0:00:19 > 0:00:20HE SIGHS
0:00:24 > 0:00:26DIALLING
0:00:26 > 0:00:30RINGING
0:00:30 > 0:00:32Hello.
0:00:32 > 0:00:34I believe you were recently involved in an accident
0:00:34 > 0:00:36that was not your fault.
0:00:36 > 0:00:39Thank goodness you've called!
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Oh, you were?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Just now! How...? How did you know?
0:00:45 > 0:00:47Can you tell me how it happened?
0:00:47 > 0:00:50I'm not 100% certain myself.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53I'm lucky to be talking to you now, to be honest.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56It was touch and go there for a while!
0:00:56 > 0:01:02- Would you be interested in pursuing compensation?- Compensation?! Really?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Yeah, you could be entitled to compensation. Did you know that?
0:01:05 > 0:01:08- I have to say... What's your name?- Roger.
0:01:08 > 0:01:12I have to say, Roger, you're terribly efficient.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15Compensation hadn't even crossed my mind, at this stage.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm only now getting my breath back.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Where did it happen?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Um... Up there.
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- Where?- There. Up there.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31In your home?
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Yes, in my home. Can't you see me?
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- No, I can't see you.- But when I fell into the toilet, you saw that bit?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43No.
0:01:43 > 0:01:47What? You just heard the splash and put two and two together?!
0:01:47 > 0:01:48No!
0:01:48 > 0:01:53So, you just called on the off chance that I'd fallen
0:01:53 > 0:01:56into the toilet? That's very enterprising!
0:01:56 > 0:01:58How much do you think I can get?
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- Well, are you the homeowner or are you renting?- Um...yes.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09- Which one?- Which one what?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Which one are you?
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Arthur. Remember?
0:02:13 > 0:02:15I fell down the toilet.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Are you renting or do you own it?
0:02:17 > 0:02:19The toilet?!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21Came with the house, I think.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24No, the house! Do you own the house?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I do! Oh! I see what you're getting at!
0:02:27 > 0:02:33I can sue myself! Will that make things easier or more complicated?
0:02:33 > 0:02:36No, no. You can't sue yourself!
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Why not? I think I've got quite a good case!
0:02:39 > 0:02:41I might even settle out of court.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45You can't owe yourself... Oh, God!
0:02:45 > 0:02:46You all right, mate?
0:02:48 > 0:02:51I hate my job. I hate my job.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I hate it. I hate, hate, hate my job!
0:02:54 > 0:03:00I hate my job. I hate my job.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Sorry to hear that. Why don't you leave?
0:03:04 > 0:03:05Maybe I will.
0:03:05 > 0:03:08- Maybe I will.- What is it you do?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Cup of tea, please, Sinem. Been quite a morning.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Mm-hm.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26So?
0:03:26 > 0:03:27So, what?
0:03:27 > 0:03:30I'm giving you one chance.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Say it. Let's have it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34You've got no excuse. I told you yesterday.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
0:03:37 > 0:03:38Ha...
0:03:41 > 0:03:43Happy...?
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Bir...?
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Birthday...
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Michael!
0:03:56 > 0:03:58What was the first part again?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Happy birthday!
0:04:00 > 0:04:02Oh, thank you very much.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04- Wait a minute, that's not for months.- To me!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Unbelievable!
0:04:06 > 0:04:08Well, I'm not supposed to remember every sodding birthday, am I?
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- It's someone's birthday every day. - That's two years in a row now.
0:04:12 > 0:04:14You always remember Eggy and John's.
0:04:14 > 0:04:18- Oh, that was a nice day. - When I hired the houseboat?
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- Oh, wasn't it just, Eggy? - Oh, it was lovely.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24We had cocktails on deck and everything.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29- It did sink, though.- Only the front of it. It was bone dry at the back.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You just couldn't get up there.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32We almost drowned, Arthur.
0:04:32 > 0:04:35John, do you remember when I hired that hot-air balloon?
0:04:35 > 0:04:37That was fun, wasn't it?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Yeah, but again, Arthur, we almost drowned.
0:04:40 > 0:04:45Look, it doesn't bother me... No, it does. It does.
0:04:45 > 0:04:50I don't know, I thought we were... You know what? You're just you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52You're not being... You're just you!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57THEY CHUCKLE
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- What's so funny?- Nothing.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Happy birthday!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Get your filthy hands off my sister.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11Maybe I didn't drop enough clues.
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Was I too subtle?
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I don't think you were too subtle.
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- AIR HORN - Just to say, everyone, it's my birthday tomorrow.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21It's just a general announcement.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's not aimed at anyone in particular!
0:05:24 > 0:05:27It's just, you know, when people are friends,
0:05:27 > 0:05:29it's nice to remember each other's birthdays.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32It's kind of a way of showing that you're not unhappy that
0:05:32 > 0:05:34they're alive. Arthur.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35AIR HORN
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Arthur!
0:05:37 > 0:05:39- Did you hear any of what I just said?- Sorry, Michael.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41I've got things on my mind.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43I think the date might be up on one of my vouchers.
0:05:43 > 0:05:4750p off a leg of lamb. I'll keep that safe. Two for one,
0:05:47 > 0:05:50gym membership. Oh, here it is! I was right!
0:05:50 > 0:05:51This runs out today!
0:05:51 > 0:05:55I've got to get myself down to Ann Summers, whoever she is.
0:05:55 > 0:05:58I bet he did remember. He's just so cheap,
0:05:58 > 0:06:00he doesn't want to have to buy me a cup of tea or something.
0:06:00 > 0:06:04Um, yeah. Sorry, um, I just have to...
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- What's so funny?- They're planning a surprise for Michael.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Please don't kiss customers on their birthday.- He's my boyfriend.
0:06:13 > 0:06:14And a customer.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18We don't want everyone thinking they get a kiss on their birthday.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21That's exactly the kind of thing idiot man will start asking for.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24You OK? Get the banner up.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28Oh, I can't wait to see his face when he realises I'm not
0:06:28 > 0:06:29a terrible friend.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32As I have been pretending to be for a number of years to give him
0:06:32 > 0:06:34this surprise today.
0:06:34 > 0:06:38It's a good thing Birdie overheard him talking to Sinem.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41After dinner, for which I have bought a superb South American
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Malbec, I thought we could watch Seven Samurai,
0:06:44 > 0:06:46which is my favourite film ever.
0:06:46 > 0:06:51- Hey! Three hours long. - Oh, it flies by.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Can I cook, at least? - Er, no, no, Sinem. I'll do it.
0:06:54 > 0:06:55I don't believe you.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58You get insulted when people forget your birthday and then when
0:06:58 > 0:07:01people remember, you don't want them to do anything for you.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03I know.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06On my tenth birthday, my dad promised me a trip to the zoo.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Then, on the day,
0:07:08 > 0:07:11he decided to do a speech at a dinner for Tommy Cooper instead.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Just like that.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Ever since, I've been in charge of my own birthday and,
0:07:16 > 0:07:19as a result, it's always just the way I like it.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21I suppose that makes me terribly anal.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34What a strange place!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- What is, Arthur?- Ann Summers.
0:07:38 > 0:07:43I don't quite know how to describe it. It's a sort of...
0:07:43 > 0:07:45I don't know what sort of place it is.
0:07:45 > 0:07:47They had this, um...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51I don't know what it was. But it lit up.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54I think it had a bell on it.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Oh, I don't know. I know I don't want to go there again, though.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- Did you not use your voucher, then? - Oh, no. I used the voucher.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04- Arthur.- Yes, Birdie?
0:08:05 > 0:08:09Your man, Brian, he's just been telling a terrible sad story.
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Brian? You mean Michael?
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Yeah, one of those names. He was talking to Sinem.
0:08:13 > 0:08:18- What an awful brutal childhood he had.- Really, Birdie? Go on, then.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22He wanted to go to the zoo, but his dad took Tommy Cooper instead!
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Oh!
0:08:24 > 0:08:27And now, as a result of it, he has a tremendous anal problem.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Oh! Right, that settles it!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32We're going to give him a proper birthday.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34I'm going to pull all the stops out, no expense spared.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37It's in here somewhere, I know it is.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39A-ha! Here it is!
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- Ah, I've been saving this. - What is it, Arthur?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- This, Eggy, is the golden ticket. - Golden ticket?- Yes, you know.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Like from Charlie's Wonky...Willy Factory.
0:08:48 > 0:08:53I'm going to give Michael a birthday to remember, if it kills him. Me.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58ALL: Surprise!
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Oh! Aw!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Oh! Brian?! Who's Brian?
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Sorry about that. Birdie did that.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09But make no mistake, we are here to celebrate you, Brian.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Er, Michael.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12Thank you very much. I don't know what to say.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Oh, the child-like delight in your eyes says it all.
0:09:16 > 0:09:21But it's not over yet. For we are going on a magical mystery tour!
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- What?- We have everything planned. Come on. Your carriage awaits.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26No, no, Arthur. Sinem and I have something pla...
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Did you know about this?
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- I did and they've promised to get you back in time.- Fear not.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35We shall return you to your lady's arms at the appointed hour.
0:09:35 > 0:09:36- Er...- Oh, Michael!
0:09:36 > 0:09:40For goodness' sake, be spontaneous, for once in your life!
0:09:40 > 0:09:41Oh, all right, what the heck!
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Arthur,
0:09:44 > 0:09:45I'm in your hands.
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- When can I take this off? - When we're there.
0:09:54 > 0:09:58- How long's the drive? - About an hour and a half.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02- I'm not wearing a blindfold for an hour and a half!- Go on, then.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Take it off. But you'll spoil the sus-prise.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13Hello, Michael.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Where are we going?
0:10:28 > 0:10:30Let me put it this way, do you like animals?
0:10:34 > 0:10:35They're all right.
0:10:35 > 0:10:40That's the spirit! Well, we're all going to Felsted Safari Park!
0:10:40 > 0:10:42- Hurray!- Hurray!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Oh.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Oh, wow, OK. Why?
0:10:47 > 0:10:53- Because your dad took Tommy Cooper to the zoo.- Because...?! Sorry?
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Couldn't get a voucher for the zoo, but this is the next best thing.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Oh. Oh, you overheard me...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01No, he didn't take Tommy Cooper to the zoo.
0:11:03 > 0:11:04Oh, doesn't matter.
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Thank you, Arthur. That's... That's very thoughtful.
0:11:08 > 0:11:12- The voucher gives us 60% off a family ticket.- I'm the wife.
0:11:12 > 0:11:13And a wonderful wife you are, dear!
0:11:16 > 0:11:19- Oh, OK. Isn't Eggy coming? - 'Hello, Michael.'
0:11:19 > 0:11:21He's in the boot until we get in.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23It only pays for one child.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31OK, so, Eggy's in the boot and we're passing John off as a schoolboy?
0:11:31 > 0:11:33That's about the size of it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37- John does not look like a schoolboy. - Steady on, Michael.
0:11:37 > 0:11:38I'm sorry, you don't.
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- Now, boys.- Michael! John! I will turn this car round!
0:11:42 > 0:11:44LAUGHS
0:11:50 > 0:11:52What do you think of the car, Michael?
0:11:52 > 0:11:56It's an Austin Maxi, the Rolls-Royce of the car world.
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Can't be many of these still on the road.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I tell you something,
0:12:00 > 0:12:03you would not believe how cheaply I was able to hire it for the day.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06They were practically begging me to take it away.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Right.- Probably because there's a bit of a hole under my seat.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14Don't worry though. I've stuffed a load of newspapers down there,
0:12:14 > 0:12:17so it won't get too draughty in the back.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20'This is the same car we went to my birthday in, isn't it?'
0:12:20 > 0:12:21It is, Eggy.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25You... You all nearly died, didn't you, that time?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- 'We did.' - Not because of the car, though.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31That was because I spent very little money on the boat.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33'That's right.'
0:12:34 > 0:12:38And then, on John's birthday, you all nearly died then too.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Ha! That's right. We nearly drowned.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45Luckily, no chance of that in a safari park.
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Safari park.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I'm going to a safari park.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53On my birthday.
0:12:53 > 0:12:54With Arthur.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58In this car.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00The car is safe, isn't it?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Incredibly safe...for the money.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05It's secure?
0:13:05 > 0:13:08Bound to be secure, I...would imagine.
0:13:08 > 0:13:09Is it, though?
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Secure and safe? Full stop?
0:13:11 > 0:13:15Secure and safe, full stop, I would say.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Categorically, safe and secure?
0:13:17 > 0:13:22Categorically, in general terms...I would imagine so.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26Arthur! Can you assure me that this car is completely safe?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Ye-e-e-es...
0:13:33 > 0:13:35I'm going to die!
0:13:35 > 0:13:36'Arthur does like to cut corners.'
0:13:36 > 0:13:40I'm extremely frightened. We're going to a safari park!
0:13:40 > 0:13:44This doesn't feel safe! I don't feel safe, at all!
0:13:44 > 0:13:47Well, I'm a bit worried about all of you now.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50Maybe if you sneak away, they'll cancel it and just come home.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52You can make up an excuse later.
0:13:52 > 0:13:54Sneak away?
0:13:54 > 0:13:55Maybe.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- I'll call you back.- OK.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07FLIES BUZZING
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Michael?
0:14:15 > 0:14:17SPLOSH
0:14:17 > 0:14:19What are you doing?
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Just taking it all in.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26So beautiful out here.
0:14:33 > 0:14:35I sus-ppose.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Are you coming, then?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Yup.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43On my way.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53All right, everyone. Here we are. You know what to do.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00- Now, now, dear. Let's not argue. - Nag, nag, nag!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Women, eh? Oh, they'll be the death of me. Hello, my good man.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08I have here a voucher for a family ticket, please, thank you.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10For families.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13We are a family, as my wife and son will confirm.
0:15:13 > 0:15:17Although, don't pay too much attention to my son. He's shy.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20I love you and I always will, despite what my father decreed.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23Yes, let's not get into all that now, Birdie, my dear.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24My father opposed our love.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Yes, that's not really an issue at the moment, Birdie.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29We're going to a safari park.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32And now we're a family, with a lovely wee boy.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35Yes, don't bring unnecessary attention to John, Birdie.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38- What about him?- He's paying.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47- Here we go. Ooh! Isn't it exciting?- He's circling!
0:15:47 > 0:15:48He's circling back to attack!
0:15:50 > 0:15:53- A couple of elephants.- Hello!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Oh, spotty horses.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Oh, I wonder what's up with them. They must be poorly.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07That one's getting a free ride! Get down and walk like the rest of them!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Ooh! Signs in the wild.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14It's coming near the car. It's coming near the car!
0:16:14 > 0:16:18You all right, Michael? You sound highly stressed.
0:16:18 > 0:16:22No, I'm fine. Let's just get through this as quick as you can.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- LIGHTER FLICKS - John! Are you smoking?
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- Yeah.- Why?
0:16:32 > 0:16:36It's just what you said. Try and be more like a schoolboy.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38You know, crafty one behind the bike sheds, sort of thing.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41You're in the back seat of a car!
0:16:41 > 0:16:43You're supposed to be with your parents!
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, yeah. I suppose so.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47Sorry, I'll get rid of it.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- Monkey! - MONKEY SCREECHES
0:16:55 > 0:16:58Oh, look. It's the lions. They're my favourite.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00- EGGY:- 'Why do you like lions so much, Arthur?'
0:17:00 > 0:17:02I don't, Eggy. I can't stand them.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I find them h-arrogant!
0:17:05 > 0:17:07But they're not so high and mighty now, are they?
0:17:07 > 0:17:11Eh? We're safe, here in the car and they're out there,
0:17:11 > 0:17:14thinking about how much they'd love to come and eat us.
0:17:14 > 0:17:17Dream on, you bloody idiots!
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Oh, and by the way,
0:17:19 > 0:17:23sorry again for forgetting to take you out of the boot at the entrance.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26'Don't worry about it, Arthur. It happens.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29'Too late to do anything about it now, anyway.'
0:17:30 > 0:17:35- CRACKLING John, I thought you were told to put that cigarette out.- I did, Arthur.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37The floor! The floor's on fire!
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Oh! The cigarette's set the newspapers on fire!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Why didn't you throw it out of the window?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45You're not supposed to have the windows open in a safari park.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46All right! Everybody out!
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- Oh, my God!- What are they doing? They're getting out of the car!
0:17:53 > 0:17:55- Erm...- Arthur! Arthur, we have to get back in the car!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- But there's fire in the car! - There's lions out here!
0:17:58 > 0:18:00But there's fire in the car!
0:18:00 > 0:18:03- They're looking over. - We have to get back inside!
0:18:03 > 0:18:05But what about the fire?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09- What about the lions?!- Ooh! The lions, fire. The lions, fire!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11It's a dilemma!
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Wh-what does everyone else think?
0:18:12 > 0:18:15- We can't debate it!- Come on, John! You must have an opinion!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17It's not my field, Arthur.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Who votes for getting back in the car?- There's no time!
0:18:21 > 0:18:23On balance, I think we should get back in the car.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Get back in the car!
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- OK, OK. They're getting back.- Oh!
0:18:28 > 0:18:30COUGHING
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- They're getting back out again!- What?!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37There's too much fire in the car!
0:18:37 > 0:18:40- Everyone, try and look a bit less like food!- Oh, God!
0:18:40 > 0:18:43What are we going to do?
0:18:43 > 0:18:45Eggy, how are you doing?
0:18:45 > 0:18:48'I'm not too bad, Arthur. Are we home yet?'
0:18:48 > 0:18:53Not quite. Um, you have a bit of a decision to make, Eggy.
0:18:53 > 0:18:55'Oh, yes?'
0:18:55 > 0:18:59There's fire in the car, but there's lions out here.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04Given those circumstances, do you want to get out of the boot?
0:19:04 > 0:19:08'I tell you what, let me out and I'll have a look at the situation.'
0:19:08 > 0:19:09Right, you are.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20- There's a little old man in the boot!- What?!
0:19:20 > 0:19:22LIONS ROAR
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Oh, yeah. I see what you mean.
0:19:29 > 0:19:32- All right, look, we're going to have to make a run for it.- What?!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35When I count to three, we all scatter in different directions.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Hopefully, the lions will become confused and not know who to
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- pick to eat. Ready?- Fire away!
0:19:41 > 0:19:42- Ready.- Are we going to do this?
0:19:42 > 0:19:47- Are we really going to do this?!- One, two, three.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Oh, look! The fire's gone out. Back in the car.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54The little boy! The little boy! What's he doing?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Run! Run!
0:19:57 > 0:19:59What about John?
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Oh, it's all right. Look, they're not bothered.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08- I want to go home. - But what about the alligators?- Now!
0:20:08 > 0:20:11- 'We have to pick up John.' - Yes, of course, pick up John.
0:20:11 > 0:20:12But then we go home.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- What about...?- Arthur! You nearly killed us! I want to go home!
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Oh, well. If that's the way you feel about it.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Ah!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Thank God! The little boy!
0:20:36 > 0:20:39Hello.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Hello. Are you all right?
0:20:43 > 0:20:46SHE SCREAMS
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Oh, erm... CAR RATTLES
0:20:51 > 0:20:54I'm sure that's nothing.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Actually, how about we get out and stretch our legs?
0:20:56 > 0:21:00- No, I want to go home.- Just let's stretch our legs for a minute.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- Car's broken down again, hasn't it?- N-no.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10HISSING
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Ooh, broken down, you said?
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Yes, it probably has broken down, is what I meant to say.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- Get the AA. - Er, the car's not with the AA.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22It's with the AAA.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24They're a little cheaper.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27But they promise to be out within 24 hours.
0:21:27 > 0:21:2924 hours?!
0:21:29 > 0:21:32- Right, that is it! - THUNDERCLAP
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Argh!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I don't know what's got you so upset.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40We've had a nice time, haven't we?
0:21:40 > 0:21:45No! No, we have not had a nice time, Arthur! You nearly killed us!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47You nearly killed us, Arthur! And you know why?
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Because you cut corners!
0:21:49 > 0:21:54You cut so many corners that you are literally putting lives at risk.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57- Well, maybe we can...- What? - Flag a...- What, Arthur?
0:21:57 > 0:21:58We are miles from anywhere.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00You're a member of something called the AAA,
0:22:00 > 0:22:03it is pouring with rain and now my phone has run out!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04What do you suggest we do?
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'll go and see if I can find some help.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12- EGGY:- 'Can I get out now?'
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Come on, everyone. Let's have a singsong.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# Oh... #
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Birdie, Birdie, I'm not in the mood.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26I could be home. Nice food, bottle of wine.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Instead, I'm here.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Ha-ha. That's true enough.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35You're definitely here.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- How do you do it, Birdie? - How do I do what?
0:22:38 > 0:22:40You're always so cheerful.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Why wouldn't I be cheerful? I'm having a brilliant time!
0:22:46 > 0:22:47How?
0:22:47 > 0:22:50I never thought I'd go to a safari park, something like that.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53It wasn't until I met Arthur that things like that started
0:22:53 > 0:22:54happening to me.
0:22:54 > 0:22:58I get a bit low sometimes, you know, but like, you know,
0:22:58 > 0:23:00there's some lovely people there, but being at the shelter,
0:23:00 > 0:23:03you know, you get the blues sometimes. You know, that way.
0:23:03 > 0:23:06It's just nice to get away from it all for a while.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10You know? Better to look at a lion for the day than sheep for the rest
0:23:10 > 0:23:11of your life.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Oh, look. Here comes Arthur.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Spotted a cafe over that way. We'll have to get going, though.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24- It's a long walk.- Arthur.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- Can I just say I'm sorry for shouting...?- Oh, no, no.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31No, you were right.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34I wanted to give you a special day, but I cut so many corners,
0:23:34 > 0:23:35I just ruined it.
0:23:35 > 0:23:39It's just like when it was Eggy's birthday and we all nearly drowned.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Or John's birthday and we all...nearly drowned.
0:23:42 > 0:23:46I just can't do anything right. I'm cheap.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50I mean, who else carries a box of vouchers around? Vouchers.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52Hang on.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56Birdie, have you got that I gave you from Ann Summers?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I do, Arthur.
0:23:58 > 0:24:01They're lovely stockings, but they're not really my style.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Brilliant. Eggy, when I give you the thumbs up, try the engine.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Oh, Arthur. You're...
0:24:06 > 0:24:09You're not going to use it as a fan belt, are you?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- I think that only works in films. - ENGINE STARTS
0:24:12 > 0:24:15It's working! It's working!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Quick! Get back in, before it changes its mind!
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Should get us as far as that cafe.
0:24:24 > 0:24:28- # Happy birthday dear Michael BIRDIE:- ..Brian!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31# Happy birthday to you! #
0:24:31 > 0:24:33THEY CHEER
0:24:34 > 0:24:36I'll be mum.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39FAKE COUGHS
0:24:39 > 0:24:42I remember when I first met Michael.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44There... Um... Erm...
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Er...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Enough of my stories!
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Let's all raise a glass to the man who's become
0:24:53 > 0:24:55a fixture in all our lives.
0:24:55 > 0:24:59Like a spoon or... a thing for salt, um...
0:24:59 > 0:25:05Actually, maybe that spoon's a bit dirty. Um, but Michael...isn't.
0:25:05 > 0:25:11He's clean. Like a...bar of soap or a washing machine.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Not once have I had to step in and have a word.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16To Michael!
0:25:16 > 0:25:18- ALL:- To Michael!
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Well, thank you very much.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24It's the nicest roadside sausage birthday cake I've ever had.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27It's not bad, is it? Mm! It's very dense.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I get the feeling there's more than one kind of meat in here.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I like that in a sausage. There's a lot going on.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Seriously, though, Michael, it's been a pleasure knowing you,
0:25:36 > 0:25:38these last few years.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40I'll second that.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42- I don't really know you.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44You'd do anything for anyone.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- You haven't got a selfish bone in your body.- Very true, Eggy.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49We could learn a lot from Michael.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Are you finishing that?
0:25:52 > 0:25:53Do you want it?
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Well, if you're not having it. - It's all yours.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Will I get another round in?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Thanks, Eggy, but just still working on this one.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07Actually, I've had a lot of fun, so thank you, guys.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Just a shame you won't be back in time for Sinem.
0:26:10 > 0:26:13I wouldn't be too sure about that. BELL PINGS
0:26:13 > 0:26:17- What's this?- I got you one of those motorcycle shuttle services.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19This bloke will whizz you through the traffic,
0:26:19 > 0:26:21get you back in time for your big night.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Oh, Arthur, that's... That's so kind.
0:26:24 > 0:26:26This must have cost you a few quid.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29You don't need to say anything. Just go.
0:26:29 > 0:26:31OK, lead the way.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Thank you, guys.
0:26:35 > 0:26:36- Bye.- Bye.- Bye, Michael!
0:26:36 > 0:26:41- And you didn't even need to use a voucher.- Oh, no. I used a voucher.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- Bloody helmet! - What's wrong with the helmet?
0:26:51 > 0:26:54Oh, the visibility's very poor.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58You do know you're not actually looking at me right now, don't you?
0:26:58 > 0:26:59Oh, sorry.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Still not looking at me.
0:27:03 > 0:27:08Sorry, this may sound like a silly question, but...can you see?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11I can see most...things.
0:27:13 > 0:27:14No hurry!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I said, no hurry!
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Watch that rock!
0:27:18 > 0:27:19There's a corner!
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Well, we'd better start, if we're walking back.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Oh, no. I got us a taxi.
0:27:30 > 0:27:34- Oh, wasn't that a lovely day? - And no-one drowned.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Oh, my God!- Yeah, yes. Quite a day.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Are you all right?
0:27:42 > 0:27:44Oh, you know.
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Water off a duck's back.
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Lovely.