0:00:03 > 0:00:05Welcome to Sparkhill, Birmingham,
0:00:05 > 0:00:08the capital of British Pakistan.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15They all know me.
0:00:15 > 0:00:16Do you like my suit?
0:00:18 > 0:00:20Number one, Citizen Khan.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Once upon a Christmas time in Sparkhill...
0:00:29 > 0:00:33..there lived a young Pakistani man named Mr Khan.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36As well as being handsome
0:00:36 > 0:00:39and frequently mistaken for George Clooneys,
0:00:39 > 0:00:43Mr Khan was a cheerful sort of fellow.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47But this particular Christmas, he was feeling a bit down in the dumps.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50- Merry Christmas.- Merry Christmas.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Merry Christmas!
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Merry Christmas, Mr Khan!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I'm not a community leader and nobody knows me.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08Hm, there's something not right with Mr Khan.
0:01:08 > 0:01:11- Mr Khan?- Yes.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14- You know, beard, glasses... - BLUE STAR HOIKS
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Oh, Mr Khan.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24So what do you think is wrong with him, then?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Well, if you ask me,
0:01:26 > 0:01:29it all goes back to when he first moved to Sparkhill.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34The year was 1989,
0:01:34 > 0:01:38when Band Aid were top of the Christmas charts again.
0:01:38 > 0:01:42A flight to Pakistan cost only £149.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46£199 if you wanted an actual seat.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50And the world was Mr Khan's oyster.
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Hello, Keith!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Hang on...
0:01:58 > 0:01:59You'll like this.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04Salman, I like him, Mr Khan.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07- What?- Salman, I like him.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Salman who? Salman Rushdie?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12No. No.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14- Isn't that what you Muslims say? - No.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- What do you say, then? - I need a briefcase, Keith.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Oh, right.
0:02:18 > 0:02:21No. I don't plan on staying in Sparkhill for ever.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23Oh, no.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25I've got big dreams, ambitions.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29I'm going to be somebody, like Robert Maxwell.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Whatever he can do, I can do, too, eh?
0:02:32 > 0:02:34What about this, Mr Khan?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37It's got a vinyl finish, lots of space for important documents.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40No, no, no, no.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42I need something that says I'm a proper businessman,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45a mover, a shaker, huh?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I'm Mr Khan, they'll all know me.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50How about this?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52Executive briefcase,
0:02:52 > 0:02:56genuine leather, combination locks, brass finish.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Not bad, huh?
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- How much?- No charge.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03I can't afford that! Hang on...
0:03:03 > 0:03:04What did you say?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Call it a wedding present.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Ha-ha! Thank you, Keith!
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Oh, yes.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13I'll get my name on it, huh, in gold letters.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15That is extra.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Very generous of you, Keithy.
0:03:19 > 0:03:23I suppose, now you're married, Mrs Khan will want a place of her own?
0:03:23 > 0:03:26Oh, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith...
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I promised her father I'll keep her safe and warm
0:03:29 > 0:03:31with a roof over her head.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34You get all that in a flat above a chip shop.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Ah, no mortgage, no ties.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Apart from this one, hey?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I still can't believe we own our own home.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Yes, I'll do all the DIYs, huh?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Make this a home.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Our home.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Ah, just the two of us.
0:03:57 > 0:03:59Erm...
0:04:00 > 0:04:02- The three of us.- Hey?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Toilet not work.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Oh, I'd forgotten about you.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Ha!
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Oh, and I have another bit of news I need to tell you.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16- Oh, me, too!- Welcome, Mr Khan.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Welcome, Riaz.- Ready?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23In a minute. Mrs Khan has got something to tell me.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25You go first.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Well, Riaz as has given me a tip-off
0:04:27 > 0:04:32that Mr Javed is looking for investors for his new business.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34He's going into the mobile phone business.
0:04:34 > 0:04:36What's a mobile phone?
0:04:36 > 0:04:37I don't know.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40Where's my briefcase?
0:04:40 > 0:04:41Ah-ha!
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Here we go.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44HE CHUCKLES
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- How do I look? - Like a proper businessman.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49- Wish me luck.- Good luck.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Oh, no, no. Hang on...
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- What was your news? - I'll tell you later.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- No, just tell me now, sweetie. - OK.
0:04:59 > 0:05:00I'm going to have a baby.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Ah, ha-ha-ha!
0:05:03 > 0:05:07That's wonderful, wonderful, wonderful news!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Oh, no. Hold on.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11You need to have something to eat. Have you eaten? Sit down.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13- Oh, no, you can't sit on there, but...- I'm fine!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Mr Khan, we should go.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Riaz, I am going to be a daddy.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Congratulations. But the Mr Javed.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21Forget Mr Javed.
0:05:22 > 0:05:26I need to make this house a palace fit for my family.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38Nine months later, Mr Khan's dream house was taking shape.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Even if his business career, just like Robert Maxwell's,
0:05:41 > 0:05:43was about to sink.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45So what's this meeting you've got, then?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48I'm about to be a founder member
0:05:48 > 0:05:52of the Sparkhill Pakistani Business Association.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Wow, you're going to be like one of them yuppies.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Better than that, Keithy.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58I'm going to be a Pakistani yuppie.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01A "puppie"!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- Very impressive. - I'm on my way, Keith.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Nothing and no-one can stop me now.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Oh...!
0:06:09 > 0:06:12- Hospital.- Oh...!
0:06:12 > 0:06:13Are you OK?
0:06:15 > 0:06:18Once again, our handsome young business mogul
0:06:18 > 0:06:20had his plans thwarted.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23How would Britain cope without this man's genius?
0:06:23 > 0:06:28But thankfully, four years later, opportunity knocked again...
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- Thanks for taking me to the bus station, Riaz.- No problem.
0:06:30 > 0:06:35I'm going to try and get a meeting with Mr Alan Sugars.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Never heard of him. - He makes rubbish computers.
0:06:40 > 0:06:41The school just called.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Shazia has got her head stuck in the climbing frame.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46And Naani ate beetroot.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Need hospital. Too much gas.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52And I'm pregnant again.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Come on. Come on, here we go.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03And so, the handsome Mr Khan soldiered on
0:07:03 > 0:07:07until Christmas Eve, 2016.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11When fate, in the unlikely form of Ginger Dave,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13presented him with one more chance.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Merry Christmas, Riaz!
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Wa'alaikum salaam.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20I said, Merry Christmas!
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- For the community centre. - Oh...
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Oh, the penny drops.
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Riaz, when I said the penny drops, I didn't literally mean a penny.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- I need the coins for the electric meter.- Oh, no, you don't. Look...
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Heh-hey...!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Oh.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Ah-ah-ah-ah.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47COINS RATTLE
0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Thank you. - What are you collecting for?
0:07:49 > 0:07:52Who cares? Something to do with the community centre.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54New car park, new roof, I don't know.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- I didn't know we needed a new roof. - We don't.
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Your eyebrows are moving up and down.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05That's because I'm trying to tell you something
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- of a slightly sensitive nature. - Oh.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11Listen, Riaz, if I can raise enough money for this place,
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- they'll have to name it after me. - Oh, that again.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Yes, that again.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Why shouldn't it be named after me?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Nowadays, all buildings are named after someone.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25You've got the Burj Khalifa, named after President Khalifa.
0:08:25 > 0:08:29St Paul's Cathedral, named after St Paul.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32And Windsor Castle, named after...Barbara Windsor.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Hello, Mr Khan.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Oh, hello, Dave.
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Are you going to help me with my fundraising?
0:08:38 > 0:08:41Get the community centre a new name...new roof!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43I'd love to help, but I'm very busy.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46We're using the community centre as a shelter for refugees
0:08:46 > 0:08:47over the Christmas period.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49We've got a cross-faith committee
0:08:49 > 0:08:53led by a rabbi, a priest and an imam.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Is this some kind of joke?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02What's a rabbi doing here?
0:09:02 > 0:09:04We don't have anything in common with these people, Dave.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Apart from snippy-snipping.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12This is charity in action, Mr Khan.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15Surely, as a fundraiser, you're in favour of helping refugees.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Of course.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19I think it's very important that we welcome in
0:09:19 > 0:09:22the sad, the desperate and the disadvantaged.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24We welcomed you, didn't we?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Anyway, everyone knows you're only raising money
0:09:28 > 0:09:31so you can get the community centre named after you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Whereas I am not doing this for personal recognition.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36But because, well, as a Muslim, it's my duty to help those in need.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40MOCKINGLY: "As a Muslim, it's my duty to help those in need."
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Although, as it turns out,
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- I am going to be getting some recognition, too.- What?
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Our community centre has been recognised by the Queen.
0:09:48 > 0:09:51I'm going to a special Christmas dinner at Buckingham Palace tomorrow
0:09:51 > 0:09:52to receive an award.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57The Queen?!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Buckingham Palace?!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02An award?!
0:10:02 > 0:10:03An award... What for?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Outstanding services to the community.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Outstanding services to the community?!
0:10:09 > 0:10:11- Yes.- But...- Yes?
0:10:11 > 0:10:12- But...- But what?
0:10:12 > 0:10:13But that's me!
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Mr Khan, I'm community leader, they all know me.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Mr Khan...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Has this got anything to do with Prince Harry?
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Mr Khan...
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I bet it is Prince Harry.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26This is a ginger crony conspiracy!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Mr Khan...
0:10:29 > 0:10:34I'll tell you what, this is nothing short of an absolute outrage!
0:10:34 > 0:10:35- Mr Khan!- What?
0:10:35 > 0:10:36You're invited, too.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38What a wonderful gesture.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Merry Christmas.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45And a happy Hanukkah-schmonikka to you, too.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Then the Queen will say,
0:10:51 > 0:10:54"How do you do, Mr Khan?"
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Then I'll say, "How do you do, Your Majesty?"
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Make sure you get a selfie, then I can put it on Instagram.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04and then shell get tagged by William and Kate
0:11:04 > 0:11:06and then, like, I'll be friends with them.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Ah, sweetie,
0:11:08 > 0:11:11the Queen doesn't do "selfies".
0:11:11 > 0:11:13She does "onesies".
0:11:15 > 0:11:19Imagine, the Queen and me in a onesie together.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- Now, that would be something, wouldn't it?- It really would.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Now, I need to create a good impression. Where's my briefcase?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- There you are.- Oh, hello, darling. Have you seen my briefcase?
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Well, never mind about that. You have to go and buy biscuits.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35Shazia's brought the children round and we've run out.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- We've got lots of biscuits. - Someone ate them all.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I'm sorry.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I didn't realise you rationed them.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46I was considering issuing ration books,
0:11:46 > 0:11:48but I thought you'd probably eat those, too!
0:11:50 > 0:11:52- Just go. - All right, I'll go in a minute.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54I need to find my briefcase first.
0:11:54 > 0:11:57- And I need you to help me with the Christmas dinner tomorrow.- Yes, OK.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59And at some point, you have to go over to Mrs Malik's house
0:11:59 > 0:12:02- and unblock her sink.- I've got a large accumulation of fat.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10You're not kidding.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Sweetie, you don't understand.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16You still haven't put up the Christmas lights
0:12:16 > 0:12:18and I've been asking you to do it for days.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20But I got my hands full already.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Dad, Amjad's off to work and I need to feed Little Mo.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Can you change Nadia's nappy? - Oh, twadi!
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Is this your briefcase, sir?
0:12:30 > 0:12:32No!
0:12:32 > 0:12:36This is Grandpa's special case!
0:12:36 > 0:12:38You mustn't stop him, Dad. You'll stifle his creativity.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Well done, Mo. Good boy.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44What do you need that old briefcase for, anyway?
0:12:44 > 0:12:46It's what I've been trying to tell you.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48I've got a special dinner in London tomorrow.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I don't care if you're having dinner with the Queen of England
0:12:51 > 0:12:53in Buckingham Palace.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Well, it's funny you should say that...
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Tomorrow is Christmas Day and we need you here.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00- But the community centre is getting an award.- So what?
0:13:00 > 0:13:02So what?!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05I've been waiting for this moment for the past 30 years.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- Well, you can't go.- But...
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Stop.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11It's Christmas Day and you need to be here with your family
0:13:11 > 0:13:12and that's that.
0:13:14 > 0:13:15Right!
0:13:17 > 0:13:18Fine!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20I'll change the crappy nappy!
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Then I'll put the Boxing Christmas lights up!
0:13:24 > 0:13:28And then I'll shove my hand up Mrs Malik's U-bend!
0:13:31 > 0:13:34Because that's all I'm good for.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35All the little jobs.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37I'm not a big shot.
0:13:37 > 0:13:40I'm not a businessman.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I'm not even a community leader!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47I'm just a nobody!
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Toilet not working.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Poor Mr Khan.
0:13:58 > 0:14:02Instead of going to Buckingham Palace to meet the Queen,
0:14:02 > 0:14:05with his executive briefcase,
0:14:05 > 0:14:09he had to go to Mr Ali's Cash And Carry to buy a plunger.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17'Proper businessman...
0:14:17 > 0:14:19'Who was I kidding?'
0:14:22 > 0:14:24'Stupid briefcase!
0:14:25 > 0:14:29'I'll never need that ever again.'
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Oh, twadi!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Oh, help!
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Help! Oh, God!
0:14:39 > 0:14:41No!
0:14:41 > 0:14:42Argh!
0:14:44 > 0:14:46There we are.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48All safe and sound.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55If you're after my wallet, you're wasting your time.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I threw it in the canal.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59Along with my house keys and my mobile blooming phone.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Of course I'm not.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Do I look like a mugger?
0:15:05 > 0:15:08A chugger, then. You're all after money.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Don't be such a silly, Mr Khan.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12You know who I am?
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Of course I do. You're my mission.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19I was sent by a higher power to help you.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22Oh, not Reverend Green, who knocks on our door every Christmas!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Higher than that.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31Look, Mrs... Whoever you are.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Well, I suppose you could call me...
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Angel-a.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Right.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40Or Angel-ena.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43Or Angel-ica.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45I'm saying...
0:15:45 > 0:15:47I'm an angel.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50You know, from heaven.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51OK.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Obviously, I'm not actually an angel.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Obviously.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I mean, I haven't got my wings yet.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01Well, it's been lovely chitty-chatting, but I have to go.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03No! Don't do it.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- You've got so much to live for. - What?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09- You were going to jump in the canal. - No, I wasn't.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11I'm trying to get my briefcase back.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14But I might as well jump into the canal. What difference does it make?
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Oh, how can you say that?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Every life has meaning.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21Not mine. I wanted to be somebody.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24"Mr Khan, they all know me."
0:16:25 > 0:16:27I was just kidding myself.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28I'm a nobody.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31I should never have moved to Sparkhill.
0:16:33 > 0:16:35What if you never did?
0:16:35 > 0:16:36What?
0:16:36 > 0:16:41I'm going to show you what Sparkhill would be like without you.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45SHE CHANTS
0:16:45 > 0:16:49SHE ULULATES
0:16:50 > 0:16:52And they say Muslims are weird.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Well, what do you think? - About what?
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Sparkhill, as it would be if you'd never moved here.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- Right, you do realise it's all the same.- Is it?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08- Yes.- Is it, though? - Yes, it is, though.
0:17:09 > 0:17:12Hang on, where is Tasty Fried Chicken?
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Ah-ha, you see?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Without you here, they've gone out of business.
0:17:19 > 0:17:23Sparkhill without a chicken shop, has the world gone mad?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25And look over there.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- That should be Mr Ali's Cash And Carry.- He's gone, too.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33But what about my cheap toilet rolls?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Without the amount you buy, he's gone out of business, as well.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41What's going on? Is this some kind of trick?
0:17:41 > 0:17:47I told you, this is a version of Sparkhill where you never existed.
0:17:50 > 0:17:51Riaz!
0:17:51 > 0:17:54It's me. Your old friend, Mr Khan.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58What are you doing? Muslims don't drink!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I lost my faith a long time ago.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03But you're the funeral director at the mosque.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Wow...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08That's what I should have done. Where were you 25 years ago?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Right, just stop messing around, huh,
0:18:10 > 0:18:12and just tell this crazy woman that you know me.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- I've never met you before in my life.- Has she paid you to do this?
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Stop lying!- Keep back!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I wear Hai Karate.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Riaz!
0:18:29 > 0:18:32I realise it's a lot for you to take in.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34This can't be real. This is just a dream.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Do I look like a dream to you?
0:18:38 > 0:18:39Ow!
0:18:39 > 0:18:42- So you're really an angel? - Angel-in-waiting.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45But why did they send you to me? You do know I'm Muslim?
0:18:45 > 0:18:46Oh, that's OK.
0:18:46 > 0:18:51We're all mixed up together up there - Christians, Muslims, Jews.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53Turns out we were all right.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56- What about the Hindus? - Ah, no, I'm afraid not.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I knew it!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02We're just one big, happy family.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05We do each other's festivals and everything.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Christmas, Eid, Rosh Hashana...
0:19:08 > 0:19:10How's that working out for you?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Ramadan's pretty tough.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Now, close your eyes. There's one more thing I want you to see.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- But this is just a community centre. - Is it, though?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20Yes, it is, though!
0:19:24 > 0:19:26You can open them now.
0:19:28 > 0:19:29What do you think?
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Is this...
0:19:31 > 0:19:32..heaven?
0:19:33 > 0:19:35No, it's a pound shop.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37It looks like heaven to me!
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Trust me, heaven's nothing like this.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43So what happened to the community centre?
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Without you, Mr Khan, there is no community centre.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47What?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51Well, for 25 years, you were the one constant in that place.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Mosque managers, caretakers, they all came and went.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57But you were always there.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Well, I am the only one who knows how to fiddle the electric meter.
0:20:01 > 0:20:03You kept that place going.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05And they still never named the place after me.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08But without you, it didn't survive.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11It was bought up by some greedy businessman.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Oi, you two, buy something or clear off.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Ha-ha, hello, Dave!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17It is Dave, isn't it?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20That's right. Dave Prentice. This is my shop.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Ha! Are you the greedy businessman?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Yes.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Ginger Dave!
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Are you taking the ginger biscuit?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I find that term offensive.
0:20:32 > 0:20:36Chill-ax, Davey. It's just a bit of banter between friends.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I'm not your friend.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40Keith!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Oh, Keithy! My next door neighbour.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47AS KEITH: Salman I like him, Mr Khan.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Sorry?
0:20:49 > 0:20:51We're not neighbours.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55The house next door to me has been left to rot for 25 years.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59How dare you? Anyway, you're the one who put the wallpaper up.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Buy something or clear off.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Keith!
0:21:06 > 0:21:09Excuse me, sir. How much is this?
0:21:11 > 0:21:13HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:21:13 > 0:21:14One pound.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Oh...!
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Erm, what about this?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21That's one pound, too.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24Everything's a pound. It's a pound shop.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27I never thought of that. Thank you, sir.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29That's OK, Amjad.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31At least you know who I am.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33No, I...I did think I do.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Yes, you do. You just call me sir. You always call me sir.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39Mummy says it's polite to call people sir.
0:21:39 > 0:21:43Amjad, hurry up. We can't be seen in here.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46Let's go before anyone recognises us.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49I see you haven't changed. You're still the same, huh.
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Amjad's not the same, though.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56He looked up to you.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59Now he's stuck at home with his mother.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01He'll survive. They all will.
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Hello, sweetie.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Oh...
0:22:09 > 0:22:11- Hello. - So you know who I am?
0:22:11 > 0:22:15Of course I know who you are. We were married, weren't we?
0:22:15 > 0:22:16Were?
0:22:16 > 0:22:20- Well, it was 25 years ago.- I know. It was the happiest day of my life.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Oh, mine, too.
0:22:22 > 0:22:27And then you got a briefcase and became a proper businessman.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29I always wanted to be a proper businessman.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31And then you went off on your business trips
0:22:31 > 0:22:33and stayed away for weeks in five-star hotels.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36These five-star hotels,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40did they have infinity pools and executive suites?
0:22:40 > 0:22:41Idiot!
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- And then one day you never came back.- What?
0:22:44 > 0:22:47And that was the end of it. Since then, it's just been me and my mum.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- But what about our children? - What children?
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Alia and Shazia. - Who?
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Don't you see, Mr Khan?
0:22:54 > 0:22:56They never existed.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Oh, it can't be.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01And we had grandchildren, too.
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Little Mo and Baby Nadia.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06- I don't know what you're talking about.- Sweetie, tell me...
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Tell me this isn't real.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10Tell me you're still my little gulab jamun.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11Stay away from me.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15You made your choice. You left me and you left Sparkhill.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17Come on, Mum.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19No... Wait!
0:23:20 > 0:23:21Come back!
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Come back!
0:23:24 > 0:23:26I want to live in Sparkhill!
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I want to live in Sparkhill!
0:23:29 > 0:23:33I want to live in Sparkhill! I want to live in Sparkhill!
0:23:33 > 0:23:34- Mr Khan... - I want to live in Sparkhill!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Mr Khan... Are you OK?
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Riaz?
0:23:39 > 0:23:43- I fished this out of the canal.- Have you seen a woman, about this tall?
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Hang on...you know my name.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48You're Mr Khan. They all know do.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50And this is Sparkhill?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53Sparkhill with a chicken shop and a community centre
0:23:53 > 0:23:55- and a cash-and-carry? - Yes.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57And Mrs Khan...
0:23:57 > 0:23:59and Alia
0:23:59 > 0:24:00and the other one?
0:24:00 > 0:24:01Yes.
0:24:01 > 0:24:06And you're a big, fat Muslim undertaker?
0:24:06 > 0:24:07- OK.- Oh, Riaz.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Don't take this the wrong way...
0:24:11 > 0:24:13..but I love you!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Sparkhill!
0:24:19 > 0:24:20Yeah!
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Hello, Sparkhill!
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Merry Christmas, Mr Ali's Cash-And-Carry!
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Woohoo!
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Merry Christmas, my Pakistani people!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Woohoo!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Merry Christmas, Tasty Fried Chicken!
0:24:38 > 0:24:43Make mine a bargain bucket and six extra hot wings!
0:24:44 > 0:24:45Whoa!
0:24:45 > 0:24:46Argh!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Watch it!
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Merry Christmas, everyone!
0:25:02 > 0:25:04I should have let him go and get his silly award.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06What if he's done something stupid?
0:25:06 > 0:25:10If he's not coming back, can I have his chair?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Is that all you can think of? - No, you're right.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Can I had his footstool, too?
0:25:16 > 0:25:18I'm back!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Oh, buggers!
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Where have you been? We've all been so worried.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Well, some of us have.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I've been...getting Christmas presents.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29You stupid, stupid man!
0:25:29 > 0:25:32How could you go off like that? We called and called.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34What on earth were you thinking of? Why...?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Oh!
0:25:41 > 0:25:44Well, I think that covers everything.
0:25:45 > 0:25:47I'm so glad to be back...
0:25:48 > 0:25:50..with all my family.
0:25:50 > 0:25:53My lovely, beautiful daughter Alia.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58And other daughter...Shazia.
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Also lovely and beautiful.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04And Amjad's here, too.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08I love you all.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11And I wouldn't change a thing about any of you.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- Shall I cook us something? - No, thank you.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16DOORBELL RINGS
0:26:16 > 0:26:17Who's that?
0:26:17 > 0:26:22- I ordered us a Tasty Fried Chicken for us on the way home.- Yeah!
0:26:22 > 0:26:24I come bearing wings!
0:26:25 > 0:26:27What an angel.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34Here you are.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- Now, give me a nappy to change. - You don't have to do that.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38No, but I want to.
0:26:38 > 0:26:39I love poop.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Lovely, lovely poopy!
0:26:42 > 0:26:46He's just doing all this so he can go to Buckingham Palace tomorrow.
0:26:46 > 0:26:48No, I'm not, you great big biscuit barrel!
0:26:51 > 0:26:54There's only one palace I want to be in.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56And I'm standing in it right now,
0:26:56 > 0:26:58right here, in Sparkhill.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03And so our story ends happily for Mr Khan,
0:27:03 > 0:27:08who spent another lovely poopy Christmas with his family.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12You know, this is the best Christmas ever.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15I've learned...
0:27:15 > 0:27:19that people you love are all that matters.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21And in our own small way...
0:27:21 > 0:27:25we can all make a difference in this world.
0:27:25 > 0:27:28- Isn't that right?- A doggy!
0:27:30 > 0:27:32Exactly.