0:00:02 > 0:00:04# Hey Mr dream seller Where have you been?
0:00:04 > 0:00:08# Tell me Have you dreams I can see?
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I came along Just to bring you this song
0:00:14 > 0:00:19# Can you spare one dream for me? #
0:00:25 > 0:00:27Open your mouth.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Can you remember how that tastes?
0:00:36 > 0:00:39- Yeah, but, erm... - Incoming.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Ah! Mm.
0:00:41 > 0:00:44SHE LAUGHS
0:00:44 > 0:00:45A bit of warning next time.
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Is that canape more tasty, less tasty or the same?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Mmm...more tasty.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57More tasty, less tasty or the same?
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Erm...more tasty.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03Oh, wait, that was the same as the last one.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07You should have said the same. Come on, Judy, take it seriously.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Please don't think I'm not grateful
0:01:09 > 0:01:11for you offering to do all the catering, Mum.
0:01:11 > 0:01:16When Mike down the Nelson told me the kitchen was being done up
0:01:16 > 0:01:22the exact week that you and Leo are getting married, well, I thought, destiny.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Yeah, well, it's just that, I don't know if this is helping.- How else will I get it right?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27Oh, Mum, you always get it right.
0:01:27 > 0:01:28BUZZER
0:01:28 > 0:01:30That will be the next lot.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I hope you've left room.
0:01:34 > 0:01:38I don't know how much more I can take of this. It's like vol-au-vent Russian roulette.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41- What am I going to do? - Don't ask me, I'm far too busy
0:01:41 > 0:01:44doing the finishing touches to your hen night!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Do you think she'll be offended if I ask somebody else to do the catering?
0:01:47 > 0:01:52I know not everyone likes liver,
0:01:52 > 0:01:57so I thought why not mix liver with things that people do like?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Liver and chocolate.
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- Jackie, you like chocolate. - Carbs.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10I've been on stags you wouldn't believe.
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Strippers punching out the best man in a rundown theme pub.
0:02:13 > 0:02:1720-stone blokes crying their eyes out at four in the morning on the Scotswood Bridge.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- I told you, you're not coming to mine.- Remember when we went for drinks after work
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- and I blagged you into the VIP casino?- I remember losing half a month's wages.- You loved it.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28And when we had to stay late, and to kill time we replayed the entire
0:02:28 > 0:02:311987 BDO Darts Championship, match for match?
0:02:31 > 0:02:33I still don't see why I had to be Eric Bristow.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Look, my point is, when I'm there, fun happens and when I'm not there...
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- OK, OK, you can come.- Yes! - But I have to warn you -
0:02:41 > 0:02:45James could be planning anything. It might get intense.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49I can do intense.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Don't say I didn't warn you.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57So, what's Judy doing for her hen?
0:02:57 > 0:03:00I am not drinking out of a straw with a cock on the end of it.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04I am definitely not going to be wearing a pink cowboy hat,
0:03:04 > 0:03:08and I am definitely not sucking whipped cream out of the chest hair
0:03:08 > 0:03:11of some moonlighting PE teacher dressed as a naughty fireman.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15Come on, Pam, who's to say Jackie hasn't planned something classy,
0:03:15 > 0:03:16restrained and tasteful?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Well, thank God you're here to soak up some of the madness.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Right, I'll just take this lot out and then we're ready.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46What's this?
0:03:46 > 0:03:47You were taking the bins out.
0:03:47 > 0:03:52Oh, this isn't my rubbish, but it was my bin, but whose could it be?
0:03:52 > 0:03:54Let's have a look, shall we?
0:03:56 > 0:04:01Coffee grounds, a stack of menus with the word menu misspelled,
0:04:01 > 0:04:05stale cupcakes covered in what looks like minced beef...
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- It's like it's come from some sort of cafe.- Tasty Tony.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11This is the fourth time this week.
0:04:11 > 0:04:13My bin says salon, his bin says cafe, how's that difficult?
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Anj, the thing with Tony is, if you want something doing,
0:04:17 > 0:04:18it's best to do it yourself.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Do you think this is funny? - Well, it's only a bin, Anj.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25- My bin, that I pay for. - Right, I'll have a word.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31What, you want us to go now?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Uh-huh, now.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43- The stag do.- You mean the stag do to end all stag dos?
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Stagmageddon, stagpocalypse...
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- It's not going to be mucky, is it? - Mucky? Hah.
0:04:48 > 0:04:51Dad, how can you think so little of me?
0:04:51 > 0:04:54Because I found this - "James' Secret Stag Plans."
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Secret.
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- Look at you two.- Fit.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02These...
0:05:02 > 0:05:03- are yours.- Huh?
0:05:03 > 0:05:06You put them in my bin, again.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09- Uh-oh. Bin wars.- I pay for that bin, but if it's full of your rubbish,
0:05:09 > 0:05:12that means I need to pay for another bin, with my money.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I told James to put it in the right bin.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17I am dangerously undertrained.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I don't care whose fault it was, it just doesn't happen again, understood?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23TOGETHER: Yes, love. CAR HORN TOOTS
0:05:23 > 0:05:26- Oh, there's your cab. - So, what do you reckon?
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Karaoke in a rough pub or chicken in a basket down the bingo?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I don't know Pam, they're your family.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36And no mucky stuff on this stag do.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38HE SNORTS
0:05:38 > 0:05:41No rubbish in the salon bins, no muck on the stag do.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Let's stag!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51I cannot wait to get mortal.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- Mortal?- Shitfaced, pissed.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Wasting NHS resources, flat on my back and fighting the pavement.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- It's not going to be like that. - Tonight, anything can happen.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02You and you are going to love what I've got planned. Shh.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05THEY CHEER
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Sorry I'm late. Got room for one more?
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- Hiya.- The more the merrier. - But she's a girl. No offence.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12See, I told you they'd notice.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15Whoa, you can't have a girl on a stag do, man.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17What if we want to be rude?
0:06:17 > 0:06:21You want to be rude? I'll make you blush like a vicar at a glory hole.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- It's not going to be like that. - It's my stag, she's coming.
0:06:24 > 0:06:29But this is an all-male environment, where male things happen.
0:06:29 > 0:06:30Manly things.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35All-male men, doing manly things to another man.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Oh, she's going for it. - Eh, just like your mam.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Wow.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Oh, yes!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- I think she'll keep up. - Welcome aboard.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Lucky for you there was a no-show,
0:06:51 > 0:06:55but don't come crying when things get staggy.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57So, who's ready for Leo's stag do?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- ALL:- Yes!
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- I said...- Shoes!
0:07:01 > 0:07:03I said, who is ready for Leo's stag do?
0:07:03 > 0:07:04- ALL:- Yeah!
0:07:11 > 0:07:15No, Mum, grab a big plate, pile it high, here you go.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18How great is this place?
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You can eat as much as you want.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22- I'm sure it won't be all that much. - Are you mad?
0:07:22 > 0:07:27They've got everything - curry, sweet and sour, meat.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29After all this healthy eating, I deserve a night of greasy fun.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31All those healthy diet pills.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35I could do something like this for your wedding, piles of everything.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Sometimes less is more, Mum.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42First things first, stag uniforms.
0:07:42 > 0:07:43Oh, no.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Oh, yes. Customised and everything.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Get them on. Here we go.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- One for you...and catch. - Snog a stranger?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- Yeah.- That's just a standard night out.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Piggyback race on a fat man? What is this?
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Stag checklist, you do one and you tick it off.
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Streak across Rynek Glowny.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03What's a Rynek Glowny?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07It's the main square, in Krakow.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09In Poland.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12- You didn't?- Oh, mate, he did... - Oh, I did.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I saved the coupons from the paper,
0:08:14 > 0:08:18bought the cheap plane tickets and we are invading Poland.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- ALL:- Yes!
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Poland, where we'll be going go-kart racing...- ALL:- Yeah.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- ..visit a beer festival... - ALL:- Yeah!
0:08:26 > 0:08:30..and enjoy cheap strippers all night.
0:08:30 > 0:08:3224 hours of madness and then back home.
0:08:32 > 0:08:36Mate, you legend. I honestly thought we'd just end up down the Nelson.
0:08:36 > 0:08:37No.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39These tickets are for yesterday.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42No way, man, it's today, it's...
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Shit.
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Shit.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Shit!- What about the go-karting and the discount strippers?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54And all that Polish sausage?
0:08:54 > 0:08:57- How can you get the dates wrong? - It's OK, mate.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Anyone could have made that mistake. We can still have a stag.
0:09:00 > 0:09:04- How?- We'll just go down the Nelson. - Aye, aye, come on.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- No way.- Nah, it's not over yet.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09It's all over, I messed up the tickets.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Have you got more booze?- Obvs.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13I got it for the coach to the airport.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Right, break that out, get everyone good and pissed.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Stag, get your T-shirt on.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21You, if he's still sober when I get back, there'll be trouble.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Big fella, come with me.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- Yes ma'am.- W-w-wait, I don't understand, what's going on?
0:09:26 > 0:09:29Well, if we can't go to Poland, I'll bring it to you.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32That all sounds like a lovely story, but...
0:09:32 > 0:09:33Hey, hey!
0:09:35 > 0:09:38There you go. That's one ticked off.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41And before the rest of you start getting ideas, that was purely pity.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Right, come on.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- She's your boss?- I know.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50- Hi.- Oh, hi.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Sorry we're late. Oh, this place looks...
0:09:53 > 0:09:57It looks like someone's freezer's packed up and they had to cook everything at once.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59I know, isn't it brilliant?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Come on, son, anyone could have made the same mistake.
0:10:03 > 0:10:07But it was going to be awesome. You know what's Polish for awesome?
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Niesamowite. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Man, it was going to be niesamowite.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16It's fine, man. We'll have a few drinks in here and then head into town, it'll be fun.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- Hiya.- Wahey.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19- Now then, lads...- What the...?
0:10:19 > 0:10:22We've got Polish vodka, Polish beer,
0:10:22 > 0:10:25pickled beetroot and some very strange looking sweets, and...
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- ..this!- Wahey.
0:10:30 > 0:10:33- Kielbasa wes...- Weselna.- Weselna.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Known to its mates as the wedding sausage.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40When I told Piotr at the Polski Sklep that you were getting married
0:10:40 > 0:10:43he insisted I took one, so there you go, early wedding present.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44Welcome to Poland, son.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49Whatever else happens tonight, you are definitely getting the sausage.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51I mean, come on, a bin's a bin.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53You'd think she'd see the funny side of it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57It's like when I accidentally shaved Mrs Scott's head,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59she didn't find that funny either.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Then again, nor did Mrs Scott.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Ooh, spring rolls!
0:11:04 > 0:11:06Dad, move!
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Sorry, lads. Sorry.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Move.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Well, they say he's the best man,
0:11:12 > 0:11:14but he's driving like a pensioner in a snowstorm.
0:11:14 > 0:11:18And he's about to be lapped by the groom. The shame must be unbearable.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20My car's broke, it's not even moving.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Who needs go-karting, when you've got the real thing?
0:11:23 > 0:11:26I haven't played this for years, and you're still shit at it.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Fetch.
0:11:28 > 0:11:31Play nice, you two, or it's going back in the attic.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35I remember one time I caught her using my sunbed to defrost poultry.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38Left the whole salon stinking like a Chicken Cottage.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Spring roll?- For God's sake woman, you're obsessed.
0:11:41 > 0:11:44I've said sorry, Tony's said sorry, what more do you want?
0:11:44 > 0:11:49I want to know my bin's not full of your husband's rotten garbage.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52- Get up!- Two giant men are now wrestling near the track,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54it's all gone a bit Godzilla very quickly.
0:11:55 > 0:11:59- The groom, he takes it. - Yes, come on!
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Right, I want a rematch and I want it now.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05And I want to be the white one.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06THEY LAUGH
0:12:08 > 0:12:10HAPPY BIRTHDAY PLAYS ON PIANO
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Everyone, play along.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14What's going on?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17If it's your birthday, this place gives you free cake,
0:12:17 > 0:12:20so you're not a hen, you're a birthday girl.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23It's all-you-can-eat, why do you need free cake?
0:12:23 > 0:12:24Who'd come here for their birthday?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33So, who's the birthday girl?
0:12:33 > 0:12:35That would be me.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48- Happy birthday. - I didn't even get you a card.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50THEY LAUGH
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Who needs Poland, eh?- Aye.
0:12:53 > 0:12:57There's not much chance of scoring with a fitty on the family settee.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01There's Kat, if you dare...
0:13:01 > 0:13:03She's OK, average.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06But, you know, these days I tend to go for the proper A-list lasses,
0:13:06 > 0:13:08you know?
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- Really?- Mm.- Hmm.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12Like who, pray tell?
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- Wouldn't you like to know?- Yes, I would, that's why I'm asking, go on.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- No.- Name one.- No. - Just one, go on.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20OK.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24I'm sorry again about your bins, I know how much this salon means to you.
0:13:24 > 0:13:29- I'm over it.- If you think Tony has a problem finding the right bin,
0:13:29 > 0:13:31imagine what it's like sleeping with him!
0:13:31 > 0:13:33THEY LAUGH
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- I'll give you clues.- OK. - Fittest bird we know.- Mm-hm.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Proper into me.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Mum's boss.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Bad enough trying to up-sell collagen lip fillers with him
0:13:44 > 0:13:47always hanging around the place, banging on about his clicky hip.
0:13:49 > 0:13:50- Anji?- Shut up!
0:13:52 > 0:13:55As if! You're like a four in bad lighting, she's like a nine.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57She'd laugh you out the room.
0:13:57 > 0:14:01Well, we weren't laughing, Leo. No, no, no.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04We were too busy doing it.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Oh, come on, he's had a lot of trouble with that hip.
0:14:07 > 0:14:13Aye. Not enough to lay off the kebabs and the chips and the burgers...
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I think somebody's had enough to drink.
0:14:16 > 0:14:18It's a hen, getting pissed is the whole point.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Waiter!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Look what you've done now.
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Sticky ribs. Ooh, just a bit there.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29- And a bit there.- I'm OK. I'm OK, Mum.- You're covered!
0:14:29 > 0:14:34Hey, no-one douses my sister in sweet and sour sauce, not at her own hen do.
0:14:34 > 0:14:35No, Jackie, no!
0:14:35 > 0:14:37SHE SCREAMS
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Do you think this is funny?
0:14:40 > 0:14:43You cheeky cow, you want a food fight? I'll give you a food fight!
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Death or glory!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49THEY SCREAM
0:14:55 > 0:14:56ALL: Na zdrowie!
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Oh!
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Oh, God.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03You see, the thing is, Leo,
0:15:03 > 0:15:06- what women want... - Now, I can't wait to hear this.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Come on.- Well, what they want... What a woman wants...
0:15:09 > 0:15:12Just nod, smile, and say yes and you'll be grand.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Well, how about we ask one? Kat?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17No. I'm staying out of this.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21What women want is a man who knows what he wants, and how to get it.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Ah! So I take it the date went well, then?
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Well, we snogged on the doorstep.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28She asked me how I want my bacon done in the morning.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Ho-ho!- So, you tell me! - Yes, man-man.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Well, he's not the only one who knows how to please the ladies.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- Up top.- I've got it!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39I've got it. What a woman wants is simply...
0:15:39 > 0:15:41You know what, mate? You're OK.
0:15:41 > 0:15:44The way I see it, I've got a lifetime with Judy to figure it out.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46- ALL:- Ugh!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Isn't he precious?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Right! Let's head out.
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- To town!- Or we could just stay here!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56- ALL:- Yeah! - Right, more vodka shots.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- ALL:- Yeah!- Na zdrowie!
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I said, the sign says all you can eat, not all you can throw!
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Now out!- Nice work, Pam!
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Me? It was you who started it!
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Yeah, and it's me that'll finish it. And it's my hen night,
0:16:11 > 0:16:14and we're all going to get along. All right?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Friends?
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Friends.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Get out! - Oh, I never got my banana fritter.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27(Sorry.)
0:16:29 > 0:16:33Mate. Mate, look. I just want to say, mate...
0:16:34 > 0:16:36..great stag, mate. Great stag.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39And we didn't even get out the front door!
0:16:40 > 0:16:43When you get to my age, there is no-one in town that can beat the couch,
0:16:43 > 0:16:47the telly and a toilet without a queue.
0:16:47 > 0:16:48Na zdrowie!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Hey, you want to watch that one, mate.- Mm.
0:16:52 > 0:16:57- Tell us about it!- She's looking at you like she's the dog and you're the ball.
0:16:57 > 0:16:58What?
0:16:58 > 0:17:00No, she's just a mate!
0:17:00 > 0:17:05Mate! Mate? Eh, mates don't hug and kiss each other.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- There you are, big fella. - Cheers, Kath.- Come on, stag.
0:17:12 > 0:17:13Your turn.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- You're drinking.- No, I don't want to.- Come on. Have it. Yes.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Wimp.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35I beat the master. Watch me, watch me.
0:17:35 > 0:17:38- So we've done the beer festival. - And the A-Z of Polish beers.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42- We've done the go-karting. Thank God - I didn't let your mum throw it out, eh?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45But we haven't done the strippers.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Oh, OK.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52- What?- Come on, then.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- Strip. - ALL:- Get it off!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04- Get it off! - ALL CHANTING: Get it off!
0:18:06 > 0:18:11OK! But if I'm doing this, I'm doing it properly.
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Lights! Music!
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- Got it.- Is anyone here under the age of 18?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18- Me!- Sing for me, girls.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Woo, yes!
0:18:26 > 0:18:27THEY LAUGH
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Come here, poppadom.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Get off me, man.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- And now, for the main event.- Yes!
0:18:35 > 0:18:39Who knows what's Polish for tiny?
0:18:39 > 0:18:40THEY CHEER
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Mum, this is a private show.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Put it away, man, James! It's not big and it's not clever.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- Hiya, Peggy.- Hiya, love.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56Why aren't you lot out doing something that I wouldn't approve of?
0:18:56 > 0:19:00Change of plan. Why have you got rice in your bra?
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- It was a hen night, Tony. It got a bit messy.- Come here, rat man!
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- Why is Kat here?- Oh, she came to the stag last minute.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- That's OK, right? - Yeah, sure, why not?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13- Where did all this lot come from? - Poland!
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- ALL:- Na zdrowie!
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Why don't I run us something up in the kitchen?
0:19:19 > 0:19:24- If you don't mind, Peggy.- Oh, I've been dying to get my hands on that shiny new cooker of yours.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27- Right, more vodka shots. - ALL:- Yes!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29- Na zdrowie!- Na zdrowie!
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- Punch a horse?- Yeah.- And you ticked it?- The horse was asking for it!
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Oh, Worcester sauce!
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- No way.- Then they started throwing food at each other,
0:19:46 > 0:19:48so I hid under the table.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51They had very nice carpet.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53It sounds class.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55That smells interesting!
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Oh, it's an old family recipe.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Take whatever's in the kitchen, throw it in the pot,
0:20:00 > 0:20:04turn up the heat and add vodka!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06SHE LAUGHS
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- You OK?- I'm just...
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- It doesn't matter. - I'm going to get you some water.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17I thought you wanted a repeat performance?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21This just feels a bit wrong.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26SHE RETCHES
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I think I'm going to be sick.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37- James and Anji?- He told us they slept together once already.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39I thought he was winding us up!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- Upstairs now, doing stuff?- Yeah.
0:20:41 > 0:20:46It looks like I'm not the only one in this family with a thing for older women!
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- Strippers?- No. Unless you count James.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54Drug use, fist fights?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Nope and nope.
0:20:56 > 0:20:57So, what did you do, then?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59We went to Poland!
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Who is Mrs Jones?
0:21:02 > 0:21:04- Hiya.- I need to have a word.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- A serious word.- Are you all right? - Yeah.
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Erm... Look, I think you're great girl and erm...
0:21:12 > 0:21:15a great boss and a great girl...
0:21:16 > 0:21:21- Are you coming on to me?- No! You're coming on to me, aren't you?
0:21:21 > 0:21:22- What are you up to?- Nothing!
0:21:22 > 0:21:24- You'll never guess what he thinks! - No, no, no!
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- He thinks I fancy him!- Oh, does he?
0:21:27 > 0:21:31I don't fancy her, I just didn't want her to get the wrong impression about me.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33And do you fancy him?
0:21:33 > 0:21:34SHE LAUGHS
0:21:34 > 0:21:38Leo, he's a lovely lad and he is a good laugh.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41But seriously?
0:21:41 > 0:21:43He's a mummy's boy.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45You're soft as muck.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49I prefer something a bit, you know, a bit rough.
0:21:49 > 0:21:50I can do rough!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52His pyjamas have cars on them.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Racing cars.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59So, sorry, flower. Nothing doing.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Which is lucky for me, because he is head over heels for you.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07- You're never going to let us forget this, are you?- Nah.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Mam!
0:22:08 > 0:22:12- Get out of me way!- How about a dance? You always like a dance.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16Leo, I need to change. I've got a bra full of egg foo yong.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Selfie! Yes, that's it.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21There we go. Whoa, come back.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25Tony, will you tell your son to let me go?
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- Move, I need the toilet. - No, no, you can't, because...
0:22:28 > 0:22:34Because...because...Judy had a bit of an incident up there, it is not pretty.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38Well, the food at the restaurant was very greasy and...
0:22:38 > 0:22:40- I'd give it a minute. - Who wants to eat?
0:22:40 > 0:22:44- Sorry!- I'm starving. It's nice, this.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46Cheers.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50- This tastes really...- Boozy?
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Oh, I was going to cook off the booze!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55And then I thought, if I cook off the booze,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59they won't be able to taste the booze, so I added more booze,
0:22:59 > 0:23:01just to be sure.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04- Mum?- Upstairs.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06- Shit.- What?
0:23:07 > 0:23:09James and Anji...
0:23:09 > 0:23:12- upstairs.- Sorry,
0:23:12 > 0:23:16when you said James and Anji upstairs, I thought you meant...
0:23:16 > 0:23:17I did.
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Only time you fancy us is when you're too drunk to stand up.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Even I can take a hint.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28- Sorry, pet.- It's fine.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30We can be friends.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Mates? Sort of mates.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Pen pals.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38I think your mum's going to notice we're not downstairs.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- Yeah, let's go.- No, I can do it. - OK.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Sorry about the wash basket.
0:23:43 > 0:23:47It's fine. What's a basket full of sick between this?
0:23:52 > 0:23:54What are you two doing in there?
0:23:57 > 0:24:01I know he's my son, and I love him, but what was Anji thinking of?
0:24:01 > 0:24:03The jammy bastard!
0:24:03 > 0:24:07- Not as jammy as me, like.- At least he died doing what he loved.
0:24:07 > 0:24:11And maybe Pam will see that they're two responsible adults and it's none of her business!
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- Hah!- Have you met Pam?
0:24:13 > 0:24:17If they don't come down soon, there'll be no sausage left!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27What? She's OK.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Jimmy's taking care of her. I'm so proud of him.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32- Proud?- Yes!
0:24:32 > 0:24:35My boy knew exactly what to do!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39Because Anji was ill. So I just made sure she had plenty of water
0:24:39 > 0:24:43and something to be sick in. To save mum's carpet.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46My guardian angel.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50Right, Anji. I'm going to lend you one of my coats,
0:24:50 > 0:24:52and then I'm going to ring you a cab.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- How on earth..? - I took care of business. Chill.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59- Nothing happened!- Thank God!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01- If your mam...- Here you are.
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- I think it's for the best. - Be careful not to vomit on it!
0:25:05 > 0:25:08You should never try and repeat a one-night stand.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Does anyone fancy a cup of tea?
0:25:14 > 0:25:15You what, Peggy?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Nothing happened!
0:25:20 > 0:25:25# Meet me on the corner When the lights are coming on
0:25:25 > 0:25:28# And I'll be there I promise I'll be there
0:25:30 > 0:25:35# Down the empty streets We'll disappear into the dawn
0:25:35 > 0:25:40# If you have dreams enough to share. #