0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Hey, Mr Dream Seller Where have you been?
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Tell me, have you dreams I can see?
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I came along just to bring you this song
0:00:14 > 0:00:19# Can you spare one dream for me? #
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Morning.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04"Good morning, Tony, how are you this morning?"
0:01:04 > 0:01:06"Oh, good, thanks."
0:01:06 > 0:01:09"Would you like a cup of tea?" "Oh, that'd be lovely."
0:01:09 > 0:01:11"Here, let me do it for you."
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Where'd you get that? - I didn't get it anywhere - Leo did.
0:01:29 > 0:01:30What, are you not going to say anything?
0:01:30 > 0:01:35They're getting married, Tony, behind our backs.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37By God, he's a sneaky little bugger.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39What's sneaky is you opening other people's mail.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Excuse me, I did no such thing.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Oh, so where did that come from?
0:01:45 > 0:01:47It was in the mail.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Who was it addressed to? - A member of the family.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51- Which one?- Leo.- Who opened it?
0:01:51 > 0:01:54- I did.- So you opened Leo's mail.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Well, if you put it like that, then, yes,
0:01:56 > 0:01:58but you're missing the point, Tony.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01They're getting married behind my back.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11- Morning.- Morning, Jackie.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Oh, you look absolutely
0:02:13 > 0:02:14battered, love.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Dean stay over again, did he?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Yeah.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Crikey, it's a bit early, isn't it?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Oh, it's for the tiramisu.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28Tony asked me to make him one for his soft opening.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Say again. - He's opening his cafe tonight.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Not to the public, just to friends and family,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39so I said I'd do him one of my tiramisus.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42So, it's all going well, is it?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Oh, Mum, I can't believe it.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47He's amazing.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49In fact, I think...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51I think I might be in love.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56He's kind, gentle, romantic.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Makes me feel like a real woman.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Oh, that is so lovely.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Plus he's hung like a donkey.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Aww.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08All I'm saying is you don't even know if
0:03:08 > 0:03:11- that's what they're actually planning.- Well, I will in a minute.
0:03:12 > 0:03:15- Give us it.- No. - If you don't give me that phone,
0:03:15 > 0:03:17I swear I'll start plucking your nose hairs
0:03:17 > 0:03:22- when you're asleep again. - Pam, listen to us, leave it.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Even if they are thinking of getting married...
0:03:27 > 0:03:31Oh, "Horse-drawn carriages with a twist."
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Have you looked at this?
0:03:33 > 0:03:37If they think I am getting towed to a church by a donkey with a bow on
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- its head, they've got another think coming.- We have to wait...
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Oh, look, budget buffet.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45"Try using onion in any traditional sandwich filling
0:03:45 > 0:03:47"to make a little go a long way."
0:03:47 > 0:03:49We have to wait until they announce it.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Well, what will they do about the cake, I wonder?
0:03:51 > 0:03:53I mean, why even bother having a sponge?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Just bus everyone down to Greggs,
0:03:55 > 0:03:59give them a bit of pocket money and let them queue up for a Yum Yum.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's too soon, Tony, it's far too soon.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06That might be true but it's up to them.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Leo and Judy, they're a couple.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12We have to respect that.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Agreed?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Agreed.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Tony...
0:04:28 > 0:04:29I'm out.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Charming.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36I am pleased for you, love.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40All I'm saying is, we don't want you rushing in feet first again.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42You don't need to worry about that.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- Are you sure?- He's only just filed for his divorce.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48It'll be weeks before we put anything on Facebook.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Where are you two off to?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52We are going to a trans support group.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55You've not known him that long, though, Jackie.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You going to show off your boyfriend?
0:04:57 > 0:05:02- You got it in one.- I'm saying, love, you hardly really know him.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05True, but Melissa who works down Morrisons does.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08- Does she?- Yeah, her mum's got two kids off him.
0:05:08 > 0:05:09OK.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Right, see you soon.
0:05:11 > 0:05:12Bye-bye.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Oh, Jackie, I don't mean to fuss.
0:05:16 > 0:05:21- I just want the best for you, that's all.- I know you do.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23But trust me,
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I know he might seem a bit rough round the edges, but underneath,
0:05:27 > 0:05:30he's a real gentleman.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33FROM UPSTAIRS: Jackie, there's a rat up here looking for a trap.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Aww.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Morning, Pam.
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Morning, Anj.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- How are you?- Yeah, not bad, thanks.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Erm... Hiya. Can I just...
0:05:58 > 0:06:02- Pam, what is it? What's the matter? - It is Leo and Judy, they're...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04I can't even bring myself to say it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:05Oh, no.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- Yup.- They're splitting up?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09- No, man.- They're taking drugs?
0:06:09 > 0:06:10- No!- They're getting tattoos.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- What?- They're getting matching tattoos.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14He's having a Chinese symbol on his bum
0:06:14 > 0:06:16and she's getting a bald eagle across her shoulder blades.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18For God's sake, man, Anji!
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Well, sorry, Pam, I'm just thinking worst-case scenarios here.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Leo and Judy are getting married.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I tell you what, I'd have paid good money to be a fly on the wall
0:06:27 > 0:06:28- when me mam was here.- I know.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30She's unbelievable, isn't she?
0:06:30 > 0:06:33She keeps going like this, she'll be more trans than you.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36INTERCOM BEEPS
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Not nervous, are you?- Of course not.
0:06:38 > 0:06:39- You?- No.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Quite looking forward to it, actually.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43You can stick it up your arse!
0:06:46 > 0:06:47All right?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Go.- Oh, man.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Come on, three minutes tops for an omelette.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Shush, let us get on with it.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Move, let me do it.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13It's simple.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Aww, give us another egg. - Give it us.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Come on, running out of time. Come on!- Stop shouting at us.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22You won't say that to Gordon Ramsay.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Now get on with it, you dickhead.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Oh, I...
0:07:26 > 0:07:28And you said he told you about it when?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- This morning.- What did he say?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33Well, he didn't so much as say it, he more...
0:07:33 > 0:07:35More what?
0:07:35 > 0:07:37- He hinted at it.- Hinted at it?
0:07:37 > 0:07:41- How?- Well, he gave us a clue and I had to figure out the rest.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh, so you opened his mail again.
0:07:44 > 0:07:45OK, there, Dorothy?
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Hot enough for you?
0:07:49 > 0:07:51DRIER HUMS MORE LOUDLY
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Ah-ah-ah!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Remember what we said.
0:08:01 > 0:08:02Hey-hey!
0:08:02 > 0:08:06OK, what's this? Check on, we've got a smoothie.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So, we need apples, oranges, bananas.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Right, come on, get chopping.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- AS ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER:- Get chopping now!
0:08:13 > 0:08:14Do it.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Do it now!
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I just thought that, as his mother,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28he might at least tell me he was thinking about it.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31It's not like Leo to keep secrets.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Apart from the one he had about Judy being transgender.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Well, yes, apart from that one.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38Thank you, Anji, but it's far too soon.
0:08:38 > 0:08:39You know how fond I am of Judy,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42but it's too soon to be thinking about weddings.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44We need to start thinking about an outfit.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I mean, how long before I got engaged to Tony?
0:08:47 > 0:08:50That was different, though. You were waiting for his mother to kick
0:08:50 > 0:08:52the bucket so you could get the house.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55At the end of the day, Pam, they obviously love each other.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57It's not about love, man, Anji.
0:08:57 > 0:08:58It's about marriage.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Come on, Dad. Running out of time.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Come on, we can do this. Don't forget to...
0:09:06 > 0:09:07BLENDER WHIRS
0:09:11 > 0:09:12..put the lid on.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18So my lawyer said,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21"We've definitely got a case for discrimination in the workplace,
0:09:21 > 0:09:24"what do you want to do?" I said sue.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26He said, "It can be quite a stressful process,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28"are you sure you want to go through with it?"
0:09:28 > 0:09:32I said, "Look, love, I've just spent four hours in the MetroCentre trying
0:09:32 > 0:09:34"to find a pair of kitten heels in size 11.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38"Trust me, this will be a piece of piss."
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Thanks for that, Viv.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Would anybody else like to share with us now?
0:09:46 > 0:09:47I will.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52I'd just like to say I'm so sorry for earlier.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54It just really pisses me off when people tell me what to do.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I wasn't trying to tell you what to do, Charlie, I was just saying...
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Alex.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Why, if I meet a girl, do I have to be all like, "Oh, I'm trans"?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06I mean, I walk down the street and people don't know.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07You know what I mean.
0:10:07 > 0:10:13- Me?- Yeah. I mean, we're born female outside, but inside, we're men.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16- I'm a man, though.- So am I.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18- But I've always been a man.- Exactly.
0:10:18 > 0:10:22He's not trans. He thinks you're trans, love.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23F to M, female to male.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Oh, no, I'm not trans.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27I'm just a normal bloke.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30"Normal"? Are you trying to say I ain't normal?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- Charlie...- He didn't mean it like that.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I really didn't mean it like that.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Normal is a setting on the washing machine.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Leo's my partner, he just came along with me today.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39He didn't mean to offend anyone.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You are trans, though, aren't you, darling?
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Judy's MDF.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46- MTF.- I'll just shut up.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47CHUCKLES
0:10:55 > 0:10:56- How are you feeling?- Great.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00Couldn't be better. Jimmy, why don't we hold off opening the doors?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- I'm not ready, man.- Dad.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Dad.
0:11:05 > 0:11:06Listen.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07- You can do this.- Jimmy, I can't.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09- You can.- No, I can't.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- What did you do that for?- You want to be a winner or a loser?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16Believe it or not, slapping me round the face isn't exactly helping us.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19What do you think Mam'll say when you turn around and tell her,
0:11:19 > 0:11:22"Sorry, Pam, love, I can't do it.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23"I made a terrible mistake."
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oh, shite.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29"Well, Tony, wasn't it a good idea you sticking all that redundancy
0:11:29 > 0:11:32"money into that rat-infested greasy spoon?
0:11:32 > 0:11:35"Shame I didn't get my conservatory with the vertical blinds.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38"But you take your time. These Michelin stars don't come easy."
0:11:38 > 0:11:40All right. Let's do it.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Go on!
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Still got kiwi in your hair.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50(Oh, God, not today.)
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Hiya, Pam! Hiya, Anji!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- Hiya.- Hiya, Jackie.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55Bit windy out there, is it?
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Oh, right, yeah.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I was going to wash it myself but you know what it's like.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03So much to do, so little time.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06What with my new look, my new job, my relationship.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- Sorry, your what? - She pulled the rat man.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Me and Dean are now a couple.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- Isn't he...? - Divorce is coming through.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15- I thought I saw him on... - No, deleted all his profiles.
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Didn't Lisa in the bookies say...?
0:12:16 > 0:12:19He's had a course of antibiotics and it's all cleared up.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Dean and I are now officially an item.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Any chance of you squeezing me in?
0:12:23 > 0:12:25Our boiler's playing up.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27There's not a drop of hot water to be had.
0:12:27 > 0:12:28So after you've done the mop,
0:12:28 > 0:12:32I'll pop in your bog and have a quick spit wash in your sink, all right?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34I'll check the book.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Hi, Mam.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Oh, my God, man, look at the state of you.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Spoon miss your mouth again?
0:12:41 > 0:12:44How's Marco Pierre doing over there?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Keeping a lid on things.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Anj.- James.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52- You all right?- Fine, thanks.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55You look different. Done something with your hair?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- No.- It's your make-up.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Different make-up.- No.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Eyebrows. Drawn them on different.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03No.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Cool.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06I'm busy too, so, you know...
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Catch you laters.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13So, just to let you know,
0:13:13 > 0:13:16there's a slight delay on proceedings next door.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18So we'll be starting a little bit later tonight.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20What's this? What's happening tonight?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24It's a trial run of me husband's new cafe, Dorothy.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26- What cafe? - You know, the place next door.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27He's taken that over, has he?
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- He has, Dorothy, aye.- God bless him.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32What a shithole.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37There's quite a few tugs in it.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Is that... Is that candle wax?
0:13:41 > 0:13:42You going to Tony's this evening?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Yeah, probably will.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- Are you?- Yeah. Me and Dean are going.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49So this is serious, then, between you two, is it?
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Could be, Anji, could be.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I'm just trying to take my time, see what happens.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56Quite right, love. I mean, one wedding in the family's enough
0:13:56 > 0:13:59- to be getting on with for now, isn't it?- Sorry?
0:14:04 > 0:14:09I mean, obviously, I'd prefer a church myself, Dean.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11But that'll be up to Leo and Judy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- What did I tell you?- What?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15No-one's supposed to know.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Oh, no secrets between us in this house, Dean.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20How exciting.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24The first of my daughters to get married.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26What do you mean, the first?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28You've not been married before, have you?
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- Well, I...- To be fair, though,
0:14:32 > 0:14:34that wasn't what you'd really call a marriage.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- No.- No, more a sort of sham.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Mum!- She didn't love him,
0:14:39 > 0:14:45and she was so drunk she had to have her trainers on under her dress.
0:14:45 > 0:14:46Just to stay upright.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51And she didn't even know his surname till he signed on the register.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- Thanks, Mum.- Ah, well, you know, we've all made mistakes.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- Exactly, Dean.- The worst one was
0:14:57 > 0:15:02when she got engaged to the American Marine she met on the internet.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Have you told Dean about that?
0:15:04 > 0:15:06No, Peggy, she has not.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Course, he wasn't really a Marine.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Just a lad in Lagos with a grainy webcam.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16And a hat with some badges on it.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21She's poured more money into the Nigerian black-market economy
0:15:21 > 0:15:23than Fifa.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Haven't you, love?- Yeah, that's enough, thanks very much.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29But in case you've forgotten, this isn't about me, this is about Judy.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Oh, I'm so pleased for her.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35So am I. I'm just wondering when she was going to tell us.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37You know what she's like.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40If anyone can keep something to themselves, it's Judy.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45- Really?- I mean, it took her 20 years to tell us she was transgender.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49What?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52And how long have you been seeing her?
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- A few weeks.- You know, when I first met Leo,
0:15:55 > 0:15:57I didn't know what to do.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59I mean, I knew I had to tell him at some point.
0:15:59 > 0:16:00But...I was scared.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04But then I thought, "No, I'm proud of who I am,
0:16:04 > 0:16:06"and people either accept that or they don't."
0:16:06 > 0:16:08So you just came out with it?
0:16:08 > 0:16:11- Yeah.- She did, yeah.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I remember it like it was yesterday.
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Beautiful restaurant, romantic glow from the candle,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18she looked us right in the eye and said,
0:16:18 > 0:16:19"Leo, I was born with a penis."
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Wording's optional.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25The thing is, Charlie, you know, it'll be OK.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28It has been for us, I mean, we're...
0:16:30 > 0:16:32- ..getting married.- Congratulations.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- Thanks.- Cheers.
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- Do you want to go for a pint? - Oh, we can't, we're out tonight.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Me dad's just got this cafe place in Lambton Square,
0:16:40 > 0:16:42and he's having an opening do thingy.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45- Oh, OK.- But you've got my number, so just give me a call any time.
0:16:45 > 0:16:49And, Charlie, remember, whatever happens, it'll be OK, yeah?
0:16:54 > 0:16:55- Now.- No!
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Stupid things.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02Oi, here, I wonder where we'll go for the stag do.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04You know, it's got to be somewhere secret.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07Somewhere dark and mysterious with a seedy underbelly.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Somewhere where anything goes and anything can happen.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- Somewhere like...- Your bedroom?
0:17:12 > 0:17:13THEY LAUGH
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Garcon!
0:17:14 > 0:17:15LIGHTER CLICKS
0:17:16 > 0:17:17FLAME ROARS
0:17:19 > 0:17:20But she looks just like a woman.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23That's because she is a woman.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Right, right.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27But she's not really, though, is she?
0:17:27 > 0:17:29- Dean!- I mean, like, she's not really a woman, is she?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- Why's that?- Well, because, if you've been a man,
0:17:32 > 0:17:34then you're always a man.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39No?
0:17:39 > 0:17:44Jackie, top Dean up, and we'll talk him through it again.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45Stick a brandy in it.
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Smile! - CAMERA CLICKS
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Tony?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Tony?
0:18:21 > 0:18:25- Where are you?- Madame, Buenos Aires.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27James, where's your dad? What's going on?
0:18:27 > 0:18:28He'll be out in five minutes.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32He's a bit stressed. We think he's suffering with a burn-out.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- Burn-out?- Take a seat.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Anji.- James.
0:18:39 > 0:18:40Right this way.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- I can smell burning. - I'll open the back door.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- Hiya, Peggy.- Hello.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Hi, Peggy.- Is something burning?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- I told you!- It's the candles, Peggy.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58It smells like human hair.
0:18:58 > 0:19:02And I know that because it's exactly like the smell when I sit with my
0:19:02 > 0:19:05legs too close to the electric fire.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Sexy.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12All right, mate? Is that the V620 box you've got under there?
0:19:12 > 0:19:15Good choice. If you need any help rounding up the carcasses,
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- give us a shout.- Thanks.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Ladies.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28What in God's name has happened to you, man?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31You've got a face like a baboon's arse.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33It's very hot in the kitchen, isn't it, Dad?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- Very.- So, um...
0:19:35 > 0:19:38what can Chef recommend?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42Apart from a mosquito net and a course of antibiotics?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Tiramisu.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Pam. Pam, have you met Dean?
0:19:48 > 0:19:49No. Hiya, Dean.
0:19:49 > 0:19:53- All right?- Pam works with Anj at the salon.
0:19:53 > 0:19:56All right, Anji? Any more droppings round your back door?
0:19:57 > 0:19:58None at the moment, thanks, Dean.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02So, you two are an item now, are you?
0:20:02 > 0:20:04- That we are.- That's nice.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05Good luck with that, Dean.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07SHE CHUCKLES
0:20:08 > 0:20:10How is it?
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Like cat piss.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Hi! Sorry we're late.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15- Hi, Pam.- Hi, Judy.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Hi, Tony. Your face is a bit...
0:20:20 > 0:20:22You all right, Dad?
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Judy, Dean's here.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Oh, hiya, Dean.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26All right, mate?
0:20:28 > 0:20:32So, let me get this straight.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Does Pam know about the wedding?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36- No.- Eh?
0:20:38 > 0:20:42She knows, but she doesn't know.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- And I know...- That's right.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46But I don't "know".
0:20:46 > 0:20:52So, both me and Pam don't know.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I suppose it's sort of like the first night with the in-laws, then.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Shut up about that, Anj.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Certainly what you'd call eclectic.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01That Jackie's a loose cannon.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02And as for Peggy...
0:21:03 > 0:21:04She's harmless.
0:21:05 > 0:21:06You all right, Peggy?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I don't know.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Right.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Complete and utter nutter.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16So let me get this straight.
0:21:16 > 0:21:20If she's trans, does that make Leo gay?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29- Right, I've had enough, I'm going over.- No. Pam, don't.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Hiya, Mam.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Leo, Judy.
0:21:36 > 0:21:37You both all right?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- Yeah, good.- Fine, thanks.
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- Have you had a nice day?- Not bad.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Did you do anything interesting, any news?
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Like what?- Well, I don't know.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53I mean, is anything occurring that might be of any note to your mother?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- I told you, we went to the support group.- Uh-huh. How was that?
0:21:56 > 0:22:00- Good, wasn't it?- Yeah, Leo made lots of new friends.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Did he?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05- Nothing else?- Tiramisu, anyone?
0:22:06 > 0:22:07Thanks, Dad.
0:22:11 > 0:22:14- She knows.- No. - I swear to God, she knows.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17She doesn't, you're just being paranoid.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Same as his dad, can't get a peep out of him.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24Do you know, if it wasn't for his travel sickness and his contact lenses,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26he could have been a bloody spy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28- JAMES:- Get out there. Go, go.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30I can't just...
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Everybody, everybody...
0:22:33 > 0:22:35I'd like to make a little speech.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38I'd just like to say... BUG ZAPPER BUZZES
0:22:41 > 0:22:44I'd just like to say thank you for coming tonight.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46It's been really tough getting everything ready.
0:22:46 > 0:22:52And, to be honest, I didn't think we were going to make it.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54But, here we are.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57KNOCKING
0:22:59 > 0:23:00I won't be long.
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Charlie.- Sorry, I tried ringing you, but your phone was off.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09What's up? Have you been drinking?
0:23:09 > 0:23:12Anyway, with no more ado, I'd like you to sit back, relax
0:23:12 > 0:23:14and enjoy yourselves.
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Oh, anything on the board with a line through it
0:23:18 > 0:23:20is currently unavailable.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Well, I decided to do it. I thought, "Judy's right.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31"Why don't I just go for it and do what she did?
0:23:31 > 0:23:32"Be true to myself."
0:23:34 > 0:23:38So I did. I thought, if Tanya really likes me, then
0:23:38 > 0:23:39she'll accept me for who I am.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41- So I told her.- Good for you.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- How did it go?- Brilliant.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47She burst into tears, accused me of being a lesbian,
0:23:47 > 0:23:50- and then buggered off and left me to pay the bill.- Oh...
0:23:55 > 0:23:58Come in, Charlie. Everyone, this is my new friend Charlie.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59- Hi, Charlie.- Hiya, Charlie.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04Grab a bowl, Charlie, there's plenty of tiramisu.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05HE WHISTLES
0:24:12 > 0:24:13Jesus.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- How do you think it's going? - Excellent.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17I'm so proud of you.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- You think so?- Aye.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Once we get rid of the mice, sort the flies out
0:24:22 > 0:24:24and actually start serving food,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27this place is going to really take off.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Well done, Dad.- And me.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30- Well done, Dad.- Thanks, son.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- Dead proud of you. - Like I've said for a long time,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36this area needs somewhere that offers quality food at a fair price.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38And, in the meantime, we can just come here.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Hey-hey!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41GLASS TINGS
0:24:43 > 0:24:46Everybody, I would like to propose a toast.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50To my new best friend Judy.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54You are a total inspiration, even if I am now single because of you.
0:24:54 > 0:24:55Aww.
0:24:55 > 0:25:00She...she is going to make Leo the best wife ever.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04To Leo and Judy, everybody!
0:25:04 > 0:25:06SILENCE
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- JAMES:- (Awkward.)
0:25:09 > 0:25:11To Leo and Judy!
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- ALL LACKLUSTRE: Leo...- Leo and Judy.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21Thanks, Mum.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26We were going to tell you, Mam, honest.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28- Were you now?- Yes, I promise,
0:25:28 > 0:25:31we just wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- Leo... - FLIES BUZZ
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Leo, are you sure you're doing the right thing?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Yeah.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Yeah, I am.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Oh, God, I was sure you knew.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47God, you're a right one for keeping me in the dark,
0:25:47 > 0:25:48aren't you, you little bugger?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52- Oh, Mam, you dropped your book. - FLIES BUZZ
0:25:55 > 0:25:56You dead!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Is that...?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05You opened my mail?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09So you knew?
0:26:09 > 0:26:11I didn't. I swear.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13CRASHING FROM THE KITCHEN Bloody hell!
0:26:13 > 0:26:15Tony?
0:26:18 > 0:26:21It's all right. It's all under control.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23POTS AND PANS CRASH
0:26:25 > 0:26:26Sort of.
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# And I'll be there
0:26:37 > 0:26:39# I promise I'll be there
0:26:41 > 0:26:46# Down the empty streets we'll disappear into the dawn
0:26:46 > 0:26:54# If you have dreams enough to share. #