0:00:03 > 0:00:08Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham. The capital of British Pakistan.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15They all know me.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Do you like my suit?
0:00:18 > 0:00:21Number one, Citizen Khan.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23HE SINGS
0:00:24 > 0:00:29- Hello, sir.- Hello, Amjad! - What are you doing?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31It's the Great Sparkhill Bake Off!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34I'm doing a pineapple inside out cake.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36You mean upside down?
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Winner gets picture in the paper, interview with Midlands Today
0:00:42 > 0:00:47- and a special invitation for dinner at Mr Javed's house.- Wow.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49Can you imagine me at Mr Javed's house?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Sitting at his marble dining table,
0:00:51 > 0:00:55while he nibbles on my coconut madeleines?
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Sounds amazing. But I thought you said baking wasn't very manly?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01It is the way I do!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04DRILL WHIRS
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Look at that, eh? I'm bound to win! Who wouldn't like that?
0:01:12 > 0:01:15My mum wouldn't. She doesn't like pineapples.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Or cherries. Or grapefruit. Or pomegranate.
0:01:18 > 0:01:22Look, Amjad, talk to the hand, the beard ain't listening.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Nobody cares what your mother likes.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27I suppose.
0:01:27 > 0:01:31- Although, she is chairman of the judges.- Oh, twaddi!
0:01:31 > 0:01:35Maybe she'll like it with cream on.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38There we go. Do you want a taste?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41I shouldn't. I'm watching my figure.
0:01:41 > 0:01:45Come on. It won't make you fat, it's very light and fluffy.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Oh, go on, then!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50SAW WHIRS
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Here we are!
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Kitchen table's broken again.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20You promised you weren't going to enter any more competitions.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Not after last year's Curry Challenge.
0:02:22 > 0:02:27Even now, poor Mrs Anwar can't be more than 20 feet from a lavatory.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30That's what happens when you use an Indian recipe by mistake!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Hello, sweetie. Do you want to try my back to front cake?
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- No, thanks. I'm not hungry. - Are you OK? You don't look well.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42- I'm fine.- What time did you get in last night?- Can't remember.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- You were out late again. - Papaji said I could.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52She was at the mosque. All-night prayers.
0:02:54 > 0:02:57- Look at the state of her. - It's hard work being that good.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01She is mixing with the wrong crowd.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03You mean her study group?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06You need to meet some nicer people. More sensible. Reliable.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08You mean boring? No, thanks.
0:03:08 > 0:03:13There's a Pakistani singles party today, at the community centre.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- What?- It's just a chance for busy young people to get together.
0:03:16 > 0:03:20- No way!- Sweetie, I don't think it's right to interfere
0:03:20 > 0:03:22in Alia's personal life.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25When the time is right, she should have a choice.
0:03:25 > 0:03:28Either Mr Javed's son the doctor. Or Mr Javed's other son the accountant.
0:03:30 > 0:03:35- I've already paid the fee.- What? Why don't you just give it a chance, beti?
0:03:35 > 0:03:39Why can't you just leave me alone? I feel sick. I'm going back to bed.
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- Well, if she's not going, we'll have to go for her.- We?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- I'm not going on my own. - What about my cake?
0:03:45 > 0:03:47I'll get started for you, sir.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50We could make a lemon drizzle cake? That's my mummy's favourite.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52- What are the ingredients?- Lemons...
0:03:54 > 0:03:56..and drizzle!
0:04:02 > 0:04:07Now, just be nice, write down their details and try not to put them off!
0:04:07 > 0:04:09What? How could I put them off?
0:04:09 > 0:04:12HE HAWKS
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Oh, hello...Haroon.- Hello.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19We are here on behalf of our daughter.
0:04:19 > 0:04:20Her name is Alia...
0:04:20 > 0:04:24That's with an A, as in "Apple of our eyes"...
0:04:24 > 0:04:27and Khan. That's with a K.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30As in, "Keep your filthy hands off my daughter!"
0:04:33 > 0:04:38I don't know what it is, but there's something about you I really like.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44No, thank you!
0:04:44 > 0:04:47So, Iqbal, can you tell us anything about yourself?
0:04:48 > 0:04:52Anything at all? What sort of things do you like?
0:04:54 > 0:04:56There must be something. Come on...
0:04:58 > 0:05:00I suppose I mainly like big boobies.
0:05:08 > 0:05:11- Hi.- Hi.- How's it going? - Not very well.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Same here. My parents insisted I came.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Much rather be at home watching the cricket!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Not found your type yet?
0:05:19 > 0:05:23Oh, to be honest, I don't think there's much chance I'll find MY type here.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25I know what you mean.
0:05:25 > 0:05:29- Nice beard, by the way.- Thanks.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30OK, let's cut to the chase...
0:05:30 > 0:05:33I'm looking for a young man.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Wow. OK.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38- You could be just what I need.- Right.
0:05:38 > 0:05:42Well, you know. I mean, I feel the same.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- Excellent. Write your name down on here.- OK. Old school.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52- That's it.- There you go. And what about you? What's your name?
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- Mr Khan. Community leader. They all know me.- I bet they do.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00So, shall we go somewhere now, or...?
0:06:00 > 0:06:05- Wow. You're keen! I suppose we could go back to my place.- Really?
0:06:05 > 0:06:09Get to know each other, who knows where that might lead?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11- I'm just waiting for my wife. - Your wife?!
0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Yeah, she's helping me find someone. - OK, listen, I'm not really...
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Don't worry! There's no pressure. It's a free choice.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21We're a very modern family.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- No kidding. You're sure your wife doesn't mind?- It was her idea!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28- Right, I think I've got four or five possibles...- There's no need.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30I've found the one.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35- He's perfect. Alia's going to love him.- Who's Alia?
0:06:35 > 0:06:37My daughter. Why do you think I needed a man?
0:06:38 > 0:06:40WE HAVE TO GO! Hai hai!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Call me!
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Why don't you at least meet one of them?- No. Just leave me alone.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56She won't even meet them. Tell her how nice they were.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59That bunch of lemons! None of them were suitable!
0:06:59 > 0:07:02I'm not going out with some greasy-haired dork with glasses who works in IT!
0:07:02 > 0:07:04They're not all like that.
0:07:04 > 0:07:08- Look, this one works in data management.- Oh, my God!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12- Are the swimming towels in here? - I'm going to my room.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18- What's going on?- Your sister's upset because your mother wants her to be friends with some nerds.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20Why don't you just leave her alone?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Because she's got to buck her ideas up and start mixing with a better class of person!
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- She's fine. Isn't she, Shazia? - 'Course she is!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Anyway, she's already got a boyfriend.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30What?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- I mean...- She's got a boyfriend?!
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Maybe. She might have. I'm not sure.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41Shazia, Alia hasn't got a boyfriend,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44she doesn't even talk to boys!
0:07:44 > 0:07:47- Except at the ones at her mosque study group.- Oh, my God!
0:07:47 > 0:07:52It's probably some big, smelly biker covered in tattoos!
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Sweetie, you're over reacting.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Alia is a good girl.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58I'm sure this is all very innocent.
0:07:58 > 0:08:05Now, Shazia, this friend who is a boy/boyfriend,
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- is it someone who works at the mosque?- No.
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- The library?- I don't think so. - So, where does he work?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13The pub.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- The pub?- Oh, my God!
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Nice pub?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23The Rat and Shotgun on Boulders Lane.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Oh, my God.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29Calm down, my darling. That doesn't mean anything.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Lots of perfectly respectable people go to pubs.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35The imam and I once shared an orange and passion fruit J2O
0:08:35 > 0:08:38in the Mucky Ducky in Acocks Green.
0:08:38 > 0:08:43- I don't think he's an imam.- But he's not what your mother said, huh?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45- A smelly biker covered in tattoos?- No.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48I mean, he's probably not smelly.
0:08:48 > 0:08:52And they don't call them tattoos now, it's more like body art.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55You like art. Don't you, sweetie?
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Does he have a name, this sweet smelling biker with body art?
0:09:02 > 0:09:03I think he's called Scab?
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- Hai hai!- Please, Shazia, just tell me one thing.
0:09:09 > 0:09:14This smelly biker covered in tattoos, is he Pakistani?
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Of course he's not Pakistani, you idiot!
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Does Scab sound like a Pakistani name to you?
0:09:18 > 0:09:22- What are we going to do? - I'm going to take Naani swimming!
0:09:22 > 0:09:27Someone is just going to have to go to the pub and tell this Scab to stop seeing Alia.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30But Boulders Green is dangerous!
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Without armoured support vehicles it'll be suicide!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36Take someone with you, then!
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Where am I going to find somebody stupid enough to come with me?
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I can't find a recipe for drizzle, sir!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Amjad, fancy a pint?
0:09:56 > 0:10:01MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath
0:10:04 > 0:10:07MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:10:09 > 0:10:11Assalam aleikum.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15Maybe I should wait in the car?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Amjad! I need you!
0:10:19 > 0:10:22- What for?- In case it all kicks off.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26I'm not allowed to make arrests while I'm off duty, sir.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28I don't need you to arrest them,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30just give them someone to punch while I get away.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Oh, right.
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Wait, what?
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Hello, Mr Waiter. We're looking for someone called Scab?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44LOUD CHEERS
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Oh, God.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Not him. Him.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59I haven't seen this many beards since Friday prayers.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04MR KHAN HAWKS
0:11:04 > 0:11:08- Oh, hiya. The changing room's just round there. If you follow me, I'll show you.- What?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- Aren't you the act?- What act?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13For the Eurovision night. I'm guessing you're Conchita?
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- I'm Mr Khan, community leader. They all know me!- You're Alia's dad!
0:11:19 > 0:11:22- There you go.- Oh, I'm so sorry. - And so you should be.
0:11:22 > 0:11:27- Now, listen to me, young Scabby, me and you need to have little chitty chatty.- Yeah, of course!
0:11:27 > 0:11:30May I just say what an absolute honour it is to meet you, sir.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Is it?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33Alia's told me all about you.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- Has she?- Oh, yes. You are a legend in Sparkhill.
0:11:36 > 0:11:38Am I?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40So, what do you want to chat about?
0:11:40 > 0:11:45Oh, yes. Now, are you or are you not Alia's boyfriend?
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- Yes.- Ah, don't try to deny it!
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- No, I'm not! I mean, yes, I am her boyfriend.- Ah-ha!
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I mean, we like each other and we hang out together.
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- With other people though, cos obviously I know it's a sensitive area.- It is a bit.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03- OK, I've heard enough. You can't see Alia- any more. What? Why?
0:12:03 > 0:12:05Because Mrs Khan told...
0:12:06 > 0:12:09I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11I see.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13Well, we should probably be going.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Hey, hang on. Is it because I'm not Muslim?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Yes! That's it. Not Muslim.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23We lot are a bit funny about that, you see.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Well, then, that's fine, because I'm converting.- What?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Yeah, I'm converting to Islam.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30I've been thinking about it for ages, actually.
0:12:30 > 0:12:32I've read the Koran, done loads of research
0:12:32 > 0:12:35- and I go to the mosque all the time. - Good for you.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39So, everything's fine then, yeah?
0:12:39 > 0:12:44No. You're not Pakistani and there's no conversion course for that.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47Right. I mean, I have been to Pakistan.
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Yeah. I spent a year there with this charity I work for.
0:12:50 > 0:12:55- My Pakistani name is Amjad. - That's my Pakistani name!
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Look, Mr Khan, if I could maybe come home with you? Speak to Mrs Khan?
0:12:59 > 0:13:00I wouldn't recommend that.
0:13:01 > 0:13:04I do like Alia ever such a lot.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09No! Look, Scabby, you seem like a nice boy,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13but I haven't got time for this, I've got to get to the Cash and Carry and work out how to make a...
0:13:13 > 0:13:17- Lemon drizzle cake.- ..before Mrs Mary Berry bloomin' Malik turns up.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Oh, it's easy. It's just milk, sugar, eggs, flour, baking powder
0:13:20 > 0:13:23and lemons. But you only use the zest.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I'm a chef.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Fine. Meet me at my house at four o'clock.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Come on.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Please, come on through.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44I must say, I was surprised to hear that Mrs Khan had entered...
0:13:44 > 0:13:47having tasted her gulab jamuns!
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- It's not her.- Oh?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- It's me.- Oh.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Well, let's get it over with. - Right, OK.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Here's one for you,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- and one for you...- Thanks.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02One for you.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- There's no cake.- Don't worry. It'll be arriving any...
0:14:08 > 0:14:10It'll be ready any minute.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15Timing is so important in baking, don't you agree?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Nobody likes a soggy bottom, do they?
0:14:19 > 0:14:21I don't need to tell you.
0:14:21 > 0:14:22HE HAWKS
0:14:22 > 0:14:26- What cake is it? - I'm doing a lemon drizzle cake.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Oh! Well, that's my favourite.
0:14:29 > 0:14:31Is it? Is it, really?
0:14:31 > 0:14:34I had no idea.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Is it your favourite cake, as well?
0:14:36 > 0:14:38No.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- How did you become a judge anyway? - I applied.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43What qualifications have you got?
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Fair enough.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48I'm sure that between us we'll be able to come to a fair decision.
0:14:48 > 0:14:53Of course, of course. And I'm sure you're going to love it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:58You know, I used an ancient Khan family recipe.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00- For lemon drizzle cake? - Oh, yes.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05It's my great-great-great-great-great grandmother's.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09We thought we'd lost it, but then I rediscovered it.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Wow. Where did you find it?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14On the internet.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - It must be prayer time!
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
0:15:21 > 0:15:26- Is everything all right? - Yes, of course.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28She loves her prayers!
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Sweetie! The Bake Off judges! - Never mind about that. Look at this!
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- Yes, so?- It's a pregnancy tester. - Yes, so?
0:15:36 > 0:15:38It's positive!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- You mean?- Exactly.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42We're having another baby?!
0:15:42 > 0:15:46It's not mine, you bewakoof! I found it in the bathroom.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50Oh, God. Not Naani!
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- I didn't think that was even possible.- It's not Naani.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57- Don't be ridiculous.- Then who?
0:15:58 > 0:16:03- Not Alia?- Yes.- No.- Haan. - It can't be.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Just think about it. She's been under the weather.- So?
0:16:06 > 0:16:10- She's been off her food, feeling sick!- That doesn't mean anything!
0:16:10 > 0:16:13- And she's got that secret biker boyfriend!- I don't believe it!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- You better believe it! - Not my sweet Alia!
0:16:16 > 0:16:20She would have told me, she always tells me everything.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23Right, then you can go and ask her.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26What? Oh, twaddi!
0:16:27 > 0:16:33So, these are my new blonde highlights, which I did with a home colouring kit in the bathroom.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38And here's my top tip: always dye your hair when your parents are out.
0:16:38 > 0:16:43Because if you get caught, it'll be embarrassing! Shame.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45MR KHAN HAWKS
0:16:45 > 0:16:48- Alia, sweetie? - I'll talk to you later!
0:16:53 > 0:16:57- Hello, beti!- Hi, Papaji.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Did you want to talk to me about something?
0:17:02 > 0:17:06No, I was just passing through.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09- Do you want to come in? - Yeah, why not?
0:17:09 > 0:17:13Might as well come in and keep you company, now I'm here.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- How are you feeling?- All right.
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Not feeling sick at all?- No. That was just in the morning.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I'm fine now.
0:17:24 > 0:17:29Right. That's good.
0:17:29 > 0:17:32Beti, your mother and I were wondering,
0:17:32 > 0:17:35is there something you might want to tell us?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36No.
0:17:36 > 0:17:42Something that may have happened recently that might be a bit embarrassing?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44No...
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Something that you've done?
0:17:47 > 0:17:53Something that a good Pakistani Muslim girl shouldn't have done?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55Um...
0:17:56 > 0:18:01- It's just that your mother found something in the bathroom.- Oh.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Is it yours? It's OK, you can tell me.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07I won't be cross.
0:18:07 > 0:18:11Yeah, it's mine.
0:18:11 > 0:18:15No! Alia, my little baby!
0:18:15 > 0:18:16I was going to tell you.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Oh, God!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20I was just trying it out.
0:18:20 > 0:18:24But you are my best daughter. How could you do this?
0:18:24 > 0:18:28I just wanted to see what it would be like.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Sweetie, we all get curious about it,
0:18:32 > 0:18:34but these things have consequences.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Is it really such a big deal, though?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Yes!
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Only... I quite like it.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42No!
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I mean, I'm definitely going to do it again.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46Hai hai!
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Only next time, I'll probably want a different colour.- Oh, my God!
0:18:55 > 0:19:00- Well?- She's definitely pregnant. With the first one!- What?
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Well, let's just say, by the time she's finished it'll be like
0:19:03 > 0:19:06the United Colours of Benetton around here.
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Oh, my God! She's gone completely off the rails.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- What are we going to do? - I just don't understand.
0:19:14 > 0:19:18- Why and how did this happen? - It must be that greasy biker, Scab!
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Do you know what this means? She'll be ruined!
0:19:21 > 0:19:25And what about all our hopes for her university, her career?
0:19:25 > 0:19:28She was going to be Sparkhill's first female imam.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Well, that's not happening.- She might still get away with it.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34They've got a creche.
0:19:34 > 0:19:39- OK. First, we have to make sure that that Scab creature is out of the picture.- Right.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42But that's OK, because you got rid of him, didn't you?
0:19:42 > 0:19:45Oh, yes.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47- You did get rid of him? - Of course.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50I told him never to darken our doorstep again.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52HE HAWKS
0:19:52 > 0:19:54DOORBELL RINGS
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Who's that?- I don't know.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Well, aren't you going to answer it? - Yes.- Well, go on, then!
0:20:03 > 0:20:06In a minute, there's no rush.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- What?- I mean, we never get a chance to chat like this, do we?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15It seems a shame to interrupt it!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Is there anything you'd like to talk about, sweetie?
0:20:17 > 0:20:19DOORBELL RINGS
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Answer the door!- OK, I'm going!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Hai!- Oh, hi! Your mother-in-law let me in.
0:20:36 > 0:20:39What are you doing letting strangers into the house?
0:20:39 > 0:20:42He's not stranger. He's my swimming instructor!
0:20:46 > 0:20:50- What?- Yeah, I teach aqua aerobics for the elderly at the leisure centre.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I think it's important to help older people keep active.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55You're really starting to annoy me.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- I brought your cake! - Oh, yes. Thanks.
0:21:01 > 0:21:04- Now, you have to leave.- What? No. I was thinking, maybe I could speak with Mrs Khan?
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- Definitely not!- I just want to show her how much I have to give Alia.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09You've given her enough already.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- Maybe if I spoke to her, told her how I feel?- She's not here.- Eh?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17- There was an emergency. She had to go out.- Oh, where to?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20World of Sofas. We ran out of scatter cushions.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- Who ran out of cushions?- Hai! - Hi.- Who's this?
0:21:25 > 0:21:28- I don't know.- Mrs Khan, I'm Scab. A friend of Alia's.
0:21:28 > 0:21:32- Oh, my God!- Yes. Oh, my God!
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- What's he doing here? - Mr Khan invited me.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43You know what it's like when you go to the pub, sweetie!
0:21:45 > 0:21:48Have a couple of Fantas and a Cherryade chaser,
0:21:48 > 0:21:51you're making friends with all kinds of people!
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I told you to keep him away from our daughter
0:21:54 > 0:21:57and you invited him to our house?
0:21:58 > 0:22:02- I think you better leave.- But what about Alia? I really care for her!
0:22:04 > 0:22:08Sweetie, maybe we've been a little bit hasty, huh?
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- What?- Scabby seems like a good boy.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Maybe he is the right for Alia, after all?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16But he's not Muslim. Or Pakistani.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19- He's converting. Aren't you?- Yeah.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22And he's lived in Pakistan. His Pakistani name is Amjad!
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Ha, yeah. And next you'll be telling me he speaks Urdu(!)
0:22:27 > 0:22:29HE SPEAKS URDU
0:22:34 > 0:22:35See?!
0:22:35 > 0:22:39He does seem nice! You're not at all like how I imagined.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Scab sounds so rough.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Yeah, well, that's actually from when I was little.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46I was always falling over and getting scabby knees.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49So, my mum called me Scabby once and it just kind of stuck.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- My real name's Richard. - Oh, that's much better.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- I have to say, you're not quite how I imagined, either.- What do you mean?
0:22:56 > 0:23:01Well, the way Mr Khan described you, I thought you were going to be an absolute dragon!
0:23:03 > 0:23:06I just got to check on the judges!
0:23:09 > 0:23:13- Everything OK?- Finally! I can't watch this man eating crisps any longer.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16I told you to keep your eyes shut.
0:23:18 > 0:23:22- Where have you been?- I've been sprinkling drizzle on my cake.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25- For ten minutes? - I've got a lot of drizzle.
0:23:26 > 0:23:30- Where is it then?- Oh, twaddi. I left it in...the oven.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33- The kitchen's this way. - This is a short cut!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36SHE LAUGHS
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- How are you getting on? - Oh, very well.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I don't know what you were worrying about.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45- What are you doing here? - Oh, hey. Your dad invited me.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48We just wanted you to be closer together.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51That's close enough!
0:23:51 > 0:23:53- What's going on?- We're getting to know your boyfriend.
0:23:53 > 0:23:55How do you know he's my boyfriend?
0:23:55 > 0:23:59We're your parents, Alia. We instinctively know these things.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03Plus, Shazia told us.
0:24:03 > 0:24:08- Oh, what!- We think Scabby here's very nice. Such a nice young man.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11So, you're not bothered about what the neighbours will think?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13Shazia and Amjad? They'll be fine with it!
0:24:14 > 0:24:17Or the ladies at the mosque? Or Mrs Malik?
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Who cares what Mrs Malik thinks?!
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Hello?- Don't come in!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25We can't hang around any longer.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Who's this?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- He's my boyfriend.- What?
0:24:29 > 0:24:32No, not her boyfriend actually.
0:24:32 > 0:24:35- Her fiance.- What?- What?
0:24:36 > 0:24:39That's right, they're getting married!
0:24:39 > 0:24:44- We're not getting married! - Yes, you are! Congratulations!
0:24:44 > 0:24:48No need to ask what they've been getting up to then.
0:24:48 > 0:24:50- Oh, where are you going?- Mr Khan, I'm sorry. I can't get married.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Why not? You've done everything else.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- What's going on?- Alia's getting married.- What? Who to?
0:24:57 > 0:25:01- NAANI:- My swimming instructor. - Papaji?
0:25:01 > 0:25:05It's OK, beti. Your mother and I forgive you.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07What for?
0:25:07 > 0:25:10You know, the thing we found in the bathroom.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- That's why I have to get married? - Haan!
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Well, I missed that meeting!
0:25:16 > 0:25:19I knew it! She's pregnant.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21What?!
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- Yeah, what? - Please, don't tell anyone.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27- Hold on. I'm not pregnant. - That's right. She's not pregnant.
0:25:27 > 0:25:31And that's our story and we're sticking to it.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34Riaz, You need to book the mosque next week, huh?
0:25:34 > 0:25:38I can't say I'm surprised, this family is a disgrace.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40You've brought shame on the whole community!
0:25:42 > 0:25:47All right, that's enough! We've got nothing to be ashamed of!
0:25:47 > 0:25:50OK, so my good daughter might have got herself knocked up
0:25:50 > 0:25:53by some bloke she met in the pub.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58And, yes, he may not be Pakistani, but he's a good boy and he cares for her.
0:25:58 > 0:26:01And the important thing is he's converting!
0:26:01 > 0:26:05Riaz, we're going to have to book him in for the snippy-snippy next week, too!
0:26:06 > 0:26:09But Papaji, really - I'm not pregnant.
0:26:09 > 0:26:14Yes, you are! You know, the embarrassing thing you did...
0:26:14 > 0:26:16You mean, dying my hair?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19What?
0:26:19 > 0:26:23I dyed my hair in the bathroom. It's Tahitian Sunrise.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- But what about the morning sickness? - I ate one of your practice cakes last night!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29It was horrible.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34- But then how do you explain this? - It's not mine.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Well, it's not mine.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38Don't look at me!
0:26:38 > 0:26:40I try not to!
0:26:41 > 0:26:43- It's mine.- What?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45I did the test round here earlier.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48I wanted to be sure, before I told everyone!
0:26:48 > 0:26:50So...
0:26:50 > 0:26:52What?
0:26:53 > 0:26:58- YOU'RE having another baby? - Yes! And so are you!
0:26:58 > 0:27:00OH!
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I'm going to be a granny again!
0:27:04 > 0:27:06In your face!
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- It's my grandchild, too!- Oh, yes. Sorry.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I mean, congratulations!
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Oh, how about some lemon drizzle cake?
0:27:25 > 0:27:28It's absolutely disgusting!
0:27:28 > 0:27:29I thought you said you were a chef?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I never said I was any good!