0:00:02 > 0:00:04'Ladyboys!'
0:00:04 > 0:00:07- Just do it, kiss him. - What if I felt something?
0:00:07 > 0:00:08Isn't that what he's after?
0:00:08 > 0:00:10When you were together, you fought
0:00:10 > 0:00:12- like cat and...- Dog, yes, I know.
0:00:12 > 0:00:14- But I miss the...- Pussy, I know.
0:00:14 > 0:00:17Are you not intimidated by my expansive bosom
0:00:17 > 0:00:19- and whorey performance? - I wouldn't shag Robyn.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21I wouldn't put my knob in.
0:00:21 > 0:00:22She doesn't get it throbbin'.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28You felt something, didn't you?
0:00:28 > 0:00:30# All we wanna do is oh!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31# All we wanna do is oh!
0:00:31 > 0:00:33# All we wanna do is uh-oh!
0:00:33 > 0:00:34# Love me, love me!
0:00:34 > 0:00:35# All we wanna do is oh!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37# All we wanna do is oh!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# All we wanna do is uh-oh!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# All we wanna do is... #
0:00:44 > 0:00:46I wish I had a telly in here.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- Hey Ollie.- Ah, Jas!
0:00:51 > 0:00:55I knew you'd be round tonight. So, do you fancy a little sexeroo?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Er, no! I've come to get the rest of my things.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Are you sure you want to take all those?
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Well, you don't wear them, do you?
0:01:05 > 0:01:11Uhh... No. Look, Jas, about earlier.
0:01:11 > 0:01:17- When we kissed, I thought I was in. - "In". How very romantic(!)
0:01:17 > 0:01:19What did you expect me to say?
0:01:19 > 0:01:26- "I thought I was going to get me some pussy". - Why did you do that accent?
0:01:26 > 0:01:30Er, because I can! I can also do Scandinavian.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32I thought I was going to get me some pussy, ya.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Very good, Ollie(!) Listen, it's over, I thought you understood.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39But I know you felt something when we kissed.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41I didn't mean to, my hand slipped!
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Then it slipped a bit more,
0:01:44 > 0:01:48and went round and made that grabby claw thing...
0:01:48 > 0:01:51Emotionally! You felt something emotionally.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55Well, of course I felt something emotional because of our history.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Because of our history, you felt chemistry?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01- I suppose.- Excellent.
0:02:01 > 0:02:04- So now are you ready for some biology?- You're such a knobhead.
0:02:04 > 0:02:10- Just keep away from my Petri dish. - Some physics then? Geography? French?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13Home Economics?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15- Home Economics?!- Yes.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Let me throw together a simple batter, sprinkle it
0:02:17 > 0:02:21- with chocolate drops and rub it across your boobs.- No!
0:02:21 > 0:02:26Then you rub it across my boobs then... Look...
0:02:26 > 0:02:28I've been drinking a lot recently.
0:02:28 > 0:02:33Listen, Ollie, as a couple, we just don't work.
0:02:33 > 0:02:38We're friends, so just drop it now, OK? OK?!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41- OK.- Good!
0:02:46 > 0:02:50Jas, please don't take those. They're Jezza's favourites.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20All right, come on then,
0:03:20 > 0:03:21who are you?
0:03:21 > 0:03:25Right, I don't want a sweetie, I don't want to see your puppies,
0:03:25 > 0:03:27and I don't want to suck your cock!
0:03:27 > 0:03:32What I do want to do is listen to my tunes. Thank you.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46As you know, intake is down for next year.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50- We have to find a way of attracting more students.- Camp fires!
0:03:50 > 0:03:56Camp songs! Camp dances! You know, big camp things.
0:03:57 > 0:04:03- Yes, I do know a big camp thing. - Oh, you must introduce us.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Any more ideas, Wilberforce?
0:04:06 > 0:04:11Let me see. A bear trap? Or a huge net.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16- What about a commercial? - A commercial would be very expensive.
0:04:16 > 0:04:21Much more expensive than a net. Even a big net.
0:04:21 > 0:04:27- Not if we get the students to make it.- Of course! The students.
0:04:27 > 0:04:31Oh, Jane you're so clever. And beautiful.
0:04:31 > 0:04:36I wish I could curl up into your hair...ry minge.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Yes!
0:04:39 > 0:04:42It can be a competition.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45We'll let them use cameras from the film unit, and the prize can be
0:04:45 > 0:04:50£500, and the chance to see their work in the local cinema.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54- That is so brilliant.- I know!
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Let us celebrate my brilliance through the medium of mime.
0:04:58 > 0:05:05- Oh, my God! I'm in a box! - Oh, look! So am I!
0:05:05 > 0:05:10- I'm walking through the wind! - I'm walking down these stairs!
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I'm taking the elevator! Beep!
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Jane! Where are you?!
0:05:20 > 0:05:23£500! Imagine what we could do with that.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26We could get 500 items from the 99p shop.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- With 500 pence left over for penny sweets.- Good, Matt.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33His maths is really improving.
0:05:33 > 0:05:36£500. Split between the six of us, that's...
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- £3.50 each!- It comes and goes.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- No, Matt, it's... - Ssh. Yes, Matt, £3.50 each.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Right, so are we going to enter?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Yeah, I can finally get that new duvet set.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- What's wrong with the old set? - It's rigid with cum.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54How lovely(!)
0:05:54 > 0:05:57Right, so we've got one week to shoot the commercial
0:05:57 > 0:05:59before the screening next Monday.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Now, I think the first thing we need to decide on is an angle.
0:06:02 > 0:06:08- Any suggestions?- Oh, I know! - Yes, Chloe.- 180 degrees. Ha!
0:06:08 > 0:06:11IRONIC COMIC RINGTONE
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Sorry. I got...a text.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Why don't we do something showing off the sports facilities,
0:06:18 > 0:06:22with lots of shots of lovely me riding a bike and roller-skating.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25It's an advert about college, Jas, not tampons.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Tampons.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32# Wooh-ooton College!
0:06:32 > 0:06:34# Wooton College for you! #
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Ah, I think it's obvious what we should do.
0:06:37 > 0:06:42- Oh, yes, and what's that?- Two words. Me and rapping.- That's three words.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43And it's back!
0:06:43 > 0:06:45# Yo yo yo ladies Mr K is in the house
0:06:45 > 0:06:46# Wiki, wiki, wa wa, badap! #
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Oh, God.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49# I'm Mr K, I'm suave and slick
0:06:49 > 0:06:51# I've got a sexy body and a ten-inch dick
0:06:51 > 0:06:53# So if you're a chick who wants a piece of the action
0:06:53 > 0:06:55# There's only one place to get satisfaction
0:06:55 > 0:06:57# Wooton College on the Abingdon Road
0:06:57 > 0:06:59# It's where all the girls come to receive my load
0:06:59 > 0:07:01# The lessons are easy you can answer back
0:07:01 > 0:07:03# And every lunchtime I'll fill your crack
0:07:03 > 0:07:05# Balamory! #
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Moving on.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17- Well, I'm a big believer in honesty's the best policy. - No, you're not.
0:07:17 > 0:07:22That's a total lie. Or need I remind you of your bindiscreet bincident?
0:07:22 > 0:07:26Ooh, what's this? I like to get my teeth into some juicy gossip.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- Is that a euphemism, Robyn Crisp? - What for? - Dirty, dirty lesbian activity.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34You know, Chloe, it's comments like that make me wonder
0:07:34 > 0:07:38if you're a little Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit yourself.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41How dare you?! I would never dream
0:07:41 > 0:07:44of refusing a cream horn in favour of a raspberry slice!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48You were saying, Jas?
0:07:48 > 0:07:50So, basically, I bonked Ollie's driving instructor,
0:07:50 > 0:07:53and now Ollie will not stop going on about it.
0:07:53 > 0:07:58- Who can blame me? I was hurt. - Oh, boo hoo! Ollie was hurt!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01How do you think I felt when you tried to bang our French teacher?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Stop it! I hate it when Mummy and Daddy fight.
0:08:03 > 0:08:05This is all very well,
0:08:05 > 0:08:09but are you two seriously going to be able to work together?
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Of course, we can work together. We're both mature adults.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14What's your plan, Jas in my pants?
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Why don't we do the commercial in the style of a docudrama?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19A day in the life of a student at Wooton College during a
0:08:19 > 0:08:20typical day at Wooton College.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- Snappy title(!)- Actually, I think that's a great idea.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Thank you, Ollie.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29Though mention the word "bincident" again and I will rip your liver out.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31OK, Jas.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- All those in favour say aye. - ALL: Aye.
0:08:34 > 0:08:35Excellent.
0:08:35 > 0:08:38This really will show me off to the best of my bestness.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40Now, I will need somebody to iron my shirts,
0:08:40 > 0:08:43my own dressing room, of course.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45And a bowl of M&M's with all the M's removed.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50- All in favour of it not being about Ollie say, aye.- ALL: Aye.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52- Oi!- Yay!
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Well, who is going to be the star?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Well, there's a simple answer to that.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Who leads the most colourful college life?
0:08:58 > 0:09:00# Wiki, wiki, wa wa, me. #
0:09:07 > 0:09:10All right, peeps. I'm Darren Karrimor and I'm a student at Wooton College.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13I'm here to welcome you to the best college on the planet!
0:09:17 > 0:09:19My average day's divided up in a number of ways.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23A big part of it, of course, is lessons. Maths, geography, art.
0:09:23 > 0:09:27These are just some of the subjects that I've skived off.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32This morning, however, it's English which is always fun.
0:09:32 > 0:09:34I've got rid of two teachers this term
0:09:34 > 0:09:36and today I'm working on a third.
0:09:37 > 0:09:44- All right, Mr No-Cock.- My name is Mr O'Cock.- Yeah, sure, Mr No-Cock.
0:09:44 > 0:09:49- Shut up.- So, are you called Mr No-Cock because you actually have no cock?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Darren. If you make one more suggestion that I've got no cock,
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I won't be responsible for my actions, do you understand?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57All right.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07- Agh!- In a minute he'll probably show us his cock.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10And that's how I get teachers fired.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Most days, I've got to see the principal, Mrs Jane Reed.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Usually it's to get punished, but sometimes it's just for sex.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- All right, Biatch. - Darren, get in here.
0:10:28 > 0:10:33She does like her privacy when we're intimate, so I'm just going to get... all right!
0:10:33 > 0:10:36I hate Marmite.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42As well as lessons a big part of college life is what
0:10:42 > 0:10:47Biatch likes to call other-half activities, music drama and, of course, art.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Sport's also very important
0:10:51 > 0:10:53so twice a week I come down to watch my favourite.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54Girls' volleyball.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11So there we are, peeps.
0:11:11 > 0:11:15Come to Wooton College where anyone can get an education. Even me!
0:11:22 > 0:11:25We should never have let DK star in it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:28- We can't hand that into the principal.- Why not?
0:11:28 > 0:11:31That wasn't an advert. That was a badvert! Ha!
0:11:31 > 0:11:34IRONIC COMIC RINGTONE
0:11:34 > 0:11:35Sorry, love.
0:11:35 > 0:11:39I don't know what you're talking about. I thought I came across really sexy.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41DK, why are you so proud of being...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Sexy? With these buttocks, who wouldn't be?
0:11:44 > 0:11:50- No. A maladjusted psychotic sociopath.- A what?- A twat.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52I find that very harsh.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Oh, and how, pray tell? How is that harsh?
0:11:54 > 0:11:58You're a sad little attention seeker who's wasted everyone's time.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- Really?- I have to agree.- Matt? - I have to agree, too.
0:12:02 > 0:12:04If I don't, Chloe will sand me.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08Right, well, if you all hate me that much, then I'll just leave.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Do you really all find me that much of a waste of time?
0:12:12 > 0:12:14ALL: Yes.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17That's it, then, isn't it?
0:12:17 > 0:12:18I'll be off...
0:12:21 > 0:12:23All on my own.
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- Poor little DK.- Oh, bugger off. - All right, fine, bye.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Do you think he'll be all right?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35- Of course he'll be all right. He's always all right. He's like a cat.- He has nine lives?
0:12:35 > 0:12:40- No. He pisses on everything to mark his territory.- Still, I'm concerned.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Well, don't be, you dirty lesbian. We have work to do.
0:12:44 > 0:12:48Guys, I know you're annoyed, but I think I'd better check on him.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53So, if we can't enter this commercial, we have to make a new commercial.
0:12:53 > 0:12:58- No shit, Sherlock. - Who's Sherlock?- Holmes.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00You mean, he's an estate agent?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Oh, for God's sake. We have to think, what are we going to do?
0:13:03 > 0:13:07I think we've learned that at Wooton College honesty is the WORST policy.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10We need an advert that's aspirational.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Something that's about us, but better.
0:13:12 > 0:13:18- That might be difficult. You can't get much better than me. - Yeah, right Mr Boiled-Ham Head.
0:13:18 > 0:13:23- I do not have a boiled-ham head. - You do, Ollie. And you're weird.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- How am I weird? - Oh, sorry, Ollie, you're not weird.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32You're not weird at all. Oh, what's this that I've found?
0:13:32 > 0:13:38- Could it be a life-size cutout of Jeremy Clarkson?- We're friends, OK?
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Friends...or lovers?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Look, sometimes I get lonely.
0:13:51 > 0:13:55- Anyway, you can talk, you slag! - Look, Ollie, I've you told you.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58It was one driving instructor. One!
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Oh, there's an argument that'll stand up in court.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03I killed one person, your honour. One!
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Listen to you pair. Robyn was right, you can't work together.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09We can work together, you ginger-titted freak!
0:14:11 > 0:14:14- Huh, Matt, did you hear that? - Yes, it was funny.
0:14:14 > 0:14:19- It most certainly was not funny!- Oh, right! Let's just stop this now, OK?
0:14:19 > 0:14:23What a shame you didn't think that when you were shagging Horace behind those bins.
0:14:25 > 0:14:26We obviously can't all work together.
0:14:26 > 0:14:31- So let's just split up into two groups, me and Chlo, Matt and Ollie. - Fine.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35We'll see you boys at the screening. And may the best sex win.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48- DK, are you all right? - I'm OK, specs on legs.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50You mustn't let what them lot said get to you.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54It's not your fault you're an annoying attention-seeking twat.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- Am I?- Your friends were just frustrated, that's all.
0:14:59 > 0:15:02Yeah, but...watching that commercial's made me realise
0:15:02 > 0:15:06that I am different to everyone else. There's nothing wrong with that.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07I'm different to everyone else.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- How? Have you got webbed feet, like a duck?- No.- A feathery arsehole like a duck?
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- No.- A cock, like a duck? With a cock?- No.
0:15:15 > 0:15:18I'm a lovely lady lesbian.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22Oh, well, that's sort of like having a cock, isn't it?
0:15:22 > 0:15:24No, and don't be homophobic.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Is it homophobic me thinking about you doing it with Miley Cyrus?
0:15:28 > 0:15:29I bloody hope not.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- There's that car again.- What car? - That one. The one I'm pointing at.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- Who is he?- Don't know.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40He followed me to college.
0:15:40 > 0:15:44- It's probably just a coincidence. - Yeah. That or he fancies me.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Who can blame him? I mean, I am sexy.
0:15:48 > 0:15:53Listen, DK, people need to be different.
0:15:53 > 0:15:58- It's what makes life so colourful. - Really?- That. And Photoshopping.
0:15:58 > 0:15:59Tell you what,
0:15:59 > 0:16:03I'll show you my candid snaps of Katy Perry later to prove it.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Yeah, maybe you're right, sweetheart.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I just really wanted to win that commercial competition.
0:16:11 > 0:16:16- The money would mean a lot to me. - Then why don't we enter it together?
0:16:16 > 0:16:20- Us?- Yeah. Us - the lesbian and the twat.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- I think Jedward have already cornered that market.- They're both male.
0:16:24 > 0:16:29- Good God, really?!- I think we'd make a great freaky different team.
0:16:29 > 0:16:31- Thanks, love.- Don't mention it.
0:16:31 > 0:16:36It's always a pleasure to give a friend a boost. Here, have a boost
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Ooh, chocolate!
0:16:46 > 0:16:50It's just you and me now, Chlo. The dream team.
0:16:50 > 0:16:57- They'll call us J-Chlo, or C-Jas or...- The Wheeler Youth.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00No. Have you thought of any ideas for this commercial?
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Yes, Jas, I have.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- Great.- I asked myself what would make me go somewhere.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09And the answer is, of course, the threat of extreme violence.
0:17:09 > 0:17:13- All right then. - I've already thought of a tag line.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17"Come to Wooton College or we'll kill your family." What do you think?
0:17:17 > 0:17:20- Definitely not. - But, Jas, my jingle.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23# Our College is fun our college is good
0:17:23 > 0:17:26# Come to Wooton college or get covered in blood! #
0:17:26 > 0:17:28No.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31OK then. How about we round up a load of children...
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Oh, for God's sake, Chlo, no! Why are we friends?
0:17:35 > 0:17:38I don't know. You just keep calling, to be honest, bitch.
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Anyway, what's your idea?
0:17:40 > 0:17:45- A battle with giant axes and dwarves that just come out and...- Shh!
0:17:45 > 0:17:48Sex sells, Chlo. Sex sells.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54All right, mate?
0:17:54 > 0:17:57All our commercial worries are over. I've had a brilliant idea.
0:17:57 > 0:18:02- Is it to wipe after you've finished? - Yes, mate. But also, I like cartoons.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06- In fact, I've been making amateur cartoons since I was a nipper. - How old?
0:18:06 > 0:18:09No, I mean, since I used to bite people.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11So I stayed up all night making this.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Hello, Ollie.- Hello, Matt.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Is that it?
0:18:26 > 0:18:32- Yes. It's finished. What do you think?- You want a straight answer?
0:18:32 > 0:18:33Yes, bearing in mind
0:18:33 > 0:18:37if you say it's rubbish, I'll kill myself with this hammer.
0:18:38 > 0:18:43- Oh, what the hell, I won't say it's rubbish.- Hooray!- I'll say it's shit!
0:18:43 > 0:18:47- Thanks, mate.- Look, I've had a much better idea for our commercial.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Something the girls would never consider.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54If you mean extreme violence, that will be Chloe's first port of call.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59No. Sex sells, Matt. Sex sells.
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- Ooh, I like your room.- Thanks, love.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Yes, I've always enjoyed the smell of...what is that? Barnacles?
0:19:10 > 0:19:15Ah, yeah, that'll be the duvet. I did say it was rigid with cum.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Haven't you heard of Daz?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- Yeah, unfortunately Mum keeps snorting it all.- You could buy the liquitabs.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- We do. That's what's so terrifying about it.- Oh, DK...
0:19:27 > 0:19:30You could have come to mine, only my parents won't let me
0:19:30 > 0:19:31have girls in my room.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36Actually, you're... You're the first girl that's ever been in my room.
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- Oh, we should have sex.- Really?! - No! Lesbian!- All right, how about a kiss then?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44I've never kissed a girl before either.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56That's all for you.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06Sorry, sweetheart.
0:20:07 > 0:20:08Now, we have work to do.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11Do you have any idea what we can do for our commercial?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13# Wiki, wiki, wa wa... # No.
0:20:14 > 0:20:20How about a film noir expose of modern society's attitude
0:20:20 > 0:20:21towards young lesbians?
0:20:21 > 0:20:25- Phwooar!- We could interview some old lesbians for their take on it.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28OK. Nothing turns a bloke off quicker than the phrase "old lesbians".
0:20:28 > 0:20:30What's that got to do with college, anyway?
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Nothing. But I'm not averse to a bit of propaganda.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37I just wish we knew like, a big celebrity. Or a cool director.
0:20:37 > 0:20:42Like Steven Spielberg or M Night Squelchydingledangledong.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I do have a couple of numbers.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47The Crisp family come from a long line of personal trainers
0:20:47 > 0:20:48and drug barons.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53- Mind if I have a ring round? - Knock yourself out, sweetheart. I'll just...
0:20:53 > 0:20:56I'm just going to... I'll just, er...
0:20:58 > 0:21:00I'll leave it. I'll leave it.
0:21:21 > 0:21:25Our next commercial is by Jasmine Brown and Chloe Wheeler.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Let's take a look at that.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Studying.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Sport.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Drama.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48Music.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Toilets.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Lockers.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- Fun.- Fun.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16- Wooton College.- We're sausages.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Did you like it, Miss?
0:22:22 > 0:22:25No, it was weird and dreadful.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- OLLIE LAUGHS - Oh, grow up, Ollie.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Ooh, kitty's got claws.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37- And will you just step out of the closet, Wilberforce?- Ha ha ha!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39I like her.
0:22:39 > 0:22:44Finally, we have Oliver Sinclair and Matthew Cobbett's commercial.
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Let's hope for something a bit less pornographic.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53Tits.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58- Tits.- Big tits.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01Little tits.
0:23:01 > 0:23:07- Everyone loves tits. - Wooton College.- It's the tits.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12- Sex sells!- Sssh.- Yes...
0:23:12 > 0:23:16Clearly, it's going to be very difficult deciding a winner,
0:23:16 > 0:23:19because everyone's commercial was...damn terrible.
0:23:19 > 0:23:24- I'll get the big net. - Wait, Miss.- DK, Robyn?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27If there's still time, this is our commercial.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Well, it can't be worse than "it's the tits".
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Stick it in, Wilberforce.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38- I beg your pardon?- The DVD!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Oh! Cheeky, Wilberforce!
0:23:43 > 0:23:48I think I deserve a spanking for being such a naughty boy.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57PIANO TRACK PLAYS
0:24:14 > 0:24:19I'm speechless. I don't think I'll ever wash these eyes again.
0:24:19 > 0:24:24I feel sad and happy at the same time.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27Like when I'm watching Schindler's List.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31That commercial, it made me feel more alive than ever before.
0:24:31 > 0:24:36That has inspired me to lose weight and move out of my car.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42It was beautiful. All three of my eyes are leaking.
0:24:44 > 0:24:50Darren, Robyn, that was wonderful. Well done, both of you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:57- Thanks, Biatch.- I am delighted to tell you that you are our winners.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Here's £500 to split between you.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04Guys, that was amazing.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08- You deserve the money. You've changed my life.- Me too.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12- Although, how did you get R-Patz in it?- Friend of the family.
0:25:12 > 0:25:14- Angelina Jolie? - Friend of the family.
0:25:14 > 0:25:17- Jodie Foster and Lindsay Lohan? - Don't ask...
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Thanks, peeps. We couldn't have done it without you.
0:25:22 > 0:25:25No, if you lot hadn't started fighting
0:25:25 > 0:25:26then we would never have teamed up.
0:25:26 > 0:25:32And I wouldn't be sat here now with enough money to buy a new duvet set, and some Daz.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36- Chloe... Chloe... - Yes, Matt. What do you want?- Umm...
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Have you got any of those delicious looking sausages left?
0:25:39 > 0:25:44- Only if you apologise.- What for? - Your lack of loyalty.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- I'm sorry.- I'm sorry, too!
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Let us never fight again.
0:25:51 > 0:25:56Now, do you promise to agree with every single thing I say from now on?
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Yes, Chloe.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- Sweet, isn't it?- Yeah.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05Do you think we'll ever forget our past?
0:26:06 > 0:26:11- I've forgotten our past.- Do you think we'll ever truly move on?
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Yeah, I've truly moved on.
0:26:13 > 0:26:17Do you think the ocean of time will ever cleanse our...?
0:26:17 > 0:26:22Oh, for God's sake, Ollie! I love you and I want you,
0:26:22 > 0:26:23but just as a friend!
0:26:23 > 0:26:28Well, I love you and want you just as a friend, too.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34So, Robyn Red Tits.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38- Yes, Darren?- Tell me more about Miley Cyrus and that time you
0:26:38 > 0:26:39scrubbed her down in a bathful of custard.
0:26:39 > 0:26:44- That never happened. - I've got a very vivid imagination.
0:26:46 > 0:26:51Oh, shut up, you silly goose. Right, come on, everyone! The sausages are on me!
0:26:51 > 0:26:55Wow, that's probably the only time I'll ever say that in my life.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05So, Jane. Do you fancy a sausage?
0:27:05 > 0:27:07I can provide the mayonnaise.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- Ummm... What's that?- What?
0:27:12 > 0:27:16The elevator! Beep!
0:27:16 > 0:27:19There's nothing there... Jane?
0:27:19 > 0:27:20Where'd she go?
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Oh, look, there's that sports car again.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31Someone definitely fancies me.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- Oh, my God.- Darren?
0:27:38 > 0:27:39Dad.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42- MOBILE PLAYS TUNE - Bugger my phone!
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Do I look like a geezer who'd take money
0:27:52 > 0:27:53off his own flesh and blood?
0:27:53 > 0:27:55You look like a geezer who'd take flesh and blood
0:27:55 > 0:27:57from his own flesh and blood.
0:27:57 > 0:28:00She's got a Twitter account and it's called "My Idiot BF",
0:28:00 > 0:28:02and I think it's about me.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04I just don't think it's nice.
0:28:04 > 0:28:07Well, I don't think licking another lady's chuff is nice,
0:28:07 > 0:28:09but you still do it, don't you, Robyn Crisp?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10Here you go.
0:28:11 > 0:28:12# All we wanna do is...oh
0:28:12 > 0:28:14# All we wanna do is...oh
0:28:14 > 0:28:16# All we wanna do is...oh
0:28:16 > 0:28:17# All we wanna do is...oh
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- # All we wanna do is...oh - Lovely, lovely
0:28:20 > 0:28:21# All we wanna do is dance
0:28:21 > 0:28:23# All we wanna do is dance
0:28:23 > 0:28:26- # All we wanna do is dance - Dance with me... #
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:34 > 0:28:37E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk