0:00:02 > 0:00:04This is one of busiest airports in Europe.
0:00:04 > 0:00:08Over 40 million passengers pass through every year.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11Our cameras have spent six months following the lives
0:00:11 > 0:00:13of the people who work here,
0:00:13 > 0:00:15from the staff at the check-in desk...
0:00:15 > 0:00:17- Where are you flying to?- Bangkok.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Bangkok, you dirty bugger. Right, let's see.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23..to the cabin crew at 32,000 feet...
0:00:23 > 0:00:24Chicken or turkey? Chicken or turkey?
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- What's your vegetarian option? - Chicken.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29..and even the airline owners themselves.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32'Toilets take up too much space on plane.'
0:00:32 > 0:00:36If it is an hour flight, two hours to Rome, to Paris,
0:00:36 > 0:00:38you can hold it in.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39So sit back,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41fasten your seat belts
0:00:41 > 0:00:44and Come Fly With Me.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20How old are you girls? You all over 16, yes?
0:01:20 > 0:01:25Omar Baba is the flamboyant owner of low-cost airline FlyLo.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27'God gave me a mission.'
0:01:27 > 0:01:32He come to me and he say, "Omar, I have chosen you to bring
0:01:32 > 0:01:34"low-cost air travel to flights within Europe
0:01:34 > 0:01:37"and some selected routes across the Atlantic."
0:01:37 > 0:01:41And I said to him, "I will not let you down, Mr God."
0:01:41 > 0:01:46Omar is one of Britain's most high-profile businessmen,
0:01:46 > 0:01:48but today he has woken up
0:01:48 > 0:01:50to find himself in the middle of a PR disaster.
0:01:50 > 0:01:51Why?
0:01:51 > 0:01:55I have not had plane crash since Tuesday.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57There have been allegations in the morning papers
0:01:57 > 0:02:00that FlyLo planes have been flying without life jackets,
0:02:00 > 0:02:02but Omar is quick to respond.
0:02:02 > 0:02:06This seat, life jacket. This seat, life jacket.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09This seat, life jacket.
0:02:09 > 0:02:10This seat...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12life jacket soon.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14This seat, life jacket.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16And what's more,
0:02:16 > 0:02:20I've made it easier than ever for passengers to use the life jackets.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22I'll show you.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24HE GRUNTS
0:02:24 > 0:02:27OK, we are on our holidays.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Suddenly, plane falls into sea. Kaboom!
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Plane is now filling with water.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36"Aah! Aah! Help me!" Not a problem.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Simply reach under your seat.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40HE GRUNTS
0:02:40 > 0:02:43HE EXHALES Hey!
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"Do you want to purchase life jacket?"
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Yes. "Swipe card and enter pin." OK.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55"Would you like priority disembarkation?"
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Erm...yes.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00"Purchase whistle?" Yes.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01"Add to cart."
0:03:01 > 0:03:03Total, £60.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Life jacket is now mine for 20 minute.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09After 20 minute, it deflates automatically
0:03:09 > 0:03:12and I simply swim back into plane and pay for more.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Is good, no?
0:03:19 > 0:03:22Is quite tight around neck.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Fearghal works for one of FlyLo's rivals,
0:03:25 > 0:03:28the low cost Irish airline Our Lady Air...
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- Morning.- ..and aviation runs in his family.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Hi. 'There's ten of us,'
0:03:34 > 0:03:35ten boys.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39We're all gay - except Finbar, who's bi - and we're all cabin crew.
0:03:39 > 0:03:43That's right, we're all flyers. Everyone in my family flies.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45Except my mother, she's never flown.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Well, she's never not been pregnant.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Turn the phone off, please.
0:03:49 > 0:03:53One of Fearghal's duties is to prepare the passengers for take-off,
0:03:53 > 0:03:55however young they may be.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Oh, hello!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Look at you! What a cutie!
0:03:58 > 0:04:02- He's just three months. - Oh, he's beautiful.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I love babies. Used to be one myself. HE CHUCKLES
0:04:05 > 0:04:08Look at you, eh? Your wee chubby cheeks.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Can I hold him for a bit?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Yeah, if you'd like.- Yeah, yeah.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Oh, look at you, eh?
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Who's a handsome wee fella?
0:04:16 > 0:04:17Look at you, eh?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I just need to put him in the overhead locker.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Madam, I've told you before, turn that phone off, please.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32The FlyLo Check-in girls are the glamorous face of the airline...
0:04:32 > 0:04:37- Hello, madam.- ..and 22-year-old Melody Baines is no exception.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43I hope you don't mind me saying, madam, but I couldn't help noticing you are quite old.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- Well, yes.- So I wondered if you wanted to take advantage
0:04:47 > 0:04:50- of our speedy boarding scheme? - What's that?
0:04:50 > 0:04:53There are no reserved seats on this flight so you pay an extra £20
0:04:53 > 0:04:57- and you can board the plane before anyone else.- Do I need to do that?
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I'd hate to see you trampled underfoot.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02'Some passengers do resent the extra charges,'
0:05:02 > 0:05:08but just last week we did lose an elderly gentleman in a stampede.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10All that was left was a shoe.
0:05:10 > 0:05:11'Oh, I don't seem to'
0:05:11 > 0:05:14have any speedy boarding passes to hand.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16One moment, please.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17PHONE RINGS
0:05:17 > 0:05:20FlyLo Check-in, Keeley speaking.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21- 'Hi.'- Who's calling, please?
0:05:21 > 0:05:25- Melody.- Hi, Melody. Is this about the speedy boarding passes?
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Yeah, I seem to have run out. Have you got any spares?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Yeah, I'll just get one over to you as soon as I can.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32- OK, bye.- Bye.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Shouldn't be a mo.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46Excuse me, madam, can you pass this over to my colleague, please?
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Thanks, love.
0:05:50 > 0:05:54- There you are, madam, one speedy boarding pass.- Thank you.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Do you sell many of these?- Yes!
0:05:56 > 0:05:58Today we've sold one to every passenger on the flight.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Next, please.
0:06:01 > 0:06:06As with any airport, security is the number one priority.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Obviously, safety of passengers is of paramount importance.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12Some passengers do complain about being patted down.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14'They feel it's an invasion of privacy,
0:06:14 > 0:06:18'but thorough physical checks are a reality of modern air travel.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21'I don't like it, but unfortunately it is absolutely necessary.'
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- ALARM BEEPS - Stop. Put your arms up, please.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33OK, next.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Happy flighting, happy flighting. - Thank you.- Enjoy the flight.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41Moses looks after first and business-class passengers for Great British Air.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Today, he has some bad news to impart.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Something very regrettable happened.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52We have a female lady passengeress on a connecting flight.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56Her King Charles spaniel, Coco, was travelling in the hold.
0:06:56 > 0:07:00We had a heating malfunction and he froze solid.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03I've just seen him, he's like a giant dog-lolly
0:07:03 > 0:07:06and it's my job to tell her what's happened.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Mrs Ross?- Yes.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12My name is Moses.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16I'm the Executive Passenger Liaison Officer for the airline.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19- Are the flight attendants looking after you OK?- Yes, thank you.
0:07:19 > 0:07:22Have you been offered a small glass of fresh orange juice
0:07:22 > 0:07:26- and a complimentary browse of the Daily Mail?- Yes, thank you.- Good.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35The flight time to Geneva is 2 hours and 20 minutes
0:07:35 > 0:07:37so it shouldn't be too bad.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44The weather is clear and bright, no chance of showers,
0:07:44 > 0:07:47if you'll pardon the pun.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Everything is fine.
0:07:52 > 0:07:53How's Coco?
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Fine! Fine.
0:07:55 > 0:07:59Even better than fine. Great! Wonderful!
0:07:59 > 0:08:05Barking away and eating a big bowl of food for dogs and...
0:08:05 > 0:08:08- Couldn't be more alive.- I've got a lovely photo of him on my phone.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Ah, he was so cute.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13IS so cute! What am I saying?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Well, I hope you have a very pleasant journey with us today
0:08:17 > 0:08:20and we look forward to seeing you again very soon. Dog.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Sorry?- Nothing.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24Take care, Mrs Ross.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Happy flighting.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31(I couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell her.)
0:08:31 > 0:08:35'Ladies and gentleman, please fasten your seat belts. We have been cleared for take-off.'
0:08:35 > 0:08:37ENGINES ROAR
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Come through. ALARM BEEPS
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Stop. Arms.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Right.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59ALARM BEEPS Right. Stop. Arms.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- Excuse me?- Yes?- Can I have a word?
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I'm just patting down this gentleman.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Can I see some ID?
0:09:13 > 0:09:14I haven't got any ID.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17You don't work here, do you?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27It's 11.00am
0:09:27 > 0:09:32and Great British Air Flight 587 from Nice has just landed.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Airport paparazzi Mickey and Buster
0:09:35 > 0:09:39have received a tip-off that a world-famous singer is on board.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41We just heard Geri Halliwell's
0:09:41 > 0:09:43going to be landing in a few minutes.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45She's flying in from the old south of France.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48Hopefully, she'll have her daughter, Bluebottle, with her.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Takes a lovely picture, Geri.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52You'll always sell a picture of Geri Halliwell.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Same with all the Spice Girls, innit?
0:09:54 > 0:09:58Yeah. Obviously, a picture of Posh Spice will fetch the most,
0:09:58 > 0:09:59then it's Geri,
0:09:59 > 0:10:01then it's the black one, then Emma Bunton.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05- Probably wouldn't bother with the lezzie one.- Wouldn't bother at all.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Thing about the Spice Girls, they had great music, didn't they?
0:10:08 > 0:10:09I miss the Spice Girls.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12They were the Atomic Kitten of their day.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13I loved their songs.
0:10:13 > 0:10:14# If you wanna be my dum dum
0:10:14 > 0:10:16# You gotta get with my dum... #
0:10:16 > 0:10:19# Stop right now Thank you very dum
0:10:19 > 0:10:22# I need some loving with a human dum... #
0:10:22 > 0:10:25# Mama, dum dum dum
0:10:25 > 0:10:28# Mama, dum du-um... #
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Oh, I'm welling up.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33# Mama, dum dum dum
0:10:33 > 0:10:35# Mama, dum dum... #
0:10:35 > 0:10:37Oh, bollocks, we've missed her.
0:10:37 > 0:10:42Taaj is one of FlyLo's roving ground crew.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Today he's on buggy duty.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46'I've got wheels today, isn't it?'
0:10:46 > 0:10:50I get to just cruise round. I don't got to walk nowhere, you get me?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53I just like to drive my buggy, man, it's the coolest.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I've got my sounds on, I've got my bitches in the back.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- MUSIC BLARES Ladies, you watch Pimp My Ride?- No.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Man, I'm telling you,
0:11:00 > 0:11:03it would be so sick if I got this buggy on Pimp My Ride.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Get that Tim Westwood to strip out the inside, yeah,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09put in a Maserati engine, fit it up with the fattest tyres
0:11:09 > 0:11:12and then install one of them special hydraulic suspension
0:11:12 > 0:11:14so that the whole machine really bounces, yeah?
0:11:14 > 0:11:17But unfortunately I am unable to do that
0:11:17 > 0:11:20as the vehicle is the property of the UK Aviation Authority.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24OK, bitches, the pussy wagon has arrived!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25- Out you get.- Thank you.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28'I'm telling you, man, when the ladies see me in this,'
0:11:28 > 0:11:30they is gonna think I'm the coolest
0:11:30 > 0:11:33cos this is like the ultimate fanny magnet, you get me?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35You get me? You do get me?
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Is of paramount importance that you get me.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39You get me? You have me got? Good.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Ian Foot is the airport's Chief Immigration Officer.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48As an immigration officer,
0:11:48 > 0:11:53I am the first line of defence of this country's borders.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58And, yes, I have been accused of being a racist.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02But if being highly suspicious of all foreigners makes you a racist,
0:12:02 > 0:12:07then, yeah, I mean, sure, lock me up and throw away the key.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Today, a question mark has arisen
0:12:09 > 0:12:13over the authenticity of a passenger's passport.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16Now, the reason you are being detained here
0:12:16 > 0:12:19is we're not satisfied you're travelling on your own passport.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22According to your passport, your name is Jennifer.
0:12:22 > 0:12:26You were born in Hampshire in 1998.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30That would make you a 12-year-old girl.
0:12:32 > 0:12:35There you go. That's gate 11, OK? Who's next, please?
0:12:35 > 0:12:36Meanwhile, back at Check-in,
0:12:36 > 0:12:39it's a very special day for this happy couple.
0:12:39 > 0:12:40Where are you flying to today?
0:12:40 > 0:12:42- Disneyland!- Los Angeles.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44We're getting married in Disneyland!
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Ah, congratulations!- Yeah, thanks. - Just need to ask you
0:12:47 > 0:12:51some security questions. Did you pack the cases yourselves?
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Yes, we did.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Unfortunately, we didn't receive any help from the seven dwarves.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Do your bags contain any sharp objects?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01No, only the bare necessities. 'We both love Disney,'
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- don't we, Geoff?- It's all right.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05We've brought a personal DVD player
0:13:05 > 0:13:08- so we can watch The Aristocats on the flight.- We watched that last night.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11But you have to watch The Aristocats more than once
0:13:11 > 0:13:14to appreciate the nuances. It's a great film.
0:13:14 > 0:13:17I shouldn't really like it because I am actually allergic to cats.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18She comes out in a rash.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22But luckily these are cartoon cats so they never come out the screen.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25When Bambi's mother died, I cried for a fortnight.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27I'm not putting myself through that again.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Look, can we go in there, in case they've got something Disney?
0:13:30 > 0:13:31It's a chemist.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34They might have some Winnie The Pooh panty pads. Come on.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Why do I like Disney so much?
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Hmm, probably because I'm quite thick.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Hi, can I get a latte, please?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I'm sorry, my love, we got no coffee.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47You need to go to Terminal Two. They've got a Starbuck there.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Precious is one of the airport's most familiar faces,
0:13:50 > 0:13:54having worked at this coffee kiosk for over 20 years.
0:13:54 > 0:13:59- But today, she's having to close early.- Well, we got no coffee.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01PRECIOUS LAUGHS
0:14:01 > 0:14:03We're a coffee shop and we got no coffee.
0:14:03 > 0:14:05Me arrive here this morning to find
0:14:05 > 0:14:07a big tin of coffee mysteriously disappeared.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11We got cup, we got spoon, we got milk, we got sugar,
0:14:11 > 0:14:15we got water, we got fire, but we got no coffee.
0:14:15 > 0:14:19The Lord in his Almighty wisdom has decided to take the coffee from us
0:14:19 > 0:14:23'so me got no option but to close early. Closed.'
0:14:23 > 0:14:26In a way, it is a blessing because me got craving
0:14:26 > 0:14:29to go McDonald's and get meself McEgg McMuffin.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32Praise the Lord for his 99p breakfasts!
0:14:32 > 0:14:36# Give me oil in my lamp Keep me burning
0:14:36 > 0:14:39# Give me oil in my lamp, I pray
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# Give me oil in my lamp Keep me burning
0:14:43 > 0:14:47# Keep me burning till the break of day. #
0:14:48 > 0:14:50After a difficult morning,
0:14:50 > 0:14:55Moses is looking forward to greeting a very special passenger,
0:14:55 > 0:14:5792-year-old Hetty Wolf.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59I love looking after the elderly.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02I love hearing their stories, I love hearing about the old days,
0:15:02 > 0:15:04and if you spend enough time with old people,
0:15:04 > 0:15:06you eventually get used to the smell.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Hello there, Mrs Wolf. My name is Moses Beacon.
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Let me take that for you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13My name is Hetty Wolf.
0:15:13 > 0:15:18I'm 92 years old and I have never flown before.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I've never been on an aeroplane, so today is a very big day.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26I'm going to Florida to visit my son Michael, who is a doctor.
0:15:26 > 0:15:28My son is a doctor.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31After accompanying Mrs Wolf through Security,
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Moses is keen to help in any way he can.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Right, do you need anything from Duty Free?
0:15:37 > 0:15:43Yes, I'd like to buy a birthday present for my grandson, Jonathan.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- He will be 12 on Tuesday.- Lovely! What would you like to get him?
0:15:47 > 0:15:49200 Lambert & Butler.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54Right. Well, I'll pop and get those for you.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Have you got any cash on you?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- Hmm?- For the cigarettes?
0:15:58 > 0:16:00No, I put my money in the suitcase.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03You put your money in your suitcase?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Yes, I thought this is what you are supposed to do.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07I have never flown before.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Well, Moses Beacon likes to go the extra mile
0:16:14 > 0:16:18so I'll buy them for you and you can pay me back when you fly home.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- How about that?- Yes,
0:16:20 > 0:16:22if I remember.
0:16:22 > 0:16:28- Oh, I would also like to buy him two bottles of Bell's Whisky.- Right.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Large!
0:16:32 > 0:16:33'Oh, Mrs Wolf,'
0:16:33 > 0:16:36she's quite a character, if you'll pardon the pun.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38She's had me running hither and thither and...
0:16:38 > 0:16:41Hurry up! We need to go to Hermes.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46With the morning flights on their way, FlyLo check-in girls
0:16:46 > 0:16:49Melody and Keeley are on their lunch break.
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- How's it going with your boyfriend? - Which one?
0:16:51 > 0:16:53- Craig.- Black Craig or white Craig?
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- White Craig.- He's in prison.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- What for?- Beating up black Craig.
0:16:58 > 0:17:03But check-in boss Helen is about to impart some important news.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Hi, girls. Have you got a minute?
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- Can it wait?- We're still on lunch. - I've got some news for you.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I'm pregnant.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Oh, congratulations!
0:17:13 > 0:17:17- Oh, aye, I'm dead made up for yous. - What are you, seven months gone?
0:17:17 > 0:17:19No, no, no, I'm three months.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Was it artificial insemination?- No!
0:17:21 > 0:17:23Not a gay guy with a turkey baster?
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- No, it was the normal way, with my husband.- You've got a husband?!
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- Just goes to show, not all men are obsessed with looks.- Yeah.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Right, well, I'm going to be taking maternity leave soon
0:17:33 > 0:17:35so I guess one of you two will be asked
0:17:35 > 0:17:37to take over as Check-in Manager.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40Catch you later.
0:17:43 > 0:17:44'Me and Keeley are bezzy mates.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46'Yeah, we're like sisters.'
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Yeah, she's like me much older sister.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Yeah, what she means is,
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I did actually start at FlyLo a week before she did,
0:17:52 > 0:17:55so I imagine Helen'll be putting me up for the promotion.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Or they may go for a much younger, fresher face.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Whatever happens, I know we'll always remain bezzy mates.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- In a way, I think you should get it. - You should get it.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05- No, you should get it. - You should get it.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- You should get it. - You should get it.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- She should get it. - You should get it.- You should get it.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12OK.
0:18:12 > 0:18:17Simon and Jackie Trent are Britain's first husband-and-wife pilot team.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19Set heading zero nine two.
0:18:19 > 0:18:20Heading zero nine two set.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23- Set speed four seven zero. - Speed four seven zero.- Set...
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- I haven't finished setting the speed yet, Simon.- Sorry, I thought...
0:18:27 > 0:18:29Can we just do one thing at a time, please?
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- Yeah.- Right, the speed is set.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34I've been flying commercially for 15 years
0:18:34 > 0:18:35and Jackie was a dental nurse.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Dental hygienist! There is a difference.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40You do know that, Simon. He does know that.
0:18:40 > 0:18:45And then Jackie felt she wanted to retrain and become a pilot.
0:18:45 > 0:18:46He had an affair.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50He had an affair with one of the stewardesses.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52It wasn't an affair. It was a one-night thing.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55- That makes it worse.- How does that make it worse?- It just does.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I did what any woman would do.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00I spent five years retraining as a pilot
0:19:00 > 0:19:02and now I come on all the flights with him.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04We decided it was the best way forward.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08- YOU decided it...- Please don't undermine me all the time, Simon!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Yes, five years later, here I am, qualified as the First Officer
0:19:11 > 0:19:13and it saved our marriage.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16It's allowed us to trust each other again, hasn't it?
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Yup.
0:19:20 > 0:19:22Where are you going, Simon?
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- I'm just going to the toilet. - You went to the toilet over Norway.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28- That was an hour ago.- Who are you going to be talking to, Simon?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31Who are you going to be screwing in the toilet?!
0:19:33 > 0:19:35'Well, it's not always easy,
0:19:35 > 0:19:38'you know, living together, working together.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41'We have squabbles like any married couple.'
0:19:41 > 0:19:45Well, like any married couple when one of them's had an affair.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Well, I didn't know that, did I?
0:19:47 > 0:19:50This passenger is due to fly to Malaga for his sister's wedding,
0:19:50 > 0:19:52but there's a problem.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54He can't find his passport.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57- Well, I've got me Nectar Card. Any good?- Sorry, sir.
0:19:57 > 0:19:58It's clearly got my name on it.
0:19:58 > 0:20:02When you arrive without a passport, they'll send you straight back.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Even if I show them my Boots Advantage Card?- Sorry.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06- Blockbuster Video Card?- No.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Dudley Swimming Baths Pass?- Sorry.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09What if I get to Spain
0:20:09 > 0:20:12and get them to call Dudley Swimming Baths?
0:20:12 > 0:20:15The lady there can vouch for me and say, "Yeah, it's Neil."
0:20:15 > 0:20:18I'm sorry, sir, but you do need your passport.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20All right, all right, I get it.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Oh, hang on a sec.
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Thorpe Park Family Pass!
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Come on!
0:20:27 > 0:20:28'Well, this is madness.'
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Apparently you have to have a passport now
0:20:31 > 0:20:32to go to another country.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Excuse me, but I wasn't told.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35That's FlyLo for you, isn't it?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Happy to take your money, but forget your passport and that's that.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Hope you've all got your passports!
0:20:40 > 0:20:43Apparently you now need a passport to go abroad!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46I'm never flying FlyLo again! You couldn't pay me!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Found me passport. It was just in me pocket.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06- LIFT BELL RINGS - It's 4.00pm and Mrs Wolf's flight is ready for boarding...
0:21:06 > 0:21:10- Nearly there.- ..so Moses guides her to the departure lounge.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Young man, I'm very nervous
0:21:12 > 0:21:17about sitting in the middle of the plane or the back of the plane.
0:21:17 > 0:21:22I would be much happier sitting in the front of the plane,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24in first class.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27But you do have an economy-class ticket, Mrs Wolf.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Yes, but you tell them, you tell them that I have never flown before
0:21:31 > 0:21:33and I'm very nervous
0:21:33 > 0:21:38and they must put me in the first class with the free champagne.
0:21:38 > 0:21:42Unfortunately, it's not Great British Air policy to offer free upgrades.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yes, but you will tell them for me.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47I'll call my supervisor and see what I can do.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Yes, you do it now.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51Quickly!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57My son is a doctor.
0:21:57 > 0:22:02These two Japanese schoolgirls have flown almost 6,000 miles from Tokyo
0:22:02 > 0:22:04just to meet their idol.
0:22:04 > 0:22:08- We like Martin Clune. - We love Martin Clune.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11We seen him first in his show Men Badly.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15He so cute. We also see him in William and alongside him Mary.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17They're my best show.
0:22:17 > 0:22:20I like him in Doctor Martins, where he plays Doctor Martins.
0:22:20 > 0:22:24We found out on the Twitter that he landing here at this airport today!
0:22:24 > 0:22:26He number one star in Japan. All the girls love him.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29So we bring lots of gift for Martin Clunes.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Yeah, we show you.
0:22:30 > 0:22:34We bring official Martin Clune breakfast cereal, Clune Pops.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- I like him with long hair. - I like him with short hair.
0:22:37 > 0:22:42And we bring official Reggie Perrin lunchbox.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45And we bring a doll of Martin Clune for Martin Clune.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47'Konnichiwa, Martin Clunes.'
0:22:47 > 0:22:50And we have made up a song for Martin Clune. We do the song!
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- No, too shy, too shy. - No, we do the song, we do the song!
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- No, too shy, too shy! - No, we do it, we do it, we do it!
0:22:57 > 0:22:58OK, we do the song now.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00No, no, too shy, too shy, too shy.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03No, we do the song. We said we do the song, so we do the song.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08# Martin Clune, Martin Clune
0:23:08 > 0:23:11# Ying, ding, ding, ling Martin Clune... #
0:23:11 > 0:23:13ASUKA GRUNTS TUNELESSLY
0:23:16 > 0:23:18# Martin Clune
0:23:18 > 0:23:19# Martin Clune
0:23:19 > 0:23:20# Ying, ding, ding, ling
0:23:20 > 0:23:21# Martin Clune... #
0:23:21 > 0:23:24ASUKA GRUNTS TUNELESSLY
0:23:24 > 0:23:28ASUKA SPEAKS IN DEEP VOICE
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# Martin Clune, Martin Clune
0:23:30 > 0:23:33# Ying, ding, ding, ling Martin Clune. #
0:23:33 > 0:23:37ASUKA SHOUTS GRUFFLY
0:23:46 > 0:23:48Taaj is nearing the end of his shift,
0:23:48 > 0:23:52but there's one more thing he wants to do while he still has the buggy.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58- Hey, Lisa, does you want a ride? - It's all right, thank you.
0:23:58 > 0:23:59- Oh, go on.- No, I'm fine.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Oh, go on, babes, I got the wagon today, isn't it?
0:24:02 > 0:24:04Come on, get on the pussy wagon.
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Come on.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- LISA SIGHS - OK.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Wicked. So where do you want to go?
0:24:11 > 0:24:13- The check-in desk.- OK.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16TYRES SQUEAL
0:24:16 > 0:24:19- There you go.- Thank you.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Right.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24'That check-in girl is fit'
0:24:24 > 0:24:25and I well reckon she fancies me,
0:24:25 > 0:24:28but the journey wasn't quite long enough
0:24:28 > 0:24:30so I didn't get a chance to cop a feel.
0:24:30 > 0:24:35Back at Immigration, Ian's investigations are continuing.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Well, what I've done is I've taken a photo of our friend here.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41I've noticed there are a number of differences.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44In this photograph, he has a beard.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46In this photo, he does not.
0:24:46 > 0:24:47In this photo,
0:24:47 > 0:24:52the skin is dark in tone. In this photo, it's a lot paler.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54In this photograph, there is a man,
0:24:54 > 0:24:58whereas in this photograph, there is a little girl.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Also, the ears are different, so...
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Right, what I'm going to do,
0:25:05 > 0:25:08I'm going to let you in this time, but with a warning.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11You really do need to update your passport photograph.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15Take care, Jennifer.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20It's five o'clock and Precious is still at the airport.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24- Oh, hello, petal, how are you? - PRECIOUS LAUGHS
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I'm very good, thank you. I've had a very busy afternoon.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I've been to Dixon and bought an alarm clock radio
0:25:30 > 0:25:33for to listen to the Lord's song on a Sunday.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36I've been to W Smith because they've got a special deal on -
0:25:36 > 0:25:40OK, Now and Closer, three magazine for £2.95.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Praise the Lord for the multipack!
0:25:42 > 0:25:46And I've been to Past Time, but there's not very much there.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47It's mainly just shortbread.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Well, all this shopping has made me very tired so I just need to pick up
0:25:51 > 0:25:55some bath and shower gel and go home and have a bath and shower.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Thank you, Gerald.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00Take me now to Boot The Chemist, please.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Good man.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04# This little light of mine
0:26:04 > 0:26:06# I'm gonna let it shine... #
0:26:06 > 0:26:09Lavinia, your tights is falling down!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Thank you so much. Happy flighting.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Meanwhile at the departure gate, Moses is pulling out all the stops
0:26:17 > 0:26:20to get an upgrade for his elderly passenger.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23Mrs Wolf, I've just spoken to my supervisor
0:26:23 > 0:26:25and explained that it's your first ever flight,
0:26:25 > 0:26:27but he said there was nothing he could do,
0:26:27 > 0:26:31so what I've done is, I've used my own personal Airmiles
0:26:31 > 0:26:34and I've managed to get you an upgrade to first class.
0:26:36 > 0:26:37I'm eating.
0:26:44 > 0:26:48If you'd just like to wait here one second, Mrs Wolf.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- Right, now I've got your cigarettes and your whisky.- For my grandson.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54- Yes.- Not me.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58No. And the other things I put on my credit card for you,
0:26:58 > 0:27:01the Yves Saint Laurent scarf, the iPad
0:27:01 > 0:27:04- and the giant Toblerone.- Yes.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07And I'd just like to say from all of us here at Great British Air,
0:27:07 > 0:27:10we wish you a very happy first ever flight.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13- There we are.- Yes.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Bye-bye.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Happy flighting.
0:27:22 > 0:27:25Oh, I just remembered, I have actually flown before.
0:27:25 > 0:27:27Many times. Goodbye.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34If I ever see that woman again,
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I will kick her in the face.
0:27:38 > 0:27:41The sun sets on another day,
0:27:41 > 0:27:44but the airport never sleeps.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47What's your favourite live-action Disney film from the late '60s?
0:27:47 > 0:27:50Sue and Geoff had their wedding in Disneyland
0:27:50 > 0:27:53and consummated their marriage on the Peter Pan ride.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Basil The Great Mouse Detective was a fine movie, did you see that?
0:27:56 > 0:27:57It's not good.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00Simon and Jackie are still trying to patch things up.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02What's for dinner tonight?
0:28:02 > 0:28:03- Chilli con carne.- OK.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08I know you don't like it, but I do, so we're having it.
0:28:08 > 0:28:12And Martin Clunes heard his Japanese fans were waiting for him
0:28:12 > 0:28:15so had his plane diverted to RAF Northolt.
0:28:15 > 0:28:16NANAKO SNIFFLES
0:28:16 > 0:28:18ASUKA GRUNTS AND WAILS
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Why?! Oh...
0:28:41 > 0:28:44Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:44 > 0:28:47E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk