0:00:02 > 0:00:04'DJ Dee Danger!'
0:00:04 > 0:00:06DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:06 > 0:00:13This programme contains strong language and adult humour.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Yes!
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Bitch!
0:01:02 > 0:01:05SKA MUSIC PLAYS
0:01:23 > 0:01:26Oh, Nic, please, can you go outside?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I've got asthma, I mean, I have said this.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32Yeah, but it's thrilling to hear a third time(!)
0:01:32 > 0:01:34SHE WHEEZES AND PANTS
0:01:41 > 0:01:43And don't give cigarettes to my brother.
0:01:43 > 0:01:44What? When did I do that?
0:01:44 > 0:01:48All last night, I saw you. Ollie doesn't smoke.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- I think you'll find he does. - Only to impress you.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53Don't encourage him, he's too young for that shit.
0:01:53 > 0:01:57Too young for what, to smoke? What, he's 15?
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I thought he said he was older.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00He's 16.
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Oh, good. Hmm.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- What?- What?
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Why is that good?
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Er, because of the cigarettes.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10It's good that he's old enough to smoke cigarettes,
0:02:10 > 0:02:11otherwise I'd be getting me... locked up.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13The legal age to smoke is 18.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Yeah, but I just feel better about it, so...
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Did any of you guys see where my brother went last night?
0:02:26 > 0:02:27No, I didn't.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Oh!
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Is it necessary that we have to be stuck on the same channel
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- every time you have a wank? - I forgot.- Ha-ha!
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I don't know what you're laughing at, Miss Baggy Flannel.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44What's this?
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Nic's vag looks like a baggy flannel.
0:02:46 > 0:02:48Yeah.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I-I don't know. I don't know.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54OK, no, so Periel walked in on me having a shower,
0:02:54 > 0:02:55she didn't even see my vagina,
0:02:55 > 0:02:58but now she's telling everyone that it looks like a flannel.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01A baggy flannel. I heard it squelch.
0:03:01 > 0:03:02That's disgusting.
0:03:02 > 0:03:04What? You haven't even seen it.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Hey, can you go outside?
0:03:06 > 0:03:07Look, she doesn't even have an ashtray!
0:03:07 > 0:03:11Oh, for God's sakes! Oh, do you know what? Fine!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I will go to my room!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15I'm not sending you to your room, it's just...
0:03:15 > 0:03:19No, do you know, I'm not going to sit here and be criticised
0:03:19 > 0:03:21and told that my vagina is disgusting,
0:03:21 > 0:03:23when I have been told, in no uncertain terms,
0:03:23 > 0:03:28in these exact terms actually, that it "does the job grand".
0:03:28 > 0:03:29So, yeah!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Ollie? Ollie! Come on, Ollie, wake up.
0:03:45 > 0:03:46Good morning, beautiful.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Wake up, come on, your sister's looking for you.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- I don't want to go. - Yeah, well, I don't care.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53You make me laugh.
0:03:56 > 0:03:59OK, your fly is undone, but your trousers are still on,
0:03:59 > 0:04:00that instils some faith.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Look, Ollie, um, I don't really remember
0:04:03 > 0:04:07what happened last night and I don't really...
0:04:07 > 0:04:08We had sex.
0:04:08 > 0:04:11Oh, God, if you'd just let me finish!
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Are you sure?
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Yeah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Fuck!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Was I good?
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Yeah.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22Oh, no.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28The other day, I was on my phone and I did this.
0:04:28 > 0:04:32It didn't work that time. Like this.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36"All right, see you later, goodbye. Cheerio."
0:04:42 > 0:04:44It's not working now. Whatever.
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Alex, are you following me on Twitter yet?
0:04:46 > 0:04:49- Yes.- Tom, are you?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51Yeah. How many followers have you got now?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Um...
0:04:58 > 0:04:59..two.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Still waiting on a follow-back from Ellen DeGeneres though,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05- so probably three.- Are you still pretending to be a lesbian?
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Pretending? I'm not pretending.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10Well, you are, because, I mean... You are.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Was that pretend?
0:05:32 > 0:05:36OK, so, picture this -
0:05:36 > 0:05:37when you wank,
0:05:37 > 0:05:39and I'll picture it as well,
0:05:39 > 0:05:41what do you think of, men or women?
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Er, nothing really, I just count how long it takes me to come
0:05:43 > 0:05:45and try and beat my record.
0:05:46 > 0:05:4823 seconds.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Fast.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52I think about men.
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Right.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Guys? Guys, what's the, um, date today?
0:05:57 > 0:05:5825th?
0:05:58 > 0:06:00- 28th?- Sunday, I think.
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Today feels like a Sunday to me.
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Or a Tuesday.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06OK, well, can you check?
0:06:06 > 0:06:09Why? Is it your birthday or something?
0:06:09 > 0:06:11No.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Is it my birthday? - I don't know, Periel, is it?
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Is it June?- February.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Then, no.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Oh, my God! You'll never guess what time it is.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24Guys...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- 11 o'clock? - Much later than you think.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28- 12?- Later.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31- Guys...- Two o'clock? - Earlier - not much, though.
0:06:31 > 0:06:341.41? 1.42? 1.43? 1.44? 1.45?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Guys, seriously!
0:06:38 > 0:06:401.49?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42No, Tom, it's 1.33.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44Hmm, close.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47Now it's 1.34. Isn't that much later than you thought?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- You thought it was June. - Hmm, and the date is the 23rd.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Well, seriously, the landlord is coming round.
0:06:52 > 0:06:53- Why?- Who?
0:06:53 > 0:06:57"On Sunday 23rd, the landlord will be visiting the property in order
0:06:57 > 0:07:01"to ascertain if the agreed level of cleanliness has been maintained.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03"And if satisfied, will offer the tenants
0:07:03 > 0:07:05"the opportunity to renew their contracts."
0:07:05 > 0:07:09Why, or who, just shoved this on the fridge?
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- Nic.- Nic.
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Yes, Nic.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Right, OK, well, we need to start tidying now.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20Hmm, well, what was the "agreed level of cleanliness"?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Probably cleaner than this, Periel.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25OK, well...
0:07:42 > 0:07:46OK, I'm going to need you to not tell anyone about this.
0:07:51 > 0:07:52Why?
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Well, there are about 800 reasons why!
0:07:56 > 0:08:00Like, I'm friends with your sister, well, I live with your sister
0:08:00 > 0:08:02and, and also you are ten years old.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- I'm 16! - Yeah, well, I'm...not.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08I'm sure you told me that you were older than that last night.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13Look, I'm going to need you to not tell your sister about this, OK?
0:08:13 > 0:08:19Or your parents, or your teachers, or anyone else.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Can you do that for me? Will you promise me that you'll do that?
0:08:22 > 0:08:23OK, I promise.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28- They all think I've done it before, anyway.- Done what - me?
0:08:28 > 0:08:30No, no, they all thought I'd lost my V anyway.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I love you, Nic.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- Oh, please, stop talking. - I do.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42No, no, no, no. You don't love me.
0:08:42 > 0:08:44You don't even know me.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47You just had sex with me, right, that's different.
0:08:47 > 0:08:51That's just, that's... I have sex with loads of people all the time,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53and that is not love.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57That is low self-esteem. Trust me.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11Couldn't jump it. Couldn't jump that.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21No, that goes down here, in here.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22Right.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25I can probably do it better anyway, I'm more flexible.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Yeah, you were showing everyone that last night.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29When?
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It was some sort of limbo thing.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32There was a limbo thing?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Not really, I don't know what it was.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Oh, no, I remember when those guys kept asking me to bend over.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40They didn't ask, you just did it.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42No, I mean, it's fine. I don't mind, my body can bend.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I once woke up with both legs behind my head.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47- Literally. - Where's Nic?
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Rude!
0:09:51 > 0:09:54OK. Who eats out of this, The Borrowers or something?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Where does that go? Do you want to put that away?
0:09:57 > 0:10:00No, that's mine. It goes right in my cupboard.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12OK, so if anyone asks you, you say that you stayed
0:10:12 > 0:10:15at a mate's house that you met in a bar last night.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17'Nic?'
0:10:17 > 0:10:18Shit! Hide!
0:10:18 > 0:10:21- Where?- Anywhere, just...
0:10:21 > 0:10:22'Nicola?!'
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Full name, good.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28Yeah, just, er, um... Two... Two minutes!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Don't come up, don't come in!
0:10:30 > 0:10:31(Oh, for f...!)
0:10:33 > 0:10:34(Oh!)
0:10:34 > 0:10:36'Nicola?!'
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Fuck it!
0:10:45 > 0:10:47'Nicola?!'
0:10:52 > 0:10:55- Good morning.- Do you look at these before you shove them on the fridge?
0:10:55 > 0:10:58- Am I supposed to know what that is? - Are you taking the piss?
0:10:58 > 0:10:59The landlord is coming round today!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05- What the hell is that? - A fire. I put it out.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Yeah, saved all our lives. No, don't worry about it.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10- A fire from what? - A cigarette.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14How many times? This is a non-smoking house!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17It's in the contract. We could get kicked out for this!
0:11:17 > 0:11:20I mean, I have asthma and, like, it's getting worse
0:11:20 > 0:11:21even being in here now, like...
0:11:21 > 0:11:22SHE GASPS
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Holly, I also have asthma
0:11:24 > 0:11:27and yet I still manage to smoke over 20 cigarettes a day.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30So just look what you can do if you put your mind to it.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33Now, you go downstairs and I'll look after these charred remains.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34I'll be there in a minute.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37- PHONE VIBRATES - 'Get on all fours. Suck my balls.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- 'If you can't take more...' - Is that...?- Our neighbour.
0:11:40 > 0:11:41Yeah, he plays it all the time.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Surprisingly catchy.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44I'm going to speak to him,
0:11:44 > 0:11:47- because you shouldn't have to live with that.- Could you? Please.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48That is so unreasonable!
0:11:48 > 0:11:49I mean, he's a musical terrorist.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51That is ridiculous!
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Jesus!
0:11:54 > 0:11:56Ollie...
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Can I keep these?- No, you can't!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01They're part of a set. I'll get you another pair.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Here, put your hand on my stomach.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I don't have any free hands.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27- Why?- You'll see. Just do it.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37- Good, innit?- Yep.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Er, where does this go?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41You left way too early last night.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42Holly was tired.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I did that, and everyone just went mental,
0:12:45 > 0:12:47which I believe confirms the reason why I didn't get into RADA
0:12:47 > 0:12:50was because that panellist woman was a jealous bitch,
0:12:50 > 0:12:52not because I can't do physical theatre.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I CAN do physical theatre.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Look, I'm really good at physical theatre.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58I CAN do physical theatre, honestly.
0:13:00 > 0:13:01Aarrgghhhh!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Aarrgghhhhhh!
0:13:10 > 0:13:13You didn't really get into RADA because the diet pills you took
0:13:13 > 0:13:16for six days before the audition, they made you collapse.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19- No, but then...- Three times.
0:13:19 > 0:13:21- Yeah, but... - Then you pissed yourself.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25- Did you pull last night?- No.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- No?- No, I think guys don't ask me because they feel intimidated
0:13:29 > 0:13:32or probably assume I've already got a boyfriend.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35Yeah, that's what it is(!) Does this go down there?
0:13:35 > 0:13:36I don't know where it goes.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38You just want me to bend over again, don't you?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41No. No, I don't, no. Genuinely, I just... I don't know where it goes.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- Does it go down there?- Yes. - Just say that, then. Please.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:13:58 > 0:14:00SHE MOUTHS SILENTLY
0:14:02 > 0:14:03(Where's Holly?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05(Oh, come on, Periel, help me out.)
0:14:05 > 0:14:09If you can't shift it, don't shag it.
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Oh, come on!
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Call me, yeah?- No!
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Yeah, I can only get the money on Monday when I sign on.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Am I the only one tidying in this house?
0:14:30 > 0:14:32Pardon me a second, would you?
0:14:32 > 0:14:33Look, I'm cleaning!
0:14:34 > 0:14:35PICTURE SMASHES
0:14:35 > 0:14:39- That was mine.- I literally have no money to pay you back.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40- Yeah, it was my nan's.- Or her.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- She's dead, Periel.- Ah. Well, she won't mind, will she?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47What's that...? Those are my... Why are you cleaning with my knickers?!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49One more minute.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Sorry! I thought it was an old, frayed, dirty rag!
0:14:52 > 0:14:53SHE BREATHES OUT
0:14:53 > 0:14:54OK. Just...
0:14:54 > 0:14:56clean in here with a cloth
0:14:56 > 0:14:58and hurry the fuck up!
0:14:58 > 0:15:00And spray something.
0:15:00 > 0:15:01DOORBELL RINGS
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Sorry about that. Please do go on.
0:15:06 > 0:15:10Yeah, yeah, it's awful what they're doing to the cats.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13DOORBELL RINGS
0:15:13 > 0:15:16Leave that, it's Jehovah Witnesses. Bastards!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Well, it might be the landlord.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22STAMMERING: We...we could pretend we're not in.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24He has a key! And he can hear you.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Right.
0:15:28 > 0:15:32- Ollie?! What are you doing? - Oh, my God, it's Ollie!
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Are you OK? I've been trying to ring you. What have you been doing?
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- Well, I...- Oh, my God, it's Ollie! - Where have you been?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I just stayed in...
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- No, he didn't.- A mate's house?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45Well, Mum's been really worried about you. She's going to go mad.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47- Fuck Mum!- Ollie!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Get that out of your mouth now! And go home!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52We've got dinner with Nana later.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Ollie...is that foam on your back?
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Oh, God, that's right, Holly. I just remembered...
0:16:04 > 0:16:08Ollie... He went to a foam party last night,
0:16:08 > 0:16:11and that...that shit just does not dissolve like you'd think.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13Are you, um...?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- PHONE VIBRATES - 'Get on all fours. Suck my balls.'
0:16:16 > 0:16:19Oh, it's a popular ringtone that, but, listen, phew, we found him.
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Thank God! We found Ollie. But listen, I'm going to just...
0:16:22 > 0:16:23Tell me you haven't slept with my brother.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I haven't slept with your brother.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- Nic?- Yes?
0:16:29 > 0:16:30OK, I doubt it.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Ow!
0:16:33 > 0:16:38OK, I accept that, and now we can move on.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41How fucking dare you?! With my... What is wrong with you?!
0:16:41 > 0:16:45- Well, a combination of things. - Don't answer that!
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Just go, leave now! Seriously, fuck off!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Well, where am I supposed to...? Do you know what, Holly?
0:16:51 > 0:16:54Yeah, I will go, actually, and not because you're telling me to go,
0:16:54 > 0:16:55but cos I want to!
0:16:55 > 0:16:59Because you are the biggest fucking quim
0:16:59 > 0:17:02I have ever come across in my life, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04You can keep your threatening e-mails
0:17:04 > 0:17:07and your bullshit Post-it notes and your faked orgasms,
0:17:07 > 0:17:10which, by the way, I hear every fucking night!
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Because we don't get on, Holly. Nor do I even want to!
0:17:13 > 0:17:15So, yeah, I'm out of here, man, yeah!
0:17:15 > 0:17:19So, yeah, I am, so you can split the rent three ways,
0:17:19 > 0:17:22unless that black hole of a charisma that is your choad of a boyfriend
0:17:22 > 0:17:24ever decides to put his hand in his pocket!
0:17:24 > 0:17:26I'll just go pack though, first.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Being single is fine.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I've been single ever since that guy I dated
0:17:33 > 0:17:36turned out to be a 12-year-old girl.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37Do you remember Carla?
0:17:39 > 0:17:41But I'm fine.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Just a bit bored and inescapably alone.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46We could go lesbo together.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49I wonder whatever happened to Carla.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52So what are you saying? You think he likes you? Are you sure?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56Well, he asked if I'd pulled.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Basically, asked me to bend over.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03He clearly wanted to stay out last night.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Do you think I should talk to Holly about it?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09I don't want to be a home-wrecker or anything.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11But he's obviously a man craving excitement,
0:18:11 > 0:18:13and that's what I can provide.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Yeah.
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Can you bring me in a cup of tea?
0:18:18 > 0:18:21Can you, er, pop the kettle on?
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Cup of tea, yeah.
0:18:25 > 0:18:27SONG: Shimmy Shimmy Ya by Ol Dirty Bastard
0:18:33 > 0:18:34That's mine.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40That's mine.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41# Yes, baby, we like it raw
0:18:41 > 0:18:43# Oh, baby we like it raw
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# Yes, baby, we like it raw
0:18:46 > 0:18:48# Shimmy shimmy ya
0:18:48 > 0:18:50# Shimmy yay shimmy yay
0:18:50 > 0:18:52# Gimme me mic I will take it away...#
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Oh, hey. Um, hey.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Are you one of the girls that live next door?
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Er...er, from next door?
0:19:02 > 0:19:03Yes, I'm from next door.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05Cool.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Er, sorry to be the annoying neighbour here,
0:19:07 > 0:19:09but can I ask you guys just to keep it down?
0:19:09 > 0:19:12It's only during the day, cos I work Saturday nights
0:19:12 > 0:19:16and I can...hear you guys... ferreting around.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19Oh, God, yes. I'm so sorry.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Sorry, this isn't... This isn't actually how-how I look.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Sorry, this is...
0:19:23 > 0:19:26This is actually how I look, sorry.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29Just, well, actually, normally I look a lot better,
0:19:29 > 0:19:31- but, um, we're having a clear-out. - Yeah.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34Sorry, you work nights, you say?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37I work Saturday nights, yeah, and I can just appreciate...
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Sorry, yeah, what... What is it that you do?
0:19:39 > 0:19:43I'm DJ Dee Danger. I'm a DJ.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Oh, my God, no way! I love DJs.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Oh, well, not all DJs. Most of them are shite.
0:19:49 > 0:19:51But it kind of depends on the music.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52What kind of music do you play?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- Dubstep, mainly.- Good.- Yeah?
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Dubstep... I love all that... Dee...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee...
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Digga-digga-digga-digga... Ding-ding-ding-ding...
0:20:03 > 0:20:05Digga-digga-digga, ding-ding... Yeah.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08Yeah, it's all that noise with no discernible sense of rhythm.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- Cool, just...- Wait, wait.
0:20:12 > 0:20:16Um, God, it's mad seeing your neighbours, isn't it?
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Yeah, I guess, yeah.
0:20:17 > 0:20:22Yeah, this is like, when does that normally happen in London?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I just didn't even think neighbours existed.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27I thought they were some kind of conspiracy. Huh!
0:20:27 > 0:20:30No, not obviously a real conspiracy. I'm not some kind of psycho.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Argh! SHE LAUGHS
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Your face!
0:20:33 > 0:20:35You're hilarious.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Um, you should come round some time, for like a drink or...
0:20:38 > 0:20:41and we could apologise about all the noise.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Sure, yeah.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44Yeah? Oh, well, then, pfff, what, like, tomorrow?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- Sure.- Yeah, what time? Like five, six, seven, what?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Er, seven.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Yeah, well, OK, great. Great. Well, we'll see you then.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Um, I'm Nic, by the way.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56DJ Dee Danger.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58OK. Well, um...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01I'll see you tomorrow...
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Mr Danger.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Yeah, DJ Dee Danger.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09DJ Dee Danger, yeah, good, OK.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- OK.- Cool.- Yeah, no.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Oh, my fucking God, you little piece of fucking...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- Oh...- ..ar...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20This came. It's got your address on.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22- No way. Our address?- Yeah.
0:21:22 > 0:21:26What? Oh, do you know what this is now, D-D-Danger?
0:21:26 > 0:21:29It's the tenancy agreement and the amount is...
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Bye!
0:21:33 > 0:21:34# Shimmy shimmy ya
0:21:34 > 0:21:36# Shimmy yay shimmy yay
0:21:36 > 0:21:38# Gimme me my mic and I will take it away
0:21:38 > 0:21:41# Wu-Tang Clan was the kung fu king... #
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Bonjour!
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Mange tout!
0:21:48 > 0:21:50Classic Tom.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54After all that, the contract from the landlord.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56All of what? You didn't DO anything.
0:21:56 > 0:21:59No, but imagine if I had. I would be pissed!
0:21:59 > 0:22:02Well, we don't want you to move back in, Nic.
0:22:03 > 0:22:07OK. You're mad at me. I understand that,
0:22:07 > 0:22:11but I have been doing some thinking and I believe I've had an epiphany.
0:22:11 > 0:22:13You left two minutes ago.
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Yes, well, my time in exile proved fruitful.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21And you're right, Holly. We should all be doing more cleaning,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23myself included.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24Yeah, that wasn't the issue.
0:22:24 > 0:22:27- No.- You used my brother as your rent boy.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29- Seriously, what do you want? A lock of fucking hair?!- No!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Sorry! I can't take this any more.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35You can cut the tension in here with a knife.
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Holly, I don't know how to say this
0:22:36 > 0:22:38without sounding like your boyfriend fancies me,
0:22:38 > 0:22:41but I get the impression your boyfriend fancies me.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43When did I say I fancied you?
0:22:43 > 0:22:45You don't have to. You can't stop looking at me.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47You're looking at me right now.
0:22:47 > 0:22:50- You're still looking at me. - I'm not looking...
0:22:50 > 0:22:53See, even as I'm saying this, you can't take your eyes off me.
0:22:53 > 0:22:57I mean, I don't mind, personally, but sisters over misters, Tom.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Holly should know.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Er, thank you.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09DOORBELL RINGS
0:23:11 > 0:23:13(I'm just going to go and get that.)
0:23:17 > 0:23:18What?
0:23:18 > 0:23:20That's her.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Um, yeah, we're...
0:23:22 > 0:23:24We know Ollie.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27And, um, can we see your tits?
0:23:29 > 0:23:30You most certainly can't!
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Wait now, what, for money or something, is it?
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Um, £6?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Right, yeah, go on, then.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47That's it.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Good day to you all!
0:23:53 > 0:23:56MUSIC: Here Comes The Hotstepper by InI Kamoze
0:23:56 > 0:23:59# Nah, na na na nah, na na na nah, na na nah, na na nah, na na na nah
0:24:02 > 0:24:04- # Here comes the hotstepper - Murderer
0:24:04 > 0:24:06- # I'm the lyrical gangster - Murderer
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- # Big up the crew in-a de area - Murderer
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- # Still love you like that - Murderer
0:24:11 > 0:24:14# No, no, we don't die
0:24:14 > 0:24:17# Yes, we multiply
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# Anyone press will hear the fat lady sing... #
0:24:23 > 0:24:25SHE SIGHS
0:24:27 > 0:24:28Nearly finished yet?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Yeah.- Two minutes.- In a minute.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Jesus, will someone tell that woman to stop shouting?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38Holly, stop shouting!
0:24:38 > 0:24:40No wonder DJ Danger complained.