:00:10. > :00:18.Hello, I'm Greg Davies, and you're watching Red Nose Day 2017.
:00:19. > :00:27.I had been led to believe that I was going to be flown out to do a film
:00:28. > :00:33.in Africa. But no, I'm in a hot tub on the top of the O2. It is horrific
:00:34. > :00:38.up here. There is nothing for me to respond to. I can't tell you how
:00:39. > :00:49.unhappy I am. You're in a hot tub, cheer up! You shot your mouth!
:00:50. > :01:05.Russell Brand has a problem with a heckler. As we take a peek behind
:01:06. > :01:13.the scenes of Love Actually. All this and more still to come. Are you
:01:14. > :01:25.hot in that suit? I am! I was told I was going to Africa! Maybe you could
:01:26. > :01:30.just ask us what you prepared? All right, let's do what I prepared. So,
:01:31. > :01:37.tell me, how far do you have to walk every day to get water? We have got
:01:38. > :01:42.a tap on the ensuite. Exactly. Even though you've got no money, I
:01:43. > :01:48.understand you have a soccer kick around every Sunday in your village?
:01:49. > :01:53.I mean, this is madness! Singer down, sweetheart, we are just trying
:01:54. > :01:57.to help. We just came on here to tell you that Smack The Pony are
:01:58. > :02:04.having a reunion later in the Shell. Well, you've done that now, haven't
:02:05. > :02:21.you? Do you know you're a very rude man?! OK, let's go. That's OK, is
:02:22. > :02:27.it? What we just saw? That counts for fund-raising these days, does
:02:28. > :02:35.it? Here's a very special episode of Planet Earth, especially for Red
:02:36. > :02:38.Nose Day, brought to you by the voice of the planet, Rob Brydon. At
:02:39. > :02:42.last, something of real quality! For the very first time, the animal
:02:43. > :02:46.kingdom is putting its weight This three-toed pygmy sloth
:02:47. > :02:53.is midway through a sponsored triathlon, and setting
:02:54. > :02:56.an impressive pace. Waiting to help him
:02:57. > :03:01.through the third stage The sloth won't reach him
:03:02. > :03:06.until sometime next year, He was more of a Sport
:03:07. > :03:10.Relief booking anyway. of Animal Let's Sing
:03:11. > :03:21.And Dance For Comic Relief. Like Human Let's Sing and Dance
:03:22. > :03:25.for Comic Relief, you'll notice these bears aren't
:03:26. > :03:28.very good at dancing. That's because, to the animal world,
:03:29. > :03:30.they're celebrity bears. Here's Teddy Flintoff, who tonight
:03:31. > :03:33.is up against Mary Beary. everyone in the animal
:03:34. > :03:45.kingdom is involved. These locusts are being sponsored
:03:46. > :03:48.to eat an entire lawn. They promised the council
:03:49. > :03:53.there would only be ten of them, but Ian made it a public event
:03:54. > :03:57.on Facebook, and now there's loads. This magnificent act of mass
:03:58. > :04:02.kindness has raised over and left this neighbourhood
:04:03. > :04:08.completely barren. The remote jungles of southeast Asia
:04:09. > :04:13.are the only part of the world Instead, the wildlife
:04:14. > :04:20.here have been raising money for a different cause,
:04:21. > :04:24.Yellow Chin Day. 2,000 miles away, these
:04:25. > :04:29.lions are raising money It's actually a lion
:04:30. > :04:38.in a novelty giraffe costume. Like all novelty costumes used
:04:39. > :04:41.in the wild, there are no eyeholes as without opposable
:04:42. > :04:44.thumbs, it's impossible That's the third spectator
:04:45. > :04:54.he's hit this month. are taking part in a sponsored
:04:55. > :04:59.re-enactment of The Bourne Identity, These flamingos are going
:05:00. > :05:06.to extraordinary lengths, but have sadly forgotten to get
:05:07. > :05:09.the correct sponsorship forms, so it's all been a tragic
:05:10. > :05:15.waste of time. have come together to create one
:05:16. > :05:25.of the most majestic scenes in the entire natural world, giving
:05:26. > :05:28.out the Red Nose Day text number. I've just realised this
:05:29. > :05:38.is the number for Yellow Chin Day, Lenny Henry will tell
:05:39. > :05:43.you where to send your money. Which reminds me, he
:05:44. > :06:34.still owes me a fiver. Lorna visits Godfrey
:06:35. > :06:36.and supports him as Can I ask you a little
:06:37. > :06:44.bit about your mummy? He's definitely grieving,
:06:45. > :06:51.he's definitely still grieving for his mum but he's ten,
:06:52. > :06:54.he doesn't know how to handle grief. You know, the only support they have
:06:55. > :07:02.is through Lorna coming round. I just want to keep
:07:03. > :07:04.hugging that woman, I then discovered that
:07:05. > :07:07.after losing both parents, Godfrey's
:07:08. > :07:08.house had burned down. If it wasn't for you helping
:07:09. > :07:23.people like Lorna, I don't know what would happen to such
:07:24. > :07:26.a sweet, smart little boy like that. And there's so many boys like that,
:07:27. > :07:40.he's not by himself. There's so many families
:07:41. > :07:42.who are like this that we've just got to try
:07:43. > :07:45.and help. Give whatever you can give,
:07:46. > :07:47.we would be so grateful and it will help people like Lorna to help
:07:48. > :07:56.little boys like Godfrey. Welcome back to my
:07:57. > :08:12.Hot Tub Half Hour. Thank you for all your donations
:08:13. > :08:15.so far, and if you haven't yet To give ?10, just take out your
:08:16. > :08:24.phone and text YES to 70210. The numbers you need
:08:25. > :08:31.are literally everywhere. On the screen, on the side
:08:32. > :08:35.of the tub, they've even had it printed on the backside
:08:36. > :08:39.of this duck. Yes, someone made the effort
:08:40. > :08:44.to print a phone number on a duck - so maybe you could make the effort
:08:45. > :08:46.to text a donation. And while you do just that,
:08:47. > :08:49.here's the long-awaited reunion of Sally, Fiona and Doon,
:08:50. > :08:53.AKA Smack The Pony. In English, we always use the
:08:54. > :09:22.article. Your husband is still having
:09:23. > :09:43.an affair so you'd say "my husband Ore is it ongoing? I don't know. You
:09:44. > :09:52.could use the present continuous, you could say, my husband is having
:09:53. > :10:02.an affair. My husband is having affair with dentist. With a dentist,
:10:03. > :10:13.that's the article thing again. They making bad on huge, spinny, white
:10:14. > :10:20.chair... There's so much wrong with that, I don't know where start.
:10:21. > :10:25.Let's begin with a verb, if you were English, you would probably use the
:10:26. > :10:31.past symbol. Is your husband still making out with the dentist on the
:10:32. > :10:36.dental chair? No. So... Probably yes. In that case, your verb
:10:37. > :10:42.choice,, yes. , is absolutely bang on! Eureka! Your English is really
:10:43. > :10:48.improving! That's some consolation, isn't it? Do you want another
:10:49. > :10:59.tissue? I think I've got a cheesecake in here... No. I am
:11:00. > :11:42.cheese phobic. Dairy intolerant? No, I'm just afraid of it.
:11:43. > :12:22.Oh! Makes you look... Really fat! Really old.
:12:23. > :12:36.Who are they, are they relevant? This is a shambles! Welcome back to
:12:37. > :12:42.the Hot Tub Half Hour on top of the O2 - for no reason! Please welcome
:12:43. > :12:52.my next guest. It's Tom Daley, the diver. Are you not hot in that suit?
:12:53. > :12:57.Yes, I'm hot in the suit. Why don't you take it off? So
:12:58. > :13:03.that we can compare our bodies? That's a good idea, isn't it, Tom?!
:13:04. > :13:06.Give me a pensioner what are you doing? I'm going to write some
:13:07. > :13:17.questions for you Tom, bit of light-hearted banter. Well, what
:13:18. > :13:22.should I do? Wait. Right... OK... When we go into swimming pools, why
:13:23. > :13:31.do we have to have a shower first? Hygiene, bacteria, that kind of
:13:32. > :13:39.stuff? Is it true that they put blue dye in swimming pools to stop people
:13:40. > :13:48.weeing in it? No. It's a myth. You probably shouldn't wee in the pool
:13:49. > :13:52.anywhere. Onto the serious raising money for Africa. Of people pledge,
:13:53. > :13:59.I presume you're happy to do a charity dive into this coverage into
:14:00. > :14:06.the hot tub?! Yes, into the hot tub. I can't dive into two foot of water.
:14:07. > :14:13.You don't care about charity? Of course I do, but two foot of water,
:14:14. > :14:22.I can't do that! Well, why have we done this?! Anyone?! No. What was
:14:23. > :14:28.that? All right, somebody has texted in to say that if I take my top off,
:14:29. > :14:33.they will give some money to charity. It's not happening, all
:14:34. > :14:43.right? The dive was for a good cause, Tom. Moving on, here is a
:14:44. > :14:45.powerful film about the growing epidemic of heckling. I am not
:14:46. > :14:49.taking my top off! OK, so, Jim, would you
:14:50. > :14:51.like to speak today? My name's Jim and this is actually
:14:52. > :14:55.the first time I've even dared to... Take the tea cosy off
:14:56. > :14:59.your head, you twit. Your village called,
:15:00. > :15:02.their idiot's missing. Gordon, we've spoken
:15:03. > :15:04.about this, haven't we? It's not fair, setting
:15:05. > :15:06.off the rest... I think it all started for me
:15:07. > :15:18.when I was at school, because you get the big kids
:15:19. > :15:20.who bully you and start But then you'd also get the kids
:15:21. > :15:25.who try and defuse the fights And I just think I was always
:15:26. > :15:32.about ten feet away from them, Well, Gordon is one of the worst
:15:33. > :15:38.cases I've ever experienced. I'm not actually sure that we can
:15:39. > :15:40.break through with Gordon. Sorry, mate, is this
:15:41. > :15:47.lady boring you? First out of the traps,
:15:48. > :15:55.cover of Time Out. Keep that in the downstairs lav
:15:56. > :16:02.for when I have a time-out. That's me on the cover of NME,
:16:03. > :16:06.one "heck" of a guy, pre-beard. A couple of spreads
:16:07. > :16:12.from various magazines. Billy Connolly,
:16:13. > :16:22.called him a Big Yin. It was clear that Gordon
:16:23. > :16:31.was a very special case. I come across him
:16:32. > :16:35.early in my work life. ..Contingent in the room that will
:16:36. > :16:38.just applaud me for being able... They're just impressed
:16:39. > :16:42.that I can stand up. This guy said three words that
:16:43. > :16:46.really stuck with me. Thing is, he was right,
:16:47. > :16:53.because in real actual life, But what I've done is, since then,
:16:54. > :17:02.Gordon, before I go on stage, I make a point of always having
:17:03. > :17:07.a good look through a word book. Everyone knows that
:17:08. > :17:25.shouldn't be in here. I started to realise some of my
:17:26. > :17:32.material was getting a bit stale, because this new generation
:17:33. > :17:37.were coming up who'd found a way to heckle in text form
:17:38. > :17:41.underneath YouTube videos, and that was a real
:17:42. > :17:44.wake-up call for me. That was the point when I first
:17:45. > :17:47.started working with writers. Yeah, I do like "I've seen better
:17:48. > :17:51.material in your mum's knickers". But I'm thinking, should it
:17:52. > :17:53.be "Your dad's", so we're feminising the father
:17:54. > :17:57.as well as insulting the act? OK, I think we'll work up some
:17:58. > :18:00.options with different family members and see
:18:01. > :18:03.what feels most natural. If we briefly go back to "You're
:18:04. > :18:08.shit and you know you are", I'll never forget that
:18:09. > :18:17.day, that feeling. Me out there, trying
:18:18. > :18:20.to entertain people, I used to go to the doctor a lot
:18:21. > :18:27.when I was a kid, actually. He sort of looked like the only
:18:28. > :18:37.thing he'd ever cured was pork. Oh, come on, mate, I've seen better
:18:38. > :18:41.material in your dad's knickers! And then I realised, in some vague,
:18:42. > :18:57.slight, metaphorical way, it's a little bit like what I've
:18:58. > :19:02.been doing my entire life, and Gordon has the longest journey to go
:19:03. > :19:12.on, but I said to him on day one, as soon as you've acknowledged that
:19:13. > :19:15.you've got a problem, you're sort But he's made strides since then
:19:16. > :19:24.and we've got a new facilitator who Gordon seems to be responding
:19:25. > :19:31.to quite well. "Is that your best gag",
:19:32. > :19:38.said your mum in the bondage shop? During the ten minutes
:19:39. > :19:40.that your photo was up on Tinder, you got left-swiped so many times
:19:41. > :19:43.that you have whiplash Do you ever look in the mirror
:19:44. > :19:50.and try and left-swipe yourself? You look like your principal
:19:51. > :19:56.features were pinned on by a blindfolded five-year-old
:19:57. > :20:00.at a birthday party. You have a face like a novelty jug
:20:01. > :20:05.that was made in a secure You've made an effort
:20:06. > :20:13.with your hair. It's like putting 26 inch rims
:20:14. > :20:17.on a locking wheelie bin. Joseph Merrick, the Elephant Man,
:20:18. > :20:25.keeps a photograph of Well, you guessed it,
:20:26. > :20:34.that wasn't a real charity at all, it was an amusing
:20:35. > :20:36.sketch about hecklers. Here's a little film about a charity
:20:37. > :20:57.we really do support. We are getting so much better at
:20:58. > :21:01.talking about issues about emotional well-being, and thank goodness
:21:02. > :21:05.because one in four of us will experience a mental health issue.
:21:06. > :21:10.Cass found herself in a position where she needed help and did not
:21:11. > :21:15.know what to do. I felt so depressed and numb to everything. I couldn't
:21:16. > :21:22.do anything. I started self-harming when I was 11 or 12. Difficulties at
:21:23. > :21:28.school, being bullied. I was 13. You had feelings that you didn't want to
:21:29. > :21:32.go on with life that young? I was like, I need help now and if I don't
:21:33. > :21:40.do it now, I don't know what is going to happen. Whish is one of the
:21:41. > :21:44.only face-to-face providers of self-harm support in the UK. We have
:21:45. > :21:48.seen time and again that Pearson port makes the difference for young
:21:49. > :21:55.people going through self-harm. I don't think it is a stretch to say
:21:56. > :21:59.this is a life-saving, life improving service for so many
:22:00. > :22:04.people. Self-harm is often a response to something else that is
:22:05. > :22:09.going on, like a release. It went downhill when my mum and dad split
:22:10. > :22:15.up. I had friendship issues, did not have anyone to talk to. I was 12 or
:22:16. > :22:19.13 when I started self-harming, which became progressively worse
:22:20. > :22:22.throughout the years. The more you do it, the more you become
:22:23. > :22:28.resistant, so you have to do it more to get the feeling you had when you
:22:29. > :22:38.started. If I did not reach out for help, I would be... I have begun to
:22:39. > :22:46.help run the group now, so I have come back weekly. I have done two
:22:47. > :22:51.sessions so far to help run it. That is so amazing. I will be there every
:22:52. > :22:55.week. For how much it helped me, I hope it could help someone else like
:22:56. > :23:03.that. You think without the Centre things would be different? Yes.
:23:04. > :23:06.Really? I don't know if I would even still be here. No young people
:23:07. > :23:11.should have to go through such depression on their own that they
:23:12. > :23:15.get to this stage with self-harming, so the centre is doing the most
:23:16. > :23:20.wonderful, important help in saving young people's lives. I have goose
:23:21. > :23:22.bumps talking about it. If you feel passionate, like me, please donate
:23:23. > :23:39.to might. Thank you so much. I want to tell you about the Queen
:23:40. > :23:42.'s young leaders, set up by the Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee
:23:43. > :23:46.trust and its partners. The programme mentors inspirational
:23:47. > :23:49.young people doing amazing things in communities around the Commonwealth
:23:50. > :23:54.and right here in South Africa, where I grew up. It supports
:23:55. > :23:59.communities across the townships, educating them about their human
:24:00. > :24:05.rights. Chantelle encourages young athletes to keep up education
:24:06. > :24:09.alongside a sports career. This woman heads up an initiative called
:24:10. > :24:14.Africa matters and focuses on empowering women at university. The
:24:15. > :24:18.Queen 's young leaders programme supports projects striving vital
:24:19. > :24:21.change. In Jamaica, the sandals foundation is giving young people
:24:22. > :24:24.who fall out of school a second chance by training them to set up
:24:25. > :24:31.agricultural businesses. In the UK, it supports young people who others
:24:32. > :24:32.have given up on. Across the Commonwealth, these brilliant,
:24:33. > :24:38.dedicated people are transforming lives. Thank you to all of the Queen
:24:39. > :24:40.'s young leaders for everything you do. You are making the world a
:24:41. > :24:49.better place. Happy? Berry. I'm now delighted to announce
:24:50. > :24:51.that the Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust is giving ?2.2 million
:24:52. > :25:01.to Comic Relief this Red Nose Day. That is good. Can I go now? Yes, you
:25:02. > :25:15.can go. MUSIC: God Only Knows
:25:16. > :25:17.by The Beach Boys. Over the years, we've been really
:25:18. > :25:19.taken aback and surprised by how We thought it was going to be
:25:20. > :25:24.a flop to start with. Strangely, there is a kind
:25:25. > :25:25.of atmospheric link between Red Nose Day
:25:26. > :25:28.and its optimism and Love There's a certain amount of
:25:29. > :25:35.pressure, just because Love Actually is a hugely loved film,
:25:36. > :25:38.and we're about to shoot with Liam The first day was always going to be
:25:39. > :25:46.the most emotional one. Liam and Thomas, I don't think, had
:25:47. > :25:49.seen each other since the premiere. So it's been kind of lovely,
:25:50. > :25:52.putting people together again. Thomas and Olivia were little
:25:53. > :25:56.children, and now they're He sent me the script,
:25:57. > :26:02.and I had a big tear in my eye. 'Pretty well doing exactly the same
:26:03. > :26:16.thing that he did before, except that we had this idea that
:26:17. > :26:19.there'd be the longest queue in the history of supermarkets
:26:20. > :26:22.waiting as he took five minutes Rowan is a sort of brilliantly
:26:23. > :26:27.ageless comedian, and he did his normal range'
:26:28. > :26:38.of perfect physical comedy. It's day three, and we
:26:39. > :26:41.are in a radio station, which is actually Radio 1,
:26:42. > :26:43.but this is Radio We're with Bill Nighy
:26:44. > :26:46.and Marcus Brigstocke. Seriously, Red Nose Day, a wonderful
:26:47. > :26:50.charity supporting children... I said to Richard that
:26:51. > :26:52.I'd be happy to do it, and then he explained
:26:53. > :26:55.that it was all for charity, so that was fairly
:26:56. > :26:57.disappointing, but here we are. I had to watch the interview
:26:58. > :27:01.on Radio Watford last night. I'm not famous for watching myself
:27:02. > :27:04.and I'm not very keen on it, As he put on this ridiculous
:27:05. > :27:10.accumulation of jackets and extraordinary iridescent blue
:27:11. > :27:16.shoes, the character I don't think Bill Nighy's very
:27:17. > :27:24.close to Billy Mack, because Bill Nighy is a noble
:27:25. > :27:26.gentleman and Billy Mack is a reckless rogue
:27:27. > :27:28.who you shouldn't trust The press conference was a big day,
:27:29. > :27:36.you know, 80 people. Times for many people have
:27:37. > :27:42.got harder, and people This nightmare with Richard
:27:43. > :27:47.happens every bloody year. Ever since four Weddings
:27:48. > :27:50.And A Funeral, he's asked me to do something, and some years I can
:27:51. > :27:53.fob him off with money and say "I'm Hugh did not enjoy doing
:27:54. > :28:01.the dancing originally. He was saying "This
:28:02. > :28:05.is like the ultimate nightmare". We've asked him to do the one scene
:28:06. > :28:09.that he found most difficult I liked it best when
:28:10. > :28:20.you worked for me. He's quite restrained and hands off,
:28:21. > :28:23.and she couldn't be We felt like an old married couple,
:28:24. > :28:33.which is what we are. One of the strange things
:28:34. > :28:36.about Love Actually is how so many of the cast have gone
:28:37. > :28:39.on to do so well. I think we were Chiwetel's third
:28:40. > :28:42.film, and since then he's been Keira, I remember she said
:28:43. > :28:47.she was going on to do some pirate thing which would probably be
:28:48. > :28:49.a disaster, and that turned out And Andrew's killed a lot
:28:50. > :28:53.of zombies since then, so it was charming to have them
:28:54. > :28:56.all back again. They're raising money
:28:57. > :28:58.for Red Nose Day. Give them a quid and tell
:28:59. > :29:01.them to bugger off. On the original board,
:29:02. > :29:04.if you look at it carefully, there's Kate Moss with very long
:29:05. > :29:06.hair and he said "I hope I'll be married to one
:29:07. > :29:09.of these girls eventually". I told my wife, and even my wife
:29:10. > :29:14.is thrilled that I'm Do you want the leopard
:29:15. > :29:23.and I'll put that on? I hope that we've trod
:29:24. > :29:29.a cunning balance between it being very Red Nose Day,
:29:30. > :29:32.reminding people absolutely that the only reason all these
:29:33. > :29:35.people have done it is in order to raise money, but to some extent
:29:36. > :29:37.satisfy their curiosity and enthusiasm of people who've
:29:38. > :29:41.so sweetly enjoyed The film you're about to see has no
:29:42. > :29:58.words, the images say it all. # When you're sure you've had enough
:29:59. > :30:43.of this life You can help move
:30:44. > :31:40.children like Kumba from places like this,
:31:41. > :31:45.to give them a better life and hope. Welcome back to the
:31:46. > :32:03.Hot Tub Half Hour. Now charity is a very
:32:04. > :32:08.serious, complex matter, and who better to explain it
:32:09. > :32:12.than Philomena Cunk with one In case you are wondering
:32:13. > :32:18.and worrying, Philomena is famous for being the worst journalist
:32:19. > :32:22.in the United Kingdom. into the haves, the have-nots
:32:23. > :32:29.and the don't knows. The haves, like the Prince
:32:30. > :32:32.of Charles and Sting, are wealthy. and whatever the opposite
:32:33. > :32:38.of Sting is, need our help. And we can help, with the help
:32:39. > :32:43.of an invention known as charity. In one of the less boring bits
:32:44. > :32:47.in the Bible, Jesus tells the story of the Good Samaritan,
:32:48. > :32:50.who selflessly helped a stranger in need when others had walked
:32:51. > :32:53.on by, probably while pretending or whatever the equivalent
:32:54. > :32:58.of phones was in Bible times. the most popular face of modern
:32:59. > :33:05.compassion is charity pin-up who devoted her life
:33:06. > :33:10.to helping those in need. Mother Teresa said give,
:33:11. > :33:13.but give until it hurts, which is possibly the sexiest thing
:33:14. > :33:16.a nun's ever said, But even Mother T's achievements
:33:17. > :33:25.pale into insignification compared to those of someone even more
:33:26. > :33:31.saintly, Bobert Geldof. It was 1985 when St Bobert Geldof
:33:32. > :33:36.changed the giving game for ever by organising the biggest charity
:33:37. > :33:40.concert of all time, Livaid. One of the reasons Livaid
:33:41. > :33:42.was successful was that
:33:43. > :33:50.Livaid was easy to say. Before then, almost all charities
:33:51. > :33:53.had hard-to-pronounce names. They were called things like Runib,
:33:54. > :34:05.Ruspuca, Ruspuba and Nuspucca. They were called things like Runib,
:34:06. > :34:07.Ruspuca, Ruspuba and Nuspuccuca. Luckily, it wasn't long
:34:08. > :34:09.until a charity came along with a name that was
:34:10. > :34:11.very easy to say. And it was a huge success
:34:12. > :34:15.from the very beginning. 1988 saw the first ever
:34:16. > :34:18.Red Nose Day, an event in which celebrities appeared on TV
:34:19. > :34:21.with huge smiles and red noses, just like they did in
:34:22. > :34:23.Groucho Club toilets. But while the celebrities give
:34:24. > :34:26.up their time and ask nothing in return in a way that people
:34:27. > :34:29.who actually need to be paid could never do, what's
:34:30. > :34:34.the point of charity? To find out, I sat down
:34:35. > :34:36.with Comic Reliff co-founder First of all, do I call you Richard
:34:37. > :34:44.or do you prefer Dick? If we give starving people a load
:34:45. > :34:48.of money, how do we know
:34:49. > :34:50.they're not just going If you're dealing with something
:34:51. > :34:58.like famine, you're always dealing through an intermediary who will be
:34:59. > :35:01.making sure the right food about people that might have
:35:02. > :35:12.like, peanut allergies? Because some people haven't tried
:35:13. > :35:15.nuts before, have they? whether or not peanut allergies
:35:16. > :35:19.are a sort of first world problem. I don't know, what an
:35:20. > :35:21.interesting thought. Which is better, chugging
:35:22. > :35:27.or writing rom-coms? I think the outcome,
:35:28. > :35:37.the result of chugging, is better, because it actually helps people
:35:38. > :35:40.whose lives are hard, whereas I don't know
:35:41. > :35:42.if rom-coms do that. I think they make people realise
:35:43. > :35:50.that there's lots of posh people... Have you thought about just
:35:51. > :35:57.selling celebrities, I'm sure someone would pay a fortune
:35:58. > :36:07.for John Bishop's kidneys. No, we haven't thought of that,
:36:08. > :36:11.and I think that the comedians do quite a lot for us sometimes
:36:12. > :36:13.that they don't want to do, and I suspect the sale of bodily
:36:14. > :36:18.parts would be slightly more than they or their
:36:19. > :36:20.representatives would... It'd be a talking point,
:36:21. > :36:23.though, wouldn't it? It would be a morbid talking point
:36:24. > :36:27.if John was no longer alive. No, I'm just saying "I killed
:36:28. > :36:33.John Bishop" What's the most disgusting thing
:36:34. > :36:38.you've heard someone do Because my mate Paul,
:36:39. > :36:45.he did this party trick ..intimate skin, and it tore
:36:46. > :36:55.it and it went septic. Actually, I think that might mean
:36:56. > :36:57.he qualifies That is the first and most
:36:58. > :37:05.disgusting thing I've ever heard It's awful to think what people
:37:06. > :37:14.might be doing with them right now. Comic Reliff reminds us
:37:15. > :37:16.that we can't leave charity It's up to all of us
:37:17. > :37:21.to be knobs together. People like you and me,
:37:22. > :37:24.putting our hands in our pockets And if not, maybe donating
:37:25. > :37:27.the actual pocket, I'll be asking,
:37:28. > :37:57.how much are new trousers? Welcome back to Red Nose Day, where
:37:58. > :38:03.I am on top of the O2 in a hot tub, for no understandable reason. The
:38:04. > :38:08.next logical test to have here is of course... Ricky Wilson macro from
:38:09. > :38:13.the Kaiser Chiefs. Ever lived in Africa for any part of the
:38:14. > :38:18.developing world? No. Always had enough food and access to clean
:38:19. > :38:25.drinking water? Alan you seem pretty stressed? I just wanted to
:38:26. > :38:30.contribute, Ricky. But I am in a hot tub with a bizarre collection of
:38:31. > :38:34.guests on top of the O2, and, I don't know, I just wanted to do
:38:35. > :38:41.something big! I did not want to be on top of the O2 in a hot tub,
:38:42. > :38:44.Ricky. It's not too late, you've got me here, I am Ricky Wilson macro
:38:45. > :39:00.from the Kaiser Chiefs. Let's do a heartfelt charity single!
:39:01. > :39:07.# Man in the mirror # If you want to make the world a
:39:08. > :39:15.better place # Change! Ricky, you make it all
:39:16. > :39:17.worthwhile! May be it DOES make sense being on top of the O2 in a
:39:18. > :39:22.hot tub! But it from the hot tub. I think I've died and gone to
:39:23. > :39:26.heaven. Saluti. Chin-chin.