0:00:02 > 0:00:05- We'll stick a banner up here. - Saying what?
0:00:05 > 0:00:07"Congratulations to Bob Servant on winning
0:00:07 > 0:00:09the Broughty Ferry by-election.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11"Have a few drinks on us and go bananas.
0:00:11 > 0:00:15"All the very best, the Bob Servant independent campaign."
0:00:15 > 0:00:16You could edit that doon a bit.
0:00:16 > 0:00:19How much are you putting behind the bar?
0:00:19 > 0:00:23Oh, er... The alcohol budget is £60, right?
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Now, that's... that's three drinks per person.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Now, please mark people's hands for their first two drinks
0:00:30 > 0:00:32and then their forehead for the third.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I'm not daein' that.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36And I want a real buzz aboot the place.
0:00:36 > 0:00:40Lots of excitement, with a keen sense of danger and uncertainty
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- with absolutely nae limits - got it?- Nuh.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46And I want people standing here
0:00:46 > 0:00:50wondering if they're gonna have a few drinks, and maybe,
0:00:50 > 0:00:51I don't know...
0:00:51 > 0:00:53wake up...
0:00:53 > 0:00:55in the Congo.
0:00:57 > 0:01:01The atmosphere budget is £15.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Contains some strong language.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14Hey, Georgie!
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Bob, without sounding like an awfa greedy guts,
0:01:31 > 0:01:32dae I get the election deposit back tonight?
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Yep, and probably some prize money on top.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Thank God. Money's for my new bathroom.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- And you deserve it. - Thanks, Bob.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Good people, good people!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49Where are all our posters, Frank?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Ah, you only need one, Bob. They all say the same thing.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Aye, it's a good day to die.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Common sense will prevail.
0:01:59 > 0:02:04- We're getting positive vibes from the undecided.- Oh, good for you. - Er, good afternoon. Nick Edwards.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Er, now, if you don't mind me saying, you look of retirement age. Here...
0:02:07 > 0:02:11Have a gander at my policies for ring-fencing pension funds.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12- They're... - Are you the boy
0:02:12 > 0:02:14that was on the radio talking aboot The Krankies?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Bob Servant, independent, in the flesh.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19He's my man!
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Well, that's a definite.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24There's a long way to go.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Come on, darling.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30What a day, Frank. What a day!
0:02:30 > 0:02:32And not a boo boy in sight.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Right, Bob, final push. We're going door to door.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Oh, plenty of time for that, Frank. Plenty of time for that.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40I've got a wee meeting back at the extension.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42How can I help you, Bob?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Well, I thought, you know,
0:02:45 > 0:02:47while I'm in London, maybe your mob
0:02:47 > 0:02:50could use the extension as a cathedral.
0:02:50 > 0:02:51- No. - Or some sort of prayer room.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Punters could come and pray that maybe one day
0:02:55 > 0:02:56they'd have an extension of their own.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Prayer is reserved for spiritual concerns.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I want to send a message to the people.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I wanna tell them that although Bob's body may be in London,
0:03:04 > 0:03:06his heart's here in Broughty Ferry,
0:03:06 > 0:03:10in there, on the coffee table, beating away.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13OK, Bob, if you're going away,
0:03:13 > 0:03:16the Church is always interested in emergency housing.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18- Housing?! - We're in a recession.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22- There are a lot of desperate people in the parish.- Oh, nae chance! - Cloud-cuckoo-land.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Fine.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I'll pass that reaction on.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Pass what on?
0:03:28 > 0:03:33That you're unwilling to help the weakest in Broughty Ferry society.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Should make a good feature for the newsletter.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37- Newsletter?- Or maybe even the local media.
0:03:37 > 0:03:41Right, right. You can have the extension.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- Hang on, Bob... - Oh, let it go, Frank, let it go.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I'll build a bigger one, a better one.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47- I'm gonna be minted. - Really?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Oh, aye.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Oh, the MP game is where the readies are, you know, above the table,
0:03:52 > 0:03:55below the table, brown envelopes, white envelopes,
0:03:55 > 0:03:58tips, winks, the old slap on the back, the old,
0:03:58 > 0:03:59"Is this your handbag?"
0:03:59 > 0:04:02"Of course not. Why would I have a handbag?"
0:04:02 > 0:04:05"Oh, I think this is one handbag you do want."
0:04:05 > 0:04:07"Oh, well, then, if you insist,
0:04:07 > 0:04:09"I'll TAKE the handbag.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10"Frank can carry it."
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Gladly.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17I mean, the-the designs are just mouth-watering, Bob.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I showed them to my swimming instructor
0:04:19 > 0:04:23and she said it was a bathroom that was both elegant and practical.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Sounds lovely.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27How many more have we got, Frank?
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- I'm knackered. - It's the last couple, Bob.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- FRANK: Good afternoon. - Jim Henderson?
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- Hendo Henderson? - Who's asking?
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Bob Servant.- Simple Servant! - HE LAUGHS
0:04:47 > 0:04:48How you doing?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Actually, Hendo, it's Bob Servant, independent,
0:04:51 > 0:04:53nailed-on favourite in the Broughty Ferry by-election.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Ah? Well, you'll always be Simple Servant to me.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58- Is that right?- Have we got your vote, Hendo?
0:04:58 > 0:05:02As I says, he'll always be Simple Servant to me.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04HE LAUGHS
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Come on, Bob.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15DOORBELL RINGS
0:05:17 > 0:05:21Hello there. This is Bob Servant, independent. We're standing...
0:05:21 > 0:05:24I heard you on the radio. I loved the free wellies idea.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Well, without being an awfa big head,
0:05:27 > 0:05:29the free wellies policy was actually one of mine.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33- Oh!- 50 years he's been giving me that.- Well, you've got my vote.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35- Can you do something about our road?- Fire ahead!
0:05:35 > 0:05:39Everyone laughing at wee Simple Servant.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I have phoned the council week in, week out
0:05:41 > 0:05:43- aboot the potholes.- Madam, we will raise merry hell
0:05:43 > 0:05:47- and soon those potholes... - Well! This ends TODAY!
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Excuse me. Bob. Bob!
0:05:54 > 0:05:57- Bob, we've already done this one. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:05:57 > 0:06:01KNOCKING I just want a wee chat with him. Just a nice wee chat.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- What is it noo, Simple? - One, don't call me Simple.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Two, I am the de facto MP for Broughty Ferry
0:06:08 > 0:06:10and I deserve a certain amount of respect.
0:06:10 > 0:06:15- But that's your name. Simple. - I said, don't call me Simple!
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- Bob, I don't think you... - Hey, hey, hey!
0:06:17 > 0:06:22- This is private property here! - I'm not Simple any more!
0:06:22 > 0:06:25Right, you two, just calm down, OK?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Nice in here, Hendo.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Very...cosy.
0:06:35 > 0:06:36Ah!
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Where's your extension? Is it oot the back?
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- I don't have one. - Oh, really? That's a shame.
0:06:43 > 0:06:47My extension is probably the size of your entire hoose.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48Oh, well, I might get one.
0:06:48 > 0:06:51I could do with the extra space when the grandkids visit.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Any grandkids, Bob?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56Oh, Hendo,
0:06:56 > 0:07:01am I right in thinking that you ran away with that boy frae Fintry
0:07:01 > 0:07:04wha' drove the red Sierra? I think it was you.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05That was my wife.
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Oh, it was your wife? Oh, I knew it was one of yous.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Right, well, er, thanks for popping round lads,
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- but Countdown's just aboot to start...- Frank,
0:07:14 > 0:07:17this man was my first ever boo boy.
0:07:19 > 0:07:20That Hendo Henderson?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23You and all your cronies.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Telling the girls that my jumpers were daft and that I had an odd walk.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Well, here's the headlines, Hendo.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I've got the best walk in Broughty Ferry
0:07:34 > 0:07:38and my jumpers are the nicest in the toon.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Or...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41would you call that...
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- ...daft? - A wee bit, aye.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48That's cashmere!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Feel it. - Bob, behave yourself!
0:07:52 > 0:07:57- It's 40% cashmere! - Aye, all right, Bob. All right.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Your jumper is...is very nice.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04What do you like best about it?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Patterns?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Now we're getting somewhere.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Right! Let's sort this walk situation out.
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Very strong.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28And...what do you like best?
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Your...chin. You kind of...
0:08:31 > 0:08:32Hold it high?
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Correct. And well I should.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38But even today, the day of my coronation,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40there had to be one last boo boy.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Well, Hendo, when I'm elected MP,
0:08:42 > 0:08:46I'm gonna have you all rounded up, brought to the town hall,
0:08:46 > 0:08:49and made to stand on a bucket and say,
0:08:49 > 0:08:51"I'm a Broughty Ferry boo boy,
0:08:51 > 0:08:54"I'm a nasty piece of work, and I was wrong about Bob Servant."
0:08:54 > 0:08:57You know something, Bob? I was wrong aboot you.
0:08:57 > 0:09:02I thought you were just daft. In fact, you are utterly deranged.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07Now piss off, take your brother with you and let me watch Countdown.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10There'll be no sums today, Hendo.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11HE STRAINS
0:09:11 > 0:09:13You're one of my... Agh!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- I'll just put them back in. - Look, Bob,
0:09:19 > 0:09:22- perhaps we should... - No sums today!
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Oh! - Ah, it seems fine.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE - Bob, I think that's coming here.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30HE STRAINS
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Let's hope they're not showing Jaws tonight.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- SIREN APPROACHES - Jesus! It's all gone Cagney & Lacey!
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Come on, Frank! Come on! Let's hit the mealy pudding trail.
0:09:43 > 0:09:44Now, Bob...
0:09:45 > 0:09:47...I'm no finger pointer...
0:09:47 > 0:09:50but I think perhaps
0:09:50 > 0:09:55you have at least partly created a situation that is, some might say,
0:09:55 > 0:09:57a total disaster.
0:09:57 > 0:10:02Well, then, we'll have to make it a secret disaster.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04And what do we do in the meantime, Bob?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06We should be out there campaigning.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10- Now we're Broughty Ferry's most wanted.- So, we spend a few hours on the run.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13It's a piece of piss. We'll grow beards, hide out in the swamps.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15There arenae any swamps.
0:10:15 > 0:10:19Well, then, we'll lie low in a motel, get job as handymen,
0:10:19 > 0:10:22helping oot around the place, live under assumed names,
0:10:22 > 0:10:24be polite to the other guests without giving too much away.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27And then...
0:10:28 > 0:10:30...we'll come back this evening.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33The police, though, Bob - they'll be on our tail.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Now, Frank,
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I need you to stand up to interrogation for a couple of days.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Interrogation?
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You know, Chinese burns,
0:10:41 > 0:10:43er, thumbnails,
0:10:43 > 0:10:46the old elastic band round your balls.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Round my balls?
0:10:52 > 0:10:55CHATTER OVER POLICE RADIO
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Stay still.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Stay very, very still.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11...And we pledge to stand by everything in the manifesto.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13BOB: Don't stop there!
0:11:14 > 0:11:18Oh, come on, lads. Come on, you're killing me!
0:11:18 > 0:11:19You're killing me!
0:11:21 > 0:11:27The man was an 18-carat bully, which is why Bob, quite rightly,
0:11:27 > 0:11:29booted the fuck out of his telly.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Sorry, officer.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43- Bob, what d'you think gonna hap...?- Ssh!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Ssh!
0:11:46 > 0:11:47They're watching.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Two-way mirror.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- Oh, my God. - Cool, Frank. Keep cool.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Just gie them a wee smile.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04DOOR OPENS
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- Right, Mr Servant, I don't have time for this.- You think I do?
0:12:12 > 0:12:16Mr Henderson wants £500 compensation for the remote control,
0:12:16 > 0:12:20the TV and his two fish who had heart attacks.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Agree to that and you're off with a caution.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Nae chance!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You've derailed my entire campaign,
0:12:26 > 0:12:30which is illegal. Now, it gives me no pleasure to do this,
0:12:30 > 0:12:32but I hereby instruct you to arrest yoursel'.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- HE SIGHS - £500, Bob.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Yes or no?
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Right, er, we will pay every penny.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46We apologise and you'll get no more bother from us.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47Just...
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I'm actually begging you here.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Do not put that round my balls.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57Hello. Er...
0:12:57 > 0:13:03This is a damage limitation cold call from the Bob Servant independent campaign.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07You may have heard that Bob kicked a telly.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09However, it could be argued that...
0:13:09 > 0:13:10DIALLING TONE
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Hello?
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Hello?
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Hendo!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Oh!
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Aye... How we getting on?
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Superbly.- How many people have you spoken to?
0:13:25 > 0:13:27Er...two.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Oh!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33- Two?- It's a funny story.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36The first guy I phoned wasn't at home.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38So, I called his neighbour
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and they said he was on holiday in Blackpool.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Well, I wasnae gonna let it go that easily.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49Directory Enquiries gave me a list of Blackpool hotels,
0:13:49 > 0:13:52who all said, "Oh, he's no' here, we cannae help you,"
0:13:52 > 0:13:55et cetera, et cetera, blah-dy blah-dy blah-dy blah.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58- But efter a couple o' hours... - A couple of hours?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00..I got him!
0:14:00 > 0:14:02He's at...
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Blackpool's two-star Royal Hotel.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Which actually sounds lovely.
0:14:08 > 0:14:12They said, "He's not in, he's oot having a walk on the beach."
0:14:12 > 0:14:16So, I said, "Tell him someone's ringing from Broughty Ferry.
0:14:16 > 0:14:21"It's an emergency and it involves his family."
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Five minutes later, he calls me.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Very out of breath.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I said I was calling from the campaign
0:14:29 > 0:14:31and for the good of him and his family,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34would he be voting for us in the by-election?
0:14:34 > 0:14:38He said he wouldn't... Well, he was actually quite firm aboot that.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41But what he also said, which...
0:14:41 > 0:14:44which I thought was a very clever point, was...
0:14:45 > 0:14:48...he couldn't vote for us in the by-election today...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51...because
0:14:51 > 0:14:53he is currently on holiday!
0:14:55 > 0:14:57In Blackpool.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Everybody's looking at us, Frank.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17They all know.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Hendo's murdered me here. - No-one's looking, Bob.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22No-one's looking. Everything'll be A-OK.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26That's what you said about mad cow.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Was that A-OK?
0:15:28 > 0:15:32Rhona! You're looking decidedly top drawer this evening.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35I'm surprised you've had the gall to show up.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39To what would you be referring? Your campaign has been an embarrassment for Broughty Ferry.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41For a by-election candidate to go around,
0:15:41 > 0:15:44on election day, kicking television sets and killing goldfish...
0:15:44 > 0:15:48- I didnae kill the goldfish! - It's all over town, Bob. - Shall we wait for the autopsy?
0:15:48 > 0:15:52Well, if you lose your deposit, you've only got yourself to blame.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53What do you mean, "lose"?
0:15:53 > 0:15:57You need 5% of the vote to have your deposit returned.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Which will be around...
0:15:59 > 0:16:011,000 votes.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- That... That... That can't be right.- It's supposed to deter timewasters.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09Timewasters?! Well, Rhona, if standing up for the people and shooting from the hip is timewasting
0:16:09 > 0:16:13then we might as well haul up the white flag, get on a spaceship,
0:16:13 > 0:16:15drop the keys off to the Martians and say,
0:16:15 > 0:16:18"All right, you boys have a go at living on Earth if you like,
0:16:18 > 0:16:20"because we've fucked it!"
0:16:23 > 0:16:25God, this is going to be a long night.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31- Bob...- You'll get your dough, Frank.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33My new bathroom, Bob.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- It's both elegant and practical. - Frank!
0:16:36 > 0:16:39My entire reputation's on the line here! Never mind your bathroom!
0:16:39 > 0:16:41- Bob...- There's nothing wrong
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- with your old bathroom. - I ripped it oot.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45- When?- Last Saturday night.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Thought I might as well get ahead in the job.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I was...
0:16:52 > 0:16:54heavily inebriated.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Where have you been going to the toilet?
0:17:01 > 0:17:02Just sort of...
0:17:03 > 0:17:05...on the hoof.
0:17:09 > 0:17:10All right, lads?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- No, no, no, no. You can't talk to us.- Er, which one's mine?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Can we do hot and cold? - Mr Servant, please go away.
0:17:17 > 0:17:22Oh, come on, hen. Gie's a break. I mean, you're...you're not robots, you people. You have to have hearts.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25You are breaking several regulations right now,
0:17:25 > 0:17:26so if you could please...
0:17:26 > 0:17:28PHILLIPPA: Interfering with the vote counters now?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30My word, you're having a spectacular day.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32No, no, no. Just checking the troops.
0:17:32 > 0:17:37Must be pretty boring for them, seeing my name over and over again.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39You're just a...
0:17:39 > 0:17:41cocky-longlegs.
0:17:42 > 0:17:43Cocky-longlegs?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I am extremely tired.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55HE SNORES SOFTLY
0:18:03 > 0:18:05FEEDBACK
0:18:05 > 0:18:07TAPPING ON MICROPHONE
0:18:07 > 0:18:08RHONA: Ladies and gentlemen.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13Thank you for your patience. The results will be announced in five minutes.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33Well, good luck, Bob...
0:18:34 > 0:18:35...with your reputation.
0:18:37 > 0:18:38And you, Frank,
0:18:38 > 0:18:41with your...bathroom.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52I can't tell you anything, Bob.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Well, just tell me, just tell me it's not boo boy material, Rhona.
0:18:54 > 0:18:58- Just tell me that, please. - Get back.
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Morning.
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Oh!
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Nearly gave myself a hot bot!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Ladies and gentlemen,
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I have here the results of the Broughty Ferry by-election.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
0:19:13 > 0:19:17Blackburn, Susan.
0:19:17 > 0:19:214,296.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Apologies.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Edwards, Nick.
0:19:33 > 0:19:379,546.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Sorry.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48Ferrie, Thomas.
0:19:48 > 0:19:525,872.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Him?!- This is insane!
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- Just whisper mine.- Back!
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Servant, Robert.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12112.
0:20:12 > 0:20:13MURMURING
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Triple figures.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to embark on an extraordinary journey,
0:20:31 > 0:20:37and though I will be based in Westminster, for...practical reasons,
0:20:37 > 0:20:39from this day forward,
0:20:39 > 0:20:41I am a Brochty...
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Broughty. - ...Broughty Ferry man.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46APPLAUSE
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Firstly...
0:20:55 > 0:20:59As a GENUINE Broughty Ferry man,
0:20:59 > 0:21:03I officially withdraw my bid.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Secondly...
0:21:05 > 0:21:10To the people who, it could be argued, got more votes than me,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13if you have cheated, and just now it's only a rumour,
0:21:13 > 0:21:17then that is something you'll have to live with.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23But more important, more important than the also-rans
0:21:23 > 0:21:26is a wee man standing over there, with glasses,
0:21:26 > 0:21:29called Frank.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Over the last six weeks,
0:21:30 > 0:21:33he has worked like a... farmer.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36And yet recently,
0:21:36 > 0:21:41Frank has been unable to go to the toilet in his own home.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Ladies and gentlemen,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47as long as we live in a world
0:21:47 > 0:21:49where it is possible for a good man
0:21:49 > 0:21:53to be unable to go to the toilet in the comfort of his own home,
0:21:53 > 0:21:55I shall keep fighting.
0:21:56 > 0:22:00And to those of you who think you've seen the last of Bob Servant,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03well, you're wrong. Because you haven't seen the last of Bob Servant.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06So, good night...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09...God bless...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11and safe journey home.
0:22:15 > 0:22:16And if,
0:22:16 > 0:22:18on that journey home,
0:22:18 > 0:22:22you should see a little child looking sad...
0:22:22 > 0:22:24then...
0:22:24 > 0:22:26stop the car...
0:22:27 > 0:22:28..open the door,
0:22:28 > 0:22:31coax them inside...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34..turn off the lights
0:22:34 > 0:22:36and give that little child...
0:22:38 > 0:22:40..the tightest cuddle you have
0:22:40 > 0:22:42and say...
0:22:42 > 0:22:46"That's from old Bob."
0:22:50 > 0:22:52Good night!
0:23:00 > 0:23:01SEAGULLS CRY
0:23:01 > 0:23:03# EVERLY BROTHERS: I'd Be A Legend In My Time
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I'll get you your bathroom, Frank.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08It's not aboot the bathroom, Bob.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11I know it's not.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15# If heartache's brought fame
0:23:17 > 0:23:21# In love's crazy game
0:23:21 > 0:23:25# I'd be a legend
0:23:25 > 0:23:27# In my time... #
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Yes, you can use the karaoke. Just don't touch...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Whoa!
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Whoa!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Whoa! Whoa!
0:23:41 > 0:23:46Bob, these gentlemen are the lucky recipients of your charitable initiative.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50Sorry, folks. I'm staying put.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52The homeless party's off.
0:23:52 > 0:23:54But, Bob, these men need your help.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56I can see that. Right, lads...
0:23:56 > 0:23:58It's back under the railway arches for you tonight.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00GROANING
0:24:00 > 0:24:05Ach, you'll be fine. Just get a fire going and tell sad stories.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Hey! Hey! You.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Is that my snazzy jacket?
0:24:10 > 0:24:13That, right there...
0:24:14 > 0:24:16...is the final straw.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Well done, Frank!
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Frank! Frank, what are you doing?!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Frank! Frank!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39They're not my trousers, Frank.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43Stop it, Frank! Stop it. You're being an idiot.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47I am not an idiot, Bob. I am just doing my best.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52I am just doing my best.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56Frank!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Frank! Frank!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Frank!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11FOGHORN BLOWS
0:25:21 > 0:25:22Listen, Frank.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25Let me tell you something aboot winning and losing.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31Because you're probably wondering who won the by-election.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- It was Edwards. - No, Frank.
0:25:33 > 0:25:34Who really won it.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- No, it was Edwards. - Frank,
0:25:37 > 0:25:40if we'd won the by-election, we'd be aff to London
0:25:40 > 0:25:43to shake things up down there, correct?
0:25:43 > 0:25:45But the punters don't want that to happen.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- No, they...they made that quite clear.- Exactly.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49They want us right here.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54They've sent us a clear message.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56"Stay here, lads,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59"because we need you, we admire you,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02"we like what we've seen and we want to see more."
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Broughty Ferry has spoken, Francis.
0:26:06 > 0:26:10And I will not play deaf to the people of Broughty Ferry.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14- Neither will I. - We did it, Frank.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16We more or less did it.
0:26:16 > 0:26:18We sort of won.
0:26:18 > 0:26:22Pretty much. Now, I believe we've got a party to go to.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27# JOHNNY CASH: I Won't Back Down
0:26:32 > 0:26:35# Well, I won't back down
0:26:37 > 0:26:40# No, I won't back down
0:26:41 > 0:26:45# You can stand me up at the gates of hell
0:26:45 > 0:26:48# But I won't back down... #
0:26:51 > 0:26:53You got that 60 quid for the party, lads?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55Sorry, Stewpot.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Nae win, nae fee.
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Revolting.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06Cheers.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10# ...Well, I know what's right
0:27:11 > 0:27:14# I got just one life
0:27:15 > 0:27:18# In a world that keeps on pushing me around... #
0:27:18 > 0:27:20So, what's next, Bob?
0:27:20 > 0:27:24Frank...think about the most exciting thing you can.
0:27:26 > 0:27:27Now double it.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30Now times it by ten.
0:27:32 > 0:27:35Oh, Francis, Francis, not even close!
0:27:35 > 0:27:36DOOR OPENS
0:27:36 > 0:27:40Morning, lads! Bob Servant, independent!
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# ...Will stand my ground
0:27:44 > 0:27:48# And I won't back down
0:27:48 > 0:27:52# No, I won't back down. #