:00:08. > :00:16.Great Britain. There have been protests in towns and cities across
:00:17. > :00:22.Britain. Donald Trump says his ban on foreign nationals... They're all
:00:23. > :00:27.calls for his visit to be called off. As a Scottish Muslim family
:00:28. > :00:35.living here in Britain, even for us it's frightening. NEWSREADER: Labour
:00:36. > :00:38.criticised the Conservative Party. An online petition to the visit has
:00:39. > :00:44.attracted more than 1.5 million names. Won't even get an invite to
:00:45. > :00:57.Buckingham Palace and now Trump is there. The president and by Minister
:00:58. > :01:01.-- Prime Minister. We need mates, we need our guys to back us up because
:01:02. > :01:06.the Europeans aren't going to do it. Where do we go to? China? No. What
:01:07. > :01:11.do you say to the viewers at home who are worried about your views and
:01:12. > :01:16.about you becoming the leader of the free world? This was your choice of
:01:17. > :01:20.question? The most important question she said was at the
:01:21. > :01:27.beginning, do you think that Theresa May has criticised you and did so,
:01:28. > :01:32.what did she say? Leave it there. But it was like, this is my
:01:33. > :01:38.platform, I'll get a job if I put the question right. She put too much
:01:39. > :01:40.into the Western which became longer -- cheaper too much into the
:01:41. > :01:57.question. She wants to be an anchor. Father David takes three sermons
:01:58. > :02:06.every Sunday. You know what I had for supper? Fishcakes. Ooh. Francis
:02:07. > :02:15.is a critic and travels the world. I had black truffle risotto and then
:02:16. > :02:22.roast guinea foul and cheeses. It was an ordinary day-to-day meal. All
:02:23. > :02:27.right, that's interesting. There was an astonishing report in the press
:02:28. > :02:32.this week. Have you seen that? No! You're going to go when you're going
:02:33. > :02:36.to go. Atomic scientists have moved the minute hand of the Doomsday
:02:37. > :02:44.clock forward 30 seconds. Not very nice news, is it? No, it isn't.
:02:45. > :02:50.Silly propaganda. How close they feel the world is to total
:02:51. > :02:54.destruction. I'm going to get the first rocket out of here. The
:02:55. > :03:00.metaphorical clock sits at two Andy Hodd minutes to midnight, suggesting
:03:01. > :03:03.humanities cozy -- humanity is closer to destruction than ever. --
:03:04. > :03:14.two minutes before midnight. What is midnight? The world
:03:15. > :03:19.explodes? Exactly, what is going to happen at that point in time? It
:03:20. > :03:24.isn't an actual clock. What do you mean? It isn't on someone's wall.
:03:25. > :03:34.There must be a clock that they have two update. Does it tick and tock?
:03:35. > :03:43.Do they physically move it? It doesn't take and tock. The
:03:44. > :03:50.scientists move the hands up and back. There is no mechanism. It's
:03:51. > :03:56.the shape of a clock for us to try and understand. How big? I haven't
:03:57. > :04:02.got a clue. The year 2000 was supposed to be the end of the world.
:04:03. > :04:11.Wasn't it, yeah? That was a crank. And nothing happened. Justified in
:04:12. > :04:19.people, that's all. That's right. We are two and a half minutes away from
:04:20. > :04:23.it. We were three. From what? Disaster, it is a Doomsday clock! I
:04:24. > :04:31.thought in Geneva there was a clock with all of these boffins studying
:04:32. > :04:34.headlines from the Guardian and deciding to take off a view more
:04:35. > :04:40.seconds. I'm astonished and disgusted. How do I know there's
:04:41. > :04:51.going to be a disaster to put 30 seconds on the clock? That's why we
:04:52. > :04:57.are butchers, I haven't got a clue. These scientists. You have 30
:04:58. > :05:01.seconds left, how do you come up with that? What is the calculation
:05:02. > :05:08.of it? What's the equation? There must be a formula, Trump, plus
:05:09. > :05:14.Putin, divided by North Korea, divided by South Korea and we are
:05:15. > :05:19.two minutes closer. Yeah, I think you should have squared Putin. What
:05:20. > :05:27.you've done, you've divided him. We'll do it again. Trump, divided by
:05:28. > :05:31.Putin, the square root of China. Shouldn't we throw in Theresa May? I
:05:32. > :05:39.don't think she's relevant. No point having her back in. No. Doomsday's
:05:40. > :05:45.coming, two and a half minutes, go, what are you going to do? Two
:05:46. > :05:52.minutes 20 now, come on! Rob a bank. Why would you do that? I don't know!
:05:53. > :06:02.Don't you want to talk to anyone, call anyone? Make love to anyone?
:06:03. > :06:07.No. I can't make love, can I? I can. In two and a half minutes? Do you
:06:08. > :06:14.think if you phone 123 and it was the Doomsday 123 it would say
:06:15. > :06:19.something like, at the third stroke, packed all your bags and go
:06:20. > :06:25.somewhere high, get some shelter? No, wouldn't want to create panic,
:06:26. > :06:30.it would be very upbeat. So it would let everybody die? Thank you for
:06:31. > :06:34.calling the Doomsday hotline, you are ten seconds away from death,
:06:35. > :06:41.your call is important to us. Please hold. This week, newspaper and
:06:42. > :06:45.online articles revelled in an revealing survey suggesting we are
:06:46. > :06:49.happier when we are in the nude. I like clothes and if God didn't mean
:06:50. > :06:57.us to wear clothes, he wouldn't have allowed them to be invented by Adam
:06:58. > :07:04.and Eve. Fig leaves. The public? Yeah. Don't mind being naked but
:07:05. > :07:15.look at the toenails. That's important. Are you comfortable
:07:16. > :07:25.naked? Not really, no. Not after Christmas. Depends, doesn't it. Give
:07:26. > :07:32.it four is and I'll be all right. -- four months. I think it's a load of
:07:33. > :07:37.rubbish. Any bird naked is a bird naked, so why would you be unhappy?
:07:38. > :07:44.There was that naked beach near Bridlington, you know. Yeah row.
:07:45. > :07:52.I have swum in a Swedish lake and it was the coldest swim I've ever had.
:07:53. > :08:01.Without the benefit of a costume? Indeed, yes. There was nobody there,
:08:02. > :08:08.just me, the lake, the woods. God is always there. Indeed, yes. If
:08:09. > :08:11.everybody did, you'd soon get used to it, seeing other people.
:08:12. > :08:19.Surprisingly to get used to, you know. Yeah. Being naked? Yeah, just
:08:20. > :08:26.imagine a world where there were no clothes. Yeah but how would you are
:08:27. > :08:30.carrying shopping bags? With me, I would miss my pockets, you know what
:08:31. > :08:36.I'm saying, you put everything in your pockets. Don't you agree? Tell
:08:37. > :08:40.you what I do with my phone sometimes, I put it up here because
:08:41. > :08:48.it will stick. If you are a bit more is when you get out of the bath, not
:08:49. > :08:53.mucky, but moist, it will stick to my shoulder. Have you done that
:08:54. > :08:59.before? No, I've never stuck my phone to my moist shoulder. Right,
:09:00. > :09:06.it's time to update the dos and don'ts list. Nail technicians
:09:07. > :09:13.Brandon and Tony run a tight ship. They manicure more than 1000 nails a
:09:14. > :09:19.week. The rules we have, right, they come in, like the other day, one of
:09:20. > :09:23.them getting her nails done, two prams. You've got to go hang on,
:09:24. > :09:29.hang on, you can't all come in here. What do you want me to say to them?
:09:30. > :09:34.Get out? Just points to that. Can't stand prams.
:09:35. > :09:46.This week, newspaper reports had unusual images of two world leaders
:09:47. > :09:51.in the midst of forging a very special relationship. She looks
:09:52. > :09:56.pleased. Yeah. It's been a success. I think we're going to get along
:09:57. > :10:03.very well. Interesting, I am a people person and I think you are
:10:04. > :10:07.all so. He calls her the wrong name. Even world leaders need a hand now
:10:08. > :10:10.and again. The president and by Minister classed as they made their
:10:11. > :10:18.way down the steps -- Prime Minister.
:10:19. > :10:31.She has got Bafta phobia. Never heard of it. Our Prime Minister, hot
:10:32. > :10:38.putting it over to America to meet him in the White House, the Oval
:10:39. > :10:43.room, it is a disgrace. Even the President of Mexico has cancelled
:10:44. > :10:49.his visit to Trump. Theresa May over there, it's nice to become the first
:10:50. > :10:56.person. She congratulated him on his stunning win. Oh, yeah. Well, it was
:10:57. > :11:02.stunning, it's none of the world, didn't it? When she came out with
:11:03. > :11:08.the stunning victories, did you see him? Looked like he'd been given a
:11:09. > :11:15.cream cake, know what I mean? Like he had won the pools. Looks like it
:11:16. > :11:23.went very well. The conference, smashed that. They walked out and I
:11:24. > :11:28.don't know if it was intentional but he grabbed her hand. You don't hold
:11:29. > :11:37.hands, you would study her elbow. But you wouldn't hold her hand. The
:11:38. > :11:43.whole world was watching. And I was watching. I think it looked a bit...
:11:44. > :11:48.When you look at the action, it was more of a wrist lock. I don't think
:11:49. > :11:55.she knew he was going to hold onto her hand. I don't think so. The way
:11:56. > :11:59.he's holding her hand. But then again, have you heard, he is scared
:12:00. > :12:10.of sex. Apparently there is a term for this, if you have a fear of
:12:11. > :12:17.something they will give it a term. The grope slope. Apparently there is
:12:18. > :12:24.a severe incline. Wouldn't touch her. He's not going to touch her
:12:25. > :12:30.legs, is he? You hold her hand, that's it, in case she tumbles. In
:12:31. > :12:37.the White House, right, they kept spelling her name wrong, you know.
:12:38. > :12:42.How do you mean? When Donald called her Teresa, they didn't put the
:12:43. > :12:50.letter H in. They misspelled it quite a few times. Oh, right, I
:12:51. > :12:55.thought it was the American accent. Teresa May is a pawn star in
:12:56. > :12:59.America. Don't ask me how I know. The funny thing is I can't wait for
:13:00. > :13:03.Sean Spicer to come out next week and say that they did not spell her
:13:04. > :13:10.name wrong, that is an alternative fact. Here is the actual sheet that
:13:11. > :13:16.shows how it was doctored. He will Pollap be say that they spoke to
:13:17. > :13:21.Theresa May and on reflection she got it wrong, she shouldn't have
:13:22. > :13:24.been spelling it with the H, she spoke with the president on the
:13:25. > :13:33.telephone so this should be brushed under the carpet. Teresa does not
:13:34. > :13:39.have an H in. We got married in 1990. I had hair at that time. And I
:13:40. > :13:45.was thin and that time. Only a size six. Size eight. This couple had
:13:46. > :13:50.been married for 27 years and they run a busy dry cleaners in Glasgow.
:13:51. > :13:57.Hope we not going to see your mother tonight. I'm quite busy tonight.
:13:58. > :14:06.Show our faces. I think we'll just leave it. I'm waiting for the phone
:14:07. > :14:10.to go. Your mother then. Let it go, I'm not bothered too much, I'll
:14:11. > :14:20.handle the call, it's fine. Are you sure you can handle that? Don't you
:14:21. > :14:23.worry about that. Apparently it is oestrogen. There was an illuminating
:14:24. > :14:27.report in the newspapers this week suggesting that experts now have the
:14:28. > :14:39.proof that women are better at multitasking Paire men. -- than men.
:14:40. > :14:41.A professor once said, why can't a woman be more like a man? We've all
:14:42. > :14:51.ask that. Only women can do it, as I have been
:14:52. > :14:57.told for many years, only women can do it. Yes. You have never
:14:58. > :15:04.multitasked in your life, you think one thing at a time, you have a one
:15:05. > :15:06.track brain. No, I can drive the Rolls-Royce and also think very
:15:07. > :15:12.unpleasant things about the other drivers on the road.
:15:13. > :15:18.Look at me, for example, I am doing five or six things. At the same
:15:19. > :15:21.time. I have a sharp eye watching those girls in here and watching the
:15:22. > :15:27.staff members and the girls at the back. And picking out people's
:15:28. > :15:33.mistakes, you are good at that. My mum always says to me, you either
:15:34. > :15:38.watched the TV or you are on the phone, you cannot do both. I say, I
:15:39. > :15:43.am. No, it is won or the other. Then she goes on the phone and watches
:15:44. > :15:46.the telly and she says, I am watching that.
:15:47. > :15:50.She is a woman and can do both. When women are in Labour, they have to
:15:51. > :15:54.talk to their husbands, nine times out of ten they swear at their
:15:55. > :15:59.husbands, they talk to the nurses and they swear. That is
:16:00. > :16:05.multitasking. It isn't multitasking! Of course it is. And who takes the
:16:06. > :16:10.sweat from your brow? Just don't go that! What other man would get a
:16:11. > :16:18.sanitary towel to mop the woman's brow, only you! You have to get it
:16:19. > :16:28.how all the mop your brow, that was the only thing that was there!
:16:29. > :16:34.48 plus 32. 70. Yes, you still paused, it is bang, bang, bang. No,
:16:35. > :16:42.I am not Carol Vorderman! A woman would have had that built by now.
:16:43. > :16:55.No, she would not. Trump would have me on board. 252 plus 102. 354. Yes!
:16:56. > :17:01.Why would you have done that? If you give me a tenor in change. Of
:17:02. > :17:07.course I can love. One strange story in the papers and
:17:08. > :17:11.online this week reported that US scientists have proven that human
:17:12. > :17:15.cells can be grown within a pig. Do you know what they are doing,
:17:16. > :17:20.they are playing God. Moving one step closer to growing organs for
:17:21. > :17:26.transplant. Good idea, isn't it? The complicated
:17:27. > :17:30.procedure involves injecting human stem cells into pig embryos.
:17:31. > :17:37.Oh, dear, I don't agree with all that. Neither do I.
:17:38. > :17:42.Would you say you were to take the heart of a pig if you needed one? I
:17:43. > :17:47.don't think so. Even if it was life or death? I wouldn't do it. If you
:17:48. > :17:52.needed a transplant, you would not care where it came from, as long as
:17:53. > :17:56.you did not turn into a pig in the fullness of time.
:17:57. > :18:03.You know when you become a donor, your DNA has to match with the
:18:04. > :18:08.person you give it to. Hopefully, if they find one, yes. What happens if
:18:09. > :18:14.they do not find one? That goes to waste. No, they are breeding the
:18:15. > :18:19.pics for it. So you need a heart transplant and I am sure you would
:18:20. > :18:23.be happy to take one from a little pig. It depends what side of the
:18:24. > :18:30.coin you are on. I am not bothered, my mum says I need a trough to eat
:18:31. > :18:37.anyway. Put your dominoes down! If somebody is waiting for the heart
:18:38. > :18:41.of a pig, human heart. Out of a pig's body. Presuming it works and
:18:42. > :18:45.they take that from the pig and put it into the human, what happens to
:18:46. > :18:51.the pig that is left with the human organs inside, what happens to the
:18:52. > :19:01.pig? It is dead! Ken did have this big operation. You
:19:02. > :19:09.could have one from an animal or mechanical. He chose the animal, a
:19:10. > :19:13.valve. It was from a bull. Was it? I didn't know they did that, Sheila.
:19:14. > :19:20.Yes. I would ask. Detail and some basic
:19:21. > :19:24.special figures on the success of these pig's Hearts, who survived,
:19:25. > :19:29.how long and what are the chances? Know what I mean? Let's be honest,
:19:30. > :19:34.you would not say anything because if you need a new major organ, you
:19:35. > :19:40.are not in a good way. When they say, we need to give you a heart
:19:41. > :19:46.from a pig, you do not say, I need to check this. I will have to give
:19:47. > :19:49.some consideration to it. You cannot be that considerate, you have got
:19:50. > :19:57.hours to live! Tell you what, it is about time they
:19:58. > :20:01.made a statue for Princess Diana. This week, Princess Diana was all
:20:02. > :20:05.over the press and online, 20 years after her death.
:20:06. > :20:09.NEWSREADER: Prince William and Prince Harry have announced plans to
:20:10. > :20:14.write a statue of their mother. The main memorial has been a statue
:20:15. > :20:19.in Hyde Park in London. Diana's sister will be on the body
:20:20. > :20:24.commissioning and raising funds for the statue.
:20:25. > :20:27.Would you go to visit it elliptically? You have two to pay
:20:28. > :20:32.your respects. Is a new have to, I haven't been to
:20:33. > :20:35.be other things, the water park, she had done. -- I say that you have
:20:36. > :20:41.two. If they can have one for sale, they
:20:42. > :20:51.can have for her. Absolutely. I hope it will be better than they
:20:52. > :20:57.have got right now. Have you seen that fountain? That is a load of...
:20:58. > :21:02.What an insult. What an insult to such a lovely woman. People go to it
:21:03. > :21:08.and you see them soaking their feet. It doesn't matter, they are soaking
:21:09. > :21:11.their feet and reflecting and thinking of Diana.
:21:12. > :21:17.Michael Jackson had one, that didn't go down well and they moved it to
:21:18. > :21:22.end museum. It looked nothing like him. What if it goes wrong and she
:21:23. > :21:29.looks like instead of Princess Diana, she looks like... Camilla!
:21:30. > :21:32.Yes! That don't represent Diana. It is
:21:33. > :21:38.just a waste of money to me. It is not just to... You can turn up to
:21:39. > :21:41.see this water feature, all the people with their feet, and you
:21:42. > :21:46.think, that reminds me of Lady Diana. You know it looks nothing
:21:47. > :21:52.like her but there has got to be some kind of... This is going to be
:21:53. > :22:00.a tribute to Theresa May one and all the rest of it, please soak your
:22:01. > :22:06.feet. -- lady Di. You were looking at me? Yes, I think
:22:07. > :22:08.it is so wrong. Christina and Winifred, devout
:22:09. > :22:15.Christians who volunteer at the West Indian community centre in Leeds.
:22:16. > :22:21.When I go to keep fit and do my aerobics, they do not play gospel
:22:22. > :22:27.music. I like reggae. Yes, I like reggae music. No, you've gone too
:22:28. > :22:37.far and you know that! No! You need to have a word with your pastor.
:22:38. > :22:42.That is completely wrong! Sheila, that always looks nice. Yes,
:22:43. > :22:47.yes. This week, President Trump signed
:22:48. > :22:52.Executive orders he said would control the flow of order of people
:22:53. > :22:59.coming into America. He said work would begin on building the wall
:23:00. > :23:02.with Mexico first. NEWSREADER: Enrique Pena Nieto said
:23:03. > :23:07.he would not but the bill. You will be able to see the wall if
:23:08. > :23:09.you live in Texas in your back garden.
:23:10. > :23:13.The President of Mexico and myself have agreed to cancel our planned
:23:14. > :23:17.meeting scheduled for next week. Then he declared a ban on people
:23:18. > :23:22.coming from seven predominantly Muslim countries.
:23:23. > :23:26.NEWSREADER: Another sweeping change, a halt on visas for people from
:23:27. > :23:32.seven mainly Muslim countries. Look at that, Trump's plan takes
:23:33. > :23:37.effect. This actually, strangely, is what
:23:38. > :23:42.democracy is about. People say, if you vote for me and I am elected, I
:23:43. > :23:45.will do an and B and C. He has been elected and he is doing that, this
:23:46. > :23:50.is democracy. If you have not been in office for a
:23:51. > :23:54.week and you are making an Executive decision on something so big, you
:23:55. > :23:59.are dangerous. Of course he is dangerous.
:24:00. > :24:11.Ironically, Donald Trump is doing what the Brexit based their campaign
:24:12. > :24:15.on. Controls on borders. He is doing what the Brexiteer is wanted is to
:24:16. > :24:20.happen, tighter controls of the border. At the moment, Britain would
:24:21. > :24:23.not be able to do that. Imagine me getting a wall done and
:24:24. > :24:30.asking you to pay for it. I would not pay a penny. I know, that is
:24:31. > :24:35.what the Mexicans are going to do. One guy says, pay up. He says, no.
:24:36. > :24:40.He says, well, I will do this to you. It is like a stand-off. A
:24:41. > :24:45.Mexican stand-off! Who is going to blink?
:24:46. > :24:56.It is going to be a long ball, let's face it. 1,000 miles. 1,000 mile
:24:57. > :25:00.long, who knows how how it is going to go to stop them going over it.
:25:01. > :25:05.Who are they going to give the job too? That is ridiculous, it will not
:25:06. > :25:11.be bricks, Nick. What is it going to be, it isn't going to be Lego! How
:25:12. > :25:20.many people went to our college to do bricklaying? Hundreds. We are a
:25:21. > :25:22.town of expert bricklayers. We want to keep them bricklayers here
:25:23. > :25:29.because when Sturgeon gets a way, we will have to build our own!
:25:30. > :25:33.You have seen the great Wall? That was done thousands of years ago and
:25:34. > :25:37.it stretches for miles, longer than the one he wants built. Ask them.
:25:38. > :25:42.Say, you have got a great Wall, build a great Wall over here. They
:25:43. > :25:49.might do. The people who built that probably will be dead now.
:25:50. > :25:53.What does he want? I think he just wants Americans. He has banned
:25:54. > :25:57.Syrian refugees coming to the United States of America. He says, you
:25:58. > :26:03.can't come here, sorry. You are not allowed in. Where are they coming
:26:04. > :26:08.from anyway? Syria, where else? They want a wall with Mexican -- Sako,
:26:09. > :26:17.the Canadians want a wall to keep him in! -- Sako.
:26:18. > :26:22.I think he looks so good. Look at them.
:26:23. > :26:27.This week, the papers and internet were awash with joyful images of two
:26:28. > :26:32.proud looking recipients -- recipients of the Queen's honours.
:26:33. > :26:36.It is good they are flying the Northern Flag. Doing it for
:26:37. > :26:42.Newcastle and everyone else. The North East, it is not just about
:26:43. > :26:45.Newcastle. NEWSREADER: the TV duo are heading
:26:46. > :26:48.to Buckingham Palace to receive OBE for servicing the broadcasting and
:26:49. > :27:00.entertainment. I think they deserve it, I will tell
:27:01. > :27:03.you why, they really funny. And you know what I admire about them? They
:27:04. > :27:09.have been together such a long time. Very young. And they are still close
:27:10. > :27:16.and they are funny. They are funny. They must be doing a good job, to
:27:17. > :27:22.get an OBE. They will give them to Tom and Jerry next!
:27:23. > :27:31.You know Ant Dec? It is Ant Dec. Today... First of all, it was Dec.
:27:32. > :27:39.They were that confused. Ant was about to go on stage. Can I stop you
:27:40. > :27:46.this Mac who is Ant and who is Dec? Who got the award? The little one.
:27:47. > :27:52.Did they both get one? No, I mean, who held it? I think it was the
:27:53. > :27:58.little one. Yes, it yes. Next, is it? Ant?
:27:59. > :28:03.What is the order of the British Empire, you have got me wondering,
:28:04. > :28:09.what does it really mean? So you have got order, different
:28:10. > :28:17.orders they sit in. So you have got a member of the British Empire.
:28:18. > :28:23.So I could have said B. Officer of the British Empire, commander and a
:28:24. > :28:28.night. You understand? All of those titles sit within an order. It could
:28:29. > :28:32.be order of the chivalry, different orders. It is confusing. It's
:28:33. > :28:56.boring! What have you been up to?
:28:57. > :28:59.Something grubby? I'm Dame Judi Dench, I'm
:29:00. > :29:03.a national treasure! Why settle for a German Europe when
:29:04. > :29:08.you could have a Scottish world?