0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08- Sorry, do you know where the tube is? - Straight up ahead, on your left.
0:00:08 > 0:00:10Straight up ahead on the left.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- Right. Got it.- Just up the road. - Thanks.
0:00:12 > 0:00:17- Is it up the road on the...? - Left.- Left.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21- You see that White City tube station there?- Yeah.- It's really obvious.
0:00:21 > 0:00:26Oh, yeah. It's found it. Thanks, thanks.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29Oh. So it's on the... left.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Oh, shit.
0:00:42 > 0:00:47Yeah. Yeah. Cheers. Hi, mate. Can I just get, like, a pint of...
0:00:47 > 0:00:50No, I'm sorry. We're leaving. I'm sorry, we're going.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52They've just been really rude to Sandra.
0:00:52 > 0:00:57- Just, like, a pint of bitter. - Danny! Danny, no!
0:00:57 > 0:00:59They've just been really rude to Sandra.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01I've only just got here...
0:01:01 > 0:01:03I'm sorry, no, but they've been really rude to Sandra.
0:01:03 > 0:01:07Get your coats on. We're going.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09I'm sorry. No. We're going.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14I'm sorry. No. We don't want any of those.
0:01:14 > 0:01:17I'm sorry, no. They've been really rude to Sandra.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- Sorry, what's actually happened here?- No, no, no.
0:01:20 > 0:01:23I'm not having it. No!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26ALL: # Happy birth... #
0:01:26 > 0:01:29I'm sorry, but they were really rude to Sandra.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Come on, Sandra.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36APPLAUSE
0:01:37 > 0:01:42And finally the grand jury prize goes to Claire
0:01:42 > 0:01:46for her utterly fabulous banoffee pie.
0:01:46 > 0:01:51Congratulations. Very well done. We all absolutely loved it.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53It was pretty much perfect.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56Gosh. Thank you. Really... Because...
0:01:56 > 0:02:00I would really appreciate any feedback
0:02:00 > 0:02:02just to help me in the future. Sorry.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05No, I don't think there's anything you could have done better.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08It's just... Sorry. I'd like some constructive criticism.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12In any area. I just really want to be a better baker. Sorry.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Well... Perhaps the base could have been a little crispier.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31SHE SOBS
0:02:33 > 0:02:36It's all gone to shit!
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Twatty little shit!
0:02:38 > 0:02:42I can't bake! I can't do anything!
0:02:42 > 0:02:46Oh, the base could have been a little bit crispier!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Kill me!
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Get it off me! Get it off me!
0:02:53 > 0:02:56I put too much butter in the base. I did it!
0:02:56 > 0:02:59I put too much butter in the base!
0:02:59 > 0:03:02Why?
0:03:02 > 0:03:04WHY?!
0:03:04 > 0:03:09So...that's just something to bear in mind the next time.
0:03:18 > 0:03:22Yeah, well, I think accounts are getting involved as well,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25so we should be full steam ahead by about Wednesday with any luck.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Oh, for eff's sake.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30Yeah, no, someone's taken my soya milk again.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33Absolutely ridiculous. I don't know why this keeps happening,
0:03:33 > 0:03:35everyone here knows I'm lactose intolerant
0:03:35 > 0:03:38and I can't have any other type of milk in this fridge. And yet...
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Look, there's a full carton of semi-skimmed right here
0:03:41 > 0:03:44that no-one's touched. It is seriously effed up.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Soya doesn't even taste nice.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48I drink it because medically I have to. But, I tell you what...
0:03:48 > 0:03:50No, I can't because
0:03:50 > 0:03:53then I'm the guy in the office that leaves notes everywhere.
0:03:53 > 0:03:57When I find out who's done this, I'm going to have effing words, mate.
0:03:57 > 0:04:01Honestly, I will. Yeah. It costs... Do you know how much it costs me?
0:04:01 > 0:04:04£7.95. Almost eight quid. Yeah.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Of course it is. But it's a medical condition.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08But you can't tell people this
0:04:08 > 0:04:12because they just think you're "that guy".
0:04:12 > 0:04:15- Don't know what I'm going to have for breakfast this week.- All right?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Yeah, all right? One sec. All right, Claire?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- Did you have my soya milk last? - Don't think so.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Just replace it next time, OK?
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Yeah. No, it was Claire.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28And the switchover can be done during the bank holiday
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- meaning zero downtime across the whole company.- Oh, music to my ears!
0:04:32 > 0:04:36And with the increased savings on the toner cartridges,
0:04:36 > 0:04:39they will have paid for themselves within the first six months.
0:04:39 > 0:04:44- You've got yourselves a deal. - And that is music to MY ears!
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Brilliant. I'll draw up the paperwork and send out copies.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Oh! No pun intended!
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- So, we're done here, aren't we? - Just one more thing.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01Is it just me or is it getting a little bit sexy in here?
0:05:03 > 0:05:04Sorry?
0:05:04 > 0:05:07You know, in here, us, a vibe.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10A little, you know, rrrr!
0:05:10 > 0:05:11Er, Phil...
0:05:11 > 0:05:16Because if it is, I'm thinking maybe some drinks in town,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18then all three of us back to hers.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Me and her first of course, but don't you worry.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23You can go next.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26I'll probably get a drink during that, catch my breath,
0:05:26 > 0:05:29and then I'll come back and I'll hop on top of her
0:05:29 > 0:05:32and I'll go at her hard.
0:05:32 > 0:05:36And I mean really hard. While you...
0:05:37 > 0:05:40I don't know, put on her underwear
0:05:40 > 0:05:43and stick your finger...
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Phil!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47No.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48No?
0:05:48 > 0:05:49No, Phil.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Great. I'll get Susan to send over the paperwork. Good meeting.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Excuse me. Sorry. I'm running a bit late. Do you know where the tube is?
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- It's over there.- What, over there?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- No, look, it's just behind you. - Oh, hang on.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18I've just got reception. It's just finding it, sorry.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21You really can't miss it. You see where it says "underground"...
0:06:21 > 0:06:24- Oh, it's found it. There it is. - ..that's the tube.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26OK, so it's just over... here.
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Shit!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40Welcome, friends.
0:06:40 > 0:06:45Today...is a day of sadness.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50But it is also a day of celebration.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53For today we celebrate the life of...
0:06:53 > 0:06:57No! No, I'm sorry, everyone. We're leaving.
0:06:57 > 0:07:01They've just been really rude to Sandra. Get your coats.
0:07:01 > 0:07:02We're not having it here.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I'm sorry, but no. They've been really rude to Sandra.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Right. Four strong boys.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11You, you, you and you.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14Pick him up, turn him round. We're going.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17- I'm sorry, Sandra. What's actually happened?- No!
0:07:17 > 0:07:21I'm sorry, but no. They've been really rude to Sandra.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Come on, Sandra.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37ALARM SOUNDS
0:07:37 > 0:07:40- Another false. Always are.- Hmm.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Premises this size should have their own patrols,
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- instead of leaving it to us.- That's what's wrong with this country.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48No-one wants to take responsibility, Gary.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50That's the nanny state, isn't it, Trish?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52MUSIC: "Someone Like You" by Adele
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- 'Oh, Gary. You're so dreamy. I love you.'- Oh, hello!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Tax disc due to expire next month.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- And there's not much tread on this offside tyre neither.- No?
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Let's have a look at this one.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07'Gary, I don't care about tyres. I only care about you.'
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Let's keep an eye on that. Check it out at the start of next month.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12I think we both know it's going to be an expiry.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15What a lot of them do is just stick "Tax in the post" on the window,
0:08:15 > 0:08:17there's not a bloody thing you can do about it...
0:08:17 > 0:08:19'I love it when you get passionate about tax, Gary.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22'But I want you to get passionate with me.'
0:08:22 > 0:08:25..insurance becomes invalid, our hands are tied, aren't they?
0:08:25 > 0:08:28'Oh, Gary. I want to tie my hands around you
0:08:28 > 0:08:30'and escape to the Seychelles.'
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Gone to the dogs, it has.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Well, this is it.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36'Whisky Tango 202, this is unit base. Confirm your position.'
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Unit base, this is Trish. I love Gary.
0:08:40 > 0:08:43I'm with Gary here.
0:08:43 > 0:08:47- I could murder a tea. Do you want tea?- Um, yeah. Cheers.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- Two sugars?- Ye... Yeah.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I need you to call Berlin, get the contract sent straight over.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Pull them out of a meeting if you have to.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I shouldn't have to be telling you your job.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01If they want to play hardball, I'll play hardball.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04Just get it done. Bike me.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Go!
0:09:07 > 0:09:12Argh! I'm going into a car. I don't know how to work this.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15How do you work this? Am I moving the wheel? Jesus!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Oh, God! I don't want to die.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19Yes. What can I get for you?
0:09:19 > 0:09:22Double shot skinny macchiato, extra foam, please.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25- Is that to drink in or to take away? - Take away.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Double shot skinny macchiato, extra foam, takeaway.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- And what's your name?- Phil.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Phil. Anything else, Phil? Maybe a panini?
0:09:34 > 0:09:38No, thanks, but...
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Is it just me? Or...
0:09:42 > 0:09:45..is it getting a bit sexy in here?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Pardon me?
0:09:49 > 0:09:53Here. The vibe. Come on.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57You want to know my name, what I like, what I've been drinking.
0:09:57 > 0:10:01You've got it bad. But don't you worry.
0:10:01 > 0:10:02I'm more than happy to give it you.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Phil...- It's...
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Here's what we're going to do.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10You tell everyone there's been a power cut,
0:10:10 > 0:10:12close the blinds
0:10:12 > 0:10:16and then you can do me on the pastry counter.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Maybe eat a biscotti off my nipples.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I don't know, we'll see how we feel.
0:10:20 > 0:10:25Now, I don't know what his deal is,
0:10:25 > 0:10:31but you can tell him that he's more than welcome to join in.
0:10:31 > 0:10:32Maybe he could...
0:10:32 > 0:10:35And I'm thinking off the top of my head here,
0:10:35 > 0:10:40but, maybe you could put on her underwear and...
0:10:41 > 0:10:43..poke your fingers up my...
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Er, Phil...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- No.- No?
0:10:50 > 0:10:52No, Phil.
0:10:52 > 0:10:57Actually, now that I think about it, I'd like a panini, please. Panini?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Panini, please.- Cheese.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- What do you think? Sorry.- Claire!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10If there's anything you don't like, I can change it. Sorry.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- It's exactly what I wanted. Calm, spacious, light.- Yes.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Ooh! I'm overwhelmed!
0:11:16 > 0:11:20You're not just an interior designer, Claire, you're an artist.
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Oh, gosh. Sorry. Thank you.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Honestly, if there's anything you don't like,
0:11:24 > 0:11:25I can change it straightaway.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28You've done everything I asked for and more. It's perfect. I love it.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33If you do have any notes or criticisms... Sorry. I just...
0:11:33 > 0:11:37I just want to learn and get better. Sorry.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38- Sorry.- Er...
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Em...
0:11:43 > 0:11:46- I guess if I had to pick one thing...- Yes.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51..with a gun to my head... This is so minor -
0:11:51 > 0:11:58I probably would have located the waste bin in that corner instead.
0:11:58 > 0:11:59Uh-huh.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10SHE SOBS
0:12:21 > 0:12:23You stupid twat!
0:12:23 > 0:12:25You're shit!
0:12:25 > 0:12:29SHE SHOUTS
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Stupid, stupid, stupid!
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Red, red, red!
0:12:47 > 0:12:50Actually...
0:12:50 > 0:12:53I think the bin does work in that corner.
0:13:01 > 0:13:05- Excuse me. Sorry, sorry. Do you know where the tube is?- What, this tube?
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Just checking it. Yeah, this tube here.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11- Yeah, it's here. - What, there?
0:13:11 > 0:13:14No, no, it's behind you. That's the entrance there.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18Oh! How do I get in?
0:13:18 > 0:13:21Well, you just go in there.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23- Oh, great. Thanks.- It's all right.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Oh, shit!
0:13:38 > 0:13:42We are a simple peace-loving people.
0:13:42 > 0:13:48Our atmosphere is breathable to your species and our crops are bountiful.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52Your journey has been long and arduous.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56But it is over now. You may live among us...
0:13:58 > 0:14:03- ..as our brothers. - No! No! We're leaving.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Put your helmets back on.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08- They've just been really rude to Sandra.- You've got to be joking.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11Come on, back in the spaceship. Everyone back in the spaceship.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13They've just been really rude to Sandra.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16It might be another 64 million light years before we find
0:14:16 > 0:14:18- anything habitable... - No, no, I'm sorry. We're going.
0:14:18 > 0:14:20They've been really rude to Sandra.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Sorry. What's actually happened, Sandra?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26No! I'm not having it. Sandra, come on.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29This planet's crap anyway. Come on.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Tits! Tits!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd