0:00:00 > 0:00:02Feed my funny!
0:00:02 > 0:00:05Fresh experimental comedy from BBC Three.
0:00:05 > 0:00:08HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:00:21 > 0:00:24Morning. I've got some good news and I got some bad news.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- Morning, Perry. - Oh, hello, I'm Hardip.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27What's with this kid?
0:00:27 > 0:00:29How comes he never remembers my name?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31- We actually think he's face blind. - That's not a thing.
0:00:31 > 0:00:32It is a thing. It said so on the internet
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and that is 80% right half of the time.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36I'm actually quite impressed, Hardip.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38In all the time you've been Jake's newsreader,
0:00:38 > 0:00:40this is the first time I've actually seen you read a paper.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43He's not reading. He's currently halfway through
0:00:43 > 0:00:45a brand-new game called Cocks on Heads and Farts on Arses.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Oh, God, not her, she's gone missing.
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I'm not surprised she's gone missing with a big cock on her forehead
0:00:50 > 0:00:51and a fart coming out of her arse.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Why do you hold on to this schmuck?
0:00:53 > 0:00:54- Me and Jake are mates. - Jake and I.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57He does have a lovely speaking voice.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59And, between you and me, he doesn't mind working Christmas.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Oh, I get it. Tick-tick, box-box.
0:01:02 > 0:01:04Anyway, what's your good news?
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Lincoln Jones is dead.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10- What? - He died an hour ago.
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Live on air.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14How is that good news?
0:01:14 > 0:01:18He's given you a golden opportunity to inherit his radio show.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21Perry, I think an appropriate period of mourning should be,
0:01:21 > 0:01:22well, at least a morning.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26Jakey, Jakey. This is a blessing in disguise.
0:01:26 > 0:01:27It's a pretty good disguise.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29- So what's the bad news then? - What do you mean?
0:01:29 > 0:01:31You said you had good news and bad news.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32That's just some bollocks agents say.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34I don't know, it's bad for him, he's dead.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- It's bad for old Wilf. - Who's Wilf?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39His missus. Widow...I'd...Like...
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Fine.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43You know the phrase, "It's what he would have wanted"?
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Well, this is definitely not what he would have wanted.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48This is your big chance. Do you want this breakfast show or not?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51No way. I like my little late-night home.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54I can play the music I like, no prank calls, silly voices,
0:01:54 > 0:01:57meaningless catchphrases, posse of sycophants, no.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59I'd rather be buried alive.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01With Lincoln Jones.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06JAKE: Lincoln Jones was a legend.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Who can forget his innovative pranks, his infectious catchphrases
0:02:10 > 0:02:13and of course... the definitive posse?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Martin Silly Voice, Flatulent Sarah.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19And The Egg. To Lincoln.
0:02:19 > 0:02:22ALL: To Lincoln.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24WHISTLES
0:02:24 > 0:02:26- Oh! - I told you, didn't I?
0:02:26 > 0:02:28A little bit of widow works wonders on a girl.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30I hope you didn't put that in the card.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32No, no, no.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34You would, though, wouldn't you?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Well, yes, if she hadn't just lost her husband.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39She's lovely, she always has been. Remember that band she was in?
0:02:39 > 0:02:42That video is still my go-to on safe search.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44Yeah, I tell you something,
0:02:44 > 0:02:47you know she's got a little bit of a thing for breakfast show hosts?
0:02:47 > 0:02:48I said no and I meant it.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53That was before I really started to persuade you.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Listen, I could wangle you a family fuck bucket-sized deal from this.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59I don't want a family fuck bucket.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01Who doesn't want a family fuck bucket?
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I don't want a family fuck bucket! And stop saying it, it's disgusting.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06# What the fun! What the fun!
0:03:06 > 0:03:08# Big Shane
0:03:08 > 0:03:10# What The Fun FM. #
0:03:10 > 0:03:13'Wakey-wakey, you lazy bar snack.'
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Was that What The Fun FM?
0:03:16 > 0:03:20'..But he says he once ate a slice of pizza at the zoo.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24'What was it, a zebra-oni? What other pizzas might you find in a zoo?
0:03:24 > 0:03:25'What about a...'
0:03:25 > 0:03:27Oh, come on, Marga-cheetah.
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Oh, that's a good one.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30'What about Margo-rhinoceros.'
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- That's a better one. - How is that better?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35- He said it in a silly voice. - It's an accent, he's Australian.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39'Pancakes in a mental institute one minute, pizzas in a zoo the next...'
0:03:39 > 0:03:41How can you do a show like that?
0:03:41 > 0:03:43You did the right thing not to go for the breakfast show.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44How do you mean?
0:03:44 > 0:03:46Well, no-one stands a chance against Big Shane, do they?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48He's just, you know...fun.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Fun? I'm fun.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53Yeah...
0:03:53 > 0:03:57'Cross the night with Jake Cross.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00'Completely Radio.'
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Right, let's have a listen to this.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's brand new from a band called Bipolar Sunshine.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Then Hardip will be here with the news and then later in the show
0:04:06 > 0:04:10we have Ryan Gosling taking part in the A-List Playlist.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Oh, and just for a bit of fun,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14let me know the craziest place you've ever eaten a pizza.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Why are you stealing Big Shane's idea?
0:04:17 > 0:04:18I'm not stealing it, I'm being ironic.
0:04:18 > 0:04:23Oh, my God, there's breaking news. Chemical plant has blown up in India.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24Mum...
0:04:24 > 0:04:26I thought your mum lived in Watford.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29What? Yes, she does, it's just these words are stressing me out.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31- Mum... - Mumbai.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Mum-bai.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Like a low-rent supermarket. KNOCKING
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Thanks, Jake.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39Oh, God, now what? Another crisis looms.
0:04:39 > 0:04:41You know, I find I have to talent manage HER.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42I'm supposed to be the twat,
0:04:42 > 0:04:45the presenter is supposed to be the twat, not the producer.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46I want to be the twat!
0:04:46 > 0:04:48What? What?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51- Why can't I be the twat? - Maybe her dog died.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53It probably killed itself.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57- 'Deep News. - With Hardip Benson.'
0:04:57 > 0:04:59It's 11 o'clock.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Here is the latest Completely Radio news.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05There's been a gas explosion at a chemical plant
0:05:05 > 0:05:07in the Indian city of Mum-bai.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09BANGS TABLE AND SOBS
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Oh, God, Jake! Bloody disaster!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Harry Stiles finally unfollowed you?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18No, it's not that.
0:05:18 > 0:05:19- Blocked? - No, Jake.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22It's Ryan Gosling.
0:05:22 > 0:05:23He's not going to make it.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Do you mean to the show? Or had a terrible accident?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's just so sad, you know...
0:05:28 > 0:05:32When I spoke to his manager's assistant's PA's intern on the phone,
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I just felt like Ryan and I had this connection.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Stupid, I know! He's with someone.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40A movie star girlfriend is certainly an obstacle.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- You never know. - Although, if he has a fetish
0:05:43 > 0:05:45for blind optimism from a divorcee
0:05:45 > 0:05:48who owns a One Direction pencil case, then you are in with a shout.
0:05:48 > 0:05:49Do you think?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Mm. - Oh, thank you, Jake.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54I know you're only saying it to make me feel better,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56but I really appreciate that.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00- That's nice. - Waste of bloody paper!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04OK, that's it for another night.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Apologies to those of you who tuned in to hear Ryan Gosling,
0:06:06 > 0:06:08but he was unable to make it.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11It says here, "Due to prior commitments."
0:06:11 > 0:06:13See you same time tomorrow night.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17- 'Jake Cross. - Crossing off the night.'
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Wait, THE Commitments?
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Ryan Gosling blew me out for the "The Commitments",
0:06:22 > 0:06:24the musical about a shit Irish cover band?
0:06:24 > 0:06:26- Yeah. - Oh!
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Hiya.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Another one for the collection.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32All right? All right, Ian?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Actually, it's Jake now. I've changed it.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37OK, that's absolutely not weird at all.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Morning, ladies. - How did you get in?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51- I've got some keys. - Who's this?
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Morning, fish brain. - How have you got keys?
0:06:53 > 0:06:55Your cleaner. I fucked her.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57But she's so lovely and sweet.
0:06:57 > 0:06:58And...old.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Yeah, it wasn't a good one for me, if I'm honest.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- Oh, I'll pass on your feedback. - Also, you need a new bog brush.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04- You didn't? - No, no, no,
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Gabriella isn't into all that.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Different generation, I guess.
0:07:08 > 0:07:11But she just told me to tell you. Right, down to business.
0:07:11 > 0:07:16- Oh, no, now what? - You, sir...are welcome.
0:07:16 > 0:07:21You are now the proud owner of the Completely Radio breakfast show.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22That's strange.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I seem to remember asking for the exact opposite of that.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Yeah, I know. And I thought, hang a trout,
0:07:27 > 0:07:30he doesn't know what he's saying no to. So what did I do?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I got you a two-week trial period starting Friday.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36If after two weeks you say no, I'll take the hint,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38and never mention it again. Scouts' honour.
0:07:38 > 0:07:42The answer is no. What part of no don't you understand?
0:07:42 > 0:07:45Listen, you've got to trust me, Jake. This is what I do.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Me and you go back a long way.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50And I've never let you down yet.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56# Completely Breakfast Show
0:07:56 > 0:07:59# With Jake Cross. #
0:07:59 > 0:08:00OK, a special treat for you now.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Not normally allowed on the breakfast show,
0:08:02 > 0:08:05but a band I absolutely love called Bipolar Sunshine.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08And coming up next we have our special guest, Ryan Gosling,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10as in actually in the building.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Fantastic, Jake, really nice, man, sounding great.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16- Er, about Ryan Gosling. - Oh, has he pulled out?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19No, no, he's here. I just wanted to give you the interview notes.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, OK. Great. Thank you very much.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Did you not like your breakfast banquet?
0:08:24 > 0:08:28No, no, I loved it. It's just I'm not Henry VIII, that's all.
0:08:28 > 0:08:29- Wow! - What?
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Oh, nothing, we just don't get many historical references around here.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36OK. Can I ask you a question?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Of course. - About the costume.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Are you wearing that in honour of Lincoln Jones?
0:08:40 > 0:08:43Or are you, you know...weird?
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Oh, no, this is for Hardip.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- So we can recognise me. - Of course, face blind.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Oh, this came for you earlier. - Oh, invitation.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Yeah, to the Soho Apple Yard.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56More of a pear kind of guy, to be honest.
0:08:56 > 0:08:59No, no, it's like THE coolest place in town.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I know. Not really interested in another celebrity wankerthon
0:09:01 > 0:09:04with people who aren't friends pretending to be friends. No, thanks.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06OK, cool, I'll just let Mr Gosling know.
0:09:06 > 0:09:07Er, Mr Gosling?
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Sorry, is it for tonight?
0:09:09 > 0:09:13# Oh, let's make it unmissable
0:09:14 > 0:09:16# Make it unmissable
0:09:18 > 0:09:21# Oh, let's make it unmissable... #
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Oi, you poof!
0:09:24 > 0:09:27Ah-ha-ha! You turned around, so the rumours are true.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31Oh! G'day, Big Shane, you flamin' galah! Always a pleasure.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33And always that joke.
0:09:33 > 0:09:36Look, sit down, let's have a convo, park your arse.
0:09:36 > 0:09:38- Why do you hate me, mate? - Cheese!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41- What have I ever done to you? - I don't hate you.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yeah, but you're just constantly giving me niggle.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- That's not true. - It is, it's all,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49g'day this, and you flamin' galah that.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- What's so bad about that? - I'm not Australian.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- What? - I'm a fucking Kiwi!
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Oh, my God, Big Shane.
0:09:56 > 0:10:00Australia? I spent my gap year in Sydney.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03Oh-ho, the Windy City, it's my home town.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Come meet my friends. - I would love to meet your friends.
0:10:06 > 0:10:08Windy city?
0:10:08 > 0:10:10I'll catch you in a little bit, mate,
0:10:10 > 0:10:13I'm just going to get the old didgeridoo blown,
0:10:13 > 0:10:15or as I like to call it, the didgericock.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Yeah, definitely hate him.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Good morning, Mr Party.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27Hey, here I am, the ledge.
0:10:27 > 0:10:30- You - all over the papers. - Am I? Let's have a look.
0:10:30 > 0:10:34Jake Cross, temporary host of the Completely Radio breakfast show
0:10:34 > 0:10:38certainly knows how to make the most of his evenings off
0:10:38 > 0:10:39as he parties with rocking Gosling
0:10:39 > 0:10:42and mystery women at the Soho Apple Yard.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Not really me, is it?
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Yeah, it is. Look, you - the lanky one.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48No, I don't mean...
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Oh, thanks for drawing a cock on my head, by the way.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51And a fart on her arse.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Hello.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54And you're trending on Twitter.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Do you think I could do the breakfast show full time?
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Would it mean there were fit girls in the kitchen more often?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02Do it on my own terms, you know. Keep the integrity, don't dumb down.
0:11:02 > 0:11:06Dumb up, if anything. I'm going to go in and work on a master plan.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07See you.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Perry, it's Jake.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Give me a call back, I need to talk to you about breakfast. I'm in.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18- Oh, hello. - Hi, Jake.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23What are you doing here?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25You know, widow stuff.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27- A pain in the arse, all this. - Yeah, I can imagine.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Well, I mean, I can't imagine being a widow, but...
0:11:30 > 0:11:33nobody said it was easy.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37And time will fix you, I'm sure.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40Jake, don't do that, stop being weird.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42I've had four days of people talking to me like that.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46I feel like I'm stuck in a fucking Coldplay album. Just be normal.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Er, you can't do that in here.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I can do what I like, I'm grieving.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53Yeah, but when we get to the top, they're going to go...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56OK, that's normal.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59I've been meaning to talk to you, actually.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Really? What about?
0:12:00 > 0:12:01What the fuck are you doing
0:12:01 > 0:12:04fannying around with Ryan Gosling at the Apple Yard?
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Oh, I'm just having a bit of a blowout.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Really enjoying doing the breakfast show.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10Actually, I might go for it full time.
0:12:10 > 0:12:11Why?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Because of the fannying around and the Ryan Gosling fun.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15For God's sake, Jake,
0:12:15 > 0:12:18you're one of the few people left with a bit of integrity.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19Don't fall in with those wankers.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Yeah, but Lincoln did the breakfast show.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24He hated it. He hated it so much that he died.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26But it wasn't specifically that, though.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28In a way, yes, it was.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31He started off thinking that it was the best thing ever.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33Everyone else was like, "It's the best thing ever."
0:12:33 > 0:12:35But when it came to it, it turned out to be
0:12:35 > 0:12:38an overhyped, hollow bag of shit. Just like Breaking Bad.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Whoa, Breaking Bad is brilliant.
0:12:40 > 0:12:43You're wrong. And I've just lost my husband, so shut your face.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Look, I'm just saying,
0:12:44 > 0:12:46you're on to a really good thing here with your evening show.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49It's funny, good new music, and guess who aren't morons?
0:12:49 > 0:12:54I love listening to it. Lincoln loved listening to it.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Really? I had no idea.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Yeah, he was so jealous that you got to do what he wanted
0:12:58 > 0:13:01whilst he was stuck there interviewing, in his words,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03"a bottomless barrel of bell-ends."
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It's all the same with those happy daytime shows.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Don't even get me started on the brunch show.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10A meal wankers eat and a show wankers listen to.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17Just think carefully about what you want, Jake. You're a good guy.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20And you look really nice in that jacket too.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Perry? It's Jake again. Why won't you answer your phone?
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Look, forget my earlier message, I have my principles,
0:13:29 > 0:13:33my integrity, my loyal fans, and I don't want to pander to the idiots.
0:13:33 > 0:13:36So fuck fame, fuck money, fuck Ryan Gosling, fuck your bucket.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38I don't want to leave my show.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40And to make sure I don't change my mind again,
0:13:40 > 0:13:42I'm going to draw a line under this.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45The leaders are currently six points clear at the top of the table,
0:13:45 > 0:13:49but will be without their star striker as he sustained
0:13:49 > 0:13:52an ankle injury, ruling him out for the rest of the season.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56One more bit of breaking news, guys. Hello, Jake Cross here.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59Just wanted to make a little statement about the breakfast show.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I've really enjoyed doing it and thank you for your feedback,
0:14:03 > 0:14:04it has been brilliant.
0:14:04 > 0:14:08But if I'm being honest with myself, it's not really for me,
0:14:08 > 0:14:11I prefer real music, real people, real radio.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15But don't worry, you can still catch me on my late-night show.
0:14:15 > 0:14:18Thank you for listening, that's the end of my statement.
0:14:19 > 0:14:23Um, and our final story is that earlier today,
0:14:23 > 0:14:27Completely Radio bosses agreed terms for our new breakfast
0:14:27 > 0:14:31show host to bring the sunshine back to early mornings.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Our newest signing... Well, I'll let him introduce himself...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38G'day, you clucking Mother Hubbards!
0:14:38 > 0:14:41I've switched sides. Not like that, ladies, calm down!
0:14:41 > 0:14:44It's Big Shane and I'm still in the game
0:14:44 > 0:14:48and the future starts on Monday at the crack of dawn!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Cor, that was embarrassing.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52I'm really sorry you had to find out like this.
0:14:52 > 0:14:53You knew about this?
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Why do you never answer your phone? You never answer your fucking phone!
0:14:56 > 0:15:00Hey, I'm your agent, it's my job to protect you from bad news.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03I mean...technically speaking, this isn't actually bad news.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Stop putting a positive spin on everything,
0:15:05 > 0:15:06you're worse than Goebbels!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Hey, you left a message on my phone saying you didn't want the job.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12I didn't! Not until Crocodile Dundee got it, from Twat FM.
0:15:12 > 0:15:15He is everything I hate about everything.
0:15:15 > 0:15:17He's actually very funny, all Australians are...
0:15:17 > 0:15:19He's from New Zealand!
0:15:19 > 0:15:20And I hate that I know that.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Come 'ere, ya massive dingo!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Bring it back in - boom! High-five!
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- This guy! - You two know each other?
0:15:29 > 0:15:32Yeah! Best bloody agent a bloody bloke could bloody well have!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34- You? - What did you say
0:15:34 > 0:15:38you'd hook me up with, what was it? A family sized butt-fucker of a deal!
0:15:38 > 0:15:39It's a family fuck-bucket.
0:15:39 > 0:15:44Well, anyway, I'm still getting paid more than a City whore on bonus day.
0:15:44 > 0:15:49Perry, a word. "Trust me", you said - "I've got your back", you said.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50"I ain't never let you down."
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Yet. I did say "yet".
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Great. Nice small point.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Listen, in these situations, it just makes sense to have
0:15:57 > 0:15:58two horses in the same race.
0:15:58 > 0:16:02That's the business, my love. And you're welcome, by the way.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06I've only gone and landed you a brand-new show.
0:16:06 > 0:16:07New show?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10The bosses here were so happy with what you did with the breakfast show,
0:16:10 > 0:16:12they're putting you on daytime.
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- Oh, God - no. - Yay, I missed you, brud!
0:16:22 > 0:16:24MAN 1: Munch your brunch...
0:16:24 > 0:16:25WOMAN: ..with Jake Cross...
0:16:25 > 0:16:28MAN 2: ..on Completely Radio FM.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31MAN 1: It's your hot cross brunch...
0:16:31 > 0:16:33MAN 2: ..coffee and croissants...
0:16:33 > 0:16:37WOMAN WHISPERS: ..with Jake Cross.
0:16:37 > 0:16:41MAN 2: Wouldn't you like Jake Cross to munch your brunch?