0:00:22 > 0:00:26- What, here? - Yes, on the...chair.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27The only chair.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29This one?
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Yes, the chair there.
0:00:30 > 0:00:32The only unoccupied chair.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36Do you want me sitting down on it, or do you want me standing up?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Sit down. Sit down on the chair!
0:00:39 > 0:00:42Could you say your name, please?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50Thank you. Could you say your name, please?
0:00:50 > 0:00:52Oh, yes. No problems there.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Go on, then.
0:00:55 > 0:00:56Is that it?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58No! No! Sit down!
0:01:03 > 0:01:04I'm sorry about that again.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Just tell us your name! Just tell us it.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10My name, of course.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Arthur Strong, Count Arthur Strong.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14And the name of your agent?
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Ah, I'm currently between agents.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19There's a funny story there, actually.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22My original agent was Captain Johnny Resnip.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25They called him Captain because when he was in the army...
0:01:25 > 0:01:29leading to the death of all the men under his command.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31My second agent, was Larry Trafalgar,
0:01:31 > 0:01:34- of Larry Trafalgar Associates. - Look, just eat the toffee.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37Eat the toffee and say, "It's delicious".
0:01:59 > 0:02:01MUFFLED: It's delicious.
0:02:04 > 0:02:07Well, that was a bloody waste of time.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Oh, did you not get the ad, Arthur?
0:02:10 > 0:02:11I don't want to talk about it.
0:02:15 > 0:02:18Does it sound like I got the sodding ad, John?!
0:02:18 > 0:02:22- Hey, we got a postcard.- We did? How?
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Who's friends with both of us?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Think about it.- I give up. - Oh, for pity's sake, Arthur!
0:02:27 > 0:02:31He's been gone less than a week and you've forgotten about him already.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33- Who?- Brian.- Brian?!
0:02:33 > 0:02:36Brian? What?! No! Michael! His name's Michael!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39You know what I mean. One of those type of names.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42You can't just say type of name, you have to say the exact name,
0:02:42 > 0:02:45or the whole...
0:02:45 > 0:02:46system breaks down.
0:02:48 > 0:02:50Michael? Which Michael?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54You do this on purpose! Michael! Michael and Sinem!
0:02:54 > 0:02:57Well, there's lots of Michaels around, isn't there?
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Especially these days. There's Michael Parkinson, erm...
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Er... Erm... Er...
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Erm...
0:03:16 > 0:03:20That's him stopped talking now. It's their first holiday together.
0:03:20 > 0:03:24It's a big moment. "Just arrived, it's so hot, ha-ha!
0:03:24 > 0:03:27"Be good while Mum and Dad are away."
0:03:27 > 0:03:28Be good! That's for me.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Sinem thinks this whole place will fall into the sea as soon
0:03:31 > 0:03:33- as she's not around. - I tell you what, Birdie.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35Michael looked like he needed a holiday after
0:03:35 > 0:03:39he agreed to hold my foot steady at the chiropodist.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41You, you, you'd think that she was the big brother
0:03:41 > 0:03:44and I was the little sister! Ha! That's a laughmate!
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Laughmate?! Does he think that's one word?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51That's not one word, Bulent.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Laugh...mate, that's two words.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I know it's two words.
0:03:55 > 0:04:01Oh, yes, Bulent, speaking of, erm... erm, earth...worms.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Have you considered my proposals, which also contains, erm...words?
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I'm not going to move the beans from four onto three.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11It's the right move, Bulent!
0:04:11 > 0:04:15- That's not what three's about! - I think Arthur's got a point.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17More people telling me how to run my cafe.
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- You don't want the menu to go stagnant.- Stagnant?!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22You're homeless!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25Love of cuisine doesn't need a home, Bulent. It just needs...
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- A mouth or something.- Exactly. A mouth or something.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31So, come on, you. Spill the beans. Tell us about the audition.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Well, the interview went very well.
0:04:35 > 0:04:36There was no problems there.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40But then they brought in this little sod that kept grabbing
0:04:40 > 0:04:41all the toffees.
0:04:41 > 0:04:44His mum said, "It's what was written in the script".
0:04:44 > 0:04:47And the director took her side.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I tell you, Birdie,
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I sometimes think I'm getting nowhere with my life.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Nothing works out for me. Even the acting.
0:04:54 > 0:04:57And as you know, of all my talents,
0:04:57 > 0:04:59acting is where I truly blossom!
0:05:01 > 0:05:04I hate to admit to professional envy,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07but when I see how my contemporaries are doing, it really gets me down.
0:05:07 > 0:05:12You know, your Tom Cruises, erm... Your Russell Crowes...
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Erm, your Bennerdip Cumbersnatches.
0:05:15 > 0:05:16Um, Cumbersmacks.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Er... Um, Benzedrine Humbersmacks.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Hendremaine Bunderstyle.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I know who you mean, Arthur.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27No, no, no. I want to get it right. It's annoying me now.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30Um... Er, Benedrict Cummerbund.
0:05:30 > 0:05:32Um... Er... Benedict Tumblebunch.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Um, Humberland Cumberland.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Erm, no, Bendydick Hungergames.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Um, sodding...Sherlock Holmes!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Hey, now that Sinem's away, I thought that we might...
0:05:47 > 0:05:50What? Oh, no, Bulent.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53- What?- We're not getting another game going.- Why not?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57- Last time was a great success. - You take it too seriously, Bulent.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01And anyway, Sinem says you're not allowed to play poker.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Come on, while the cat's away, eh?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Not that I'm a mouse and she's a cat.
0:06:06 > 0:06:09I mean, mice are scared of cats, but I'm not scared of Sinem.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Me, scared of Sinem? Ha! That's a laugh...mate.
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Arthur! Arthur!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Arthur! I got here as quick as I could.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I just spoke to Ronnie Conway.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22He said there's this place on the high street where they're
0:06:22 > 0:06:23giving away free biscuits.
0:06:23 > 0:06:24What?
0:06:26 > 0:06:29I was going down there now to see if he's right.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Free biscuits? Free biscuits, you say?
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Can it be true?
0:06:34 > 0:06:36Ronnie says they asked him a few questions
0:06:36 > 0:06:38and he had loads of biscuits. Didn't have to pay for one!
0:06:38 > 0:06:42They must be fools to give away biscuits!
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- I know.- Ooh! Free biscuits!
0:06:44 > 0:06:46It's like I'm dreaming!
0:06:46 > 0:06:49You're not dreaming, Arthur. You're wide awake.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52They won't be able to stop me if I get going with biscuits.
0:06:52 > 0:06:56I once ate so many pink wafers, I was sick on Father Christmas.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59That's how I lost that job in Selfridges.
0:06:59 > 0:07:04- Come on! Come on!- Wait a minute, wait a minute! Don't be so hasty.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- How many do you think they're giving away?- I don't know.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10Why? What are you thinking?
0:07:10 > 0:07:12Just run with me here a moment.
0:07:12 > 0:07:17What if they were giving thousands away? We could open a little shop.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- A shop?- Yes. A biscuit shop. Why not?
0:07:20 > 0:07:22You can work behind the counter and I could meet
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and greet the customers.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28We could use the profits to buy more biscuits. Oh, what am I saying?
0:07:28 > 0:07:30I've got too overexcited. Oh! Oh!
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Oh, what are we doing?
0:07:34 > 0:07:35We're wasting time!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50So, what brought you in here?
0:07:50 > 0:07:54Well, I've heard very favourable reports from a number of sources.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- Oh! Have you?- I have, Karl.
0:07:57 > 0:08:02So I thought I'd pop along myself and sample your wares, so to speak.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04OK, that's great to hear. Ready to make a start?
0:08:04 > 0:08:07I literally can't wait to get started.
0:08:07 > 0:08:08Good. Well, the first thing...
0:08:08 > 0:08:12Can I just ask - what sort of quantity are we talking about?
0:08:12 > 0:08:13- Quantity?- Yes.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17You see, I'm asking on behalf of a foolish friend of mine,
0:08:17 > 0:08:21who had the ridiculous notion that the quantity might be of shop
0:08:21 > 0:08:22opening proportions.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26We're not talking those sort of numbers, are we?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28- I don't think I fully... - No, of course not.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31Of course not. I'll tell him to not be so stupid.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33What are they today?
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- What are what?- The biscuits.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Is there a biscuit of the day, for example?
0:08:39 > 0:08:41I'm not sure what the biscuits are.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44The tea and biscuits usually follow the personality test.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Personality test?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- Yes, that's why you're here.- Is it?
0:08:49 > 0:08:51Isn't it?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53Oh, yes! The personality test.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Yes, oh, yes. I've got you now.- OK.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58So, shall we begin?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01These won't give me an electric shock if I tell a lie, will they?
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- No, no, no. It's just to give us an E-reading.- Oh, of course.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- An E-reading.- OK. First question.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11- Have you ever told a lie?- No.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Argh!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Ooh! Ooh!
0:09:20 > 0:09:22What...?
0:09:28 > 0:09:29What is it?
0:09:29 > 0:09:32I thought they gave me an electric shock.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35No, I told you. It DOESN'T give you an electric shock.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Can I have a biscuit now?
0:09:39 > 0:09:40No.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45No. OK. Second question.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47Are you a practising homosexual?
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Not to my knowledge.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Have you committed a selfish act? - No. Argh!
0:09:54 > 0:09:58It is not a lie detector. It doesn't give you a shock.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- It just gives an E-reading. - Of course, of course.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03An E-reading.
0:10:03 > 0:10:04OK.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07Do you sometimes make thoughtless and hurtful remarks to friends?
0:10:14 > 0:10:15Yes.
0:10:15 > 0:10:16Uh-huh.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Do other people tend to annoy you?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Yes.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- Do you accept criticism gracefully? - Yes. NO!
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Give them to me.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Look, I am a woman. I have no head.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I live under the sea.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36You see? Not a lie detector.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38No electric shock.
0:10:38 > 0:10:39All right.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43I'm all right now.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47Are you a greedy person?
0:10:47 > 0:10:48No.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57So, essentially, OT-1 follows OT Eligibility.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00EP or End Phenomena results in an awareness of oneself
0:11:00 > 0:11:03in relation to other beings.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Now, OT-1, OT...
0:11:06 > 0:11:09OT-1 is a solo-audited level
0:11:09 > 0:11:12and the beginning of a Clear's
0:11:12 > 0:11:16journey towards OT-8, the highest spiritual level.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21Tell me more.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26- Sounds like you're interested. - I'm very interested, Karl.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30OK. Well, welcome on board.
0:11:30 > 0:11:31Um...
0:11:33 > 0:11:35On an unrelated matter,
0:11:35 > 0:11:37is there anywhere I can be sick?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50HE CHUCKLES
0:11:51 > 0:11:54- You signed up with them? - I did, Eggy.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59They made some very persuasive pink wafers. Um, points.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03But Arthur, they believe in some strange stuff.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06No offence, Eggy, but you think Hitler's still alive.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09I'll see how it goes with them.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13Karl said it would change my life if I became a seismologist.
0:12:13 > 0:12:15Um...
0:12:15 > 0:12:17They're very influential.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20They've got their testicles everywhere.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26But if I don't see results soon, I'm out.
0:12:42 > 0:12:46Ooh, what a... What a terrible hand(!)
0:12:46 > 0:12:49Still, I think I might play, just for the laugh. Raise!
0:12:49 > 0:12:51- Fold.- Fold.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Fold.
0:12:59 > 0:13:00Raise.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Raise.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- All in!- Call!
0:13:04 > 0:13:05- Kings!- Aces!
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Ha-ha!
0:13:06 > 0:13:09What the hell?! How can you have aces when I have kings?!
0:13:09 > 0:13:13What the hell kind of a hand is that? You're having a laughmate!
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Doesn't that sound like one word?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24All right, Matthew. Don't you worry. You just get better.
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- Rufus, I'm really sorry, but no luck.- Oh, you are kidding!
0:13:30 > 0:13:33Albert Thornhill has sciatica, Wilf Crabshaw's had a fall,
0:13:33 > 0:13:35- Bert Marshall has irritable bowel syndrome.- Ben! Ben!
0:13:35 > 0:13:38We are paying for this studio by the minute,
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- so just tell me where we are. - We're off the list.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43There's only one name left. I know you told me to forget him,
0:13:43 > 0:13:46but I don't think we have any choice.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- You are kidding. - It is for the overseas markets.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Maybe once it's dubbed, it won't be so bad.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Ng-ng-ng.
0:14:02 > 0:14:03Don't you ever lose?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06Two pair, good hand.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09Everyone, I'm opening the cafe for business!
0:14:09 > 0:14:11Opening for business?
0:14:11 > 0:14:13I've got to get to work!
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Oh, I had a text from a friend who wants to sit in,
0:14:17 > 0:14:19if there's any spaces tonight.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Yes, that's fine, as long as they have the money.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- We start playing at 6pm sharp. - OK. Bye.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Bye.- Bye.- Ta-ta.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- God, this is going to run for days. - We open in five minutes.
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I'm looking for an Arthur Strong. I heard he sometimes comes here.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Oh, I know him. You were at the audition.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Yes, sorry, but we're really desperate.
0:14:38 > 0:14:41Every other actor on our list has either died or is seriously ill.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You're the only option we have left.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Well, that's very flattering!
0:14:48 > 0:14:50- But you have to come now. - Oh, of course.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Of course. I'd best go.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Here, Eggy, this'll be down to the gynaecologists!
0:14:57 > 0:14:58Lead on!
0:15:04 > 0:15:08- Bulent, are you not going to try and get some sleep?- Sleep?! I'm a man!
0:15:08 > 0:15:09Men don't need to sleep!
0:15:09 > 0:15:11Argh!
0:15:14 > 0:15:15- Where have you been?- Sorry.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19- He insisted on going home to change. - Hello! Hello! Charmed. Charmed.
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Hello, Arthur. Thank you for doing this.- Oh, it's no trouble.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26No trouble at all. I understand how these things work.
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Erm, I presume my new friends, the scientists, put in a word.
0:15:30 > 0:15:34- What?- Oh, and I must say, I'm glad you saw it my way
0:15:34 > 0:15:36and removed our little friend from the equation.
0:15:36 > 0:15:37Quite unprofessional.
0:15:37 > 0:15:41- I've never seen such unbridled arrogance.- Tommy?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44He's five years old. And no, he's still in the ad.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Well, let's work together and see how we can minimise the damage.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Look, the ad hasn't changed, all right?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52So, once again, you are a kindly old grandfather,
0:15:52 > 0:15:54he is your cheeky, mischievous, young grandson.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57All you have to do is reach for a toffee, but he keeps stealing them.
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Mm.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Yes?
0:16:01 > 0:16:05I'm not sure I agree with your interpretation of the text, Rufus.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07- Right.- Move.
0:16:07 > 0:16:11I think people will want to see ME eating the toffees.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13I should at least get one.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15Otherwise, how will people know they're edible?
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- We're not changing the ad. - Just reassure me, Rufus.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20I will get a toffee, if I want one.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23I'm sorry. But that is a deal breaker.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25You'll get a toffee.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30First biscuits, now toffees.
0:16:30 > 0:16:32And all because I've become a urologist!
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- Hello, Tommy. Are you ready to go? - Yes.- All right.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37I've just got to go and check something
0:16:37 > 0:16:38and then we'll get started.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Hello.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Hello.
0:16:51 > 0:16:53Good evening, everybody!
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Deal me in, please, John.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00I'm getting more chips.
0:17:00 > 0:17:02He has a problem.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05- He shouldn't be playing poker. - Oh, we don't play that often.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07He has to get it out of his system somehow.
0:17:07 > 0:17:10Every year, he loses all his money and every year,
0:17:10 > 0:17:12we figure out ways of giving it back to him.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14All that trash talk as well.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Not very graceful in his manners.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20That's why we always make him wait before we give him his money back.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Last year, we had the use of his car for two days!
0:17:23 > 0:17:28- It was a lovely weekend that, wasn't it, Eggy?- Oh, it was.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32OK, you suckers. I've got my mojo back.
0:17:32 > 0:17:33Ha-ha-ha! Lo-o-osers!
0:17:35 > 0:17:37How was your ad, Arthur?
0:17:37 > 0:17:41Eggy, take my word. You have to become a zoologist.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44Been going great for me, ever since I signed up with them.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46MOBILE RINGS
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Hello. Security.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01No, it's very quiet.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03OK. Bye-bye.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- So it went well, then? - Very well, yes.
0:18:08 > 0:18:13Although my co-star continued to be an absolute nightmare!
0:18:19 > 0:18:22We were all sat there waiting and Arthur says...
0:18:22 > 0:18:25- Michael, you are still talking about Arthur.- Am I?
0:18:25 > 0:18:29- No, it's just a funny story. - You're constantly talking about him.
0:18:29 > 0:18:31You make it sound like I've got a mental problem.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You have some sort of problem. And you're not going to be able
0:18:34 > 0:18:36to enjoy this holiday until you admit it.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42ITALIAN TV ON
0:18:45 > 0:18:50ARTHUR DUBBED IN ITALIAN
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Sinem?- Yeah.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59I have a problem.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06You never heard of a pooper scooper?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27CAR HORN
0:19:30 > 0:19:31CAR HORN
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Mate! Mate! Get out of the road!
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Mate, get out of the road! It was a joke!
0:19:36 > 0:19:39Get out of the road! There's cars coming, bruv!
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- Get out of the road! - Please, get out of the road!
0:19:45 > 0:19:47HORN BEEPS
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Mate, get out of the road!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52HORN BEEPS
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Mate! Get out of the road!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58CAR HORN
0:20:04 > 0:20:07'Things have been going great for me,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09'ever since I became a climatologist.'
0:20:09 > 0:20:11APPLAUSE
0:20:12 > 0:20:17When I used to watch Flash Gordon, as a little boy,
0:20:17 > 0:20:20I remember thinking - wouldn't it be amazing
0:20:20 > 0:20:22if all this rubbish was true?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Well, tonight,
0:20:26 > 0:20:31I want to thank you for making one little boy's dream become a reality.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Live long and prosper.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43No, no, it's fine. We've just broken for lunch.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44What?
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Say that again.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48They want more?!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50You're kidding!
0:20:50 > 0:20:53With Arthur?
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Ng-ng-ng.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00Arthur, what are you wearing?
0:21:04 > 0:21:08I have to look the part, now I'm an ambassador for the geologists.
0:21:08 > 0:21:11Well, I sus-pose the Americans have Tom Cruise,
0:21:11 > 0:21:14and the British side of the operation has me.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Yes. You never know, we might do a film together.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21Where he's a secret agent and I'm a streetwise hacker.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Well, be careful, Arthur.
0:21:25 > 0:21:31It's not like you to be so...whatever you are at the moment.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Damn it! I couldn't get any more money out.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37- I reached my limit.- Just call, Bulent. You have enough.- No!
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I want to raise. My hand is good enough.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40But you don't have any money.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- Just call me.- No, I tell you, my hand is gold! I want to raise!
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- But you don't have any money. - I bet something! Anything!
0:21:47 > 0:21:49What? What are you going to bet?
0:21:52 > 0:21:54'Tea, please, Arthur.'
0:21:55 > 0:21:58Oh, this is even better than a biscuit shop, eh?
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Fried food on tap.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03And they want me to do another toffee ad.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05There you are.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08£1.90, please, Eggy.
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Thanking you.
0:22:13 > 0:22:14Bulent, table five needs a wipe.
0:22:17 > 0:22:21Come on, get a shift on. I've got a business to run.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Oh, actually, while you're here, um,
0:22:24 > 0:22:27I'd like a quick word about the revised menu.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Now, listen carefully, Bulent.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37The beans you would normally have on four, I would like to put on three.
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Obviously, the follow on from that would mean that the
0:22:41 > 0:22:43fried bread has to go on five.
0:22:43 > 0:22:47Which would mean we have to create a new number for all
0:22:47 > 0:22:49the knocked-on ingredients.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53This number, I would like to call six.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59Which I'm sure would also prove to be a popular seller.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01So, action that, would you?
0:23:01 > 0:23:05Because I want to go and have a lovely little lie down.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Traditional London welcome.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13You all right?
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Yes, just wondering what kind of a mess I'm coming back to.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Hey!
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Oh, wow!
0:23:25 > 0:23:26The place looks great.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Hello, Michael. How was it?
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Oh, it was really, really good.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Yeah, properly forgot about everything. Proper holiday.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Thanks to that woman there.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38Who, me?
0:23:39 > 0:23:41No.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- So? How was it? - Good, good. Very good.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51There's just one thing.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54HE YAWNS
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Have you peeled those potatoes, Bulent?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Arthur owns the cafe.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Sinem, you're back!
0:24:00 > 0:24:03What's happening?
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Can everyone else see what I can see?
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Welcome back, Michael!
0:24:08 > 0:24:11Can anyone else see what Arthur looks like?
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Oh, it's been quite a week for me!
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Everything's been going great.
0:24:17 > 0:24:21- I've been getting acting jobs, I can't lose at poker.- Poker?!
0:24:21 > 0:24:22Don't shout at me!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25- And now, I own the cafe!- What?
0:24:25 > 0:24:29Yep. And it's all because of mythology.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31Um, erm...pathology.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33Sociology.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35- What is it I'm in again? ALL:- Scientology.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Oh, that's right.
0:24:37 > 0:24:41You're a scientologist?! I've been away for a week!
0:24:41 > 0:24:44Arthur, don't you know about scientology?
0:24:44 > 0:24:47Haven't you heard what they're about? All the documentaries?
0:24:47 > 0:24:49I don't need documentaries.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53All I know is all the world thought I was useless up until now, eh?
0:24:53 > 0:24:56Since I joined the seismologists, well, I think
0:24:56 > 0:24:59the results speak for themselves.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Don't worry, I'll try to remain down to earth.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04You're wearing a giant medal!
0:25:05 > 0:25:07They've got you wearing a polo neck.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09You look like you're about to announce the new iPhone.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I put this together myself.
0:25:13 > 0:25:16Yeah, it's what you're sus-posed to wear.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20Anywhere, must run along. Got a little acting job waiting for me.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Oh, Arthur, don't fall in with that lot. Please!
0:25:26 > 0:25:30Rufus, how marvellous to be working with you again!
0:25:30 > 0:25:32- Have you lost weight?- Hello, Arthur.
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Get you in the chair, we'll go for a rehearsal.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Actually, I thought I might try something different today.
0:25:38 > 0:25:41- Display my versatility.- No. No, Arthur, no.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44No, for some reasons, the Italians thought the first ad was hilarious.
0:25:44 > 0:25:49So luckily for you, we won't need an actor. Just need you to be yourself.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52A cranky, greedy, old man.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10No.
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Thanks though, Tommy.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14I pocketed about 20 on the way to the set.
0:26:21 > 0:26:22You all right?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25You seem to have lost that...urologist's glow.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33I don't know what I was thinking, Michael.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35I've just made a fool of myself.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Wasn't scientology that gave me all this.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41It was just a streak of luck I was on.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- I'll tell you what it was...- Arthur?
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- Yeah?- Give Bulent his cafe back.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Oh, OK.
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Thank you.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59I'll tell you what, it was greed that brought me to this sorry state.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03Greed for biscuits, greed for money, greed for toffees.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Beware greed, Michael. For greed never rests until it is satisfied.
0:27:07 > 0:27:10And greed is never satisfied.
0:27:10 > 0:27:12It is the... Hang on.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Hey, this is chocolate!
0:27:28 > 0:27:30MUFFLED: Oh, sorry. Did you want some?
0:27:33 > 0:27:35It's fine. I'm getting something to eat.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39- What can I get you?- Oh, that's new.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I'll have a number six, please, Bulent.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45I told you it'd do well.