Episode 2

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Hey, Mr Dream Seller Where have you been?

0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Tell me, have you dreams I can see?

0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I came along just to bring you this song

0:00:14 > 0:00:19# Can you spare one dream for me? #

0:00:58 > 0:00:59Morning.

0:01:02 > 0:01:04"Good morning, Tony, how are you this morning?"

0:01:04 > 0:01:06"Oh, good, thanks."

0:01:06 > 0:01:09"Would you like a cup of tea?" "Oh, that'd be lovely."

0:01:09 > 0:01:11"Here, let me do it for you."

0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Where'd you get that? - I didn't get it anywhere - Leo did.

0:01:29 > 0:01:30What, are you not going to say anything?

0:01:30 > 0:01:35They're getting married, Tony, behind our backs.

0:01:35 > 0:01:37By God, he's a sneaky little bugger.

0:01:37 > 0:01:39What's sneaky is you opening other people's mail.

0:01:39 > 0:01:42Excuse me, I did no such thing.

0:01:42 > 0:01:45Oh, so where did that come from?

0:01:45 > 0:01:47It was in the mail.

0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Who was it addressed to? - A member of the family.

0:01:50 > 0:01:51- Which one?- Leo.- Who opened it?

0:01:51 > 0:01:54- I did.- So you opened Leo's mail.

0:01:54 > 0:01:56Well, if you put it like that, then, yes,

0:01:56 > 0:01:58but you're missing the point, Tony.

0:01:58 > 0:02:01They're getting married behind my back.

0:02:09 > 0:02:11- Morning.- Morning, Jackie.

0:02:11 > 0:02:13Oh, you look absolutely

0:02:13 > 0:02:14battered, love.

0:02:15 > 0:02:18Dean stay over again, did he?

0:02:18 > 0:02:20Yeah.

0:02:20 > 0:02:22Crikey, it's a bit early, isn't it?

0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oh, it's for the tiramisu.

0:02:24 > 0:02:28Tony asked me to make him one for his soft opening.

0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Say again. - He's opening his cafe tonight.

0:02:32 > 0:02:35Not to the public, just to friends and family,

0:02:35 > 0:02:39so I said I'd do him one of my tiramisus.

0:02:39 > 0:02:42So, it's all going well, is it?

0:02:42 > 0:02:45Oh, Mum, I can't believe it.

0:02:45 > 0:02:47He's amazing.

0:02:47 > 0:02:49In fact, I think...

0:02:49 > 0:02:51I think I might be in love.

0:02:52 > 0:02:56He's kind, gentle, romantic.

0:02:56 > 0:02:58Makes me feel like a real woman.

0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh, that is so lovely.

0:03:00 > 0:03:02Plus he's hung like a donkey.

0:03:02 > 0:03:04Aww.

0:03:06 > 0:03:08All I'm saying is you don't even know if

0:03:08 > 0:03:11- that's what they're actually planning.- Well, I will in a minute.

0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Give us it.- No. - If you don't give me that phone,

0:03:15 > 0:03:17I swear I'll start plucking your nose hairs

0:03:17 > 0:03:22- when you're asleep again. - Pam, listen to us, leave it.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27Even if they are thinking of getting married...

0:03:27 > 0:03:31Oh, "Horse-drawn carriages with a twist."

0:03:32 > 0:03:33Have you looked at this?

0:03:33 > 0:03:37If they think I am getting towed to a church by a donkey with a bow on

0:03:37 > 0:03:40- its head, they've got another think coming.- We have to wait...

0:03:40 > 0:03:42Oh, look, budget buffet.

0:03:43 > 0:03:45"Try using onion in any traditional sandwich filling

0:03:45 > 0:03:47"to make a little go a long way."

0:03:47 > 0:03:49We have to wait until they announce it.

0:03:49 > 0:03:51Well, what will they do about the cake, I wonder?

0:03:51 > 0:03:53I mean, why even bother having a sponge?

0:03:53 > 0:03:55Just bus everyone down to Greggs,

0:03:55 > 0:03:59give them a bit of pocket money and let them queue up for a Yum Yum.

0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's too soon, Tony, it's far too soon.

0:04:04 > 0:04:06That might be true but it's up to them.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10Leo and Judy, they're a couple.

0:04:10 > 0:04:12We have to respect that.

0:04:13 > 0:04:14Agreed?

0:04:14 > 0:04:16Agreed.

0:04:24 > 0:04:26Tony...

0:04:28 > 0:04:29I'm out.

0:04:31 > 0:04:32Charming.

0:04:34 > 0:04:36I am pleased for you, love.

0:04:36 > 0:04:40All I'm saying is, we don't want you rushing in feet first again.

0:04:40 > 0:04:42You don't need to worry about that.

0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Are you sure?- He's only just filed for his divorce.

0:04:45 > 0:04:48It'll be weeks before we put anything on Facebook.

0:04:48 > 0:04:50Where are you two off to?

0:04:50 > 0:04:52We are going to a trans support group.

0:04:52 > 0:04:55You've not known him that long, though, Jackie.

0:04:55 > 0:04:57You going to show off your boyfriend?

0:04:57 > 0:05:02- You got it in one.- I'm saying, love, you hardly really know him.

0:05:02 > 0:05:05True, but Melissa who works down Morrisons does.

0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Does she?- Yeah, her mum's got two kids off him.

0:05:08 > 0:05:09OK.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11Right, see you soon.

0:05:11 > 0:05:12Bye-bye.

0:05:12 > 0:05:16Oh, Jackie, I don't mean to fuss.

0:05:16 > 0:05:21- I just want the best for you, that's all.- I know you do.

0:05:21 > 0:05:23But trust me,

0:05:23 > 0:05:27I know he might seem a bit rough round the edges, but underneath,

0:05:27 > 0:05:30he's a real gentleman.

0:05:30 > 0:05:33FROM UPSTAIRS: Jackie, there's a rat up here looking for a trap.

0:05:33 > 0:05:34Aww.

0:05:43 > 0:05:44Morning, Pam.

0:05:45 > 0:05:47Morning, Anj.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49- How are you?- Yeah, not bad, thanks.

0:05:51 > 0:05:53Erm... Hiya. Can I just...

0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Pam, what is it? What's the matter? - It is Leo and Judy, they're...

0:06:02 > 0:06:04I can't even bring myself to say it.

0:06:04 > 0:06:05Oh, no.

0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Yup.- They're splitting up?

0:06:07 > 0:06:09- No, man.- They're taking drugs?

0:06:09 > 0:06:10- No!- They're getting tattoos.

0:06:10 > 0:06:12- What?- They're getting matching tattoos.

0:06:12 > 0:06:14He's having a Chinese symbol on his bum

0:06:14 > 0:06:16and she's getting a bald eagle across her shoulder blades.

0:06:16 > 0:06:18For God's sake, man, Anji!

0:06:18 > 0:06:21Well, sorry, Pam, I'm just thinking worst-case scenarios here.

0:06:21 > 0:06:24Leo and Judy are getting married.

0:06:24 > 0:06:27I tell you what, I'd have paid good money to be a fly on the wall

0:06:27 > 0:06:28- when me mam was here.- I know.

0:06:28 > 0:06:30She's unbelievable, isn't she?

0:06:30 > 0:06:33She keeps going like this, she'll be more trans than you.

0:06:33 > 0:06:36INTERCOM BEEPS

0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Not nervous, are you?- Of course not.

0:06:38 > 0:06:39- You?- No.

0:06:39 > 0:06:41Quite looking forward to it, actually.

0:06:41 > 0:06:43You can stick it up your arse!

0:06:46 > 0:06:47All right?

0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Go.- Oh, man.

0:07:03 > 0:07:05Come on, three minutes tops for an omelette.

0:07:05 > 0:07:07Shush, let us get on with it.

0:07:09 > 0:07:11Move, let me do it.

0:07:11 > 0:07:13It's simple.

0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Aww, give us another egg. - Give it us.

0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Come on, running out of time. Come on!- Stop shouting at us.

0:07:20 > 0:07:22You won't say that to Gordon Ramsay.

0:07:22 > 0:07:25Now get on with it, you dickhead.

0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, I...

0:07:26 > 0:07:28And you said he told you about it when?

0:07:28 > 0:07:30- This morning.- What did he say?

0:07:30 > 0:07:33Well, he didn't so much as say it, he more...

0:07:33 > 0:07:35More what?

0:07:35 > 0:07:37- He hinted at it.- Hinted at it?

0:07:37 > 0:07:41- How?- Well, he gave us a clue and I had to figure out the rest.

0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh, so you opened his mail again.

0:07:44 > 0:07:45OK, there, Dorothy?

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Hot enough for you?

0:07:49 > 0:07:51DRIER HUMS MORE LOUDLY

0:07:56 > 0:07:57Ah-ah-ah!

0:07:57 > 0:07:59Remember what we said.

0:08:01 > 0:08:02Hey-hey!

0:08:02 > 0:08:06OK, what's this? Check on, we've got a smoothie.

0:08:06 > 0:08:09So, we need apples, oranges, bananas.

0:08:09 > 0:08:11Right, come on, get chopping.

0:08:11 > 0:08:13- AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:- Get chopping now!

0:08:13 > 0:08:14Do it.

0:08:16 > 0:08:18Do it now!

0:08:24 > 0:08:26I just thought that, as his mother,

0:08:26 > 0:08:28he might at least tell me he was thinking about it.

0:08:28 > 0:08:31It's not like Leo to keep secrets.

0:08:31 > 0:08:33Apart from the one he had about Judy being transgender.

0:08:33 > 0:08:35Well, yes, apart from that one.

0:08:35 > 0:08:38Thank you, Anji, but it's far too soon.

0:08:38 > 0:08:39You know how fond I am of Judy,

0:08:39 > 0:08:42but it's too soon to be thinking about weddings.

0:08:42 > 0:08:44We need to start thinking about an outfit.

0:08:44 > 0:08:47I mean, how long before I got engaged to Tony?

0:08:47 > 0:08:50That was different, though. You were waiting for his mother to kick

0:08:50 > 0:08:52the bucket so you could get the house.

0:08:52 > 0:08:55At the end of the day, Pam, they obviously love each other.

0:08:55 > 0:08:57It's not about love, man, Anji.

0:08:57 > 0:08:58It's about marriage.

0:09:00 > 0:09:03Come on, Dad. Running out of time.

0:09:03 > 0:09:06Come on, we can do this. Don't forget to...

0:09:06 > 0:09:07BLENDER WHIRS

0:09:11 > 0:09:12..put the lid on.

0:09:17 > 0:09:18So my lawyer said,

0:09:18 > 0:09:21"We've definitely got a case for discrimination in the workplace,

0:09:21 > 0:09:24"what do you want to do?" I said sue.

0:09:24 > 0:09:26He said, "It can be quite a stressful process,

0:09:26 > 0:09:28"are you sure you want to go through with it?"

0:09:28 > 0:09:32I said, "Look, love, I've just spent four hours in the MetroCentre trying

0:09:32 > 0:09:34"to find a pair of kitten heels in size 11.

0:09:34 > 0:09:38"Trust me, this will be a piece of piss."

0:09:38 > 0:09:39Thanks for that, Viv.

0:09:39 > 0:09:42Would anybody else like to share with us now?

0:09:46 > 0:09:47I will.

0:09:49 > 0:09:52I'd just like to say I'm so sorry for earlier.

0:09:52 > 0:09:54It just really pisses me off when people tell me what to do.

0:09:54 > 0:09:57I wasn't trying to tell you what to do, Charlie, I was just saying...

0:09:57 > 0:09:59Alex.

0:09:59 > 0:10:03Why, if I meet a girl, do I have to be all like, "Oh, I'm trans"?

0:10:03 > 0:10:06I mean, I walk down the street and people don't know.

0:10:06 > 0:10:07You know what I mean.

0:10:07 > 0:10:13- Me?- Yeah. I mean, we're born female outside, but inside, we're men.

0:10:13 > 0:10:16- I'm a man, though.- So am I.

0:10:16 > 0:10:18- But I've always been a man.- Exactly.

0:10:18 > 0:10:22He's not trans. He thinks you're trans, love.

0:10:22 > 0:10:23F to M, female to male.

0:10:23 > 0:10:26Oh, no, I'm not trans.

0:10:26 > 0:10:27I'm just a normal bloke.

0:10:28 > 0:10:30"Normal"? Are you trying to say I ain't normal?

0:10:30 > 0:10:32- Charlie...- He didn't mean it like that.

0:10:32 > 0:10:34I really didn't mean it like that.

0:10:34 > 0:10:36Normal is a setting on the washing machine.

0:10:36 > 0:10:38Leo's my partner, he just came along with me today.

0:10:38 > 0:10:39He didn't mean to offend anyone.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41You are trans, though, aren't you, darling?

0:10:41 > 0:10:42Judy's MDF.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46- MTF.- I'll just shut up.

0:10:46 > 0:10:47CHUCKLES

0:10:55 > 0:10:56- How are you feeling?- Great.

0:10:56 > 0:11:00Couldn't be better. Jimmy, why don't we hold off opening the doors?

0:11:00 > 0:11:03- I'm not ready, man.- Dad.

0:11:03 > 0:11:04Dad.

0:11:05 > 0:11:06Listen.

0:11:06 > 0:11:07- You can do this.- Jimmy, I can't.

0:11:07 > 0:11:09- You can.- No, I can't.

0:11:09 > 0:11:12- What did you do that for?- You want to be a winner or a loser?

0:11:13 > 0:11:16Believe it or not, slapping me round the face isn't exactly helping us.

0:11:16 > 0:11:19What do you think Mam'll say when you turn around and tell her,

0:11:19 > 0:11:22"Sorry, Pam, love, I can't do it.

0:11:22 > 0:11:23"I made a terrible mistake."

0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, shite.

0:11:25 > 0:11:29"Well, Tony, wasn't it a good idea you sticking all that redundancy

0:11:29 > 0:11:32"money into that rat-infested greasy spoon?

0:11:32 > 0:11:35"Shame I didn't get my conservatory with the vertical blinds.

0:11:35 > 0:11:38"But you take your time. These Michelin stars don't come easy."

0:11:38 > 0:11:40All right. Let's do it.

0:11:40 > 0:11:41Go on!

0:11:41 > 0:11:43Still got kiwi in your hair.

0:11:48 > 0:11:50(Oh, God, not today.)

0:11:50 > 0:11:52Hiya, Pam! Hiya, Anji!

0:11:52 > 0:11:54- Hiya.- Hiya, Jackie.

0:11:54 > 0:11:55Bit windy out there, is it?

0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh, right, yeah.

0:11:58 > 0:12:00I was going to wash it myself but you know what it's like.

0:12:00 > 0:12:03So much to do, so little time.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06What with my new look, my new job, my relationship.

0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Sorry, your what? - She pulled the rat man.

0:12:09 > 0:12:10Me and Dean are now a couple.

0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Isn't he...? - Divorce is coming through.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15- I thought I saw him on... - No, deleted all his profiles.

0:12:15 > 0:12:16Didn't Lisa in the bookies say...?

0:12:16 > 0:12:19He's had a course of antibiotics and it's all cleared up.

0:12:19 > 0:12:21Dean and I are now officially an item.

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Any chance of you squeezing me in?

0:12:23 > 0:12:25Our boiler's playing up.

0:12:25 > 0:12:27There's not a drop of hot water to be had.

0:12:27 > 0:12:28So after you've done the mop,

0:12:28 > 0:12:32I'll pop in your bog and have a quick spit wash in your sink, all right?

0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'll check the book.

0:12:34 > 0:12:36Hi, Mam.

0:12:36 > 0:12:38Oh, my God, man, look at the state of you.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41Spoon miss your mouth again?

0:12:41 > 0:12:44How's Marco Pierre doing over there?

0:12:44 > 0:12:46Keeping a lid on things.

0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Anj.- James.

0:12:51 > 0:12:52- You all right?- Fine, thanks.

0:12:52 > 0:12:55You look different. Done something with your hair?

0:12:55 > 0:12:57- No.- It's your make-up.

0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Different make-up.- No.

0:12:59 > 0:13:01Eyebrows. Drawn them on different.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03No.

0:13:03 > 0:13:05Cool.

0:13:05 > 0:13:06I'm busy too, so, you know...

0:13:07 > 0:13:09Catch you laters.

0:13:12 > 0:13:13So, just to let you know,

0:13:13 > 0:13:16there's a slight delay on proceedings next door.

0:13:16 > 0:13:18So we'll be starting a little bit later tonight.

0:13:18 > 0:13:20What's this? What's happening tonight?

0:13:20 > 0:13:24It's a trial run of me husband's new cafe, Dorothy.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26- What cafe? - You know, the place next door.

0:13:26 > 0:13:27He's taken that over, has he?

0:13:27 > 0:13:30- He has, Dorothy, aye.- God bless him.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32What a shithole.

0:13:34 > 0:13:37There's quite a few tugs in it.

0:13:37 > 0:13:39Is that... Is that candle wax?

0:13:41 > 0:13:42You going to Tony's this evening?

0:13:42 > 0:13:44Yeah, probably will.

0:13:44 > 0:13:46- Are you?- Yeah. Me and Dean are going.

0:13:46 > 0:13:49So this is serious, then, between you two, is it?

0:13:49 > 0:13:51Could be, Anji, could be.

0:13:51 > 0:13:53I'm just trying to take my time, see what happens.

0:13:53 > 0:13:56Quite right, love. I mean, one wedding in the family's enough

0:13:56 > 0:13:59- to be getting on with for now, isn't it?- Sorry?

0:14:04 > 0:14:09I mean, obviously, I'd prefer a church myself, Dean.

0:14:09 > 0:14:11But that'll be up to Leo and Judy.

0:14:11 > 0:14:13- What did I tell you?- What?

0:14:13 > 0:14:15No-one's supposed to know.

0:14:15 > 0:14:18Oh, no secrets between us in this house, Dean.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20How exciting.

0:14:20 > 0:14:24The first of my daughters to get married.

0:14:24 > 0:14:26What do you mean, the first?

0:14:26 > 0:14:28You've not been married before, have you?

0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Well, I...- To be fair, though,

0:14:32 > 0:14:34that wasn't what you'd really call a marriage.

0:14:34 > 0:14:36- No.- No, more a sort of sham.

0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Mum!- She didn't love him,

0:14:39 > 0:14:45and she was so drunk she had to have her trainers on under her dress.

0:14:45 > 0:14:46Just to stay upright.

0:14:46 > 0:14:51And she didn't even know his surname till he signed on the register.

0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Thanks, Mum.- Ah, well, you know, we've all made mistakes.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Exactly, Dean.- The worst one was

0:14:57 > 0:15:02when she got engaged to the American Marine she met on the internet.

0:15:02 > 0:15:04Have you told Dean about that?

0:15:04 > 0:15:06No, Peggy, she has not.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09Course, he wasn't really a Marine.

0:15:09 > 0:15:13Just a lad in Lagos with a grainy webcam.

0:15:13 > 0:15:16And a hat with some badges on it.

0:15:16 > 0:15:21She's poured more money into the Nigerian black-market economy

0:15:21 > 0:15:23than Fifa.

0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Haven't you, love?- Yeah, that's enough, thanks very much.

0:15:26 > 0:15:29But in case you've forgotten, this isn't about me, this is about Judy.

0:15:29 > 0:15:32Oh, I'm so pleased for her.

0:15:32 > 0:15:35So am I. I'm just wondering when she was going to tell us.

0:15:35 > 0:15:37You know what she's like.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40If anyone can keep something to themselves, it's Judy.

0:15:40 > 0:15:45- Really?- I mean, it took her 20 years to tell us she was transgender.

0:15:48 > 0:15:49What?

0:15:49 > 0:15:52And how long have you been seeing her?

0:15:52 > 0:15:55- A few weeks.- You know, when I first met Leo,

0:15:55 > 0:15:57I didn't know what to do.

0:15:57 > 0:15:59I mean, I knew I had to tell him at some point.

0:15:59 > 0:16:00But...I was scared.

0:16:01 > 0:16:04But then I thought, "No, I'm proud of who I am,

0:16:04 > 0:16:06"and people either accept that or they don't."

0:16:06 > 0:16:08So you just came out with it?

0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Yeah.- She did, yeah.

0:16:11 > 0:16:13I remember it like it was yesterday.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16Beautiful restaurant, romantic glow from the candle,

0:16:16 > 0:16:18she looked us right in the eye and said,

0:16:18 > 0:16:19"Leo, I was born with a penis."

0:16:21 > 0:16:23Wording's optional.

0:16:23 > 0:16:25The thing is, Charlie, you know, it'll be OK.

0:16:25 > 0:16:28It has been for us, I mean, we're...

0:16:30 > 0:16:32- ..getting married.- Congratulations.

0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Thanks.- Cheers.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38- Do you want to go for a pint? - Oh, we can't, we're out tonight.

0:16:38 > 0:16:40Me dad's just got this cafe place in Lambton Square,

0:16:40 > 0:16:42and he's having an opening do thingy.

0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Oh, OK.- But you've got my number, so just give me a call any time.

0:16:45 > 0:16:49And, Charlie, remember, whatever happens, it'll be OK, yeah?

0:16:54 > 0:16:55- Now.- No!

0:16:57 > 0:16:58Stupid things.

0:16:59 > 0:17:02Oi, here, I wonder where we'll go for the stag do.

0:17:02 > 0:17:04You know, it's got to be somewhere secret.

0:17:04 > 0:17:07Somewhere dark and mysterious with a seedy underbelly.

0:17:07 > 0:17:10Somewhere where anything goes and anything can happen.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Somewhere like...- Your bedroom?

0:17:12 > 0:17:13THEY LAUGH

0:17:13 > 0:17:14Garcon!

0:17:14 > 0:17:15LIGHTER CLICKS

0:17:16 > 0:17:17FLAME ROARS

0:17:19 > 0:17:20But she looks just like a woman.

0:17:20 > 0:17:23That's because she is a woman.

0:17:23 > 0:17:25Right, right.

0:17:25 > 0:17:27But she's not really, though, is she?

0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Dean!- I mean, like, she's not really a woman, is she?

0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Why's that?- Well, because, if you've been a man,

0:17:32 > 0:17:34then you're always a man.

0:17:37 > 0:17:39No?

0:17:39 > 0:17:44Jackie, top Dean up, and we'll talk him through it again.

0:17:44 > 0:17:45Stick a brandy in it.

0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Smile! - CAMERA CLICKS

0:18:15 > 0:18:16Tony?

0:18:18 > 0:18:20Tony?

0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Where are you?- Madame, Buenos Aires.

0:18:25 > 0:18:27James, where's your dad? What's going on?

0:18:27 > 0:18:28He'll be out in five minutes.

0:18:28 > 0:18:32He's a bit stressed. We think he's suffering with a burn-out.

0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Burn-out?- Take a seat.

0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Anji.- James.

0:18:39 > 0:18:40Right this way.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46- I can smell burning. - I'll open the back door.

0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Hiya, Peggy.- Hello.

0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Hi, Peggy.- Is something burning?

0:18:53 > 0:18:56- I told you!- It's the candles, Peggy.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58It smells like human hair.

0:18:58 > 0:19:02And I know that because it's exactly like the smell when I sit with my

0:19:02 > 0:19:05legs too close to the electric fire.

0:19:05 > 0:19:06Sexy.

0:19:08 > 0:19:12All right, mate? Is that the V620 box you've got under there?

0:19:12 > 0:19:15Good choice. If you need any help rounding up the carcasses,

0:19:15 > 0:19:17- give us a shout.- Thanks.

0:19:21 > 0:19:22Ladies.

0:19:24 > 0:19:28What in God's name has happened to you, man?

0:19:28 > 0:19:31You've got a face like a baboon's arse.

0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's very hot in the kitchen, isn't it, Dad?

0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Very.- So, um...

0:19:35 > 0:19:38what can Chef recommend?

0:19:38 > 0:19:42Apart from a mosquito net and a course of antibiotics?

0:19:42 > 0:19:43Tiramisu.

0:19:45 > 0:19:48Pam. Pam, have you met Dean?

0:19:48 > 0:19:49No. Hiya, Dean.

0:19:49 > 0:19:53- All right?- Pam works with Anj at the salon.

0:19:53 > 0:19:56All right, Anji? Any more droppings round your back door?

0:19:57 > 0:19:58None at the moment, thanks, Dean.

0:19:58 > 0:20:02So, you two are an item now, are you?

0:20:02 > 0:20:04- That we are.- That's nice.

0:20:04 > 0:20:05Good luck with that, Dean.

0:20:05 > 0:20:07SHE CHUCKLES

0:20:08 > 0:20:10How is it?

0:20:10 > 0:20:11Like cat piss.

0:20:11 > 0:20:13Hi! Sorry we're late.

0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Hi, Pam.- Hi, Judy.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18Hi, Tony. Your face is a bit...

0:20:20 > 0:20:22You all right, Dad?

0:20:22 > 0:20:23Judy, Dean's here.

0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh, hiya, Dean.

0:20:25 > 0:20:26All right, mate?

0:20:28 > 0:20:32So, let me get this straight.

0:20:32 > 0:20:35Does Pam know about the wedding?

0:20:35 > 0:20:36- No.- Eh?

0:20:38 > 0:20:42She knows, but she doesn't know.

0:20:42 > 0:20:44- And I know...- That's right.

0:20:44 > 0:20:46But I don't "know".

0:20:46 > 0:20:52So, both me and Pam don't know.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55I suppose it's sort of like the first night with the in-laws, then.

0:20:55 > 0:20:57Shut up about that, Anj.

0:20:57 > 0:20:59Certainly what you'd call eclectic.

0:20:59 > 0:21:01That Jackie's a loose cannon.

0:21:01 > 0:21:02And as for Peggy...

0:21:03 > 0:21:04She's harmless.

0:21:05 > 0:21:06You all right, Peggy?

0:21:08 > 0:21:10I don't know.

0:21:10 > 0:21:11Right.

0:21:11 > 0:21:13Complete and utter nutter.

0:21:14 > 0:21:16So let me get this straight.

0:21:16 > 0:21:20If she's trans, does that make Leo gay?

0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Right, I've had enough, I'm going over.- No. Pam, don't.

0:21:32 > 0:21:34Hiya, Mam.

0:21:34 > 0:21:36Leo, Judy.

0:21:36 > 0:21:37You both all right?

0:21:37 > 0:21:39- Yeah, good.- Fine, thanks.

0:21:39 > 0:21:42- Have you had a nice day?- Not bad.

0:21:42 > 0:21:46Did you do anything interesting, any news?

0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Like what?- Well, I don't know.

0:21:49 > 0:21:53I mean, is anything occurring that might be of any note to your mother?

0:21:53 > 0:21:56- I told you, we went to the support group.- Uh-huh. How was that?

0:21:56 > 0:22:00- Good, wasn't it?- Yeah, Leo made lots of new friends.

0:22:00 > 0:22:01Did he?

0:22:01 > 0:22:05- Nothing else?- Tiramisu, anyone?

0:22:06 > 0:22:07Thanks, Dad.

0:22:11 > 0:22:14- She knows.- No. - I swear to God, she knows.

0:22:14 > 0:22:17She doesn't, you're just being paranoid.

0:22:17 > 0:22:20Same as his dad, can't get a peep out of him.

0:22:20 > 0:22:24Do you know, if it wasn't for his travel sickness and his contact lenses,

0:22:24 > 0:22:26he could have been a bloody spy.

0:22:26 > 0:22:28- JAMES:- Get out there. Go, go.

0:22:28 > 0:22:30I can't just...

0:22:30 > 0:22:33Everybody, everybody...

0:22:33 > 0:22:35I'd like to make a little speech.

0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'd just like to say... BUG ZAPPER BUZZES

0:22:41 > 0:22:44I'd just like to say thank you for coming tonight.

0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's been really tough getting everything ready.

0:22:46 > 0:22:52And, to be honest, I didn't think we were going to make it.

0:22:52 > 0:22:54But, here we are.

0:22:55 > 0:22:57KNOCKING

0:22:59 > 0:23:00I won't be long.

0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Charlie.- Sorry, I tried ringing you, but your phone was off.

0:23:07 > 0:23:09What's up? Have you been drinking?

0:23:09 > 0:23:12Anyway, with no more ado, I'd like you to sit back, relax

0:23:12 > 0:23:14and enjoy yourselves.

0:23:14 > 0:23:18Oh, anything on the board with a line through it

0:23:18 > 0:23:20is currently unavailable.

0:23:26 > 0:23:29Well, I decided to do it. I thought, "Judy's right.

0:23:29 > 0:23:31"Why don't I just go for it and do what she did?

0:23:31 > 0:23:32"Be true to myself."

0:23:34 > 0:23:38So I did. I thought, if Tanya really likes me, then

0:23:38 > 0:23:39she'll accept me for who I am.

0:23:39 > 0:23:41- So I told her.- Good for you.

0:23:41 > 0:23:44- How did it go?- Brilliant.

0:23:44 > 0:23:47She burst into tears, accused me of being a lesbian,

0:23:47 > 0:23:50- and then buggered off and left me to pay the bill.- Oh...

0:23:55 > 0:23:58Come in, Charlie. Everyone, this is my new friend Charlie.

0:23:58 > 0:23:59- Hi, Charlie.- Hiya, Charlie.

0:23:59 > 0:24:04Grab a bowl, Charlie, there's plenty of tiramisu.

0:24:04 > 0:24:05HE WHISTLES

0:24:12 > 0:24:13Jesus.

0:24:13 > 0:24:16- How do you think it's going? - Excellent.

0:24:16 > 0:24:17I'm so proud of you.

0:24:18 > 0:24:20- You think so?- Aye.

0:24:20 > 0:24:22Once we get rid of the mice, sort the flies out

0:24:22 > 0:24:24and actually start serving food,

0:24:24 > 0:24:27this place is going to really take off.

0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Well done, Dad.- And me.

0:24:29 > 0:24:30- Well done, Dad.- Thanks, son.

0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Dead proud of you. - Like I've said for a long time,

0:24:33 > 0:24:36this area needs somewhere that offers quality food at a fair price.

0:24:36 > 0:24:38And, in the meantime, we can just come here.

0:24:38 > 0:24:39Hey-hey!

0:24:39 > 0:24:41GLASS TINGS

0:24:43 > 0:24:46Everybody, I would like to propose a toast.

0:24:48 > 0:24:50To my new best friend Judy.

0:24:51 > 0:24:54You are a total inspiration, even if I am now single because of you.

0:24:54 > 0:24:55Aww.

0:24:55 > 0:25:00She...she is going to make Leo the best wife ever.

0:25:02 > 0:25:04To Leo and Judy, everybody!

0:25:04 > 0:25:06SILENCE

0:25:07 > 0:25:09- JAMES:- (Awkward.)

0:25:09 > 0:25:11To Leo and Judy!

0:25:12 > 0:25:14- ALL LACKLUSTRE: Leo...- Leo and Judy.

0:25:19 > 0:25:21Thanks, Mum.

0:25:24 > 0:25:26We were going to tell you, Mam, honest.

0:25:26 > 0:25:28- Were you now?- Yes, I promise,

0:25:28 > 0:25:31we just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit.

0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Leo... - FLIES BUZZ

0:25:35 > 0:25:38Leo, are you sure you're doing the right thing?

0:25:39 > 0:25:41Yeah.

0:25:41 > 0:25:42Yeah, I am.

0:25:43 > 0:25:45Oh, God, I was sure you knew.

0:25:45 > 0:25:47God, you're a right one for keeping me in the dark,

0:25:47 > 0:25:48aren't you, you little bugger?

0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Oh, Mam, you dropped your book. - FLIES BUZZ

0:25:55 > 0:25:56You dead!

0:26:01 > 0:26:03Is that...?

0:26:04 > 0:26:05You opened my mail?

0:26:06 > 0:26:09So you knew?

0:26:09 > 0:26:11I didn't. I swear.

0:26:11 > 0:26:13CRASHING FROM THE KITCHEN Bloody hell!

0:26:13 > 0:26:15Tony?

0:26:18 > 0:26:21It's all right. It's all under control.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23POTS AND PANS CRASH

0:26:25 > 0:26:26Sort of.

0:26:31 > 0:26:35# Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on

0:26:35 > 0:26:37# And I'll be there

0:26:37 > 0:26:39# I promise I'll be there

0:26:41 > 0:26:46# Down the empty streets we'll disappear into the dawn

0:26:46 > 0:26:54# If you have dreams enough to share. #