0:00:02 > 0:00:05MUSIC: The Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson
0:00:09 > 0:00:13# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:00:13 > 0:00:17# Now if there's a smile on my face
0:00:17 > 0:00:22# It's only there trying to fool the public
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# But when it comes down to fooling you
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# Now, honey, that's quite a different subject
0:00:29 > 0:00:34# But don't let my glad expression give you... #
0:00:34 > 0:00:37If you knew they were collecting it today, why didn't you leave it out?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Because you do that sort of thing, Alan.
0:00:39 > 0:00:43I don't know what clothes to put in a charity bag.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47You did it on purpose. You didn't leave it out, cos you don't like the charity.
0:00:47 > 0:00:48What are you talking about?
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- It's racist. That's what it is, Alan.- That is not true.
0:00:51 > 0:00:55Look at this place. Looks more like a bloody prison camp every year.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Why do we keep coming, then? - Cos Maureen loves it, don't she?
0:00:58 > 0:01:01She's in her element here.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04What we need to be doing is spending more time with the baby.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07We'll have to pay for Lee and bloody Suze to come on holiday with us.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10It's either the baby or the prison camp.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12We can't pay for two holidays.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17"Don't know what clothes to put in." What's Africa ever done to you?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22What you looking at me like that for?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I'm not looking at you. I'm doing my neck exercises.
0:01:24 > 0:01:29Next year...and I know we say this every year, but this year I mean it.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Next year, Alan, we're booking somewhere different.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36I'm going to tell Maureen straight. We're done with this place.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Here they are. We were getting worried.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43We thought you'd changed your mind and weren't coming.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46Miss the weekender? I don't think so.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49It's the highlight of our year, isn't it, Alan?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53We got stuck on the 148. Some hold-up at Fakenham.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55- Should have gone A47, Al.- I didn't know there was a hold-up.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I've been trying to call you to tell you.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- Is your phone switched off again?- It's on silent.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Why?- I'm on holiday.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06What's the point in having a phone if it's permanently on silent? You can't be on holiday all the time.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- What do you think retirement means?- You got your party boots on, Al?- My what?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13For dancing. There's live bands tomorrow night.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15You checked in yet?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18No, we were waiting for you. Thought it was easier all together. Go and sort us out, John.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20You seen the line-up tomorrow night?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Top bands. The Searchers. Brian Poole And The Tremeloes.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26- They still going, are they? - I think there's the odd band member missing.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Strictly speaking it's Brian Poole And The Tremeloe.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Mum, if you don't like what's on the menu, they'll change it for you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36They will have something apart from Chinese.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Yes, we're here. It's lovely.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Yes, she's here. Ha-ha! Mum says hello.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44Hi, Joan!
0:02:44 > 0:02:47All right, then. Speak to you later. Bye.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- LIFT DOORS PING - Bye.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Bye.
0:02:55 > 0:02:59First time we've been away since she went into the home, they're giving her Chinese.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02She has been off Chinese food for years.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Yeah, when it got too spicy for her.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07No. When they took back Hong Kong.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11I'm not racist, am I?
0:03:11 > 0:03:12What?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Not filling up the African charity bags, that's not racist, is it?
0:03:15 > 0:03:17No.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19But you are racist.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22She's on the phone every five minutes, Joy.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25If I didn't have this weekend to get away, I'd go nuts.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Well, it's your time, isn't it?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30We should book up for next year while we're here, shouldn't we?
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- You get a big discount for booking early.- It's funny you should say that...
0:03:33 > 0:03:35They're here.
0:03:35 > 0:03:36- Oh, hi!- Hello.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- Hi, girls. - All arrived safely, then?
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Yeah. All ready to rock out?
0:03:41 > 0:03:44It's about time one of us won the dance competition, isn't it?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Yeah, me and Carol have got a good chance this year,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49because I've been working on throwing in a few contemporary moves.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52Oh, brilliant.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Go, Trev!
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- Come on, Carol, get over here. - Yeah, leave the boys to it.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- All right there, Trev?- Ah, very good, John. Yourself?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03- I'm good, mate. - Yeah.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Everything's very harmonious in our household at the moment.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I think counselling's the best decision I ever made.
0:04:09 > 0:04:13I'm going to surprise Carol with a package tomorrow night.
0:04:13 > 0:04:15TREV RUSTLES PAPER
0:04:15 > 0:04:20They do romance packages, you know, roses with dinner, that sort of thing.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22I just have to choose which one.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25They do a gold and a silver package.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Oh.
0:04:27 > 0:04:32With the gold, you get a live acoustic performance by The Searchers...
0:04:32 > 0:04:33actually at your table.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37- And what's the silver package? - Two live performances.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39We going to book some activities, then?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I thought I'd wait and see what the boys want to do first.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Oh, do we have to? We can do things without them, you know.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47What, let them do stuff on their own?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50You have to give your other half some space, Joyce,
0:04:50 > 0:04:53otherwise you get into an unhealthy co-dependent relationship,
0:04:53 > 0:04:56where he's just waiting for you to tell him what to do the whole time.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58And that's a bad thing?
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I think we should play it by ear. It's a weekender.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03We're supposed to party on, girls.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06You know, I read in some survey
0:05:06 > 0:05:09that people in their 60s are actually like teenagers.
0:05:09 > 0:05:14No kids to look after, no job to get up for. No responsibilities, you see.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17We can do whatever we want!
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I don't think you should be taking notice of surveys, Carol.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23You don't know who they're asking.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I was watching this programme on telly about this guru in India,
0:05:27 > 0:05:2970 if he was a day,
0:05:29 > 0:05:33and he was nailing his penis to a piece of wood every morning
0:05:33 > 0:05:35as an act of religious devotion.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38I saw that, and I don't usually watch documentaries.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41What if they'd surveyed him?
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Would you be handing Trevor
0:05:42 > 0:05:45a piece of four by two every morning with his porridge?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I don't think so, Carol.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51- LIFT DOORS PING - No, there's nothing else under the name of Mitchell.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55- But we booked online weeks ago.- I'm sorry. There's nothing we can do.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58It's a cock-up. We'll get it sorted. Have another look, love.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00I do have other customers to serve.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02- What's up?- They've only booked us in one room.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07- Maybe you filled out the form wrong. - I don't think we did. Couldn't we just book another two now?
0:06:07 > 0:06:11As I've already said, we're fully booked. You're actually standing in the way there.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15Oh, I'm sorry(!) We're only just trying to help you rectify your mistake.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Bit racist.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20- What's the hold-up?- We're only booked in for one room.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21Oh, my God.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- There is one other room available. - We'll take that.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26But that's reserved for people who need wheelchair access.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31What?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34This has all worked out OK.
0:06:34 > 0:06:35For who?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Oh, come on, Al. You've taken one for the team, mate.
0:06:37 > 0:06:41- Why can't you take one for the team? - No-one'd believe I was unfit, Alan.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44But you do look a bit down in the mouth, don't you?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47He always looks a bit down in the mouth. I don't know why.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49CAROL: Be fun, mucking in together. MOBILE RINGS
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Hey, Carol, no sneaking into the boys' dorm tonight.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53SHE LAUGHS
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Yes, Mum.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Did you tell Maureen not to book for next year?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I thought you were going to tell her.
0:06:59 > 0:07:00I can't tell her, can I?
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Why not?
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Duh! She'll think I don't want to go on holiday with them.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- You don't want to go on holiday with them.- Exactly.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Hey, listen, can I get out of this thing now? Shh!
0:07:10 > 0:07:12They're in your side table, Mum.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17Your Hunger Games DVDs. They're in the table at the side of your bed.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Here we are. Boys' room.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22So, is that it, then? We're going to turn in?
0:07:22 > 0:07:23It's gone ten.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- Nobody fancy a nightcap? - No, not me. I'm bushed.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28We don't want to overdo it on our first day.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31- Trev, are you coming? - No, no, I...I'm pooped.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33It was a long drive down, wasn't it?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35- You go down without me, love. - Oh.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- Have fun. - All right. Night-night.
0:07:37 > 0:07:38- Night, Carol. - See ya.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Night, Joyce. Sleep well.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42She's going down on her own.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Maybe I ought to go down and keep an eye on her.
0:07:45 > 0:07:49Er...mind you, it is late. I'll probably turn in.
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Night, Joyce.
0:07:54 > 0:07:59Right, so, I've put your vitamin pills in the side pocket of the holdall,
0:07:59 > 0:08:01and your blood pressure ones in the back.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Your toothbrush is with your pants,
0:08:03 > 0:08:07and you've only brought two pairs so you're going to have to do without again.
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Going commando, are we, Al? Ready for action at the drop of a hat?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14He'll need a bit more notice than that.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18Oh, I tell you what, I'm looking forward to a nice kip.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- TV ON - Well, you must be exhausted.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27What do you make of Carol going down to the bar?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- I don't know. - And Trevor letting her.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31I mean, what's the point of coming away
0:08:31 > 0:08:34if you're not going to spend any time together?
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Well, you heard her. They're avoiding co-dependence.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Oh, don't you start. You're sounding as doolally as she is.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Giving each other space and doing whatever we want.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Where's it all going to end, Maureen?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45DOOR CREAKS
0:08:45 > 0:08:49Ooh! See you later, then. Don't wait up. Ha-ha!
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Dennis?
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Dennis, I thought it was you!
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Carol?- Oh, my God! I haven't seen you in... What?
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- 20 years.- Yeah, must be 20 years!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- You haven't changed a bit. - Neither have you.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04This is a turn-up, isn't it?
0:09:04 > 0:09:05It's Dennis Hayes.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Hi. - We used to work together at...
0:09:08 > 0:09:10What's the name? What was it called?
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- Holland & Turner's, yeah. - Holland & Turner's.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16We're friends on Facebook, though. He posts on my wall every now and then, don't you?
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- Yeah. - God, what a small world!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- What are you doing here? - On the weekender.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- On your own? - Well, kind of.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Coach party. You know, singles.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I'm just going down to the bar for a nightcap.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Want to come with? - Oh, lovely.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Oh, Dennis Hayes. Who'd have thought?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Oh, it's so nice to see you. - Lovely to see you.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40MUSIC: 20th Century Boy by T-Rex
0:09:45 > 0:09:49# Friends say it's fine Friends say it's good
0:09:49 > 0:09:53# Everybody says it's just like Robin Hood
0:09:59 > 0:10:02# I move like a cat, charge like a ram
0:10:02 > 0:10:04# Sting like a bee
0:10:04 > 0:10:08# Babe, I wanna be your man
0:10:08 > 0:10:10# Hey! #
0:10:14 > 0:10:15MUSIC STOPS
0:10:15 > 0:10:18SPEAKS GERMAN
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Hey, we've got German news. Ha-ha!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Look, she's German and talking German.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Really makes you feel like you're on holiday, doesn't it?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- In Germany?- It's a nice place, Germany. Nice people.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Well, they are now.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35- ALAN: Bit racist. - Fantastic roads.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37And do you know, in the gents' at the service stations,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39you can buy male incontinence pads.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40I didn't know that.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Little ones for that extra little bit that comes out at the end.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45- Not that I'm saying you need one. - No.
0:10:45 > 0:10:50That little extra bit that comes out at the end. Oh, that's an issue for all ages.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53In fact, the bloke on the packet, on the machine, is in his 30s.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- Is he?- Aye. Good-looking bloke in a suit.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59If it was this country, the bloke on the packet would be some old bugger in a wheelchair.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Hey, they've got handles on the bath and the high toilet seat's really comfortable.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06So, er...how are we going to do this?
0:11:06 > 0:11:09Well, I don't mind having the put-me-up.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- I don't mind having it either. - I don't mind sharing.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16I've already taken one for the team.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23BED RATTLES
0:11:23 > 0:11:27I mean, what if she don't come back tonight? What are we going to tell Trevor?
0:11:27 > 0:11:31Puts a fly in the ointment. I mean, there's so much I wanted us to get through tomorrow.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35Spa treatments, Duncan Norvelle, The Searchers.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38I'm assuming we're not going to get as far as Suzi Quatro.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40MOBILE RINGS
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Hi, Mum.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44We should never have let her drift off from the herd.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47She'll get picked off like some lame wildebeest.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Hanging about in hotel bars?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Reflects badly on us as well. People will think we're all at it.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Might as well be out in the car park, dogging.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58No, that's Joyce.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Just push the handle down, Mum, like they showed you.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05She says she can't get the door open, can't get out.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Just ring the emergency cord, Mum.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12They'll come and open it for you. All right?
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Talk tomorrow, Mum.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17I tell you what, Joyce, nothing drags you down as much
0:12:17 > 0:12:20as a chat with your mum about her care-home accommodation.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23I'll book something for us for tomorrow.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Be nice to all be together.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27I mean, let's face it,
0:12:27 > 0:12:30we don't know how many more of these weekends we've got left.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Mum, it's me. You got that door open yet?
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Oh!
0:12:40 > 0:12:41No, that's Joyce again.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Oh! Oh! Oh!
0:12:47 > 0:12:49# Oh, yeah
0:12:51 > 0:12:53# Oh, yeah
0:12:55 > 0:12:59# I'm up on the 11th floor and I'm watching the cruisers below
0:13:01 > 0:13:04# Oh, my heart's in the basement
0:13:04 > 0:13:06# My weekend's at an all-time low
0:13:08 > 0:13:10# Cos she's hoping to score
0:13:10 > 0:13:13# So I can't see her letting him go
0:13:15 > 0:13:17# Oh, yeah. #
0:13:20 > 0:13:21GRUNTS
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Trevor?
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Trevor?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31What?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33What's that?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38- It's my hot-water bottle. - WATER SLOSHES
0:13:38 > 0:13:40As you were.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44BIRDSONG
0:13:48 > 0:13:50You don't need to be in that any more.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54It's just in case we see somebody, you know, reception staff, till we get another room sorted out.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56- He likes it. - He has got a sore neck.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Well, we've all got a sore neck, Trevor. It's whether you choose to acknowledge it.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01I mean, if you let yourself think old,
0:14:01 > 0:14:03you'll be old and then there's no way back.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04I am 67.
0:14:04 > 0:14:11- You're not old, Alan. None of us are old.- Who is old, then?- Well, anyone ten years older than us.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12LOW CHATTER
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Thank you.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21You sleep all right?
0:14:21 > 0:14:26Not really. Joyce and Maureen wear overnight orthodontic braces.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29They rattle like false teeth when they breathe.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30It's like sleeping in a joke shop.
0:14:32 > 0:14:35Well, it should be a good night tonight. The Searchers are on.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- Are they? - You remember them.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Barely, to be honest, and don't say anything to Maureen.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Do you know how much she loves all that stuff? I think it's a bit sad.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48Everyone going mad over all these old farts hobbling around a stage.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50I mean, we're not 18 any more,
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and all The Searchers are doing is reminding us of that
0:14:52 > 0:14:56and dragging us down into a big, deep, depressing hole.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Be great to meet them, though.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02You sleep all right in the end?
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Yeah, lovely.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06- The bed stopped folding you up? - Yeah.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09You just have to jam your leg in the mechanism. It was fine.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Next door?
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Yeah, they stopped arguing about three.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- So, you did get some sleep? - Then they started having sex.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19But after they'd finished, it was lovely. Slept like a log.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23We're all booked in for the dance class this morning
0:15:23 > 0:15:25and for the competition this evening.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30That's me and Alan, Maureen and John, Carol and Trevor. Yeah.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32I think Trevor wanted to go bowling, didn't you?
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Well, yes, I did, actually.
0:15:34 > 0:15:38Oh, right. I thought we were all going...
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Yes, well, I wanted to spend some quality time with the lads.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43Yeah, but they don't want to go bowling.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46You don't want to go bowling, do you, Alan?
0:15:46 > 0:15:49Well, if Trevor's keen, I could keep him company.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53Well, we can bowl. Have you not seen the Paralympics?
0:15:53 > 0:15:56Well, what about you, John? Are you up for some male bonding?
0:15:56 > 0:15:58Didn't we do enough of that last night?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Yeah, but we're already all booked in on the system.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03- No, you didn't need to do that.- Well, Joyce got all that sorted out.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I mean, I did think she was getting in a bit early.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I usually do the activities, as you know, but...
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Joyce seemed very keen to take the reins.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Which is fine. One less job for me.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16But we do seem to be in a bit of a mess.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19It's no problem. We can go into the booking system and change it.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I mean, how hard can that be?
0:16:22 > 0:16:27- MACHINE:- 'Touch screen to clear. Touch screen to clear. Touch screen to clear.'
0:16:27 > 0:16:30- Touch screen to clear. I just did that.- Well, go back to menu.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32It won't clear.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Try a different finger.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- What about "options"? - Go on, then.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43See?
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, sorry, lads. We're having a bit of trouble with this.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Oh, no rush. We're going on the climbing wall so it shouldn't be too busy.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51The screen seems to have stuck.
0:16:51 > 0:16:56Yeah, you're in, er...demonstration mode. What activity are you after?
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Well, there's a lot to choose from, isn't there?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I quite fancy the quad-biking, but then there's the jet-ski hire.
0:17:02 > 0:17:06- I thought we were playing bowls. - Yeah. I've already got that page up for you.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12MUSIC: It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones
0:17:14 > 0:17:16I don't know why we can't just let her get on with it.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21I just want to make sure she's not going to do anything she regrets later.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I feel a responsibility towards Trevor.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26We brought her on this weekend, Maureen.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29They were all queuing up to pounce on her.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32I don't see anyone queuing up to pounce on us.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Good, I'm quite happy
0:17:33 > 0:17:36not having to deal with all that kind of thing all over again,
0:17:36 > 0:17:37thank you very much.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Not even the really old ones.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43Are you cross with me for booking the activities?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I didn't mean to tread on your toes, Maureen,
0:17:46 > 0:17:50but I just thought booking another aromatherapy and whale music session
0:17:50 > 0:17:52wasn't going to do anyone any good this year.
0:17:52 > 0:17:56I don't care what we do, Joyce, as long as we're having fun.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59If I'd have known it was going to be a mass orgy,
0:17:59 > 0:18:02I'd have thought twice about coming, and I certainly wouldn't have brought Alan.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06This is a bloody stupid idea.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08A climbing wall.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I was quite looking forward to the bowling.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12We haven't had a game in a while, the three of us together.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- Bowling's an old men's game. - We are old men.
0:18:15 > 0:18:19- You're setting your sights too low. - It's OK, you carry on with whatever senile fantasy
0:18:19 > 0:18:20is playing out inside your head,
0:18:20 > 0:18:23but we are having no part of it, are we, Trevor?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24I'll give it a whirl.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- What?- I'm game.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27What do you mean, you're game?
0:18:27 > 0:18:30Well, how hard can it be? I mean, we're in pretty good shape.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Trevor, you can't get the lid off your Wellman pills.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40MUSIC: Help Yourself by Tom Jones
0:18:41 > 0:18:44I'm just saying if you don't like whale music,
0:18:44 > 0:18:46why do you let me book it every year?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48We could have done Suzi Quatro instead.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52Well, being honest with yourself, Maureen, would that have been any better?
0:18:52 > 0:18:56I wouldn't want to force you to come on holiday with us every year.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Well, maybe that's something we've got to think about for next time.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Yeah.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Yeah, maybe it is.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10# We're always told repeatedly
0:19:12 > 0:19:16# The very best in life is free... #
0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Hey!- Hey.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22How's it going? You guys cool? Do you need help?
0:19:22 > 0:19:24- We're cool. - And we need help.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Exactly, we're cool and we need help.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Cool.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32MUSIC: (If Paradise Is) Half As Nice by Amen Korner
0:19:35 > 0:19:39I wouldn't mind coming again, Maureen. The problem is Lee and Suze.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42They're not spending any time with us,
0:19:42 > 0:19:45and the only way I know I'm going to see my granddaughter
0:19:45 > 0:19:47is if we pay to take them on holiday with us.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49You have to do what you have to do, Joyce,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52but once you start organising your life around your grandkids,
0:19:52 > 0:19:54it's a slippery slide you're on, Joy.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I mean, you're giving up on your own life.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58I had a friend,
0:19:58 > 0:20:03paid for her family to go on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday to Lapland.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05She wasn't up to it, Joy.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08She fell off the back of the dogsled on the wilderness ride,
0:20:08 > 0:20:10and nobody noticed till they got back to the hotel.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13She lost three toes to frostbite.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17If that's the way you want to go, Joy...
0:20:17 > 0:20:22We can't afford two holidays, Maureen, and you have to think ahead, don't you?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I mean, what's going to happen in five, ten years?
0:20:24 > 0:20:29I mean, I can look after Alan, but when he goes and I'm on my own...
0:20:29 > 0:20:33Got to think ahead, haven't you? Got to think about these things.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34You reckon he'll go first?
0:20:34 > 0:20:38He'll go first. It's like with the washing up.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Always leaves me to finish off the drying.
0:20:40 > 0:20:45# ..as heaven that you take me to
0:20:45 > 0:20:47# Who needs paradise... #
0:20:47 > 0:20:53You're not going to prove anything to anyone, you know. You're just going to make idiots of yourselves.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55- Ready to climb?- Yeah, raring to go, ain't we, Trev?
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Yeah. Erm... I was just wondering about the safety procedure.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Oh, yeah?- Yeah.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05As in, what's the general... what's the safety procedure generally?
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Oh, well, the usual drill. - Excellent.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10You know, lock off your karabiner, get your signals clear,
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- that kind of stuff.- Yeah.- In here we use, "ready to belay, belay on", when we're ready to belay,
0:21:14 > 0:21:18- "climbing" when we're ready to climb.- Ready to belay, belay on, climbing.- That's right.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- But you can use whatever, really. - No, we'll use that.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- OK.- Well, that's put my mind at rest.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28If you're thinking about the standard of safety generally of the equipment...
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Oh, yeah, that's it. The equipment standards.
0:21:30 > 0:21:33- We're all good. - Oh, well, that's fine.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35And obviously, you know, don't be touching the anchor ropes.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- THEY CHUCKLE - Obviously.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Yeah, actually, I'm...I'm not doing it.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- You're missing out.- Staying alive is what I'm doing.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45Being alive is not the same as living your life.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- You guys have climbed before, right?- Oh, yeah.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Course you have. Probably climbed more than me.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54Sorry, it's like teaching my grandmother how to suck eggs. My...my grandfather.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Not my grandfather, like, like, cos you're not as old as my...
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- More like an uncle, really. - Just leave it.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03Sure, OK. So, what have you climbed before? Are you local or what?
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Oh, around. Lots of places. You know the Old Man of Hoy?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Shit! No way! Have you climbed the Old Man?
0:22:09 > 0:22:12It was a long time ago. It's...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14It was the Middle-Aged Man of Hoy back then.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20You know what your trouble is, Joy? You worry too much.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22You should take it easy. Look at Carol.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25Carol's enjoying herself.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29I know she's being a bit of a tart, but she looks good on it, doesn't she?
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Oh! Oh, I'm exhausted.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I don't know what it is about gay men, but you're always such fabulous dancers, aren't you?
0:22:35 > 0:22:38They send us on a special course.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Now, either of you ladies fancy a quick workout?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41No, thanks.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I don't think we could keep up, could we?
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I'm going to wait for Trevor to get back.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49We're having an aromatherapy session with whale music.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Sounds lovely, doesn't it?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Anyway, nice seeing you, Carol.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- We'll have to get together for another boogie next year. - Yay!- Bye.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58- MUSIC PLAYS - Dennis?
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Mind my bag.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- Dance? - Oh!
0:23:02 > 0:23:05# Everybody... #
0:23:05 > 0:23:08MUSIC: Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey
0:23:20 > 0:23:22- On belay.- OK.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Oh, sorry. Belay on.
0:23:33 > 0:23:34He's going to kill himself.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36- He's not. - I'm not catching him.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39He needs to get some confidence back, discover his balls.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Shouldn't be too difficult.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Next time we go away, Mum, you come with us.
0:23:47 > 0:23:51Well, wouldn't really make any difference, would it?
0:23:51 > 0:23:52SONG ENDS
0:23:54 > 0:23:56You see, you're not too shabby, are you?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58- MUSIC STARTS - Ooh.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00You ready to pick it up a bit?
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Yeah. Yeah, why not? Come on.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- Oh. - Ooh.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06THUD
0:24:06 > 0:24:09No, Mum, that's Joyce again.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19You can do it, Trev. Go on!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21The old fart's going to beat him.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Trev, he's going to do it, he's going to do it.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Go on, Trevor!
0:24:29 > 0:24:31You should have played bowls, mate.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- Yes!- Unbelievable, Trev.
0:24:35 > 0:24:36John?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39- Told you. - You did. You told me.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- John? - It's all up here, Alan.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44See, the human body is an amazingly resilient machine.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46It's all about how you manage yourself.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48- John? - Yeah, all right, Trev.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50You know, Trevor was telling me, actually,
0:24:50 > 0:24:54that they've isolated the ageing gene in the nematode worms.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57They breed the gene from them, Alan, and they just don't get old.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58That technology's there.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Ha-ha! If we keep ourselves fit, who knows what's round the corner?
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- Are you talking about immortality? - I'm talking about science, Alan.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- John?! - What?
0:25:07 > 0:25:09I can't get down!
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- What do you mean? - I'm stuck!
0:25:15 > 0:25:16I'll go and find the guy.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I'll go up and get him. Give me some slack, Al.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- Eh? - Some rope. Slack rope.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34THUD Oh.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Was that a person?
0:25:42 > 0:25:44All right? Done my hip.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Over-enthusiastic dance partner yesterday.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50I'm in this thing for six months, they reckon.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54What's yours? Spinal injury?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Yeah.
0:25:57 > 0:25:58Sorry.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02You know, medical science is making progress all the time.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04You should never give up hope.
0:26:06 > 0:26:09You'll have to leave it there, Alan!
0:26:11 > 0:26:13HE CLEARS THROAT All the best.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22- TREVOR:- All right, Dennis? Bearing up?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Poor thing. See you soon. Bye.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26Nice for you to run into an old friend.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Hope you didn't mind me sneaking into your room for a cuddle last night.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- I didn't mind at all.- Hm.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Kept John awake, though.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36So, we won't do Hollingers again next year.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- No. - It's not been the same.
0:26:38 > 0:26:44No. A lot going on. Baby Emilia for us, your mum, Trevor and Carol.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47At Vister village, down the coast,
0:26:47 > 0:26:51they do a brilliant revival weekend, all cover groups.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Sounds fun. The Rolling Clones and the Grateful Dead Ringers.
0:26:55 > 0:26:56Shall I book it?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- Yeah, why not? - THEY LAUGH
0:27:02 > 0:27:03- See you. - Take care.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05- Bye!- Bye.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08- Which way you going back? - 148.
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- This time of day? - Yes, this time of day.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12You'll hit the Norwich traffic.
0:27:12 > 0:27:15No, I won't, because that... We'll be going the other way.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17Well, I'm going round the top on the 140.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20# Dirty old river
0:27:20 > 0:27:25# Must you keep rolling Flowing into the night?
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# People so busy, make me feel dizzy
0:27:31 > 0:27:34# Taxi light shines so bright
0:27:35 > 0:27:43# But I don't need no friends
0:27:44 > 0:27:51# As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset I am in paradise... #