0:00:02 > 0:00:10This programme contains strong language
0:00:10 > 0:00:16# They say time will wait for no man They say time is on my side
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# I can never make my mind up
0:00:19 > 0:00:21# Cos it all goes whizzing by
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# From the cradle to the grave
0:00:25 > 0:00:27# From the cradle to the grave
0:00:27 > 0:00:29# I know I won't be a slave
0:00:29 > 0:00:31# I know I won't be a slave
0:00:31 > 0:00:34# To the mistakes that I've made
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# From the cradle to the grave
0:00:36 > 0:00:42# I won't go home till I'm ready From the cradle to the grave. #
0:00:42 > 0:00:44'It was Danny's fault, he said get the ladder.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46'I never said put it up against the bank
0:00:46 > 0:00:50'and I never chucked Coxy's wallet through the window.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53'Coxy had to climb in and get it.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57'He was so happy when he found it, but you can't miss out
0:00:57 > 0:01:00'on a opportunity like that, can you? It had to be done.'
0:01:02 > 0:01:04- So what happened?- Well, he had to wait for the police.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06They accepted it was a prank gone wrong -
0:01:06 > 0:01:08but Coxy, he had to pay fine of £50.
0:01:08 > 0:01:1050 quid!
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I had to pay for it. Skinted me.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13It was funny, though.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17Yeah, but you've got to be careful havin' a laugh.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20I remember when we thought it'd be funny to knock Harry Sarti's hat off.
0:01:20 > 0:01:21'Harry was as bald as a coot
0:01:21 > 0:01:24'and he wouldn't take his hat off for love nor money.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26'Upended a vicar who tried to make him
0:01:26 > 0:01:27'take it off at his mum's funeral.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29'Well, it was a challenge, wasn't it?'
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Me and my brother Alfie - this was before he left the docks, mind -
0:01:32 > 0:01:35'measured Harry up when he was havin' a kip...
0:01:35 > 0:01:38'but he'd taken his boots off, see.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40'And that was the problem - we forgot to allow another inch
0:01:40 > 0:01:42'and half for his soles.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44'The big day came and...'
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Shit! Harry, are you all right?
0:01:53 > 0:01:55Quick! Lower the hook! Lower the hook!
0:01:55 > 0:01:57So you hit your mate on the head with a crane hook?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Well, that's not what we intended - it was supposed to knock his hat off.
0:02:04 > 0:02:05Get on it, Harry!
0:02:06 > 0:02:12That it! That's right, lift him up. Get it up, come on, come on.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Me hat! Me hat!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16Leave your hat, leave it!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Fucking hell! We'll get you another one.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23We all know, everybody knows, you're bald as a door knob.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27So, the point is, Harry shouldn't have been so vain?
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Or you should have been more careful?
0:02:29 > 0:02:32Neither. The point is, pretty soon after that happened,
0:02:32 > 0:02:33Harry Sarti stopped wearing his hat.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35He got rid of that comb-over.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38He got a lot more confident about himself, and two years later
0:02:38 > 0:02:41as a result, he run off with that crane driver's missus.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44So, you see, these things you do, they can accelerate, can't they?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48I need to get some scratch together,
0:02:48 > 0:02:50supposed to be taking that Debbie out tonight.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Are you still collecting records?
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Yeah.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00'Steve was the youngest of a local family of villains - the Churchers.'
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Oh, blimey, Steve, I thought- I- had some old shit.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05There must be summink you want to buy?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Oh, yeah, you would have this one -
0:03:08 > 0:03:12his poxy first album, you can get anywhere for 30 pence.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16# There's a rubber band that plays tunes out of tune... #
0:03:16 > 0:03:18'But as Dad said, these things can accelerate.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21'And my foot was just about to hit the pedal.'
0:03:21 > 0:03:22What's this - your nan's?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24You do know cassettes are only this big these days?
0:03:24 > 0:03:26That's a telly cassette.
0:03:26 > 0:03:27Telly cassette?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29It's for the telly.
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Here, look.
0:03:39 > 0:03:41What's that?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42It's a video recorder.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49MUSIC: Rising Damp Theme
0:03:50 > 0:03:51What's goin' on?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54I told you, it's a cassette for the telly. My mum hates it -
0:03:54 > 0:03:57she thinks it's too big for the room.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58It's only twenty to three.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00How can Rising Damp be on at twenty to three?
0:04:00 > 0:04:02What have you done?
0:04:02 > 0:04:03I taped it the other night.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07You know like a cassette tapes your music, well, this tapes your telly.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10No, Steve, you can't TAPE the telly. That's mad, you...
0:04:10 > 0:04:12You can't record the television!
0:04:12 > 0:04:13Watch.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Now what's happened?
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I've paused it.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21You can't pause the telly! What are you doin'?
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Straight - what are you doin'?
0:04:23 > 0:04:25One of me old man's mates nicked it out of Thames Television.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28And it tapes Thames Television?
0:04:28 > 0:04:31It tapes ALL television.
0:04:31 > 0:04:32Are you jokin'?
0:04:32 > 0:04:34Did you not know we had one of these?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36- No!- He's gettin' another one next week, more modern.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37He's gettin' another one?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40Oh, Steve, mate, you've gotta let me have this one.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41It ain't mine to sell.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45Do us a favour, go and ask your old man how much he wants for it.
0:04:45 > 0:04:46My dad? You sure?
0:04:46 > 0:04:47Yeah!
0:04:52 > 0:04:54- 'It's Rigsby!- It's Rigsby(!)'
0:04:56 > 0:04:58Have you had a bereavement?
0:05:00 > 0:05:05'I had entered a parallel universe.'
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Forget it, Dan, he wants 100 quid.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09100!
0:05:15 > 0:05:18Here, Kath, give us a slice of your bread puddin', will ya?
0:05:18 > 0:05:19Comin' right up.
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Only there's a Russian freighter sinking out there.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23They need somethin' to block up the hole.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Oh, balls to ya.
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Determined to take the piss out of me right to the last day, ain't ya.
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Yeah. We are.
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I've cooked hot dinners for you ponces for the last 30 years.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34I've never had a word of thanks.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36You don't have to eat them, do ya?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38No wonder no-one else wants to bleedin' buy this place.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- Oh, you know we loves ya, Kath.- Do I?
0:05:41 > 0:05:42Haven't you got any steak for later?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46Yes...I have, as it happens. Why?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Cos Terry's got a hole in his boot and he needs it soled and heeled.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Oh, bollocks!
0:05:50 > 0:05:52'In fact, like many old industries,
0:05:52 > 0:05:55'the docks were facing closure, with dockers offered money to quit.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57'And now, new faces were appearing.'
0:05:57 > 0:05:59Who's that?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01That's the new security firm they got in.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Blimey, they only look about 15. - Ha-ha. Lovely.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Lovely? What's lovely about that?
0:06:05 > 0:06:08They won't have heard about any of the fiddles, will they?
0:06:08 > 0:06:11He's right, we can go right through the book with 'em.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I reckon we could do Cat In The Box with kids like that.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16'Cat In The Box was the oldest trick in the dockers' book.'
0:06:16 > 0:06:18- What you got in the box, Spud? - Stray cat, Norm, for me daughter.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21I'm going to have to look inside, I'm afraid.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- Come on. It's a stray cat. - Open her up.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25- CAT HISSES - Bloody hell!
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Fucking hell! Thanks a lot(!) Thank you(!)
0:06:28 > 0:06:31'Dad normally gave it about half an hour.'
0:06:31 > 0:06:32Want to see the cat again?
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- No, no, you're all right, Spud, go on.- Cheers, Norm.
0:06:35 > 0:06:37All right, calm down in there.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46'We had ham sandwiches for a month after that.'
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Can't do Cat In The Box no more.
0:06:48 > 0:06:50Reggie tried it the other week over at the East Gate,
0:06:50 > 0:06:52and they looked in the box the second time.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- They looked in the box the second time?- Yeah.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56So what? He offered 'em a drink.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58They weren't interested in a drink. They put Reggie on report.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00- They weren't interested in a drink?! - No.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03They're onto everything, they're not even a little bit approachable.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05So maybe it's time to take the money.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Yeah. You might be right there, Ern,
0:07:07 > 0:07:09the offer was up to 1,200 quid in the last letter.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12Don't you wonder why they're so keen to pay us off?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You take that money, might as well cut your own throat.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17The old game's changing, Spud. This ain't a job for life no more.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Don't piss about back there, you'll blow us all through the roof.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Hold on. Just need to connect it all up.
0:07:27 > 0:07:28DOOR CLOSES
0:07:28 > 0:07:29Hello?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Where is everyone?- In here!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36I've been given two weeks to come up with the 100 quid,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38but right now, I was too excited to worry about that.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40What the fucking hell is that monstrosity?
0:07:40 > 0:07:45Right. Ladies and gentlemen, our house is now a cinema.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46What is it?
0:07:46 > 0:07:49It's a video recorder. It records the television.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50What for?
0:07:50 > 0:07:52So you can watch programmes again.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56- What for? - Well, you can keep shows on it.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59Keep shows?! You can fucking stage shows on that -
0:07:59 > 0:08:01look at the size of it. Where did you get it?
0:08:01 > 0:08:03Here, ain't Joey Churcher got one of them?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Joey Churcher? I hope not!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I'm off out now, see you later. What is that?
0:08:08 > 0:08:10It's a video recorder.
0:08:10 > 0:08:11Who you meetin' tonight, Gog or Magog?
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I'll be in about 11, Mum.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Be careful.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Make sure you are. Keep your hand on your ha'penny.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19She's off out with Roger again. Six months now.
0:08:19 > 0:08:22Why does she never she bring him home more often?
0:08:22 > 0:08:23I wonder(!)
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Right, there you go. Ready?
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Born ready.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31This is good, innit(?)
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- Maybe it needs tuning in?- Yeah.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38Oi! Don't piss about with that, took us three days to find BBC Two!
0:08:38 > 0:08:40RIGSBY: Better place than this, too!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44What's that?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46That's last week's Rising Damp!
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Yeah, and we watched that last week.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49You know what it looks like?
0:08:49 > 0:08:52Like the telly's had a stroke. THEY LAUGH
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It does! How much did you give for that?
0:08:54 > 0:08:5520 quid.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58A score? 25 more like.
0:08:58 > 0:08:59How are you going to pay for that?
0:08:59 > 0:09:02You've used up all your birthday money on bleeding records?
0:09:02 > 0:09:05I'm like Dad, aren't I? I can always get hold of a few quid.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07Right, here's a tenner, put that with your nans' postal orders
0:09:07 > 0:09:08and that's the end of it.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Don't be gettin' involved with the like of Joey Churcher, son.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Thanks, Dad.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Well, there we go. Do you want to watch it again?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18No.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21'Since my dad had threatened to run over her last boyfriend, Colin,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23'Sharon had been going steady with Roger.'
0:09:23 > 0:09:25In comes Mr Collier and says,
0:09:25 > 0:09:27"Brilliant, Barbara, go home early if you want."
0:09:27 > 0:09:30And I thought, "Hang on, hang on, I did most of that, I'm the one
0:09:30 > 0:09:34"with Pitman's shorthand, 120 words a minute." Drives me mad up there.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37How was YOUR week?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Well, work's work, innit?
0:09:43 > 0:09:46'He wasn't exactly the romantic type, but she'd had plenty of them.'
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Oh, yeah! That's what I was going to ask ya.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Do you want to get married?
0:09:50 > 0:09:51Eh?
0:09:51 > 0:09:53What?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54Do you want to get married?
0:09:54 > 0:09:57You was talking about it the other week with your mate.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Shall we do it?
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Well, yeah, but... but do it different to that.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- What?- Asking me to marry you, you've got to say, "Will you marry me?"
0:10:06 > 0:10:07I just did!
0:10:07 > 0:10:11Proper! You're supposed to get down on one knee.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14What, in here? You've got some chance!
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Do you want to marry me or not?
0:10:16 > 0:10:20What about my dad?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22'Sharon was on the verge of gaining a husband
0:10:22 > 0:10:25'while I'd already given my heart to a video recorder.
0:10:25 > 0:10:26'But, like my sister,
0:10:26 > 0:10:30'I was to scared to tell Dad the whole truth about our relationship.'
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Mike.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36MUSIC SEEPS FROM HEADPHONES
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Oi?
0:10:39 > 0:10:40What?!
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Mike, I owe more than 20 quid.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46I knew you did. Go on, how much?
0:10:46 > 0:10:4730?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Yeah.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51You idiot. 30 quid just to tape Rising Damp.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53It tapes other things, too.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54I owe 100 quid.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57100 quid! You owe Joey Churcher 100 quid?
0:11:00 > 0:11:01Stewart Sams only owed him a tenner.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- Yeah? So?- When was last time you saw Stewart Sams?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06His family's moved to Ramsgate.
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yes, but ask yourself WHY they moved to Ramsgate?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Eh? Did they even MOVE to Ramsgate?
0:11:11 > 0:11:15No. You're not saying he killed all Stewart Sams' family for a tenner?
0:11:15 > 0:11:19I'm not saying nothing, mate, you're the one that owes him 100 quid.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Now shut up and leave me alone, will ya?
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Oi, listen...
0:11:25 > 0:11:27If you do that again, I'm going to fuckin'...
0:11:27 > 0:11:29Get off! Get off!
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Stop! What's the matter with you?
0:11:33 > 0:11:35I just wanted to know what you were listening to.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37New Deep Purple LP.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Deep Purple? Where'd you get that?
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Eddie Gregory taped it for me. Only cost me a quid.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45Here, I reckon you're going to have to start sellin' some of them soon
0:11:45 > 0:11:47if you're going to get yourself out of this one.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50What?! Not me records! I can't!
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Come on, Fred, that's enough, ain't it?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05What are you talking about?! These are Polaroids.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Two quid a pair for these!
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Haemorrhoids.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09Oi! Stop that.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12Fucking hell, Norman!
0:12:12 > 0:12:14'Old Norman was one of the chaps.'
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Don't do that to us!
0:12:15 > 0:12:17'Totally in the swim.'
0:12:17 > 0:12:20No, no, straight, stop it, there's no point.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Why, it's only a bit of Fat Man, Norm.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24You're part of the old firm, we'll sort you out no problem.
0:12:24 > 0:12:27New lot are onto it. Jackie Tarbard got stopped the other day
0:12:27 > 0:12:29trying to nick a load of football shirts.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33How? You can't put your hands on a dock worker, we'll all walk out.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36You can if you stop a bloke who looks like he weighs 40 stone,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38then you strip him down and find out he don't weight ten.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40What, so no more Fat Man?
0:12:40 > 0:12:43This is bollocks. They're taking away our livelihood.
0:12:43 > 0:12:45The only thing I'm earning at the moment is me wages!
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Listen, as soon as it goes up to two grand, mate, I'm takin' it.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51What have I told you? Don't take their bribes.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54If none of us take their money, they can't close the docks down.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55Your Alfie took it.
0:12:55 > 0:12:58Yeah, but what's he got now? About 50 quid.
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Don't you think he regrets it every single day.
0:13:00 > 0:13:04He got a grand, he never even bought himself a new car.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06It's blood money.
0:13:08 > 0:13:11Well, if you can't take a few fucking steps,
0:13:11 > 0:13:13you wouldn't be able to run my business, so...
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Yeah, and you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17What's up, Kath?
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Another bleedin' buyer's dropped out, they're all talk, all of them.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Did they find out you were taking them Scotch eggs with you?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Valuable antiques, they are.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27You won't be laughin' the end of next week when I've gone.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30This hut's been here since 1918.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32So has them Scotch eggs.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35They say, "Oh, you can't cook off a bottle of gas no more,"
0:13:35 > 0:13:37and, "Oh, there's gotta be a sink
0:13:37 > 0:13:40"plumbed in so the staff can wash their hands."
0:13:40 > 0:13:43There's only me! What do I want to wash me hands for?
0:13:43 > 0:13:47And the latest thing is, "Where's your toilet facilities?"
0:13:47 > 0:13:50I told 'I'm, I said, "Over the Rose & Crown, where I've always gone."
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I don't know what they expect for £350.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55You ain't got that in yer back pocket, have ya?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57We were just saying, we can't smuggle a rasher of wind
0:13:57 > 0:13:59- out of this place at the moment. - Fuck all.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02The dock'll be delighted to see this place close down,
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and it will make it easier for them to get rid of you lot.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06Well, they're on to all our strokes.
0:14:06 > 0:14:10Shame, because I heard there's a booze boat comin' in next Thursday.
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Load of sherry from Cadiz.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16In the old days, you lot would have stripped that bare.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Sherry, though, Kath? I mean,
0:14:17 > 0:14:20we're going to have trouble knockin' that out round here.
0:14:20 > 0:14:21Round here, maybe.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23But out in the suburbs, Eltham, Cockfosters,
0:14:23 > 0:14:25that's all they drink out there.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30'The video recorder was starting to dominate family life.'
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- IN UNISON WITH THE TV DIALOGUE: - Do you know what?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34I still feel hungry. So am I. Fancy a bag of chips?
0:14:34 > 0:14:38Plenty of vinegar? Lots of scallops? Mushy peas. You're on.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40Your turn to pay. Come on.
0:14:40 > 0:14:42LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ON TV
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Suit of armour.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49Watch it again?
0:14:50 > 0:14:53'But I still had to pay Joey Churcher what I owed him for it.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56'There was no way I was going to sell any of my famously
0:14:56 > 0:14:58'comprehensive record collection,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01'so inspired by my brother's mate, Eddie Gregory, I came up with
0:15:01 > 0:15:05'a plan. I put a classified ad in the music papers offering to tape
0:15:05 > 0:15:07'any albums onto cassette for just one pound.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19'All I had to do was press record, sit back and wait.'
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Don't touch the record player!
0:15:37 > 0:15:39All right, let's take it up. Come on.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41'It had become a point of principle for Dad.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45'The boatload of sherry had arrived, and his solution was to reach back
0:15:45 > 0:15:49"into the past for a classic old dock workers' stroke, The Dredge.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Haven't you got anything else better to do?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Just making sure every bottle of this goes where it's meant to.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Yeah.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02That's it. Take it down.
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Got it, lads?
0:16:11 > 0:16:15Whoa, right, lads, let's get this shifted.
0:16:26 > 0:16:27'Ere, I want a word with you!
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Not now, Mum.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35'The video recorder was taking over my life, but so was paying for it.'
0:16:41 > 0:16:43A couple of letters came for you.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Oh, yeah?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Now, do you want to tell me what you've been up to?
0:17:05 > 0:17:07All right, let's take it up.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Stand from under.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12Set hangin'!
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Just a minute, Les!
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I think there's a corner come loose.
0:17:21 > 0:17:25That's it, Les, to me, to me, bring it in.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Just as I thought, this isn't secure.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35There you go. Right, take it up.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40Steady, Les, steady! That still don't look too secure to me, that.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47Oi!
0:17:48 > 0:17:50I said it wasn't secure, you heard me.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Someone could have been killed.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55You don't take the working man's welfare seriously round here.
0:18:04 > 0:18:05So what happens now?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Well, for the next six months all the fish
0:18:07 > 0:18:09that are pulled out of there will be three-parts pissed.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- What, so all that lot's lost, is it? - Gone!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Unless you're willing to jump in after it.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Well, what about insurance? Shouldn't we get your names?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Excuse me, your names, please?
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Names? That's Duke of Edinburgh.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23That's Elvis Presley.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- Donald Duck.- And I'm the Dalai Lama.
0:18:27 > 0:18:31'My recording business was booming to the point where supply - me -
0:18:31 > 0:18:33'couldn't possibly keep up with demand -
0:18:33 > 0:18:36apparently the entire record-buying public of the United Kingdom.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41MUSIC: Paranoid by Black Sabbath
0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh, no, it'll all be over the front page of the Weatherfield Gazette
0:18:53 > 0:18:56on Friday. Bet Lynch is definitely back in circulation.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Haven't you seen this episode?
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Yeah. We recorded it.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03How many times have you watched it?
0:19:03 > 0:19:04About...ten.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Mad.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Oh, who's turned off the record player?!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I did! I was sick of hearing Pink bloody Floyd.
0:19:11 > 0:19:14Well, I'm never going to finish if you keep turning it off.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16You'll never finish by the look of that pile of letters.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18And there's two posts tomorrow.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21Lucky for you your father's workin' late tonight.
0:19:21 > 0:19:22Argh!
0:19:28 > 0:19:30So how long's it been, then, since this was last done?
0:19:30 > 0:19:33Whoa. It's gotta be 10, 15 years.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35Archie Clarke was the best at it.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Archie Clarke? Didn't he drown or somethin'?- Yeah.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Doin' this?
0:19:40 > 0:19:41Indirectly.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44He was on his way home from doing this and he got pissed
0:19:44 > 0:19:45and fell off the Woolwich ferry.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47All right, chaps, have I missed it?
0:19:47 > 0:19:51- Where you been?- Sorry, Spud, I can't resist her toad in the 'ole.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52What's happenin'?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55THEY LAUGH
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Alfie! Never thought I'd see you back in the docks -
0:19:58 > 0:19:59I thought you took the money?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01He did. That's why he needs the work.
0:20:01 > 0:20:02What you been doin' down there?
0:20:02 > 0:20:07What do you think I've been...? Playing bleeding golf?
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Here you are, I found it all on the bottom ready to bring up.
0:20:10 > 0:20:15Yes, look at this. At last, a chance to earn.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Ho-ho!
0:20:17 > 0:20:18So, how's it goin', then, Alf?
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Terrible. I just miss everyone.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22You don't know how much it's part of your life
0:20:22 > 0:20:23till you're out of it all.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29Fucking hell! It's like vinegar!
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Not only does it taste like vinegar. It is vinegar.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35Look - vinagre - vinegar.
0:20:35 > 0:20:38Right, sherry vinegar? Look at that!
0:20:38 > 0:20:41How are we supposed to shift that?!
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Oh, what a waste of time!
0:20:42 > 0:20:45I could have been at home having apple crumble now.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46What's goin' on here?
0:20:46 > 0:20:48(Fuckin' arseholes.)
0:20:48 > 0:20:51Night fishin'. Just doin' a spot of night fishin', that's all.
0:20:51 > 0:20:52- SPLASH - What was that?
0:20:52 > 0:20:54That one was too small, threw it back.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57'Always conduct yourself as an innocent man, Dad told us.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59'Of course, he was an expert at it.'
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Anyway, you shouldn't be on dock premises after working hours.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Er, that's not true.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Under the Port of London Charter of 1903, dockers are permitted
0:21:06 > 0:21:10to fish in the waters in which they toil, at any time, day or night.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12I'd like to see that in black and white.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16No need, son. It's filed away, up here.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19Why's he in a wetsuit?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21We're after skate.
0:21:21 > 0:21:22What?
0:21:22 > 0:21:25Skate. Fish. They're bottom feeders, ain't they?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Port of London Charter of 1903 again?
0:21:27 > 0:21:28No. 1907, that one, 1907.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30That's about right for you lot, ain't it, eh?
0:21:30 > 0:21:32You're all well out of date.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35Within two years, there won't be no dockers left round here.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37Oh, yeah? Well, what will be here, then, clever bollocks?
0:21:37 > 0:21:40Money. Real money, not your little scams.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43That's all getting bought up for property, innit?
0:21:43 > 0:21:47You're round the twist. This is the busiest port in the world.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- They'll always need blokes like us, mate.- Correct.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53So why are they offering you 1,200 quid to go away?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56That's a lot of piss-off money for someone they want to keep.
0:21:56 > 0:21:57Come on.
0:21:59 > 0:22:01Fucking arseholes.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03# I shot the sheriff
0:22:03 > 0:22:06# But I did not shoot the deputy... #
0:22:06 > 0:22:07How much?
0:22:07 > 0:22:09See for yourself.
0:22:09 > 0:22:10- 1,500 quid!- Mmm.
0:22:10 > 0:22:16Oh, my good God, Fred, you've got to at least think about it. £1,500.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20I can earn that in six months, Bet. What's the point of takin' it,
0:22:20 > 0:22:22then, in six months, not havin' a job?
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Any more mail?
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Yeah.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Yeah, one or two bits.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31But none of it's for you.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- What the fuckin' 'ell's that? - Here, look at that.
0:22:35 > 0:22:38- Who's moved in, The Beatles? - You'd better ask Danny. Look.
0:22:38 > 0:22:41Danny? Oi, Danny.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44What you done? Knocked off a mail train? What's this?
0:22:44 > 0:22:45Sit down, Ronnie Biggs.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48And this had better all be straight.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51Be a first time in this house if it is.
0:22:51 > 0:22:54Well, I was just foraging,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56trying to get a few quid together, like YOU do.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58But I've gone in over me head.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59I don't know what to do, Dad.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01What have you been doing?!
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Taping LPs and selling 'em.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Which is illegal, by the way, copyright, they call it.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I've been trying to pay back
0:23:06 > 0:23:08Joey Churcher for this video recorder thing.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Owes him 100 quid, don't he?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12He's asked you for 100 quid for that thing,
0:23:12 > 0:23:14what his mate knocked off for nothin'?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Right, you leave Joey Churcher to me,
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I'll sort him out. He owes me a few favours.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20What about the letters? I've had so many, I'll be
0:23:20 > 0:23:22taping till Christmas and I still won't finish.
0:23:22 > 0:23:25Never mind them. I'll take them down the dump and burn 'em.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26Thanks, Dad.
0:23:26 > 0:23:27Listen to me, Danny.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30And you. Doors are closin', the world is changin'.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33We've got to learn to do things straight. That's the future now.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Skulduggery, that's all finished.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38What about all the money?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Money? What money? What are you talking about, money?
0:23:40 > 0:23:43They've been sending money to do their tapes. Then most of them
0:23:43 > 0:23:45have been selling 'em on to their mates for a profit.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47So there's money in all these?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Yeah. Better chuck the whole lot.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Never mind that. You get to school.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I'll sort these out. Bet, another cup of tea!
0:23:55 > 0:23:58'Dad was very scrupulous.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00'Kids who only wanted one tape got their money back.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04'But those who to make a profit out of my efforts weren't so lucky.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07'Soon there was enough to pay off Joey Churcher
0:24:07 > 0:24:10'plus a "reasonable surplus", as Dad put it, on top.'
0:24:10 > 0:24:14Woo-hoo, like I've always told you, Bet, everyone's at it.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Unfortunately for this mob, some of us
0:24:16 > 0:24:18have been at it a lot longer than others.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22'And that surplus, he immediately put to good use.'
0:24:22 > 0:24:28I always promised meself one day I'd sit here and be served.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You can choose what you like, Kath, it's all on us.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Alfie!
0:24:32 > 0:24:33Certainly, madam.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35On behalf of the new management, what can I get you?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37Ooh, it's good to see you back, Alf.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39It's nice to be back.
0:24:39 > 0:24:45Well, I'll have a nice cup o' tea and, er, one of them Bakewell tarts.
0:24:45 > 0:24:47Of course, comin' right up.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49You sure you want to part with that, Kath?
0:24:49 > 0:24:50They've been in the family a long time.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54And wash your bleeding hands before you serve it!
0:24:54 > 0:24:56She's got a point!
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Me and Cliff are so grateful to you boys.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02It was Spud what come up with it all, thank him.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Well...
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Two cups of tea.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Sorry, gents.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13What's that supposed to mean?
0:25:13 > 0:25:16It's there in black and white. Dockers only!
0:25:16 > 0:25:20In other words, piss off out of it, go on.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21Get on out of it.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24'So Kath got her retirement money, Alfie was back in the docks
0:25:24 > 0:25:27'and Dad had stayed ahead of the game again.'
0:25:29 > 0:25:31HE SIGHS Can we turn over?
0:25:31 > 0:25:32No, I want to tape This Is Your Life.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34- It'll be Des O'Connor. - You say that every week.
0:25:34 > 0:25:38No, I don't. I was right the other week with Ray Alan.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40No, you just said "a ventriloquist".
0:25:40 > 0:25:43Yeah, Ray Alan, he's a ventriloquist.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46Anyway, I don't know why they act all shocked, they've all been told.
0:25:46 > 0:25:47It's all set up in advance.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50What you doing?
0:25:50 > 0:25:51Fred.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52What?
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- Fred.- What?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Sharon and Roger want to get married.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59- How much?- What?!
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I mean, when?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03In the summer.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06All right, summer.
0:26:06 > 0:26:08All right.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11- Is that it?- Yeah.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12- They'll be back in a minute.- What?
0:26:12 > 0:26:15Sharon was expecting you to go off like a rocket.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- Why?- You've chased the last four of her boyfriends over the back wall.
0:26:18 > 0:26:23Well, I like Roger, he's a good bloke.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Yeah, he reminds me of someone.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Who?- You.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31Sharon say's he ain't even bought her a ring yet
0:26:31 > 0:26:33in case you said no and he was lumbered with it.
0:26:33 > 0:26:35Well, what's wrong with that?
0:26:40 > 0:26:44- Don't, don't...- What?- No. Come on. Bless.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47All right?
0:26:48 > 0:26:49Are you taping This Is Your Life?
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Yeah, it's on after this.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54It's all set up, Sharon, they know in advance.
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Correct, just been saying that to her mother.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58Oh, don't spoil it.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01I like to see who's the surprise guest is that comes on last.
0:27:01 > 0:27:02So do I.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06Weren't much of a surprise last week with Ray Alan and Lord Charles.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08It was a fucking puppet.
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Right, I will go and put the kettle on.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Anyway, Dad...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20What?
0:27:20 > 0:27:22Roger's got somethin' to tell you.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24- Has he?- Have I?
0:27:24 > 0:27:27(Tell him!)
0:27:28 > 0:27:29Yeah.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34He's asked me to marry him.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36- He's what?- We're only engaged, Fred.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39I told her to leave it for now, but she wanted to tell you.
0:27:39 > 0:27:40You're getting married?!
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Well...yeah!
0:27:43 > 0:27:47Right...well...
0:27:47 > 0:27:49I already knew that.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51What?
0:27:51 > 0:27:52Your mother told me earlier.
0:27:52 > 0:27:55Oh, you are rotten, the pair of you!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57It was his idea to wind you up.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59You're not angry?
0:27:59 > 0:28:00I'm not a nutcase, am I?
0:28:00 > 0:28:03Come here, girl. Congratulations, boy.
0:28:03 > 0:28:05- Thanks, Fred.- Positive you want to go through with this, Rog?
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Yes, he is, thank you very much!
0:28:07 > 0:28:09She's been out with a few, you know.
0:28:09 > 0:28:10What?
0:28:11 > 0:28:16# They say time will wait for no man
0:28:16 > 0:28:21# They say time is on my side
0:28:21 > 0:28:26# I can never make my mind up
0:28:26 > 0:28:29# Cos it all goes whizzing by
0:28:29 > 0:28:34- # From the cradle to the grave - From the cradle to the grave
0:28:34 > 0:28:39- # I know I won't be a slave - I know I won't be a slave...- #