's dinner.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50"But you see that guy who slept in his car for a month when his wife left him?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52"He's invited."
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Un-fucking-believable!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58Here, Bob, my turn tae choose.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03MUSIC: "Apartment Number 9" By Faron Young
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Why do you always bring me here, Frank?
0:11:07 > 0:11:08It's so depressing.
0:11:08 > 0:11:14Because it's cheap, Bob, and it sounds like we should be making sacrifices.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I'm sacrificing my dignity coming into this place.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Oh, here he is!
0:11:18 > 0:11:21How are you, Stewpot?
0:11:22 > 0:11:23No' too bad.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Couple of pints, please.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29- # ...In apartment number 9... # - Aye.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Best pint in Broughty Ferry!
0:11:30 > 0:11:35# ...And the sun will never shine... #
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Have you, er...
0:11:36 > 0:11:38- done the place up, Stewpot? - No.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- It's looking good. - Oh, very good, very good.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Oh, I love it in here. Love it!
0:11:43 > 0:11:47It reminds me of that, er...American TV show. Oh, you know the one. Er...
0:11:47 > 0:11:50# Where everybody knows your nay-ay-ame
0:11:50 > 0:11:53# Ha-da diddle-la-pah tee-tee-tee
0:11:53 > 0:11:56# Da-da diddle, da-da-diddle... #
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Er...
0:11:57 > 0:12:00# ...Knows your name. #
0:12:00 > 0:12:01The Cosby Show.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Cheers. - Cheers!
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Got us oot of that one.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Listen, Bob. - Improvisation.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Bob, what are we gonna dae,
0:12:12 > 0:12:15when the Edwards boy starts throwing his money aboot?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, it's no' aboot money, Frank, it's aboot people.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Well, then let's get oot there, Bob.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24You're the man with the ideas. I mean, this lot need to hear that.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26This lot? Never mind aboot the punters!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Broughty Ferry's run by the big fish.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Always has been, always will be.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33We want to get out there in front of the movers and the shakers.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36The Lady Provost? The Provost's dinner?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38That's where all the big fish'll be.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Well, then, let us go fishing.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44And we're no' invited.
0:12:44 > 0:12:45Frank.
0:12:45 > 0:12:50When Jesus went to that birthday party and turned the bread into wine,
0:12:50 > 0:12:51was he invited?
0:12:52 > 0:12:56Well, probably. I mean... I mean, if he could dae that.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01(This is appalling.)
0:13:01 > 0:13:05Hello, love! Bob Servant to see the Provost.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I'm afraid the Lady Provost's out for the day.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Where?
0:13:09 > 0:13:12She has a lunch and then she's reopening the harbour play park.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15Another play park! She must open aboot ten of them a year.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17She just likes the swings.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- Where is she having lunch? - I can't give out that information.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Sorry. - Hen, I'm standing in the by-election.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- Diplomatic immunity. - I'm sorry.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31I need to know where the Provost is.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- It's about her son. - She doesn't have a son.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37That's what she thinks.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39LOW CHATTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Oh, I see. Talking about boys?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Miss Edwards. - Ms.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- Your Holiness. - Hello, Mr Servant.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- Well, I really should be going.- Rhona.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Rhona, I need two minutes.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Sorry, I've official business.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Aye, on the swings?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- Nice to meet you. - Pleasure.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02That looked very cosy.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04Did it?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07My sources tell me...
0:14:07 > 0:14:11that she was at the airport this morning.
0:14:11 > 0:14:14She welcomed us to Broughty Ferry.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I just met her to hand in our election nomination forms.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20I'm sure your campaign manager has already handed them in?
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Don't have a go at him. He's just started.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Where are your thousand volunteers?
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Lunch break.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30RINGTONE: "RIDE ON TIME" BY BLACK BOX
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Hi, Bob.
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I see.
0:14:33 > 0:14:37You know, gentlemen, we have come up against independent candidates before.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Not...like me.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43Just like you.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45They're always the same.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Locals with a bit of a reputation who fancy the spotlight.
0:14:49 > 0:14:50And then along comes polling day,
0:14:50 > 0:14:53and they discover that they haven't got quite as many friends as they thought.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Then what happens?
0:14:55 > 0:14:57They're humiliated.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Totally
0:14:59 > 0:15:01and utterly humiliated.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- Oh... - Frank, let's go to the play park.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08Right, Bob.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12I am very proud to be here today to open this play park...
0:15:12 > 0:15:15- Ah, you give someone a special necklace.- ...and I'd especially like to thank...
0:15:15 > 0:15:20The next thing you know, they're walking round a play park like Mother Teresa.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I would like to declare this play park...
0:15:23 > 0:15:25officially reopened.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27APPLAUSE
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Thank you.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31You know, Frank, the Provost's dinner...
0:15:31 > 0:15:33it's no' something I've ever fancied going to.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Well, you've never been invited.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39Well, that's because they probably think I'd turn it doon, and I usually would.
0:15:39 > 0:15:45But, you see, this year, Frank, this year, I need in, I need in,
0:15:45 > 0:15:48because she is like...
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Willy Wonka.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55She looks at the people of Broughty Ferry, and then she picks one.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58And once you're picked, that's you.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Life will never be the same again.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Just like Willy Wonka in the film.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07He looked at the people, he picked that young boy,
0:16:07 > 0:16:12and then Wonka took that lovely young boy and put him in golden underpants.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16And then Wonka led that boy by the hand...
0:16:17 > 0:16:20...and walked off into the disco.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22- No.- Well, you know, Frank, you know what?- No, that's no'...
0:16:22 > 0:16:25No, that's no' what happened in the film, Bob.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I'm going to the disco! Ha-ha!
0:16:28 > 0:16:31OK, big smile for me. OK.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34- That's great. - Let me come to your dinner.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Firstly,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I just heard you visited my office and suggested I have an illegitimate child.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Smile for me. - That was Frank. I tried to stop him.
0:16:41 > 0:16:45Secondly, the dinner is for those who have enhanced the lives of the people of Broughty Ferry.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50- I'm a Broughty Ferry success story. - Success story! Selling unhealthy food from unregistered vans?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- That's what the public wanted.- You ruined local health rates.- Statistics.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56- You targeted children. - They targeted me!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59- You caused scurvy, Bob. - The two of you.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Oh, come on, Rhona, come on. Let me come. Please, Rhona. Rhona, please!
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Look, if you cause any trouble, you're out straight away.
0:17:05 > 0:17:06Deal.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Big smile!
0:17:08 > 0:17:10And that, Frankie boy, is politics.
0:17:15 > 0:17:22I've lived here all my life, Frank, and this is my first Provost's dinner.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I've been out in the cold for 58 years.
0:17:27 > 0:17:31How long was Mandela on that island, before Geldof got him off?
0:17:31 > 0:17:32A fair while.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- Not 58 years, though? - Nowhere near.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Do you know what I mean? And people bang on about his suffering.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39The Provost's dinner!
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Oh! That's gonnae be something else!
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Oh, big names, big faces.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Absolute A-list!
0:17:46 > 0:17:49And...you're looking good, Bob.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54I am, and you're not far behind me, Francis.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57We're the Rat Pack.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- Ho-ho! Frank Sinatra! - Dean Martin!
0:18:00 > 0:18:03Steve Davis Junior. Ha-ha!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Let's dance!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Right, Frank!
0:18:11 > 0:18:13This is schmoozing.
0:18:13 > 0:18:17- Schmoozing? - It's American for talking.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I want you to get in there and work the room.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Oh.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Don't mind if I do.
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Lovely dress.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42- Admiral. - Inspector.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45Listen, I'm doing a bit of schmoozing here
0:18:45 > 0:18:49and I want you to know if I'm elected then your job is safe.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51That would not be your decision.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Not officially. - Not at all.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55- Glad to have your support. - You don't.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Cheers.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08You're the big man frae the hospital, aren't you?
0:19:08 > 0:19:09I'm the Medical Director, yes.
0:19:09 > 0:19:13Ah. I've seen you in the papers with the big cheques.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Always glad to receive a charitable donation.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18Oh, I know, I know. Listen, listen here.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21If I'm elected, I wouldnae kick up a fuss
0:19:21 > 0:19:26if, you know, one of them big cheques should go, you know...
0:19:26 > 0:19:27I don't follow.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30If one of them big cheques should go, er...
0:19:36 > 0:19:37...go missing.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- I find that extremely offensive.- Oh, so do I, Doc. So do I.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Have you got, er...
0:19:50 > 0:19:52...any brothers or sisters?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I must just go and find my wife.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56OK, fine.
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- RHONA:- Ladies and gentlemen!
0:19:58 > 0:20:02Please take your seats, and if I may, I'll just say a few words.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Absolutely! Carry on, hen!
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Due to the past two harsh winters,
0:20:20 > 0:20:23some of our roads have experienced extensive damage.
0:20:23 > 0:20:28But I'm happy to say that reconstruction work on this is nearly complete.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30This year also showed marked improvements
0:20:30 > 0:20:33of the sewage systems around the Ellieslea Road area.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35This is hopeless. Right.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39- With regards to the new leisure centre... - GLASS CLINKS
0:20:39 > 0:20:40..this has now...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43OK! Well done. You had a go.
0:20:43 > 0:20:45- I'm sorry? - Ah, well try again next year.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Eh, Rhona, hen? Come on.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Come on, folks, come on! Let's gie her something.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53- THEY APPLAUD - Come on! Let's give her something. There you go. There you go, hen.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Well done, well done.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Right, I'd better rescue this.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Lock up your daughters.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Ladies and gentlemen!
0:21:01 > 0:21:05I want yous to forget aboot my success
0:21:05 > 0:21:08and, if you can, my extension.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Just see me for what I am.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15A local man who's worked hard and has the hoose to show for it,
0:21:15 > 0:21:19and who is the only choice for the Broughty Ferry by-election!
0:21:19 > 0:21:21This Edwards guy looks pretty impressive.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Oh, forget him. - I've heard he's got a big team.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Well, I've seen bigger.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Apparently they're very sexy.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Who said that?
0:21:30 > 0:21:33Frank.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Look, you lot don't know this guy!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I could tell you things about him you just wouldnae believe!
0:21:37 > 0:21:41- Go on. - Oh, he's done awful stuff.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42Awful stuff. X-rated stuff.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Such as?
0:21:45 > 0:21:49How about murder? Is that bad enough for you?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- Sorry? - No' here, no' on your beat.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53On his holidays.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I heard he was in Tenerife
0:21:55 > 0:22:00and a man laughed at his jumper and he strangled him.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Wi' the jumper.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04DOOR CLOSES
0:22:04 > 0:22:05Sorry we're late, everybody.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Sorry we're late, everybody(!)
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- Er...Mr Edwards? - Yeah?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Have you ever been to Tenerife?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16Tenerife?
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- No, can't say I've had the pleasure.- Didn't think so.
0:22:21 > 0:22:22Rumours.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Sorry, have I...disturbed something?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Mr Servant was telling us a story.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29No, no, no! No, I've done. I've done.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- Well, perhaps I could say a few words.- Oh, haud on, haud on! I've still got the floor!
0:22:32 > 0:22:36We gave you a hearing, Mr Servant! It's Mr Edwards's turn now.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41CLEARS THROAT
0:22:42 > 0:22:44Ladies and gentlemen.
0:22:44 > 0:22:50My wife and I left England this morning as dawn was breaking.
0:22:50 > 0:22:55We had no idea that we would find ourselves in a place so charming,
0:22:55 > 0:22:58so hospitable and so beautiful.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Christopher Columbus over there.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Walking around...Brochty Ferry today...
0:23:03 > 0:23:05- Broughty Ferry. - ..Broughty Ferry today,
0:23:05 > 0:23:08I was overcome with a... a strange feeling of warmth.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Had you wet yourself? - Mr Servant!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Teatime! Oh, here we go, folks!
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- Mr Edwards will continue after dinner!- Oh, look!
0:23:15 > 0:23:19It's salmon. Very boring, I'm afraid.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Here we go. Here we go, folks. Tuck in.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Could... Could I get a leg?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:26 > 0:23:30LOW CHATTER
0:23:32 > 0:23:34MUTTERS
0:23:36 > 0:23:39We can't let him get this lot on board.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Follow my lead.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- You looking for the toilet? - I am.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47- Let me help you there. - Thank you.
0:23:49 > 0:23:52CLATTERING
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Shawshanked!
0:23:56 > 0:23:58THUMPING
0:24:18 > 0:24:19Enjoying the petits fours?
0:24:21 > 0:24:24SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE
0:24:27 > 0:24:30LOW CHATTER
0:24:30 > 0:24:31CLINKS GLASS
0:24:31 > 0:24:35Right, well, that's it, folks. Looks like he's bottled it.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37So, if you want an MP who turns Shergar on you
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- when the going gets tough... - KNOCKING
0:24:39 > 0:24:40...he's your man.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44- KNOCKING CONTINUES - But Bob Servant doesn't hide!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Remember that.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47FRANK CLAPS
0:24:47 > 0:24:50Well! That's us off!
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Thank you for having us. The salmon was terrific!
0:24:56 > 0:24:59Oh, ho-ho-ho! Looks like someone's had one too many.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03He locked me in the fucking cupboard!
0:25:03 > 0:25:07Or I locked myself out of the cupboard! Different ways of looking at it.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09We will crush you!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11You'd better have strong fingers!
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Mr Servant! I think you should leave right now!
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Oh, I bet you do. I bet you do!
0:25:17 > 0:25:20That's just what you lot want, isn't it?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Get me oot the door so you can suck up to him?
0:25:22 > 0:25:27Why? Because he's got a flashy poster and big photocopiers.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Well, do you know something? I don't need you lot!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32I'm going out there! To the man on the street!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35You know where you are with the man on the street!
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- On the street? - You listen to me, pal.
0:25:38 > 0:25:42You may have this lot under your sexy spell,
0:25:42 > 0:25:44but I've spent 30 years
0:25:44 > 0:25:46selling cheeseburgers to the people of Broughty Ferry.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48I know them inside out.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51And when she made me put posters on my van
0:25:51 > 0:25:56saying that if people ate too many cheeseburgers they might die,
0:25:56 > 0:25:57do you know what happened?!
0:25:58 > 0:26:00We sold more!
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Granted, a couple of people did die
0:26:05 > 0:26:08but no-one...no-one tells that lot what to do!
0:26:08 > 0:26:11So, pal, you keep the big fish!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I'll hae the people!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16I'll have the people!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26LOW CHATTER
0:26:26 > 0:26:27DOOR SLAMS
0:26:30 > 0:26:32CHATTER STOPS
0:27:02 > 0:27:04LOW CHATTER
0:27:08 > 0:27:09CHATTER STOPS
0:27:16 > 0:27:18DOOR SHUTS
0:27:28 > 0:27:31CLATTERING
0:27:31 > 0:27:32LOW CHATTER
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Here we go, Frank.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35These are our people.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Look at their wonderful little faces.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Absolutely.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43Ah, Edwards can keep the big fish. I'll have this lot any time.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47I've got your vote, don't I, Charlie?
0:27:48 > 0:27:50No' wearing his glasses.
0:27:50 > 0:27:55# ...Hey, where I've been, where I'm going didn't take a lot of knowing
0:27:55 > 0:27:59# But I take a lot of pride in what I am... #
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- Davie! - Bob.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04See the United score at the weekend?
0:28:04 > 0:28:07No. What was it?
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Good to see you.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15# ...Home is anywhere I'm living
0:28:16 > 0:28:21# If it's sleeping on some vacant bench in City Square... #
0:28:23 > 0:28:25All right, lads? Just finished at the factory?
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Factory?
0:28:26 > 0:28:29Stewpot, get these boys a drink.
0:28:29 > 0:28:31They deserve it. Salt of the earth.
0:28:33 > 0:28:34On you?
0:28:34 > 0:28:37No, no. Just get them a drink. It's your job.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41# ...And I take a lot of pride in what I am
0:28:43 > 0:28:49# I never been nobody's idol But at least I got a title
0:28:49 > 0:28:51# And I take a lot of pride in what I am... #
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd