0:00:04 > 0:00:08Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham. The capital of British Pakistan.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14HE SPEAKS URDU
0:00:19 > 0:00:21They all know me. Like my suit.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Number one, Citizen Khan.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33I thought Dad was going to turn the heating on for a couple of hours?
0:00:33 > 0:00:35- He did.- When? - 1998.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Come on, get ready. We got to go to mosque.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Oh, what? Why do we have to come?
0:00:42 > 0:00:45To pray, of course. And I want you to meet the new
0:00:45 > 0:00:49President of The Sparkhill Pakistani Business Association, Mr Javed.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I want him to see what a nice, normal Muslim family we are.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56You see, your mother's all ready to go.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59No, I'm not. I'm freezing. Why is it so cold in here?
0:00:59 > 0:01:02- Cold? It's not cold. - You're wearing your long johns.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- How do you know? - I can see them.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08Please, Dad, turn the heating on.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09I'm not cold, Papaji.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14I love this girl. I tell you, proper Muslim daughter.
0:01:14 > 0:01:19Wearing hijab not only preserves her modesty, keeps her bloody ears warm!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21Just turn it on.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24No! I pay the bills and I say it stays off.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Fine, then I'll do it myself!
0:01:26 > 0:01:31Very well, I'll allow it just this once.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Since it is special day.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35- Why is it special? - Today is wedding anniversary.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I forgot it's your anniversary!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Congratulations, sir! How long have you been married?
0:01:40 > 0:01:4224 years.
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Wow!
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Yes. Silver one next year.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Right. How long is that?
0:01:50 > 0:01:5225 years.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55Amazing. That is ages.
0:01:55 > 0:01:59It's a real achievement, not many people could survive 25 years.
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- Thank you, Shazia. - I was talking about Mum.
0:02:04 > 0:02:08You should take her away, somewhere romantic, like The Caribbean,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- or The Maldives... - ..or Pakistan.
0:02:10 > 0:02:16Did you know Pakistan is now the 112th most popular tourist destination in Asia?
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Good, huh?!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20What about tonight? Are you doing anything?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- Yes.- Course he's not. - I just said, "yes."
0:02:23 > 0:02:25He never does. Do you remember that...
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Hello! Is nobody listening? Have I got invisible voice?
0:02:31 > 0:02:35I said I got something planned, OK? Very special evening.
0:02:35 > 0:02:36Just don't spoil the surprise.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40I can't do this, someone give me a hand.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- I'll do it.- I'll ask your mother.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Sweetie, can you help me?
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Oh, no, what a shame.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- What is?- From the Guptas. They can't come to Shazia's wedding.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59- Oh, well. - They don't even give a reason.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Indians, you see, no manners.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Now, come on, we'll be late for mosque.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06But now there'll be an empty table.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09Good, less people sponging off me.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12This wedding's already costing me a fortune.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14But we've already agreed the numbers with the caterers.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16We'll have to invite someone else.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Oh, if we're inviting extra people,
0:03:18 > 0:03:20I'd like some more of my friends to come.
0:03:20 > 0:03:21No, no, no!
0:03:21 > 0:03:24We can't go on feeding every Tom, Dick and Mohammed.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Who do you think I am? Sir Bob bleeding Geldof!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Matt and Debbie from work would love to come.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35No, no, no bloody way.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37This is Pakistani wedding,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Matt and Debbie don't sound very Pakistani to me!
0:03:40 > 0:03:44Please don't tell me you're refusing to have white people at our wedding!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48Bob Geldof only feeds brown people. Everybody knows that!
0:03:49 > 0:03:51No, if we have to have someone,
0:03:51 > 0:03:53we'll invite Mr Javed and his family.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55But I don't even know him!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58We don't want to make our Nikah in front of complete strangers.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01This wedding's not all about you, you know.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04Mr Javed is a very important man.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07You can't use my wedding to suck up to your business mates.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10Why not? Might as well get something good out of it.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- I know. We'll invite the Parvezes. - Who?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16Sameena Parvez? One of my oldest friends?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Used to live next door to us before they moved to Woking?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Had a little boy, Imran, used to play with Shazia...
0:04:22 > 0:04:24The one with the funny eye?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27That's him. You can send the invitation today.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30But sweetie, I want to invite Mr Javed.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32I have to have Sameena at the wedding.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33We were like sisters.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- You don't like your sister. - Cousins, then.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40No, look, I'm the man of the house, I'm paying for this wedding.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41I should get to invite who I want.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Here, you'll need to buy a stamp.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46No, I won't. I'll send it from the mosque.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Chalo.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Come on, old disabled lady.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23See, every time I go into this, it just freezes.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, yeah.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Have you tried to turn it off and on again?
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Asalaam Alaikum, Mr Khan.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Waleikum Asalaam, boys.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- Asalaam Alaikum.- Hello, Dave.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Come for prayers?
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Yes, of course, but I'm also here to see the new president of the SPBA,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Mr Javed - I want to make a good impression.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Do you know anything about him?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Like what?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Does he like cricket? What's his star sign?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Does he have a serious medical condition?
0:05:53 > 0:05:55These are things to know to have a business edge.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Dunno.- Dave?
0:05:57 > 0:05:59I'm a bit busy at the moment, Mr Khan...
0:05:59 > 0:06:02- What's the problem? - The computer's not working.
0:06:02 > 0:06:04Oooh, calm down Dave.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08This is the problem with you, gingers, very little patience.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11It's this new spreadsheet programme.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14I thought I might streamline the mosque's booking system,
0:06:14 > 0:06:15but it keeps crashing.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Maybe it has a virus.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Like my uncle. He caught it from a goat.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Not like that, they were just good friends.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Right, come on, get out of the way, let me take a look.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Right.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34So, every time I open up the spreadsheet thingy,
0:06:34 > 0:06:38it starts out OK and then the whole lot just seems to freeze
0:06:38 > 0:06:40and nothing seems to...
0:06:40 > 0:06:42work. And...
0:06:43 > 0:06:45What are you doing?
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Googling Mr Javed.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I don't see how that's going to solve the problem.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I didn't say I could solve the problem.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55You know this computer should really only
0:06:55 > 0:06:56be used for mosque business, Mr Khan.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Well, I go to the mosque, and this is my business.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Good one. - That's not what I meant.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- And I need you to post this for me too.- What is it?
0:07:05 > 0:07:06Wedding invitation.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09Mrs Khan has suddenly remembered another "best friend."
0:07:10 > 0:07:13- The Parvez family?- Yes, they used to live next door to us.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Had the boy with the funny eye?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- That's it. - There's no stamp on it.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- So?- Again, it's not really mosque business, is it, Mr Khan?
0:07:21 > 0:07:23You know, Dave, all this penny pinching,
0:07:23 > 0:07:26it's a very unattractive trait.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Mr Javed! Oh, Mr Javed.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- Asalaam Alaikum. - Waleikum Asalaam.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33Waleikum Asalaam.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34I'm not interrupting, am I?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Not at all. I'm all yours!
0:07:36 > 0:07:41Actually, it's Dave I wanted to speak to.
0:07:41 > 0:07:42Got some post. SPBA business.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- Of course, Mr Javed. - No stamps, I'm afraid.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Not a problem.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50- Mr Javed, sir.- Yes?
0:07:50 > 0:07:53I wanted to invite you to my daughter's wedding.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Erm...
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Yes, you and the family.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I've got an invitation right here.
0:07:58 > 0:08:01I was going to put it in the post, but now that you're here...
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Erm, thank you. We'd be delighted.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Really? Brilliant!
0:08:06 > 0:08:07THEY SPEAK IN URDU
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Let me get the door.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12Goodbye. What a man.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15I thought that invitation was for the man
0:08:15 > 0:08:16with the cross eyed children.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Mr Javed is a very important man.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23It'll be a great honour to have him at my daughter's wedding.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Do you think Mrs Khan will see it that way?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Of course. But don't tell her.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Why not?
0:08:29 > 0:08:34Dave, what you have to understand is that in Pakistani marriage,
0:08:34 > 0:08:35husband is in charge.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38He's the boss and he can do whatever he wants.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41But sometimes it's best not to tell the wife what he has done
0:08:41 > 0:08:44because she would never understand and only worry and fuss
0:08:44 > 0:08:47and make him sleep on the downstairs sofa.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58This is prayers, show some respect.
0:09:04 > 0:09:05If you think about it,
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- anybody could just come in and take them, couldn't they?- I suppose.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11So I thought, if I keep hold of one, then that's not going to happen!
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- Amjad...- Nobody's going to steal one, are they?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16They're going to want both - you can't really use one on its own.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- Amjad.- Yes, sir?
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Give it to me.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Lucky I put my name in them!
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Everyone will know they're mine.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Unless there's somebody else called Amjad.
0:09:30 > 0:09:31Oh, no!
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Did you post the Parvezes' invitation?
0:09:33 > 0:09:36You know, I've never realised just how big this place is...
0:09:36 > 0:09:37Hello? The invitation?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Still shouldn't be surprised -
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Do you know Tesco now serves halal meat?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46"Every little helps!" Hey na'?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Did you post it or didn't you?
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I said I'd post it and I posted it. OK, done, enough.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Oh, my God.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58OH, MY GOD.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01She's just getting ready for prayers, limbering up!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Very religious woman!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05I don't believe it. How could you do this?
0:10:05 > 0:10:08My own husband lying to me and in the House of God of all places!
0:10:08 > 0:10:09The shame of it!
0:10:09 > 0:10:13What, it's only an invitation. We never see the Parvezes anyway...
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I asked you to do one thing....
0:10:15 > 0:10:18All right, all right, if you must know,
0:10:18 > 0:10:22there's a reason why I didn't send out the Parvez's invitation.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Reason? What reason?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27I wasn't going to tell you this, but you remember their son,
0:10:27 > 0:10:28Imran, was his name?
0:10:28 > 0:10:29With the funny eye, huh.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Well, he had a thing for Shazia.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Thing? Like naughtiness?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Not naughtiness. He liked her.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40So?
0:10:40 > 0:10:43So, what if he never got over her? Did you think of that?
0:10:43 > 0:10:46What if we invited them to the wedding and he caused a huge scene?
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Standing up in the middle of the ceremony,
0:10:48 > 0:10:51"Oh, Shazia, I still love you!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53"Don't marry Amjad, he's an idiot.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56"Come away with me, I can get my eye fixed,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58"it's amazing what they can do these days".
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- That would be awful. - Exactly.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Thank God you didn't post that invitation.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07You see? You think I don't know what I'm doing, but I do.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10Mrs Khan, head for thinking, feet for dancing.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12Move along now.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Mr Javed! Psst!
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Psst!
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Oi, Javed!
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Everything all right? - Never been better, Amjad!
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Did you get into trouble with Mrs Khan?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38I'm never in trouble with Mrs Khan.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY RINGTONE
0:11:42 > 0:11:47Hello, Mr Khan speaking! Hello, Mrs Khan!
0:11:49 > 0:11:52You saw me earlier darling,
0:11:52 > 0:11:54yes, but I'm just about to start praying.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57I know but...
0:11:57 > 0:12:00Yes, I know but...
0:12:00 > 0:12:02It's not my fault that Shazia
0:12:02 > 0:12:04did the naughtiness with Imran Parvez, is it?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09OK, sweetie, OK, OK, Bye. Goodbye.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Oh, my God, Shazia!
0:12:11 > 0:12:15Amjad! People are praying. Try not to make a scene.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26Oh, my God! Shazia! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Oh, my God!
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Careful Amjad, it's a mosque, he can hear you.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32How could she do this to me? How?!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36Amjad, you're over-reacting, it's no big deal.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39But Imran Parvez! I told him everything.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41How much I liked Shazia,
0:12:41 > 0:12:44how I wished she would notice me and all the time they were...
0:12:44 > 0:12:46doing it!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Don't torture yourself. Trust me, there's really no need.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51And he's got a funny eye!
0:12:52 > 0:12:54All right, he's got a terrible squint.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57He probably just winked at her a few times by accident.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02These things happen all the time to squinty peoples.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05That's it then, it's all over.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06What's all over?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09We can't get married now, can we?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10What? Of course you can.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12But Shazia's got somebody else.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15- She hasn't got somebody else. - But what about..?
0:13:15 > 0:13:19He's not her boyfriend, you need to just forget about Imran Parvez.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20IMRAN PARVEZ!
0:13:20 > 0:13:24Tell me honestly. Did anything happen between them?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Of course not.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29You would say that, you're her dad. I'm going to see Shazia!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Tell her we're finished.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Amjad, that's not a good idea. You're too upset.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35I'll phone her then.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37Amjad, you need to calm down first.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39She won't want to speak to you when you're like this.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49Amjad!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Oh, God.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Hey, hey, what's going on in here?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57People are trying to pray out there, you know.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Do you mind? This is private.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02It is MY office.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06Dave, we are Muslims. This is a mosque.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09It's not about "my this" or "my that," it's open to everyone.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Now get out.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- Shazia's cheated on me! - What?!
0:14:15 > 0:14:18He thinks that Shazia had a thing with another boy...
0:14:18 > 0:14:20Ah. Oh.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I keep telling him it's not true about Imran Parvez.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24IMRAN PARVEZ!
0:14:24 > 0:14:27OK. What you have to remember,
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Amjad, is that these days, this sort of thing is not uncommon.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Lots of young people experiment a bit before they get married.
0:14:35 > 0:14:36But it's forbidden.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Yeah, sure, technically it's forbidden.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41But doing things that some deem inappropriate
0:14:41 > 0:14:43doesn't make you a bad person.
0:14:43 > 0:14:48Certainly before I found the faith, I had a few "liaisons" myself!
0:14:48 > 0:14:51I find that hard to believe.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54And I'm sure Mr Khan did too.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55What? How dare you!
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Mind you, there was that time at my Uncle's wedding
0:14:59 > 0:15:02with the girl that was handing out samosas.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04The Rawalpindi Express, we used to call her.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10You see. We've all done it.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12I haven't.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15And neither has Imran Parvez.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17IMRAN PARVEZ!
0:15:17 > 0:15:21I'm going to kill myself! And then him!
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Let's not do anything hasty.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Mr Javed!
0:15:24 > 0:15:26My life is over!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28All right, Amjad? How about a nice cup of tea?
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Well, it looks like you've got this all under control.
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Just don't mention Imran Parvez.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37IMRAN PARVEZ!
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Mr Javed.
0:15:49 > 0:15:54Mr Javed was very flattered to be invited to Shazia's wedding.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57You see, Beti, this is the secret of business relationships,
0:15:57 > 0:15:59being relaxed in each other's company.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Is that why you've taken out your safety pin?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Where's Shazia?- Upstairs, why?
0:16:06 > 0:16:07Everyone's talking about her
0:16:07 > 0:16:09and Imran Parvez, it's all over Sparkhill!
0:16:09 > 0:16:11What are you talking about?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14Mrs Ramiz told Mrs Shafiq, who told Mrs Jalil -
0:16:14 > 0:16:15apparently it came out of the mosque.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19You know, I've got a very special evening planned for you later.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20I'm sure you're going to like it.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Maybe there's more to this Imran Parvez business then we thought.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25There's no smoke without fire.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27Rubbish. It's just a schoolboy crush.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- He used to help her with her homework. - You see, perfectly innocent.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33- Up in her room.- Yes.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36English, Maths... Biology.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39- Oh, my God. You don't think... - What?
0:16:39 > 0:16:41You know we were down here and they were up there,
0:16:41 > 0:16:42and we thought they were...
0:16:42 > 0:16:44when all the time they were actually...
0:16:44 > 0:16:48What? Of course, that's why they had to move away so suddenly.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Sameena said it was because of Rafiq's work,
0:16:50 > 0:16:51but I knew there was more to it.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Hold on a minute...
0:16:52 > 0:16:55But now I think about it, he did have a strange look about him.
0:16:55 > 0:16:57You know that funny eye...
0:16:57 > 0:17:00Let's not get carried away. You're as bad as Amjad.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02- Amjad knows?- Yes.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- How?- Um...
0:17:06 > 0:17:08DOORBELL Alia, see who it is.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I don't want to miss anything. Fine.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13How did Amjad take it?
0:17:13 > 0:17:14Very well.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16But what if he tells Mrs Malik?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18She'll call off the wedding like that!
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Chillax, sweetie! He's not going to tell Mrs Malik.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24I've dealt with it, it's all under control.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26- Who was that?- It's Mrs Malik.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- No! Did you let her in? - You just said see who it is.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Go out and stall her!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- But I can't.- Why not?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Coz I've lost my safety pin!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Mrs Malik, what a lovely surprise!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Mr Khan, I must speak with you and Mrs Khan
0:17:45 > 0:17:47as a matter of some urgency!
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Well, that could be a bit tricky, you see,
0:17:49 > 0:17:50we're just about to have dinner.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52I'd ask you to join us, but I don't think there's enough.
0:17:52 > 0:17:57Especially for someone with your healthy appetite, eh?
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Mr Khan...
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Goodbye Mrs Malik.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02You're shutting the door on my foot.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Well, you'd better get it out of the way, then! Hey.
0:18:04 > 0:18:08I need to talk about Amjad and Shazia...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Well, why don't you come into the living room.
0:18:11 > 0:18:16I have to tell you that I've heard some things about Shazia
0:18:16 > 0:18:18that have disturbed me greatly.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Have you seen this article in the Herald?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Interesting piece on drop kerbs and off-street parking on the Ivor Road.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Mr Khan! - I'm listening.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30These rumours are most alarming and now Amjad has gone missing.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- He's not missing. - You know where he is?- No.
0:18:32 > 0:18:37He hasn't replied to my calls, and Amjad always replies to my calls.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39I'm worried that he might have done something stupid.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44If he's heard what people are saying about Shazia!
0:18:44 > 0:18:45Oh, right.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Well? What have you got to say?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51I'll just get Mrs Khan.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Well?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59- She wants to talk to you.- That's it! She wants to call off the wedding.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Maybe she just wants to borrow some chapatti flour?
0:19:01 > 0:19:04Do you know what it means to have a daughter who has been with
0:19:04 > 0:19:06other boys before she's married?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09She'll be ruined! She'll be shunned!
0:19:09 > 0:19:13We'll all be finished here, finished, over, dead and buried!
0:19:13 > 0:19:14We got other daughter.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18What's going on?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Nothing, Beti, I'm just full of happiness
0:19:20 > 0:19:23because it's our anniversary.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Oh, my God, don't let her suffer.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Please, God, don't let her suffer!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Good job it's only once a year.
0:19:30 > 0:19:35- What are you talking about? Someone tell me what's going on? - We know about you and Imran Parvez!
0:19:35 > 0:19:37What?
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Your mother thinks that you and Imran Parvez, you know...
0:19:40 > 0:19:42No, I don't know.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44You know. The thing.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46What thing?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48The thing! The thing!
0:19:48 > 0:19:49You mean sex?
0:19:49 > 0:19:50Shhh!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55You think that me and Imran Parvez...?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Sis, that is rank.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Hey, did his eye follow you round the room?
0:20:00 > 0:20:02DOORBELL
0:20:02 > 0:20:03Oh, now what?!
0:20:05 > 0:20:07All right, all right! Keep your bloody hair on.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13- Mr Javed.- Mr Khan.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16Can I come in?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Of course.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I wanted to thank you and Mrs Khan personally
0:20:24 > 0:20:27for the invitation to your daughter's wedding.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29There's really no need.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Is Mrs Khan here?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Why don't we go into the living room?
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Ah, actually, why don't we go into the dining room?
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Have you seen this carpet?
0:20:39 > 0:20:41It comes with a very thick underlay.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47DOORBELL
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Oh! Now what?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53- Hello, Dave.- Hello, sir.
0:20:53 > 0:20:54Amjad.
0:20:54 > 0:20:55I decided not to kill myself.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Oh, good.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I persuaded Amjad that violence is no solution.
0:21:00 > 0:21:03The way to settle any dispute is to engage in a dialogue.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Jaw, jaw, not war, war.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08You know, you're wasted in Sparkhill, Dave.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10You should work at the bloody UN.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Which is why I decided to bring the two sides together.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22This is Imran Parvez's Uncle.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23I thought it might be.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26- Asalaam Alaikum.- Waleikum Asalaam.
0:21:26 > 0:21:30The Parvez's are a little bit upset about the suggestion
0:21:30 > 0:21:32that their son and your daughter,
0:21:32 > 0:21:35you know? However, I have managed to persuade them
0:21:35 > 0:21:37that's it better to get everything out in the open.
0:21:37 > 0:21:41You gingers think of everything, don't you?
0:21:45 > 0:21:46And what are you doing here?
0:21:46 > 0:21:47We just want to watch.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I've got the Sparkhill Women's Day Group coffee morning
0:21:52 > 0:21:54next Tuesday. How am I supposed to...
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Maybe if you spent more time listening to your daughter instead of your mates...
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Who was that?
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Just Dave, Amjad and Imran Parvez's uncle.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Oh, my God.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Why is this happening to me?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Because you and Imran-wonky-eye were up in your room
0:22:09 > 0:22:12doing biology practicals.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14But we weren't. I keep telling you.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16That's not what we've heard.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18From who?! Where's all this come from?
0:22:18 > 0:22:21What kind of an idiot would start a rumour like that?
0:22:23 > 0:22:26A very nice idiot, who loves you very much?
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Dad!
0:22:28 > 0:22:31But it's OK, Beti, I didn't believe it for a moment.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Because you made it all up.
0:22:33 > 0:22:34Oh, yes.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38You made it up!
0:22:38 > 0:22:39- Haan.- Why?
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Well, I was going to invite the Parvez's, like you wanted,
0:22:44 > 0:22:48but then I bumped into Mr Javed, you see, and...
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Are you telling me that you invented
0:22:49 > 0:22:52an imaginary love affair for your own daughter
0:22:52 > 0:22:54just so you could invite some business contact,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56who we don't even know, to her wedding?
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Let's not get bogged down with who said what to who.
0:23:02 > 0:23:05The good news is, I was lying.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Yes, and now you're going to tell the truth.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15You are going to go in there and tell everyone what you've done,
0:23:15 > 0:23:18and clear Shazia's name and then I'll be able to show my face
0:23:18 > 0:23:21at the Sparkhill Womens' Day Group Coffee Morning next Tuesday.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- But...- Go. OK.
0:23:23 > 0:23:26Oh what, so I didn't snog Imran Parvez
0:23:26 > 0:23:29so now there's no scandal, and everything's OK again?
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Is that it?- Erm... - Yes!- Yes!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35What if I did go out with Imran Parvez?
0:23:35 > 0:23:38What if I went out with Imran Parvez and then I moved on to his brothers?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Oh right, because of his funny eye?
0:23:40 > 0:23:42What if I went out with half of Sparkhill?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Would that matter to you?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Which half are we talking about?
0:23:46 > 0:23:49That's not the point! Don't you see?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52My body is my own, it doesn't belong to anyone else,
0:23:52 > 0:23:54I can do what I want with it.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It shouldn't matter to Amjad what I've done in the past,
0:23:57 > 0:23:59and it shouldn't matter to you either.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01She's right.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Is she?
0:24:04 > 0:24:09Of course, we're her parents, we should support her, no matter what.
0:24:09 > 0:24:10I'm so sorry, Beti!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I don't deserve to have such a wonderful daughter.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Aw, Mum.
0:24:15 > 0:24:18You're so smart, and pretty, and kind, and I'm a silly old woman,
0:24:18 > 0:24:20and a terrible mother and...
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Mum, you're not a terrible mother.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Don't interrupt her, sweetie.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Where's Mr Javed?
0:24:32 > 0:24:33He had to go to his SPBA meeting.
0:24:33 > 0:24:36Mrs Khan, I think we need to talk.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38I think we do.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Shazia!
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Be quiet, Amjad. Leave this to me.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45Hey, maybe we should just let the kids sort this out for themselves?
0:24:45 > 0:24:47- Or not.- Please, Mrs Malik...
0:24:47 > 0:24:49It's all right, Shazia, I'll deal with this.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Mrs Malik, I don't care what went on between Shazia and Imran Parvez.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56- So, you admit it?- No!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Please, Beti.
0:24:58 > 0:25:01In fact, I don't care if she's been with half of Birmingham...
0:25:03 > 0:25:07- Dad, that's not what...- Don't worry, darling, I know what I'm doing.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10So, my daughter has had other relationships. You know what?
0:25:10 > 0:25:12That's absolutely fine with me.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14Now he tells us.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16What you have to remember, Mrs Malik,
0:25:16 > 0:25:20is that this is the modern world, 21st century.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Women are as independent as men.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24I believe women should make their own decisions.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27They are in charge of their own lives
0:25:27 > 0:25:30and they can do whatever they want.
0:25:30 > 0:25:35I see. Then I say, this wedding will never take place.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38OK. But what does Mr Malik say about it?
0:25:40 > 0:25:42We're leaving. Come on, Amjad.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46No! I don't care what she's done!
0:25:46 > 0:25:47I still love you, Shazia!
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Amjad!
0:25:49 > 0:25:51I don't care how many men she's been with!
0:25:51 > 0:25:53As long as it's not more than ten!
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Amjad!- OK, Five then!
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Oh, budoo!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Oh, ladoo!
0:26:01 > 0:26:03So, are there any other boys?
0:26:03 > 0:26:04Of course not.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07I said this family would be trouble from the start,
0:26:07 > 0:26:09but nobody ever listens to me.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11Mum, shut up!
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Tu menu shut up, kehna.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19I don't think conflict's going to resolve anything!
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Are there any nibbles?
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Fish and Chips?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Anniversary supper.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36Oh.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Remember? Like we had on our first wedding anniversary.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Of course. From Bert and Tina's downstairs.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47You went back there.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Their daughter runs it now.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Oh...
0:26:51 > 0:26:53And look...
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Pickled eggs! Your favourite.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08You know, when we were young we used to dream about growing old together.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10And now you are old...
0:27:13 > 0:27:16..so your dreams have come true.
0:27:17 > 0:27:19Happy anniversary.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd