0:00:03 > 0:00:05Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham -
0:00:05 > 0:00:07the capital of British Pakistan.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15They all know me.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Do you like my suit?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Number one - Citizen Khan.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26I don't see why WE have to look after him.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Oh, stop it, he won't be any trouble.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32He'll need feeding and we'll have to take him for walks in the park.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Ah, choo-cooey!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36And I hope he's not making a mess in my Mercedes!
0:00:36 > 0:00:39He won't be any trouble - will you, shweetu?
0:00:39 > 0:00:40No, Auntie.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43There, see!
0:00:43 > 0:00:46Why couldn't your cousins take him with them on holiday?
0:00:46 > 0:00:48I hope your parents are having a nice time.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50I was thinking of going away somewhere too.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51Good idea.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Oh, you mean together?
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Of course together! Maybe we could go cruising.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59- Cruising?- Why not?
0:00:59 > 0:01:03I'm not sure cruising is legal in Sparkhill any more, sweetie.
0:01:05 > 0:01:09Oh, twaddi. Where are we? This isn't the way back to Birmingham.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13What does the map say?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15I don't know. This map's no good.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Why? What's wrong with it?
0:01:16 > 0:01:18It's from 1974.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Everything's changed since then.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23No, it hasn't. Just a few more mosques, that's all.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26I'll just go and ask someone.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Salaam aleikum, excuse me!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33What?
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Hey. I hope you're wearing two pairs of socks.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39In case you get a hole in one. Ha-ha-ha!
0:01:39 > 0:01:40KHAN HAWKS
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Right. I wonder if you could help me.
0:01:42 > 0:01:45We're a bit lost, can you point us in the right direction?
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Where are you from?
0:01:46 > 0:01:50- Birmingham.- No. I mean, where are you REALLY from?
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Sparkhill.
0:01:52 > 0:01:57You need the A45. Birmingham's that way.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59That way? Are you sure? That way?
0:01:59 > 0:02:03OK. Thank you! Thank you! Hole in one, eh! HE HAWKS
0:02:07 > 0:02:08CAR DOOR SHUTS
0:02:08 > 0:02:09ENGINE STARTS
0:02:10 > 0:02:11HORN TOOTS
0:02:11 > 0:02:14What are you doing?
0:02:14 > 0:02:16You can't drive on a golf course, are you mad?
0:02:16 > 0:02:18Just enjoy the view, look at that!
0:02:18 > 0:02:20We'll be home any minute.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23There's so much land here, they could build a few apartments!
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Hi, Papaji! I'm just going out.
0:02:33 > 0:02:34Where are you going?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I've got my Islamic tutor today, remember?
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Vah! Such a good girl. Well, you can see him later.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44First, you're going to help me get my new business off the ground.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I've got a revolutionary idea that's going to transform the high street.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48What is it?
0:02:48 > 0:02:49A chicken shop!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53A new franchise has opened up.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I'm going to be a restaurant entrepreneur.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I'll be Birmingham's very own Marco Pierre Brown!
0:03:02 > 0:03:04You mean...I've got to do work?
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Work is fun, sweetie. The whole family's going to chip in.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10"Chip" in!
0:03:10 > 0:03:14You see, we're having fun already, aren't we?
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Yeah.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Right, let's check the staff rota...
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Now, you'll help behind the counter
0:03:21 > 0:03:23and Naani is going to be the waitress.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25A waitress?
0:03:25 > 0:03:26What's the problem?
0:03:26 > 0:03:29She's got bunions. She can't stand up all day.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30I've already thought of that.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34Look at this. A remote control wheelchair, you see?
0:03:38 > 0:03:42I've created the first ever robo-waitress!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Thank you.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Now, squash for Faraz.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Oh, not that way!
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Idiot!
0:03:53 > 0:03:58Obviously it's a prototype, there's bound to be a few teething troubles.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Argh!
0:04:04 > 0:04:05- Stop!- It's OK.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11- Uncle!- Ah, not the TV!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20It's OK, beti, I'll fix it later.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22You need to get ready.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Go and get changed into something more practical.
0:04:25 > 0:04:26Something more what?
0:04:26 > 0:04:30You know, some rough, old work clothes, like your mother wears.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Er, no, thanks.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36Has anyone seen my bag?
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Are you going out somewhere?
0:04:38 > 0:04:39I've got tango class today.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42That dress is very bright and very red.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Maybe try to avoid the Bull Ring.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Hello, sir.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Hello, Mrs Khan.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52Wow, Mum, you look fantastic.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Oh, thanks, beti!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Aren't you worried she'll run off with her dashing tango partner?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Mrs Siddiqi?
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Why does she have to dance with Mrs Siddiqi?
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- She can't dance with other men. - Because you get jealous?
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Because she's too short!
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Look, Shazia, it's women-only tango.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I'm not letting some argie-bargie, greasy, gaucho
0:05:13 > 0:05:15get his filthy hands on her!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You know, you can't have a healthy relationship if you're jealous, Dad.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Me and Amjad trust each other implicitly, don't we, budhoo?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26Implicitly means "a lot".
0:05:26 > 0:05:28Right, yes, we do, of course.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32All right, that's enough of that!
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Why don't you surprise her by doing something romantic?
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Me and Amjad surprise each other all the time.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40Take her to that French restaurant in town.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42French restaurant? No, thank you!
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- We've got plenty of French food at home.- Have you?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Yes, of course. Or, as we Muslims like to call it, ALLAH carte!
0:05:50 > 0:05:54You know, I was thinking, maybe instead of going on a cruise,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56we could cash in some of our pension money
0:05:56 > 0:05:59and go on a trip to Argentina!
0:05:59 > 0:06:01It's the home of the tango.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Sweetie, we don't need to go to Argentina for Tango,
0:06:03 > 0:06:06they've got loads of it down the cash and carry!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10You should try it, you might like it.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12And then that would be something we could do together.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16We already got something we do together.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I mean something exciting.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Come to one of our special showcases, you might like it.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25OK, fine, I'll come to the next one.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Really? You promise?
0:06:27 > 0:06:29- Haan.- Fantastic!
0:06:29 > 0:06:33- It's today.- What?! - At the community centre.
0:06:33 > 0:06:38I'll see you there later, I'm so excited! Thank you!
0:06:38 > 0:06:39Anything for you, my darling!
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Oh, twaddi!
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Well done, Dad. You and Mum will have a great time.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Yes, yes. But first I've got a little business to attend to.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51Remember to spray the air freshener.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53I always get told off for that.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Not that kind of business, Amjad.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I'm going to be running a chicken shop!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04Great! What will you be selling?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08Are you sure about this, Dad?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Have you thought about Mum at all?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Not yet. I want it to be a surprise.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15It'll be a surprise all right. I'm going to work.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- See you later, budhoo! - See you later, ladoo.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Right, let's get going.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I've got to meet some guy called Mr Williams.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34He's the boss of the chicken shop, the big cock-a-doodle-do.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Where are you getting the money for the franchise, sir?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39Have you got a lot of investors?
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Yes, two. Me and Mrs Khan.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45I've used our pension fund. HE HAWKS
0:07:51 > 0:07:54I'd like to welcome you to the Khan family business.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Now, remember, if I can make this work, I'll be hanging out with
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Sir Richard Branstons, nibbling his cheese and sipping on his Shloer.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04What if we can't make it work?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Then Mrs Khan is going to be doing the paso doble on my cha-cha-chas.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Right, let's get to work, eh?
0:08:10 > 0:08:14Now, Alia, you're behind the counter,
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Naani, you're waiting on the tables,
0:08:16 > 0:08:20and, Amjad, you're head of marketing and communications.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Wow! What does that mean?
0:08:22 > 0:08:24It means you have to go and pick up the T-shirts
0:08:24 > 0:08:27and fliers from the printers next door.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28OK.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Right, where's this Mr Williams chappie?
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Hi, there.
0:08:33 > 0:08:34Salaam aleikum.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Welcome to Chick 'N' Chips.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- You work here, do you?- Yes.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Excellent, another member of Team Khan.
0:08:41 > 0:08:42No, you don't understand...
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Why don't you run along and fetch me a cup of tea?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45I don't think so.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Mr Williams is going to be here in a minute, you don't want him
0:08:48 > 0:08:50to catch you slacking, do you?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51What?
0:08:51 > 0:08:54Mr Williams, the big cheese, the top man!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- You need to look lively!- It's me!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I know it's YOU, sweetheart,
0:08:58 > 0:09:00but I'm here to see the boss, Mr Williams.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02And don't forget the tea.
0:09:02 > 0:09:03I'm Mr Williams!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05What?
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I'm Mr Williams! Ms Williams!
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Sandra Williams.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- But you're a...- Woman?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12That's it.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14I'm Mr Khan, community leader.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17And all round woman-lover!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19What?
0:09:19 > 0:09:20I mean, I'm a big fan of working girls.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Women's business. Businesswomen!
0:09:25 > 0:09:26HE HAWKS
0:09:28 > 0:09:31Right, where shall we start?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Why don't you show us your equipment?
0:09:34 > 0:09:36The fryers!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40Right. Well, this is the main work area over here.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42I'm sure you'll be familiar with most of it already
0:09:42 > 0:09:45if you have experience working in the fast food industry?
0:09:45 > 0:09:49Of course, I spent six months working in a branch of KFC.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Oh, which one?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53The one in Pakistan. Karachi Fried Chicken.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56So you know how to fry?
0:09:56 > 0:10:01Oh, yes. We Muslims have got a special religious day for it.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03What's that called?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Fry-day prayers.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10These are the fryers.
0:10:10 > 0:10:13It's very important you always keep this full of oil.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14Do you know why?
0:10:14 > 0:10:16For good luck?
0:10:16 > 0:10:19No, otherwise it will explode.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23You keep the fryers full up via this control system.
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Everything is operated from this panel - the fryers,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30the cellar hatch, the lights.
0:10:30 > 0:10:31Do you think you'll be able to manage that?
0:10:31 > 0:10:35'Course, I'm very techno savvy! I've even got a robo-waitress.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Watch this.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41Oh, twaddi.
0:10:43 > 0:10:44ALARM RINGS
0:10:44 > 0:10:45Oh, God!
0:10:45 > 0:10:46Switch it off!
0:10:50 > 0:10:51Ah, there you are.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53They must be connected.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Mr Khan, I think we have to reassess your application.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00But I've got lots of brilliant ideas to get business booming!
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Like what?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Well, I've got a very clever name for the place.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05What are you going to call it?
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Mr Khan's Chicken Shop.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Can I hear any others?
0:11:10 > 0:11:12That's it so far.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Who's this?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17That's just my communications director.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Hello, sir. I got the T-shirts.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Good.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25Hi. I'm Sandra Williams. But...you can call me Sandy.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Hello, Mrs Sandy. My Name is Amjad.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30But you can call me...
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Amjad.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37Have they got you carrying these big, heavy boxes round
0:11:37 > 0:11:39all by yourself?
0:11:39 > 0:11:40They're not too heavy.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44There's a stock room round the back, I can show you if you like.
0:11:44 > 0:11:47Maybe you can show him the stock room later.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Yes, maybe later.
0:11:49 > 0:11:54On reflection, Mr Khan, I've decided to give you another chance.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Thank you, you won't regret it!
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Obviously, this will be a trial run today.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02You have until 5pm to get in some customers.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Don't worry, I'll fill it. Chicken FILLET!
0:12:06 > 0:12:07I see.
0:12:07 > 0:12:12Now, you heard the lady, Mr Khan's Chicken Shop is open for business!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Hey, Naani, are you ready for meals on wheels?
0:12:19 > 0:12:20Idiot!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24ECHOING: Just checking the potatoes.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Yep, they're all fine.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I need to do my homework, Uncle.
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Chup! Did you not hear what that woman said?
0:12:37 > 0:12:39We need to keep this place busy!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41By selling one-legged chickens?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Oh, twaddi.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Don't worry, Uncle. You've still got Amjad.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Sir. I don't feel right.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53Maybe he's got bird flu.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55What?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Or chickenpox?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00No, I've already had them. It's Mrs Sandy, sir.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02She just accosted me in the back room.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07Chillax, Amjad, she's just being friendly.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10This is how business works, all the schmoozing and the floozing.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I only want to schmooze with Shazia.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- See you later, gentlemen.- Righto.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Save a piece for me, my little chicken.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Oh, no.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Salaam aleikum, Mr Khan.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Waleikum assalam, Riaz. - What's going on?
0:13:28 > 0:13:30- Have a guess. - You're buying some chicken?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Try the whole shop.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Wow. You fatty!
0:13:34 > 0:13:37No. It's the start of my business empire.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39What about you? Just passing through?
0:13:39 > 0:13:43He's part of my crack promotions and marketing team.
0:13:43 > 0:13:44Where's the rest of them?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Why are you selling one-legged chickens?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Just try and find me some customers.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55OK, but it'll cost you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:56How much?
0:13:56 > 0:13:57A bucket of hot wings.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- Deal. Just get some chicken lovers. - OK.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Chicken, fried chicken. Yum-yum.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Chicken, fried chicken...
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Look at that, a shop full of hungry young lads.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14I told you it would work!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16Mrs Sandy will be pleased!
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Yes, she will!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Now, go and open up another till, speed up the service.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I tried that, they weren't interested.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24They'll get their chicken quicker!
0:14:24 > 0:14:25They're not after the chicken.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27What are they after?
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Alia's number.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29What!
0:14:31 > 0:14:32Oh, twaddi!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Out, out, out!
0:14:34 > 0:14:39Get out, you dirty, filthy rascal! And you. Get out!
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Get out of it!
0:14:41 > 0:14:45Papaji! I was just telling them what's on offer.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Come on, you're working in the back room now.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Go get some oil for the fryers. - But why?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Health and Safety - my health and your safety!
0:14:59 > 0:15:00DOORBELL CHIMES
0:15:01 > 0:15:03Ah, Riaz, just in time.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Good news, I got you some customers.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Brilliant.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08You see, Amjad. Who have you got coming?
0:15:08 > 0:15:10- The mosque committee.- What?
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Lucky they were passing by.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Everyone else I asked just told me to shove off.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Right. So, where are they?
0:15:16 > 0:15:18They'll be here any minute.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19They're coming back from a protest.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Another protest? That's the problem with our lot.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Always marching and moaning about something or another.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28What trumped up travesty happening a thousand bloomin' miles away
0:15:28 > 0:15:29are they whining about now?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32The closure of the Wildlife Centre in Kings Heath.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34It's a bird sanctuary.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Well, at least they'll be in the mood for chicken.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40Remember our deal? My free food?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- Oh, yes.- I'll have 25 free hot wings. That's FREE.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45No charge, on the house.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49I'll tell you what, you can have 24 free, and the last one is £5.99.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Fair enough.
0:15:52 > 0:15:53PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS
0:15:56 > 0:15:57Hello, Mr Khan speaking.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Oh, hello, sweetie.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02You haven't forgotten, have you? You will be here?
0:16:02 > 0:16:06Of course I haven't forgotten. Have I ever you let down?
0:16:07 > 0:16:08Apart from then.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11And then.
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Look, sweetie,
0:16:12 > 0:16:17that was a long time ago and I had no idea the sidecar wasn't attached.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Yes, of course I'm coming.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24You know how I love Fanta! Tango!
0:16:24 > 0:16:27OK, good, I'm so excited! I'll see you later!
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Don't be late!
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Yes, yes, yes.
0:16:32 > 0:16:33Yes?
0:16:33 > 0:16:34Hi, I'm looking for Alia?
0:16:34 > 0:16:36She's not here. Can I help you?
0:16:36 > 0:16:38It's OK, honestly, I need Alia.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39- Oh, you do, do you?- Yeah.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42And what exactly do you need her for?
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Oh, I'm here to give her a bit of one to one.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46One to what?!
0:16:46 > 0:16:50She's very keen, let me tell you. Best I've ever had.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52How dare you!
0:16:53 > 0:16:54What are you doing?
0:16:54 > 0:16:58Oh, I'm sorry, perhaps you prefer some ketchup?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02What are you doing to the tutor?
0:17:02 > 0:17:03What?
0:17:03 > 0:17:05This is brother Majid from the mosque.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08He's a scholar and an expert on Islamic culture.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10You're Alia's tutor?
0:17:10 > 0:17:11Yes!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Oh, twaddi!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15What happened to your trousers?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17I squirted mayonnaise on them.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18And ketchup!
0:17:18 > 0:17:19What a waste.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I don't think you're supposed to squirt any kind of sauce
0:17:22 > 0:17:23on Islamic scholars.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25The mosque committee won't be happy.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26What's it got to do with them?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28They're by the door.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Wait! They can't see him like this.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Hai!
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Salaam aleikum.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Riaz will be out any minute with some free chicken for you.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Oh, free chicken!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45I thought you'd like that!
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Aargh!
0:17:46 > 0:17:47What's that?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Oh, that was just the call to prayer.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51Arrgh, Allahu akbar!
0:17:51 > 0:17:55Now, come on, get down to the mosque, you don't want to miss the front row.
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Oh, God.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Papaji? Have you seen my tutor?
0:18:01 > 0:18:02No! Definitely not!
0:18:02 > 0:18:05You're supposed to be getting oil for the fryers.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07They're fine! He should be here by now.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09We had an appointment.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11Maybe he's "fallen through"?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15It's nearly five o'clock.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Sir! Mrs Sandy will be here soon.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Oh, twaddi, how much have we taken?
0:18:21 > 0:18:24Including the £2.50 you made me put in for my lunch?
0:18:24 > 0:18:25Haan.
0:18:25 > 0:18:26£2.50.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31I don't understand, why haven't we had more customers?
0:18:31 > 0:18:33We had the T-shirts and the flyers.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35The group of Muslims protesting outside?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36What?
0:18:37 > 0:18:38Oh, twaddi!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I don't think Sandra's going to be very impressed, Papaji.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50What's going on outside? Looks like some kind of protest.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54It's the mosque committee. Mr Khan arranged it.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55That's not entirely...
0:18:55 > 0:18:58I thought you were going to get this place full of customers?
0:18:58 > 0:18:59Yes, but...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01How much money have you taken?
0:19:01 > 0:19:02Two fifty.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06£250, is that all?
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Not exactly.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12He means £2.50.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15What! That's pathetic!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18You haven't even covered the cost of your staff!
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Ah, I thought of that, I'm not paying them!
0:19:20 > 0:19:21Eh?!
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Well, you can forget the franchise.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I knew this was a bad idea.
0:19:25 > 0:19:26No, wait!
0:19:26 > 0:19:28I'm going to check my stock room to make sure you haven't
0:19:28 > 0:19:32cleaned me out, and when I get back I want you out of here!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Oh, God. We're in trouble.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38What are we going to do, sir?
0:19:38 > 0:19:42We have to prove to Mrs Sandy that we're serious business contenders.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45We have to show her that we can turn this place around.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Right.
0:19:47 > 0:19:48HE IMITATES A CHICKEN
0:19:48 > 0:19:52They don't dance, they don't hop, it's Mr Khan's Chicken Shop!
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Mmm!
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Not the jingle, Amjad.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Oh, what then?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I don't know.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04I'm going to have to go in the back room and schmooze her.
0:20:04 > 0:20:05That's how business works.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Uh, Uncle, I don't think she likes you.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You're right, we'll need someone else.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11Who?
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Oh, no!
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Amjad, she likes you!
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Why?
0:20:19 > 0:20:20It beats me.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25But I've got our pension riding on it. Now, come on, don't be chicken.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29Get in there and show her that we're Team Khan and not Team Can't!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31I'll do it!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34KNOCK ON DOOR
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Yes?
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Hello.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Hello!
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Hello.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Hello!
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Was there something you wanted?
0:20:49 > 0:20:57- Um, Mr Khan said...that is,- I- was wondering, if you needed any help?
0:20:57 > 0:20:58What sort of help?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01Um... I could rearrange your condiments?
0:21:03 > 0:21:05I like the sound of that.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07Do you?
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Perhaps you could check out my assets as well.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12OK.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I might even let you massage my figures...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Or I could do a full inventory of your perishables
0:21:21 > 0:21:23and free up some shelf space.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28Right. I'm not sure that one really works, but never mind.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Right, you lot finish clearing up.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I'm off to see Mrs Khan do the Last Tango in Sparkhill.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47Alia's not helping, Uncle.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49I'm in charge of the fryers. Papaji said.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52That's right, Faraz. We've all got our jobs to do.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Just be grateful you haven't got Amjad's.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55Shazia!
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Hi. Shouldn't you be at Mum's show?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- I was just going.- Where's Amjad?
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Oh, he had to go out...
0:22:02 > 0:22:03to buy some...
0:22:03 > 0:22:04ketchup.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08You've got loads of ketchup.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10Oh, yes. Silly Amjad, eh?
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Now, you run along...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14- AMJAD:- Aa-ah!
0:22:14 > 0:22:15What was that?
0:22:15 > 0:22:17- What?- That noise.
0:22:17 > 0:22:18I didn't hear anything.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- AMJAD:- Aa-ah!
0:22:20 > 0:22:21There it was again.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Oh, that's just the fridges. Or the air conditioning.
0:22:24 > 0:22:25SHAZIA!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Or Amjad.
0:22:27 > 0:22:28Where is he?
0:22:28 > 0:22:31He's in that stock cupboard with another woman.
0:22:32 > 0:22:33What?!
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Ladoo!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42Do you mind? We're in the middle of a stock take.
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Oh, my God!
0:22:46 > 0:22:48I can't believe this.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Ladoo, wait! It's not what it looks like.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Really?
0:22:51 > 0:22:55Because it looks like you were canoodling with some floozy
0:22:55 > 0:22:57in a stock room whilst wearing a chicken suit.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00OK, it is what it looks like.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Oh, my God!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Who is this exactly?
0:23:04 > 0:23:07This is other daughter, Shazia. Alia's sister.
0:23:07 > 0:23:08And Amjad's wife.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11His wife!
0:23:11 > 0:23:13That's right. At least, I was.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- No! Ladoo! Please... - Get your wings off me.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Look, Shazia, Amjad was just schmoozing with the lady
0:23:21 > 0:23:23purely for professional reasons.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25What?
0:23:25 > 0:23:27I definitely thought there was something between us.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29No, that was my pickled gherkins.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Did you put him up to this?
0:23:34 > 0:23:35Maybe.
0:23:35 > 0:23:36HE HAWKS
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Ladoo, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43Oh, for goodness' sake, Amjad! Be a man!
0:23:43 > 0:23:45You can't live your whole life worrying about
0:23:45 > 0:23:47what your wife thinks!
0:23:48 > 0:23:52Oh, hello, sweetie. Everything OK?
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Where were you? You promised me you'd come.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57You promised!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Yes...but I can explain.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Don't bother. I've heard it all before.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Trust me, you haven't heard this one before.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Go on, then.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08I was trying to win a franchise for a chicken shop?
0:24:08 > 0:24:09He made me wait on tables.
0:24:09 > 0:24:11What?
0:24:11 > 0:24:14And he used Amjad as some kind of kinky chicken escort service.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Unbelievable!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Please, my darling....
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Don't say another word.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25We're all going to leave here now, we're all going home.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27I'm not, I'm going to wait for my tutor outside.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Why?- Cos he's fit!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34So...what do you think? Do I still get the franchise?
0:24:36 > 0:24:37Out, out of my shop!
0:24:40 > 0:24:41I can explain.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43You set me up with your son-in-law!
0:24:43 > 0:24:44That was an accident.
0:24:44 > 0:24:47- That you set me up? - No, that he married my daughter.
0:24:47 > 0:24:50And you organised a protest in front of the shop!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52It's OK, they're not protesting!
0:24:52 > 0:24:55We like it. Free halal chicken.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Oh, no, it's not halal.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58What?
0:25:00 > 0:25:01Now they're protesting.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05Is there anything else you'd like to confess?
0:25:06 > 0:25:09He fell down the cellar of his own accord!
0:25:09 > 0:25:11What have you done, Papaji?
0:25:11 > 0:25:13ALARM RINGS AND BEEPS
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Look, Sandra, I'm sorry about all this. How about a second chance?
0:25:19 > 0:25:20EXPLOSION
0:25:26 > 0:25:29OK. Maybe not.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Here we are.
0:25:42 > 0:25:47So, Shazia and Amjad have made up, everything is OK.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Forgive and forget, that's the important thing, he na?
0:25:51 > 0:25:52Sweetie, where are you going?
0:25:52 > 0:25:54I'm going to my sister's.
0:25:54 > 0:25:57What? I thought we could spend some time together.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00If you wanted to spend time with me, you wouldn't have spent
0:26:00 > 0:26:04our "time together" money on some stupid chicken shop.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08You're right, I just wanted to turn back the clock.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10But it was a stupid idea.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12What do you mean, turn back the clock?
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Do you remember when we first got married, and we lived in that flat?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22And we worked in the chip shop downstairs?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24Bert and Tina's, yes, so?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26We worked so hard, didn't we?
0:26:26 > 0:26:30I worked hard, you spent your entire time watching cricket.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34That's not true, sweetie, we didn't have a telly then,
0:26:34 > 0:26:36I used to listen to it on the radio!
0:26:37 > 0:26:41I just wanted to go back to the time before children,
0:26:41 > 0:26:46before community leader, before everything.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48Just me and you together.
0:26:51 > 0:26:55We were so happy. Well, I was.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57So was I.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02I'm sorry we couldn't go to Argentina to do the fandango.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07But we could still have a dance.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10You know, like we used to, after closing time.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Remember this?
0:27:16 > 0:27:17MUSIC STARTS
0:27:21 > 0:27:25# There's a guy works down the chip shop, swears he's Elvis
0:27:26 > 0:27:30# Just like you swore to me that you'd be true... #