What a Cracker

0:00:02 > 0:00:04SMITHY: I love it!

0:00:04 > 0:00:08- Red Nose Day 2011! - CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:00:08 > 0:00:13This year's Red Nose Day was an absolute cracker!

0:00:13 > 0:00:16This is the most successful

0:00:16 > 0:00:18Red Nose Day ever!

0:00:18 > 0:00:22You raised more than £108 million.

0:00:22 > 0:00:26So, we want to say a big thank you

0:00:26 > 0:00:29and treat you to some of the best bits of Red Nose Day.

0:00:29 > 0:00:33Coming up... Billericay's favourite plumber - Smithy,

0:00:33 > 0:00:37Miranda, Peter Kay,

0:00:37 > 0:00:39- Alan Partridge... - See, now he's funny.

0:00:39 > 0:00:43Doctor Who, David Walliams,

0:00:43 > 0:00:45and so much more.

0:00:45 > 0:00:46CUCKOO SOUND

0:00:46 > 0:00:50These guys will be finding out how your money's being spent.

0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Very nice!- Yeah. - It's a packed hamper of goodies.

0:00:53 > 0:00:56Don't blink - you might miss something!

0:00:59 > 0:01:02Put it down before you get... Argh!

0:01:02 > 0:01:04I mean, I have done theatre, you know.

0:01:04 > 0:01:06Hello there!

0:01:13 > 0:01:15Hello!

0:01:15 > 0:01:17ALL: Thank you!

0:01:17 > 0:01:21You were so amazingly generous this year,

0:01:21 > 0:01:24I want to personally thank as many of you as possible.

0:01:24 > 0:01:27- Were you generous this year? - I was generous.- Yay!

0:01:27 > 0:01:30- Did you give any money to Comic Relief this year?- Yes.

0:01:30 > 0:01:33- Did you donate this year, Willie? - Oh, yes, I donated. - Thank you so much.

0:01:33 > 0:01:35# Thank you very much...

0:01:35 > 0:01:36How are you? Nice to see you.

0:01:36 > 0:01:40- How did you donate?- There's more to come. The box in the office.

0:01:40 > 0:01:43- The box... Is this?- No. - Wait a minute!

0:01:43 > 0:01:46The guy's obviously lying to me!

0:01:46 > 0:01:48These people don't work in Subway!

0:01:50 > 0:01:54- Did you donate this year? - I did, yes.- Yay!

0:01:54 > 0:01:58Let me take over for you. Were you going to comb his hair?

0:02:02 > 0:02:07# Nothing is so good it lasts eternally

0:02:08 > 0:02:14# Perfect situations must go wrong

0:02:16 > 0:02:21# But this has never yet prevented me

0:02:22 > 0:02:27# Wanting far too much for far too long

0:02:29 > 0:02:34# Looking back I could have played it differently

0:02:36 > 0:02:41# Won a few more moments Who can tell?

0:02:43 > 0:02:48# But it took time to understand the man

0:02:49 > 0:02:55# And now at least I know I know him well

0:02:55 > 0:02:58- # Wasn't it good? - Oh, so good

0:02:58 > 0:03:01- # Wasn't he fine? - Oh so fine

0:03:01 > 0:03:05- # Isn't it madness - Madness

0:03:05 > 0:03:09# He won't be mine

0:03:09 > 0:03:12# Didn't I know

0:03:12 > 0:03:14# How it would go

0:03:14 > 0:03:19# If I knew from the start

0:03:19 > 0:03:24# Why am I falling apart?

0:03:24 > 0:03:27# Wasn't it good?

0:03:27 > 0:03:29# Wasn't he fine?

0:03:29 > 0:03:32# Isn't it madness?

0:03:32 > 0:03:37# He won't be mine

0:03:37 > 0:03:42# But in the end he needs a little bit more than me

0:03:42 > 0:03:45# More security

0:03:45 > 0:03:50# He needs his fantasy and freedom

0:03:50 > 0:03:55# I know him so well

0:03:55 > 0:04:00# It took time to understand him

0:04:03 > 0:04:12# I know him so well. #

0:04:12 > 0:04:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:04:16 > 0:04:19- That went well, didn't it?- It did.

0:04:19 > 0:04:22I tell you now, I can't wait to get out of this bra.

0:04:22 > 0:04:25- Well hurry up, then. I want a cup of tea.- All right, keep your hair on.

0:04:25 > 0:04:27LAUGHTER

0:04:30 > 0:04:32'I'm a man on a mission.

0:04:32 > 0:04:35'I'm out to thank you - the Great British public.'

0:04:35 > 0:04:36- Hello.- Hi.- Hi.- Shhh.

0:04:36 > 0:04:40'The people who work at this office did their bit for Red Nose Day,

0:04:40 > 0:04:42'and I'm here to surprise them.'

0:04:42 > 0:04:44So, I'm going to walk into this office

0:04:44 > 0:04:47and they don't know I'm coming, which I have to say...

0:04:47 > 0:04:49It fills me with a little bit of anxiety.

0:04:49 > 0:04:52Because I don't know if they'll care.

0:04:52 > 0:04:57I did this once before. I went round Great Ormond Street Hospital.

0:04:57 > 0:05:01They asked me to do it and I was a little bit embarrassed because I'm not Princess Diana.

0:05:01 > 0:05:03And I walked into a hospital room

0:05:03 > 0:05:08and there was this 15-year-old coming round from his operation.

0:05:08 > 0:05:12I walked in and the parents, they obviously hadn't seen my work,

0:05:12 > 0:05:17and they thought I was the doctor. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life

0:05:17 > 0:05:19because I said, "So how is he?" And the parents said,

0:05:19 > 0:05:23"You tell us. Aren't you the specialist?" I said, "No, I'm a comedian."

0:05:23 > 0:05:26They said, "Why have they sent a comedian?" So this is a bit of a worry.

0:05:28 > 0:05:30E-Synergy!

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Yeah!

0:05:32 > 0:05:34APPLAUSE

0:05:34 > 0:05:38How are you? Bravo! Look at this, they're all in their stations.

0:05:38 > 0:05:42Yes, hello. Well done. Oh, look at you working hard!

0:05:42 > 0:05:46Very good, very good. Minimise the porn - I'm coming over!

0:05:46 > 0:05:48Very good, nice to meet you.

0:05:48 > 0:05:51I'm looking for... I feel like Ant and Dec!

0:05:51 > 0:05:53Tim Bunn - where's Tim Bunn?

0:05:54 > 0:05:56The Bunn Master!

0:05:56 > 0:06:00- Look at Tim Bunn! Hello, Tim Bunn. - Hello, Michael.

0:06:00 > 0:06:02- I'm Michael.- Nice to meet you.

0:06:02 > 0:06:04Well, we're here today from Comic Relief

0:06:04 > 0:06:06to thank you for what you did.

0:06:06 > 0:06:09We're basically going round, individually,

0:06:09 > 0:06:13- everybody who donated money, which is taking a while, - LAUGHTER

0:06:13 > 0:06:15to thank you for the tremendous work.

0:06:15 > 0:06:19Did you go out into the streets and raise money in fancy dress?

0:06:19 > 0:06:22Yeah, we did. We were all dressed up, we had different themes.

0:06:22 > 0:06:25- So who here took part in that? - Pretty much everyone.

0:06:25 > 0:06:28Everybody dressed up, all right. And what did you dress up as?

0:06:28 > 0:06:32- Chewbacca.- Very good. And how did that go, people were generous?

0:06:32 > 0:06:36- Yeah, yeah. It was pretty good. - Who's the boss?- Patrick. - Patrick's the boss. Brilliant!

0:06:36 > 0:06:40- One of the bosses. - Does your mum do your hair with her hand and spit?

0:06:40 > 0:06:42"Come on, Patrick, it's a big day at work today."

0:06:42 > 0:06:44LAUGHTER

0:06:44 > 0:06:47"All right, Patrick. Now, remember - you're the man, you're the man!

0:06:47 > 0:06:51"You're a tiger, Patrick, all right, darling."

0:06:51 > 0:06:56Anyway, very many congratulations. To say thank you from Comic Relief, I'm going to give you some time off.

0:06:56 > 0:07:00I'm going to be you and work at your station. An absolute pleasure.

0:07:00 > 0:07:03Oh, this is great!

0:07:03 > 0:07:05I'm quite nervous about my debut.

0:07:05 > 0:07:06PHONE RINGS

0:07:06 > 0:07:08The phone is ringing, the phone is ringing.

0:07:08 > 0:07:10Tim Bunn!

0:07:10 > 0:07:15- This is Tim Bunn's... It's Synen... Senergenic. - LAUGHTER

0:07:15 > 0:07:17Can I take your details, please?

0:07:17 > 0:07:20I need a pen!

0:07:20 > 0:07:25- Thank you for calling E-Synen... Synerenergy - bye! - APPLAUSE

0:07:25 > 0:07:27What great fun to meet these guys.

0:07:27 > 0:07:31They've done a wonderful thing, as have so many of you.

0:07:41 > 0:07:45This is proper rubbish, how am I going to sort this mess out?

0:07:45 > 0:07:48- What, Africa? - No! Well, in the long term, yes.

0:07:48 > 0:07:53I mean this year's Comic Relief. It really is rubbish at the moment. What are we going to do?

0:07:53 > 0:07:55I've just had a no from Blue.

0:07:55 > 0:07:58Everything you suggest, the celebrities argue.

0:07:58 > 0:07:59It's just "No, no, no, no, no."

0:07:59 > 0:08:02We need someone to just tell them what to do.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07I think I may know just the man.

0:08:07 > 0:08:10MUSIC: "Club Tropicana" by Wham!

0:08:10 > 0:08:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:08:11 > 0:08:13PHONE RINGS

0:08:14 > 0:08:15Hello?

0:08:15 > 0:08:16Hi, is that Smithy?

0:08:16 > 0:08:17Who this?

0:08:17 > 0:08:19- It's Lenny.- Who?

0:08:19 > 0:08:20Lenny Henry?

0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Do I know you?- Yes - Lenny Henry, from Lenny Henry Live And Unleashed?

0:08:24 > 0:08:26- Nah.- Chef?- Eh?

0:08:26 > 0:08:29- Hope and Glory?- Nah, I think you got the wrong number.

0:08:29 > 0:08:32I'm the bloke from the Premier Inn adverts?

0:08:32 > 0:08:34LENNY!

0:08:34 > 0:08:36Ha-ha - you should have said! How are you, mate?

0:08:36 > 0:08:39Yeah, good. Look, we really need your help with Comic Relief.

0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Any chance you could give a hand? - Ah, I can't.

0:08:41 > 0:08:44I'm spending the day with a mate. He's been away for a while.

0:08:44 > 0:08:46Please, Smithy.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50All right. I'll come in now, but this is the last time.

0:08:52 > 0:08:53HE SIGHS

0:08:53 > 0:08:55Idiot.

0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Who was that, then?- Comic Relief. They need me to go in now.

0:08:58 > 0:09:00But you said we'd pick up my photos.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02Yeah, well, we'll get them later.

0:09:02 > 0:09:05- So, can I come to Comic Relief, then?- No.

0:09:05 > 0:09:08- Why?- Because you can't. - Oh, come on.

0:09:08 > 0:09:13Let's be honest. You don't want me to come with youbecause you don't want to be seen with a gay man.

0:09:13 > 0:09:15- What?!- I've seen the way you look at that mate of yours.

0:09:15 > 0:09:18What do you call him, "Gavlar"?

0:09:18 > 0:09:21- Such a pair of closet bummers, it is ridiculous.- Um...

0:09:21 > 0:09:23Excuse...! Listen, not me...

0:09:23 > 0:09:27What you get up to in your spare time is up to you, all right?

0:09:27 > 0:09:30Then why can't I come to Comic Relief?

0:09:30 > 0:09:32Because you're a joke, George. It's embarrassing.

0:09:32 > 0:09:35I can't walk into Comic Relief with you -

0:09:35 > 0:09:37Comic Relief's about helping people LIKE you!

0:09:37 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER

0:09:43 > 0:09:45Don't put your sad face on.

0:09:45 > 0:09:48All right. Fine. Be like that.

0:09:50 > 0:09:53We'll just listen to some music.

0:09:53 > 0:09:55SONG: "I'm Your Man"

0:09:54 > 0:09:55Yeah?

0:09:55 > 0:09:58You love this one, don't you?

0:09:58 > 0:10:00# Call me good, aha

0:10:00 > 0:10:02# Call me bad

0:10:02 > 0:10:05# Call me anything you want to, baby... #

0:10:05 > 0:10:06George!

0:10:06 > 0:10:07# And I know, aha,

0:10:07 > 0:10:08# That you're sad... #

0:10:08 > 0:10:11Come on! # And I know I made you happy

0:10:11 > 0:10:13# With the one thing that you never had

0:10:14 > 0:10:15BOTH: # Baby

0:10:15 > 0:10:18# I'm your man... #

0:10:18 > 0:10:19I love it!

0:10:19 > 0:10:21BOTH: # Don't you know that?

0:10:21 > 0:10:22# Baby

0:10:22 > 0:10:26# I'm your man

0:10:27 > 0:10:28# You bet!

0:10:28 > 0:10:31# If you're gonna do it Do it right - right?

0:10:31 > 0:10:33# Do it with me If you're gonna do it

0:10:33 > 0:10:36# Do it right - right? Do it with me

0:10:36 > 0:10:39# If you're gonna do it Do it right - right?

0:10:39 > 0:10:41# Do it with me... #

0:10:41 > 0:10:43Right, I'm going in. You wait here, OK?

0:10:43 > 0:10:47- Don't go wandering, looking for trouble.- All right, all right!

0:10:47 > 0:10:50- Where am I going to go? - Be back in a bit. Love you.

0:10:51 > 0:10:53Don't be long!

0:10:54 > 0:10:57THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:10:57 > 0:11:00- No presenters...- If anybody should go, it should be them!

0:11:00 > 0:11:02It's a disgrace...

0:11:02 > 0:11:03TALKING CONTINUES

0:11:03 > 0:11:06Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:11:06 > 0:11:07THEY STOP TALKING

0:11:07 > 0:11:11- What's going on in here? - We're trying to work out who'll do what for Comic Relief.

0:11:11 > 0:11:14I've just been told that Tennant and Dee

0:11:14 > 0:11:18- have already left for Africa. - They sized up the committee and went on their own steam.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20- Disrespectful bastards.- OK, Davina.

0:11:20 > 0:11:25You may not be live on Channel 4 any more, but please do not swear.

0:11:25 > 0:11:27- Sorry.- Apology accepted.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29Look, we need a little bit of order in here.

0:11:29 > 0:11:33These events are all about strategy. When we successfully pitched

0:11:33 > 0:11:36for the 2012 Olympics, we had a ten-point plan.

0:11:36 > 0:11:39Sorry, Lord Coe, why is this relevant?

0:11:39 > 0:11:43Because that's how we won the 2012 bid.

0:11:43 > 0:11:46- I want to go to Africa.- Right?

0:11:46 > 0:11:49I just want to give back. You know, it's heartbreaking.

0:11:49 > 0:11:51These kids live in such abject poverty

0:11:51 > 0:11:55that the words "quidditch" and "Hogwarts" mean nothing to them.

0:11:55 > 0:12:00- OK, anyone got a problem with Ron going?- Rupert.- Whatever.

0:12:00 > 0:12:04- Yes but would you go on your own? - Yes. Why?- Radcliffe around?

0:12:04 > 0:12:08- He's working.- Emma Watson? - She's studying.- Coltrane? - You're joking!

0:12:08 > 0:12:12It would just be good if you could go with someone else from the film.

0:12:12 > 0:12:15Otherwise you're just a ginger kid walking around with sunburn.

0:12:15 > 0:12:17I'll go with him.

0:12:17 > 0:12:21It's not ideal but sure, anyone got any objections to Ron and the albino kid

0:12:21 > 0:12:23going to Africa to do the appeal film?

0:12:23 > 0:12:25Well, I'd like to go.

0:12:25 > 0:12:29I think the work Comic Relief is doing is absolutely amazing

0:12:29 > 0:12:33and I've got a bit of time on my hands, so I'd like to do it.

0:12:33 > 0:12:36It's really important. I'd love to go.

0:12:36 > 0:12:39- Hang on, if he's going then... - I guess that's different.

0:12:39 > 0:12:43- That would be one powerful film. - That's a great guy.

0:12:43 > 0:12:44Yes, Gordon?

0:12:44 > 0:12:48Gordon? Gordon? (SNAPS FINGERS) Big dog?

0:12:48 > 0:12:51Gordon Brown? We've talked about this before, right?

0:12:51 > 0:12:56It's going to be really hot. You know what you get like even under studio lights.

0:12:56 > 0:12:57We're talking searing heat.

0:12:57 > 0:13:01There'll be little kids jumping all over you, pulling your hair,

0:13:01 > 0:13:05you're going to have a radio mic on the whole time.

0:13:05 > 0:13:09You go calling a malnourished African a Lester Piggott,

0:13:09 > 0:13:11that could do more harm than good.

0:13:11 > 0:13:15Maybe you're right, I just shouldn't go.

0:13:15 > 0:13:18- I'd love to see him on Let's Dance For Comic Relief though. - That's a good shout.

0:13:18 > 0:13:21I had been thinking of doing a duet with JLS.

0:13:21 > 0:13:23- That would be huge.- Big time.

0:13:23 > 0:13:26- THEY MAKE GUNSHOT NOISES - That's a nice idea.

0:13:26 > 0:13:30I've been trying to do something with Tinie Tempah for a while.

0:13:30 > 0:13:32OK, you guys, start thinking about a song.

0:13:32 > 0:13:35Do you know what I mean, Gordon? I'm thinking... # Everybody in love,

0:13:35 > 0:13:38# Go and put your hands up, everybody in love... #

0:13:38 > 0:13:42Just put your hands up. # Put your hands up... # (Wait for it)

0:13:42 > 0:13:45# Put your hands up...# (Don't take the piss.)

0:13:48 > 0:13:51# Everybody in love

0:13:51 > 0:13:52# Go put your hands up

0:13:52 > 0:13:55# Everybody in love, Go put your hands up

0:13:55 > 0:13:59# Everybody in love, go and put your hands up

0:13:59 > 0:14:01# If you're in love, put your hands up. #

0:14:01 > 0:14:04When we filmed the sketch about who should visit Africa

0:14:04 > 0:14:07we had no idea that within a year we'd be lucky enough

0:14:07 > 0:14:11to visit this amazing place and see the great work Comic Relief does.

0:14:13 > 0:14:16'We're in Uganda and it is an amazing place.

0:14:16 > 0:14:20'But we discovered it's not always easy being a kid here.

0:14:20 > 0:14:22'There are about 5,000 children

0:14:22 > 0:14:25'living on the streets of the capital, Kampala.

0:14:25 > 0:14:29'They face daily dangers like street crime, violence and abuse.

0:14:29 > 0:14:32'For them, life's really tough.'

0:14:36 > 0:14:40'We wanted to see for ourselves how the money you gave is helping

0:14:40 > 0:14:43'many of those orphaned and abandoned kids.

0:14:43 > 0:14:49'This centre helps children as young as five who've been living on the streets.

0:14:49 > 0:14:51'They're fed, sheltered

0:14:51 > 0:14:54'and given a given a chance to get their lives back on track

0:14:54 > 0:14:56'by going to school, often for the first time.'

0:14:56 > 0:14:59THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:15:01 > 0:15:03- OK, so my name's Oritse. - Oritse?- Oritse.

0:15:03 > 0:15:07And if anybody gets this right, I'm going to give them prize myself.

0:15:07 > 0:15:09LAUGHTER

0:15:09 > 0:15:10- He?- He!

0:15:10 > 0:15:12APPLAUSE

0:15:14 > 0:15:17'It's great to be able to meet some of the kids who come here.'

0:15:17 > 0:15:21- What's your name? - Nicholas.- Nicholas.

0:15:21 > 0:15:23- How old are you now?- 13.

0:15:23 > 0:15:27- I want to be a singer. - Go for it.

0:15:27 > 0:15:30# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow,

0:15:30 > 0:15:35# Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... #

0:15:36 > 0:15:38Yeah, that's good.

0:15:38 > 0:15:41'Seeing Nicholas look so happy is brilliant

0:15:41 > 0:15:45'but you don't have to dig very deep to see the damage done

0:15:45 > 0:15:47'by years of living on the streets.'

0:15:49 > 0:15:52So how do you get money? How do you get around?

0:15:52 > 0:15:56Money, how I get it, I'm just begging.

0:15:56 > 0:15:59My mother or my father, they have died.

0:16:02 > 0:16:04Sorry.

0:16:04 > 0:16:06Ah...

0:16:06 > 0:16:07Come here.

0:16:09 > 0:16:11CRIES

0:16:11 > 0:16:16You're an amazing young man, Nicholas. Amazing.

0:16:19 > 0:16:21Nicholas was saying this is like his family here now.

0:16:21 > 0:16:25He's lost his mother and father but the people who look after him here -

0:16:25 > 0:16:29and the kids - are...they're a big family unit.

0:16:29 > 0:16:32And it's fantastic being here today.

0:16:32 > 0:16:35This is a place that turns a negative into a major positive.

0:16:37 > 0:16:41'The amazing staff here have created a safe haven for these kids'

0:16:41 > 0:16:46so they can get an education and a job skill or be a child without fear of someone wanting to hurt them.

0:16:46 > 0:16:47WHISTLE

0:16:49 > 0:16:56'All this is possible, thanks to the money you gave on Red Nose Day.'

0:16:56 > 0:16:58Yo! Yo!

0:17:00 > 0:17:04You beautiful, brilliant people at home who have picked up the phone

0:17:04 > 0:17:08have already made a massive, huge difference to kids like this.

0:17:08 > 0:17:09ALL: Thank you.

0:17:09 > 0:17:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:17:10 > 0:17:14'Your money's not just helping the kids at this project.

0:17:14 > 0:17:19'£4 million has been spent on education for Africa's poorest children.'

0:17:23 > 0:17:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:17:24 > 0:17:29Everyone wanted to take part in Red Nose Day this year.

0:17:31 > 0:17:34The night was packed with acts, sketches

0:17:34 > 0:17:36and even a Time Lord special.

0:17:38 > 0:17:39Dum, dum, dum, dum dum...

0:17:39 > 0:17:43MIMICS DOCTOR WHO THEM TUNE

0:17:43 > 0:17:45MUSIC

0:18:04 > 0:18:07Doctor, what's happened?

0:18:07 > 0:18:09Safest spot available.

0:18:09 > 0:18:12The TARDIS has materialised inside itself.

0:18:12 > 0:18:16- Is that supposed to happen? - Take a guess.

0:18:16 > 0:18:19- No?- That's the one.

0:18:19 > 0:18:21Whoa, what are you doing?

0:18:23 > 0:18:25I've absolutely no idea.

0:18:29 > 0:18:32OK, that is a bit weird.

0:18:34 > 0:18:38- That is actually pretty cool. - I'm glad you're entertained, Rory!

0:18:38 > 0:18:42Now we're stuck here for eternity, at least you won't be bored.

0:18:42 > 0:18:46- We're stuck?- Inside of the TARDIS is now joined to the outside,

0:18:46 > 0:18:48worse than a time warp or space loop.

0:18:48 > 0:18:51Nothing can enter or leave this ship ever again.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58OK, kids. This is where it gets complicated.

0:18:58 > 0:19:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:19:02 > 0:19:04Oh dear. During that Dr Who instalment,

0:19:04 > 0:19:09I accidentally dropped a thermo coupling and a studio has appeared inside the studio

0:19:09 > 0:19:13here at television Centre. We're now caught in a time and space loop.

0:19:13 > 0:19:16Nothing can leave the studio ever again.

0:19:17 > 0:19:20This is where it gets complicated.

0:19:20 > 0:19:22THEY MIMIC DR WHO THEME TUNE

0:19:25 > 0:19:27- All right, thanks.- Display...

0:19:27 > 0:19:31Excuse me, could I have a picture with you too?

0:19:31 > 0:19:34but first I need to know who you are.

0:19:34 > 0:19:38- I'm Andy Murray.- I know that but what do you do?

0:19:38 > 0:19:41- I play tennis. - Yes, but what do you do as a job?

0:19:41 > 0:19:45- Tennis is my job. - No, tennis isn't a job.

0:19:45 > 0:19:50- Karen.- Like I play tennis, you go and you book a court for an hour

0:19:50 > 0:19:53and what do you do for the rest of the day?

0:19:53 > 0:19:55- I practise. - Could you sign my forehead?

0:19:55 > 0:20:00- Karen!- Are you like that man in the park that coaches children and puts out coats?

0:20:00 > 0:20:05- He's Britain's top tennis player. - Is that good?- Yes, that's good.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08- Well, it's not bad. - You don't know how to work one of these, do you?

0:20:08 > 0:20:13- No, sorry.- Andy...- Your mates don't believe it's me, do they?

0:20:13 > 0:20:16Do you reckon you could shout "focus" nice and Scottish?

0:20:16 > 0:20:19Hang on, are you British or Scottish?

0:20:19 > 0:20:21That depends whether I win or not.

0:20:21 > 0:20:24OK, sorted. So everyone smile.

0:20:24 > 0:20:28- OK, great. So... - I don't know what happened then.

0:20:28 > 0:20:31- You know women tennis players?- Yes?

0:20:31 > 0:20:35- I've heard they're men. - Karen!- It's true, like Lady Gaga. - I've cracked it.

0:20:35 > 0:20:37- I heard that too.- Smile, brilliant.

0:20:37 > 0:20:39I bet you get this all the time, don't you?

0:20:39 > 0:20:42Not quite like this, no. Thank you, guys.

0:20:42 > 0:20:44Actually would you mind if I get one of...?

0:20:44 > 0:20:48Excuse me. Could you...? It's very easy to use, cheers.

0:20:48 > 0:20:51- Do you fancy a game sometime? - Well...

0:20:51 > 0:20:53I can only do Tuesdays

0:20:53 > 0:20:56or I can do Wednesday if I bunk off the behavioural support unit.

0:20:56 > 0:21:00- Have you got us all in? - Seriously, what is your real job?

0:21:00 > 0:21:02- Just huddle up. - Karen, stop bothering him.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04Sorry, this will have to be the last one.

0:21:04 > 0:21:08Hang on, I haven't shown you my special shot yet. The middle hand.

0:21:08 > 0:21:10- You sure it's not the cack hand?- It's like...

0:21:10 > 0:21:13Ben! You nearly hit Andy again.

0:21:13 > 0:21:17- Just calm down before you get... - Ow!

0:21:17 > 0:21:22- Look what you've done now! - I'm so sorry.

0:21:22 > 0:21:23It's OK, it's OK.

0:21:23 > 0:21:27Oh, look, there is my friend.

0:21:27 > 0:21:28Ow...

0:21:30 > 0:21:33Good luck in the tournament tomorrow.

0:21:35 > 0:21:38He was a bit standoffish, wasn't he?

0:21:40 > 0:21:45'Thousands of schools and nurseries all over Britain got involved in Red Nose Day

0:21:45 > 0:21:49'and between them raised more than £8 million.'

0:21:49 > 0:21:53I've popped into one of them, Sir John Cass Primary in London.

0:21:53 > 0:21:56First stop, the staff room to surprise the teachers.

0:21:56 > 0:21:59Hello. Teachers!

0:21:59 > 0:22:00Hello!

0:22:00 > 0:22:04What kind of a meeting is this?!

0:22:04 > 0:22:09- Hello!- Hello! - Oh, wonderful. Hello!

0:22:09 > 0:22:12How exciting. What a pleasure.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14I'm sorry to interrupt,

0:22:14 > 0:22:18I didn't know only one of you is allowed to eat lunch every day.

0:22:18 > 0:22:20It's important to open with a yoghurt.

0:22:20 > 0:22:23Most people have that as a dessert. Go your own way.

0:22:23 > 0:22:29I'm basically here to thank you for raising money for such a wonderful cause

0:22:29 > 0:22:32and so many people raised so much money,

0:22:32 > 0:22:35over £108 million, which is sensational.

0:22:35 > 0:22:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:39 > 0:22:42- Is Ginella here? - ALL: Yes!- Ah, lovely Ginella!

0:22:42 > 0:22:45Fabulous. OK, move up.

0:22:47 > 0:22:51- Ginella, what is it you teach at the moment?- Year six.- Year six.

0:22:51 > 0:22:53- How old are they?- They're 11.

0:22:53 > 0:22:57- What do you teach? - I'm the head teacher.- No way!

0:22:57 > 0:22:58This guy?!

0:22:58 > 0:23:00LAUGHTER

0:23:00 > 0:23:04I thought HE was the head teacher!

0:23:04 > 0:23:06I look forward to the part.

0:23:08 > 0:23:11People just switching on might think this is a makeover show,

0:23:11 > 0:23:15whereby an hour later we turn this guy,

0:23:15 > 0:23:17into this guy!

0:23:17 > 0:23:21LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:23:21 > 0:23:25OK, listen, Ginella, can I just ask you how much you raised this year?

0:23:25 > 0:23:29- We raised £2,400. - That's fantastic, well done.

0:23:29 > 0:23:33- And I understand you did a flash mob, is that right?- We did.

0:23:33 > 0:23:36# Reach for the stars

0:23:36 > 0:23:41# Climb every mountain higher Reach for the stars... #

0:23:45 > 0:23:49As a thank you, I'm not quite sure how this is going to go,

0:23:49 > 0:23:54- I'm going to give you some extended time off.- Oh, thanks.

0:23:54 > 0:23:58I might be making a mistake, but I'm going to teach your class, is that all right?

0:23:58 > 0:24:03- Definitely.- The headmaster's going to give you a bit of a foot massage... - I will do that.

0:24:03 > 0:24:06- No problem.- You would agree? - My pleasure.

0:24:06 > 0:24:08He seems so agreeable.

0:24:08 > 0:24:12- And a raise? - I'm not sure about that.- OK!

0:24:14 > 0:24:15Hello, Harry.

0:24:15 > 0:24:17Oh. Hi, Kate.

0:24:17 > 0:24:19Er, and the other bloke.

0:24:19 > 0:24:22I'm here in a wood.

0:24:22 > 0:24:24Sorry, just a minute. Do you mind?

0:24:26 > 0:24:29- I'm trying to film Autumn Watch here.- It's not Autumn.

0:24:29 > 0:24:31Well, it is.

0:24:33 > 0:24:35Sorry, Kate. I'm here in a wood

0:24:35 > 0:24:38Let's see what wildlife we can see.

0:24:38 > 0:24:39Up there, look!

0:24:41 > 0:24:45It's an Oddie. Yes. And he's in his winter coat.

0:24:45 > 0:24:47Mm. Eating the last few leaves.

0:24:47 > 0:24:51He'll store that energy for his hibernation, which takes place over the winter months.

0:24:51 > 0:24:56Although, occasionally, you hear him doing a voice-over for an advert.

0:24:56 > 0:24:57CUCKOO CALL

0:24:57 > 0:24:59Oh! And that is the familiar cry of the Alex Jones.

0:24:59 > 0:25:02CUCKOO CALL

0:25:03 > 0:25:08There she is. She'll be heading back to her nest,

0:25:08 > 0:25:11which she shares with a footballer, I think it is.

0:25:11 > 0:25:14SHE SCREAMS

0:25:14 > 0:25:17The Oddie, of course, will spend much of its time...

0:25:17 > 0:25:19CUCKOO!

0:25:19 > 0:25:20All right, Alex.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22Isn't what you expect, is it?

0:25:22 > 0:25:25HE MUMBLES Oh, what was that?

0:25:25 > 0:25:26A Clifton.

0:25:26 > 0:25:29I don't believe it. Increasingly rare these days, as it's flightless.

0:25:29 > 0:25:33It's poorly camouflaged and it's easily found by predators.

0:25:33 > 0:25:36There, you see.

0:25:36 > 0:25:37The Wanted.

0:25:39 > 0:25:42Tom, Matt, Siva, Jay, Nathan.

0:25:42 > 0:25:47See how they bring down the ageing Clifton and eat his body.

0:25:47 > 0:25:48ROARING SOUND

0:25:48 > 0:25:50But look!

0:25:50 > 0:25:52Oh, the Olly!

0:25:52 > 0:25:57Yes, and he's seen them off and claims their kill as his own.

0:25:57 > 0:26:02Well, amazing what you can see outside in the autumn, isn't it, Kate?

0:26:02 > 0:26:04Which is your favourite, Harry?

0:26:04 > 0:26:09Difficult, isn't it? I like The Wanted, but then I like Olly Murs.

0:26:09 > 0:26:13Which is better? There's any one way to find out. Fight!

0:26:13 > 0:26:15MUSIC: Theme from Animal Magic

0:26:25 > 0:26:28'It's time for my maths class.'

0:26:28 > 0:26:30Let me tell you who I am.

0:26:30 > 0:26:33- Is this what people do? - CHILDREN: No!

0:26:33 > 0:26:36- No.- The red one!

0:26:36 > 0:26:37The red one.

0:26:37 > 0:26:39ALL: Yes.

0:26:39 > 0:26:41Can you write on here?

0:26:41 > 0:26:43- ALL: No! - LAUGHTER

0:26:43 > 0:26:44What? What are you saying?

0:26:44 > 0:26:46- ALL SHOUT - That one!

0:26:46 > 0:26:51- You write on this?- ALL: Yes. - No way!- ALL: Yes!

0:26:51 > 0:26:53- You put a pen on this screen? - ALL: Yes.

0:26:53 > 0:26:56- Just do it.- All right, I will! - LAUGHTER

0:26:56 > 0:26:58My name is Mi...

0:27:01 > 0:27:04- Michael! - LAUGHTER

0:27:04 > 0:27:11Now, class, I'm going to teach you something called maths. All right?

0:27:11 > 0:27:14LAUGHTER

0:27:14 > 0:27:16CHILDREN: You spelled it wrong!

0:27:16 > 0:27:19- I spelt what wrong?- ALL: Maths! - This isn't English. Get off my back!

0:27:19 > 0:27:21LAUGHTER

0:27:21 > 0:27:23Can anybody tell me what maths is?

0:27:23 > 0:27:27- What is maths?- You add up numbers, divide it, times it, or you take it away.

0:27:27 > 0:27:29That is pretty much maths.

0:27:29 > 0:27:34In Kenya, which is a place in Africa, an exercise book costs 60p.

0:27:34 > 0:27:35All right?

0:27:35 > 0:27:40How many exercise books could you buy in Kenya for £3?

0:27:42 > 0:27:44CHILDREN CALL OUT ANSWER

0:27:45 > 0:27:48I think it is five. Is it five? It's five.

0:27:48 > 0:27:50Well done. Congratulations. Well done.

0:27:50 > 0:27:52APPLAUSE

0:27:52 > 0:27:55That will be five books for people who so badly need them

0:27:55 > 0:27:58and I thank you for helping to contribute to that.

0:27:58 > 0:28:02A round of applause for yourselves and keep raising money for Comic Relief!

0:28:02 > 0:28:04CHEERING

0:28:07 > 0:28:12'Lenny Henry knows how the sums add up. He's been back to Africa

0:28:12 > 0:28:15'to see how your money's been making a difference.'

0:28:17 > 0:28:22'The last Red Nose Day, Angela Rippon, Reggie Yates, Samantha Womack and I

0:28:22 > 0:28:26'spent a week living in Kibera in Nairobi in Kenya.'

0:28:26 > 0:28:31'It's one of the biggest slums in Africa and home to a million people.'

0:28:31 > 0:28:35'I wanted to experience what life is like for those who have no option but to live here.'

0:28:37 > 0:28:41Hello. 'It's where I met 16-year-old Bernard, who is the head of his family,

0:28:41 > 0:28:45'struggling to raise his three younger sisters and brother.'

0:28:45 > 0:28:47- Hello, how are you? - I'm fine.- Is this your family?

0:28:47 > 0:28:50- Yes, this is my family.- OK.

0:28:50 > 0:28:55'This family of five lived in squalid conditions, all of them squeezed into a tiny room

0:28:55 > 0:28:58'next to the stench of an overflowing communal toilet.'

0:28:58 > 0:29:00- Oh!- This is the house.

0:29:00 > 0:29:02- Oh, can you smell it? Oh! - The smells?

0:29:02 > 0:29:04Oh, God.

0:29:05 > 0:29:08Bernard's mum died when he was 12

0:29:08 > 0:29:12and his father was murdered in the post-election violence of 2007.

0:29:12 > 0:29:16He had gone to look how the votes are being counted.

0:29:16 > 0:29:18Just go and look.

0:29:18 > 0:29:20And that's why he was killed.

0:29:20 > 0:29:22HE SOBS

0:29:22 > 0:29:25Hey, hey, hey.

0:29:25 > 0:29:27Hey, hey, hey. It's all right.

0:29:29 > 0:29:31It must have been terrible.

0:29:31 > 0:29:32BERNARD SOBS

0:29:34 > 0:29:37'Seeing these kids struggling to survive in appalling conditions

0:29:37 > 0:29:41'with no-one to help them just broke me.'

0:29:41 > 0:29:43This is the worst... This is the...

0:29:43 > 0:29:46This is the worst I've ever seen.

0:29:46 > 0:29:48I've never seen anything like this.

0:29:48 > 0:29:51HE SOBS

0:29:52 > 0:29:54It's all right.

0:30:02 > 0:30:05The time I spent here in Kibera in Kenya

0:30:05 > 0:30:09was really life-changing for me. The fantastic news is that,

0:30:09 > 0:30:12because of the money you gave on Red Nose Night,

0:30:12 > 0:30:14we're in a process of changing lives right here.

0:30:14 > 0:30:18In fact, we are busy right here in Kibera, spending £1 million

0:30:18 > 0:30:20of your money on all sorts of things.

0:30:21 > 0:30:24'It's doing things like helping people start up

0:30:24 > 0:30:28'small businesses and building new homes with decent sanitation.

0:30:31 > 0:30:34'Having got to know Bernard and his family, and seeing

0:30:34 > 0:30:38'how tough life was for them, I was moved to do all I could to help.'

0:30:38 > 0:30:41- HE LAUGHS - Hey, hey, hey!

0:30:43 > 0:30:47- This is our new house.- 'I've come back to see how they're getting on.

0:30:47 > 0:30:49'They've got a new home, as I did what you did.

0:30:49 > 0:30:51'I dipped my hand in my pocket

0:30:51 > 0:30:55'because I couldn't bear to see the way they were living.'

0:30:55 > 0:30:59Look at that. Lovely light coming down. Get in there with your big bucket of water.

0:30:59 > 0:31:01# We've got a shower

0:31:01 > 0:31:05# We've got a shower We've got a shower, la, la, la. #

0:31:05 > 0:31:07Oh, my goodness!

0:31:07 > 0:31:11I love what you've done with the place!

0:31:12 > 0:31:13'OK, it's basic.

0:31:13 > 0:31:16'But it's a heck of a lot better than what they had before.'

0:31:16 > 0:31:18Much better.

0:31:18 > 0:31:22In there, yeah. It is a conducive environment.

0:31:22 > 0:31:25I like that. "It's a conducive environment."

0:31:25 > 0:31:29- It is a conducive environment for learning!- Yeah!

0:31:29 > 0:31:31'And that's not all.

0:31:31 > 0:31:34'This is where things get even more brilliant.

0:31:34 > 0:31:36'Bernard and lots of kids in Kibera

0:31:36 > 0:31:40'are now going to school supported by the money you gave.

0:31:40 > 0:31:43'This will make all the difference. Housing, sanitation

0:31:43 > 0:31:46'and schooling are all improving here, thanks to your money.'

0:31:46 > 0:31:48Do you still want to be an engineer?

0:31:48 > 0:31:52- Yeah, that is what I still stick on. - So, what subjects are you doing?

0:31:52 > 0:31:55OK, I'm doing physics. OK, for now I'm doing all of them, both of them,

0:31:55 > 0:32:00physics, biology, English, Kiswahili.

0:32:00 > 0:32:04- So you're doing seven subjects? - 11 subjects, not seven.

0:32:04 > 0:32:0511!? Where's the rest of them?

0:32:05 > 0:32:12History, geography, chemistry, and then biology. I'm forgetting.

0:32:12 > 0:32:15- Biology. There's one more missing. - Yeah, there is one more.

0:32:17 > 0:32:19Maths I've counted.

0:32:21 > 0:32:24This is amazing. So, there you have it.

0:32:24 > 0:32:27Bernard's life has changed and it's all down to you.

0:32:27 > 0:32:30Thank you, thank you and once again, thank you.

0:32:30 > 0:32:34- Yeah, thank you.- You didn't have to say that. That was my...

0:32:34 > 0:32:36That was my job!

0:32:36 > 0:32:39'Bernard's family isn't the only one getting help.

0:32:39 > 0:32:42'The money you gave is being spent improving housing

0:32:42 > 0:32:45'and sanitation in Africa's urban slums.'

0:32:49 > 0:32:51MICHAEL McINTYRE: All over Britain,

0:32:51 > 0:32:55people took part in stunts and challenges to raise money.

0:32:55 > 0:32:57And a host of famous faces strutted their stuff

0:32:57 > 0:33:00for Let's Dance for Comic Relief.

0:33:02 > 0:33:04Russell Kay was Bootylicious.

0:33:04 > 0:33:06MUSIC: "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce

0:33:07 > 0:33:10And Katie Price strangely attractive.

0:33:10 > 0:33:12MUSIC: "I Want to Break Free" by Queen

0:33:12 > 0:33:15MUSIC: Puttin' On The Ritz

0:33:15 > 0:33:19But they were floored by James Thornton and Charlie Baker's toe-tappin' tramps.

0:33:19 > 0:33:21APPLAUSE

0:33:24 > 0:33:29It wasn't just on television that money was raised for Red Nose Day.

0:33:29 > 0:33:32Radio 1's Chris Moyles did something extraordinary.

0:33:32 > 0:33:37- He hosted a 52 hour long radio show.- I'm smiling.

0:33:37 > 0:33:41- AS BRIAN COX:- You've been on the air for 10,000 trillion years. - Feels like it.

0:33:41 > 0:33:43- Ready?- Boom!- Wow!

0:33:45 > 0:33:48I've got a red nose over my Davina McCall's.

0:33:48 > 0:33:50It's Lily Allen!

0:33:50 > 0:33:52You're doing this for all the right reasons.

0:33:52 > 0:33:56This is the most awkward thing I've ever done in my entire life.

0:33:56 > 0:33:57Yeah! Why not!?

0:33:58 > 0:34:02- Absolutely unbelievable. - Congratulations. What an epic effort there.

0:34:02 > 0:34:06Congratulations to Chris, to Comedy Dave, the whole team at Radio 1

0:34:06 > 0:34:10who raised a staggering £2.6 million for Comic Relief.

0:34:10 > 0:34:11CHEERING

0:34:14 > 0:34:17January 2011, and Comic Relief have challenged

0:34:17 > 0:34:20the cast of The Inbetweeners to visit

0:34:20 > 0:34:2250 of the rudest place names in the country

0:34:22 > 0:34:24in just 50 hours.

0:34:24 > 0:34:26Rude place number 26, I believe.

0:34:26 > 0:34:30They're being sponsored £500 for every location they visit.

0:34:30 > 0:34:35- We don't deserve a penny if we don't do all 50.- 'Travelling in their trusty Fiat featured in the series,

0:34:35 > 0:34:37'they're risking life and limb...'

0:34:37 > 0:34:40- Oh, don't let go! - ..in a race against time.

0:34:40 > 0:34:43To the car! TYRES SCREECH

0:34:53 > 0:34:54Argh.

0:35:00 > 0:35:03- There it is, Nelson's Column. Shall we do it?- Let's do it.

0:35:08 > 0:35:12- Yeah. Oh, sorry.- It's a film. Do you want to make a run for it?

0:35:14 > 0:35:16- Done it.- It's the bloody pigs!

0:35:18 > 0:35:20Cumming Street.

0:35:25 > 0:35:27Do your walk.

0:35:29 > 0:35:32Pratt Walk.

0:35:32 > 0:35:35- It's a regular walk.- It's a pratt walk.- It's a normal walk.

0:35:35 > 0:35:37The clock is ticking. How long left now?

0:35:37 > 0:35:39One hour, five minutes.

0:35:43 > 0:35:45Helmet Row.

0:35:48 > 0:35:50There they are!

0:35:52 > 0:35:55- Yes!- Good. Let's go.

0:35:57 > 0:36:01- It's the next left once you're on this road.- And that's Cock Lane?

0:36:01 > 0:36:04- That's Cock Lane.- And we've got one minute?- Come on!

0:36:04 > 0:36:06CHEERING

0:36:06 > 0:36:08We've done it! We've done it.

0:36:08 > 0:36:09APPLAUSE

0:36:13 > 0:36:15Cock Lane.

0:36:17 > 0:36:20CHEERING

0:36:20 > 0:36:23- That's it. That's it. - We do need a bit of love, actually.

0:36:23 > 0:36:27- We need to know how many we've done. - 52. You've surpassed it, boys.

0:36:27 > 0:36:31- All right!- We've done it! - CHEERING

0:36:31 > 0:36:32MUSIC: "Alright! by Supergrass

0:36:32 > 0:36:36So, despite that car being absolutely disgusting inside,

0:36:36 > 0:36:42the boys completed the challenge by visiting 52 rude place names

0:36:42 > 0:36:45and raising £52,000 all in the name of Comic Relief.

0:36:45 > 0:36:49Well done, boys. For once, I am actually proud of you.

0:36:52 > 0:36:5640% of the money you raised is being spent in the UK

0:36:56 > 0:37:00on projects helping the young and old.

0:37:00 > 0:37:04There are 750,000 people in Britain affected by dementia.

0:37:04 > 0:37:08Ruth Jones knows just how important a support network can be.

0:37:08 > 0:37:10APPLAUSE

0:37:11 > 0:37:16Earlier this year, I met Ron who looked after Gladys.

0:37:16 > 0:37:18Gladys had Alzheimer's.

0:37:19 > 0:37:21Another bite.

0:37:21 > 0:37:25He was absolutely brilliant with her. It wasn't easy for him.

0:37:25 > 0:37:29Gladys and Ron's story really touched me.

0:37:30 > 0:37:32We are all going to get old, aren't we? Oh, gosh.

0:37:33 > 0:37:37And I just hope that I would be lucky enough to be looked after,

0:37:37 > 0:37:42if it did happen to me, in the way that Gladys is looked after by Ron.

0:37:44 > 0:37:47Sadly, just three months after filming, Gladys died.

0:37:49 > 0:37:52Ron's been struggling with the loss and loneliness since then,

0:37:52 > 0:37:56but one real lifeline for him has been a brandnew drop-in cafe,

0:37:56 > 0:38:01supported by Comic Relief, for people affected by Alzheimer's and dementia.

0:38:04 > 0:38:09# The weather here has been as nice as it can be... #

0:38:11 > 0:38:13Ron doesn't know I'm here today.

0:38:13 > 0:38:15I'm really keen to see how he's getting on.

0:38:17 > 0:38:21- Hello.- Hello, Ruth. - How are you?

0:38:21 > 0:38:24- Lovely to see you. - Lovely to see you.

0:38:26 > 0:38:30I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a loved one.

0:38:30 > 0:38:33- I mustn't talk about it.- Aw.

0:38:34 > 0:38:38- It's awful.- Yeah. - But I think it'll get better.

0:38:38 > 0:38:42Because I'm feeling better now about it. You know? I'm feeling better.

0:38:42 > 0:38:45Before, I just couldn't mention her name, to be quite honest.

0:38:45 > 0:38:49- And you looked after her so beautifully.- Thank you.

0:38:49 > 0:38:51You were a wonderful husband to her.

0:38:51 > 0:38:55I hoped I was. Anyway, she's in peace now.

0:38:55 > 0:38:57Yeah.

0:39:00 > 0:39:04- Do you come here a lot?- Yes, I do. I came here from when it began.

0:39:04 > 0:39:07It's something I look forward to.

0:39:07 > 0:39:12If you can get one thing a day to look forward to, it's quite good, really.

0:39:12 > 0:39:14Oh.

0:39:14 > 0:39:17Give yourselves some space to breathe for singing.

0:39:17 > 0:39:22This is just one of thousands of projects Comic Relief is helping in the UK.

0:39:22 > 0:39:28THEY SING: # You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

0:39:28 > 0:39:32# You make me happy

0:39:32 > 0:39:36# When skies are grey

0:39:36 > 0:39:40# You never noticed

0:39:40 > 0:39:44# How much I loved you... #

0:39:44 > 0:39:48Your money is helping Ron and others like him to keep going

0:39:48 > 0:39:50and to realise they're not on their own.

0:39:50 > 0:39:52Thank you so much.

0:39:52 > 0:39:59# ..Always. #

0:40:01 > 0:40:04Ron isn't the only one supported by the money you raised.

0:40:04 > 0:40:09£1.5 million has been spent on vulnerable older people in the UK.

0:40:11 > 0:40:18MUSIC: "Boogie Wonderland" by Earth, Wind and Fire

0:40:20 > 0:40:23Welcome to Miranda's Pineapple dance studios.

0:40:25 > 0:40:28'Since artistic director Louis Spence left Pineapple

0:40:28 > 0:40:32'the baton has been passed to dance giantess Miranda.

0:40:32 > 0:40:36'Past reviews for her musical theatre roles include:

0:40:40 > 0:40:45'Meet multi-talented dance teacher Penny.

0:40:45 > 0:40:47'Penny trained at the Bath School of dance

0:40:47 > 0:40:50'where she spent several summers under Lionel Blair.'

0:40:50 > 0:40:52Such fun, such fun.

0:40:52 > 0:40:57FRANTIC MUSIC PLAYS

0:41:17 > 0:41:21Lady Ga-gaa, feel the beat. Lady Ga-gaa, dress of meat.

0:41:21 > 0:41:23Five, six, 78.

0:41:25 > 0:41:29# I want to hold them like they do instinctively... #

0:41:29 > 0:41:33'A well-known tiny little boy band with their new manager Louis Spence

0:41:33 > 0:41:36are coming to rehearse their live performance on Comic Relief night.

0:41:36 > 0:41:39We're meant to have dancers to audition for them.

0:41:39 > 0:41:42- You must have got the wrong day. - He's here.

0:41:42 > 0:41:44Hello, darling.

0:41:44 > 0:41:46- Mwah.- Mwah.

0:41:46 > 0:41:49'Miranda and Louis have always been rivals.

0:41:49 > 0:41:52'The first time Louis took Miranda to the West End it was a turning point

0:41:52 > 0:41:54'in that he turned gay.'

0:41:54 > 0:41:57You...look...fabulous.

0:41:59 > 0:42:01Here's my boys.

0:42:01 > 0:42:05Boys, in you come, quick as you can. Quick as you can, boys.

0:42:05 > 0:42:07Look at them!

0:42:08 > 0:42:13- You must be KFC.- JLS. - JLS, what does that stand for?

0:42:13 > 0:42:14Just left school?

0:42:14 > 0:42:19- Such fun.- Ignore her. Hi, I'm Miranda.- Aston.- Marvin.

0:42:19 > 0:42:21- I drive a Honda.- JB.

0:42:21 > 0:42:26- No, GTS.- No, JLS.- Really confused. And you are?

0:42:26 > 0:42:31- Oritse.- He won't say.- Listen, boys, how's the new album coming on?

0:42:31 > 0:42:34Yeah, good, we're thinking about working with Kanye West.

0:42:34 > 0:42:36- The guy that does the salmon? - No, that's John West.

0:42:36 > 0:42:40She has always been so square. Where are the dancers?

0:42:40 > 0:42:43Stevie actually thought you were coming tomorrow

0:42:43 > 0:42:44so there are no dancers.

0:42:44 > 0:42:49- Nada. Rhianna dancers.- No, I'm on it. I'm all over it like a "rawsh".

0:42:49 > 0:42:53Ola, I'm the new JLS PR.

0:42:53 > 0:42:55FYI. LOL.

0:42:55 > 0:42:59Oh, to the M, to the G. I mean "ROFL", seriously.

0:42:59 > 0:43:01BLEEPING

0:43:01 > 0:43:04Oh, sorry. Bear with, bear with...

0:43:04 > 0:43:08Oh, it's Robbie. Ugh. Right, OK, sorry, fab.

0:43:08 > 0:43:12Listen, we need dancers, right?

0:43:12 > 0:43:15We all know that Comic Relief is a huge night.

0:43:15 > 0:43:18Wah! Oh, God, sorry, can you not get so close.

0:43:18 > 0:43:22Oh, Sweetie, are you all right? Do you want to go outside and play?

0:43:22 > 0:43:25Do you want a biscuit? Are you OK?

0:43:25 > 0:43:27And you don't need to tell me that Comic Relief is a big TV night.

0:43:27 > 0:43:31It's the night comedians ruin their careers.

0:43:31 > 0:43:34We found some dancers in the building and we reckon we could pull it off.

0:43:34 > 0:43:37'JLS reckon think they can pull it off, but how?'

0:43:37 > 0:43:39- But how?- But how?

0:43:39 > 0:43:41- But how?- But how?

0:43:41 > 0:43:45# Go on, put your head aside, feeling sleepy tonight, say yeah,

0:43:45 > 0:43:48# Yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

0:43:48 > 0:43:54# New lo-o-o-o-ove... #

0:43:54 > 0:43:59Still to come: A host of comedy greats in Upstairs Downton.

0:43:59 > 0:44:03The Masterchef girls cook for the Prime Minister.

0:44:03 > 0:44:04LAUGHTER

0:44:04 > 0:44:07Alan Partridge...

0:44:07 > 0:44:11..and Smithy reveals who gets the Africa gig.

0:44:11 > 0:44:15# Tonight I'm sleeping

0:44:15 > 0:44:18# Sleeping with my eyes wide shut. #

0:44:23 > 0:44:28Hi. How are you? 'This school in London raised more than £2,000 for Red Nose Day

0:44:28 > 0:44:31'and I'm here to thank as many of them as I can.'

0:44:31 > 0:44:33HE SQUEALS

0:44:34 > 0:44:39Look at how civilised this is - lunch! It's like they're having a meeting!

0:44:39 > 0:44:43'Everyone got involved, kids, teachers and even the dinner ladies

0:44:43 > 0:44:45'and I want to show my appreciation.'

0:44:46 > 0:44:50- Hello. Alison?- Yes. - Hello. Have a little rest.

0:44:50 > 0:44:53- Are you going to do service? - Yeah, I'll do service.

0:44:53 > 0:44:55You can put my hat on.

0:44:55 > 0:44:58I get the feeling these are for decoration!

0:44:58 > 0:45:05- Hello. Have you booked? Would you like a pepper?- Please can I have fish fingers?- You certainly can.

0:45:05 > 0:45:08Thank you for coming to school lunch.

0:45:08 > 0:45:09Did it?!

0:45:09 > 0:45:11Do you know what Comic Relief is?

0:45:11 > 0:45:13- ALL: Yes.- What is it?

0:45:13 > 0:45:17- Raise money for the poor people. - That's absolutely right.

0:45:17 > 0:45:22- Did you all know that? ALL: Yes.- Are you a comedy man? - I am a comedy man.

0:45:22 > 0:45:27Can I just talk to you a little bit about that table over there?

0:45:27 > 0:45:32They're incredibly well behaved. Are they part of some kind of experiment?

0:45:32 > 0:45:35- Seriously.- They don't know who you are.

0:45:35 > 0:45:38They only listen to Radio 4!

0:45:47 > 0:45:55Earlier this year Dermot O'Leary, Olly Murs, Lorraine Kelly and Craig David

0:45:55 > 0:45:58took part in a challenge to trek across an African desert.

0:46:00 > 0:46:03Along with Nadia Sawalha, Kara Tointon, Ronnie Ancona,

0:46:03 > 0:46:08Peter White and Scott Mills, they braved searing heat

0:46:08 > 0:46:12and sore feet to walk 100 kilometres of Kenya's most inhospitable terrain.

0:46:15 > 0:46:17I just don't think I can go any further.

0:46:17 > 0:46:24It was tough going, but they did it and raised more than £1.5 million to fund sight projects in Africa.

0:46:31 > 0:46:35Dermot went to see one of them in action in Kibera.

0:46:35 > 0:46:37MAKES LOUD SPEAKER ANNOUNCEMENT:

0:46:49 > 0:46:51You just mumbled that last bit! REPEATS PHRASE

0:46:53 > 0:46:57Are you sure you've given me the right translation? Is that right?

0:46:57 > 0:47:00Do you understand that? Is my Swahili OK?

0:47:00 > 0:47:02- Yes!- Ah!

0:47:03 > 0:47:07'By 8:30, there's already a massive queue for the clinic.

0:47:08 > 0:47:13'Most of the people here have eye problems caused by allergies and infections.'

0:47:13 > 0:47:18What's struck me is the fact that, for the most part, a lot of these ailments are relatively simple,

0:47:18 > 0:47:22but it's what they escalate to. HE SPEAKS SWAHILI

0:47:22 > 0:47:26This chap has been blacking out, he has difficulty seeing, gets dizzy.

0:47:26 > 0:47:30This guy here, extraordinarily, had a problem about three years ago

0:47:30 > 0:47:33and thought, "I have another eye, it won't matter."

0:47:33 > 0:47:38Some of kids are the most upsetting, because you can just see in their eyes the pain that this causes.

0:47:40 > 0:47:43- 'But, there's hope.' - L. N.- N.- P.

0:47:44 > 0:47:49'The money you've given has helped Comic Relief fund mobile eye clinics like this.

0:47:49 > 0:47:54'They reach people in remote communities and have a big impact on the lives of those they treat.'

0:47:58 > 0:48:03'Your money will help treat two million people across Africa over the next two years.

0:48:08 > 0:48:13'You're giving people back their sight, and that is brilliant.'

0:48:13 > 0:48:15It's been an incredible day. I really enjoyed it.

0:48:15 > 0:48:19It's simple cause and effect - money goes in, and there's an end product.

0:48:19 > 0:48:22Your money makes someone see - it's as simple as that.

0:48:25 > 0:48:32'A staggering 150,000 people can now see again, thanks to the money you raised this Red Nose Day.'

0:48:34 > 0:48:35Thank you.

0:48:40 > 0:48:46When Take That held auditions for a tribute band to represent them, the search wasn't easy.

0:48:46 > 0:48:49# I was built to be magnificent

0:48:49 > 0:48:54# And they checked my pulse and it gave them hope

0:48:54 > 0:48:57# That there was no truth to what was wrote

0:48:57 > 0:48:59# Give me half as much... #

0:48:59 > 0:49:03'I spoke to David Walliams about how much fun he had doing that sketch.'

0:49:05 > 0:49:10- You played Howard Donald. - Catherine Tate was Jason Orange,

0:49:10 > 0:49:12Alan Carr was Mark Owen.

0:49:12 > 0:49:15And it was really hard with the two of them to see who was who.

0:49:15 > 0:49:19- I can imagine.- They're virtually identical, aren't they?!

0:49:19 > 0:49:21And John Bishop was Robbie Williams.

0:49:21 > 0:49:26- I was overlooked for the role of Barlow. That went to...- James Corden.- The wonderful James Corden.

0:49:26 > 0:49:29- I do quite a good Barlow. - Let's see it.

0:49:29 > 0:49:32IMITATES PHONE RINGING

0:49:32 > 0:49:34LISPS: Hello, Howard from Take That speaking!

0:49:34 > 0:49:39- AS GARY BARLOW:- Hello, Howard, it's Gary Barlow, also of Take That.

0:49:39 > 0:49:42I've just had a phone call from... Comic Relief.

0:49:42 > 0:49:44THEY LAUGH

0:49:44 > 0:49:47They want us to have a fake Take That!

0:49:50 > 0:49:52No thank you, Gary,

0:49:52 > 0:49:56because that David Walliams might do me and make me look stupid!

0:49:57 > 0:50:01The thing is, you know, I feel guilty because that's just great fun.

0:50:01 > 0:50:05Because it was all five of Take That back together,

0:50:05 > 0:50:07I felt like I was with the Beatles.

0:50:07 > 0:50:09It's one thing to meet one or two of them,

0:50:09 > 0:50:11but to meet them all at once,

0:50:11 > 0:50:14all dressed up as Take That, was incredible.

0:50:42 > 0:50:46Allow me to introduce Carter, the butler.

0:50:46 > 0:50:48HE BURPS

0:50:48 > 0:50:51- Mrs Danvers, the housekeeper. - Ma'am.

0:50:51 > 0:50:53- O'Brien.- Eurgh!

0:50:53 > 0:50:55Thomas, the evil footman.

0:50:55 > 0:50:57Oh, hello, gorgeous!

0:50:57 > 0:50:59Housemaid.

0:50:59 > 0:51:01Undermaid.

0:51:01 > 0:51:02Overmaid.

0:51:02 > 0:51:06Teasmaid. Milkmaid.

0:51:06 > 0:51:07- Lovely.- Home-maid.

0:51:07 > 0:51:10Yes, it's me, the Knitted Character!

0:51:11 > 0:51:15Maid in China. She's not here at the moment, obviously.

0:51:15 > 0:51:17And finally, mermaid.

0:51:18 > 0:51:21Oh, and my man, Bates.

0:51:21 > 0:51:25- Don't I know you from Lark Pies to Cranchesterford?- Aye, ma'am.

0:51:25 > 0:51:28- Same character?- I've added a bit of a limp this time, ma'am.

0:51:28 > 0:51:31Jolly good. Carry on.

0:51:42 > 0:51:46One of the continuity problems we have here is that we shoot

0:51:46 > 0:51:49all the "upstairs" bits here at Highclere Castle

0:51:49 > 0:51:53and all the "downstairs" bits in a studio in Ealing,

0:51:53 > 0:51:55about 60 miles away.

0:51:55 > 0:51:57So...

0:51:57 > 0:52:00I go down here...

0:52:05 > 0:52:07..and back again.

0:52:17 > 0:52:21Ah, there you are, Carter. We'd like some more tea.

0:52:21 > 0:52:24Of course, Lady Grantham.

0:52:24 > 0:52:26THEY CHATTER

0:52:28 > 0:52:31Tea, tea! They want more tea!

0:52:40 > 0:52:43I'm trying to help, but I just can't reach!

0:52:43 > 0:52:46I can't reach! Oh!

0:52:52 > 0:52:55SILENCE

0:52:55 > 0:52:56CLOCK TICKS

0:53:04 > 0:53:06SLOW ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

0:53:33 > 0:53:35Cake, sir?

0:53:35 > 0:53:40You put it in your mouth...and chew.

0:53:40 > 0:53:43I know how to eat cake, thank you.

0:53:45 > 0:53:48What a lovely lounge. MUSIC STOPS

0:54:00 > 0:54:03I mean drawing room, obviously. MUSIC RESUMES

0:54:11 > 0:54:15Clouds over Somalia, but no rain...

0:54:15 > 0:54:18The United Nations estimates that 12 million people

0:54:18 > 0:54:21are at risk of starving to death in the Horn of Africa...

0:54:21 > 0:54:23A new generation across the border.

0:54:23 > 0:54:26Another mother building another shelter

0:54:26 > 0:54:29in this no man's land of hopelessness.

0:54:30 > 0:54:34Sometimes, the need for the money you gave couldn't be more urgent.

0:54:36 > 0:54:39This year, East Africa was hit by a massive drought,

0:54:39 > 0:54:42affecting more than 12 million people.

0:54:42 > 0:54:46The famine that followed has plunged the region into crisis,

0:54:46 > 0:54:48and hundreds of thousands of people

0:54:48 > 0:54:51have been forced to leave their homes.

0:54:52 > 0:54:56Habiba had no food for her children.

0:54:56 > 0:54:59They were suffering from malnutrition.

0:54:59 > 0:55:03Her youngest, Ali, was seriously underweight.

0:55:03 > 0:55:06The family was in desperate need of help.

0:55:06 > 0:55:11Thanks to your incredible generosity this Red Nose Day, help was there.

0:55:15 > 0:55:18£1 million of your money helped set up emergency feeding stations

0:55:18 > 0:55:20across the region.

0:55:22 > 0:55:26The good news is that Ali was able to get water,

0:55:26 > 0:55:29food and vital medical help - just like thousands of others.

0:55:31 > 0:55:36# We've got open arms

0:55:36 > 0:55:40# For open hearts... #

0:55:40 > 0:55:43Your money really does save lives.

0:55:43 > 0:55:45# Like yours, my boy,

0:55:45 > 0:55:51# Come home again

0:55:51 > 0:55:57# Everyone's here

0:55:57 > 0:56:02# The moon wants a scrap or a cuddle

0:56:02 > 0:56:05# The moon is face down in a puddle

0:56:05 > 0:56:09- # And everyone's here.- #

0:56:09 > 0:56:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:56:14 > 0:56:17I met up with James Corden, whose character, Smithy,

0:56:17 > 0:56:20has become a legend of British comedy.

0:56:20 > 0:56:22And the Comic Relief team.

0:56:23 > 0:56:28- Look, we really need your help. Any chance you could give us a hand? - All right. I'll come in now,

0:56:28 > 0:56:29but this is the last time.

0:56:29 > 0:56:32When I see the stuff you've done for Comic Relief,

0:56:32 > 0:56:35I'm so in awe of what you've managed to achieve.

0:56:35 > 0:56:39Dame Kelly Holmes. Kelly, you've got two gold medals,

0:56:39 > 0:56:42but essentially your job is just running around.

0:56:42 > 0:56:45LAUGHTER

0:56:45 > 0:56:4657, take one.

0:56:46 > 0:56:50I grew up in a house where Comic Relief was, like,

0:56:50 > 0:56:52the best night of the year.

0:56:52 > 0:56:54THEY HUM "ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES" THEME

0:56:54 > 0:56:57Going to school in your pyjamas

0:56:57 > 0:57:01and the noses on the cars and all the things like that, I just always

0:57:01 > 0:57:05remember thinking, "God, I would love to do something for Comic Relief."

0:57:05 > 0:57:07MUSIC: "I'm Your Man" by Wham!

0:57:07 > 0:57:10Yeah? You love this one, don't you?

0:57:10 > 0:57:14I really wanted some music in the sketch. I think it's really important. So, I just...

0:57:14 > 0:57:17I couldn't get this image of Smithy and George Michael

0:57:17 > 0:57:21in matching tracksuits, singing "I'm Your Man"...

0:57:21 > 0:57:25It just stayed in my head and I just thought, "This could be so funny."

0:57:25 > 0:57:27# Call me good, uh-huh!

0:57:27 > 0:57:28# Call me bad

0:57:28 > 0:57:33# Call me anything you want to, baby... #

0:57:33 > 0:57:36The one that everyone said, "Look, guys,

0:57:36 > 0:57:38"this might be a bridge too far," was Gordon Brown.

0:57:38 > 0:57:40Well, I'd like to go.

0:57:40 > 0:57:44I think the work that Comic Relief is doing is absolutely amazing.

0:57:44 > 0:57:48We wanted someone in the sketch that you would never expect,

0:57:48 > 0:57:51that you had never seen in anything else.

0:57:51 > 0:57:53We just felt that a former prime minister...

0:57:53 > 0:57:55and if we could get Gordon Brown,

0:57:55 > 0:57:58it would just bring the sketch such gravitas.

0:57:58 > 0:58:02And he was the only person who learned all his lines - he was brilliant.

0:58:02 > 0:58:07There's always moments in these sketches where I go to Ben, the director, "Have we got it?" "Yeah."

0:58:07 > 0:58:11So we know we've got it. And then I just went...

0:58:11 > 0:58:15"Guys, why don't you all do a fist pump?"

0:58:16 > 0:58:20If you throw it in like that, it doesn't give anyone a chance to...

0:58:20 > 0:58:22You must have had to explain that to Gordon Brown?

0:58:22 > 0:58:27So, I go, "Gordon, just lift your fist like that and then just do what they do."

0:58:27 > 0:58:30- That way.- This way, hold on.

0:58:30 > 0:58:33It's like that, and then they both touch you at the same time.

0:58:33 > 0:58:36That is golden right there.

0:58:36 > 0:58:40For an exclusive behind-the-scenes show about the Smithy sketch, press the red button.

0:58:40 > 0:58:43But not before you watch part two.

0:58:44 > 0:58:48# Everybody in love Put your hands up

0:58:48 > 0:58:50# If you're... # Wait for it.

0:58:50 > 0:58:51# Put your hands up... #

0:58:51 > 0:58:54All right, don't take the piss.

0:58:54 > 0:58:56Well, I might as well say my piece.

0:58:56 > 0:59:00I think it would be a fantastic opportunity to go to Africa.

0:59:00 > 0:59:04It's a once in a lifetime experience. I'd be thrilled to go.

0:59:04 > 0:59:07Right, that's great. Honestly, it's brilliant.

0:59:07 > 0:59:10And some people will want to see the bloke out of The Vicar of Dibley

0:59:10 > 0:59:12wandering round Kenya, yeah?

0:59:12 > 0:59:16But what everybody wants to see is Trigger,

0:59:16 > 0:59:19Del Boy, Rodney, Raquel, Cassandra, yeah?

0:59:19 > 0:59:22- The Jolly Boys' Outing. - Boycie giving it, "Marlene!"

0:59:22 > 0:59:26"This time next year, you'll be millionaires." They won't. You'll be giving out mange-tout.

0:59:26 > 0:59:30"You plonker!"

0:59:30 > 0:59:32- "Play it cool, Trig." - "You dipstick!"

0:59:32 > 0:59:35You love that! Boosh, boosh, boosh!

0:59:35 > 0:59:38THEY HUM "ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES" THEME

0:59:40 > 0:59:42Everyone!

0:59:42 > 0:59:45# Why do only fools and horses work? #

0:59:45 > 0:59:47THEY LAUGH

0:59:47 > 0:59:49So, what do you think?

0:59:50 > 0:59:52No.

0:59:52 > 0:59:54Oh.

0:59:55 > 0:59:57That's a bit weird.

0:59:57 > 0:59:59Rio, what about you?

0:59:59 > 1:00:02I'd love to go. I mean, I feel I should.

1:00:02 > 1:00:05I'm from the same rough background as these kids.

1:00:05 > 1:00:08I understand their plight. But it's up to you guys.

1:00:08 > 1:00:11I don't know if I could pull it off.

1:00:11 > 1:00:14But if you think I could do it, then, yeah.

1:00:14 > 1:00:16He's got over 300,000 people following him on Twitter.

1:00:16 > 1:00:21- He's a popular guy.- He's a businessman, got his own clothing line.- Got his own magazine, too.

1:00:21 > 1:00:25He is good friends with David Beckham, who, of course, I worked very closely with

1:00:25 > 1:00:28- when we delivered the Olympic Games. - Definite potential.

1:00:28 > 1:00:30Maybe you should.

1:00:30 > 1:00:32Maybe I should!? What do you take me for?

1:00:32 > 1:00:36I've won the Champions League, the Premier League a few times. I was being humble.

1:00:36 > 1:00:38Of course I should go!

1:00:38 > 1:00:41- Keep your pants on, Rio! - Anybody in favour of Rio?

1:00:41 > 1:00:44One, two, three, four, five...

1:00:44 > 1:00:46- He can't go.- What?

1:00:46 > 1:00:48He can't cry on camera.

1:00:48 > 1:00:52Of course I can. I can.

1:00:52 > 1:00:54You can't. You know you can't.

1:00:54 > 1:00:58- And if you can't cry, you can't go. - She's got a point.

1:00:58 > 1:01:02Everybody knows that tears are the first rule of a good Comic Relief film.

1:01:02 > 1:01:05- I can cry! I'm telling you, I can cry.- Go on, then.

1:01:05 > 1:01:09- We will need to see it. - Got to see those tears, my man.

1:01:09 > 1:01:11OK. All right.

1:01:19 > 1:01:22HE GROANS

1:01:25 > 1:01:27HE SQUEALS

1:01:34 > 1:01:36I used to be able to do this, man.

1:01:39 > 1:01:42- Pathetic.- Awful.

1:01:42 > 1:01:43Told you.

1:01:43 > 1:01:46Sorry, buddy. Just wasn't meant to be.

1:01:48 > 1:01:50All right, so who is going?

1:01:50 > 1:01:52- I'll go.- If she's going, I'm going.

1:01:52 > 1:01:55- I'll definitely be there. - Count me in. Very happy to go.

1:01:55 > 1:01:57- I'm up for it, too. - Yeah. Of course you are.

1:01:57 > 1:02:01To know I've helped just one child somewhere in the world

1:02:01 > 1:02:03makes it worthwhile.

1:02:03 > 1:02:08Good point. I believe that children are the future.

1:02:08 > 1:02:09Whitney Houston.

1:02:09 > 1:02:11All those in favour of Keira, say "aye".

1:02:11 > 1:02:13- She can't go.- Why?

1:02:13 > 1:02:16Don't take this the wrong way, but you're too good-looking.

1:02:16 > 1:02:21Right? You'll be out there in a little white vest, sun on your back,

1:02:21 > 1:02:26sweat dripping down. People won't be looking at the starving African you're holding in your arms.

1:02:26 > 1:02:29It'll be, "Cor, look at him, the lucky bastard! Hands all over her!"

1:02:29 > 1:02:34- Hadn't thought of that.- If you're too good-looking, you can't go. JLS, sorry - includes you.

1:02:34 > 1:02:36You're out. Dermot, you're borderline.

1:02:36 > 1:02:40I did tell you. In the 2012 meetings, we had a lot more order than this.

1:02:40 > 1:02:43Will you shut up about 2012? I know it might come as a shock to you,

1:02:43 > 1:02:46but some things aren't about the Olympics.

1:02:46 > 1:02:48LAUGHTER

1:02:48 > 1:02:52- Tom, do you ever wear any clothes? - LAUGHTER

1:02:52 > 1:02:56This is ridiculous. You know what? If anyone should go, it should be me.

1:02:56 > 1:03:01Yeah, sure, I'm not some big celebrity.

1:03:01 > 1:03:04I'm just a plumber. A handyman from Billericay.

1:03:04 > 1:03:08But that - that's exactly why I should go.

1:03:08 > 1:03:10SOFT PIANO MUSIC

1:03:10 > 1:03:12I've got skills. I can actually help.

1:03:12 > 1:03:18I can go out there, drill some wells, put up a few shacks,

1:03:18 > 1:03:21install their Sky+. It's what I do, it's why I'm here.

1:03:21 > 1:03:26I can help those less fortunate than ourselves.

1:03:26 > 1:03:29And as I stand before you now... PIANO MUSIC BUILDS

1:03:29 > 1:03:32LAUGHTER

1:03:32 > 1:03:34Thanks, man.

1:03:34 > 1:03:36- CHOKED VOICE: I love you, Smithy. - LAUGHTER

1:03:38 > 1:03:40I say, "I'm Smithy,

1:03:40 > 1:03:43"and I'm going to Africa."

1:03:43 > 1:03:45HE EXHALES

1:03:50 > 1:03:52- That's great.- Big time.

1:03:54 > 1:03:57Biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard.

1:03:57 > 1:04:00PIANO MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY What!?

1:04:00 > 1:04:03- You can't go. - Why? Cos I'm not famous?

1:04:03 > 1:04:06No. Because you're a bloater.

1:04:06 > 1:04:09People don't like tubbies in Africa.

1:04:09 > 1:04:14You know the argument - if they'd eaten less food themselves, no-one would be starving.

1:04:14 > 1:04:18- It's a fair point.- Hear hear. - I hate tubbies.

1:04:18 > 1:04:21I've kept quiet, I've heard what people have had to say,

1:04:21 > 1:04:24but you all know that the only person around this table

1:04:24 > 1:04:26who can go is me.

1:04:26 > 1:04:31I was in the biggest rock 'n' roll band in the history of music.

1:04:31 > 1:04:32That's a bit disrespectful -

1:04:32 > 1:04:35- in front of JLS. - LAUGHTER

1:04:35 > 1:04:37Smithy, it's...

1:04:37 > 1:04:41I've had a longer career than all of you put together.

1:04:41 > 1:04:44My music has touched millions of people round the world

1:04:44 > 1:04:47and I am the last remaining Beatle.

1:04:47 > 1:04:51- What about me!?- I'm one of the last remaining Beatles.

1:04:51 > 1:04:53- HE SIGHS - My God...

1:04:53 > 1:04:55Anybody disagree?

1:04:57 > 1:04:59Well, that's decided.

1:04:59 > 1:05:01Nice one, Sir Macca.

1:05:01 > 1:05:04You're doing this year's appeal film in Africa. Fair play.

1:05:10 > 1:05:13Right, is there anything else? Cos I got a mate waiting in the car.

1:05:13 > 1:05:16Good. Meeting adjourned.

1:05:16 > 1:05:18- Fancy a pint? - Of course, bro. Let's bounce.

1:05:18 > 1:05:20LAUGHTER

1:05:25 > 1:05:28- How did it go? - Sir Macca's doing the appeal film,

1:05:28 > 1:05:32Gordon Brown's rapping with JLS, Justin Bieber was on the keys.

1:05:32 > 1:05:36- I think that's a good day's work. - Not as good as this.

1:05:36 > 1:05:38MUSIC: "I'm Your Man" by Wham!

1:05:38 > 1:05:41# Do-do-do!

1:05:41 > 1:05:44# Woah, woah, woah! #

1:05:44 > 1:05:45I love the early ones!

1:05:45 > 1:05:48# Do-do do-do do... #

1:05:48 > 1:05:50I love in-jokes!

1:05:55 > 1:05:58Blue Peter's Helen Skelton was someone who did visit Africa -

1:05:58 > 1:06:01to see how your money's being spent.

1:06:02 > 1:06:04- ALL:- Kushe!

1:06:04 > 1:06:07That's hello from Sierra Leone in West Africa.

1:06:07 > 1:06:10I am here to say thank you for getting involved

1:06:10 > 1:06:13with this year's Red Nose Day campaign.

1:06:13 > 1:06:16Whatever you did, it's greatly appreciated.

1:06:16 > 1:06:19So, Alan Crockett, well done for managing to stay silent all day.

1:06:19 > 1:06:21He raised over £86.

1:06:21 > 1:06:24And Kelly Osbourne - not that Kelly Osbourne, this one's in Kent -

1:06:24 > 1:06:26and she dressed up in '70s clothing all day

1:06:26 > 1:06:30and raised over £400. I did my bit as well, didn't I?

1:06:30 > 1:06:33THEY SHOUT

1:06:35 > 1:06:38In February, I took on a Comic Relief challenge.

1:06:40 > 1:06:47I walked a tightrope between two towers of Battersea Power Station - more than 200 feet above the ground -

1:06:47 > 1:06:49and raised more than £250,000 doing it.

1:06:54 > 1:06:56SHE SCREAMS

1:06:57 > 1:07:00That was the hard bit but this is the good bit.

1:07:00 > 1:07:03I've come to a hospital where I'm going to let a project know

1:07:03 > 1:07:06that they will be receiving a grant.

1:07:06 > 1:07:11They're going to get over £300,000 because of the money that you raised on Red Nose Day.

1:07:11 > 1:07:17That money means that fewer children under the age of five will die of preventable diseases.

1:07:17 > 1:07:20The hospital doesn't know about the grant.

1:07:20 > 1:07:23It's going to be a fantastic surprise for them.

1:07:23 > 1:07:25And the need couldn't be greater here.

1:07:25 > 1:07:29Sierra Leone has the highest infant mortality rate in the world.

1:07:29 > 1:07:33And this children's hospital is stretched to breaking point.

1:07:33 > 1:07:38He was admitted on 1st July for fever, diarrhoea and vomiting.

1:07:39 > 1:07:43Dr Ish is a paediatrician and looks after many of the children

1:07:43 > 1:07:45who come into this hospital

1:07:45 > 1:07:49but there's just not enough equipment and not enough doctors.

1:07:49 > 1:07:52She's seriously ill but I can see behind you another baby.

1:07:52 > 1:07:54Is this normal, sharing the beds?

1:07:54 > 1:07:57Oh, OK, so we have two babies on this bed because of the space.

1:07:57 > 1:08:01We don't have enough space, enough beds.

1:08:01 > 1:08:06Every day, children are admitted suffering from conditions

1:08:06 > 1:08:08like malaria and diarrhoea.

1:08:08 > 1:08:11So this is Ward 3.

1:08:11 > 1:08:16Conditions which are perfectly treatable but which can prove fatal here.

1:08:16 > 1:08:19On this ward, there's one doctor responsible for all these patients.

1:08:19 > 1:08:23Can you say that if you had more doctors and nurses,

1:08:23 > 1:08:25more children's lives would be saved?

1:08:25 > 1:08:27Sure. Sure.

1:08:27 > 1:08:29We'd save more lives.

1:08:29 > 1:08:31You applied for a Comic Relief grant

1:08:31 > 1:08:34and I get to be the bearer of some good news.

1:08:34 > 1:08:37You are going to get the money from Comic Relief

1:08:37 > 1:08:40so you'll get funding for the next few years.

1:08:40 > 1:08:42I don't know what to say! Thank you very much!

1:08:42 > 1:08:44Let's hug it out!

1:08:44 > 1:08:46Thank you!

1:08:46 > 1:08:48Your money will help this hospital look after

1:08:48 > 1:08:52even more really sick children.

1:08:55 > 1:08:57That's brilliant!

1:08:57 > 1:09:00I can't tell you how good it feels to be the bearer of such good news

1:09:00 > 1:09:03but I can tell you that it's down to you.

1:09:03 > 1:09:06It's down to the money you raised and the effort you put in,

1:09:06 > 1:09:08so thank you very, very much.

1:09:11 > 1:09:16This isn't the only hospital being supported by the money you've raised.

1:09:16 > 1:09:21£6 million is being spent on children's healthcare in Africa.

1:09:21 > 1:09:25RADIO JINGLE: North Norfolk Digital

1:09:25 > 1:09:30It's time to get serious because Comic Relief isn't just about the fun things that we all love,

1:09:30 > 1:09:37like Chris Moyle's doing a guest appearance on Two Packets Of Crisps And A Pint Of Lager.

1:09:37 > 1:09:42It's also about serious things, like Davina McCall holding the hand

1:09:42 > 1:09:47of an African boy whilst crouching down and saying a phone number.

1:09:47 > 1:09:49It's very, very solemn.

1:09:49 > 1:09:51With that in mind, Simon,

1:09:51 > 1:09:53if you could give us some facts about Africa.

1:09:53 > 1:09:56RECORDED JINGLE: Fact attack!

1:09:56 > 1:09:59LOADING GUN AND GUNSHOT

1:09:59 > 1:10:00LOADING GUN AND GUNSHOT

1:10:00 > 1:10:02LOADING GUN AND GUNSHOT

1:10:04 > 1:10:06LOADING GUN AND GUNSHOT

1:10:10 > 1:10:15Fact number one, every year in Africa starvation kills X children.

1:10:15 > 1:10:16What?

1:10:16 > 1:10:20You've not filled this in. I told you to fill in the blank.

1:10:20 > 1:10:23I thought you'd filled it in. I thought the X was Roman numerals.

1:10:23 > 1:10:27What? You think every year in sub-Saharan Africa

1:10:27 > 1:10:29ten children die of starvation?

1:10:29 > 1:10:31It's more than that, in't it?

1:10:31 > 1:10:35Do you think Richard Curtis would get out of bed for ten dead kids?

1:10:35 > 1:10:38Fact number two. Aids...

1:10:38 > 1:10:41We're going to have to do the comedy. Let's just...

1:10:41 > 1:10:44Er... Go and find where our special celebrity guest is.

1:10:44 > 1:10:47Go on. See if he's here.

1:10:47 > 1:10:51Time now for a very special comedy guest.

1:10:51 > 1:10:54God, these... Really pinches.

1:10:54 > 1:10:56I wore these back in 2001.

1:10:56 > 1:10:57Ow.

1:10:57 > 1:11:01Erm, it's none other than Abu Hamza,

1:11:01 > 1:11:04the boss-eyed Muslim cleric with a hook for a hand!

1:11:04 > 1:11:07- Hello, Abu!- Hello, Alan!

1:11:07 > 1:11:10What have you been doing for Comic Relief?

1:11:10 > 1:11:13I sat in a bath of beans.

1:11:13 > 1:11:16Right. Come on, mate. Everyone's been doing that.

1:11:16 > 1:11:18You've got to be more original.

1:11:19 > 1:11:20With a golden retriever.

1:11:20 > 1:11:23No... Don't do that. Just... Improv.

1:11:23 > 1:11:24Are you all right?

1:11:24 > 1:11:26You hit my back.

1:11:26 > 1:11:29A... Ab... What are you doing these days, Abu?

1:11:29 > 1:11:33I've been in Belmarsh Prison

1:11:33 > 1:11:36awaiting extradition proceedings to the US.

1:11:36 > 1:11:39That's not funny. This is Comic Relief, for Christ's sakes.

1:11:39 > 1:11:40Sorry.

1:11:40 > 1:11:44Not you, him. You've got enough on your plate.

1:11:44 > 1:11:45Beans!

1:11:45 > 1:11:47LAUGHTER

1:11:47 > 1:11:48You see, now, he's funny!

1:11:48 > 1:11:50Ow, nose.

1:11:50 > 1:11:54Oh God. Jesus... Ah, shit.

1:11:54 > 1:11:58There must've been a reservoir building up in there. Ah, Jesus.

1:11:58 > 1:12:00Ladies and gentlemen, Abu Hamza,

1:12:00 > 1:12:03the boss-eyed Muslim cleric with a hook for a hand!

1:12:03 > 1:12:04Death to the West!

1:12:08 > 1:12:12Karl, what do you make of Comic Relief night itself? Do you watch?

1:12:12 > 1:12:13Does it make you laugh?

1:12:13 > 1:12:15I just feel like it goes on too long.

1:12:15 > 1:12:20You know, they keep saying, "This is the figure we're after, let's beat last year's."

1:12:20 > 1:12:21No, let's not.

1:12:21 > 1:12:24Let's not beat last year's cos next year, you'll want even more.

1:12:24 > 1:12:26I say, let's have a bit of a lull.

1:12:26 > 1:12:28An all-time low, let's try and do that.

1:12:28 > 1:12:32So next year, it's easier to crack. I've always thought that.

1:12:32 > 1:12:34It's tricky, this, cos it looks like I'm having a go.

1:12:34 > 1:12:38All I'm saying is, if you haven't got that much money,

1:12:38 > 1:12:40the money you have got, you spend wisely.

1:12:40 > 1:12:43Over in Africa, you've got an all-time high.

1:12:43 > 1:12:4550 million. Well, let's go mental.

1:12:45 > 1:12:47No, let's not go mental.

1:12:47 > 1:12:49Just give 'em a few million, see how they get on.

1:12:49 > 1:12:52Give generously but not too generously

1:12:52 > 1:12:54cos tonight we want an all-time low.

1:12:54 > 1:12:55LAUGHTER

1:12:56 > 1:12:58Thank you.

1:13:02 > 1:13:06The money you raised isn't just spent in Africa.

1:13:06 > 1:13:12Over the years Comic Relief have supported more than 12,500 projects here in the UK.

1:13:13 > 1:13:1613-year-old Lauren cares for her mum who's sick.

1:13:16 > 1:13:19Whenever I blow out my birthday candles,

1:13:19 > 1:13:21I always wish the same wish -

1:13:21 > 1:13:23I hope my mum gets a bit better.

1:13:23 > 1:13:26Your money makes sure she still gets a childhood.

1:13:28 > 1:13:34750,000 children in Britain see violence in their own homes.

1:13:34 > 1:13:38I thought I was going to die and I thought my son was going to die.

1:13:38 > 1:13:41Your money provides safety and shelter.

1:13:41 > 1:13:44I keep writing. The words happen.

1:13:44 > 1:13:47One in four of us will experience mental health problems.

1:13:47 > 1:13:51Your money has given help and hope to those affected.

1:13:51 > 1:13:54It helps you to get better if you think you can.

1:13:54 > 1:13:58You know you can, cos you can.

1:13:58 > 1:14:00Right now, Red Nose Day money is being spent

1:14:00 > 1:14:04on more than 1,300 projects here in the UK.

1:14:04 > 1:14:06Your money goes a long way.

1:14:13 > 1:14:19Sometimes it's the smallest things that make the biggest differences.

1:14:19 > 1:14:21Loads of you bought Red Noses.

1:14:21 > 1:14:25They cost just £1 each but they're worth a fortune when added together.

1:14:25 > 1:14:28Now, where can I get a cup of tea around here?

1:14:28 > 1:14:30Hello!

1:14:30 > 1:14:31Hello!

1:14:31 > 1:14:33Enrico! Hello, Enrico!

1:14:33 > 1:14:36I'm Michael. What a pleasure.

1:14:36 > 1:14:38These guys, as I'm sure many of you did,

1:14:38 > 1:14:42wore red noses, which just cost £1 each

1:14:42 > 1:14:46and I've basically come here to thank Enrico and his co-workers

1:14:46 > 1:14:48and give you some time off, if that's OK.

1:14:48 > 1:14:51I'm going to work here for a bit. Is that all right, Enrico?

1:14:51 > 1:14:52- Fine.- All right!

1:14:54 > 1:14:58Enrico, you go and relax. You go sit down and enjoy the facilities.

1:14:58 > 1:15:03Anybody want a coffee, sandwich? You're a bit shy to order here!

1:15:03 > 1:15:06What's this, just hanging around? This is not a bus stop!

1:15:06 > 1:15:08We're not getting shelter! We serve food!

1:15:08 > 1:15:11ITALIAN ACCENT: Either you buy food or you get out of my shop!

1:15:11 > 1:15:13Tea? Of course we have tea!

1:15:13 > 1:15:15Tea, tea...

1:15:15 > 1:15:17Ah, yes! Brilliant! Tea.

1:15:17 > 1:15:20I know tea. We need a kettle.

1:15:21 > 1:15:23LAUGHTER

1:15:23 > 1:15:26Should be fine. £1.10, please.

1:15:26 > 1:15:28Who pays for tea with a card?

1:15:28 > 1:15:30Enrico, can I accept this for a tea?

1:15:30 > 1:15:32No. We don't take cards.

1:15:32 > 1:15:37God. Can somebody buy this man a tea? It's £1.10!

1:15:37 > 1:15:39This lady out of nowhere.

1:15:39 > 1:15:42This is how you met! Are you single?

1:15:42 > 1:15:43LAUGHTER

1:15:43 > 1:15:44Look at that!

1:15:44 > 1:15:47Oh no, she's not interested. All right. Enjoy your tea!

1:15:50 > 1:15:53Enjoy your tea! Thanks very much!

1:15:57 > 1:16:00This is Number Ten Downing Street.

1:16:00 > 1:16:05It has served as the nerve centre for British Government since 1730.

1:16:05 > 1:16:10And has seen the country through two world wars.

1:16:10 > 1:16:13But nothing could have prepared it for this.

1:16:13 > 1:16:15BIG BEN TOLLS

1:16:17 > 1:16:20Claudia Winkleman, Ruby Wax

1:16:20 > 1:16:24and Miranda Hart are the three worst cooks in the country

1:16:24 > 1:16:28and they're about to be let loose in its kitchens.

1:16:31 > 1:16:33- Right.- Right.- Right.

1:16:33 > 1:16:37The contestants have one hour and 45 minutes

1:16:37 > 1:16:42to cook their own course for the Prime Minister's lunch.

1:16:42 > 1:16:47Overseeing service will be MasterChef judges, John and Michel.

1:16:48 > 1:16:51We're making Nigella's crab salad.

1:16:57 > 1:16:59OK, got it.

1:16:59 > 1:17:02- Do I need a bowl? - No, but I need a crash helmet.

1:17:04 > 1:17:06Today I'm going to make chilli con carne.

1:17:08 > 1:17:13- Oh, look! Ruby, it's doing it! - Is it working?

1:17:13 > 1:17:15EQUIPMENT CRASHES

1:17:15 > 1:17:17- Claudia, did you drop it on the floor?- I'm sorry!

1:17:17 > 1:17:20We can get this back.

1:17:20 > 1:17:21SHE LAUGHS

1:17:21 > 1:17:23I've pressed eject!

1:17:23 > 1:17:30I'm feeling very amused that I will be cooking a dish for the first time for the Prime Minister.

1:17:30 > 1:17:34This is the time I choose to cook - brilliant.

1:17:35 > 1:17:38Miranda's making a messy trifle with home-baked meringues.

1:17:38 > 1:17:42- I'm quite scared.- How is it?

1:17:42 > 1:17:46I've got an egg in my hand for the first time in my life.

1:17:46 > 1:17:47Ah!

1:17:47 > 1:17:49It actually makes me jump!

1:17:49 > 1:17:51SHE LAUGHS

1:17:51 > 1:17:54These are all ruined!

1:17:54 > 1:17:58It's all right, you're only feeding the Prime Minister. It's fine.

1:18:04 > 1:18:06Try that.

1:18:10 > 1:18:15Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Claudia. You're in big trouble.

1:18:15 > 1:18:16Is that too hot?

1:18:16 > 1:18:19Too hot? Are you kidding? It's hell in there!

1:18:20 > 1:18:23Good afternoon. Hi. How are you doing?

1:18:23 > 1:18:28Ruby has made a salad of crab, avocado and rocket

1:18:28 > 1:18:31with wasabi dressing and a dash of lime.

1:18:35 > 1:18:38A bit of shell. Two lumps of shell.

1:18:40 > 1:18:42Oh, hello.

1:18:42 > 1:18:46Appearances aren't everything.

1:18:46 > 1:18:48Thank you.

1:18:52 > 1:18:55It looks like dogs' dinner.

1:18:55 > 1:18:57- Oh, it's quite hot.- Yeah.

1:19:00 > 1:19:04Miranda has made a trifle of meringue vanilla cream and sherry sponge

1:19:04 > 1:19:10with strawberries, hundreds and thousands, almonds and gummy bears.

1:19:10 > 1:19:14I know what they've done with the government's entire stock of sherry anyway!

1:19:14 > 1:19:15It's quite powerful!

1:19:18 > 1:19:21You managed to turn it around. Well done.

1:19:21 > 1:19:24But of course there can only be one winner.

1:19:26 > 1:19:29And our winner of Comic Relief Does MasterChef...

1:19:32 > 1:19:34..is...

1:19:37 > 1:19:39..Miranda.

1:19:39 > 1:19:40Yeah!

1:19:40 > 1:19:41APPLAUSE

1:19:41 > 1:19:43First-time dish!

1:19:43 > 1:19:46Look at me, champion!

1:19:46 > 1:19:48- Yes!- Yes!

1:19:54 > 1:19:58The Downing Street MasterChef competition was just one of many

1:19:58 > 1:19:59Red Nose Day challenges.

1:20:02 > 1:20:04- You've done it!- There it is!

1:20:04 > 1:20:07Ant and Dec hijacked the airwaves...

1:20:07 > 1:20:08Hello!

1:20:08 > 1:20:12..to broadcast to as many people as possible.

1:20:12 > 1:20:14What the devil?

1:20:14 > 1:20:15How are you?

1:20:15 > 1:20:18We're here on behalf of Comic Relief.

1:20:18 > 1:20:21And Gareth Malone took on a bunch of tone-deaf chefs.

1:20:21 > 1:20:23# Polly put the kettle on.

1:20:23 > 1:20:24# Polly put the kettle on.

1:20:24 > 1:20:27# Polly put the kettle off. #

1:20:27 > 1:20:31It wouldn't be Red Nose Day without David Walliams doing some major act of endurance.

1:20:31 > 1:20:33Ehhh!

1:20:33 > 1:20:36And this year was no exception.

1:20:39 > 1:20:42Good evening, good morning, good night, whatever the hell time it is.

1:20:42 > 1:20:45He'll be up here for 24 hours. A 24-hour marathon.

1:20:45 > 1:20:49I was asked if I wanted to do a show called 24-hour Panel People,

1:20:49 > 1:20:52where I was in back-to-back panel shows.

1:20:52 > 1:20:55I don't mind being up at this time.

1:20:55 > 1:20:56Whose idea was it?

1:20:56 > 1:21:00Not mine! Because I wouldn't have put myself through it!

1:21:00 > 1:21:033:37 am.

1:21:03 > 1:21:04Are you tired?

1:21:04 > 1:21:06- I'm a little tired. - Do you need a pick-me-up?

1:21:06 > 1:21:08That happens when you're Dazed And Confused.

1:21:08 > 1:21:11I'm feeling a little bit disorientated.

1:21:13 > 1:21:17At one point, I'm backstage and I'm introducing Lionel Blair as my wife,

1:21:17 > 1:21:21cos my wife was there and Lionel Blair was there

1:21:21 > 1:21:22and they look very similar.

1:21:22 > 1:21:25- Name?- David Walliams.

1:21:25 > 1:21:26Specialist subject?

1:21:26 > 1:21:29The life and times of David Walliams.

1:21:29 > 1:21:32Having been up for 24 hours on Never Mind The Buzzcocks,

1:21:32 > 1:21:34you were lucid and funny.

1:21:34 > 1:21:37My eyesight went and I couldn't read the autocue any more.

1:21:37 > 1:21:40Then I was getting quite stroppy with the people on the show!

1:21:40 > 1:21:45Keith Harris and Orville were very funny, not like the modern comedians.

1:21:45 > 1:21:47It was lovely. I felt like I'd climbed into the TV

1:21:47 > 1:21:50cos it was a show I watched when I was a child...

1:21:50 > 1:21:52STUDIO AUDIENCE: Three, two, one!

1:22:02 > 1:22:06You've had first-hand experience of the work that Comic Relief does.

1:22:06 > 1:22:10I used to think the you know, "Is it a bit naff,

1:22:10 > 1:22:12"celebrities going to some faraway place and going,

1:22:12 > 1:22:15"please give your money?", you know.

1:22:15 > 1:22:18but when you see it yourself, you want to do everything you can.

1:22:21 > 1:22:26Earlier this year, Jack Dee came here, to Mageta Island.

1:22:26 > 1:22:31It was a forgotten community, with one of the highest infant mortality rates in Kenya.

1:22:34 > 1:22:38There wasn't enough food to feed the children and when they got ill,

1:22:38 > 1:22:41there was no medical care to treat them.

1:22:41 > 1:22:43It's a terrible thing to see.

1:22:46 > 1:22:50Here, he met small boy called Angel, who was severely malnourished

1:22:50 > 1:22:53and in very real danger.

1:22:56 > 1:23:00At 14 months, Angel was emaciated and weak from hunger.

1:23:03 > 1:23:07Barely able to sit up, this little boy was just skin and bone.

1:23:09 > 1:23:15Jack came here to ask for your help in providing the children of Mageta Island

1:23:15 > 1:23:18with life-saving emergency medicinal food called Plumpy'nut.

1:23:24 > 1:23:28And I've come back to show you just how the money you gave is making a difference.

1:23:28 > 1:23:31This is Angel today.

1:23:31 > 1:23:33Hello, Angel. How are you?

1:23:35 > 1:23:40Angel's quite shy but he likes his Plumpy'nuts.

1:23:40 > 1:23:42He's looking so much better.

1:23:42 > 1:23:46He was completely emaciated and he looked really close to death

1:23:46 > 1:23:51but now he looks a lot healthier and a lot happier, so I'm really pleased.

1:23:52 > 1:23:54And so is Angel's mum.

1:23:54 > 1:23:58Your money has nourished her son and helped make him well.

1:23:58 > 1:24:02- TRANSLATION:- Before, Angel was so weak but now, he's much stronger

1:24:02 > 1:24:05and he can even sit on his own.

1:24:05 > 1:24:09You can forget that it really comes down to somebody's life

1:24:09 > 1:24:11and somebody's life has been saved

1:24:11 > 1:24:16because of the money you donated to Comic Relief, so it's fantastic.

1:24:16 > 1:24:18It's magic.

1:24:21 > 1:24:23And the magic doesn't stop there.

1:24:23 > 1:24:24The money you gave on Red Nose Day

1:24:24 > 1:24:27is being used to help run mobile clinic camps,

1:24:27 > 1:24:29bringing healthcare to Angel

1:24:29 > 1:24:33and the other people on Mageta Island.

1:24:33 > 1:24:35This child is being inoculated

1:24:35 > 1:24:38against five of the most serious killer diseases -

1:24:38 > 1:24:40polio, whooping cough, TB,

1:24:40 > 1:24:44and will probably save this child's life.

1:24:51 > 1:24:56This once desperate, forgotten community is steadily making progress.

1:24:56 > 1:25:00The stuff your money pays for really does work.

1:25:02 > 1:25:05Everyone of you sitting at home who donated to Comic Relief,

1:25:05 > 1:25:08you did this, so thank you.

1:25:08 > 1:25:10ALL: Thank you!

1:25:10 > 1:25:13You're not just helping the people of Mageta Island,

1:25:13 > 1:25:15you're helping people across the UK and Africa.

1:25:15 > 1:25:18Thanks to your incredible generosity,

1:25:18 > 1:25:21your money has touched the lives of thousands of people

1:25:21 > 1:25:24and given them a chance of a brighter, better future.

1:25:27 > 1:25:29RADIO JINGLE: North Norfolk Digital

1:25:29 > 1:25:34Now, I'm a big fan of...of nuns.

1:25:34 > 1:25:37Very glad to hear that, Alan. Very pleased to hear it.

1:25:37 > 1:25:42No, because Irish nuns specifically sometimes get a bad press, unfairly.

1:25:42 > 1:25:47I'm specifically referring to hitting pregnant women with sticks in the '50s.

1:25:47 > 1:25:50I don't mean women in their 50s of course.

1:25:50 > 1:25:53No-one would accuse you of that, that's barbaric.

1:25:53 > 1:25:59I'm talking about hitting pregnant teenage women in the decade of the '50s

1:25:59 > 1:26:02and even then, only if they'd misbehaved.

1:26:02 > 1:26:06I'm thinking sticks, they're very much for hitting people with.

1:26:06 > 1:26:10- Back in the '50s, everyone had a stick.- Precisely.

1:26:10 > 1:26:13I'm here to talk about our relief work in Nairobi,

1:26:13 > 1:26:18where the levels of sanitation are next to non-existent

1:26:18 > 1:26:21and people have to live with open sewers...

1:26:21 > 1:26:24No, no, no. We'll let you go on about that in a minute

1:26:24 > 1:26:28but you are here because we want to give you a cheque for £200,

1:26:28 > 1:26:30which may not sound like a lot

1:26:30 > 1:26:34- but it's more than the average African earns in...- A month?

1:26:34 > 1:26:37..the BBC canteen.

1:26:37 > 1:26:44Big question - Sting, Bono, Geldof. Help or hindrance?

1:26:44 > 1:26:47Well, I think anyone who draws attention to the fact that

1:26:47 > 1:26:51there are millions of people living in one of the major cities...

1:26:51 > 1:26:55These things...! It really pinches my nose.

1:26:55 > 1:26:57Before you got here, I had a nosebleed...

1:26:57 > 1:26:58SNEEZES LOUDLY

1:26:58 > 1:27:01Shit, sister! I am so sorry.

1:27:01 > 1:27:07Oh, my God, please forgive me. This is the second worst thing that's ever happened to me.

1:27:07 > 1:27:10I have never in 30 years of broadcasting ever sneezed blood

1:27:10 > 1:27:14on the blouse/cardi of a lady of the cloth.

1:27:14 > 1:27:19And God forgive me for saying this, you've got flecks on your wimple.

1:27:19 > 1:27:21Are you OK?

1:27:21 > 1:27:22I'm sorry.

1:27:22 > 1:27:27You got what you wanted, eh! Blood on the carpet!

1:27:28 > 1:27:33Blood on a nun, which is better in a way!

1:27:33 > 1:27:34Goodbye!

1:27:34 > 1:27:39This is Clannad with Rum-da-dum Rudda-derry-mo.

1:27:39 > 1:27:41I HATE Comic Relief.

1:27:45 > 1:27:50Next year is Olympic Year and Sport Relief is going to be epic.

1:27:50 > 1:27:54This summer, David Walliams launched it in spectacular style.

1:27:58 > 1:28:07He swam an unbelievable 140 miles - yes, 140 miles - of the Thames.

1:28:09 > 1:28:11It took him eight days

1:28:11 > 1:28:15and he raised well over a million pounds for Sport Relief 2012.

1:28:16 > 1:28:20You don't have to go to the same lengths as David Walliams

1:28:20 > 1:28:22to get involved.

1:28:22 > 1:28:26Sport Relief weekend is from 23rd-25th March next year

1:28:26 > 1:28:29and the easiest way to take part is to do a Sport Relief Mile.

1:28:29 > 1:28:33Just one mile. It'll be brilliant!

1:28:33 > 1:28:36Just like this year's Red Nose Day.

1:28:39 > 1:28:45This is the most successful Red Nose Day ever!

1:28:45 > 1:28:47CHEERING

1:28:47 > 1:28:49Thank you so much.

1:28:49 > 1:28:53Don't forget, you can see the behind-the-scenes Smithy special

1:28:53 > 1:28:55by pressing the red button now.

1:28:55 > 1:28:57Agh!

1:28:57 > 1:28:59ALl: Thank you!

1:28:59 > 1:29:02Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1:29:02 > 1:29:04- Thank you. - ALL: Thank you!

1:29:04 > 1:29:06- Thank you.- Thank you.

1:29:06 > 1:29:08- Thank you so much.- Thank you.

1:29:08 > 1:29:10Thank you very, very much.

1:29:10 > 1:29:12ALl: Thank you!

1:29:12 > 1:29:14Thank you!

1:29:17 > 1:29:19Subtitling by Red Bee Media Ltd

1:29:19 > 1:29:20E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk