0:00:08 > 0:00:11MUSIC: "Tears Of A Clown" by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:00:15 > 0:00:18# Now, if there's a smile on my face
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# It's only there trying to fool the public
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# But when it comes down to fooling you
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Now, honey that's quite a different subject
0:00:30 > 0:00:34# But don't let my glad expression
0:00:34 > 0:00:38# Give you the wrong impression... #
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- What do we do with these?- What?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Yoghurt pots. Is it cardboard or plastic?
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Hang on a minute, Lee.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45There's separate bins for everything, Alan.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Yeah, well, I know that.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48I just don't know which one it goes in.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49It's got a bit of both in it.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Well, it's not rocket science.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Just pick a bin, any bin, and get rid of it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Not that one. Oh, it's your dad.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00He's faffing about again. Getting ready for a funeral.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Yeah, you remember Jean? Darren's mum.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Yeah, little Darren, used to play with on your little scooters.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Yeah, that's right, little Darren.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Well, his mum's dead.
0:01:10 > 0:01:14So, you just let us know as soon as Sue's waters break
0:01:14 > 0:01:15and we'll drive straight down.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17They don't want us there.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21Well, we're coming and that's that. We are.
0:01:21 > 0:01:25I know you don't want to put us out but it's our first grandchild, Lee.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Well, we're coming and that's that.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30We are.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32We are!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33She's there, isn't she?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Yeah, I know she's there, Lee.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Anyway, you just let us know.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Yeah, love to everyone.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44She was there. I could feel it.
0:01:44 > 0:01:48We'll just drive straight down soon as her waters break.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Well, this is nice, isn't it? We never do anything together.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52We're going to a funeral.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54It's better than nothing, Alan.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55What time's Mick getting here?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Oh, he's due in about half an hour. Be great to see him again.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- Must be seven or eight years.- Pff.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Yeah, we all know you never liked him.
0:02:02 > 0:02:03I saw what he put Jean through.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06She got well shot of him. Don't know why you're bringing him.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Well, he's my oldest friend.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09You've seen off all the rest.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12And it his ex-wife's funeral. I can't stop him going.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14He's going to spoil it for everyone.
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Well, you know, bring everyone down.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21At a funeral.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Be good to see Mick again after all these years.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Yeah.- He was always good value, wasn't he?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36That's what you want at a funeral,
0:02:36 > 0:02:38someone to give everyone a bit of a lift.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Jolly people along, otherwise things can get a bit flat.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- He'll jolly the women along, that's for sure.- Huh?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48He tries a little bit harder with the ladies, I seem to remember.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50He certainly tried hard enough with you.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53You're not still thinking of that holiday in Weymouth?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56He was after you, Maureen, and it wasn't just in Weymouth.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Don't be silly. He was just messing about.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59He wasn't messing about.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01He was all over you like a rash.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Please, don't give him a hard time, John. It's a funeral.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Let's just try and enjoy it, hmm?
0:03:08 > 0:03:11John, he is nearly 70 years old.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13What's he going to do? Dribble on me?
0:03:16 > 0:03:18I'm nearly 70 years old.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I can't believe she's gone.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22She was fine last time I saw her.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Well, I was talking to her on Skype ages back
0:03:25 > 0:03:26and she definitely looked very pale.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Mind you, that might have been our broadband reception.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31It's always worse in the kitchen.
0:03:31 > 0:03:32I'm supposed to be doing a tribute
0:03:32 > 0:03:34and I don't really know what to say for it.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37It's a bit awkward, really. I didn't know her that well.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Only saw her once a week at power walking.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Well, what'd they ask you for, then?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Graham's only been seeing her for six months.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46I don't think he really knows who her close friends are.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48New relationships, always difficult.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I mean, you take on their friends, their family
0:03:50 > 0:03:52but at our age, you've got to weigh up the chances
0:03:52 > 0:03:54of being lumbered with their funeral and all.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56What are you going to say?
0:03:56 > 0:04:00Oh, not too much. Don't want to bore everybody.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Most of my memories of Jean are mainly power walking based.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- Sad day.- Oh, yeah, very sad.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10We're going to too many of these.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12I'm not looking forward to it. Well, not with Mick coming over.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Yeah, this one's hit us particularly hard.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16We were very close to Jill.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- Jean.- Jean.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21No, it's all right. I'll get it right at the service.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23I'm using special memory techniques.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26If you think of going on a journey, then everything you need to remember
0:04:26 > 0:04:29is a landmark or an object on that journey.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31So, for instance, in this case, say I'm going to the shops
0:04:31 > 0:04:35- and on the way I see Jill getting out of a blue Nissan Micra...- Jean.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38No, hang on. Dave Pocock's got a blue Nissan.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Now I'm thinking of his wife. What's her name?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I never really got on with Mick, you know? There's a type of person,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Trevor, who can't help getting a bit too full of themselves.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Ah, well, I've always tried to keep an even keel, myself.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Exactly, and you've done very well. Your head's not been turned, has it?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- No.- Ah, but Mick, to my mind, is that kind of person.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Flash, expat bugger.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00They come swanning over here as if they're God's gift.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03You watch. See how long it is before he mentions how hot it is in Spain
0:05:03 > 0:05:05or wherever he lives now.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09I could have gone to Spain, deserted my country in its hour of need
0:05:09 > 0:05:10but I chose to stay here
0:05:10 > 0:05:15and make sure my tax goes to making this country better.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Anybody who doesn't back their own country is a scumbag
0:05:17 > 0:05:19as far as I'm concerned.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Gloria.- What?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Dave Pocock's wife. Gloria. Huh!
0:05:24 > 0:05:26That was going to drive me mad.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Christ! Slow down, Alan!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I thought you wanted to hurry up.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I want to live, is what I want to do.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36SHE SIGHS And what have I told you
0:05:36 > 0:05:38about not tucking your shirt in so tight?
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Shows all your belly.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Growing every day, that thing.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45It's like something out of the Quatermass Experiment.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46It's the style, Joyce.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Since when have you been bothered about style?
0:05:49 > 0:05:52This is what happens when you buy your own shirts.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54I've told you before about staying with me in Marks, haven't I?
0:06:02 > 0:06:05You'll like Mick. He's a real character.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Never been very lucky in love, though.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Disastrous marriage, he had.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15How are things with Trevor?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Well, we're living separately in the house,
0:06:17 > 0:06:19trying to rediscover each other.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Separate bedrooms?
0:06:21 > 0:06:25It establishes the boundaries of stage one of the rebuilding process.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28We do the same thing when John's had a curry.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Do you not worry though, that without the physical contact
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Trevor might, you know, look elsewhere?- Not really.
0:06:33 > 0:06:34No.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Can nobody call me on this phone?
0:06:37 > 0:06:40I need the line free for Lee in case Suze goes into labour.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Will you drive down straightaway?
0:06:42 > 0:06:45I'd ride down there on a unicycle, Carol.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47It's my first grandchild.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49I was beginning to think Lee and Suze weren't going to have any kids.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I wonder what took them so long.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53You've seen Suze.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I just don't think he was trying hard enough.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56They don't need us down there.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Alan, they need all the help they can get.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Not that they'll appreciate it.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04I don't know why I bother trying to do things for people.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Neither do I. Why don't you try not doing them?
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Oh, you'll be all right.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09They spend days in labour now, don't they?
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Mostly swimming around in the birthing pool.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15We never had no messing.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16Our Mark shot out.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Like a ping-pong ball, John said.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Though how he'd know what a ping-pong ball looks like
0:07:21 > 0:07:23shooting out of there I don't know.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Oh, hi. Are you sure he's on this train?
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Yeah, I checked.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29It's going to make us late, Alan.
0:07:29 > 0:07:32He's never minded making other people dance to his tune.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34He's probably latched onto some poor old girl
0:07:34 > 0:07:35straight off the plane.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37He'll be sat in the back of a taxi with her now,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39showing her a picture of his hacienda.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Oh, give him a chance, John.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43You can always rely on Mick to let you down.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46If he said he's coming, he'll be here.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48What did I tell you?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51You silly old sod! Ha-ha-ha!
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Ten seconds before he mentions the weather in Spain.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Could at least have arranged some decent weather for me.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I was five seconds out.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Maureen, how are you?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03- You haven't changed. - HE LAUGHS
0:08:05 > 0:08:07Joyce.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09And you must be Carol.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10All right, sweetheart?
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Alan's told me all about you.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Yes, well, now we've all said hello, shall we make a move?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Johnny boy! How are you, big man?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Well, come on, give us a smile at least.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Jesus, you lot could do with some cheering up.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28We're going to a funeral.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Oh, no, you're absolutely right, John.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32Absolutely right. Poor Jean.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I mean, it's such a shock to me. Hit me like a sledgehammer right here.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38When you've been married to someone for 20 years, you know,
0:08:38 > 0:08:40the loss is like...
0:08:40 > 0:08:41How can I describe it?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44It's like...it's like... It's almost a physical sensation.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Do you know what I mean?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Elena was devastated when she heard.
0:08:48 > 0:08:49Who's Elena?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51My wife.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53We met through this online dating agency
0:08:53 > 0:08:58that specialises in pairing up UK men with Eastern European women.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- You'd probably think that sounds a bit seedy.- Yes.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04- But it's actually a fantastic way to meet people.- And is it...?
0:09:04 > 0:09:07- Wonderful?- Legal?- Oh, no, it's all completely above board.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09She's got a visa and everything.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11It's amazing, the connection we made
0:09:11 > 0:09:13in such a short space of time, you know?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Hi. It's so nice to meet you all.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17I've heard a lot about you.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Isn't she beautiful? Right, lead on.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Come on, then.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- You never tell me I look nice. - You look nice.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It's got to be spontaneous, Alan.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Ooh, you look nice.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38Put your bags in here.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Oh, let's move this stuff out of the way. It's my mum's.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45We'll get rid of all of her junk when she moves into a care home.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48In my country we don't have old people's homes so much.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50If you are very old, like a grandmother,
0:09:50 > 0:09:51you live with your family.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54They look after you. You're part of everything.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55And you think that's better?
0:09:55 > 0:09:57No, I think it's much worse.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02She seems very nice.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06What a gentleman.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09We got time for a coffee?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12We've got to get flowers, Alan. I'm not going empty-handed.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16Well, maybe you could get them while me and Mick have a quick catch up.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Joyce, this is Thurne Mouth, not Las Vegas.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21We're not going to wake up in a hotel room on Monday
0:10:21 > 0:10:23covered in cocaine and lap dancers, are we?
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Look, you've kept up with all your old friends.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27I never see mine.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29WHISPERS: Just don't embarrass me, Alan.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32So, which boozer we going to?
0:10:33 > 0:10:35- Er, I thought we might get a coffee. - Coffee?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Yeah, there's a cafe at the front.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42You know, they do nice, um, you know, custard cakes.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Or we might go to the pub.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48What a good idea, Alan.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Is that going to be OK with your missus?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Well, it better be cos that's what we're doing.
0:10:51 > 0:10:54John, what do you think? Tres cervezas?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- You driving, Carol?- Don't sound so surprised.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Don't think I've ever seen you drive.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Well, normally, Trevor does all the driving,
0:11:04 > 0:11:06but I'm trying to be a bit more independent.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09The counsellor says it helps to stop any feelings of resentment
0:11:09 > 0:11:11I might have towards Trevor
0:11:11 > 0:11:13for controlling aspects of my personal freedom.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14You go, girl.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17Just shows you what you could do when you put your mind to it, eh?
0:11:17 > 0:11:20We just need to stop off at the florist.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22There's one... CRUNCHING SOUND
0:11:22 > 0:11:24There's one at the end of the high street.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Hasn't Elena got a lovely smile?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Such wonderful, clear skin.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30What do they talk about, do you think?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I shouldn't think they do much talking.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I knew we shouldn't have come with him.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Now we're the ones arriving with the Russian tart.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Oh, you're wrong about her, Joyce.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Yeah. She's Lithuanian.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46CRUNCHING
0:11:48 > 0:11:50MUSIC: "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
0:11:50 > 0:11:54# Some folks are born Made to wave the flag
0:11:54 > 0:11:56# Ooh, they're red, white and blue
0:11:57 > 0:12:01# And when the band plays Hail To The Chief
0:12:01 > 0:12:04# Ooh, they point the cannon at you, Lord
0:12:05 > 0:12:06# It ain't me
0:12:06 > 0:12:08# It ain't me
0:12:08 > 0:12:11# I ain't no senator's son, son... #
0:12:15 > 0:12:20All the fun people from back home are either dead or crocked.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Remember Dave Phillips? Used to do a brilliant Tom Jones.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23I remember Dave.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Diabetes. Lost eight of his toes.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27Jesus. Poor sod.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30Certainly put a crimp in his Delilah. HE CHUCKLES
0:12:30 > 0:12:31No, it...it is nice here.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35It's really nice but I couldn't live somewhere like this.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Oh, yeah? Why's that then?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Well, John, in Spain we'd call it "aburrido",
0:12:39 > 0:12:42which means, like, nothing to do.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44You lot must be bored out of your minds in the winter.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48You should all come over and stay with us next year.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50The place is way big enough.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52There's always plenty to do here, actually.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It's nice, but it's not exactly party town, is it?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57I didn't know it was party town you were looking for, Alan.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00So, you're from Lithuania?
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Yes.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04- That's one of the Baltic states, isn't it?- Correct.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07I think your chief exports are textiles and wood pulp.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Is that what men want, do you think?
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Young, Eastern European women?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20I can't see John meeting a foreign girl online.
0:13:20 > 0:13:21I wish Alan would.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24She could come over and do my bloody ironing for me.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Oh, there's one there, look.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27- I won't get in there.- You will!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30It won't fit in there, Joyce, I promise you.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32I've always been a very good judge of length.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36It's all right, Carol. Drive round again.
0:13:38 > 0:13:42You should all be abroad, enjoying yourselves more.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43I mean, look at this lot.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45They all look bloody miserable.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47We deserve better than that, don't we?
0:13:47 > 0:13:48What's wrong with this?
0:13:48 > 0:13:49No, I'm just saying.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52We're part of a golden generation, aren't we?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55Baby boomers, although I don't like the phrase.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58In Spain, we say "ninos de la posguerra",
0:13:58 > 0:14:02and that...that, you know, that captures it so much better for me.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04But look what we did in the '60s.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07We had the first heart transplant,
0:14:07 > 0:14:08we landed on the moon...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- What do you mean, "we"? - I mean "we".
0:14:10 > 0:14:12WE changed the world for the better.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- Did we?- Even Joyce?
0:14:14 > 0:14:15HE LAUGHS
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Oh, that's nice, Alan, when she's not here to defend herself.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Oh, John, John, John.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21There must be something we agree on.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Who was your first crush?
0:14:23 > 0:14:25- Diana Dors.- No, Bridget Bardot.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27My first crush was Carol.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Keep it light, Trevor.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Ooh, look at that.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33- Leeds, 1968. - HE CHUCKLES
0:14:33 > 0:14:36I look like a pipe cleaner wearing someone's demob suit.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39No belly showing there, eh?
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Is this Weymouth?
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Do you remember Weymouth? Great holiday.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Great holiday.
0:14:44 > 0:14:45That's me and Maureen.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Me and Maureen again.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51Oh, and again.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56And, well, of course, Lithuania was the last country in Europe
0:14:56 > 0:14:59to be converted to Christianity, in 1387, I believe.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- Amazing.- Oh, well, I have a friend who travels there quite a lot.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Michael Freeman? You don't know him?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Michael used to work with me at Midland back in the day.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11He was also the first person to run the Asplin 5,
0:15:11 > 0:15:14the first bit of accounting software to be covered
0:15:14 > 0:15:19by the UK Financial Services IT legislation in 1976.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Stop me if I'm boring you.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22No, it's very fascinating.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I don't know how you keep so much in your head.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26Ah, well...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30We'll have to park it somewhere, Carol.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I've got no signal till we get back up the hill.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Is that a space there?
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Where?- There.- I can't see.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Oh, it's gone.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40You've got to dive in, Carol.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43- I'm not much of a diver-inner. - What about there?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45- No, I won't fit in there, Joyce. - You will.
0:15:45 > 0:15:46She won't get in there.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I'll have to go round again.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50She might be having the baby now.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Carol, my love, you've got to park it somewhere,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54otherwise we won't be able to get out, will we?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56I think she's doing very well.
0:15:56 > 0:15:59TALKS QUIETLY: Trevor moved out of the bedroom on Tuesday.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Oh.- Yeah.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03That must be difficult for you.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05Not really.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06I didn't notice till Thursday.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Just go round again, love.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14And we've got the best police force and the best health service.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16- Ha!- I've been to doctors in Spain. They're bloody useless.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19They can't understand you, and no matter what you go in with
0:16:19 > 0:16:21they end up giving you an injection up your arse.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23They don't do that.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Flu, shingles, chest pain, straight up the backside.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28By the time the Spanish people get to our age
0:16:28 > 0:16:30- they've got bums like dartboards. - Ignore him.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Ruth and Pete.- What?- Ruth and Pete.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35Moved out there last year with his gammy leg.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38They have to take a translator every time they go to the doctors.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40He's been on prescription for six months
0:16:40 > 0:16:43and they only found out a month ago it was for erectile dysfunction.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Erectile dysfunction.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Translator messed up there, didn't he, eh?
0:16:47 > 0:16:49Oh, Ruth's got a smile on her face,
0:16:49 > 0:16:52but Pete's leg is still flopping round like a rubber hose.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55- I'm getting another round in. - Another one?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oh, I've only got euros. Cover me, Trevor.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00My friends said, "What are you doing with an old man?"
0:17:00 > 0:17:02But I said to them,
0:17:02 > 0:17:05"We talk, and he makes me laugh, same as your husband."
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And my mother said, "How can you have an old man lying on top of you
0:17:08 > 0:17:12"with his old man skin pressing against your young woman skin?"
0:17:12 > 0:17:13I said to my mother,
0:17:13 > 0:17:17"If I want to marry an older man from another country, I will do it."
0:17:18 > 0:17:20You're so easy to talk to.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26You... Where are you?
0:17:26 > 0:17:27We had to go round again.
0:17:27 > 0:17:29We had somebody up our backside.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I can see her. Tell her to get ready. I can't stop long.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33She's ready. Nip in there.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- No.- What?
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- There's somebody behind me. - Can you stop?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Sorry, love.- Carol, can you stop?
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Carol!
0:17:43 > 0:17:46Catch her next time, eh?
0:17:46 > 0:17:48This guy...this guy, back in the day,
0:17:48 > 0:17:52any bar in town, he was first in, last out.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54He was a monster.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57Alan, were you, or were you not a monster?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59I was a monster.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Oh, are we not walking it? - We've got a car.- How far is it?
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Oh, it's just down the road. - We've got a car.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Midweek at the crematorium?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07You'll never find a parking place up there.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- See, they're queuing up, mate. - It's the same everywhere.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11People die in Spain as well, you know.
0:18:11 > 0:18:14This could be your last chance to do this journey on foot.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15That's it. We're walking.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18All I've been doing is complaining.
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Not at all.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22- But sometimes it's good to talk about problems to a stranger.- Mm-hm.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Some people in this country have difficulty
0:18:24 > 0:18:26to talk about personal things.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Absolutely. A lot of the English are terribly repressed.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29It's very unhealthy.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- I know. We don't have the same problem in Europe.- No?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35We talk more freely about sex, for example.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37- So do I.- It's normal to discuss this.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Exactly. Like talking about the weather.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43We talk about when we do it, how we do it, where we do it.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Where do you and your wife like to make love?
0:18:47 > 0:18:51Well, it varies occasionally, but mainly in Thurne Mouth.
0:18:57 > 0:19:01Oh, I hate funerals. They always make me feel fat.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06What are you doing? It's this way.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08I'm trying to get a signal.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Now, what time is the service again?
0:19:12 > 0:19:144:15.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16Is this the right one?
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I don't know. Don't see anybody I recognise.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20I don't know anybody.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21The only one I'd know is Jean,
0:19:21 > 0:19:24and then only if she's wearing her trackie and headband,
0:19:24 > 0:19:27and I don't suppose she'll have them on today.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- What time is it now?- Four o'clock.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Oh, where's Alan?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Oh, we've still got time.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Jean won't be arriving for another ten minutes.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41- Who's this, then?- Can't be Jean.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You don't have the coffin arriving first.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Well, she was always the first one home on our power walks.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53We've got more oranges than we know what to do with, Alan.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55You've got to come over in the winter.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57They start ripening in about November.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00That is absolutely the best time to be eating them.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Sounds amazing.- Does it? - What's that, John?
0:20:03 > 0:20:05I mean, does it sound amazing, really?
0:20:05 > 0:20:06I mean, it's oranges, mate.
0:20:06 > 0:20:07We've got loads of them in Lidl.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12But not like these, John. I mean, these are huge.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15The juice from one orange would fill a glass carafe.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16I mean they're like this.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Bigger than the ones we get over here.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Those ARE the ones we get over here. We import them.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Yeah, but over there you can pick them off a tree.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25With my back? I'm not picking them off a tree.
0:20:30 > 0:20:33We just go in then, do we, or are we waiting?
0:20:33 > 0:20:34WHISPERS: I don't know, Carol.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37I still haven't seen anybody I know.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39They could all be from Graham's side.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Where the bloody hell is Alan?
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I knew I shouldn't have let him off his lead.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Doesn't know which one it is.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45How could he not know?
0:20:45 > 0:20:47He said they go through every 15 minutes,
0:20:47 > 0:20:49so they've got a rough schedule,
0:20:49 > 0:20:51but they've had a couple of humanist ceremonies today
0:20:51 > 0:20:53and that always throws the timings out.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54What's the difference?
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Oh, humanist ones go on forever, don't they?
0:20:57 > 0:20:58I mean, every two minutes somebody jumps up
0:20:58 > 0:21:02and reads a poem or gets a bloody guitar out.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05That's not a funeral. That's Britain's Got Talent.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Is that Jean, do you think?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11I don't know, Carol. It's hard to tell from here.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14In Lithuania, before a funeral,
0:21:14 > 0:21:16the dead person lies at their home for a day
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- so everyone can come and see the body.- Hmm.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21- You don't have that here?- Oh, no.
0:21:21 > 0:21:23I certainly wouldn't want to lie in state at our house.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26There's not a lot of space in the living room, for one thing.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30I...I suppose they could put me where the coffee table is.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Ah, but no, then you wouldn't be able to see the telly.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33SHE LAUGHS
0:21:33 > 0:21:35- You're very funny.- Am I?
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Yes. You're always making jokes.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Well, I suppose I am, really.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41At work, I was always thought of as the office clown.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43If I was to pick an older man,
0:21:43 > 0:21:46I should have picked someone like you - kind.
0:21:46 > 0:21:47I think you did all right.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49No. Mick's not a kind man.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52That's one of the reasons I'm leaving him.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54That, and he's lost all our money.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57I can't get through to Trevor.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59We'll have to go in without them.
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Well, we still haven't seen anybody we know, Maureen.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Well, they might have gone in before we got here.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06Go and check if it's her.
0:22:06 > 0:22:07I'm not taking the bloody lid off.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09You don't have to take the lid off.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12There's probably a nameplate.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13I haven't got my reading glasses.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Oh, for God's sake.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29WHISPERS: Bye.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Bye.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33SHE MOUTHS
0:22:34 > 0:22:36THEY LAUGH
0:22:36 > 0:22:38- You all right?- I'm fine, Trev, yeah.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Just staying out of the way of the man from Del Monte
0:22:41 > 0:22:43in case he mentions his pool heating system again.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45Oh, he hasn't got one.
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- What do you mean?- He hasn't got a pool or a villa. He's broke.
0:22:49 > 0:22:50I've been talking to Elena.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53He's blown all his money on a dodgy property deal in Malaga.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57They're living in a rented flat by the runway at Alicante Airport.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58She's leaving him, John.
0:23:00 > 0:23:01Yes!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07"We all have our own memories of Jean, which we treasure.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10"She was a special person with so many wonderful qualities."
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Lovely.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14"I'll always remember the time she did the Cherry Hill circuit
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- "in 38 minutes flat." - Yeah, you see...
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- What?- That's...
0:23:19 > 0:23:21- That's walking again, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23It's all been about walking, Carol,
0:23:23 > 0:23:27and I'm not sure many people are going to relate to that.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Although, we are celebrating Jean's life, aren't we?
0:23:30 > 0:23:32And power walking was part of that life.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35People like finding something new out at funerals.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Keeps it fresh.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Here we go. They're playing her last song.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45- Oh, there's some of Jean's.- Oh.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49See? All here on time.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Told you I wouldn't show you up.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54This is so Jean, isn't it? It's perfect.
0:23:54 > 0:23:56- It's the next one.- What?
0:23:56 > 0:23:57This is a different service.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59What do you mean?
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Stop dancing.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07You been in the pub?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09No.
0:24:13 > 0:24:17He's a card, isn't it? Scrapes he's been in.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I tell you what, mate, it makes you wonder how he's managed
0:24:19 > 0:24:21to be as successful as he has.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22It's funny you should say that, because...
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Sometimes, when it's pissing it down with rain,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28or Joyce is into her second hour in Matalan without buying anything,
0:24:28 > 0:24:31I think about Mick, sitting by his pool
0:24:31 > 0:24:33as the sun goes down over the mountains,
0:24:33 > 0:24:37and I think, one day, mate. One day, I'm coming to join you.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40He's got it all sorted, hasn't he?
0:24:40 > 0:24:43Yeah, he's got it sorted.
0:24:45 > 0:24:52MUSIC: "A Whiter Shade Of Pale" by Procol Harum
0:25:06 > 0:25:07WHISPERS: Sorry.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13Welcome to this celebration of Jean's life.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17The first contributor today is Jean's great friend, Carol.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27I'm very honoured...
0:25:27 > 0:25:33RINGTONE PLAYS
0:25:38 > 0:25:40WHISPERS: Lee.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41All right, all right.
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Yeah, we'll see you soon.
0:25:43 > 0:25:44Baby's coming.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Baby's coming.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50First granddaughter.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57What are you doing?
0:25:57 > 0:25:59We're driving down there.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- The car's at the pub.- What pub?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03I've only had a couple of pints.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Oh, my God, we're going to miss it.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Well, it takes one hour per unit to wear off, so...
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Alan, this is not the 1970s.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13You can't drive down to Cornwall drunk.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21You look nice.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22I'll always remember
0:26:22 > 0:26:26the time she did the Cherry Hill circuit in 38 minutes flat.
0:26:27 > 0:26:30- It's amazing...- You all right, Mick?
0:26:32 > 0:26:34I've made a bit of a mess of things.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37You showed up.
0:26:37 > 0:26:38That's the main thing.
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Gracias.
0:26:47 > 0:26:52MUSIC: "Heaven Must Have Sent You" by The Elgins