:00:09. > :00:17.Great Britain. The Queen has become the first British monarchy to reach
:00:18. > :00:22.her sapphire Jubilee. She's been on the throne for 65 years. First
:00:23. > :00:29.monarchy ever. The longest reigning monarch. The only thing Prince
:00:30. > :00:38.Charles is going to get at this rate is the shortest rain ever. Hackers
:00:39. > :00:49.threatening to leak back's personal e-mail... I expected nothing less.
:00:50. > :00:52.Who in their right mind would blackmail golden balls? Marine Le
:00:53. > :01:01.Pen has laid out her vision for the country if she wins the up coming
:01:02. > :01:05.presidential election. She's started her campaign for the French general
:01:06. > :01:12.election. We've had Brexit here, are we going to get Frexit? Trump
:01:13. > :01:17.continued his criticism of around saying on Twitter the country was
:01:18. > :01:21.playing with fire. He tweeted, what is our country coming to? President
:01:22. > :01:27.Trump has taken to Twitter. He says he doesn't know President Putin, he
:01:28. > :01:33.has no deals in Russia but the "Haters" are going crazy. You can do
:01:34. > :01:37.more damage with words. Just say, we need your fine, we'll give you the
:01:38. > :01:40.nuclear codes but we need Joe Fanning. You can do less damage with
:01:41. > :01:47.the nuclear codes than the mobile phone. He is upsetting everyone. If
:01:48. > :02:06.he ever did launch a nuke, he would just tweaked, just launch nuke. --
:02:07. > :02:14.he would just tweet. This one is ?25. I might do you a discount if
:02:15. > :02:18.you buy more than one. They are market traders. Frank has just
:02:19. > :02:23.returned from a two-week cruise in the Caribbean. The best part of my
:02:24. > :02:30.holiday was the food on the ship. Going down every day to dinner,
:02:31. > :02:34.seeing different menus being served a la carte. The nearest cart I've
:02:35. > :02:40.been to is the one I push up and down this road! You've got to stop
:02:41. > :02:47.shaking! I think last night I had a bit too much to drink! It's been a
:02:48. > :02:51.difficult week for Nigel Farage. There's a picture here of this
:02:52. > :02:59.childish dimwit holding up his silly signs. First he was humiliated in
:03:00. > :03:05.the European Parliament. He doesn't even know there is a sign behind his
:03:06. > :03:09.back. Then the mail on Sunday run a bold exclusive suggesting he was
:03:10. > :03:15.sharing his flat with a foxy French friend, 15 years his junior. Nigel
:03:16. > :03:20.Farage has been sharing his bachelor pad with a glamorous French
:03:21. > :03:25.politician, who is being probed over illegal funding of the party. She's
:03:26. > :03:30.not a bad looking bird as it happens. Grainy paparazzi photos
:03:31. > :03:34.captured them leaving the flat at different times the following
:03:35. > :03:41.morning. He's shacked up with her. I've seen that. I wonder if she's
:03:42. > :03:48.going to remain? She will, went she? ?4 million house. It depends if he
:03:49. > :03:55.is giving her the single market! Did you see that idiot Child MEP in the
:03:56. > :04:02.European Parliament the other day, with his silly sign next Nigel
:04:03. > :04:06.Farage? He rejoices in the title of, what is it, the climate change
:04:07. > :04:12.spokesperson or something for the Labour Party. Absolutely pathetic
:04:13. > :04:19.behaviour. He is a London MEP. It embarrasses us all. When I saw it I
:04:20. > :04:23.thought, it's going to be the French or the Germans, someone who is a bit
:04:24. > :04:28.disgruntled we are leaving the EU. When I realised it was one of our
:04:29. > :04:31.own, I thought it was a disgrace. I'd seen how our people behave in
:04:32. > :04:36.the house of parliament. I've watched one or two debates. The way
:04:37. > :04:42.they carry on, the way they heckle each other, the way they disrupt
:04:43. > :04:46.each other's conversation. I find it disgusting. It looks as if Europe is
:04:47. > :04:51.no better. Nigel Farage will have enjoyed the fact that person did it
:04:52. > :04:56.because that makes in global news. You know what, it plays into his
:04:57. > :05:04.hands. He loves it. Look how ridiculous these people are, these
:05:05. > :05:10.remain. And do you know what, they aren't British. They're not British,
:05:11. > :05:16.no. Can you go? I can't go. He's been shacking up with this other
:05:17. > :05:23.bird. Well, have you seen this other bird? She ain't a bad looking sort,
:05:24. > :05:28.is she. 15 years his junior, right. What a sort. He comes out and he
:05:29. > :05:33.says, I've known her for years. She doesn't trust anyone in London. She
:05:34. > :05:41.asked for a place to stay. It's totally platonic. If he's getting
:05:42. > :05:50.some, surely there's hope for all of us. He's no van Gogh, is he? You
:05:51. > :05:53.know what makes me laugh? He's married to a German woman. He
:05:54. > :05:59.sharing a house with a Frenchwoman, but he wants to leave the EU. How
:06:00. > :06:05.does that make sense? He'll be lending money off a Greek woman
:06:06. > :06:09.soon! This week the daily Mirror ran without revealing exclusive about a
:06:10. > :06:15.shocking plot to extort money from David Beckham. I think
:06:16. > :06:22.cybercriminals have hacked into his e-mails and blackmailing him. And
:06:23. > :06:27.Good Morning Britain made headline news. E-mails were released to the
:06:28. > :06:34.media after an alleged blackmail attempt on his PR team.
:06:35. > :06:39.Cybercriminals said to be using Russian service, it doesn't mean
:06:40. > :06:49.they are Russian. He's used the C word! Really?! Yes. It looks like
:06:50. > :06:53.he's only doing charity work to further his campaign for a
:06:54. > :06:56.knighthood. The firm refused to pay nearly ?1 million to the hackers.
:06:57. > :07:01.That's a lot of money but it's not much to him. You can't pay it
:07:02. > :07:08.because then everyone will come begging. He's gone from one extreme
:07:09. > :07:13.to the other. One minute he's on a pedestal, the other minute we hear
:07:14. > :07:21.he's swearing at the committee who choose who gets what. So he was up,
:07:22. > :07:27.he went down. And then you get another report saying that he was
:07:28. > :07:30.blackmailed. These people know what they are doing. The people who have
:07:31. > :07:35.been hacked or the PR company who represents David Beckham. They know
:07:36. > :07:43.how to manage a crisis. What they'll do, on Friday Belsay actually, did
:07:44. > :07:51.you know the back and is paid ?22,000 a day in tax? -- on Friday
:07:52. > :07:55.they will say. That's like a year 's salary! The next day we hear about
:07:56. > :08:00.him being bribed the ?1 million and he's been calling everyone the C
:08:01. > :08:05.word. What is going to happen next? He'll get knighted. After he's done
:08:06. > :08:09.all that he'll get knighted. They've been playing us, the PR team. I
:08:10. > :08:15.should be Max Clifford. Well, not exactly Max Clifford. He deserves a
:08:16. > :08:22.knighthood! That's what he believes in any way. Blimey. He can't
:08:23. > :08:25.understand why he hasn't got one. He's been on Desert Island discs,
:08:26. > :08:34.I'd have thought that was enough anybody really. All the way, all the
:08:35. > :08:39.way. He looks like a night. He acts like a night. He might not sound
:08:40. > :08:50.like a knight... I can overlook that. Calling them a bunch of Cs is
:08:51. > :08:56.a bit much. He's got an OBE, what more does he want? Don't you think
:08:57. > :09:01.people get hung up about the C word? You can talk to people and they say,
:09:02. > :09:05.I do mind swearing but I don't like the C word. I think it is an
:09:06. > :09:13.underrated word. It does hit the spot. He's probably hot-headed and
:09:14. > :09:18.said something angry. Look at the rest of the public, they get angry
:09:19. > :09:23.and savings. You know? Look at us, when we get angry we say things. We
:09:24. > :09:28.don't really mean it but we say it. And then we regret it. You can't
:09:29. > :09:36.make him look bad, even on a bad day he's going to look great in his
:09:37. > :09:44.Brylcreem, here, stubble... Any haircut he pulls off. That's why he
:09:45. > :09:49.has nothing to worry about. He's got an impeccable jawline. I think the
:09:50. > :09:56.beckons, to give them their due, they are not a talented couple in
:09:57. > :10:00.any way. But they've obviously been quite clever the way they've managed
:10:01. > :10:03.their image and the way they promoted their businesses, because
:10:04. > :10:11.they earn such an enormous amount of money. One must admire that, loss
:10:12. > :10:17.one? I don't know about admire... Well, respect. No admiration, no
:10:18. > :10:29.respect? What comes, envy and hatred? LAUGHTER Guess who I'm going
:10:30. > :10:33.to see? Celine Dion! I'm over the moon! Good friends Jonathan and
:10:34. > :10:36.Johnny have known each other since school. Both work for different
:10:37. > :10:41.branches of a well-known supermarket, and take their weekly
:10:42. > :10:45.games of dominoes very seriously. Do you know what I always wanted to go
:10:46. > :10:51.and see? Tina Turner. I'd love to have gone and seen Tina Turner but I
:10:52. > :11:02.never did. I absolutely adore Tina Turner. I love her. I love Tina.
:11:03. > :11:16.Absolutely. # Rolling on a river #
:11:17. > :11:27.I've seen them using a computer. They're quite clever. This
:11:28. > :11:33.particular one, it could do sums. This week press reports included an
:11:34. > :11:37.extraordinary and curious photo that showed how modern technology is
:11:38. > :11:44.helping in courage breeding of captive apes. NEWSREADER: The zoo
:11:45. > :11:56.keeper will show them different pictures and they will swipe left or
:11:57. > :12:02.right. It's like Tinder the apes. They all look the same! I can't
:12:03. > :12:07.think what they are looking for. Animals mines are different to ours,
:12:08. > :12:13.aren't they? I mean, they can't touch them or smell them... I wonder
:12:14. > :12:20.how they identify each other? Licking each other's eyes. They've
:12:21. > :12:32.got big soppy big eyes. -- looking in each other's eyes. They see
:12:33. > :12:44.something... He goes, I like the red bomb. So they double-click on the
:12:45. > :12:59.red bum. Swipe left is rejection, swipe right is accepted. I've not
:13:00. > :13:02.used Tinder. In our days it was different. You'd meet somebody
:13:03. > :13:07.face-to-face, if you liked them, that was it. There was none of this
:13:08. > :13:13.going around meeting of the girls and other guys. Look at us, look how
:13:14. > :13:19.we met. We met here. We met in the launderette and now we're married!
:13:20. > :13:24.Have you never used Tinder? You hear those stories, when they're not the
:13:25. > :13:35.same person as they are in the picture. Catfish? Yeah. Are you an
:13:36. > :13:38.Tinder? People show pictures and if you want to go out with them you go
:13:39. > :13:44.from left to right, if you don't, you go from right to left. Good
:13:45. > :13:52.heavens! You know a lot about this! There's no romance. Romance is dead.
:13:53. > :13:56.It's gone backwards. It's very primal. It is, I like the look of
:13:57. > :14:01.you and what your body has got going on. I wouldn't mind a slice of that.
:14:02. > :14:03.You know what I mean? Put your electric blanket on, I'll see you in
:14:04. > :14:17.20! That's really, really erotic! You worked with him? Yes, I worked
:14:18. > :14:22.with him, I had just left school, and he was 17. Did you like him
:14:23. > :14:31.straightaway? Yes. Otherwise I would not have gone out with him! . Would
:14:32. > :14:39.you go on, seriously check how many people is on this planet? The only
:14:40. > :14:42.reason is, I'll find a girl that panics, she'll think, I'm not going
:14:43. > :14:48.to find anyone, so I'll just settle for that creep! Drink up and I will
:14:49. > :14:56.get the next one. So I need to look out for a girl that's Anichebe. You
:14:57. > :15:03.mean vulnerable. It's nice and warm anyway. It's quite nice out there,
:15:04. > :15:09.isn't it? Keen keep fit fanatics, all three of them are great
:15:10. > :15:13.grandmothers. I like your scarf. Alice and Sheila both married
:15:14. > :15:23.sailors. Phyllis met her husband at a rubber belt factory in 1952. This
:15:24. > :15:32.is a spongy one. It's lovely. Is it? We'll have that one, then. Do you
:15:33. > :15:38.want a drink? Go on, then. I'll have two, please. Are you all right? The
:15:39. > :15:43.papers were full of reports this week that Donald Trump's
:15:44. > :15:49.controversial travel ban was to be blocked following a ruling by a US
:15:50. > :15:53.district judge in Seattle. He's doing his job, he's holding up the
:15:54. > :15:56.American constitution. The executive order preventing people from seven
:15:57. > :16:02.million Muslim countries travelling to the United States IS
:16:03. > :16:06.unconstitutional. Donald Trump described the ruling as ridiculous
:16:07. > :16:11.and has promised to overturn it. You can't change the law that been there
:16:12. > :16:16.for 230 years! George Washington would turn over in his grave! Just
:16:17. > :16:20.cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something
:16:21. > :16:27.happens, blame him and court system... Someone says, he's willing
:16:28. > :16:39.it to happen, just to say, I told you so. No-trump, and OK Kaikai,
:16:40. > :16:47.best placard I saw was fragile, racist, sexist, Nazi... What do you
:16:48. > :16:51.mean? It's the rhyme off Mary Poppins, isn't it? I know that, but
:16:52. > :16:59.what you mean, what is it about, Trump? Yes. About three weeks ago,
:17:00. > :17:06.that man stood with his hand on the Bible, saying, he's going to uphold
:17:07. > :17:09.and defend the constitution. And now he is challenging that same
:17:10. > :17:14.constitution that he said he would uphold. He thinks, a bit of power in
:17:15. > :17:22.the White House, reality check, isn't it? Definitely. Like a slap in
:17:23. > :17:25.the face. He wants to do what is right for the American people, he
:17:26. > :17:31.does not give anything about the constitution. You have got to do it
:17:32. > :17:37.within the law. I think he's quite strong minded man and I don't think
:17:38. > :17:43.he takes no for an answer. Just in case you get a lunatic in the White
:17:44. > :17:47.House, so you'd have someone who you could control, you know what I mean?
:17:48. > :17:53.They have certainly got a lunatic in him, because he's upset everybody.
:17:54. > :17:58.That's what he's saying, he's not defending the constitution, he stood
:17:59. > :18:08.in front of all those people, the biggest crowd in American history,
:18:09. > :18:14.LOL! And now they're saying, he is not defending it, he's basically
:18:15. > :18:19.doing what he wants with it. It's ironic that that judge won't have a
:18:20. > :18:25.job for much longer. His credibility has gone down the pan very fast.
:18:26. > :18:33.America will follow suit. We'll wait for the next instalment, it's like a
:18:34. > :18:38.soap opera, isn't it? Yes! Yes, nice cup of tea for you. This week, there
:18:39. > :18:46.was a helpful report in the papers and online. They're always talking
:18:47. > :18:53.about sex, aren't they? It proved that for women over 50, the key to a
:18:54. > :18:58.good night with your partner is to sleep more. My Mrs slips for 16
:18:59. > :19:05.hours, so I'm going to be in for a rough time later! Makes me laugh,
:19:06. > :19:10.though, this, because that's everyone's excuse, I'm too tired.
:19:11. > :19:13.All they need now is another study to say actually, people perform
:19:14. > :19:17.better in sex when they've got a headache, and then they've covered
:19:18. > :19:26.all bases, haven't they? Getting up at six in the morning. Even less
:19:27. > :19:33.sleep! Yes, obviously! Men like sex, you know, so do women. But I think
:19:34. > :19:38.men like more than women. Do you reckon? I think men like sex more
:19:39. > :19:47.than women. No, I think it's both compatible. Women are always tired.
:19:48. > :19:51.But women need rest. You can't just jump right in there and do what
:19:52. > :20:00.you've got to do and walk away. You need a bit of rest, a bit of love, a
:20:01. > :20:06.bit of intimate time, not just what men want all the time. Men and women
:20:07. > :20:09.are different. Women will just use this as an excuse because women only
:20:10. > :20:15.want sex when they're drunk, it is like a kebab, you only want want
:20:16. > :20:21.want when you're drunk. Like a social smoker? Yes. I'm hoovering,
:20:22. > :20:31.and cleaning, I even cook, while she's resting. But she still goes,
:20:32. > :20:39.I'm tired. If she was to wake you up over sleep... You're the worst
:20:40. > :20:42.person in the morning to be talking to, you're not a morning person. I
:20:43. > :20:50.don't talk to you in the morning, so how do you know? Exactly, that's why
:20:51. > :20:58.I don't bother myself waking you! Do you think some women need rest, and
:20:59. > :21:03.then...? And then have sex? May be the following day, when they feel
:21:04. > :21:10.like it, but but what happens if they're tired the following day? Do
:21:11. > :21:16.you not think sleep is important to a mature woman of that age? Sleep is
:21:17. > :21:20.important to anybody, mate. Not just for your sex life, for everything,
:21:21. > :21:23.make. But do you think somebody should tell these women that once
:21:24. > :21:35.they die, they sleep for a very long time? Please me a capacity? Morty,
:21:36. > :21:42.for? These two have known each other since the 1970s. They enjoy dining
:21:43. > :21:47.together once a week in London, something they have done for the
:21:48. > :21:55.past 16 years. Occupational hazard, isn't it, tea for the vicar. This
:21:56. > :21:59.week, the papers reported on a survey which found Brits spend the
:22:00. > :22:05.equivalent of 52 days of their life in a queue. Week you to go in a
:22:06. > :22:11.queue. Queues never bothered me. It is the people that cushion that
:22:12. > :22:16.bother me. I reckon in Morrisons, if people get their pension, they will
:22:17. > :22:25.not queue a lot in there. I just go to the Post Office, and then I'm out
:22:26. > :22:29.in two minutes. I don't mind queueing because I'm British and
:22:30. > :22:33.civilised. I don't mind queueing as long as it's not too long. But I
:22:34. > :22:39.hate people who don't queue. Honestly, it's just infuriated. I
:22:40. > :22:44.think English people we like queueing in a sense because we like
:22:45. > :22:53.order and we like dignity. We don't like MLA, and pushing and shoving.
:22:54. > :23:01.No queueing, no frowning, no aggro. And make sure you move along? Do you
:23:02. > :23:06.know what I mean? In an orderly manner. I think we like to queue so
:23:07. > :23:09.much, sometimes we do it without even knowing why we are chewing. You
:23:10. > :23:19.see a queue and everybody just joins it. The people who go to the Post
:23:20. > :23:24.Office, in the queue for 20 minutes, and say, can I have one first-class
:23:25. > :23:28.stamp, please? Instead of buying a book of six, because it would save
:23:29. > :23:33.you having to put yourself through this experience? But I don't need
:23:34. > :23:38.six! You're going to need them again, aren't you, save them till
:23:39. > :23:41.Christmas?! In England, people get really mad if people push into the
:23:42. > :23:46.queue, because it undermines orderliness and fairness. Abroad,
:23:47. > :23:50.they don't mind at all. Abroad, they will push you out of the way, they
:23:51. > :23:59.won't queue! They're terrible for that! They will, they'll push you
:24:00. > :24:09.out of the way! They ain't got it in them. That little bit of class that
:24:10. > :24:15.we have. I look round at ladies, who speak in queues. They'll say, excuse
:24:16. > :24:20.me! Excuse me! And sometimes they'll speak for you, if somebody's pushing
:24:21. > :24:28.in front of you, the lady will say, excuse me, he was here first! I like
:24:29. > :24:30.that, I really like that. Men are awful for queue jumping. They'll
:24:31. > :24:36.say, I didn't know there was a queue! I think we would have had
:24:37. > :24:42.revolutions on the streets if we didn't love queueing. Instead of
:24:43. > :24:46.making barricades, we'd four you. It's the whole basis of English
:24:47. > :24:55.history, the queue. The reason we've only had one revolution. That's
:24:56. > :25:05.lovely, thank you very much. All the best, bye. Married butchers Michael
:25:06. > :25:10.and dawn have been supplying the community for more than 22 years.
:25:11. > :25:11.You're not going to spoil these stakes, are you? Do you know how to
:25:12. > :25:30.cook them?! Brilliant. So what are you having? Short and
:25:31. > :25:36.round, please. Just like my ex. This week, we saw images of a bedraggled
:25:37. > :25:40.looking Johnny Depp. It is terrible. In an illuminating report, it was
:25:41. > :25:47.suggested that the star was on the brink of financial ruin. $30,000 on
:25:48. > :25:54.wine alone each month. Is that red or white? On ITV, they marvelled at
:25:55. > :26:01.his extravagant lifestyle. He spends ?1.6 million each month, he owns 14
:26:02. > :26:08.homes and spent ?2.4 million to shoot Hunter as Thomson's Ashes into
:26:09. > :26:17.space. Whose Ashes were they? There were an author's. Johnny Depp is
:26:18. > :26:23.living beyond his means. Oh, yes. Well, if he will insist on spending
:26:24. > :26:33.?2.5 million flying your dead friend's Ashes, I suppose it's not
:26:34. > :26:40.surprising thank you very, really. Not surprising if he does a thing
:26:41. > :26:44.like that. What's the point? It would be very interesting how much
:26:45. > :26:49.cash was in there. Obviously, just to fire ash... How big was the
:26:50. > :26:57.fella? He must have been about 35 stone! I wonder what was in him, to
:26:58. > :27:04.do a thing like that? He must have had a mad moment! He must have!
:27:05. > :27:15.Blowing him out of a cannon! Yes. To infinity and beyond! Johnny Depp is
:27:16. > :27:19.blessed. He's one of the most talented, finest actors this
:27:20. > :27:27.century, no doubt about it. The man has got a gift. But unfortunately,
:27:28. > :27:33.we go back to simple basics, like my late father taught me, God rest his
:27:34. > :27:40.soul. If you've only got 10p, you can't spend 20. Apparently, that's
:27:41. > :27:43.what he's doing, but it's not 20p, its $30,000 he's spending a month,
:27:44. > :27:51.on wine! He must be having a good time! Must be some great wine. I
:27:52. > :28:04.would not know a good wine from a bad one, would you? I get a bottle
:28:05. > :28:08.of, visit Echo Falls? Yes, I get that one. I think the most expensive
:28:09. > :28:14.wine I bought was ?6. I wouldn't mind having dinner with Johnny Depp,
:28:15. > :28:19.if all his bottles cost $1000, I'd be quite happy to try his wine. But
:28:20. > :28:27.I would insist that if I died at the dinner table, I do not want to be
:28:28. > :28:37.fired out of a cannon at my funeral! Are you a burner, or a burier? I
:28:38. > :28:39.don't really mind, as long as I'm kept together for the resurrection
:28:40. > :28:42.of the body!