The Homecoming

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04THUNDER RUMBLES

0:00:04 > 0:00:06MUSIC: "We Found Love" by Rihanna

0:00:08 > 0:00:15This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:26 > 0:00:28Kes, we need to get indoors.

0:00:30 > 0:00:32OK. I'm coming.

0:00:35 > 0:00:38Is your friend OK?

0:00:38 > 0:00:40A few too many fish bowls.

0:00:40 > 0:00:41I understand.

0:00:41 > 0:00:45Is that...a Phi Ta Khon mask?

0:00:48 > 0:00:51It's the sky spirit Thaen.

0:00:51 > 0:00:54Four million years ago, on a night like tonight,

0:00:54 > 0:00:57he mated with the wolf goddess Mazu,

0:00:57 > 0:01:01and the fruits of their love were the ocean, the sand and the stars.

0:01:01 > 0:01:03Sounds like a good session.

0:01:03 > 0:01:05It was THE session.

0:01:06 > 0:01:08Rachel.

0:01:08 > 0:01:10Hello, Rachel.

0:01:11 > 0:01:13They call me Cuckoo.

0:01:13 > 0:01:16Rach, I'm good.

0:01:16 > 0:01:17I'm going in.

0:01:24 > 0:01:26Shouldn't we get out of the rain?

0:01:28 > 0:01:29Huh.

0:01:30 > 0:01:32Is it raining?

0:01:33 > 0:01:35I hadn't noticed.

0:01:48 > 0:01:54# Outside there's children laughing

0:01:54 > 0:02:00# The radio plays my favourite song

0:02:00 > 0:02:02# The sun is shining

0:02:02 > 0:02:11# Oh, and peace is the sweetest sound I've ever heard

0:02:11 > 0:02:16# And baby's coming back to me

0:02:16 > 0:02:22# Yeah, baby's coming back to me... #

0:02:26 > 0:02:27# Salt-N-Pepa's here... #

0:02:27 > 0:02:29Yes, I know now.

0:02:29 > 0:02:30# Rachel's coming home... #

0:02:30 > 0:02:31But I...

0:02:31 > 0:02:33# Only the sexy people, baby... #

0:02:33 > 0:02:36I'm just saying as your solicitor I should look at it first, OK?

0:02:36 > 0:02:37Thank you. Bye-bye. Lorna!

0:02:37 > 0:02:39# Rachel's coming home... #

0:02:39 > 0:02:40I was on the phone.

0:02:40 > 0:02:42# Salt-N-Pepa's here and we're in effect

0:02:42 > 0:02:44# Want you to push it, babe

0:02:44 > 0:02:47- # Coolin' by day and by night - # Workin' up a sweat

0:02:47 > 0:02:51# Come on, girls, let's go show the guys that we know

0:02:51 > 0:02:54# How to become number one in a hot party show

0:02:54 > 0:02:57# Now push it! Ah, push it!

0:02:58 > 0:03:01# Push it good! Ah, push it!

0:03:01 > 0:03:03# P-Push it real good! #

0:03:03 > 0:03:06I hope she hasn't taken any drugs.

0:03:06 > 0:03:08That's a bit rich. You used to shovel them back.

0:03:08 > 0:03:10Shovel?

0:03:10 > 0:03:13Oh, actually that's fair.

0:03:13 > 0:03:16That's her. Rachel! Rachel!

0:03:16 > 0:03:17Yoo-hoo!

0:03:17 > 0:03:19It is her. Rachel!

0:03:19 > 0:03:22Oh, my God! Rachel-roo, you look amazing.

0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Guys, did you miss me? - Yes. Do I get another shot?

0:03:25 > 0:03:27Oh, dad joke!

0:03:28 > 0:03:30Well, here he is.

0:03:30 > 0:03:32Sorry?

0:03:32 > 0:03:35It's an honour, Ken, just a great, great honour.

0:03:36 > 0:03:38Hi.

0:03:38 > 0:03:41Dad, this is Cuckoo.

0:03:41 > 0:03:43Did you not get my Facebook message?

0:03:43 > 0:03:46Don't check Facebook, Rach. I'm 45.

0:03:46 > 0:03:50- Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. Sorry, what was your name again? - Cuckoo.

0:03:50 > 0:03:52- Ooh.- And how do you and Rachel know each other?

0:03:52 > 0:03:54She's my spouse.

0:03:54 > 0:03:56I'm sorry?

0:03:56 > 0:03:58Dad...

0:03:58 > 0:04:00I got married!

0:04:02 > 0:04:03HE SIGHS

0:04:03 > 0:04:04Yep.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08Thank you.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10She's beautiful.

0:04:14 > 0:04:18It was a genuine Thai ceremony on the beach,

0:04:18 > 0:04:20with this transcendental sunset.

0:04:20 > 0:04:23All the locals came and danced. They got their thing on!

0:04:23 > 0:04:25There was this big fat forest monk

0:04:25 > 0:04:29with, like, no teeth and a hunchback. He gave me away.

0:04:29 > 0:04:31Oh, great(!)

0:04:31 > 0:04:33Everyone there found my name impossible to pronounce

0:04:33 > 0:04:36so he was like, "Wachel, Wachel."

0:04:36 > 0:04:38"Wachel, Wachel."

0:04:38 > 0:04:40THEY LAUGH

0:04:40 > 0:04:42It was the perfect day.

0:04:43 > 0:04:45I just wish you guys could have made it.

0:04:51 > 0:04:55So, Cuckoo, what line of work are you in?

0:04:55 > 0:04:58Er, well, it's sort of hard to explain, Lorna.

0:04:58 > 0:05:03I suppose you could say part teacher, part visionary,

0:05:03 > 0:05:06part firebrand, part friend.

0:05:06 > 0:05:10Right. And do you get paid for that?

0:05:10 > 0:05:13Oh, I wouldn't accept payment, Ken. That would be...

0:05:13 > 0:05:15That would be weird.

0:05:15 > 0:05:18You know Cuckoo's been travelling for, like, 12 years.

0:05:18 > 0:05:20He's been absolutely everywhere.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22You must have seen a lot.

0:05:22 > 0:05:23You know, I have.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26But, Ken, Lorna,

0:05:26 > 0:05:29would you like to know the longest journey I've ever taken?

0:05:30 > 0:05:32Well, go on, then. Tell us.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35The journey into my mind.

0:05:35 > 0:05:40Yes, it was lonely and perilous, and the only map I had was my own heart.

0:05:40 > 0:05:42- Aw!- Yeah.

0:05:58 > 0:06:00She's married, Ken. She got married!

0:06:00 > 0:06:02We need to stay calm, Lorna.

0:06:02 > 0:06:05He seems like an interesting guy. Maybe it'll be fine.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08You encouraged her to go on that gap year.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10She went away with everything in front of her.

0:06:10 > 0:06:13Now she's wrecked her life and I didn't get to see the wedding.

0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Hey, guys.- Hi, Rachel.- Hi, Rach.

0:06:16 > 0:06:18So, you like him?

0:06:18 > 0:06:20Like him? We love him.

0:06:20 > 0:06:24I mean, we don't even know him yet but I'm sure, in time...

0:06:24 > 0:06:27So we're wondering, um, what are your plans?

0:06:27 > 0:06:29Where are you thinking of living, et cetera?

0:06:29 > 0:06:33- Dylan! You sister's home from Thailand.- Oh, you all right, Rach?

0:06:33 > 0:06:35- See the Amazon? - No, Dylan, I didn't see the Amazon.

0:06:35 > 0:06:39- Missed a trick there, then, didn't you?- I did get married.

0:06:39 > 0:06:40So?

0:06:42 > 0:06:44What, am I supposed to congratulate you?

0:06:44 > 0:06:47Anyone could get married. I could get married. Congratulate me.

0:06:47 > 0:06:49But you didn't get married.

0:06:49 > 0:06:52But I could, so fuck off.

0:06:53 > 0:06:56So, plans?

0:06:56 > 0:06:58Cuckoo and I were thinking we could stay here with you.

0:06:58 > 0:07:01I could switch university, somewhere local.

0:07:01 > 0:07:04Obviously I'm going to have to reapply and then,

0:07:04 > 0:07:06in three years, when I'm qualified,

0:07:06 > 0:07:09we're going to do something like set up a leper colony

0:07:09 > 0:07:12in some violent, war-torn failed state

0:07:12 > 0:07:15where no westerners go because it's, like, too dangerous.

0:07:15 > 0:07:18Well, I'm glad you've thought it through.

0:07:18 > 0:07:20Yay! So that's sorted, then.

0:07:24 > 0:07:26Yeah. I think it's going to be all right, Lorna.

0:07:26 > 0:07:30It's a bit of a shock, a bit sudden, but I think we'll get used to it.

0:07:30 > 0:07:33In fact, I'm starting to feel more relaxed about it already, really.

0:07:33 > 0:07:35I mean, it's fine. It's no biggie.

0:07:35 > 0:07:37- That hurts, Ken.- Hm? - I said that hurts.- What?

0:07:39 > 0:07:40Mmm!

0:07:40 > 0:07:44You know, the fishermen of Phuket have a saying.

0:07:44 > 0:07:47"Once a woman enters her 40s, her food is her lovemaking."

0:07:47 > 0:07:49Very tasty, Lorna.

0:07:49 > 0:07:52Oh, thank you, Cuckoo!

0:07:52 > 0:07:54You're welcome.

0:07:54 > 0:07:55What is this?

0:07:55 > 0:07:57It's lamb noisettes.

0:07:57 > 0:08:01No, what is this?

0:08:02 > 0:08:04It's a jacket potato!

0:08:04 > 0:08:06Jack-et potato?

0:08:06 > 0:08:08Yeah.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10Well, Lorna, I have to say...

0:08:11 > 0:08:13It's fucking delicious!

0:08:13 > 0:08:14Oh, thanks!

0:08:14 > 0:08:17Jack-et potato.

0:08:17 > 0:08:19So, um, what's with the stupid name?

0:08:19 > 0:08:21Dylan!

0:08:21 > 0:08:24Dylan's asking if Cuckoo's your real name.

0:08:24 > 0:08:26You want to know my birth name?

0:08:26 > 0:08:30Well, my birth name is Dale Ashbrick.

0:08:30 > 0:08:32Dale Ashbrick?

0:08:32 > 0:08:35- Actually, kind of a funny story. A few years back...- Oh, not this bit.

0:08:35 > 0:08:39..I was boating on the Moctezuma River with some of these Huichol...

0:08:39 > 0:08:42Cuckoo! Not this bit.

0:08:42 > 0:08:47No, it's fine, your mum and dad are people of the world.

0:08:47 > 0:08:51So I'd just taken a triple dose of the hallucinogen peyote...

0:08:51 > 0:08:52- Are you with me, Ken?- Yes.- Great.

0:08:52 > 0:08:57I'm out on the river and I'm buzzing like a handsaw...

0:08:57 > 0:09:00HE IMITATES HANDSAW

0:09:00 > 0:09:04Like, engine, brain, together, molecules.

0:09:04 > 0:09:07And suddenly, I realised...

0:09:07 > 0:09:10I am not a person.

0:09:10 > 0:09:13I am all people.

0:09:13 > 0:09:16I'm not sure I understand that, Cuckoo.

0:09:16 > 0:09:20I am all people, you know? So I am me, Dale Ashbrick,

0:09:20 > 0:09:22but I'm also you, Lorna,

0:09:22 > 0:09:24and you, Dylan,

0:09:24 > 0:09:27and you, Rachel, my wife,

0:09:27 > 0:09:29and I am you, Ken.

0:09:29 > 0:09:32Well, obviously not literally.

0:09:32 > 0:09:36Hey, I'm not sitting here bullshitting you, Ken!

0:09:36 > 0:09:37I am you

0:09:37 > 0:09:39and I am in you.

0:09:41 > 0:09:42I'm deep...

0:09:43 > 0:09:45..inside you.

0:09:47 > 0:09:48Right there.

0:09:50 > 0:09:53Anyways, once I realised I was all people,

0:09:53 > 0:09:56I decided it didn't matter what my name was.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59Right. Well, if it didn't matter what your name was, why did you bother changing it?

0:09:59 > 0:10:01Well, I guess I was just high!

0:10:05 > 0:10:08Jack-et potato!

0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Ah, lovely.- Here we are.

0:10:12 > 0:10:13A little vino.

0:10:13 > 0:10:15A little wine.

0:10:15 > 0:10:17- There you go, Cuckoo.- Thanks.

0:10:17 > 0:10:21So, Rachel, Cuckoo, I suppose I should say a few words.

0:10:21 > 0:10:26Ooh, actually, Dad, Cuckoo is going to make a toast.

0:10:26 > 0:10:29Yeah, do you mind, Dad?

0:10:29 > 0:10:31- No, please.- Great.

0:10:31 > 0:10:35Could you just...? Everyone have a seat.

0:10:35 > 0:10:38I gave this speech on our wedding day.

0:10:38 > 0:10:41Now I'd like to give it again with clothes on,

0:10:41 > 0:10:44and you, our family, present.

0:10:46 > 0:10:48'Rachel' by Cuckoo.

0:10:50 > 0:10:54What can I say about Rachel,

0:10:54 > 0:10:56your only daughter?

0:10:56 > 0:10:57Rachel is unique,

0:10:57 > 0:10:59she's loving,

0:10:59 > 0:11:01she's enthusiastic,

0:11:01 > 0:11:03she's adventurous,

0:11:03 > 0:11:07always seeking new things,

0:11:07 > 0:11:09new ways of doing things.

0:11:09 > 0:11:14This girl's the kind of girl who says yes to EVERYTHING.

0:11:14 > 0:11:18She's open, welcoming,

0:11:18 > 0:11:20warm inside.

0:11:21 > 0:11:23She can be fiery. Oh, God!

0:11:23 > 0:11:26I mean, sometimes, you cannot hold her down.

0:11:26 > 0:11:28She's frisky,

0:11:28 > 0:11:30never standoffish,

0:11:30 > 0:11:32and finally,

0:11:32 > 0:11:35and most importantly,

0:11:35 > 0:11:37grateful.

0:11:37 > 0:11:39Well, wow!

0:11:39 > 0:11:41Relieved mum right here.

0:11:41 > 0:11:45What?! You like him?

0:11:45 > 0:11:47He may be a little unconventional,

0:11:47 > 0:11:51but he's winning and inspiring and profound.

0:11:51 > 0:11:53We should never have doubted Rachel.

0:11:53 > 0:11:57Oh, that speech! It made me feel 16 again.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59He reminds me of...

0:11:59 > 0:12:02Oh, who's that author I like, Ken?

0:12:02 > 0:12:03Jane Austen.

0:12:03 > 0:12:06Yes. And you remember that book, the one I really liked?

0:12:06 > 0:12:07Pride And Prejudice.

0:12:07 > 0:12:10Yes. Well, there was this one particular character.

0:12:10 > 0:12:13- I confess I had a little bit of a... - Mr Darcy.

0:12:13 > 0:12:16Yes! Yes, Ken.

0:12:16 > 0:12:18Cuckoo reminds me of Mr Darcy.

0:12:20 > 0:12:25See, I didn't really see it that way. I found him a little...vapid.

0:12:25 > 0:12:27Vapid?

0:12:27 > 0:12:29Were we at the same dinner?

0:12:29 > 0:12:31Come on, grumpy.

0:12:31 > 0:12:33You never like anyone at first.

0:12:35 > 0:12:38Maybe I am judging him too quickly.

0:12:38 > 0:12:41- I'll take him out tomorrow morning, we'll have some fun.- Good idea.

0:12:44 > 0:12:47Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:12:47 > 0:12:49HEADBOARDS BANG IN DISTANCE

0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Lorna?- Yes.

0:12:52 > 0:12:53Can you hear that?

0:12:53 > 0:12:55Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:12:55 > 0:12:56Yes.

0:12:56 > 0:12:58Ohhh!

0:12:58 > 0:13:00Oh, God, England!

0:13:00 > 0:13:02Here I come!

0:13:02 > 0:13:03Oh, yes!

0:13:03 > 0:13:06Am I allowed to go and stop them? Is that allowed?

0:13:06 > 0:13:08Come on, Ken, she's married.

0:13:08 > 0:13:09YEAH!

0:13:09 > 0:13:12Remember when you and I were like this?

0:13:12 > 0:13:14I mean, not exactly like this.

0:13:14 > 0:13:17Never lasted anything like this long.

0:13:17 > 0:13:19Goodnight.

0:13:23 > 0:13:25I'll move them to Dylan's room tomorrow.

0:13:25 > 0:13:28I'll buy him something, soften the blow.

0:13:28 > 0:13:31Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

0:13:31 > 0:13:32ARRRGHHH!

0:13:32 > 0:13:35Rachel, you feel so good! Oh, God!

0:13:35 > 0:13:36- Ken?- Yes, love?

0:13:36 > 0:13:40- Do you think he's got a big one? - Please go to sleep.

0:13:40 > 0:13:42ARRRGHHH!

0:13:50 > 0:13:52- We'll be back about four.- All right.

0:13:52 > 0:13:54- Have a good time.- We will.

0:13:54 > 0:13:56Mwah.

0:13:58 > 0:13:59(Good luck.)

0:14:01 > 0:14:03HE SIGHS

0:14:05 > 0:14:07Cuckoo.

0:14:07 > 0:14:11I thought we could take the car out for a drive, see the sights,

0:14:11 > 0:14:14get to know each other. I've brought you a cup of tea.

0:14:18 > 0:14:20Cuckoo. Wakey-wakey.

0:14:24 > 0:14:25Cuckoo.

0:14:28 > 0:14:29- Cuckoo.- GET OUT!

0:14:29 > 0:14:31HE YELLS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

0:14:31 > 0:14:33Get out!

0:14:33 > 0:14:35GET OUT!

0:14:36 > 0:14:38Oh!

0:14:41 > 0:14:43(What did you do?)

0:14:44 > 0:14:47Ken, I am so embarrassed about what happened.

0:14:47 > 0:14:50I'm always like that when I'm woken, you know,

0:14:50 > 0:14:52cranky.

0:14:52 > 0:14:54Cuckoo, it's water under the bridge.

0:14:55 > 0:14:58I'm just not an early morning type of person, you know?

0:14:58 > 0:15:03I think it's because I have so many profound thoughts that my brain needs time to regenerate.

0:15:06 > 0:15:09My late father used to bring me up here, you know, in the '80s.

0:15:09 > 0:15:14He was old school left, you know, proper Black Country.

0:15:14 > 0:15:18Me, I was one of those new romantics.

0:15:18 > 0:15:19Surprised you, huh?

0:15:19 > 0:15:23Yeah, I had it all, the long hair, painted fingernails.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25Can I stop you there, Ken?

0:15:25 > 0:15:27You're not holding my attention.

0:15:29 > 0:15:32Oh.

0:15:32 > 0:15:35I just meant it's very beautiful up here, isn't it? I mean...

0:15:35 > 0:15:37I've done a lot of thinking up here.

0:15:37 > 0:15:40Yeah, I guess it's just a question of perspective, though, right?

0:15:40 > 0:15:44Because when you've spent two months yak-tracking through the Himalayas,

0:15:44 > 0:15:46places like this just look a bit...shit.

0:15:48 > 0:15:49You know?

0:15:50 > 0:15:53Anyway, just one guy's opinion.

0:15:59 > 0:16:03It is just beautiful. I keep pinching myself.

0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Thanks, Mum. - You've thanked me already, Dilly.

0:16:06 > 0:16:09I know, but I'm just always so locked up in my head

0:16:09 > 0:16:11with all these thoughts of existence and shit,

0:16:11 > 0:16:15and you still look after me and give me cool stuff.

0:16:15 > 0:16:16I really love you, Mum.

0:16:16 > 0:16:20You silly, Dilly, woo-woo.

0:16:21 > 0:16:25- I need you and Rachel to swap rooms. - You're fucking shitting me?

0:16:25 > 0:16:27It's only a room, Dylan.

0:16:27 > 0:16:30It's my room. I've worked on it. It's got ambience.

0:16:30 > 0:16:32Is ambience a new word for smells of wank?

0:16:32 > 0:16:35I don't wank. I don't.

0:16:35 > 0:16:37Mum, I have never wanked.

0:16:37 > 0:16:40Of course you haven't, Dilly.

0:16:40 > 0:16:43Do it for me. Do it for your Mum-Mum.

0:16:48 > 0:16:50Rachel mentions you're writing a book.

0:16:50 > 0:16:52Mm, about my political philosophies, yeah.

0:16:52 > 0:16:55It's going to be the most important book of the 21st century.

0:16:55 > 0:16:58- Is it?- Yeah, I just need a little bit more time.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01I figure I'll stay with you guys for a couple of years,

0:17:01 > 0:17:05make sure I get enough sleep, keep my brain strong.

0:17:05 > 0:17:07I'll get there.

0:17:07 > 0:17:08Right.

0:17:08 > 0:17:12But obviously you can't expect to stay with us indefinitely, so...

0:17:12 > 0:17:15No. Kenderson, may I call you Kenderson?

0:17:15 > 0:17:16No.

0:17:16 > 0:17:18Ken, I'm a great believer in society.

0:17:18 > 0:17:21- So am I.- Oh, great. Awesome.

0:17:21 > 0:17:25So, in the most basic human societies, you would have hunters,

0:17:25 > 0:17:28you know, people like you, guys that were good at the simple stuff.

0:17:28 > 0:17:32You know, there - food, there - money, go get. Urgh! You know?

0:17:32 > 0:17:36But then, at the same time, you would have the thinkers, you know?

0:17:36 > 0:17:40They weren't good at hunting, just like I'm not good at jobs,

0:17:40 > 0:17:43but they would eat the food provided by the hunters

0:17:43 > 0:17:47and in exchange they would think up a lot of really cool stuff

0:17:47 > 0:17:48for the future and shit.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50And that's me, Ken.

0:17:52 > 0:17:53Thinker.

0:17:55 > 0:17:57Hunter.

0:17:57 > 0:17:59Hunter.

0:18:00 > 0:18:02Thinker.

0:18:03 > 0:18:05Yeah?

0:18:05 > 0:18:06Right.

0:18:07 > 0:18:10I'm going to have to pick you up on a few things.

0:18:10 > 0:18:12Like what?

0:18:14 > 0:18:15Hello-oh!

0:18:15 > 0:18:18Did you have a good time? Oh, you love him, don't you?

0:18:23 > 0:18:25It went bad.

0:18:29 > 0:18:31What's wrong, Ken?

0:18:31 > 0:18:32Nothing's wrong. I'm fine.

0:18:32 > 0:18:36I just want to spend some time on my bed relaxing.

0:18:38 > 0:18:40No, I can tell something's wrong.

0:18:40 > 0:18:43He refuses to work, Lorna.

0:18:43 > 0:18:45Who? Cuckoo?

0:18:45 > 0:18:48- Of course, Cuckoo. Who else would I mean?- Mr Dunn from the office.

0:18:48 > 0:18:50Mr Dunn? What?

0:18:50 > 0:18:53You're always complaining about him.

0:18:53 > 0:18:56Dunn Nothing - that's what you call him.

0:18:56 > 0:18:58KNOCK ON DOOR

0:18:58 > 0:19:00It's Rachel, I'm coming in.

0:19:00 > 0:19:02I think your father would like a bit of privacy.

0:19:05 > 0:19:07Did you tell Cuckoo he had to get a job?

0:19:07 > 0:19:08- No.- No!

0:19:08 > 0:19:11- Well, yes.- Yes, he did.

0:19:11 > 0:19:14- You weren't even there, Lorna. - I wasn't there. Don't blame me.

0:19:14 > 0:19:18Dad, you have got no right to interfere in my life like that.

0:19:18 > 0:19:20- Interfere?- Yes, interfere.

0:19:23 > 0:19:26You have brought a man I have never met before into my house.

0:19:26 > 0:19:27He's never going to leave.

0:19:27 > 0:19:29He expects me to pay his way.

0:19:29 > 0:19:32By comparison with that, what I did is not interfering.

0:19:32 > 0:19:35It is like a gentle grope.

0:19:35 > 0:19:38Or, if what I have done is interfering,

0:19:38 > 0:19:40then what you have done is like...

0:19:42 > 0:19:43..a rape.

0:19:45 > 0:19:48You have raped your mother and me.

0:19:50 > 0:19:53Rachel, ignore your father. You haven't raped me.

0:19:55 > 0:19:58OK, then, you don't have to worry about Cuckoo paying our way

0:19:58 > 0:20:02- because I'm going to get a job.- You can't. You're going to university.

0:20:02 > 0:20:05Well, obviously not. You need somebody to pay the rent.

0:20:05 > 0:20:08Cuckoo needs to concentrate on his book, so it has to be me.

0:20:08 > 0:20:10Oh, don't be stupid! You don't have to pay the rent.

0:20:10 > 0:20:13Oh, even better! I can put some money aside,

0:20:13 > 0:20:16and Cuckoo and I can get a place of our own, away from you.

0:20:29 > 0:20:32I don't know, Rach. I mean, maybe your dad's right.

0:20:32 > 0:20:36In a lot of ways, all I've ever really done is travel and party.

0:20:36 > 0:20:40I mean, maybe it's arrogant to think I can just write a book

0:20:40 > 0:20:42and solve all the world's problems.

0:20:42 > 0:20:46Baby, I don't want you ever thinking like that.

0:20:46 > 0:20:47You're a genius.

0:20:49 > 0:20:50HE SIGHS

0:20:50 > 0:20:51I know.

0:20:51 > 0:20:53I know.

0:21:09 > 0:21:11I tried my new room. I don't like it.

0:21:11 > 0:21:14Give it a bit longer than two hours, eh, Dylan?

0:21:14 > 0:21:17Ken, why are you sitting in the dark?

0:21:17 > 0:21:20This Cuckoo guy is ruining everything.

0:21:20 > 0:21:22Why can't we just pay him off, send him back to Thailand?

0:21:22 > 0:21:26Dylan, he's Rachel's husband and we all love him.

0:21:26 > 0:21:27Why does he want to be here anyway,

0:21:27 > 0:21:30living with you two and married to Rachel who,

0:21:30 > 0:21:32I don't want to be rude, is a massive dog?

0:21:32 > 0:21:36Just give him some money and he'll be out of here. I would be.

0:21:36 > 0:21:39I'm going to pretend you never said that. Cuckoo's family now.

0:21:39 > 0:21:43This is the man who will father our grandchildren,

0:21:43 > 0:21:45be there for us in our old age,

0:21:45 > 0:21:47carry your father's coffin.

0:21:47 > 0:21:50- Tell him, Ken. Ken!- What?

0:21:51 > 0:21:54Yes, Dylan, it's an absurd idea.

0:22:06 > 0:22:07Anyone home?

0:22:09 > 0:22:11Hello?

0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Cuckoo.- Hey, Ken! Come here, come here.

0:22:15 > 0:22:17Sit, sit.

0:22:18 > 0:22:19- It's whale music.- Oh.

0:22:19 > 0:22:21Um...

0:22:21 > 0:22:23Wait, wait. Wait.

0:22:23 > 0:22:24Ah!

0:22:27 > 0:22:28I love that part.

0:22:28 > 0:22:30HE CHUCKLES

0:22:30 > 0:22:32What's up?

0:22:32 > 0:22:35OK. So I was thinking about our conversation yesterday.

0:22:35 > 0:22:38Yes. We argued,

0:22:38 > 0:22:42and in that white heat of emotion, we discovered a bond.

0:22:42 > 0:22:44Did we know each other in a previous life Ken?

0:22:44 > 0:22:46- I don't think so.- I wonder.

0:22:46 > 0:22:48Maybe we were brothers.

0:22:48 > 0:22:52You were small, weak, frightened by everything,

0:22:52 > 0:22:56but I was strong. I saved your life.

0:22:58 > 0:23:00Many times.

0:23:00 > 0:23:02So about yesterday -

0:23:02 > 0:23:08I came away thinking that your world and my world are different places.

0:23:08 > 0:23:10So different, yeah.

0:23:10 > 0:23:12But in my world,

0:23:13 > 0:23:17very different from yours, Rachel had really good prospects.

0:23:17 > 0:23:21She was going to Bristol University, which she worked really hard for.

0:23:21 > 0:23:23Ken, I love Rachel very much.

0:23:23 > 0:23:25And then I thought about you.

0:23:27 > 0:23:29You must miss Thailand.

0:23:29 > 0:23:31- Sometimes.- Yeah!

0:23:31 > 0:23:35Cooped up in this house, far away from your home,

0:23:35 > 0:23:41and then I thought maybe if you had some money things would be different.

0:23:41 > 0:23:46You'd be able to go your own way and Rachel - maybe she'd be happier, too.

0:23:48 > 0:23:52Do we, um, understand each other?

0:23:53 > 0:23:55I think we do.

0:23:57 > 0:23:58So...

0:24:01 > 0:24:05Oh, Ken, I-I don't think I can take this.

0:24:05 > 0:24:08She needs a guy who can support her.

0:24:08 > 0:24:11You feel bad about this now,

0:24:11 > 0:24:15but if you really love her, Cuckoo, you'll make the sacrifice.

0:24:17 > 0:24:22Just take the money, walk out of that door, it's as simple as that.

0:24:27 > 0:24:29Goodbye, Cuckoo.

0:24:47 > 0:24:50'Rach, there's no easy way for me to say this.'

0:24:50 > 0:24:53Cuckoo told me this morning that he was considering...

0:24:53 > 0:24:54What?

0:24:54 > 0:24:58..leaving you, going back to Thailand without you.

0:24:59 > 0:25:00No.

0:25:00 > 0:25:05Yeah. He, he told me he could never feel at home here.

0:25:05 > 0:25:07He told me to tell you that he loved you,

0:25:07 > 0:25:10but that being with him wasn't your path.

0:25:11 > 0:25:15He said he wanted you to go to university, set yourself up,

0:25:15 > 0:25:18marry someone nice, maybe a doctor or a lawyer,

0:25:18 > 0:25:20someone with a steady income.

0:25:21 > 0:25:22Maybe a Villa supporter.

0:25:23 > 0:25:25Cuckoo said that?

0:25:25 > 0:25:29I don't know. It was something like that. I...

0:25:29 > 0:25:32I was just so emotional at the time, it was so sad to see him go.

0:25:41 > 0:25:43Is that a bonfire in the garden?

0:25:43 > 0:25:48Cuckoo left some of his stuff. I couldn't leave it hanging around. Rachel would find it too painful.

0:25:48 > 0:25:51- You'll be all right, love.- I won't.

0:25:51 > 0:25:53- You will.- I won't!

0:25:53 > 0:25:55- DYLAN:- She might not be.- Dylan!

0:25:55 > 0:25:58What? I'm just saying, she's been married now. Kind of used goods.

0:25:58 > 0:26:01If we lived in a Muslim state, we'd probably have to stone her.

0:26:01 > 0:26:03SHE SOBS

0:26:03 > 0:26:07Rachel, however much you love Cuckoo,

0:26:07 > 0:26:10your mum and I love you just as much.

0:26:10 > 0:26:15You'll get through this because I will do anything, anything,

0:26:15 > 0:26:18to make you happy,

0:26:18 > 0:26:20in the long run.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23Thanks, Dad.

0:26:29 > 0:26:30HORN BEEPS

0:26:40 > 0:26:44Cuckoo, what's going on? I thought we had a deal.

0:26:44 > 0:26:46We did, and here it is!

0:26:46 > 0:26:48You likey?

0:26:48 > 0:26:50Cuckoo!

0:26:50 > 0:26:52You're back!

0:26:52 > 0:26:55God! Where have you been?

0:26:56 > 0:26:59Rach, your dad was right.

0:26:59 > 0:27:02If I'm not willing to support you, I don't deserve you.

0:27:02 > 0:27:05What's this?

0:27:05 > 0:27:08It's a jack-et potato van.

0:27:08 > 0:27:10I mean, who knew?

0:27:10 > 0:27:13Apparently you can sell them out of a van. It's perfect!

0:27:13 > 0:27:14You're going to sell jacket potatoes?

0:27:14 > 0:27:16Yes.

0:27:16 > 0:27:20That is, Lorna, if you'd honour me with the recipe?

0:27:20 > 0:27:21Yes, of course!

0:27:21 > 0:27:24Great. Then it's settled!

0:27:24 > 0:27:26Only cost me 10,000 squids.

0:27:26 > 0:27:29£10,000?

0:27:29 > 0:27:31I know. A steal, right?

0:27:31 > 0:27:33Cuckoo, where did you get the money?

0:27:33 > 0:27:36- Dad gave it to me.- Dad?!

0:27:36 > 0:27:39You gave Cuckoo £10,000 to set up a business?

0:27:39 > 0:27:42Yes. Surprise!

0:27:42 > 0:27:44(£10,000, Ken?)

0:27:45 > 0:27:47Yes.

0:27:47 > 0:27:49Because...I was saying

0:27:49 > 0:27:52that he didn't have a job and so...

0:27:52 > 0:27:56Well, why did you tell me he'd gone back to Thailand?

0:27:56 > 0:27:58- And why did you burn all his stuff? - You burnt my stuff, Ken?

0:28:00 > 0:28:01Why would you do that?

0:28:07 > 0:28:11To...make it an even bigger surprise!

0:28:13 > 0:28:16You should see your faces!

0:28:16 > 0:28:19It's all worked out exactly as I planned.

0:28:19 > 0:28:21Oh!

0:28:22 > 0:28:24- Oh!- You funny man.

0:28:24 > 0:28:28Yeah! Well, come on, let's get inside.

0:28:28 > 0:28:29LAUGHTER

0:28:29 > 0:28:31KEN SIGHS

0:28:31 > 0:28:34Well, it's me and you, Ken.

0:28:37 > 0:28:39Burnt my stuff!?

0:29:03 > 0:29:06Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd