0:00:02 > 0:00:03For the title sequence, we start on a mountain.
0:00:03 > 0:00:06It's snowing and then there's this explosion and then a car,
0:00:06 > 0:00:07a massive car,
0:00:07 > 0:00:10comes through the explosion but there are no flames.
0:00:10 > 0:00:12There's dancing girls and they're the flames
0:00:12 > 0:00:14- and they're like dancing around the car.- Yeah...
0:00:14 > 0:00:18- So have you thought about the title? - No, not yet.
0:00:18 > 0:00:22I think everyone's basically saying it should be The Cariad Show.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I think that sounds...
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Don't you think that's quite rubbish? The Cariad Show.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28It's like we haven't thought of it.
0:00:30 > 0:00:33I think that's what it's going to be.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34OK.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE
0:00:39 > 0:00:44Bonjour, bonjour. Je suis Jacques le Coq and this is parkour.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Some call it free running,
0:00:47 > 0:00:48some call it free styling,
0:00:48 > 0:00:50some call it leapfrogging over pillars and shit.
0:00:52 > 0:00:53Laissez, laissez.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55But we call it parkour.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Par-par-par-par-parkour.
0:01:00 > 0:01:01Invented in the suburbs of Paris
0:01:01 > 0:01:03cos we were in such a hurry to get somewhere.
0:01:03 > 0:01:05I might need to go to the shops now
0:01:05 > 0:01:06for some cigarettes
0:01:06 > 0:01:07or a lemon.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08How will I get there, uh?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10This street is so cluttered.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12In English, you are taught to think in straight lines but we no.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Straight lines are for gays.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17In parkour, there are no barriers, uh.
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Only the barriers of your mind.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20This, to me, it does not exist.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Regardez-moi.
0:01:22 > 0:01:27FRENCH RAP SONG PLAYS
0:01:27 > 0:01:28No, no, no, Terry.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30No, no, no. Just no.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Oh, sorry. I'm so clumsy.
0:01:38 > 0:01:39That's why I'm not threatening.
0:01:41 > 0:01:46My name's Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
0:01:46 > 0:01:50ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
0:01:50 > 0:01:52ey.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- But you can call me Joey. - Hey.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Sorry. It's all my comics.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01Oh, my God. That's a first edition Superman.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03I know, I'm such a geek.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05I'm even going to the film with subtitles.
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Oh, um, so am I.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10No way, that's so funny
0:02:10 > 0:02:13cos I have no-one to go with.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17I just broke up with my boyfriend so I'm really vulnerable.
0:02:17 > 0:02:18Lip bite.
0:02:20 > 0:02:21Oh, my God!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23I just remembered rabbits exist.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Sorry. I say the dorkiest things.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I'm like a child.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32But with breasts.
0:02:36 > 0:02:37Are you hard yet?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42GROWLS: You'll never have me.
0:02:42 > 0:02:43Bye! Foot flick.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53What do you mean my single's only at number one?
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Well, you can't get any higher than number one. It's really good.
0:02:56 > 0:02:57It's not good enough.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Grammy, heel. I'm not doing this video unless
0:03:02 > 0:03:04- Grammy has a speaking part. - Right.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Little bastard chewed my shoe earlier. No chicken for you later.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09- Would you both like some lunch? - What is wrong with you?
0:03:09 > 0:03:10You know I've never eaten before.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13This mouth is for one thing only - for music to come out of.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15# Mu-u-sic. #
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Er, you just fainted again.
0:03:21 > 0:03:22I slept, not fainted.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24I need eight hours and I like to spread 'em out.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Pint of bitter please, son.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- Anything else? - Yeah, scratchings, please, mate.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41- There you go.- Thank you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45- Ta.- So, you from round here, mate, or...?
0:03:45 > 0:03:48Yeah, East End all me life, born and bred.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49I was here in the good old days
0:03:49 > 0:03:51before it was all cyclists and poofs.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Ye...God, yeah, totally.
0:03:55 > 0:03:59So, um, I bet this place has changed a bit since...
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Oh, blimey, yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It used to be full of music, laughter, you know?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06That piano lid was never closed.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09Oh, God. Sounds amazing. I wish I'd been there then.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11Yeah, it was a right old laugh, yeah.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14Jellied eels on the bar, you know,
0:04:14 > 0:04:15everyone was white
0:04:15 > 0:04:18and we was always havin' a singsong. Brilliant.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Yeah...jellied eels!
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Yeah, course you'd get a few troublemakers. Yeah, you know.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- You know that bit down the end o' the bar?- Yeah.- One woman...
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I had to smack her head on that three times, like that...
0:04:29 > 0:04:31..just to get her to shut up!
0:04:32 > 0:04:35Ah, you can still see the dent.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37Yeah...totally, God.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, you'd have loved it, son.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41- Yeah, those were the days. - God.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44Here, son, I've got something for you. Come on.
0:04:47 > 0:04:48Meaty jaggy.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50In't she lovely, eh? Look at that.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54You can get a nice slice with that.
0:04:54 > 0:04:56Right through the soft palate.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58You ever sliced anyone, son?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00- No.- No?! Oh, you'd love it.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02Oh, yeah, slice 'em up nice.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Slice them like a pizza, you know, a slice for everyone.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Oh, yeah, we'd have a whale of a time.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09We'd always be slicing, chopping,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11killing 'em up nice, you know?
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Chop 'em into small bits and you drop 'em in the canal
0:05:13 > 0:05:15and they just dissolve like little bits of sugar.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18God, it's...cool.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Oh, well, mate.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21I got to get back.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Got to go home and beat the wife.
0:05:23 > 0:05:24Only joking, she's dead.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26I killed her. Take care, mate.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32What did he say?
0:05:32 > 0:05:33It was amazing.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34He's like a proper cockney!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42Destiny is a funny thing.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Oh, my God, it's Pat Butcher!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47It's Pam St Clement! I don't play Pat Butcher any more.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I don't play Pat Butcher any more.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You spend your whole life being someone else.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59And then suddenly...
0:06:02 > 0:06:04You're someone else all over again.
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Pat, here, behind her make-up.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Pam has a mask.
0:06:21 > 0:06:22The people need hope.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Someone who can make a difference.
0:06:31 > 0:06:33And they need someone to give it to them.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37No matter what the cost.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43With not really that much power
0:06:43 > 0:06:45comes not really that much responsibility.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51What's up, Pat Butcher?
0:06:51 > 0:06:52Oh, piss off!
0:06:56 > 0:06:58I want a horse.
0:06:58 > 0:06:59Make him look like a gentleman, though.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02- Top hat, tails, that sort of thing. - A waistcoat?
0:07:02 > 0:07:03He wants a waistcoat now, does he?
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Well, that's a bit much, isn't it? He's very demanding.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07No! I'm sorry it's too much.
0:07:07 > 0:07:08I loved you once!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11SHE SCREAMS
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Oh.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Rosie, go to your room. - DOOR SLAMS
0:07:17 > 0:07:20It's not my fault! I didn't ask to move here.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26KNOCKING ON THE DOOR
0:07:26 > 0:07:27Hello?
0:07:27 > 0:07:29KNOCKING ON THE DOOR
0:07:32 > 0:07:34BANGING ON THE DOOR
0:07:38 > 0:07:40SHE SCREAMS
0:07:46 > 0:07:49Damn! People always freaking out when they see a ghost.
0:07:49 > 0:07:52- I don't know why. I'm just a girl who dead.- What?
0:07:52 > 0:07:53Yeah, a ghost.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Alice my name, so now you know.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58So quit bitchin' like a bitch with no...
0:07:58 > 0:07:59- debutante's ball.- With no what?
0:07:59 > 0:08:01Sometimes I can't think of the modern equivalent.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Why are you talking like that?
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I spend a lot of time with the ghost of Whitney Houston.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Get over it, girl!
0:08:09 > 0:08:11Close your damn mouth before someone move in there.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13Now, what you shouting about?
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- I got in trouble at my new school and now I'm grounded.- Grounded?
0:08:15 > 0:08:19I was grounded once. My mama put me in a coal hole for three weeks.
0:08:19 > 0:08:20I met so many rats down there,
0:08:20 > 0:08:23I damn near made friends with all of them!
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- I didn't want to come out.- Great(!)
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Well, thanks for stopping by, Alice.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29So how long are you grounded for, sweet child?
0:08:29 > 0:08:31A whole week.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- I'm missing Emily's party and now my wardrobe is haunted.- Emily?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Emily?! She round here yesterday?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38You like her?
0:08:38 > 0:08:40- She's the coolest girl in my new school.- Emily?!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42She all big teeth and shiny hair
0:08:42 > 0:08:44like a smoke horse you just want to slap!
0:08:44 > 0:08:45Yeah, she is quite annoying.
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Next time you see her, tell her you didn't want to go to her
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- damn party because you knew it'd be so dull.- That might actually work.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Damn straight it'll work.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54I thought I would miss hanging out with Whitney.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- She used to take all my advice. - Thanks, Alice.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Ah, shit, make a sister cry. Come on, get out of here.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Go to bed, motherfricker.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I do want no TV on my watch.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03I will punch you in the ass if you fuck around with me!
0:09:07 > 0:09:10WHISPERING
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- Can you play?- Just a bit, son.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I had an LP out in my day.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21- Really?- Yeah.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24Cockney tunes for kids aged four to six who've done time. Yeah.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Play you something, shall I?
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- Yeah.- Yeah, you'd like that, would you? All right.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32This one's for you, darling. This one's for you, all right.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Look at her. Lovely, sweetheart.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36# I followed you home You was alone
0:09:36 > 0:09:37# I hid in your shower
0:09:37 > 0:09:40# I waited an hour Then you had a bath
0:09:40 > 0:09:42# I gave you such a surprise
0:09:42 > 0:09:44# You couldn't believe your eyes
0:09:44 > 0:09:45# I was naked, so were you
0:09:45 > 0:09:48# Should've changed your locks when I moved out. #
0:09:52 > 0:09:53No applause?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59That's not very nice.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06We was always having a singsong, yeah.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Dogfight upstairs, brothel in the back.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Those were the days.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12Oh, hello, Chuckles. I was saying to you, wasn't I?
0:10:12 > 0:10:13We'd always have a dogfight here.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15And you was saying you'd like one back, wouldn't you?
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- Said the room was free. - Yeah.
0:10:17 > 0:10:19I... yeah. I was...
0:10:20 > 0:10:21That sounds... Yeah.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24I'll play you another, shall I? I wrote this one for me first wife.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Here we go.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27# It wasn't the knife that killed her
0:10:27 > 0:10:29# It was me, it was me. #
0:10:29 > 0:10:30WHISPERS: She was a slag.
0:10:33 > 0:10:34She fucked my brother.
0:10:35 > 0:10:37I just sliced her up,
0:10:37 > 0:10:39buried her and I got away with it.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45I hate this room. Pass me my grenade.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51EXPLOSION
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Someone's going to clear that up now
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- or someone's going to get shot. Right, show me my covers.- Oh.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57OK, good, good.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Uh, why am I not on the cover?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Well that's Cakes Weekly.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- You're not a cake. - I'm whatever I say I am.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I'm a Victoria sponge. What am I?
0:11:05 > 0:11:06- You're a Victoria sponge.- Am I?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Can I eat me?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Why am I still walking?
0:11:12 > 0:11:13Get me my hovercraft!
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Hello! Welcome to Cocktail Sally's YouTube channel.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32The name's Sally, Cocktail Sally.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34I'm going to shoot you in the face.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Why am I talking like James Bond?
0:11:36 > 0:11:39Because this week's Cocktail Sally's themed cocktail is the classic
0:11:39 > 0:11:41James...Bond cocktail -
0:11:41 > 0:11:43the Bondopolitan.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47So, firstly,
0:11:47 > 0:11:48add a shot...
0:11:50 > 0:11:53..of vodka from Russia...
0:11:53 > 0:11:55With Love.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Then paint your finger gold...
0:11:58 > 0:12:00..and stir.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Then just add some diamonds.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06And leave them there forever!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Put the glass in the freezer for an hour
0:12:08 > 0:12:11until it is cold and dispassionate like James Bond.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12Make love to it in the shower.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13Add a bow tie.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17And there you have it, the Bondopolitan.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Mmm.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23Or should I say...M.
0:12:26 > 0:12:31Remember you can e-mail me at cocktailsally91@cockmail.com
0:12:31 > 0:12:34and join the next week when I will be doing my hen night special,
0:12:34 > 0:12:35the Penis Colada.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Until then, keep shaking!
0:12:43 > 0:12:46It's just that you said you'd call me before you finished yesterday.
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I know. I forgot.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49I didn't promise you I'd call you.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50I know but I was really worried.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52And I didn't know where you were.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55And I just love rainy days and bookshops.
0:12:58 > 0:13:01If you could just text me next time.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03SHE SIMPERS
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- Are you OK?- Yeah!
0:13:05 > 0:13:07I just remembered I once Shazammed a bird singing
0:13:07 > 0:13:09and it came back with..."life".
0:13:10 > 0:13:12I mean, that's not true but it is true,
0:13:12 > 0:13:13you know what I mean?
0:13:24 > 0:13:26Oh, my cakes. I dropped them!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31All I can bake is cupcakes.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I guess I'm just like a big giant ovary
0:13:35 > 0:13:36just waiting for your sperm.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44It's actually closing time so...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46Oh, that's so sad.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48I guess I'll go home
0:13:48 > 0:13:52and watch Battlestar Galactica or play Call of Duty in my bikini.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Or cut myself.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Are you hard yet?
0:14:01 > 0:14:05You're so pathetic. Nose wrinkle!
0:14:05 > 0:14:06It was so nice to meet you!
0:14:14 > 0:14:17Pour moi, the street is a baguette, uh. I am the ham.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18# Mind your scratchy crust I can cut
0:14:18 > 0:14:20# That's the pavement. #
0:14:21 > 0:14:23The cucumber is, um,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25the policeman, uh.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26But who is the ham?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30What side is it on? Who can you trust in the fight for the street?
0:14:30 > 0:14:31# Tuna, tu-tuna, cucumber and meat. #
0:14:34 > 0:14:36- Culoche! - HE LAUGHS
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Pain de merde, the East Bank Crew!
0:14:40 > 0:14:41# One
0:14:43 > 0:14:44# One, two
0:14:46 > 0:14:48# Check me out right here, yo
0:14:51 > 0:14:54# Turn the track up a little bit for me. #
0:14:54 > 0:14:57HIP-HOP BEAT
0:15:01 > 0:15:03CLOCK ALARM BLEEPS
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Dejeuner pour...?
0:15:09 > 0:15:10Mais, oui, c'est parfait!
0:15:10 > 0:15:15THEY SPEAK ANIMATEDLY IN FRENCH
0:15:15 > 0:15:17MUSIC: "L'Amour Conjuge" by Christian Marsac
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- Parkour.- Parkour! - Parkour, parkour, parkour.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41THEY SHRIEK AND LAUGH
0:15:43 > 0:15:45HE SHOUTS
0:15:51 > 0:15:53To be honest, I'm quite full.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Maybe we could just do this tomorrow, uh?
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Um, si.
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- Au revoir.- Au revoir. Au revoir, alors.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- Au revoir.- Au revoir.- Au revoir.
0:16:19 > 0:16:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd