0:00:02 > 0:00:06This is our final look at life in one of Britain's busiest airports.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09On today's show, Taaj has to deal with some angry passengers.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12I've only got two sets of ears, isn't it?
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Penny has to work in Economy.
0:00:13 > 0:00:17OK, scum, duty-free time! Who wants booze and fags?
0:00:17 > 0:00:21And Fearghal consoles a passenger with a birthday.
0:00:21 > 0:00:2339. Oof! That is old.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27I couldn't imagine being 39. It's like 102 in gay years.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01It's 6am.
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Thank you, Mr Levatu. Enjoy your flight.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07And today is Keeley's first day as FlyLo Check-in Manager.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I need to buy a ticket to Guernsey, please.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- For today, sir? - 15.05?
0:01:11 > 0:01:12Certainly, sir.
0:01:12 > 0:01:16That will be £283.67 exactly.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19If you'd like to put your credit card in the slot.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Just put in your PIN number and there is your boarding pass.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24- Thank you. - For your information,
0:01:24 > 0:01:28all FlyLo flights to Guernsey have been suspended today due to industrial action.
0:01:28 > 0:01:29Next, please.
0:01:29 > 0:01:34Despite now being in charge, Keeley is having to man the desks on her own,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37as all of her staff have walked out on strike.
0:01:37 > 0:01:38A strike?!
0:01:38 > 0:01:41And word soon reaches Head Office.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43Well, what is the matter with these people?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I already pay them £2 an hour!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49Taaj has the unenviable task of having to tell disgruntled passengers
0:01:49 > 0:01:53that no FlyLo planes are taking off today.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Everybody, quiet down! I've only got two sets of ears, isn't it?
0:01:56 > 0:01:58What's happening with the flight to Marbella?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- It's cancelled. - And what about Lanzarote?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02- Cancelled. - What about the flight to Majorca?
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Cancelled. Because of the strike, all the flights is cancelled.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08I'm here with my wife and kids. This is our holiday.
0:02:08 > 0:02:11Thanks to you lot going on strike, you've ruined our holiday.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- No, boss, you ruined your holiday. - How do you work that one out?
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Because you was a cheapskate and you booked with a crap airline, isn't it?
0:02:18 > 0:02:19No!
0:02:19 > 0:02:23I'm 100% behind this strike. They needs to pay us more money
0:02:23 > 0:02:27because I'm still living at home with my parents, but I've got to move out
0:02:27 > 0:02:30because, like, last night, I was watching Transformers
0:02:30 > 0:02:34and I had it paused on the bit where Megan Fox is leaning over the car bonnet,
0:02:34 > 0:02:37and my mum walked in and she saw it and it was fully erect.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Although the strike has grounded all FlyLo planes,
0:02:40 > 0:02:43other airlines are operating as normal.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46On this Great British Air flight to Florida,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49Economy is packed, but First Class is deserted.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Well, it was going to be a quiet day anyway.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53We only had two passengers booked into First Class
0:02:53 > 0:02:58and the passengers in question have just cancelled, which is a dreadful shame.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- Hi, Penny. Did you get the message? - Yeah, such a pity they cancelled.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07No, the message about helping us out in Economy?
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Piss off!
0:03:10 > 0:03:15Penny hasn't had to work in Economy for 20 years.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17But today, she has no choice.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Ugh!
0:03:19 > 0:03:23PENNY: When you draw back the curtain, the first thing that really hits you
0:03:23 > 0:03:27is the stench, and it's the stench of the working man.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I mean, they're virtually like apes, you know.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31So if you come at them with some food...
0:03:31 > 0:03:32Arrrgh, arrrgh!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34..they start attacking you.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37Hot towel? Hot towel?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- Hot towel? - I'm all right, thanks.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- No, you should take a hot towel. - I don't want it.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- No, you need to take it. - I told you, no.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Right...here.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Urgh!
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Hot towel?
0:03:53 > 0:03:55It's 10am, and back down on the ground,
0:03:55 > 0:03:59the airport's flying school has a very nervous visitor.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01Would you like to come in now, please?
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Happy Burger employee Tommy is determined to follow his dream
0:04:05 > 0:04:07- of becoming a pilot. - Take a seat.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11And today, he has a make-or-break interview at the flying school.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14Right...name?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- Tommy. - Tommy what?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Tommy Reid.
0:04:18 > 0:04:19Age?
0:04:19 > 0:04:2120...
0:04:21 > 0:04:23- 20. - ..two.
0:04:23 > 0:04:2422?
0:04:24 > 0:04:27Aye.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28Current occupation?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Burgers.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33And what is your main responsibility?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, buns.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41Qualifications? Do you have any GCSEs?
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Well, you see, we don't have GCSEs in Scotland. We just have Standards.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Oh, I'm sorry, do you have any Standards?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47No.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Do you have any hobbies or interests?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- No. - Come on...
0:04:55 > 0:04:57you must be able to think of something.
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Oh...
0:04:58 > 0:04:59No.
0:05:02 > 0:05:04Finally, do you have any medical conditions
0:05:04 > 0:05:07that would prevent you from becoming a pilot?
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Fear of flying.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13I think it went really well.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15In fact, I dinnae think it could have gone much better.
0:05:15 > 0:05:19I wouldnae be surprised if they let me fly a plane tomorrow.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Oh, did I get it? - I'm sorry?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- Did I get it? - We'll write to you.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Oh, no, don't do that. I cannae read.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Think I got it.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36Meanwhile, Chief Immigration Officer Ian Foot is starting his shift.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38There are increasing
0:05:38 > 0:05:42numbers of people who want to come and live in this country,
0:05:42 > 0:05:44and that's because, let's be frank,
0:05:44 > 0:05:47it is the greatest country in the world.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51So to stem the tide of immigrants, I stop anyone with a foreign-sounding name.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Like Wong or Patel...
0:05:55 > 0:05:56or Murphy.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Today, Ian is interrogating a Polish man
0:05:59 > 0:06:02who has just arrived on a flight from Warsaw.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06Right, now the problem you have, Mr...
0:06:06 > 0:06:11Dubrovsky, is I believe it is your plan to work here illegally.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15- That is ridiculous. - Well, you say that, Mr...
0:06:15 > 0:06:16Dubrovsky.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20But there are increasing numbers of people in this country from Poland -
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Poles, Polacks, benefit cheats, call them what you will,
0:06:23 > 0:06:26who come over here, take our jobs and eat our cabbage.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30- That is very offensive. - I tell you what is offensive, Mr...
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Dubrovsky, is the floodgates being open to people like you.
0:06:33 > 0:06:37How do I know your plan is not to work here illegally as a plumber
0:06:37 > 0:06:40or a cleaner or a builder or a lap dancer?
0:06:40 > 0:06:41Because I already have a job here.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45During the day, maybe, Mr...
0:06:46 > 0:06:47..Dubrovsky.
0:06:47 > 0:06:48But how do I know, in the evenings,
0:06:48 > 0:06:51you're not going to be shaking your booty at Spearmint Rhino?
0:06:51 > 0:06:54Because I am the Polish Ambassador to the United Kingdom.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03What I'm going to do is I'm going to let you in this time
0:07:03 > 0:07:05and I wish you a pleasant stay.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10The way you've spoken about my countrymen is disgusting.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14I'm going to make a formal complaint about you. What is your name?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Sheila Bennett.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21I want to know the name of this gentleman who has just interviewed me.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23His attitude was absolutely outrageous.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Many people who pass through the airport require extra attention.
0:07:31 > 0:07:35And they are the responsibility of Corinne.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37My job is to greet people coming off the aircraft
0:07:37 > 0:07:41who have special needs. For example, today,
0:07:41 > 0:07:44I'm meeting an elderly gentleman who's flying in from Saudi Arabia
0:07:44 > 0:07:48who has mobility issues, and I'll be there to guide him through the airport,
0:07:48 > 0:07:53passport control, baggage reclaim and into his taxi as smoothly as possible.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Corinne has worked at the airport for five years.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02When I originally applied for this post, I was turned down.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06But it went to an industrial tribunal and I was given the job.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09But the airline now does have to employ someone to wheel me,
0:08:09 > 0:08:11and that person is Bob.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14I am Bob.
0:08:14 > 0:08:18Some people have suggested that I shouldn't have this job.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22But I say that those people are just being racist against disableds.
0:08:22 > 0:08:25I'm actually glad to be taking part in this documentary
0:08:25 > 0:08:29because if you think about it, how many disabled people are there on TV?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33David Blunkett, Stephen Hawking, Piers Morgan.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36Our Lady Air cabin crew member Fearghal is desperate
0:08:36 > 0:08:38to win the Steward of the Year Competition.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42But on today's flight to Barcelona, he's being less than attentive,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45as he's waiting for the nominations to be announced.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Well, you're not supposed to have your phone on during the flight.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50It can interfere with the aircraft's navigation system
0:08:50 > 0:08:52and could cause the plane to crash,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54but this is obviously a very important call.
0:08:54 > 0:08:57TANNOY: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for flying Our Lady Air.
0:08:57 > 0:09:01We're about to begin our descent so please fasten your seatbelts
0:09:01 > 0:09:02and say three Hail Marys.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Excuse me? - Yes?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08We've only been in the air 40 minutes. We can't be landing in Barcelona yet.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10No, we are. We're landing at Shannon, Barcelona.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Shannon, Barcelona? - That's right.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15But Shannon's in Ireland.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Yes, madam. In order to keep our fare prices competitive we do sometimes land
0:09:18 > 0:09:21at airports a little further away from the city centre.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24But we're landing in Ireland. That's nowhere near Barcelona.
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Oh, no, don't worry. A short coach transfer to your final destination
0:09:27 > 0:09:29is included in the price of your ticket.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Shannon to Rosslare, catch the ferry, down at Dover,
0:09:32 > 0:09:36over to Calais, through France, across the Pyrenees and into Barcelona
0:09:36 > 0:09:39- in time for your evening meal. - Which evening?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Tuesday. - That's absolutely...
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Excuse me, can you watch your language, please, madam? - I'm just...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46I don't want to have to use the restraints.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49PHONE RINGS Cor!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Hello? Hello?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Hel...?
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Can you turn the thrusters down? I can hardly hear!
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Thank you.
0:09:59 > 0:10:01Yes?
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Really? Well, that's fantastic news, thank you so much!
0:10:05 > 0:10:06I'll see you there!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Yes!
0:10:08 > 0:10:09- Excuse me? - Yes?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12You're not allowed to use mobile phones on an aeroplane. I could report you for that.
0:10:12 > 0:10:17Oh, really? Well, I've just been nominated for Steward Of The Year,
0:10:17 > 0:10:19so shove that up your fat arse.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Shepherd's pie or mushroom risotto?
0:10:23 > 0:10:25It's two hours into the flight to Florida,
0:10:25 > 0:10:30and Penny is struggling to come to terms with her new environment.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Urgh, don't touch me!
0:10:32 > 0:10:34The noise, the people.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37There's only one word to describe them. Savages.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39And I just poked my head in the lavatorium.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42It's positively medieval in there.
0:10:42 > 0:10:47Ladies and... People of cattle class, may I have your attention, please?
0:10:47 > 0:10:50I have just returned from an inspection
0:10:50 > 0:10:55of the on-board convenience, and one of you has left it in a revolting state.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Who didn't flush? Come on. Who didn't flush?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02It was someone who had the mushroom risotto.
0:11:02 > 0:11:04Hands up if you had the mushroom risotto.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06PENNY: This whole frightful situation
0:11:06 > 0:11:10would never occur in First Class. People in First Class don't forget to flush.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12They're very diligent flushers.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14And if they do, it doesn't matter
0:11:14 > 0:11:18because their stools are perfectly formed and odour-free.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21NARRATOR: It's midday, and back in the terminal the FlyLo strike
0:11:21 > 0:11:25is causing knock-on problems for coffee-kiosk employee Precious,
0:11:25 > 0:11:27who's having to close early.
0:11:27 > 0:11:28PRECIOUS: We got the coffee,
0:11:28 > 0:11:32we got the milk, we got the water, we got the fire, we got the sugar
0:11:32 > 0:11:34and we got the sweetener for our fat friend
0:11:34 > 0:11:36who is afflicted with the diabesity.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Praise be to Jesus, he died for our sins!
0:11:39 > 0:11:42But today, we got no customer.
0:11:42 > 0:11:45All them FlyLo staff is on strike.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48Them folk just lazy, lazy, lazy.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50They doesn't know what hard work is.
0:11:50 > 0:11:55I've been working at this kiosk, day in, day out, for 20 year now,
0:11:55 > 0:11:59and in that time, I sold over 100 cup of coffee.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02But today, this airport just empty
0:12:02 > 0:12:06so me got no option but to close early, which as you know, me hates to do.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Well, you know what they say.
0:12:08 > 0:12:12Them low-cost airlines is the work of the Devil.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Corinthians, chapter 2, verses 10 to 11.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Closed!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23NARRATOR: Over in Departures, Moses is collecting for charity.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25MOSES: As you may know, I do
0:12:25 > 0:12:28a lot of work behind the scenes for my charity, WishWings,
0:12:28 > 0:12:30if you'll pardon the pun.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Basically, it's free flights for very ill children.
0:12:34 > 0:12:38We take sick kids and we give them a break from being ill.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Well, I mean, they're still ill but they're on a plane.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43And I'm very excited because I'm actually releasing
0:12:43 > 0:12:47a charity single, which I'm hoping will be Christmas number one.
0:12:47 > 0:12:52It's a cover of the West Life classic, Flying Without Wings.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54And I've posted the video on YouTube.
0:12:54 > 0:12:57So I'll just show you that.
0:12:57 > 0:13:01(TUNELESSLY) # Everybody's looking for that something
0:13:03 > 0:13:08# One thing that makes it all complete
0:13:10 > 0:13:14# You'll find it in the strangest places
0:13:17 > 0:13:21# Places you never knew it could be... #
0:13:21 > 0:13:25I played all the instruments myself.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29I don't like to blow my own trumpet but I did actually blow my own trumpet!
0:13:29 > 0:13:33# ..And it's like flying without wings
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# Cos you're my special thing
0:13:36 > 0:13:41# I'm flying without wings... #
0:13:41 > 0:13:43I love you, Moses.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45I love you, child.
0:13:45 > 0:13:50# I'm flying without wings. #
0:13:55 > 0:13:57As you can see, it's already had seven hits
0:13:57 > 0:14:00so it's something of an internet phenomenon.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05Do I hope it brings my music to a wider audience? Yes.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Do I also hope it raises some money for sick children? Yeah.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11That would be a bonus.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13NARRATOR: Meanwhile, in Baggage Handling...
0:14:15 > 0:14:17..the strike is having an unexpected effect.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19JOHN: I'm all for going
0:14:19 > 0:14:22- on strike, me. - We don't work for FlyLo, Dad.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Yeah, but it's solidarity, though, innit, boy? With my FlyLo brothers.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28What about all those cases from Lufthansa?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Nah! Point of principle. Won't touch 'em.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Right, I'm off.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Where are you going? - I'm going home, boy!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Well, when you get home, can you do your washing-up?
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Nah, mate. I'm on strike, aren't I?
0:14:45 > 0:14:49It's lunchtime and the busy period for the airport pub,
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- run by Ray and Anne Wilkins. - Me and the wife
0:14:52 > 0:14:57used to run a lovely little country pub in Wiltshire, called The Yeoman's Rest.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59- A lovely pub, wasn't it, Ray? - Yeah.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01We used to live above it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04I'd do ploughman's during the week and then roast of a Sunday.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Beef, lamb or pork.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07It's very different now.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Now, to get to work, we have to park the car three mile away and get on a monorail.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13- Lamb was the most popular. - Yeah.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17My dream is to turn this place into more of a local.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20Hello, there! Usual, is it?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I've never been here before.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25I'm hoping people will love the atmosphere so much,
0:15:25 > 0:15:28they'll think, "Bugger the flight, I'm staying here."
0:15:28 > 0:15:30You've tried everything, though, ain't you, Ray?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Karaoke, stand-up comedy, Friday-night disco,
0:15:34 > 0:15:36badger-baiting.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40RAY: The trouble is, the longest anyone has ever stayed here is 12 minutes.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- NARRATOR: Over at Happy Burger... - TOMMY: I've got it!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51..Tommy's received a letter from the flying school.
0:15:51 > 0:15:52"Dear Tommy,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54"thank you for your application.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59"Unfortunately, you do not have the required...qualif...
0:15:59 > 0:16:02"qauli...quali..."
0:16:02 > 0:16:04- Qualifications. - "..qualitifications.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07"We wish you luck in the future."
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Sorry about that, Tommy.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Bad luck, Tommy.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18TOMMY: That's it. Never going to be a pilot.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20So I'm going to hand in my notice
0:16:20 > 0:16:23cos the only reason I was working here was to help me become a pilot.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I actually live 400 miles away.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I have to get seven buses in every morning.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Some days the traffic's so bad that I just have to stay here overnight
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and sleep on a bed of nuggets
0:16:33 > 0:16:36and use, like, a bun as a pillow.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40Back at the WishWings stall, there's an emergency.
0:16:40 > 0:16:44Moses has collapsed and the airport's paramedics waste no time
0:16:44 > 0:16:47in calling an ambulance.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50The children! The children! How are the children?!
0:16:50 > 0:16:52- Stay nice and relaxed. - I must help the children!
0:16:52 > 0:16:56As his colleagues fear the worst, Moses is rushed to hospital.
0:16:56 > 0:16:59(BLEEPING)
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I don't think I'm going to make it.
0:17:03 > 0:17:08All I care about is that my charity, WishWings, lives on.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10If you'll pardon the pun.
0:17:10 > 0:17:14And can you ask Elton John to sing at my funeral?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19Or, if he's not available, Leona Lewis.
0:17:23 > 0:17:28Over at Special Services, Corinne's helper Bob has hurt his back.
0:17:29 > 0:17:36With the FlyLo strike in full flow, no-one is manning the sales desk.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Typical.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41My first complaint is that there's no-one to complain to,
0:17:41 > 0:17:44which, in itself, is a pretty serious complaint.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Secondly, we have had - and I'm not going to beat about the bush -
0:17:48 > 0:17:50the holiday from hell.
0:17:50 > 0:17:54After last week's catastrophe, FlyLo recommended
0:17:54 > 0:17:57that we go to the little-known African island of Tubutu.
0:17:57 > 0:18:01It wasn't long before the dark art of voodoo raised its ugly head.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Yes, thank you, Peter.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05We landed at the airport and, within seconds,
0:18:05 > 0:18:07we were kidnapped by a voodoo tribe.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I thought, "We didn't sign up for this excursion
0:18:10 > 0:18:12"but, hey-ho, let's keep an open mind."
0:18:12 > 0:18:13We were taken to the jungle...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15All in good time, Peter.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17We were taken to the jungle and tied to a tree.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20In the process, they ripped my cagoule.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Night fell and the high priestess put a curse on Peter.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27She then produced a voodoo doll and manipulated Peter
0:18:27 > 0:18:31into impregnating all the young females of the tribe.
0:18:31 > 0:18:33There were 17 in total, virgins.
0:18:33 > 0:18:37There were 17 in total, all of them apparently virgins.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39It was abhorrent for me to watch
0:18:39 > 0:18:42and, if I know Peter, he would've found it deeply degrading.
0:18:42 > 0:18:44I was banging away till dawn.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- Peter, don't be so crude! - Sorry, Judith.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48He was rutting away till dawn.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Fortunately, after eight or nine hours, Peter was spent
0:18:51 > 0:18:55and the high priestess very kindly gave us a lift back to the airport.
0:18:55 > 0:19:00I must say, for as long as I live, I would never go back there.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02I would.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07It's 5pm and Ian Foot is clearing out his office.
0:19:07 > 0:19:10After a formal complaint by the Polish Ambassador,
0:19:10 > 0:19:13he has been suspended on full pay.
0:19:13 > 0:19:17I've come to expect this sort of thing. I was suspended a couple of years back.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20A gentleman in a wheelchair came through border control.
0:19:20 > 0:19:23He had a British passport but an American accent.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27So I asked him to step aside... Well, wheel aside.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Turned out it was Professor Stephen Hawking.
0:19:29 > 0:19:34But you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37Or indeed adding butter and seasoning.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40I bounced back from that and I'll bounce back from this.
0:19:40 > 0:19:46What I'll probably do now is go home, open a tin of soup, see what's on TV,
0:19:46 > 0:19:50and if I'm still feeling down this afternoon, I'll call a prostitute.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54Not a Polish one. A British one, obviously.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Also heading home is Tommy,
0:19:57 > 0:20:00who has just finished his final shift at Happy Burger
0:20:00 > 0:20:03and is bidding a fond farewell to the airport.
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Why haven't you got any clothes on, Tommy?
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Eh? I had to give the uniform back.
0:20:08 > 0:20:13Thing is, my foster mother always told me that if I didnae make it as a pilot,
0:20:13 > 0:20:16it was important to have something to fall back on.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18So I'm going to apply to become a spaceman.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Thank you very much, sir.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34It's been three hours since Moses was rushed to hospital.
0:20:34 > 0:20:38But to everyone's surprise, he's back at his stall.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42What happened was I blew too hard on a balloon, and I fainted.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46I think it's ironic that this happened while I was helping others.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48Maybe sometimes I give too much.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Anyway, at the hospital, I had a lot of test and scans,
0:20:51 > 0:20:55and the doctor said that from now on, I'm going to have to use one of these.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00And even that's quite strenuous.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07It's seven o'clock, and with the strike now crippling all FlyLo services,
0:21:07 > 0:21:12Omar Baba decides to tackle the ringleaders face to face.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Boy! Come!
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Because FlyLo doesn't pay us enough, isn't it? Yeah, yeah?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23Because we is working too many hours, isn't it? Yeah, yeah?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25We need to confront this Omar Baba
0:21:25 > 0:21:29and we need to tell him that we is not going to take it any more. You get me?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31- Yeah? You get me? - (SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT)
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Yeah? You get me? Yeah? You get me? Oh...um...oh...
0:21:35 > 0:21:40- Hello, Mr Baba. - Please...carry on.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Hmm?
0:21:42 > 0:21:46Oh, no, I wasn't doing anything. I was just listening to, um, some other people.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50In fact...in fact, it was her. She's actually quite a shit-stirrer.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Please...be seated.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00I am a humble man.
0:22:01 > 0:22:05When I started this airline, all I had was a dream...
0:22:05 > 0:22:09and £3.2 billion my father gave me.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13And now FlyLo is the UK's seventh favourite...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Eighth!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18..eighth favourite low-cost airline.
0:22:18 > 0:22:23To me, FlyLo is a family,
0:22:23 > 0:22:25and you are my children.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27I know you all by name...
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Pet-e.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Jane-et.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37And, ah, my oldest friend, Trainee. (CHUCKLES)
0:22:37 > 0:22:41How many times have we laughed together about the low-cost airline business, huh?
0:22:41 > 0:22:43(CHUCKLES)
0:22:43 > 0:22:44Ew.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46We are family.
0:22:46 > 0:22:47We must pull together.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51What is 18-hour shift between family, huh?
0:22:51 > 0:22:52(MURMURING)
0:22:52 > 0:22:56What is inadequate toilet facilities between family?
0:22:56 > 0:22:57ALL: Yeah!
0:22:57 > 0:23:00What is highly flammable uniforms between family?
0:23:00 > 0:23:04- ALL: Yeah! - Come on, be a family...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06and go back to work.
0:23:11 > 0:23:12OK!
0:23:12 > 0:23:15First thing tomorrow, have them all fired.
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Yes, sir.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19The big night has arrived,
0:23:19 > 0:23:22and Fearghal is about to find out if he's been named Steward of the Year.
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- Good luck, Fearghal. - Thank you.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28So, I get a call from my agent, who said,
0:23:28 > 0:23:30"Dale, would you present the Steward of the Year awards?"
0:23:30 > 0:23:34And I thought, "A room full of trolley dollies?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36"Too camp for me. No, thank you!"
0:23:36 > 0:23:40- (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) - That's good, a good gay joke.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Now, I know you have all been going wild in the aisles
0:23:42 > 0:23:44just to get your hands on this...
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- AUDIENCE: Ooh! - ..the fabulous golden trolley.
0:23:46 > 0:23:48So, here are your nominations.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51- Mary O'Mara... - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
0:23:51 > 0:23:55..Seamus O'Shaughnessy, Larry O'Leary,
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- Denise O'Donaghey... - (CHEERING)
0:23:58 > 0:24:00- ..and Fearghal O'Farrell. - Whoo!
0:24:00 > 0:24:02(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
0:24:02 > 0:24:06I haven't been this excited since Boots did a two-for-one on Fake Bake.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08(LAUGHTER)
0:24:08 > 0:24:10The winner is...
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- ..Fearghal O'Farrell... - Yes!
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Oh, thank you, God!
0:24:14 > 0:24:15..and Mary O'Mara!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- (CHEERING AND WHISTLING) - What?
0:24:17 > 0:24:22The judges have decided that this year it will be shared, which is wonderful,
0:24:22 > 0:24:24so Fearghal and Mary, come and join me!
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Well done. Congratulations.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30Oh, my God! Thank you so much for this award.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33You know what, I think it's great that it's being shared,
0:24:33 > 0:24:36because being cabin crew is all about teamwork.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39I just want to say thank you, guys, and I share this with you.
0:24:39 > 0:24:42(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Bullshit.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49(MURMURING)
0:24:49 > 0:24:52There's no way I'm sharing this award with her.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I scored 100% in those customer satisfaction forms.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58I know, because I filled in every one myself.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02I force-fed nuts to a man with a nut allergy and then saved his life,
0:25:02 > 0:25:05and I slept with the chairman of Our Lady Air.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07I'm having this. Thank you and good night.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09What's got into her(?)
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- Gay orange turd. - (SILENCE)
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Yeah, I really enjoyed the evening.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16The meal was very nice. It was good seeing Dale again.
0:25:16 > 0:25:17Had a wee bit of banter!
0:25:17 > 0:25:22I used to really respect you till you did those adverts for Cash My Gold.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Dale Winton, you've destroyed your legacy!
0:25:24 > 0:25:27And, of course, it was amazing to win the award.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30It's just a shame I ended up getting fired,
0:25:30 > 0:25:34and my career in the aviation industry is now in tatters.
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Question 41...
0:25:35 > 0:25:38At the pub, Ray has decided to host a quiz
0:25:38 > 0:25:42in a last-ditch effort to keep his customers for more than six minutes.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45..played his sidekick, George Carter?
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Don't shout it out, just write it down.
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- Question 42... - TANNOY: Final call for passengers...
0:25:52 > 0:25:55How many darts championships has Eric Bristow won?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58TANNOY: ..passengers for Amsterdam...
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Question 43.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Cockney duo Chas and Dave had four top-10 hits.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Can you name them?
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- TANNOY: ..flight to Barcelona... - Come back here.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08- Ray! - Where are you going?
0:26:08 > 0:26:09Ray, leave it!
0:26:09 > 0:26:13What nickname was given to the former England cricket captain Ian Botham?
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- Get off me, woman. - Ray, they've got a plane to catch.
0:26:16 > 0:26:19Which popular Irish broadcaster was the first presenter
0:26:19 > 0:26:21of the BBC One quiz show Blankety Blank?
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Who played Aunt Sally in Worzel Gummidge?
0:26:24 > 0:26:26How many years has EastEnders been running?
0:26:26 > 0:26:27Ray!
0:26:27 > 0:26:30Who wrote the Daily Mail cartoon strip, Fred Basset?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Ray!
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Which Carry On regular starred in Bless This House?
0:26:34 > 0:26:35Ray!
0:26:35 > 0:26:40Who played Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street?
0:26:41 > 0:26:45Which celebrity hairdresser married '60s songstress, Lulu?
0:26:45 > 0:26:50(GASPING) Which female tennis star famously dated Sir Cliff Richard?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58I think that went very well.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Night falls, and our series draws to a close...
0:27:06 > 0:27:08...but life goes on at the airport.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12Over at Special Services, things went from bad to worse...
0:27:14 > 0:27:18..Peter returned to Tubutu...alone...
0:27:18 > 0:27:21and Omar replaced his entire workforce with Vietnamese children.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Hello, sir.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25Enjoy your flight. Next, please.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk