Arthur the Hat

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0:00:13 > 0:00:17This, these, this...

0:00:17 > 0:00:19Thank you, Michael.

0:00:19 > 0:00:21Oh, please! It's a joy receiving 15 letters a day addressed to

0:00:21 > 0:00:25Arthur Strong Solutions, Arthur Strong Industries

0:00:25 > 0:00:27and Boogle.

0:00:27 > 0:00:28What's Boogle?

0:00:28 > 0:00:32It's a postal service wherein people send me questions

0:00:32 > 0:00:35and I search for answers among my extensive files.

0:00:35 > 0:00:37I charge a small fee.

0:00:37 > 0:00:38Oh, I see, so it's like Google,

0:00:38 > 0:00:40but very inconvenient and actually costs money.

0:00:40 > 0:00:42That's the idea!

0:00:42 > 0:00:43Why Boogle?

0:00:43 > 0:00:45That's the clever thing. Comes first...

0:00:45 > 0:00:47BOTH: ..in the phone book!

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Oh! I'm always one step ahead, me.

0:00:49 > 0:00:51Here.

0:00:51 > 0:00:55There's no need for that. It's not ideal for me, either.

0:00:55 > 0:00:57I'm the one that's had to have his letterbox sealed up.

0:00:57 > 0:01:00Why'd you have to do that, Arthur?

0:01:00 > 0:01:02It's private, Eggy. I'd rather not discuss it.

0:01:02 > 0:01:04I mean, what is going on here?

0:01:04 > 0:01:08Oh, that's a fruit postal service I set up a subscription to.

0:01:08 > 0:01:13Can you believe this banana made it from the other side of the world in just five weeks?

0:01:13 > 0:01:16So every time you fancy a banana, you just have to wait five weeks

0:01:16 > 0:01:18until it plops through your letterbox.

0:01:18 > 0:01:20Gosh. The modern world!

0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Good, isn't it?- No.

0:01:22 > 0:01:23No, it's not, is it?

0:01:23 > 0:01:25I can't work out how to cancel it.

0:01:25 > 0:01:29Oh, Bulent, my good fellow, how about a cup of tea on the house

0:01:29 > 0:01:31for all my years of dedicated custom?

0:01:31 > 0:01:34This is a business! I run a cafe!

0:01:34 > 0:01:35This is a cafe!

0:01:35 > 0:01:37All right, don't go on about it.

0:01:37 > 0:01:40Dedicated custom! You do nothing for this cafe!

0:01:40 > 0:01:42You use it like an office, you bring your own food,

0:01:42 > 0:01:44you spend as little as possible!

0:01:44 > 0:01:49What the hell? You're having food posted now?

0:01:49 > 0:01:51This can't be better than my prices!

0:01:51 > 0:01:54Oh! Oh! Oh!

0:01:54 > 0:01:57Oh, God, what is this now?

0:01:57 > 0:01:59He's won a set of encyclopaedias.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01It's a jury summons!

0:02:01 > 0:02:03Close enough.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05Oh, my goodness. This is such an honour.

0:02:05 > 0:02:08All right, calm down, Meryl Streep. It's not an Oscar.

0:02:08 > 0:02:09No, but...

0:02:09 > 0:02:13it's a sacred trust. It's one of the cornerstones of our democracy.

0:02:13 > 0:02:15I've always been able to get out of it.

0:02:15 > 0:02:17Last time I was up for it,

0:02:17 > 0:02:21I managed to convince the judge I was some sort of unstable lunatic.

0:02:28 > 0:02:30Come now, Bulent, a single cup of tea!

0:02:30 > 0:02:33Michael will pay you for it when he gets back from wherever he is.

0:02:33 > 0:02:35Birdie, where's Michael gone?

0:02:35 > 0:02:36Jury service!

0:02:36 > 0:02:39God, Arthur, every few minutes you have to be told again.

0:02:39 > 0:02:41After all I've done for this cafe!

0:02:41 > 0:02:42What do you do for this cafe?

0:02:42 > 0:02:46I'm your local colour. I'm why the tourists come in.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50You are a tourist repellent!

0:02:51 > 0:02:54The last time a tourist was in here, you thought he was picking a fight!

0:02:54 > 0:02:55He kept spitting at me.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57He was Dutch.

0:02:58 > 0:03:02Oh, well, yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

0:03:02 > 0:03:04Isn't it, Michael? Where's Michael gone? Birdie?

0:03:04 > 0:03:06Argh!

0:03:06 > 0:03:07Afternoon, all.

0:03:07 > 0:03:09Oh, thank God.

0:03:09 > 0:03:11There he is, Postman Pat.

0:03:11 > 0:03:14Don't start calling me Postman Pat. I'm doing you a favour!

0:03:14 > 0:03:16You still haven't told us, Arthur -

0:03:16 > 0:03:19why did you have to seal up your letterbox?

0:03:19 > 0:03:20Well, Eggy, if you must know,

0:03:20 > 0:03:24I caught a dog watching me through it when I was in my underpants.

0:03:25 > 0:03:27Remember the good old days, Arthur,

0:03:27 > 0:03:29when you could just leave your front door open?

0:03:29 > 0:03:31These days it's just perverted dogs.

0:03:33 > 0:03:36I had me Kevins on. Maybe that was it.

0:03:36 > 0:03:37Your Kevins?

0:03:37 > 0:03:38Kevin Kleins.

0:03:40 > 0:03:43They're underpants which I'm told are quite fashionable.

0:03:45 > 0:03:46You wear Calvin Kleins?

0:03:46 > 0:03:49Kevin, Michael. Kevin Kleins.

0:03:49 > 0:03:52They wouldn't do Calvin Kleins at the market.

0:03:52 > 0:03:55About a week ago I bought three dozen pairs along with

0:03:55 > 0:04:00a Carol Lagerfeld coat and a hat designed by Victor Beckham.

0:04:01 > 0:04:04Sinem? Can I get your opinion?

0:04:04 > 0:04:07Do you think this jumper says, "I respect the law"?

0:04:07 > 0:04:10It actually does.

0:04:10 > 0:04:13Michael, you're doing a good thing, but you need to calm down a bit.

0:04:13 > 0:04:17I'm just excited. You should see the courtroom - it's very intimidating.

0:04:17 > 0:04:20And have you seen a judge up close? They're much bigger than you think.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23No, they just sit high up.

0:04:23 > 0:04:27I think the judge and I have some sort of silent rapport.

0:04:27 > 0:04:31It's like he knows I'd be a good judge if I wanted to be a judge.

0:04:31 > 0:04:33I think you have to be a lawyer first.

0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, yeah.

0:04:35 > 0:04:37Eh! Pay for me. Pay for me tea.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43What's the magic word?

0:04:43 > 0:04:44"Now."

0:04:45 > 0:04:48Er, no. No. I don't think so.

0:04:48 > 0:04:49What?

0:04:49 > 0:04:52No. Sorry, Arthur. I'm not doing it any more.

0:04:54 > 0:04:57How dare you withhold money from Bulent?

0:04:57 > 0:05:00If there's one thing the last couple of days have taught me,

0:05:00 > 0:05:02it's that we're all part of a magical,

0:05:02 > 0:05:06interlocking mechanism that I like to call "society".

0:05:06 > 0:05:09And society only works if we are all pulling our weight.

0:05:09 > 0:05:12Otherwise, you're just like a dog peeping through a letterbox,

0:05:12 > 0:05:14trying to get something for nothing.

0:05:19 > 0:05:23Well. It appears we have reached an impasse.

0:05:25 > 0:05:28QUIET MUTTERING

0:05:34 > 0:05:42QUIET TALKING CONTINUES

0:06:03 > 0:06:07Oh, I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life.

0:06:07 > 0:06:10He's a judge. You're in the jury.

0:06:10 > 0:06:14You're not besties. You're not peers.

0:06:14 > 0:06:15I want to kill myself.

0:06:15 > 0:06:18Oh, please don't. I can't be single again.

0:06:19 > 0:06:26Michael, I loved what you said yesterday about society.

0:06:26 > 0:06:30What a beautiful way of putting it. The mechanism. Yes.

0:06:30 > 0:06:34In contemplating it, I felt very like Professor Brian Cox does

0:06:34 > 0:06:38when he looks at a dinosaur or some salt.

0:06:40 > 0:06:42I'm going to think about the bigger picture,

0:06:42 > 0:06:45because we're all part of something bigger.

0:06:45 > 0:06:48It really, really does make you think.

0:06:50 > 0:06:52So...

0:06:52 > 0:06:55could I have a cup of tea now?

0:06:56 > 0:06:58- Go on, then. - Cup of tea, please, Bulent!

0:06:58 > 0:07:01NOISE LIKE TAPPING ON GLASS

0:07:01 > 0:07:03Oh! That's my phone!

0:07:03 > 0:07:04Hugely annoying.

0:07:04 > 0:07:09Well, I didn't choose it! This is you messing with my settings again!

0:07:09 > 0:07:12People think I'm about to make a speech every time I get a text.

0:07:12 > 0:07:13I didn't mean to do that.

0:07:13 > 0:07:16I was just trying to sort out your sodding ring tone.

0:07:16 > 0:07:20Radiating chimes. You should be ashamed of yourself!

0:07:20 > 0:07:22Just leave my phone alone!

0:07:22 > 0:07:24I can't connect to the internet any more.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Last night I was woken up by a U2 album.

0:07:28 > 0:07:30How did you get my passcode, anyway?

0:07:30 > 0:07:34Guessing 4321 does not make me a criminal masterchef.

0:07:36 > 0:07:40Would it be a bad time to ask for my post?

0:07:42 > 0:07:45TAPPING NOISE

0:07:46 > 0:07:48I am not making a speech!

0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, here, Michael! This is one of yours!

0:07:52 > 0:07:54Oh, no, leave it, Eggy. I'll give it him later on.

0:07:54 > 0:07:57I see you've got your tea privileges reinstated.

0:07:57 > 0:08:00Ah, Michael, he always comes good in the end.

0:08:00 > 0:08:04There's nothing he wouldn't do for me. Ooh, ooh. What was that?

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Oh! Y'all right, Arthur?

0:08:06 > 0:08:10Oooh, I've got a funny warm feeling in my stomach.

0:08:10 > 0:08:13And somehow, it seems to be connected with Michael.

0:08:13 > 0:08:17Oh, I know what that is. That's an emotion called gratitude, Arthur,

0:08:17 > 0:08:20and most humans would have that.

0:08:20 > 0:08:23Oh! Ooh, it's lovely.

0:08:25 > 0:08:28It reminds me of when I was trying to get Michael to get me

0:08:28 > 0:08:32a cup of tea when I was banging on about Brian Cox.

0:08:32 > 0:08:36It's that sort of feeling. I'd call it a Brian Cox rush.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Well, you were making a lot of sense back there,

0:08:40 > 0:08:43even if you were just trying to get a cup of tea out of him.

0:08:43 > 0:08:47Ooh, now I'm getting a sort of horrible opposite feeling.

0:08:47 > 0:08:50Like someone's thrown salt on Brian Cox.

0:08:51 > 0:08:52That's called guilt.

0:08:52 > 0:08:59How do I get rid of the salty Brian Cox feeling and get the dinosaur one back?

0:08:59 > 0:09:02Maybe you could do something nice for Michael.

0:09:02 > 0:09:03I see!

0:09:03 > 0:09:07Um...you could pay him a visit at the courtroom and give him a boost!

0:09:07 > 0:09:09Great idea!

0:09:09 > 0:09:11No, Arthur, he won't want that.

0:09:11 > 0:09:13Oh, come on, Eggy - don't be so selfish.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16What could make him happier than looking up

0:09:16 > 0:09:19and seeing a row of friendly faces?

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Well, now you put it like that...

0:09:22 > 0:09:26Yeah, that's why they have seats, you know, so everyone can go and cheer.

0:09:26 > 0:09:29It'll be like going to the films for free.

0:09:29 > 0:09:31We'd only have to pay for ice creams and drinks.

0:09:31 > 0:09:33I'm in!

0:09:33 > 0:09:34What about you, John - are you coming?

0:09:34 > 0:09:36There might be a juicy case on.

0:09:36 > 0:09:39Like a murder or maybe they've caught a witch.

0:09:40 > 0:09:42I better not, Arthur.

0:09:42 > 0:09:43Why not, John?

0:09:43 > 0:09:46Well, Birdie, in my youth,

0:09:46 > 0:09:49I fell in with a lot of bad apples and I wouldn't want them

0:09:49 > 0:09:53to see me in a courthouse and think that I've turned grass.

0:09:53 > 0:09:56Oh, John, what are the chances of that happening?

0:09:56 > 0:09:58If you're not in a firm and you're sitting

0:09:58 > 0:10:02in a courthouse... It's just not a very good look, Arthur.

0:10:02 > 0:10:04Oh, come on, stop thinking about yourself, John.

0:10:04 > 0:10:07We're all part of something bigger!

0:10:07 > 0:10:10Let's go and make this an unforgettable day for Michael!

0:10:13 > 0:10:14This'll be the one.

0:10:14 > 0:10:17Are you sure this is the right courthouse?

0:10:17 > 0:10:19I am, Birdie. He'll be in this one.

0:10:19 > 0:10:21Oh, look, the circus is in town...

0:10:21 > 0:10:25Oh, this feels good, doesn't it? I feel a warm glow.

0:10:25 > 0:10:28You're doing something nice for someone, Arthur.

0:10:28 > 0:10:29That's the feeling you get!

0:10:29 > 0:10:31Is it?

0:10:36 > 0:10:39Look, there's Michael.

0:10:39 > 0:10:41There you are!

0:10:42 > 0:10:44Good luck, Michael!

0:10:44 > 0:10:46With you all the way, Michael!

0:10:46 > 0:10:49Could I have silence in my courtroom, please?

0:10:49 > 0:10:51Shush!

0:10:52 > 0:10:56Oh, look, it's the accused.

0:10:56 > 0:10:57Boooooo!

0:10:57 > 0:11:00Hang on a minute, Birdie - we don't know if he's guilty or not yet.

0:11:00 > 0:11:02Ah. Yay!

0:11:02 > 0:11:04Good luck, son!

0:11:04 > 0:11:07Right! Right, who said that? Who's making all that noise?

0:11:10 > 0:11:12The gentleman in the, eh, in the raincoat.

0:11:12 > 0:11:14Can I have him removed, please?

0:11:14 > 0:11:17What, me? Why? I haven't done anything!

0:11:20 > 0:11:22DOOR CLOSES

0:11:24 > 0:11:25What are you doing?

0:11:25 > 0:11:28We just wanted to give you a bit of support.

0:11:28 > 0:11:29It's not a football match!

0:11:29 > 0:11:31All right, all right, we're going.

0:11:31 > 0:11:34Oh, here, there was one for you in that pile of post.

0:11:34 > 0:11:36You must have got it mixed up.

0:11:36 > 0:11:38- OK. Give it to me. - I've got it here somewhere.

0:11:38 > 0:11:41'Allo, John!

0:11:42 > 0:11:43Ron?

0:11:43 > 0:11:46What brings you here today? You been a naughty boy?

0:11:46 > 0:11:49Oh, nah, nah, it's just, eh... What's going on with you?

0:11:49 > 0:11:51Well, they brought Big Frank in.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53Big Frank? I didn't know he was out.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55Yeah, they got him for GBH.

0:11:55 > 0:11:57Somehow they got a witness to appear.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59You know, had him behind a screen.

0:11:59 > 0:12:01Did something with his voice so you couldn't recognise him.

0:12:01 > 0:12:04- Oh, yeah?- Yeah. What did you say you were here for again?

0:12:04 > 0:12:06Hello, John.

0:12:06 > 0:12:07Hello, Don.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10- What are you doing here?- Well, that's what I've been asking him.

0:12:10 > 0:12:11Didn't expect to see you here.

0:12:11 > 0:12:12That's what I've been thinking.

0:12:12 > 0:12:14Hope you haven't turned grass. Ha-ha.

0:12:14 > 0:12:17Nah! You know me, boys.

0:12:17 > 0:12:20I'm, eh, working for another outfit now.

0:12:20 > 0:12:22Oh, yeah? Who's running it?

0:12:24 > 0:12:27Arthur The Hat. That's him over there.

0:12:34 > 0:12:39Oh, right. Good to see you, anyway, John.

0:12:39 > 0:12:43Yeah, good to see you, boys!

0:12:45 > 0:12:46See you later!

0:12:48 > 0:12:50You see where he's off to.

0:12:58 > 0:12:59Hello, Stef.

0:12:59 > 0:13:02Can you get me CID? They might want to have a look at this.

0:13:04 > 0:13:06Do you believe him?

0:13:06 > 0:13:09Well, I don't think he's a grass, Mr Duncan...

0:13:09 > 0:13:11though he did join another firm.

0:13:11 > 0:13:13What did he say his name was again?

0:13:13 > 0:13:14Arthur The Hat.

0:13:14 > 0:13:15Arthur The Hat.

0:13:16 > 0:13:18Never heard of him.

0:13:18 > 0:13:20Well, he's some sort of operator.

0:13:21 > 0:13:26Yeah, got a good look at him, oiling up a juror from another trial.

0:13:27 > 0:13:30I'm a little insulted.

0:13:30 > 0:13:37John told me he was going straight and now here you are telling me he's got a new best friend.

0:13:38 > 0:13:42I thought I was his best friend.

0:13:42 > 0:13:46Well, with respect, Mr Duncan, it looks like things have changed.

0:13:46 > 0:13:47Have they now?

0:13:53 > 0:13:54Yes.

0:14:06 > 0:14:09Here you are, mate - you've dropped a tenner.

0:14:13 > 0:14:19Ooooooh! Oooooh!

0:14:30 > 0:14:32Oooh!

0:14:32 > 0:14:37Ooooh!

0:14:37 > 0:14:40Well, I do apologise for that interruption and perhaps

0:14:40 > 0:14:44I should give some explanation about what has just transpired.

0:14:44 > 0:14:50There are three conditions by which a charge like this may be considered successful.

0:14:50 > 0:14:52First condition...

0:14:52 > 0:14:54- ARTHUR'S VOICE:- 'Ring tone. It's under ring tone.

0:14:54 > 0:14:57'You shouldn't be messing with his phone, Arthur.

0:14:57 > 0:14:59'Bloody radiating chimes.

0:14:59 > 0:15:04'But that's not highlighted! "Record your own" is highlighted.

0:15:04 > 0:15:05'Ooh, here comes Michael.

0:15:05 > 0:15:08'I'll take it into the toilet and fix it in there.

0:15:10 > 0:15:13'Now I'm in the toilet, I might as well make the best of it.

0:15:15 > 0:15:18'Oooh, lovely warm seat. Someone must have just left it.

0:15:19 > 0:15:25'Ooh, actually, this feels like it's going to be a painful one.

0:15:25 > 0:15:28'Better hold on to the sides...'

0:15:33 > 0:15:35Here you go, Eggy.

0:15:35 > 0:15:39- What's this?- It's a list of tools I'm hoping to get a lend of.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41I'm removing a tree from her-next-door's garden.

0:15:41 > 0:15:43Ooh, I tell you what, Eggy,

0:15:43 > 0:15:46I can't get enough of being lovely to people.

0:15:46 > 0:15:48I'm getting a massive buzz off of it.

0:15:48 > 0:15:50Oh, use a toothpick, will you?

0:15:50 > 0:15:53Oh. What's this say?

0:15:53 > 0:15:54"Tramps"?

0:15:54 > 0:15:57Tramps? Bin bags! Can't you read?

0:15:57 > 0:15:58"Squadron."

0:15:58 > 0:16:00Handsaw.

0:16:00 > 0:16:01"Pending."

0:16:01 > 0:16:02Shovel!

0:16:02 > 0:16:04It's your writing, Arthur!

0:16:04 > 0:16:06Oh, I'll just tell you - you write it down.

0:16:06 > 0:16:08COUGHING

0:16:08 > 0:16:09You all right?

0:16:10 > 0:16:14Just something's gone down the wrong way. I'll be all right.

0:16:16 > 0:16:17Hm-mm.

0:16:17 > 0:16:19What is it?

0:16:19 > 0:16:22These guys are no good. Look. Like they own the place.

0:16:22 > 0:16:23Can I help you?

0:16:23 > 0:16:26Might as well do some business while we're here.

0:16:26 > 0:16:30Yeah, actually. Oh - hello, darling.

0:16:30 > 0:16:32SHE LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:16:36 > 0:16:37Something's struck her as funny.

0:16:37 > 0:16:39I said, can I help you?

0:16:39 > 0:16:42Yeah, well, we're doing a neighbourhood watch scheme, you know,

0:16:42 > 0:16:45keeping an eye on some of the businesses in the area.

0:16:45 > 0:16:48Thought you might like to contribute a small amount to cover our expenses.

0:16:48 > 0:16:51Right. We'll need an axe...

0:16:51 > 0:16:53Axe...

0:16:53 > 0:16:56Biggest one they've got. One you can really get hold of.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58Yeah, yeah, I've got you.

0:16:58 > 0:16:59Are you sure, mate?

0:16:59 > 0:17:01I mean, it's not much money for peace of mind.

0:17:01 > 0:17:04I think we're OK, "mate".

0:17:04 > 0:17:06A good sharp saw.

0:17:06 > 0:17:08OK. What's that for?

0:17:08 > 0:17:10You can't get rid of it all at once.

0:17:10 > 0:17:14We'll have to saw the limbs off, bring it all out in pieces.

0:17:14 > 0:17:17I like the way you're thinking.

0:17:17 > 0:17:20Oh! Binbags! We don't want to leave any mess.

0:17:20 > 0:17:23Yeah, yeah. I've done this before, Arthur.

0:17:24 > 0:17:25Psst, Ron.

0:17:25 > 0:17:26What?

0:17:32 > 0:17:33You know those guys?

0:17:33 > 0:17:37What guys? Ooh, and I want to get her a little present.

0:17:37 > 0:17:41How about some lovely chrysanthemums?

0:17:41 > 0:17:43Will you have a drink?

0:17:45 > 0:17:47He's the real deal, Mr Duncan.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50Is he now?

0:17:55 > 0:17:56Yes.

0:17:59 > 0:18:03I want to meet him, see what he's made of.

0:18:03 > 0:18:04Bring him over.

0:18:04 > 0:18:06What if he says no?

0:18:07 > 0:18:09Take young Bobby with you.

0:18:09 > 0:18:11But, Mr Duncan,

0:18:11 > 0:18:13this is me new suit. Can I at least go home and change?

0:18:13 > 0:18:15No, leave it on.

0:18:15 > 0:18:18It'll encourage you not to lose the head too much.

0:18:20 > 0:18:23We'll see. Come on, boys.

0:18:30 > 0:18:32There it is.

0:18:32 > 0:18:35Silly boy. Yeah, we've got one.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40Eggy, I've got something for you.

0:18:45 > 0:18:46Do you want this?

0:18:46 > 0:18:49Your fly rod? But that's your favourite, Arthur!

0:18:49 > 0:18:51I know! I can't help myself, Eggy!

0:18:51 > 0:18:53Arthur, you've got to face it,

0:18:53 > 0:18:56you're addicted to feeling like Brian Cox when he looks at things.

0:18:56 > 0:18:59You're right. I'm chasing that Brian Cox feeling.

0:18:59 > 0:19:03Helping old ladies across the street just doesn't do it for me any more.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06Everyone's talking about how you've changed.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08I'm worried about you, Arthur.

0:19:08 > 0:19:10I can handle it, Eggy! I can quit any time I want.

0:19:10 > 0:19:12Anyway, take it! Take the rod!

0:19:12 > 0:19:15Take it! Ooooooh.

0:19:15 > 0:19:18No! I don't want to be a part of this!

0:19:18 > 0:19:21Ooooh! Oooooh!

0:19:21 > 0:19:23Which one? The geezer with the hat?

0:19:23 > 0:19:25Yeah, that's him over there.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27Oi. You Arthur?

0:19:27 > 0:19:32Oh! Look at what you've gone and done!

0:19:32 > 0:19:35Hold still! You're just making it worse!

0:19:35 > 0:19:37Eggy! Get me the disgorger!

0:19:37 > 0:19:40It's gone behind a molar - I can see it!

0:19:40 > 0:19:43- SCREAMS - I'm going to be able to get that out.

0:19:46 > 0:19:47Go, go!

0:19:48 > 0:19:50We just wanted to talk!

0:19:51 > 0:19:54Yeah, that's right - you'd better run!

0:20:09 > 0:20:10Michael Baker?

0:20:10 > 0:20:11Yes?

0:20:11 > 0:20:14I'm arresting you on suspicion of perverting the course of justice.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence

0:20:17 > 0:20:20if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court.

0:20:20 > 0:20:22Anything you do say may be given in evidence.

0:20:22 > 0:20:24What?

0:20:24 > 0:20:25- Sir.- Come on, sir.

0:20:25 > 0:20:28Oh, my God! Is this really happening?

0:20:28 > 0:20:31This is really happening!

0:20:31 > 0:20:32How is this really happening?

0:20:34 > 0:20:35Is this really happening?

0:20:36 > 0:20:39I just... I just wanted to be good!

0:20:43 > 0:20:47No, no, no, no! No! No! No, that's Arthur!

0:20:47 > 0:20:48You know him, do you?

0:20:48 > 0:20:51Yes! He was just giving me my post!

0:20:51 > 0:20:54It was just a bloody pizza menu in the end!

0:20:54 > 0:20:56A pizza menu in an envelope?

0:20:56 > 0:20:58Yes!

0:20:59 > 0:21:00I don't know why they do it!

0:21:00 > 0:21:04You see, Baker, we've been looking into your Mr Strong.

0:21:04 > 0:21:07It seems he's been causing some ripples in the exciting world of organised crime.

0:21:07 > 0:21:10Organised crime? Arthur?

0:21:10 > 0:21:13Arthur couldn't organise anything!

0:21:13 > 0:21:15Well, if that's the case, you won't mind doing us a little favour.

0:21:15 > 0:21:18Well, yes. Yes, yes, of course.

0:21:18 > 0:21:20Just have a little visit with your friend,

0:21:20 > 0:21:23ask him how his week's been, get the gossip.

0:21:24 > 0:21:26A wire!

0:21:26 > 0:21:28You want me to wear a wire and speak to Arthur?

0:21:28 > 0:21:30You're looking at seven years otherwise.

0:21:30 > 0:21:32Seven years what?

0:21:32 > 0:21:34Well, prison.

0:21:36 > 0:21:38I could go to prison!

0:22:02 > 0:22:05Look at him in his Carol Lagerfeld coat.

0:22:18 > 0:22:20I am entering the cafe.

0:22:28 > 0:22:30I am sitting in the cafe.

0:22:36 > 0:22:38Michael, sit!

0:22:40 > 0:22:42Approaching target.

0:22:47 > 0:22:49So, what's been going on?

0:22:49 > 0:22:51Eh?

0:22:51 > 0:22:54Cos, um...I haven't been around a lot, have I?

0:22:54 > 0:22:56So whatever's happening's nothing to do with me.

0:22:56 > 0:22:57Whatever's going on.

0:22:57 > 0:22:59What you on about?

0:22:59 > 0:23:02Why did you come to the court to see me? Remember?

0:23:02 > 0:23:07Oh, that was just to show my appreciation for all you do for me.

0:23:11 > 0:23:12No...

0:23:12 > 0:23:17So much you do. It's just my way of saying thank you.

0:23:17 > 0:23:18Stop it.

0:23:18 > 0:23:22No, no, I won't stop it! This is the new me, Michael.

0:23:22 > 0:23:26I'm nice now! I just want to be nice to everyone!

0:23:26 > 0:23:27He's onto us.

0:23:32 > 0:23:34Shift.

0:23:34 > 0:23:36Sorry, we're in the middle of something.

0:23:36 > 0:23:40I'm going to sit over there now because I want to suddenly.

0:23:42 > 0:23:44You think you're an operator.

0:23:44 > 0:23:49Big man around town, everybody knows your name. Passing out favours.

0:23:49 > 0:23:51Friend of the community.

0:23:51 > 0:23:54Is that Eddie Duncan? That's Eddie Duncan.

0:23:54 > 0:23:57Very clever. I like it.

0:23:57 > 0:23:59Oh, thank you very much.

0:24:01 > 0:24:04But I want you to understand something.

0:24:04 > 0:24:07You are a bug to me.

0:24:07 > 0:24:10I could crush you just by shifting my weight.

0:24:11 > 0:24:14Sorry, who did you say you were again?

0:24:14 > 0:24:16His name's Eddie Duncan! Mr Eddie Duncan!

0:24:16 > 0:24:19Calm down. There's no need for bedlam.

0:24:19 > 0:24:24After all, you've already showed me what you're capable of.

0:24:26 > 0:24:29And we've both too much at stake to start a war.

0:24:29 > 0:24:32Things are going well for me at the moment.

0:24:32 > 0:24:34Money's rolling in. I've even got a judge on the payroll.

0:24:34 > 0:24:36Ah! A judge?

0:24:38 > 0:24:40What's his name?

0:24:42 > 0:24:44Is he all right?

0:24:44 > 0:24:45He's all right.

0:24:47 > 0:24:49Clayton.

0:24:49 > 0:24:50That's my judge!

0:24:50 > 0:24:53Since when? That's our judge!

0:24:55 > 0:24:57I'm going to make you an offer.

0:24:58 > 0:25:00Just a goodwill gesture.

0:25:00 > 0:25:02You'd be wise to accept.

0:25:02 > 0:25:05Oh, I see. You want to give me something?

0:25:05 > 0:25:10Ah-ha! You're like me! You're trying to get that buzz!

0:25:10 > 0:25:11Do what?

0:25:11 > 0:25:15That Brian Cox feeling. I completely understand.

0:25:15 > 0:25:16It's highly addictive, isn't it?

0:25:16 > 0:25:18I don't know what you're talking about.

0:25:18 > 0:25:20Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to interrupt.

0:25:20 > 0:25:22What did you want to give me?

0:25:22 > 0:25:23Territory.

0:25:23 > 0:25:28I'm willing to let you have everything between Lennox Street and Mount Street.

0:25:28 > 0:25:32Everything between Lennox Street and Mount Street? Is that all yours?

0:25:32 > 0:25:34Yeah. And now I'm giving it to you.

0:25:34 > 0:25:37Even the Specsavers?

0:25:38 > 0:25:39Yeah.

0:25:39 > 0:25:40And the travel agent's?

0:25:41 > 0:25:43Yes, all of it.

0:25:43 > 0:25:46I own a Specsavers and a travel agent's?

0:25:46 > 0:25:48Well...

0:25:48 > 0:25:50That's very generous of you!

0:25:50 > 0:25:53Oooooh, ooooh, you must be suffering a massive explosion in your head!

0:25:54 > 0:25:56Take it or leave it.

0:25:56 > 0:26:01I'll take it! And now I'm going to give it all away!

0:26:01 > 0:26:05Don't, Arthur - it's too generous! Your system can't take it!

0:26:07 > 0:26:09I don't care, Eggy! I'm going for it!

0:26:09 > 0:26:11Birdie, do you want a couple of roads?

0:26:11 > 0:26:13I don't know how but somehow I own them.

0:26:13 > 0:26:15They're yours if you want them.

0:26:15 > 0:26:18Oh, um, all right!

0:26:18 > 0:26:22Whoooaaaaaaahhhhhh! Ooh, this is the best one yet!

0:26:22 > 0:26:29Oooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh! Ooooooh!

0:26:37 > 0:26:39We did this.

0:26:39 > 0:26:41We did this!

0:26:41 > 0:26:43We're going to put away a real bad guy!

0:26:43 > 0:26:46I still don't really know what happened there.

0:26:48 > 0:26:51Where's John? I haven't seen him for a few days.

0:26:51 > 0:26:53Good morning, sir. How can I help you?

0:26:53 > 0:26:55One ticket to Uruguay.

0:26:57 > 0:27:00Oh, I suppose you want payment for that?

0:27:00 > 0:27:01It's on the house.

0:27:02 > 0:27:05Any chance of a biscuit?

0:27:11 > 0:27:18And then in the course of this, you learned Judge Clayton was, as they say, in the pocket of Eddie Duncan?

0:27:19 > 0:27:21That's right.

0:27:21 > 0:27:23The same Judge Clayton you see here today?

0:27:23 > 0:27:25Yes. That's him, there.