0:00:08 > 0:00:09AIR HISSES
0:00:09 > 0:00:12Alan, wake up, you're deflating.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13I'm awake.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15I'm writing a review for TripAdvisor.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17"Worst place ever stayed in."
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Oh, that's nice, on Trevor's 65th birthday.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21They appreciate the feedback, Joyce.
0:00:21 > 0:00:24The only way they can make this place better -
0:00:24 > 0:00:26short of dropping a bomb on it.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29MUFFLED MOANING
0:00:29 > 0:00:30What's going on next-door?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32BANGING AND MOANING
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Bit early for all that, isn't it?
0:00:33 > 0:00:37Carol's bought him an exercise machine for his birthday.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40- I'm slipping off! - Hold on to something!
0:00:40 > 0:00:42- I'm too sweaty! - Oh, come on, Trevor.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44- You can go a bit faster than that! - Oh!
0:00:44 > 0:00:48Just put up with roughing it for a couple of days for Trevor.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49It's the same for all of us.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57This cappuccino's not right.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59We haven't got a frothing machine.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01How do people live like this?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:01:16 > 0:01:19# Now, if there's a smile on my face
0:01:20 > 0:01:23# It's only there trying to fool the public
0:01:23 > 0:01:27# But when it comes down to fooling you
0:01:27 > 0:01:31# Now, honey, that's quite a different subject
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# But don't let my glad expression
0:01:34 > 0:01:35# Give you... #
0:01:35 > 0:01:38The loo in the shower block's broken. Can I use yours?
0:01:38 > 0:01:39I'd rather you didn't.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42- Thanks(!)- Oh, it's rented and I don't want to lose the deposit.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Alan! Alan!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46The day of the living dead.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48Where's my clothes bag?
0:01:48 > 0:01:49It's not in the tent.
0:01:49 > 0:01:51- Did you pack it? - I thought you did.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Oh, no, Alan.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55What about the clothes you came in?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Oh, you mean the damp ones here?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00The ones you used to try and plug the gap under the tent
0:02:00 > 0:02:03and then spilled your tea on?
0:02:03 > 0:02:07I can't hop around in a sleeping bag all of the weekend, Alan.
0:02:07 > 0:02:08Don't worry, Joyce.
0:02:08 > 0:02:09Maureen will fix you up.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Maureen, dig out some of your clothes for Joyce.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13Where's the suitcase?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- In the lounge! - You've got a lounge?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Maureen wanted top-of-the-range.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19How much are you shelling out per day?
0:02:19 > 0:02:20For Maureen? God knows.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Come here.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I've booked us on a bike ride for Trevor's birthday.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26What?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I've hired three bikes, got all the gear.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30Trevor wants to do it. He said he wants to get fit.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33- I'm not doing that. - Come on, it's just a bit of fun.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35I'm not dressed for it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Maureen! Dig out a pair of my shorts for Alan.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Which ones?- Lycra.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41I'm not wearing Lycra!
0:02:41 > 0:02:43All right, but shorts at least.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44How far is it?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46It's a 5k trail through the forest...
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- Well, 5k's not too bad. - ..going round four times.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- What?- Come on, Alan, it's for charity.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54All the money raised is going to Age UK.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- You're basically investing in your future.- No, no.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Alan, if this is what he wants to do, we've got to back him up.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Nobody complained at your 65th.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04We didn't do anything for my 65th.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05And no-one complained.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09I don't think my knee can take it. It was very painful last night, with all the damp.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Come on, Alan! Where's your sense of adventure?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13We're part of the active generation.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15You know, me and you
0:03:15 > 0:03:18are probably the only two 60-somethings in the country
0:03:18 > 0:03:20that haven't abseiled down Mount Kilimanjaro for charity.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I suppose it'll get us off this bloody campsite.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25The place is full of loonies.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28- Moaning!- Morning. - Lovely day for it.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31- If you can get it, that is! - HE LAUGHS
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Come on, dumpling, get a move on.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Don't laugh, this is the wife!
0:03:35 > 0:03:37Morning!
0:03:37 > 0:03:39I can't believe Trevor actually likes this place.
0:03:39 > 0:03:40Only two more days.
0:03:40 > 0:03:41I'm not going to make it.
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Be strong, Alan.
0:03:43 > 0:03:46- Morning!- Nice here, isn't it?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Fantastic!- It's a great place.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Fresh air, lovely...trees.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Hi, Trevor!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, hi! Morning!
0:03:53 > 0:03:54We love it, don't we, Carol?
0:03:54 > 0:03:56It's a home from home.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57You know this caravan?
0:03:57 > 0:03:5820 years old.
0:04:03 > 0:04:04Good story.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05John.
0:04:05 > 0:04:0720 years old today!
0:04:07 > 0:04:10So, as well as my birthday, it's our van-iversary!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12But this is our last trip in it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14We're selling up. She's falling to bits.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Yeah, well, I'm not surprised,
0:04:15 > 0:04:18the pounding you were giving it this morning.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Well, I like to jump on the exercise bike first thing in the morning.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- That's no way to talk about Carol! - A few people from the site
0:04:23 > 0:04:25are coming round for a barbecue to see her off.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27- "People from the site?" - Oh, friends of ours, regulars.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30They'll all be bringing something they've cooked themselves.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- Hi, Trevor.- Hey, Harry. Good to see you!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- Probably roadkill. - We'll see you later!
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Yes, well, I'll take these clothes to Joyce,
0:04:37 > 0:04:40then I'll be back to get some maps and helmets.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42It'll be a shame to get rid of this old girl
0:04:42 > 0:04:43but time moves on.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- We need to think about what we're going to replace her with.- Yeah!
0:04:46 > 0:04:49I have seen a couple of static caravans.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53There's an Atlas Jasmine Lodge 220 going for ten grand.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54But we need to act quick,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57those things get snapped up super-fast -
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- like custard creams in a care home. - I bet.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01I'm going to get ready.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Don't let him buy another one.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- What?- I hate caravanning.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- I thought you... - I've been living a lie.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12I can't face towing a horse box with a toilet
0:05:12 > 0:05:14up and down the M5 for another 20 years.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16He's thinking of getting a static!
0:05:16 > 0:05:17What is a static?
0:05:17 > 0:05:19A caravan that doesn't move.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20That's a bungalow, isn't it?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22We're going to be stuck here forever!
0:05:22 > 0:05:25And you'll be coming to visit every year.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Why don't you just tell him that you don't want to do it any more?
0:05:28 > 0:05:30I can't do that, it's been going on too long.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33He'll know I've been lying to him all these years.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36But I thought your new thing was being open and honest with each other.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Well, yeah, about our physical and emotional needs.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41(Not about caravans.)
0:05:41 > 0:05:43What time are you back?
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- You're all right doing the barbecue, aren't you?- Yeah, yeah.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- Yeah, you go and have fun. - You leave it to us, we'll muck in.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50I'm getting used to roughing it.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54I've already had to do without my jojoba-oil scalp treatment this morning.
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Right, well, come on. We're going to miss the start.
0:05:57 > 0:05:58Please?
0:06:01 > 0:06:02What's that on your head?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04It's a GoPro.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05I'm filming the whole event.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08- We can watch it later. - Evidence for the coroner.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I hope you weren't using that last night with Carol, Trevor!
0:06:11 > 0:06:15We wouldn't want to watch that as a double bill.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Right, now they've gone, we can relax.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- Do you want a buck's fizz? - Oh, it's a bit early, isn't it?
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- It's after ten o'clock, Carol. - Not for me.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Ooh. - LEATHER CREAKS
0:06:26 > 0:06:28How do I look?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Great!- I didn't get much sleep.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32You wouldn't know.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Joyce, you look like you're in pain.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36They're supposed to be tight.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Fashion's painful, Joyce.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40There's a price to pay for looking fabulous.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Look at Victoria Beckham. Why do you think she never smiles?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45She's in constant agony, Joyce.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46I'll get you some talc.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50You'll need free movement if you're doing the barbie.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Do you think I should have invited Maureen and John
0:06:53 > 0:06:55to the theatre last week for Trevor's first birthday treat?
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Sorry, Carol, you'll have to speak up.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00These trousers are so tight, they're blocking my ears.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03It's just, I didn't really think it would be her sort of thing.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06I've been to the theatre with her before and she just kept asking
0:07:06 > 0:07:08if there was anyone in it from off the telly.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Oh, don't feel bad, Carol.
0:07:09 > 0:07:13It's just, it's more my thing than it is Maureen's, that's all.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Yeah, she's more into fashion and beauty.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18You don't really care about that stuff any more...
0:07:20 > 0:07:23..which actually makes you even more beautiful!
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Carol says you're thinking of getting a static.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Oh, well, you can get a second-hand one for about 15 grand.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38If you get a good deal, it's a sound investment.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40For a caravan with no wheels?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Stick these on your bikes, lads.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45THEY LAUGH
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Is this gear necessary?
0:07:47 > 0:07:50It reduces drag, Alan. You want to be streamlined.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Anything sticking out is going to slow your time down.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54THEY LAUGH
0:07:54 > 0:07:55What was that?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Nothing.- You've never seen a man in cycling shorts before?
0:07:58 > 0:08:02Yeah, look, we're all doing it for charity. It's just a bit of fun.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03He's sensitive about his body.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05I can handle myself.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I wouldn't in those shorts.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09What's this? Hospital tag already?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12It tells the organisers which category you're in.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15We're in "Leisure Riders".
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yeah, we're in the Advanced group. It's a different colour.
0:08:17 > 0:08:20If I was on my own, I'd be in the Advanced.
0:08:20 > 0:08:21I thought it was just a charity ride.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Well, obviously, they're timing everyone, so it's a race as well.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- You said this wouldn't be competitive.- It's not competitive!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30I just want to make sure we get as good a time as we can.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31We work together as a team,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33get in each other's slipstream.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34It's about pride, Alan.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Pushing yourself to your limit.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39We can win our group if we ride together as a team.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Now, are we going to do this?- Yes! - Well, come on!
0:08:41 > 0:08:44We're just waiting for the rest of the party.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47- We're waiting for someone else? - Yes, friends of mine from the site.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49Here they are! You'll really get on.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Moanin' again!
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Chris, JJ, this is John and Alan.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Now, Chris, be gentle with them.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58They don't own a van!
0:08:58 > 0:08:59What?
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Sapristi bompetts, Eccles!
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Whoa! Sapristi bompetts, Bluebottle!
0:09:04 > 0:09:06THEY LAUGH
0:09:06 > 0:09:08We do a lot of the Goon Show stuff.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Yes, many's the night they've spent round the fire pit,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13conducting the entire conversations as Bluebottle and Eccles!
0:09:13 > 0:09:16And people say there's nothing to do on campsites at night(!)
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Why do we always get left to do the cooking?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Oh, it's the same every time we come here.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Trevor goes off doing some activity and I'm left to do the food.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28It's not a holiday, is it?
0:09:28 > 0:09:32It's outrageous, having to slave over a hot stove all afternoon.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34We're always left in the background, aren't we?
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Every woman on this campsite's the same -
0:09:37 > 0:09:40looking after the chores while the men go off and have fun!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42We're invisible, that's what it is.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Once you get to a certain age, you just blend into the background,
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- don't you?- That is not true, Carol.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49We are not invisible.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Look at me, I'm still hanging it out there.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53On a campsite.
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I'm going to get the instructions for this awning.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58She's a bit down, isn't she?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00She needs a confidence boost.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Hello, ladies.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I'm Hakan.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06My tent is too close, no?
0:10:06 > 0:10:07No, no. It's fine.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09You're not from round here, are you?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- I'm Swedish.- Ah.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14If you need help with anything, you let me know!
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Do we just shout
0:10:15 > 0:10:19or is there some kind of horn we have to blow to summon you?
0:10:19 > 0:10:21See? Not invisible!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Keep going, you daft lump.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Oh! Come on, Bradley Wiggins.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30I'm running out of memory here!
0:10:30 > 0:10:32CRASH
0:10:32 > 0:10:34It's OK!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36There's no lasting damage!
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Oh!
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- We can't ride with those two. - What do you mean?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43They'll slow us down. It's survival of the fittest, Alan.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47We shouldn't be in Leisure Riders. I'm going to get us upgraded to Advanced.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Why is it so important to come first?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- I just want to do the best we can. - Yeah, well, I'm not doing it.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I'm not going into the Advanced group. Trevor won't keep up.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57It's not fair on him, John. We have to think of his health.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Guess what!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Chris has got a spare static caravan!
0:11:01 > 0:11:03We could come here every year!
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Brilliant!
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Kill me now.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08Oh, we're stuck with the barbecue.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10I can't get the oven going.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Didn't Trevor say there was a knack to it?
0:11:12 > 0:11:15Trevor says a lot of things about this caravan.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17- Oh!- He's Swedish.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19We should have introduced ourselves.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Hakan, this is Carol,
0:11:21 > 0:11:22this is Joyce
0:11:22 > 0:11:25and I'm Maureen, the baby of the group.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26God dag!
0:11:26 > 0:11:27God dag.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Trevligt att traffas.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Talar du svenska?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Ja, lite.
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Vart kommer du fran?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Jag ar fran Stockholm.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36I didn't know you spoke Swedish.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Oh, I was a huge ABBA fan.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40# Jo, jo
0:11:40 > 0:11:41# In Waterloo
0:11:41 > 0:11:43# Napoleon fick ge sig. #
0:11:43 > 0:11:46It's like our national anthem.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Do you want some help with that?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50They can be a bit tricky to get started.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51No, thanks. I'm OK.
0:11:51 > 0:11:53That's very kind of you, Hakan.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56We would love a little bit of help. Wouldn't we, Carol?
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Det hade varit jattebra. Tack!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01That's "yes".
0:12:01 > 0:12:03We need some small wood.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Oh, I think we're out of small wood.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07I'll gather some from the forest.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10What do you think?
0:12:10 > 0:12:12He's very friendly.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13We don't need any help.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15We're managing fine.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19You've had a bag of charcoal open for an hour and nothing's lit yet.
0:12:19 > 0:12:20He's very dashing.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I'd never be able to get Trevor to chop wood.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Oh, this is ridiculous.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26You're both old enough to be his mother!
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Big sister.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31We're not flirting, we're just talking.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32It's a meeting of minds.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- It's a cultural exchange. Isn't it, Carol?- Exactly.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37- We're cultured people.- We are.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39Forgot my bag.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Just because some lump turns up
0:12:41 > 0:12:44and starts flashing his triceps at you.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Women of our age should have a bit more dignity.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I like your leather pants.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Ooh!
0:12:51 > 0:12:52- Oh, thank you! - JOYCE GIGGLES
0:12:52 > 0:12:55It's just something I threw on earlier.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01What?!
0:13:01 > 0:13:08CHARIOTS OF FIRE THEME PLAYS
0:13:20 > 0:13:23It's an emotional thing, saying goodbye to a caravan.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Is it?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Me and herself there were going to pop over last night
0:13:26 > 0:13:30and help you say goodbye to the old girl, but we saw you were busy.
0:13:30 > 0:13:31You know what they say,
0:13:31 > 0:13:34"If the van's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'!"
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Our boy Julian's doing the same route as us today.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38He's up ahead somewhere, isn't he, dumpling?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Yes, he's in the advanced race. He's ever so fit.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42Yeah, he takes after me.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I might not have a six-pack any more,
0:13:44 > 0:13:47but I do actually have a HUGE anaerobic capacity.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Oh, it's absolutely massive.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51There was a mix-up with the wristbands.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53We're in the Advanced group.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Oh, does that mean we can't ride together?
0:13:55 > 0:13:56I'm afraid so, Trevor.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Unless we get into the Advanced group.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00I wouldn't want you to change your plans.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03And I'm not an advanced rider, Chris.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04No, of course not.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07She Who Must Be Obeyed throws a spanner in the works again!
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Damn!
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Well, I suppose we'd better say goodbye, then.
0:14:14 > 0:14:15We can meet up at the end, though.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Yeah, OK.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Sapristi bompetts!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21Sapristi bompetts, yeah.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26If you place the hickory down here on the first level,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29the smoke will infuse the meat.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30Mmm, sounds delicious.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35So, what is it that you actually do, Hakan?
0:14:35 > 0:14:38Apart from helping with barbecues.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40I'm a student. I'm staying in England to study literature.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Oh, that's interesting!
0:14:42 > 0:14:44We were just talking about books - weren't we, Joyce?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46I'm also a stonemason and musician.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Traditional Scandinavian folk music.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I could show you my tagelharpa later.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54It's a musical instrument.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55I made it myself.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Oh, thank God for that.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- How long are you staying? - I don't think of time.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01It's part of the fabric of the universe,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03like space and gravity.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04You can't control it.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Useful for catching trains, though.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08And now that I'm single again,
0:15:08 > 0:15:10there's no reason to go back to Sweden.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Oh, you split up with your girlfriend?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Gunilla.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Is that her name, or... do you need a glass of water?
0:15:17 > 0:15:18It was a very difficult time.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20We were soul mates, really.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Well, maybe you'll get back together.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23We were planning her birthday.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- It was a big one. - Which one was it?
0:15:25 > 0:15:2760.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Years?
0:15:28 > 0:15:30I've always been attracted to older women.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Experience is a powerful aphrodisiac.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35That's what Alan tells you - isn't it, Joyce?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Hurry up, Trevor.
0:15:40 > 0:15:41We'll start getting lapped by people soon.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- Back me up here, John. - Back you up on what?
0:15:43 > 0:15:45If we let him buy that static,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47we'll be coming here every weekend until we're dead.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49- What's a static? - A caravan with no wheels.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- That's a bungalow, isn't it? - Exactly!
0:15:51 > 0:15:54I mean, who has a spare caravan?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57That guy Chris is clearly nuts... This is a cult, John.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59We've got to rescue Trevor from a cult.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- It's just another caravan. - "Just another caravan"?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04That's like saying to a drug addict, "Oh, it's just another crack pipe."
0:16:04 > 0:16:07He's just reached 65 and he's going to blow his pension pot.
0:16:07 > 0:16:08We've got to stop him doing it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Trevor won't spend the money, he's too cautious.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13He takes out insurance on his insurance.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16He's different when he's out here. It's like he's gone native.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Get out of the road, twat!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19Hey, that was uncalled for.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20Very!
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Come back and say that to my face!
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Shit.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30He's bluffing.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- He's not bluffing.- I think he is.
0:16:33 > 0:16:34I think he isn't.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38- Let's go.- What about Trevor?
0:16:38 > 0:16:42They won't touch him, he's got a CCTV camera on his head.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Oi, come here!
0:16:48 > 0:16:49HE WHIMPERS
0:16:50 > 0:16:53These are just some impressions of the surrounding woodland
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- and then I screen-print them onto tea towels.- They're very good.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59I try to combine art and camping as much as I can.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00It's a bit difficult, though.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03You know, there's a folk and craft festival on in the village.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Ah, I'd love to go to more festivals with Trevor
0:17:06 > 0:17:08but he's no good with mud.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11It rained for a whole week in Bournemouth last year
0:17:11 > 0:17:12and he got trench foot.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Very mildly,
0:17:14 > 0:17:16but it was still upsetting for him.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18I've travelled a lot.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Me and Gunilla saw many incredible things together.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25The sunset over the great temple at Angkor Wat in Cambodia,
0:17:25 > 0:17:28- wolves on the Athabasca Glacier in Canada.- Oh!
0:17:28 > 0:17:32One time, we even rode with wild horses of the Camargue.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Trevor's allergic to horse hair.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38THUNDER RUMBLES
0:17:38 > 0:17:41It's all very well offering to help,
0:17:41 > 0:17:42but he's not doing much, is he?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45He's a free spirit, Joyce.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46A wandering craftsman.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49Carol seems to be getting on all right with him, anyway.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52It's good for her to have someone to talk to about her art.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55I mean, we're never going to be enough for her, are we?
0:17:55 > 0:17:56I suppose not.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I mean, I'm not exactly a culture vulture.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Nor am I.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01To be quite honest with you,
0:18:01 > 0:18:03I didn't enjoy her theatre trip last week.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- What theatre trip? - You know, for...
0:18:08 > 0:18:10For Trevor.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11For his birthday.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12When was that?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15Last Thursday. I think you were busy.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16I wasn't busy last Thursday.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17You're always busy!
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Not last Thursday.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Why didn't she ask me?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Well, perhaps she thought you wouldn't like the theatre.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25You said yourself, you're not a culture vulture.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26She knows I love culture!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29I went with her to the cinema to see Mamma Mia.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Yeah, but she wanted to go to the theatre.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32I've been to the theatre.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I went to the theatre 12 times last year.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35What did you see?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Mamma Mia.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Look, just don't tell Carol.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41I won't say anything,
0:18:41 > 0:18:43I know how to behave.
0:18:43 > 0:18:47Hakan says there's a folk-music festival in the village,
0:18:47 > 0:18:48shall we go later?
0:18:48 > 0:18:50I don't know if I'd understand it, Carol.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52What do you mean?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55I suppose I'd be all right, as long as it wasn't in a theatre.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59She dragged it out of me.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- Where are we? - THUNDER RUMBLES
0:19:05 > 0:19:08It's fine, we're here on the GPS.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11We keep in this direction and we're back on the race route.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13I don't recognise this.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Hang on, this is a map of Dubai.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16I forgot to reset it.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18What was that?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Probably a camel.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Trevor, I don't think you should buy Chris' caravan.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24- Why not?- Well...
0:19:24 > 0:19:26Has Carol said something?
0:19:26 > 0:19:28- No.- She'll be wanting a brand-new one, I expect.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30She loves camping.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32She'll want to invest properly in the next 20 years.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Yeah, it's not that.
0:19:34 > 0:19:37It's just that, well, I don't think it's right for you.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38Ah, I understand, Al. Don't worry.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- It's because I'm a big noise up here, isn't it?- What?
0:19:41 > 0:19:43You know, I wouldn't abandon you.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I mean, just because I'm incredibly popular on the site with these guys,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48doesn't mean to say I won't still see you!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51This is a cult, Trevor. You've been sucked into a cult.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52It's Scientology on wheels.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Now, just hold on a minute, Alan.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57I like spending my leisure time caravanning, what's wrong with that?
0:19:57 > 0:20:00There are thousands of people like me all over the country.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02- All over the world. - Whose side are you on?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05I don't mind admitting to that. I'm passionate about caravans.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07There, I've said it.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09My name is Trevor and I like caravans.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What do you like?
0:20:11 > 0:20:12What do I like?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15You've done nothing but moan all day about caravans and cycling.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18At least we've got something we're interested in. What have you got?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21- Yeah, what are your hobbies? - I've got hobbies.- What are they?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- I like walking.- That's not a hobby, that's just moving around.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27You don't do anything. At least we've got something we love.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Trevor loves caravans.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- I don't get it, but I respect it. - Thank you, John.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Yes, it's full of weirdos and geeks, but that's fine.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33OK, thank you!
0:20:33 > 0:20:37You don't know how to spend your leisure time and you're taking your frustrations out on us.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I know how to spend my leisure time!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41What did you do at the weekend?
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Took Joyce to the shops. - Weekend before that?
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Took Joyce to the shops.
0:20:45 > 0:20:48- Weekend before?- I did the gardening. - And then?
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Took Joyce to the shops.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51You're a taxi driver. That's not a hobby.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55You want to get a hobby of your own and stop interfering with ours!
0:20:57 > 0:20:59He needed to be told.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Here we are, back on track.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12It was just a mix-up, that's all.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I just didn't think you'd be that interested.
0:21:15 > 0:21:16It was boring anyway!
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Was it?
0:21:18 > 0:21:20No, not...not boring.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Long.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Never judge a book by its cover, Carol.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Just because someone is glamorous,
0:21:26 > 0:21:30- does not mean to say they can't be intellectual as well.- Maureen...
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Oh, it's true, Hakan.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33I get it all the time.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35I can't believe you guys are still arguing.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- We're not arguing, are we? - We're not arguing.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- We're just talking.- Loudly.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Then, what is the problem?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44You must not worry what everyone else thinks about you.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48Remember, experience brings independence and confidence,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51and confidence is what makes us beautiful.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Oh, that's true.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Confidence is important.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57- And hairspray.- Obviously.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Maureen, you're a dazzling woman
0:21:59 > 0:22:02with many hidden intellectual aspects.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04See!
0:22:04 > 0:22:07Carol, you're an amazingly cultural person
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- with a beautiful, artistic soul.- Oh!
0:22:10 > 0:22:11And, Joyce...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15..you're really good at preparing meat.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19If you can't control your bikes,
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- then you shouldn't be in the event. - We were controlling our bikes!
0:22:22 > 0:22:24You were in the middle of the bloody path.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- You could have caused an accident! - AIR HISSES
0:22:26 > 0:22:28All right, let's not get confrontational.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30AIR HISSES
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Look, it's not a social event.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33It's for serious cyclists.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36They are serious cyclists.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I know you take your cycling seriously,
0:22:38 > 0:22:40and my friends take it seriously too,
0:22:40 > 0:22:42but I don't, so blame me.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I can't see the point of it.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47I feel ludicrous enough just being 68 years old
0:22:47 > 0:22:51without drawing attention to myself by dressing up as a bruised banana
0:22:51 > 0:22:52and riding around on a bicycle.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I know that's not a very positive attitude
0:22:55 > 0:22:57but, as my friends have rightly pointed out,
0:22:57 > 0:23:00I am a man without any interests.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03A mean-spirited, shrivelled-up husk of a human being.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Quite frankly, sometimes, I wonder why I'm still drawing breath.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09So, just for me,
0:23:09 > 0:23:11can we all calm down
0:23:11 > 0:23:13and get this ordeal over with
0:23:13 > 0:23:15as quickly as possible?
0:23:21 > 0:23:23HE PLAYS FOLK MUSIC
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Bravo.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33More!
0:23:33 > 0:23:35That was mesmerising.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36You are too kind.
0:23:36 > 0:23:37It's called a tagelharpa.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39It is our national instrument.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41We're learning a lot today, aren't we?
0:23:41 > 0:23:44Well, ladies, this is another very special liquor.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45It's strong.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49- Some say it is an aphrodisiac.- Ooh! - HE CHUCKLES
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Skal!
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Bottoms up!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Mmm.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02This reminds me of Gunilla.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04(Here we go.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07(He's just sounding off, Joyce. He's looking for a mother figure.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10(That makes me feel a lot better.)
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Why do women leave?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Did you play her much tagelharpa?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20I suppose we'd better just let him get on with it.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Carol won't like it.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24You can't interfere in the internal workings of a marriage, Alan.
0:24:24 > 0:24:25It's an organic thing.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28It's budding and blossoming all the time.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30The static caravan is just one of those buds -
0:24:30 > 0:24:32it'll blossom, make Carol feel miserable for a bit
0:24:32 > 0:24:37and it'll shrivel up again when they flog it after six months because she's bent his earhole back.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- He'll be happy while it lasts.- Oh, exactly.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42- Hello.- How did you get on with Chris?
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Oh, it was lovely.
0:24:43 > 0:24:47Yes, we're so lucky to be able to spend time together doing these amazing things!
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Well, he's a special guy, isn't he?
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Julian didn't do so well, though.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55He got a puncture. Actually, his friend got a puncture, too.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57- Really?- That's very unlucky.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Looks like you had fun, though.
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Trevor's just showing Chris the video now.
0:25:01 > 0:25:02Just some guys we had a run-in with!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04That's Julian.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06What, your Julian? Small world!
0:25:06 > 0:25:08Hang on.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13INAUDIBLE
0:25:13 > 0:25:15# They did a bad, bad thing
0:25:15 > 0:25:16# They did a bad, bad thing
0:25:18 > 0:25:20# They did a bad, bad thing. #
0:25:21 > 0:25:24So, we're all going to the folk festival tomorrow?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- Why not?- Just us girls.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Ladies, I must leave you.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30I have to use the lavatory.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Maureen, can I use your facilities?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Yeah, course you can.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Thank you, you are a very kind woman.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37You are all very kind
0:25:37 > 0:25:39and I hope my meat is to your liking.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47What a nice man.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49What meat's he talking about?
0:25:49 > 0:25:50The barbecue!
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Are you sure you won't reconsider?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I am not handing over a static treasure
0:25:58 > 0:26:01like the Mirage 250 S Class to just anybody.
0:26:01 > 0:26:02But that was Alan! I had no idea...
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I'm sorry, Trevor, I always go by the old saying,
0:26:05 > 0:26:07"By a man's friends shall ye judge him."
0:26:07 > 0:26:09That's not a saying.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11He makes up sayings all the time.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13ALL the time!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15He's driving me mad!
0:26:15 > 0:26:16ALL: Trevor!
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Oh! Hi, guys!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21Hope you're hungry!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I don't know why you always make such a fuss about a barbecue,
0:26:24 > 0:26:26it's a doddle!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29"MAMMA MIA" BY ABBA BLARES
0:26:29 > 0:26:31Hey, careful!
0:26:31 > 0:26:33When the van's a-rockin', don't go a-knockin'!
0:26:35 > 0:26:38I didn't know they were related!
0:26:38 > 0:26:42Close the door! You're letting all the Swedishness out!
0:26:44 > 0:26:45I've got some bad news.
0:26:45 > 0:26:50I was thinking of replacing the caravan with Chris' old static, but I don't think it's going to happen.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53- Oh, that's a shame.- But I think I've got a deal on another one.
0:26:53 > 0:26:56- No.- I remember, there was a Cosalt Sandhurst Super 35,
0:26:56 > 0:26:57in excellent condition...
0:26:57 > 0:26:59- No!- What?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01I don't want a Sandhurst Super 35
0:27:01 > 0:27:04or a...a Bella Vista CK20,
0:27:04 > 0:27:05or anything else!
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I am sick and tired of coming down here
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and listening to you and your boring friends
0:27:11 > 0:27:15going on about dimensions and decking and tow ratios!
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I don't want to sit outside a stupid static caravan
0:27:19 > 0:27:20until I die in my chair
0:27:20 > 0:27:25and have to be carted off by the man who does the maintenance contract!
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I want to stand on glaciers with wolves, Trevor.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I want to live!
0:27:32 > 0:27:35I want to live, too!
0:27:36 > 0:27:38I want to live!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42I want to live!
0:27:42 > 0:27:44I want to live!
0:27:44 > 0:27:46Dumpling, where you going?
0:27:46 > 0:27:50I'm going to find a glacier to stand on, you boring old fart!
0:27:50 > 0:27:53And stop calling me "dumpling"!
0:27:56 > 0:28:00Listen, next year, we can go to Glastonbury...
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- or La Tomatina!- La what?
0:28:02 > 0:28:04It's a tomato festival in Spain.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Hakan's been telling me about it.
0:28:06 > 0:28:07Who's Hakan?
0:28:07 > 0:28:10This Swedish guy who's been helping us with the barbecue.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12Hakan's tent's gone.
0:28:21 > 0:28:22Where's the Winnebago?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25It was here a minute ago. Hakan was in it.
0:28:25 > 0:28:26- The Swedish guy?- Yeah.
0:28:26 > 0:28:29What's a Swedish guy doing in the Winnie?
0:28:29 > 0:28:30He wanted to use the toilet.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32You wouldn't let me use the toilet.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40Wouldn't have happened with a static.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42# Every woman, every man
0:28:42 > 0:28:45# Join the caravan of love
0:28:45 > 0:28:46# Stand up
0:28:46 > 0:28:48# Stand up
0:28:48 > 0:28:50# Stand up
0:28:50 > 0:28:52# Everybody take a stand
0:28:52 > 0:28:55# Join the caravan of love
0:28:55 > 0:28:57# Stand up
0:28:57 > 0:28:58# Stand up
0:28:58 > 0:29:00# Stand up
0:29:00 > 0:29:04# I'm your brother
0:29:04 > 0:29:09# I'm your brother, don't you know?
0:29:09 > 0:29:13# She's my sister... #