0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08That's not mine. This isn't mine!
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Hi, it's Alan, isn't it?
0:00:10 > 0:00:13- No, what?- Matt, Seb, just moved in down the road.
0:00:13 > 0:00:14I like that cupboard.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17What, this, it's just some old rubbish I'm clearing out the loft.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20That's really nice, you could upcycle that. Zhush it a bit.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22We are not big zhushers.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24We're having a house-warming party on Saturday
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- and we wondered if you'd like to come.- Um...
0:00:26 > 0:00:29We'd love to come, Matt. Hi, Seb!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Hiya.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34- Great, well we'll see you there, any time after six.- Bye.- Bye-bye.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39We can't turn down their invitation, Alan,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41they'll think we're narrow-minded.
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I mean, can you believe the cheek of some people?
0:00:43 > 0:00:47- We don't want people thinking badly of us.- We paid for this skip!
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- Although sometimes it can't be helped.- This is our space!
0:00:50 > 0:00:54- Get your own!- Alan!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56It's all right, no-one saw me.
0:00:59 > 0:01:06MUSIC: The Tears Of A Clown by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
0:01:13 > 0:01:16# Now if there's a smile on my face
0:01:16 > 0:01:20# It's only there trying to fool the public
0:01:20 > 0:01:24# But when it comes down to fooling you
0:01:24 > 0:01:28# Now, honey, that's quite a different subject
0:01:28 > 0:01:29# But don't let my... #
0:01:32 > 0:01:35- Hi.- Hi.- Hi, Alan.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38- Seb's an architect. - Have you been googling people again?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40No, I've been asking around, talking to people,
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- maybe he can do us a deal on our loft conversion.- That won't work.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Why not?- I've told John he can do it.- No, Alan.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51John's a plumber, Seb's an architect, it's perfect.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55He can do our loft, plus we get to know them better.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Welcome them into the local community.
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Why do we both have to go?
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Because I just want one set of neighbours that we can talk to
0:02:02 > 0:02:05and get on with. You've fallen out with everyone else.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08If you're not shouting at them from your skip, your annoying them
0:02:08 > 0:02:11with anti-parking bollards in the street or shoving notes
0:02:11 > 0:02:14through the letterbox about their overhanging hedges.
0:02:14 > 0:02:19- Why can't you just be nice? - I tried nice once, didn't like it.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22I'm entering them into the library art competition.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24The art therapy's going really well.
0:02:24 > 0:02:29I start off very tense and stressy but by the end of each session
0:02:29 > 0:02:32I'm really tuned in to my creative unconscious.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- So these are, like, before and after?- That's it.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Which is which?
0:02:36 > 0:02:39I'm creating more to deal with my frustrations.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Tonight, me and Trevor
0:02:40 > 0:02:42are coming to the end of a period of sexual Lent.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44You what, love?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46We haven't had physical relations for a month.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49- We called it sexual Lent. - We just called it September.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Anyway, you two looking forward to the party tonight?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Yeah, we never get to do anything different.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57It's always one of John's functions.
0:02:57 > 0:03:02The sailing club, the Rotary club, any of his other bloody clubs.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05I feel invisible sometimes, hung on his arm,
0:03:05 > 0:03:08just a sad but dazzling piece of eye candy.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10It is a gay party, isn't it?
0:03:10 > 0:03:16- Well, they are gay but I don't think it's a gay party.- Gays love me.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20Back when I met John, all my male friends were gay.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Made his job easier.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24We had a gay couple lived next door to us in Chorleywood when we
0:03:24 > 0:03:27first got married, Devon and Peter, they took me under their wing.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30We went to all the gay clubs.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32I think Seb and Matt are quite domesticated.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Devon had this pair of gold lame pants.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37He used to put them on sometimes for a laugh.
0:03:37 > 0:03:42Knock on our door asking for a bit of sugar. John was terrified of him.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Maureen...- It is ages since I have been to a proper gay party.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- I don't think it's that kind of party.- It will be once I get there.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54Look, I...I don't know how to say this but I think you might
0:03:54 > 0:03:58- come across as a bit of... a bit of a...- A bit of a what?
0:03:58 > 0:04:01A tiny bit of a cling-on where gay men are concerned.
0:04:01 > 0:04:03I don't understand.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07Well, I...I'm trying to think of how to describe it in a sensitive way.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10- She means you're a fag hag, Maureen. - Or we could just say that.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14- You know, like Lady Gaga. - I do know what a fag hag is, Carol.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16I'm not that over-the-top, am I?
0:04:17 > 0:04:20You're on YouTube. Skip-rage man.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22'This is our space! Get your own!'
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Maureen's mate got sent it on the Thurnemouth Facebook group.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30Have people got nothing better to do than to film their neighbours?
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Not in Thurnemouth, no.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Carol and I were going to have a quiet night in,
0:04:33 > 0:04:36we were going to watch an episode of Countryfile on iPlayer.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38We've got three to choose from in the bank.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Wow, when you have a quiet night in, Trevor, you have a quite night in.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Are you coming?
0:04:42 > 0:04:44No, Maureen usually embarrasses herself at these kind of things.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46She sees a gay man, she attaches herself
0:04:46 > 0:04:48like a barnacle to the side of a boat.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Come on, one night's not going to kill you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52She goes insane, Alan, you've only got to play the right song
0:04:52 > 0:04:56and bang, she's on the table, the shoes are off - it's carnage.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59I hear one of them is an architect. You should get him to do your loft.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- No need. Me and Alan are doing it, aren't we?- Yeah.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15- You look very nice.- Thank you, my love, and so do you.- Thank you.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17- Making me proud, as usual.- Oh.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20You're not going to jump up on any tables, are you?
0:05:20 > 0:05:22I've already been told.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Matt and Seb seem like a lovely couple.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28They're so lovely. Nice, ordinary, down-to-earth people.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30That's what we've got to do tonight,
0:05:30 > 0:05:34convince them that we are nice, ordinary, down-to-earth people.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38You and Trevor aren't planning to stay that long, are you?
0:05:38 > 0:05:39We're going in very early, aren't we?
0:05:39 > 0:05:42Well, you want to get away as soon as possible, don't you?
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- What are you talking about? - Carol told Maureen.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48She might as well be selling tickets.
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I'm trying not to think about it. It's causing me some anxiety.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- You mean like... - I don't want to talk about it.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58All I'll say to you, John, is that expectations have built up.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I understand. Not another word on this matter will pass my lips.
0:06:01 > 0:06:02Thank you.
0:06:02 > 0:06:03What was that all about?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- Trevor's having performance anxiety. - Oh, dear.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Well, him and Carol haven't been with each other for over two months,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- that's a long time to go without, isn't it?- Is it?- Oh, yeah.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Do you know, I heard it once? - Heard what?- Trevor's sex noise.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17- His sex noise? - Yeah.- How did you hear that?
0:06:17 > 0:06:18Well, remember our Mark's wedding?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21The first one at the Stoke Ramada Inn?
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- We were a bit pissed and we went up to the room.- Oh, my God.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- And realised that Trevor and Carol were in the room next door.- Oh.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- I could hear everything.- Thin walls?
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Well, I had to put a glass to it, obviously.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33- But, oh, it's a terrible sound, Trevor's sex noise.- I can imagine.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35- Like a monkey crying. - Yeah, enough, I get it.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38And once you've heard it, you can't unhear it.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- I better watch myself in there. - You what?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Well, there'll be a few single blokes.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- I don't think it's that kind of a party.- They're a gay couple, Alan.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45A happily married gay couple.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I don't care if they are happily married,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49you've still got to keep half an eye open.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51What, you think they might try and turn you?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I am the most attractive, I can't help it.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55I'm like catnip to gay men.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Do you know, we once lived next door to two blokes in Chorleywood
0:06:57 > 0:07:00and they were around all the time and Maureen, bless her,
0:07:00 > 0:07:02thinks they came to see her.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I never had the heart to tell her it was me all along.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09Hi!
0:07:09 > 0:07:12You must be John, come in.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14This is Becks.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16This is our only concession to gay stereotyping.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Could you shut the door for me, so I can put him down?
0:07:19 > 0:07:21If the door's left open, he runs off.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23So I have to keep him locked in, like Seb.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Oh, my God, that dog is gorgeous.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30And they called it Becks, that is so cute and gay.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31I thought we talked about this?
0:07:31 > 0:07:33I'm sorry, I forgot.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Do you like dogs?
0:07:36 > 0:07:37I love dogs...
0:07:39 > 0:07:42..but only big, butch ones.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44- Well done.- It's hard, Joyce.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- Be strong.- Just dump your coats in the bedroom.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Oh, we better hang onto ours because we're not staying long.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Yeah, but we don't want to be rude, do we?
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- You were right. You ARE the most attractive.- Well hurry up, then.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Are you being friendly?- Joyce, I promise you, I'm being friendly.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15- They're nice guys.- That looks like my mum's bedside cupboard.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- What bedside cupboard? - My mum's bedside cupboard.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21The one my great-grandad brought back from the Great War.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24The one that's been in the family for 100 years.
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- Oh, that bedside cupboard? - We should do that with ours.- What?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Well, give it a going over. - Don't do that.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- Why not?- It'll ruin it.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35You don't know what you're talking about. I'm getting it down tomorrow.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38- I think it's in the loft, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- I'm sure I saw it there.- You did, because that's where it was
0:08:41 > 0:08:44- and still is.- Oh, I'm excited now, I love a project.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47You didn't tell me this... that bedside cupboard was important.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- I've told you that before. - No, you haven't.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53Well, I can't remember everything. I'm not perfect, am I?
0:08:53 > 0:08:54Is this a trick question?
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I love the artwork. I do a bit of art myself.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04I make screen-printed tea towels. We have a women's arts and crafts club.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Last week, Daisy and Margaret made a wire-mesh model of Lionel Messi.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- Wow.- Yeah, you have to work hard to keep standards up.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14If you don't, people will start to think
0:09:14 > 0:09:18that women's regional craft workshops are just a joke.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21We've got a lot of things still wrapped up in the garage.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- I'll have to show you later. - Oh, that sounds amazing.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26We can't stay too long though, can we, Trevor?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29- We can stay for a bit.- Can we?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33- I thought you wanted to get back for that thing.- What thing?- You know.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37That thing that you wanted to get back for.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39We can see the pictures, Carol.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42I would have thought this would be right up your alley.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43A bit boring for you, though.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48No, I love it. I think the male form is a beautiful thing.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50I often wonder how things might have turned out
0:09:50 > 0:09:53if I'd been exposed to more homosexuality at a younger age.
0:09:53 > 0:09:55We'll never know now, of course,
0:09:55 > 0:09:58but I think I might have taken to it had I been given the opportunity.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02The thing is, we never really had the exposure, you see,
0:10:02 > 0:10:06it wasn't really around back then. It's like the Internet.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08The kids today are very comfortable with it
0:10:08 > 0:10:11but our generation is always going to be playing catch up.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Anyone else want a top-up?
0:10:15 > 0:10:16OK.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20He's lovely, Trevor, isn't he?
0:10:20 > 0:10:24You know, listening to you talking about art reminded me
0:10:24 > 0:10:27- that we're thinking of having our loft done.- Oh?
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I was wondering if you'd like to pop over and have a look?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Oh, I'm really busy at the moment.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34It's only a small roof, take you ten minutes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Oh, I know but, really, I'm up to my eyes at the moment.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oh, excuse me.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44# What kind of pokery is this? #
0:10:46 > 0:10:48They've got Joyce's cupboard.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50You'll have to give me more than that.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Turns out it's a big deal, belonged to Joyce's grandmother.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54They took it off my skip.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56I thought it was people putting things on your skip
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- that got you worked up?- Well, this time, it's taking something off.
0:10:59 > 0:11:02- Oh, you might need to make a new video.- What do I do?
0:11:02 > 0:11:05- Ask them where they got it. - That's a bit awkward, isn't it?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07Just slip it casually into the conversation.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Oh, yeah, yeah, casually.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13So, what do you make of Thurnemouth?
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Well, we love it. London was getting us down.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Yeah, that must have been tough,
0:11:16 > 0:11:20so, that bedside cupboard of yours, it's nice, isn't it?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22Yeah, it's lovely. We reclaim old furniture and do it up.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25I mention it because we've got one just like it -
0:11:25 > 0:11:27in fact, you noticed it the other day.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Yeah, that's what gave us the idea. But we got this one from a shop.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31I thought you said it was reclaimed?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33A reclaimed furniture shop.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Oh, reclaimed furniture shop, eh? - Yeah.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Reclaimed furniture.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40Better go and circulate.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42He's lying to my face.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45- He saw me put it on the skip. - You've got to get it back.
0:11:45 > 0:11:46I can't do that. They'll miss it.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48They're not going to come and accuse you,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50having denied taking it off your skip in the first place.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Are they? Eh?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53- He said, "No."- What?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Seb said he wouldn't do our loft conversion.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57What did you ask him that for?
0:11:57 > 0:11:59I told you I was going to ask him.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01- No, you didn't. - He said he was too busy
0:12:01 > 0:12:04but I know for a fact he's doing a quote for Terry and Clive.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05Terry and Clive?
0:12:05 > 0:12:09Yeah, you know, the couple that live in the big house on the seafront.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I thought I was doing your loft?
0:12:12 > 0:12:16And these are spiced tofu with celeriac.
0:12:16 > 0:12:19Can I help you with that? You look a bit under the cosh.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22Oh, that's very kind of you.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25I know you're busy and everything, so don't worry about the loft thing.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- Just whenever you've got a bit of time.- Yeah, of course.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I know you've got a couple of others to do.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33So we're happy just to be on the list somewhere.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35- You're definitely on the list.- Oh.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41I mean, I can understand why you'd want to do Terry and Clive's loft
0:12:41 > 0:12:44because they're...you know...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Gay?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- No.- You think I'd do someone's loft conversion
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- just because they're gay? - No, not that, obviously.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54Well, it's not the Masons, you know, we don't have a special handshake.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55No, of course not.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58There isn't some special website specifically for gay men
0:12:58 > 0:13:00who like to do each other's loft conversions.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05- Well, there is, actually! - No...I-I didn't mean that.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08We're...look, we're just so pleased that you've moved in.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Get your quotas up? - No, it's not about quotas.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14It's about meeting different people.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17- Not different...new.- I understand.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- You're very pleased that we've moved in.- Well, yeah...we've got lots...
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- Lots of gay friends? Everybody says that.- Yeah.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27But I'm more in tune with diversity than most.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30It's always been a passion of mine, you know,
0:13:30 > 0:13:32equal rights, gay marriage, all that.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36- You're in tune with the whole vibe? - We are very serious about it.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- We have to be.- You have to be?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Well, because of our...situation.
0:13:41 > 0:13:42What situation is that?
0:13:44 > 0:13:45With Alan.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47What about Alan?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Well, you know...
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- he's-he's gay.- Your Alan?- I know.
0:13:56 > 0:13:57I couldn't believe it either.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00I mean, you know, you read about people struggling
0:14:00 > 0:14:06with their sexuality but, you never think it could be someone so close.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- How long have you known?- Not long. He just came out with it.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13Said he couldn't live the lie any longer.
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Oh, my God, and you're still together?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19I haven't stopped loving him, Seb.
0:14:19 > 0:14:20No, of course not.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Must be difficult, though?
0:14:24 > 0:14:25We're both on a journey.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29# Under pressure. #
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Trevor doesn't want to go home.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34Performance pressure's probably getting to him.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Very frustrating for you, I'd have thought.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37All right, ladies?
0:14:37 > 0:14:41Seb been boring you with the artwork?
0:14:41 > 0:14:43We like a bit of culture.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45- Carol's an artist.- I dabble.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Oh, got a bit of the bohemian spirit in you, have you?
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Maybe you could show me the club scene up here.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I don't know much about clubbing. Do you, Maureen?
0:14:52 > 0:14:55No, not really my kind of thing.
0:14:55 > 0:14:58That's a shame. I bet the club scene was pretty wild
0:14:58 > 0:15:01when you were in your pomp, back in the...'80s?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- '60s.- '70s.- '70s.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Bet there were guys with gold lame hot pants everywhere.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08- Oh, my God!- What?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10That sounds dreadful.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13You're so straight, Maureen.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17I'm never going to keep this up.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I'm going to crack, Carol. I am, I'm going to crack.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22- # You better think - Think
0:15:22 > 0:15:25# Think about what you're trying to do to me
0:15:25 > 0:15:26- # Think - Think, think
0:15:26 > 0:15:29# Let your mind go, let yourself be free
0:15:29 > 0:15:31# Let's go back, let's go back
0:15:31 > 0:15:33# Let's go way back when
0:15:33 > 0:15:35# I didn't even know you
0:15:35 > 0:15:38# You couldn't have been too much more than ten
0:15:38 > 0:15:40# I ain't no psychiatrist
0:15:40 > 0:15:42# I ain't no doctor with degrees
0:15:42 > 0:15:46# It don't take too much high IQ to see what you're doing to me
0:15:46 > 0:15:49- # Oh, freedom - Freedom
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- # Freedom - Freedom... #
0:15:53 > 0:15:55That's not the bathroom.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- There's an en suite in there. - Yes, there is, I saw that.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- Well, you can use that if you like. - Oh, I don't want to.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I mean, I don't want use your en suite.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05It's more private, isn't it? It's your special place.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08I mean, not that I wouldn't want to use your special place.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10I'm sure there's nothing different about it
0:16:10 > 0:16:12but I would rather use the guest bathroom.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Listen, I just want to say, I think it's amazing what you're doing.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18- What?- Seb's been talking to Joyce about, you know,
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- you trying to make your mind up about things.- Oh, the conversion?
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- That's an interesting way of putting it.- Is it?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Don't rush into any decisions.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28You need to take stock and Joyce seems very sportive.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- Well, it was her idea in the first place.- Wow.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34Well, just work out what you really want, moving forward.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36- I'm going to get someone in. - Are you?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38Yeah, you know, get two or three guys in, work as a team,
0:16:38 > 0:16:39it's pretty straightforward.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Excuse me.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47- Trevor.- Hi. - Are you looking for Carol?- No.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Why? Was she here?
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Is everything all right?- Yeah, fine.
0:16:51 > 0:16:55Um, I've got a big trustee meeting coming up,
0:16:55 > 0:16:58having trouble with one of my charities.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01That's no way to talk about Carol! I'm only joking.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- I hate meetings as well. - What line of work are you in?
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- Financial services. - You're joking?- No.- So am I.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10- I never joke about financial services.- Well, neither do I.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12So what's this big meeting that you're dreading?
0:17:12 > 0:17:15- Is it with a client?- Kind of.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17You know what I do if I'm dreading a big meeting?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19I try to bring it forward.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20What do you mean?
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Just have it earlier, get it out of the way sooner.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Oh, right, less time to worry about it.- Exactly.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Well, that's clever, counterintuitive.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Plus you perform better in the meeting.- Do you?
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Yeah, because you're underprepared, you have to think on your toes.
0:17:33 > 0:17:36They've done tests. The stats prove it.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- It's a very persuasive argument, if you like stats.- Oh, I do.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I like stats a lot.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Nice place.- Yeah, it's got a lot of potential.- Yeah.
0:17:51 > 0:17:53- I wonder where Maureen's got to... - Party animal, is she?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- You always end up in the kitchen? - Yeah.- Me, too.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59You know, it's difficult living with a big personality.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Matt's always standing on tables, singing his head off at parties.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Maureen can't see a table without standing on it.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07To be honest, I've asked her to tone it down a bit,
0:18:07 > 0:18:10she can be embarrassing when she meets...when she's with...
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- at parties. - I know what you mean.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I wish I could tell Matt to do the same, you know,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17it's...it's difficult for me out here.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19You know, I'm cut off from my old network of friends,
0:18:19 > 0:18:21whereas Matt is still kind of plugged in
0:18:21 > 0:18:23because he commutes in and out of London every day.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- Oh, I think you could tell him. - No, I don't want to start a row.
0:18:26 > 0:18:31- He seems like a nice bloke, I'm sure he would be understanding.- Thanks.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33I'm probably making too much of it anyway.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36Well, he did say you were a bit of a drama queen.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- I didn't know that...- Grab your coat, love, you've pulled.- What?
0:18:42 > 0:18:44- We're going home. - But I thought you wanted to stay.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- I've changed my mind.- You mean...?
0:18:46 > 0:18:49Yes, Carol, our period of fasting is at an end.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55# Baby, here I am, I'm at man on the scene
0:18:57 > 0:19:01# Didn't give you what you want just come, go home with me
0:19:01 > 0:19:03# I've got some good old loving... #
0:19:03 > 0:19:06SHE GIGGLES
0:19:08 > 0:19:09This is all very sudden.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12Exactly. The suddenness of it is very liberating.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16To be honest, I've been nervous about it,
0:19:16 > 0:19:18knowing where and when it was going to happen.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22It's like a job interview. I always hated job interviews one-on-one.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24I much preferred a panel.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25You want more people?
0:19:25 > 0:19:26No, I'm just saying,
0:19:26 > 0:19:30- the more spontaneous it is, the less I have to dread.- Thanks.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34No, no, not dread, fear. No! Worry about. Shall we?
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Do you remember that time in Lincoln, we just started going out
0:19:38 > 0:19:40and we stayed at that B&B?
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Oh, near the Cathedral, yes.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44That was a lovely weekend, wasn't it?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Wonderful architecture.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48You know, I think that was the tallest building in Europe
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- until 1549. - Because it was our first time.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Obviously that was the main thing about the weekend.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57The Cathedral was very much a side issue.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59They didn't have any clean bedding
0:19:59 > 0:20:01so we slept on the floor, under our coats.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- Really?- You might not still be in the mood by the time we get home.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11Darling, it's a five-minute walk, I think I can manage it.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13HE GASPS
0:20:13 > 0:20:15OK. We can... We can do this. This is good.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17We don't have to if you don't want to.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20No, this is very...doable, we just have to organise it properly.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I mean, we are supposed to be exploring different possibilities
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- within our relationship.- Carol.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28This is all good. I just have to lock the door.
0:20:28 > 0:20:33Now...move these coats over here because that's coir matting -
0:20:33 > 0:20:37you will lose several layers of skin if you roll off there.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38How's that?
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Fine.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42- Oh, not on that one.- Why not? - That's Alan's.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I don't want him involved.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46CAR BEEPS
0:20:46 > 0:20:47Oh, I think I've unlocked his car.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49KNOCK ON DOOR
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Hello, who's in there?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54- I'd better open the door.- No!
0:20:54 > 0:20:56You stay there, I'll sort it.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01- Oh, hi.- Just using the, um... en suite.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- There is another bathroom.- Is there?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07Oh, of course there is, that's the one I was looking for,
0:21:07 > 0:21:10- then I found this one.- Right. Have you seen our dog anywhere?- No.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- Will you give me a shout if you do?- Righto.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- I just need one of the coats there. - OK, which one?- Dave's, he's leaving.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Well, I'll get it.- You don't know which one.- Well, I could guess.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- You're going to guess which coat it is?- It's a party game.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24Have you never played Guess The Coat?
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Why don't I just get it?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29OK. That would be easier.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42KNOCK ON WINDOW
0:21:43 > 0:21:46- Can you give me a hand? Oh, hi, Carol.- Hi.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- I need to take this cupboard back to my place.- Isn't this their cupboard?
0:21:49 > 0:21:51It's originally ours and now we're taking it back.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- I'm not taking their cupboard.- They said we could have it.- Who did?- Seb.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Well why isn't he helping you? - He's hosting a party.- Well, I can't.
0:21:57 > 0:22:01- Why not?- I'm doing something.- Look, my thing will only take two minutes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03So will mine.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Just come out with us and meet the gang.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Oh, I don't know, I'm not much of a night owl.- They'd love you.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- Would they?- Yeah.- No. I don't think so.- You'll love it.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17It does get a bit shouty.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I don't think so, I don't really do shouty.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23- Matt, I can't find the dog. - Oh, he'll be hiding somewhere.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- Did you leave the door open? - That's it, blame me.
0:22:26 > 0:22:27I just thought you might have left it open
0:22:27 > 0:22:30and forgotten seeing as you've had quite a bit of that Bordeaux.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32I've only had a few glasses.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Oh, well, there's plenty left... in France.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36Oh, come on, boys, don't argue.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Don't get excited, Seb, he'll turn up.- I am not getting excited.
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- I'm not a drama queen, contrary to popular opinion.- Come on, guys.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46- That's right, you ain't drama...like Jordan hates a wedding.- Hilarious.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48At least we'll have something to chuckle about
0:22:48 > 0:22:51while we're scooping Becks' lifeless little body up off the road.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53So you're saying that if we were still in London
0:22:53 > 0:22:55we wouldn't have to lock the door, is that it?
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Oh, I knew we'd get to this. - This is about David.- Oh, my God.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- Oh, don't be ridiculous. - Who's David?
0:23:00 > 0:23:03- Somebody I knew a very long time ago.- Oh, my God.
0:23:03 > 0:23:04Oh, it always comes back to the exes.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- Why can't you just get over them? - There's too many.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09I need crampons and a team of Sherpas to get over them.
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- Boys, boys, boys.- Sorry. We should do this in private.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15No, do it here.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18You do not know how much I have missed this.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Mwah!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I'm home.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25OK...
0:23:25 > 0:23:26That's better...
0:23:26 > 0:23:28more comfy.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Just got to draw the curtains.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32I think that's better, don't you?
0:23:34 > 0:23:37We don't want to be overlooked by that house over the road.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38OK.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43- This is great, isn't it?- Very exciting.- Gosh, it's been too long.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44Yep.
0:23:44 > 0:23:45Fear not.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48For the dam is about to burst.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Oh...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51It's a dimmer switch.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Right, how do you want it? Whoa!
0:23:55 > 0:23:56Operating theatre suddenly.
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Oh, now I can't see a thing.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01That's a bit moody, isn't it?
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Trevor.- Or is that too bistro?
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- Trevor?- Yes?- Shall we just leave it? - What do you mean?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Do it tomorrow or next week,
0:24:09 > 0:24:12- or whenever we're feeling a bit more relaxed?- Really?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Cos, um...I'm raring to go.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17I know you are but I quite feel like going home
0:24:17 > 0:24:19and watching a bit of telly.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21- Well, if that's what you want. - I think so.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- What do you want to watch? - How about Countryfile?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31All those farmers wives might get you in the mood again. Eh?
0:24:31 > 0:24:33SHE GIGGLES
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Woohoo.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41# You make me feel... #
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Maureen? What are you doing?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47I've realised something, Joyce, you can't hide who you are.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- You have to be true to yourself. - She's out and proud.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59We tried, damn it.
0:25:01 > 0:25:03KNOCK ON WINDOW
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- I need your help.- Help with what?
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- Take the cupboard back. - You can't steal the cupboard, Alan.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09You told me to steal it.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11That was before I got to know Seb
0:25:11 > 0:25:14and before I knew that you'd asked him to do your loft.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17This is Joyce's cupboard, John, if you won't do it for me,
0:25:17 > 0:25:18do it for Joyce.
0:25:26 > 0:25:27Is that their dog?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32WHISPERS: Becks, Becks.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Come on, Becksy.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Not coming.
0:25:35 > 0:25:36Probably can't lip read.
0:25:39 > 0:25:40I'll get some meat.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55I love meat. Especially al fresco.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00I got some meat.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02But you already found him some.
0:26:02 > 0:26:03When you're ready.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Window's shut.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11- Stick him in the cupboard.- What?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13I'll bring him back later.
0:26:16 > 0:26:17In you go.
0:26:19 > 0:26:21I've got it, quick. This way.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23I've got it.
0:26:23 > 0:26:25Oh. Sorry...
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Hi, you know John.
0:26:27 > 0:26:28Is that our cupboard?
0:26:28 > 0:26:30- Which cupboard?- That one.
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Oh, this one?
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- Er, well, no, actually, it's our cupboard.- I don't understand.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Joyce likes it.- What?
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Alan's going to get her one like it but he...
0:26:40 > 0:26:43he needed to see if it would fit in the gap
0:26:43 > 0:26:44by the side of the bed.
0:26:44 > 0:26:47Oh, yeah, the gap, no tape measure, see?
0:26:47 > 0:26:50- We were bringing it straight back. - Two minutes.- Sorry we didn't ask.
0:26:50 > 0:26:53That's OK, have you seen Becks, anywhere?
0:26:53 > 0:26:55- Er...- Don't think so, no.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58No, we haven't.
0:26:58 > 0:26:59DOG BARKS
0:27:04 > 0:27:05Becksy!
0:27:07 > 0:27:08- Is he all right?- I think so.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13I'm done, mate. You're on your own.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16Wait, so you're trying to steal our dog and our cupboard?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19- It's not your cupboard. - I don't know what to do.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- I don't want to call the police. - Alan, what's going on?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- He's nicking our cupboard.- And our dog.- I know he's confused, but...
0:27:25 > 0:27:28There's no excuse for animal abuse, Alan.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30I don't care how repressed you are.
0:27:30 > 0:27:32What's he talking about?
0:27:32 > 0:27:33Never mind that.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36All you had to do was be nice so we'd have one set of neighbours
0:27:36 > 0:27:39that hadn't reported us to the police.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41This is our cupboard. You took it from our skip.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43I told you we bought that in town.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47- You said you liked it, you said you were going to zhush it up.- Mate...
0:27:47 > 0:27:51- You need to calm down. - I'll prove it! Come on!
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Gemma, take Becksy.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58You stood right here and said that you wanted to zhush up our cupboard.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06- That cupboard?- Yeah. That cupboard. - My great-grandad's cupboard.
0:28:09 > 0:28:12# You're looking for trouble
0:28:12 > 0:28:14# You came to the right place
0:28:14 > 0:28:19# My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack
0:28:19 > 0:28:23# Because I'm evil
0:28:23 > 0:28:26# My middle name is misery
0:28:30 > 0:28:37# Well, I'm evil So don't you mess around with me. #