0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:07# Hey, Mr Dreamseller Where have you been?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10# Tell me have you dreams I can see?
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I came along just to bring you this song
0:00:14 > 0:00:19# Can you spare one dream for me? #
0:00:25 > 0:00:30Tony, did you know that the youngest person to transition was 16?
0:00:30 > 0:00:31Kim Petras.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32Right.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Good to know.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40And here's another fact.
0:00:40 > 0:00:41Are you listening?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43I didn't know that, interesting.
0:00:43 > 0:00:46It says here that Laverne Cox was the first...
0:00:46 > 0:00:49First transgender to be nominated for an Emmy, aye, I know.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51You told us last night, man.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Well, there's no harm in being better educated, Tony.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57And there's no harm in getting a good night's sleep either, Pam.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Look,
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Judy and Leo know they've got our support.
0:01:03 > 0:01:06There's no need to go all Trans-Mastermind, is there?
0:01:06 > 0:01:08I'm sorry, you're right.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Go back to sleep.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Oh, my God, listen to this!
0:01:25 > 0:01:26A blue trouser suit?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29Age-appropriate, tasteful,
0:01:29 > 0:01:31ideal for someone your age to get married in.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33You remind me of somebody.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Who?
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Oh, German...
0:01:36 > 0:01:37What's her name?
0:01:37 > 0:01:38This could take a while.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- Claudia Schiffer!- No!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Oh, what's she called?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Always right smart dressed.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- Eva Braun!- No!
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- Oh, I know who it is!- ALL: Who?
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Angela Merkel.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02HE WHISTLES
0:02:02 > 0:02:03Oi!
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Top 50 alternate wedding ideas
0:02:05 > 0:02:08- for an unforgettable wedding! - HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- Give us that back! - Please let's go abroad.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11A wedding on a beach.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14Sun, sea, bridesmaids in bikinis.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Judy still thinking of asking Jackie to be a bridesmaid?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Well, sun and sea, anyway.
0:02:18 > 0:02:20- Hi, love.- Hi, Mam.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Hello, Mother.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- How's your day been? - Oh, just wonderful.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Four spiral perms,
0:02:27 > 0:02:31an asymmetric bob on a woman who refused to take off her neck brace
0:02:31 > 0:02:35and an ear piercing on an eight-year-old girl called Ariel.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38And, believe you me, if you'd seen the size of the hoops
0:02:38 > 0:02:40her mother was trying to shove in,
0:02:40 > 0:02:42never has a name been more apt.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Dinner is served, madam.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Ooh! More leftovers from the cafe, Tony?
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- I wouldn't say leftovers. - What would you say, then?
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Waste. Bilge.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Sh...- Leftovers is fine.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57I'm really not sure, I...
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I think you look great.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02I'm telling you, when Leo sees you walking down the aisle,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- the sparks'll fly. - She's not wrong there, Judy.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06100% polyester, this is.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Yeah, all right, Gok Wan.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10I suppose a little bit in here.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12And a little bit out there.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16It's smashing. With a pair of high heels and your long legs,
0:03:16 > 0:03:17you'll look like...
0:03:17 > 0:03:19A tall Angela Merkel.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25So, Leo, to what do we owe this pleasure?
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Judy's trying on dresses with her mam and Jackie.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30- Good luck with that, then.- Mam...
0:03:30 > 0:03:34Well, haway, Leo, they're not exactly fashion gurus, are they?
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I mean, one of them feels overdressed
0:03:36 > 0:03:39if she's got her knickers on and the other one, bless her,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42looks like she was stitched into that anorak in 1983
0:03:42 > 0:03:44and nobody's bothered to cut her free.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Tony, this is a family meal, not Man v. Food.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56What d'you think?
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Wow.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59That's major.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02It's just one of my ideas for the wedding cake.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I was thinking a castle might be nice,
0:04:05 > 0:04:08so I copied a picture I found on the internet.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Then you can have
0:04:09 > 0:04:14the little fairy-tale prince and princess figurines of Leo and Judy
0:04:14 > 0:04:16up on the turrets.
0:04:16 > 0:04:17So who's this, then?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Oh, that's Jackie.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I put her lower down so she doesn't topple it.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Are you sure it's big enough, Mum?
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Oh, here he is.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28All right? All right, Charlie, love?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30All right, sweetheart.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Looks like Colditz.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Oh! It is!
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- Come on, Charlie, we need to go. - Where are you off to?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42- Tony's cooking tea. - Oh, that's a shame.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Why? Were you going to do us something?
0:04:43 > 0:04:44No.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46OK, see you soon. Bye!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- See yous later.- See you.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Good day?- Exhausting.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Had an infestation at the Chinese on Northfield Square.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Kitchens hadn't been cleaned for weeks. Disgusting, it was.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Oh, love, you must be knackered.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Shall I fix you something?
0:04:59 > 0:05:00No, I've eaten.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- The girl did us a sweet-and-sour pork as a thank you.- Oh, nice.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I meant to say,
0:05:07 > 0:05:10I was chatting to Angie today about places for the reception.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Anywhere in mind?
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Erm... A few thoughts.
0:05:14 > 0:05:15We're working on it.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18What about the function room at the Territorial Army?
0:05:18 > 0:05:20You know, where you did that yoga class
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- and that woman farted in your face. - No, James.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26We haven't decided yet. We're going to go and see a few places tomorrow.
0:05:26 > 0:05:27Oh, OK. Fair enough.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- What places?- I don't know.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Jackie's got somewhere in mind
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- and we're going to go and see it tomorrow with Peggy.- Of course.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Well, as long as they're getting their tuppence worth in,
0:05:39 > 0:05:40- that's fine. - DOOR OPENS
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Hi!- Hi.- Hiya, Judy.
0:05:42 > 0:05:43Sorry we're late.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Have I missed the food?
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Afraid not, Charlie.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48There's a plate for you in the oven.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50- How'd you get on?- Oh, don't ask.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52Judy, cottage pie?
0:05:52 > 0:05:54There's a hammer and chisel in the shed
0:05:54 > 0:05:55if the knife and fork don't hack it.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57No, I'm fine, thanks, Pam.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Leo said you're going to look at some venues
0:05:59 > 0:06:01for the reception tomorrow.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Well, we'll see how it goes, yeah.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05We, erm...
0:06:05 > 0:06:07We actually quite fancy the Nelson.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Ooh, the Nelson.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Where the beer's cold and the welcome warm.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Or is it the other way round?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Listen, there's nowt wrong with the Nelson.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18- Runs a good buffet, does Mike. - Mike couldn't run a bath, man.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21More's the pity, state of his fingernails.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23We just want somewhere low-key, that's all.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Low-key?
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Well, the Nelson's certainly low-key, I'll give you that.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Not exactly what me and Anji were thinking.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- Anji? What's it got to do with Anji? - Pam, we were thinking...
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Anji and I were thinking, why don't you have it at the Franklin?
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Mm! Franklin, that's well pukka.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Exactly.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43It's where the footballers made that sex tape.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45It's the best hotel in Newcastle.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49You say that, but the lighting in that room didn't look too good.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I've got connections there, as it happens.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56- I'm very good friends with the assistant man...- Janitor.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- ..manager.- Really?- Monica. Mm-hm.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00She comes in the salon.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03If Anji's eczema's bad, then it's always me she gets to shampoo her.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Well, we'll have a think about it, Pam.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Mind, it's quite a hike from the registry office.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- Eh, Leo?- Thank you, Jimmy.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Registry office? What registry office?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Well, we were thinking of getting married in a registry office.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Erm...- Anybody got any problems with that?
0:07:20 > 0:07:21No.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Not me.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26- Cue Pam! Cue Pam!- Well, actually, I have, as it happens.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28Pam, we got married in a registry office.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Exactly. And they're just not the same, are they?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I mean, not with your plastic flowers and your Venetian blinds.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36The fact that you're behind on your council tax
0:07:36 > 0:07:38and you might get nobbled on the way in.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Look, would everybody please just stop.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42It's our wedding, we'll sort it.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45If we want anybody's opinion, we'll ask for it, OK?
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Fine. Absolutely fine.
0:07:47 > 0:07:48Thank you.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52In fact, it's probably just as well that they haven't got a date,
0:07:52 > 0:07:54a venue or anything resembling a plan.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Eh?- Well, it'll give you time to stop stuffing your face
0:07:58 > 0:08:01and get to the gym. I mean, call me old-fashioned,
0:08:01 > 0:08:04but I would quite like to be photographed at Leo's wedding
0:08:04 > 0:08:06on the arm of my husband,
0:08:06 > 0:08:10not helping the paramedics winch him in before the vows start.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22- I mean, the Franklin, that's the place, Pam.- I know.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23- Celebrity hotspot.- I know.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I've seen people from Geordie Shore being sick outside it at weekends.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31I know! But apparently it might be too far from the registry office.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33The registry office?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35They're going for that, are they?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37- Well, I suppose.- What?
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Well, can you get married in a church if you're trans?
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Yep.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Gender Recognition Act 2004, Anji.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47I mean, there might be a few sniffy responses
0:08:47 > 0:08:49but I would just speak to the vicar at St Matthias.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51He pretty cool, is he?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Well, he's in no place to judge.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55His son was born with webbed toes
0:08:55 > 0:08:57and it's only thanks to the marvels of modern medicine
0:08:57 > 0:09:00that the lad can even look at a flip-flop.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04This whole thing is supposed to be a celebration.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07I mean, I thought your lesbians and your gays and your trans
0:09:07 > 0:09:10and all that crowd loved a bit of glamour and a right old knees-up.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- It's up to them, I suppose. - But I wanted to be in OK! Magazine.
0:09:13 > 0:09:14I could see it clearly.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Church wedding for local lad
0:09:16 > 0:09:20who marries transgender partner 15 years his senior.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22I meant, a picture of me in the pale green hat
0:09:22 > 0:09:25that I showed you off the Debenhams website, but hey-ho.
0:09:25 > 0:09:26PHONE RINGS
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Hello. Cloud 99.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Oh, hello, Joan.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35Yes, I've got you down for an upper lip and forearm.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40I'll never forget my wedding reception.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42What a day that was!
0:09:42 > 0:09:45Your gran just cried from beginning to end.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46Oh, bless her.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50She was a very emotional person.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Plus, I think the fact that I was three months pregnant
0:09:54 > 0:09:58made it like a sort of double celebration for her.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01Honestly, why don't we just go and see if the Nelson's available.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03- We'd be happy there, wouldn't we? - Yeah, it feels like us.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04Oh, that's boring.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Don't get me wrong, Leo, I like the Nelson.
0:10:07 > 0:10:11It's cheap, good location,
0:10:11 > 0:10:16but Mike's selection of crisps leaves a lot to be desired.
0:10:16 > 0:10:20You need somewhere a bit lively, somewhere people will remember.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23They'll say, "Leo and Judy's wedding! I'll never forget it".
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Country and western bar?
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Yee-ha!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36- You all right, Dean? - All right, Charlie lad, come in.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Is Peggy in?- She's not. Her and Jackie are away out.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40Oh, right.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41What did you want her for?
0:10:41 > 0:10:45It's fine, Judy asked her to look at a book for me.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Oh, right. Well, I reckon they'll be back about tea-time.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49No, I'm busy. Got a hot date.
0:10:49 > 0:10:50What? With a girl?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52No, with a hamster.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Of course with a girl!
0:10:53 > 0:10:56And she's... You know... Legit? She's a girl-girl?
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Yes.- Oh! Well... Well done!
0:10:59 > 0:11:00That's good, isn't it?
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Tell you what, eh, fingers crossed, you never know, tonight,
0:11:03 > 0:11:05it could be your lucky night, son, eh!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09So, say, you know, you do hit it off...
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Yes?- ..and, you know, you're thinking
0:11:11 > 0:11:15maybe you might want to carry this on a little bit tonight?
0:11:15 > 0:11:16How would that work, exactly?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- You're thinking about cock, aren't you?- Well, obvi... What?
0:11:19 > 0:11:23You're thinking about cock. You're thinking, "Do trans men have cocks?"
0:11:23 > 0:11:26What are you... Are you... What?
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Come on, mate, let's get the kettle on.
0:11:28 > 0:11:29We need to have a chat.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37It was quite dark, wasn't it?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Yeah.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41And it had a sort of musty smell.
0:11:41 > 0:11:42Yeah.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45And there were a lot of groups of men
0:11:45 > 0:11:49in tight denim with a sort of hungry look in their eye.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51What did you think, Jackie?
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Oh, I agree, couldn't fault it.
0:11:52 > 0:11:55Sorry, Jackie, but there is no way we're having it in there.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Well, what about the bowling club where I had mine?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Cheap bar, plenty of space for a buffet
0:12:00 > 0:12:02and the grass out front is lovely and flat
0:12:02 > 0:12:04if you need to lie down and sober up.
0:12:04 > 0:12:05No.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07We could just have it at ours.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12If I shove all the furniture back, there's plenty of room for dancing.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Let's just keep looking. We'll find somewhere.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Oi!
0:12:16 > 0:12:18Oh, hello!
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Don't think so.
0:12:26 > 0:12:29OK, so, we've got this bit,
0:12:29 > 0:12:31that comes off the arm, you with me?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Yeah.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35And then this all gets stretched out.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39And then they roll it up.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43And it's got all that fleshy stuff inside that makes it like muscle.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46Like a pig in a blanket?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- Sorry.- And then you've got these.
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Where have these come from?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- These are implants.- Right, right.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55They're too round, though. More oval.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58And make one a bit bigger than the other one.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01Somebody's getting into this.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03And these would go in your...
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Your sac!
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- Scrotum.- Exactly.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10And then here, in one of them, you would have your pump.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12- Your pump?- Yeah.
0:13:12 > 0:13:13So you can... You know...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Oh, right, so you can do a wee!
0:13:15 > 0:13:17- No! So you can... - HE WHISTLES
0:13:17 > 0:13:20- No!- Yeah.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- No!- Yeah.- You mean...
0:13:22 > 0:13:24You want a little thingy and you'd give it a little pump
0:13:24 > 0:13:26and it goes pfft-pfft-pfft?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Oh, bloody hell!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Eh, don't tell Jackie!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33She'll have me up the hospital getting one fitted in no time.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I mean, they're cutting it a bit fine.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Most places are booked up years in advance.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40That's what I keep telling them, Anji.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Nobody cares what I think.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45You'll never guess where Leo suggested.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Where?
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- The Nelson.- Oh, no!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Yep.- The Nelson's...
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- Well, it's... - It's a bit of a shithole.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Yes, thank you, Dorothy.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58And as for Mike's hygiene...
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- Yes, yes, it's not the freshest. - Freshest?
0:14:01 > 0:14:03He's a manky little bastard!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05PHONE RINGS
0:14:05 > 0:14:07- Make a bit more sense?- Yeah.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10I mean, it's one of those things, you know what I mean?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13- You don't like to ask.- That's cool, but at least you know now, eh?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15That's right. Dean Mullins, specialist subject -
0:14:15 > 0:14:17vermin control and people who've had sex changes.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Transgender, mate. People who are transgender.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Transgender, sorry, got it.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Eh, I tell you what, I bet it must have been sore, though.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I mean, I go in a bit too close with the clippers
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and I'm on the baggy undies sometimes, never mind all that.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Well, erm, I wouldn't know.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34You what?
0:14:34 > 0:14:36I wouldn't know because I've not had it done.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Why not?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Because I don't know if I want to.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43But you've got to, don't you?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Says who?
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Whoa, whoa, this is too much.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48So you've had...
0:14:48 > 0:14:49But you haven't had...
0:14:50 > 0:14:52So you're half-half, then.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55There, off you go, Dorothy.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57Enjoy!
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- Hiya!- Hey! Here he is!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- Hi, Anji.- Hiya.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Dare I ask how it went today?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Good, yeah.
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Not decided yet, but a few options.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Good. Good.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Erm...
0:15:16 > 0:15:18I just wanted to say sorry if I was short with yous last night.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20It's just...
0:15:20 > 0:15:22There's so much going on and...
0:15:22 > 0:15:24You know, people with different ideas of what we should
0:15:24 > 0:15:26and shouldn't be doing, I just...
0:15:26 > 0:15:29I stressed myself a bit and I'm sorry.
0:15:29 > 0:15:31Ah, you're all right. Come here, give us a hug.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Ah!
0:15:36 > 0:15:39Look at the state of you.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- What?- Look at the state of those brows, Anj.
0:15:42 > 0:15:43Ah, Leo.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Cristiano Ronaldo wouldn't be seen dead
0:15:45 > 0:15:48with that sort of growth going on. What you playing at, man?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Plonk yourself in that seat and I will fix you up.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- Oh, no, I'm not... - No, no, no, no, come on. Come on.
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Now, Anj, normally I would thread
0:15:57 > 0:15:59but I think it might be easier
0:15:59 > 0:16:04if I just tweeze these little stragglers.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06- Argh!- Oh.
0:16:06 > 0:16:09It's such a shame that you haven't found anywhere that you like,
0:16:09 > 0:16:13but, never mind, at least you've got Peggy and Jackie to help you.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Ow! Right, that's enough!
0:16:15 > 0:16:16- What the...- Pin him down, Anj!
0:16:16 > 0:16:17What on...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- Argh!- If it was up to me... - It's not up to you!
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Of course it's not, silly me!
0:16:23 > 0:16:25- Argh!- Even though I am your mother!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Ow! Right, that's enough! I said that's enough!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29- Say you'll go to the Franklin.- No!
0:16:29 > 0:16:30- Ow!- Why not?- Because!
0:16:30 > 0:16:33You see, the Franklin, Anj, is the best hotel in Newcastle,
0:16:33 > 0:16:35but it's not bloody good enough for our Leo, is it?
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Ow! Right, OK! If I say I'll go, will you stop?
0:16:38 > 0:16:41- Yes!- All right, I'll go.- Promise? - I said I'll go! I'll go!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- Ow! What?- There, all done.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44PHONE RINGS
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Right! Pretty sure I've got it now.
0:16:49 > 0:16:52Right! So, at the end of the day,
0:16:52 > 0:16:55I'm a man because up here I'm male.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57So remember what I said?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58Gender is...
0:16:58 > 0:17:02- BOTH:- ..what's between your ears, not what's between your legs.
0:17:02 > 0:17:03Right. Oh!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07HE MIMICS A MACHINE GUN
0:17:22 > 0:17:23So...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26What do you think?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Oh, this is how the other half live, eh, Pam!
0:17:29 > 0:17:32It's pure class, isn't it?
0:17:32 > 0:17:34Man on the door called me madam!
0:17:34 > 0:17:36Well, they can't get everything right.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Hello.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44Would you inform your assistant manager that Mrs Pamela McDonald
0:17:44 > 0:17:46is here to see her?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49- Certainly, madam, just bear with me. - Thank you.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Wahey!
0:17:57 > 0:17:59- Wow!- What?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02You must have a full workout just trying to pull yourself into those.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- What's wrong with them? Quality gear, this.- Must be.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05He's had them for 30 year.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08Right, now Pam has given me strict instructions
0:18:08 > 0:18:11that you guys must be ripped and ready for those wedding pics.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13- So, watch and learn, eh? - Er, excuse me.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15It's not the first time I've been in a gym.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16I'm not a complete novice.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19OK. Let's start with some cardio.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Better still,
0:18:20 > 0:18:21we'll start with a run.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Thanks so much for fitting us in, Monica.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Oh, it's a pleasure, Pam.
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Is it your first time at the Franklin?
0:18:29 > 0:18:30No!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Well, not for me, anyway.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34- It is for me.- And me.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Oh, we've been before.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38- Have you?- Yes.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Jackie got caught short and came in to use the toilet
0:18:41 > 0:18:45while I waited on that chair and ate a nice egg sandwich.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Ah!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- How you doing?- Yep, no problem!
0:18:52 > 0:18:54What about you?
0:18:54 > 0:18:56Good, mate. All good.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58James...
0:18:58 > 0:18:59James, stop!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03It's all about balance,
0:19:03 > 0:19:04determination
0:19:04 > 0:19:06and, above all, focus.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07Got it.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Jimmy, man!
0:19:11 > 0:19:12CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Yeah!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23- What do you think? - It's pretty swanky, isn't it?
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Oh! This is very nice, Monica.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Very, very nice indeed.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33I love the colour on the walls.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35It's very unusual.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- It's magnolia, Pam.- Mm-hm.
0:19:37 > 0:19:42What's the height on your fire doors, Monica?
0:19:42 > 0:19:43Sorry?
0:19:43 > 0:19:45Just for getting the cake in and out.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50One thing I would like to discuss with you is the canapes.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Oh, good thinking, Pam.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Though there is that big one out the front.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56People can just smoke under that.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59I do think it's important, don't you, Monica,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01that people aren't drinking on an empty stomach,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05otherwise they'll be chucking their guts up at three in the afternoon!
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Well, we offer a wide range of catering options.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13We regularly have functions for up to 250 people at a time
0:20:13 > 0:20:16with a wide range of dietary requirements.
0:20:16 > 0:20:20But do you cut the crusts off the sandwiches, Monica?
0:20:20 > 0:20:23Fiddly but worth it.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24What do you think?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28It's a bit much, isn't it?
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I mean, apart from anything else, we'll never fill the place.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33Don't be so daft!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35By the time we've invited all your dad's side,
0:20:35 > 0:20:40your auntie Margaret and then some of the ladies from the salon...
0:20:40 > 0:20:43And I'm sure Mrs Artley here has a few from her side
0:20:43 > 0:20:44she'd like to invite.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Am I right?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48A few, but most of my lot are dead.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Oh!
0:20:58 > 0:21:02You know, Charlie, I did a lot of exercise when I was younger.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03- Yeah?- Why?
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Football, basketball,
0:21:06 > 0:21:08handball.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11- That's a lot of balls, mate. - No, it's all true.- Hey-hey!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Right, now we're going to stretch out our hamstrings, OK?
0:21:13 > 0:21:15So, right leg forward.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17And lunge.
0:21:19 > 0:21:20Oh, I'm slipping!
0:21:20 > 0:21:21I'm slipping, lad!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Oh! Get us up!
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- Smooth.- Oh!
0:21:31 > 0:21:32HICCUPING
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- Is she OK?- Oh, she's always like this with fizzy stuff, Monica.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38She just needs a right good burp to shift it.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- I just need somebody... - SHE HICCUPS
0:21:40 > 0:21:43..to do something to give me a fright.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Off you go, Jackie, take your make-up off.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51So, including the ice sculptures,
0:21:51 > 0:21:53the canapes, the bagpipes...
0:21:53 > 0:21:54- Mam...- Shush!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- ..the champagne fountain... - This is bonkers.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58- Mam!- Not now, Leo.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- ..a DJ for the evening... - Mam, honestly?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- ..and the photo booth. - Mam, let's just stop.
0:22:02 > 0:22:04This is nuts! We can't afford any of this.
0:22:04 > 0:22:07- What planet are you on? - Leo, my darling, there is no reason
0:22:07 > 0:22:08for you to worry about a thing
0:22:08 > 0:22:10because it won't cost you a penny.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12What?
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Consider this a gift
0:22:14 > 0:22:17to you and Judy from me and your dad.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Yes, we might have to do without some of the finer things in life,
0:22:20 > 0:22:24like holidays, meals out, heating,
0:22:24 > 0:22:26but nothing is too good for our boy.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30Now, why don't you go and get your mam another glass of champagne...
0:22:31 > 0:22:35..and me and Monica will start crunching numbers.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Mam...- Thank me later.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42Come on, then, Monica, let's start talking turkey.
0:22:42 > 0:22:44THEY GROAN LOUDLY
0:22:54 > 0:22:56I reckon that'll do us.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57How you feeling?
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Aye... Spot on.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02- Just give us a minute to get my... - I'll just text my mam.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06You're not nearly as bad as I thought you were going to be.
0:23:06 > 0:23:08- Cheeky bugger!- Just to let you know,
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Dad hasn't had a heart attack.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17This is the most pretentious place I've ever been to in my life.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19I know.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22How do you feel about little church, nice dress...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24For me or for you?
0:23:24 > 0:23:25For me.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Sounds perfect.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30So, that's that.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Oh! She thought it were going to bounce!
0:23:34 > 0:23:37So, we'll be in touch. I have all your contact details here,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39but, in the meantime, that's the deposit paid
0:23:39 > 0:23:42and you can clear the balance closer to the time.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Much obliged, thank you very much.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49Sorry, Monica, I thought you said deposit.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Hi. Mam, can I talk to you?
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Hang on a minute, Leo.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55I think I must have misheard you because I thought you said deposit.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Yes.- When obviously what you meant to say was...
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- Deposit.- Right.- Mam, me and Judy, we're really sorry...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02And so the balance will be...
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Er, let me see.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- Mam!- Pam!- What?
0:24:06 > 0:24:09I don't want you to think we're ungrateful because we're not,
0:24:09 > 0:24:11we really appreciate everything that you're doing for us, don't we?
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- Absolutely.- But, honestly, all this...
0:24:15 > 0:24:16It just isn't us.
0:24:16 > 0:24:18This isn't our kind of place.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20I'm sorry, but
0:24:20 > 0:24:22- it's just not happening. - There you go.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26You're fucking right it's not happening.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Do you know something, Monica?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I'm going to have to take this one and discuss it with my husband,
0:24:32 > 0:24:34if that's all right.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Where we going?
0:24:37 > 0:24:40Well, let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
0:24:40 > 0:24:41I will and thanks again.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Sorry for the rush and thank you.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Oh, and the money I've already paid, that's...
0:24:47 > 0:24:49Is non-refundable, I'm afraid.
0:24:52 > 0:24:56What about if I said I'll take my knickers off
0:24:56 > 0:24:58and do a cartwheel through your reception?
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Come with me and I'll see if there's something we can sort out.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05Oh.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17You did well, mate. It's not easy if you haven't done it in a while.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I'm strong stuff, Charlie boy.
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Takes more than a bit of exercise to knock me off my perch.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24Fit!
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Ow!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Oh!
0:25:27 > 0:25:29- There's a door there.- Aye.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- All right, Pam? - Hi, Mike. I'm fine. How are you?
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- Aye, champion.- Good.
0:25:45 > 0:25:50Now, as you all know, and I've said so from the start,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I think we could do a lot worse than the Nelson.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13# Meet me on the corner when the lights are coming on
0:26:13 > 0:26:14# And I'll be there
0:26:14 > 0:26:17# I promise I'll be there
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# Down the empty streets we'll disappear until the dawn
0:26:23 > 0:26:29# If you have dreams enough to share. #