0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:10I love the last shift of the day - a real chance to sit back and take stock.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14Literally, cos of stock checking.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16SHE LAUGHS
0:00:16 > 0:00:18I really need to get a new job.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22No, I'm sorry, sir, we're closed.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24McNuggets, I want some.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25Excuse me?
0:00:25 > 0:00:26I want some fucking McNuggets.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Well, actually, sir, the McNugget
0:00:28 > 0:00:32is a registered trademark of the McDonalds corporation.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34Unless, of course, you mean our famous mock nuggets,
0:00:34 > 0:00:37which are made from reconstituted soya bits.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38Get me my nuggets!
0:00:38 > 0:00:42OK, OK. Mary, could you please get him some McNuggets, please?
0:00:43 > 0:00:45Coming up.
0:00:45 > 0:00:49I'll just...go over...here!
0:00:54 > 0:00:58I'm sorry, Joe, just so you know I'm not proud of what I'm doing.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59Go on!
0:01:11 > 0:01:14OIL SIZZLES
0:01:14 > 0:01:16That'll be about 20 minutes.
0:01:19 > 0:01:20Did you offer him a sauce?
0:01:21 > 0:01:22Do you want a sauce?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31SFC! Ain't no thing like a chicken!
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Try one, get one free. You know you want one, sir.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36Go for it, come on! Yes, yes, yes, yes!
0:01:36 > 0:01:37HE CLUCKS
0:01:37 > 0:01:39There you go, sweetheart. Want to get some chicken?
0:01:39 > 0:01:41You look like you eat a lot of chicken.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43You'd enjoy some chicken, have some chicken.
0:01:51 > 0:01:56- Hi. I'm looking for Derek Wom. - Oh, yes? That's nice.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58Yeah.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59I'm new. I'm the new girl.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Shut up your damn face!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Hi, I'm looking for Derek Wom.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10All right, you must be Anal, are you?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Actually, it's "Anahl". I'm Sikh.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17Well, yes, I am, indeed, Derek Wom, assistant manager.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Should be manager, but I'm not.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23You might be mistaking me for someone who actually gives a shit.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27Whoa, hey, you will! Right, I run a tight ship here.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30Not one of them party skiffs you see in the Adriatic,
0:02:30 > 0:02:34all tight shirts and, "Let's get the party started," OK?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Now this, this is your shirt.
0:02:37 > 0:02:41Wow. Any chance you can make this job even more demeaning?
0:02:46 > 0:02:47That would be a yes, then.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Hey! This is so weird, isn't it?
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Both of us being here. Crazy.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Because we go to the same school?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Joe Kelly, I sit behind you in maths.
0:03:02 > 0:03:06You once called me a fuckwad for breathing too loudly.
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Never mind.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12I hate my dad. He's making me work here as a punishment.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13What did you do?
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I said I didn't want to sleep with him any more.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22I'm joking. Some crap about learning the value of hard work.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Oh, this place is rank.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I feel like I'm on Secret Millionaire.
0:03:27 > 0:03:32OK! Beaks up, everyone. Staff meeting.
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Aside from introducing the new girl...
0:03:35 > 0:03:37It's all right boss, I've done Anal.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Well, aside...aside from that, which we should talk about separately.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46Maybe. We need to talk about last night's incident.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Let's lead with the positive, here, guys.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52That guy must have really liked our nuggets, OK?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55So, we're clearly doing something right.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56SHE CHUCKLES
0:03:58 > 0:04:03Erm... if it happens again, I want you to all be on your guard.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06So just a little tip - if you want to be more effective in combat,
0:04:06 > 0:04:10it helps if you've got nothing left to live for.
0:04:10 > 0:04:11At least, that's what I've found
0:04:11 > 0:04:13since my soul mate, Gareth, kicked me out.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17It's like I always say, "Please don't leave me, Gareth, don't go."
0:04:17 > 0:04:19What are you giving us combat advice for,
0:04:19 > 0:04:23when you ran and hid in the cupboard, like a little pussy cat?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Right. Right, so, yes.
0:04:25 > 0:04:31Yes, there was, as you say, to an extent, an element
0:04:31 > 0:04:36of hiding in the cupboard, but, you know, let's all move on, OK?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39What's done is done. Am I right, guys?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43OK. Let's get those doors open!
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Fasten your seat belts. Here comes the morning rush.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Good day to you, sir, and how may we help you...?
0:04:51 > 0:04:55TRICKLING Joe, can you get the mop and bucket, please, quickly?
0:04:55 > 0:04:57There you go, Anal, welcome aboard.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59That's really quite unpleasant.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Yo, bro,
0:05:10 > 0:05:12you should ask out that new girl.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I know you like her.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16That's because I just told you I like her.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19That's how I can tell, innit? Want some advice?
0:05:19 > 0:05:20Not really.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Too ugly for her, bro.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24See, what you've done there is
0:05:24 > 0:05:26you've confused the word advice with the word abuse.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Just being honest. That's what friends are for.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31I only met you, like, three days ago.
0:05:31 > 0:05:33You just keep talking to me.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36She's gorgeous, yeah, and you're not.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39This is like a Beauty And The Beast situation.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42No offence, mate, but you are the beast.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45You can't just say no offence when you say something offensive.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49In Beauty And The Beast, yeah, she's like, basically, having
0:05:49 > 0:05:52it off with a lion and, yeah, he's got a bit of money, he's got
0:05:52 > 0:05:57a nice little outfit on, but it's still tantamount to bestiality.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00I've fancied her since for ever. Since we were ten.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Paedo.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I'm not a paedophile. I was ten and she was ten.
0:06:11 > 0:06:14Tell you what you do - you need to romance this girl.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Wait until she's not on shift and she orders a pizza,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22you knock on the door and go, "Big sausage pizza delivery!"
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Got the pizza box by your balls.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31You open the lid and guess what's poking through the middle.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34A topping she didn't order - your penis. Bang!
0:06:35 > 0:06:36I don't think that'll work.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Why? It's funny, it's clever and it's a great ice breaker.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42Well, it's not going to work because
0:06:42 > 0:06:46A, it's basically sexual assault and, B, we don't deliver pizza.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Oh, why do you have to be so negative for, man?
0:06:50 > 0:06:53Listen, if you're not prepared to stick your penis through
0:06:53 > 0:06:56a freshly-baked pizza in the pursuit of love,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58then I don't know if we can be friends any more.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Oh, these stairs, they'll be the death of me, these.
0:07:06 > 0:07:09You've got to be like Houdini to get down here. Hiya!
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Derek. Derek, sit down, Derek.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:07:14 > 0:07:19Now, Derek, do you know why I...I made you deputy manager?
0:07:19 > 0:07:23Because Bobby McAllister was caught masturbating in the onion rings.
0:07:23 > 0:07:24Yes.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29But also it's because you've got a wise head on your shoulders.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34I need your head now, Derek.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36I've lost the respect of the staff.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40They think I'm a coward and it hurts, Derek, it hurts.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44I haven't felt this low since Gareth insisted that I see other people.
0:07:44 > 0:07:48- So, you want to win their respect? - More than anything.
0:07:48 > 0:07:52All I've ever wanted from my team is respect...
0:07:52 > 0:07:56and impeccable fryer hygiene, or frygiene, as I like to sa...
0:07:56 > 0:08:02No, no, no. This is no time for levity. Speak to me, Derek.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07Mary, can I speak honestly?
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Please do.
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Morale is at an all-time low.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Your cowardice has left a nasty taste in the mouth
0:08:13 > 0:08:15a bit like Bobby McAllister's onion rings.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18I know, but I have to try.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21OK. Tell them you're going to resign.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23You're going to fall on your own sword.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Tell them you're that ashamed of your disgusting behaviour,
0:08:25 > 0:08:27that you're a yellow-belly, good-for-nothing
0:08:27 > 0:08:30and they don't deserve them kind of management techniques.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33That way, they'll realise how much they need you
0:08:33 > 0:08:36and they'll be on their hands and knees begging you for to stay.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40But what if they don't realise I'm bluffing
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and they all just really want me to go?
0:08:43 > 0:08:44Isn't that a bit dangerous?
0:08:44 > 0:08:47Well, yeah, it is, Mary, but, you know,
0:08:47 > 0:08:49it's a risk I'm willing to let you take.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Mm, well. Thank you, Derek.
0:08:52 > 0:08:53Any time, sweetheart.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Do you know how mayonnaise is made from eggs?
0:09:02 > 0:09:03I do now.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06Well, whenever I eat chicken nuggets with mayonnaise, I always
0:09:06 > 0:09:09feel bad for dipping the chicken in the remains of its unborn children.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- What?- That's why I can't eat humus and falafel together either,
0:09:13 > 0:09:16cos like those chickpeas could have been friends.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18I like you, Joe.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19Thanks, Shontal.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21You make me realise that my dickhead son
0:09:21 > 0:09:25is not such a fucking loser after all.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30- MUFFLED: Big sausage pizza! Big sausage pizza!- (Sh!)
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Did you guys really get robbed last night?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Yeah, some guy held a knife to my throat
0:09:34 > 0:09:35cos he wanted some nuggets.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Oh, my God, you poor thing. What did you do?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- Well, I...- Beat him up. Beat him up, didn't you?
0:09:41 > 0:09:44- Ed.- All the adrenaline got pumped up into him
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- and he disarmed the guy, took him down.- Really?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Well, it wasn't quite like that.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Yeah, I, kind of, thought not.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Don't be so modest, man.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54He might not look like much, yes,
0:09:54 > 0:09:57but he's been taking self-defence classes.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00He took that guy down Street Fighter style. Hadouken!
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Didn't he, Shontal?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05Yes, that's the truth, right there.
0:10:05 > 0:10:09Oh. It's always the types you don't expect, isn't it?
0:10:09 > 0:10:10Good on you, Joe.
0:10:11 > 0:10:15Yes, my natural instincts just kicked in and I suppose...
0:10:15 > 0:10:18- And then, this other guy, come in, yeah?- Ed!
0:10:18 > 0:10:20Right, and he pulls out a gun. HE MAKES GUN-COCKING SOUND
0:10:20 > 0:10:25And he goes, "Screw the nuggets, I'm going to rape you!"
0:10:25 > 0:10:26He was going to rape you?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- Well...- But it's cool, cos Joe was just like,
0:10:28 > 0:10:30"In your face, you rapist," right?
0:10:30 > 0:10:32And he pulls out one of the kitchen knives.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Kerching! And voomph!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Straight through the guy's arm, neutralised him, took him down.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39That's exactly how it happened, I swear to God.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42Joe...?
0:10:43 > 0:10:49I guess I did disarm him and he ran out of there like a big pussy.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Yes, that's my boy Joe, huh?
0:10:57 > 0:11:02And he also makes a mean big sausage pizza, yeah, with meatballs.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13OK, let's just all stop what we're doing for a second
0:11:13 > 0:11:15and just gather round. If we...
0:11:15 > 0:11:17That's it, just gather round,
0:11:17 > 0:11:21just quickly before the...the after-school...
0:11:21 > 0:11:23rush. OK.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26SHE CLEARS THROAT
0:11:26 > 0:11:30OK, I need to tell you all something,
0:11:30 > 0:11:33and it's about last night.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I...
0:11:35 > 0:11:37admit it.
0:11:37 > 0:11:43I ran and I left Joe alone,
0:11:43 > 0:11:50but I need you all to know that I care about this restaurant.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I love this place.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56I yearn for its success.
0:11:56 > 0:12:03I love it so much, and I respect you all so much that
0:12:03 > 0:12:09after my actions I am left with no choice here - no choice -
0:12:09 > 0:12:10but to quit.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18So I'd leave.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21You know, I wouldn't... I wouldn't work here any more.
0:12:25 > 0:12:27Right.
0:12:28 > 0:12:32Well, I'm going to have to go now, because I've quit,
0:12:32 > 0:12:36quite publicly, so...
0:12:36 > 0:12:37off I go.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51I'll just go downstairs and pack up my things.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55OK.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Bye, then.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's over, Derek.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18Stick a spork in me, I'm done.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Oh, well, love, you've had a good innings.
0:13:20 > 0:13:24I wanted to follow in the footsteps of other great leaders
0:13:24 > 0:13:29that have trodden this path - Ronald McDonald, Colonel Sanders,
0:13:29 > 0:13:31that guy that set up Burger King.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37But how am I supposed to grow a global corporation
0:13:37 > 0:13:40if I let my team down, like I did like that?
0:13:40 > 0:13:43You know, a great leader once said, "How am I supposed to grow
0:13:43 > 0:13:47"a global corporation if I let my team down like I did like that?"
0:13:47 > 0:13:48And that leader was you.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50You were a great leader,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52but now it's time to leave the stage, you know?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55And maybe, before you do, ring head office and get them
0:13:55 > 0:13:56to appoint a new leader.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00Oh, maybe it's time to pack it all in, anyway, Derek.
0:14:00 > 0:14:05I could do something crazy, change my life completely.
0:14:05 > 0:14:06Pizza or something.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Yeah, something like that, you know.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Go on, get out of here!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Spread your wings, fly the nest.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Just piss off.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I know what you're doing, Derek,
0:14:16 > 0:14:19telling me to piss off, so I don't give up.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22Well, it's too late.
0:14:22 > 0:14:26Even though I love this place more than anything in the world,
0:14:26 > 0:14:29more than I love the children I could have had with Gareth
0:14:29 > 0:14:32if he hadn't insisted on finishing on the bath mat.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36No, it's time to leave.
0:14:38 > 0:14:43But it's good to know that someone cares about me being here.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46Oh, don't worry, I'll steer her through the rocky shores
0:14:46 > 0:14:50of customer satisfaction and whether or not we've got enough cheese.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Oh, cheese! We've run out of cheese, that's what I came down here for.
0:14:53 > 0:14:54We've run out of cheese!
0:15:03 > 0:15:04HE CLUCKS
0:15:18 > 0:15:20All right, that's great, brilliant.
0:15:20 > 0:15:21So your attacker's got you in a head lock,
0:15:21 > 0:15:24a really tight head lock, and, basically, what you do is,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27you use their strength to flip them onto their back.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31OK, I'm...I'm not going to show you right now, cos it'll
0:15:31 > 0:15:34probably really hurt you, probably break your back or something.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37Could you please let me go?
0:15:39 > 0:15:43That's your first lesson in self-defence. Namaste...
0:15:44 > 0:15:45..Padawan.
0:15:45 > 0:15:49Thanks, Joe. You managed to make this job marginally less boring.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Hey, after a couple of lessons, you might be able to take on Shontal.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55Touch me, and you'll need two nose jobs, bitch!
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Mate, you are so in, you're practically inside her.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05I told you lying was the only way you'll get a slice.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08It's like she sees me in a completely different light.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11You know what you should do? You should ask her on holiday.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Don't you think that's a bit soon?
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Yeah, that's why it's brilliant.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16Anyone can ask anybody out on a date.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19"Oh, let's go cinema, let's go bowling."
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Nobody ever says, "Come with me on holiday for, like, six weeks!"
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Does that work?
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Yeah, cos it shows her that you're serious, yeah.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Serious enough to take her out to, like, the Gambia, on a whim.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34If you're the girl, it's only polite to do the guy who takes you
0:16:34 > 0:16:37out to the Gambia on a whim, yeah? It's a long flight.
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Hi, Joe. Shontal wanted me to get some ketchup.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Bruv, I heard you give out free nuggets, innit!
0:16:45 > 0:16:47When did everyone start robbing chicken restaurants?
0:16:47 > 0:16:50There's a Nando's there. They make way more money than us.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Hurry up! Your money or your nuggets, bitch!
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Watch it. It didn't end well for the last guy who pointed a knife at him.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oh, for real? You're some kind of hero now?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I didn't disarm anyone.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07I...I just gave him the nuggets.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11I even gave him a drink and threw in some chicken wings and...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14some extra sauces and a hat.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16What? You lied?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18I was just trying to impress you.
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Bruv, that's so gay!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22How is it gay if he's trying to impress a girl?
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Shut it, chicken boy!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26And you, you better get that till open, yeah?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- DEREK:- Wipe the worst of it off and put them back in the freezer.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Whoa! Oh, my God, we're doomed.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33Drop your weapon!
0:17:33 > 0:17:34Please don't hurt me!
0:17:37 > 0:17:38I don't want to hurt you,
0:17:38 > 0:17:42but I am the manager of Specially Fried Chicken,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44and I will defend to the death
0:17:44 > 0:17:46the men, women and children that work here.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49OK, look, I can see you are very brave.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51I do not think I can...
0:17:52 > 0:17:54..defeat you.
0:17:54 > 0:17:56You are too strong as a mana-gar.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00SHE MOUTHS
0:18:00 > 0:18:01(What?)
0:18:01 > 0:18:03SHE MOUTHS
0:18:03 > 0:18:05(Oh, right.)
0:18:05 > 0:18:06As a manager.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13SHE MOUTHS
0:18:13 > 0:18:16And as a beautiful, soft-skinned woman.
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Oh, gosh!
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Now get out of here!
0:18:23 > 0:18:26Now THAT is how you handle an attacker.
0:18:28 > 0:18:31Lucky for you guys, I just...
0:18:31 > 0:18:35I happened to be passing by so I could come in here and save you all.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Cos that's how much I respect you all, that I was...I was
0:18:38 > 0:18:42willing to risk my own life, OK? And, I don't know, I just think
0:18:42 > 0:18:46maybe that goes to show how much I do deserve to run this place.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51You see, I have a dream
0:18:51 > 0:18:56that one day Specially Fried Chicken will be the third,
0:18:56 > 0:18:59if not possibly joint second-best,
0:18:59 > 0:19:03fast food establishment in the whole of the Lewisham area.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Let's all dream together.
0:19:06 > 0:19:07DOOR OPENS
0:19:11 > 0:19:12He's back.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24Yo.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28What's tall and blonde, frothy and loves me to suck on it?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Beer?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Your mum in a bubble bath, bang!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36- You should have asked her on holiday.- My mum?
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Princess Jasmine. Now, you're going to have to stalk her.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Don't be ridiculous.
0:19:41 > 0:19:43Listen, man, love is crazy.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Sometimes love means that you've got to follow someone around,
0:19:46 > 0:19:49learn their routine, until you can make your move.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52What, so you use what you've learnt to engineer a romantic encounter?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55No. Just copy her keys, wait until she's out
0:19:55 > 0:19:58and then put a webcam in the toilet.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59That's horrible.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00Only if she's taking a shit.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04Listen, do you want to come round mine and we'll watch Carrie?
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I don't really like horror films.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09It's not a film, it's one of the girls from my webcams.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11See you tomorrow.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Hey, I really am sorry about lying to you before.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16It's all right, Joe.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18If you wanted to ask me out, you could just ask me out.
0:20:18 > 0:20:21Oh. Wow. So do you want to go out?
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- No.- Oh.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26You're a nice guy, Joe, but you're not my type.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- What is your type?- Someone who doesn't feel the need to lie
0:20:28 > 0:20:31- about who they are to impress me.- Oh.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- And black guys.- Right.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34And guys with tats.
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Ladyboys?
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Tats - tattoos.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39PHONE RINGS Oh, my ride's here.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42Good luck with this one, Joe, I've got to bounce.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Yo, Mum, you're five minutes late.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46You'd best have my damn car snacks...
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Hey, have you ever been to the...
0:20:49 > 0:20:50the Gambia?
0:20:54 > 0:20:55HE SIGHS
0:20:55 > 0:20:59There we go. £100 as promised.
0:20:59 > 0:21:02You're no Olivier, but I think they bought it.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Gobbled it up like a three-ring bonus combo.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07I want more.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Excuse me?
0:21:10 > 0:21:13Deal's changed. I want more than 100 quid.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16I will not be intimidated by you, do you hear me?
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I humiliated myself once. I will...
0:21:19 > 0:21:20SHE SCREAMS
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Mary, what are you doing? Let me in!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Oh, OK. It's the hero again.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31I'm aware this doesn't look great, Joe.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Aim for his face, it's basic self-defence.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38I really need to get a new job.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41# Chicken! Chicken, back, back Pay the chicken back
0:21:41 > 0:21:44# Pay back the chicken back Do the chicken payback
0:21:44 > 0:21:48# Piggy! Pay the piggy back, back Pay the piggy back
0:21:48 > 0:21:52# Pay back the piggy back Do the piggy payback
0:21:52 > 0:21:55# Monkey! Pay the monkey back, back Pay the monkey back
0:21:55 > 0:21:59# See the monkey, do the monkey Pay the monkey back. #