Ken on E

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.

0:00:04 > 0:00:08So, Nina, to sum up, just because I like conservation,

0:00:08 > 0:00:09it does not mean I'm a Conservative.

0:00:09 > 0:00:12Wow, Ken, that was, er, thorough.

0:00:12 > 0:00:14Nina is going to be really, really impressed.

0:00:14 > 0:00:16Funny enough on the last question?

0:00:16 > 0:00:19God, yeah. Yeah.

0:00:19 > 0:00:22- Ask me another one. - Oh, Ken, I think you're all set.

0:00:22 > 0:00:25Come on, Lorna! If I'm going to ace this interview

0:00:25 > 0:00:26I need to be across all the issues.

0:00:26 > 0:00:32- Oh, God. Er... - Oh, I get it, you're bored.

0:00:32 > 0:00:38Ken, no. No, you make local politics...sing.

0:00:38 > 0:00:39And that is why you are going to make

0:00:39 > 0:00:42a phenomenal Lib Dem local councillor.

0:00:44 > 0:00:45Ken's going to be a politician.

0:00:45 > 0:00:47You know, I've always taken an interest.

0:00:47 > 0:00:48That's funny, cos every time

0:00:48 > 0:00:50I bring it up to you, you kind of just glaze over.

0:00:50 > 0:00:54Oh, by the way, I borrowed some of your suit pants.

0:00:54 > 0:00:55Oh no.

0:00:55 > 0:00:58Yeah, kind of had a laundry crisis. And, Ken,

0:00:58 > 0:01:01in the interest of full disclosure, I am full-on commando under these.

0:01:01 > 0:01:05I tell you what, Cuckoo, why don't you take over here?

0:01:05 > 0:01:06What are you doing?

0:01:06 > 0:01:10It'll be good for you to perform to a young and informed audience.

0:01:10 > 0:01:12Full marks from me though, bye.

0:01:13 > 0:01:15OK.

0:01:22 > 0:01:24What's your take on parking policy?

0:01:30 > 0:01:35Well, Nina, if you'll pardon my French,

0:01:35 > 0:01:38I think it's a ruddy shambles.

0:01:38 > 0:01:42Just the other day I saw a statistic, I think it was 45% of cars

0:01:42 > 0:01:45stop for five minutes or less in the high street...

0:01:45 > 0:01:47OK, Ken, can I just stop you there?

0:01:47 > 0:01:50I don't mean to sound too harsh, but that was fucking dog shit.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52You didn't connect in any way.

0:01:52 > 0:01:55I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you need to cancel your meeting.

0:01:55 > 0:01:57You're not ready.

0:01:57 > 0:01:59Right. I think the news is on.

0:01:59 > 0:02:01No, no, no! Don't you dare! Stop, stop, stop, stop!

0:02:01 > 0:02:03- What is your name? - Get out of my way, Cuckoo.

0:02:03 > 0:02:05What is your name?

0:02:05 > 0:02:06My name is Ken.

0:02:06 > 0:02:09- Ken what? Ken Banana, is it Ken Banana?- Ken Thompson.

0:02:09 > 0:02:14Ah! Ken Thompson, correct. Do you, Ken Thompson, love Litchfield?

0:02:14 > 0:02:15Well, I suppose, I...

0:02:15 > 0:02:18It's a simple question! Do you love this town?

0:02:18 > 0:02:20- Yes or no? Yes or no?- Yes!

0:02:20 > 0:02:24Aha! You see that. You just got my vote.

0:02:24 > 0:02:26Leadership is so simple, Ken.

0:02:26 > 0:02:30All you have to do is be open to people, love, never judge

0:02:30 > 0:02:34and if you do all that, people may finally respond to you.

0:02:36 > 0:02:40Am I being too preachy? I am, right? I'm being too preachy.

0:02:40 > 0:02:44Mum. I might be being paranoid, but I sometimes worry that Cuckoo

0:02:44 > 0:02:45and dad don't get on.

0:02:45 > 0:02:47What? No.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50You know, they never spend any quality time together.

0:02:50 > 0:02:55Well, the thing about your dad is, Rach, he can be very shy.

0:02:55 > 0:02:57Sometimes he just needs a little pushing.

0:02:57 > 0:02:59Mum, are you scheming?

0:03:04 > 0:03:08Are you coming to the party on Saturday? Did she invite you?

0:03:08 > 0:03:10- Um, yeah?- She didn't.

0:03:10 > 0:03:12OK, you can come with me as long as you get pills.

0:03:12 > 0:03:14Brilliant! Pills?

0:03:14 > 0:03:17Oh, well, I'd do it myself, but my parents are watching me

0:03:17 > 0:03:18at the moment, so...

0:03:18 > 0:03:21Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, no problem.

0:03:21 > 0:03:24It might be a bit hard because, er,

0:03:24 > 0:03:26my dealer got hit in a gangland shooting.

0:03:26 > 0:03:27Who's your dealer?

0:03:27 > 0:03:30His name's Tony Montana. He lives in Stourbridge.

0:03:30 > 0:03:33He's Cuban. Very nice. But he's stubborn.

0:03:33 > 0:03:37- I've got one. I'll text you his number.- Yeah, all right.

0:03:41 > 0:03:44Sleazing on my girl? Not cool, Thompson.

0:03:44 > 0:03:47Look, Neil, Zoe dumped you.

0:03:47 > 0:03:48She's my family friend,

0:03:48 > 0:03:51and I actually bagsied her when I was four.

0:03:51 > 0:03:53So, when you look at it like that, you're actually

0:03:53 > 0:03:56out of order for going out with her in the first place.

0:04:03 > 0:04:07BOYS: Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!

0:04:10 > 0:04:14Nina! So good to see you.

0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Aw.- Long time no see.- Yeah!

0:04:16 > 0:04:18How have you been since...you know?

0:04:18 > 0:04:22- We got back together.- No!- Yes! - That's great.

0:04:22 > 0:04:24We just realised that we loved each other

0:04:24 > 0:04:25and so now it's just him and me

0:04:25 > 0:04:27and our kid and our love kid, and it's a bit like,

0:04:27 > 0:04:30"Oh, why did we let everything get so complicated before?"

0:04:30 > 0:04:33Wow. That sounds absolutely crazy!

0:04:33 > 0:04:34Yeah.

0:04:34 > 0:04:36Tell that to Rupert Murdoch.

0:04:38 > 0:04:41Oh! I didn't know you were so funny.

0:04:41 > 0:04:43Well...yes.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46And intelligent and presentable, even rather dashing.

0:04:46 > 0:04:48Stop it.

0:04:48 > 0:04:51- Although you should do something about the belly.- All right.

0:04:51 > 0:04:53Anyway, it all looks very promising.

0:04:53 > 0:04:55I mean, you should see some of the other candidates.

0:04:55 > 0:04:58Oh really? Oh dear. Are they...?

0:05:00 > 0:05:02So, um, I shouldn't really say this,

0:05:02 > 0:05:05but the committee will go with my recommendations,

0:05:05 > 0:05:07and so I think you've pretty much got it in the bag.

0:05:07 > 0:05:09Nina, thank you.

0:05:09 > 0:05:11So I'll follow through...

0:05:11 > 0:05:13PHONE RINGS

0:05:13 > 0:05:16Oh! Sorry, um, oh, one sec.

0:05:16 > 0:05:17No problem.

0:05:20 > 0:05:22Get it in.

0:05:32 > 0:05:35I'm sorry, Ken, I've got to go - some little thug at school's

0:05:35 > 0:05:37attacked my son Neil.

0:05:37 > 0:05:42Oh, Nina, that's awful. Kids these days. How old is Neil?

0:05:42 > 0:05:43He's 16.

0:05:43 > 0:05:46I can so relate, my Dylan's 16

0:05:46 > 0:05:48and if someone did something like that to him...

0:05:48 > 0:05:49Mr Thompson...

0:05:49 > 0:05:51- Not now, Jefali.- It's just, the school just called.

0:05:51 > 0:05:53Your son Dylan's been in a fight.

0:05:53 > 0:05:55- He's what?- A fight!

0:06:00 > 0:06:03So, Dylan, we should hear your side of the story.

0:06:03 > 0:06:07Yeah, no problem. Basically, Neil was being a massive twat.

0:06:07 > 0:06:09Turns out he's not as hard as he makes out and I battered him.

0:06:09 > 0:06:11- Shut up, Dylan. - I did, Dad, I really whooped him!

0:06:11 > 0:06:14- Oh, God. - I handed him his arse on a plate.

0:06:14 > 0:06:16Dylan, I am very disappointed in you.

0:06:16 > 0:06:18There is no excuse for fighting in school.

0:06:18 > 0:06:23Although, we as parents must understand, these things do happen.

0:06:23 > 0:06:25Boys fight, it's only natural.

0:06:25 > 0:06:27You think violence is natural?

0:06:27 > 0:06:30No, Nina, that's why I said it was unnatural.

0:06:30 > 0:06:32What is wrong with you, you little freak?

0:06:32 > 0:06:36- Neil started it.- Shut up, Dylan! You are grounded for...

0:06:36 > 0:06:37four years.

0:06:37 > 0:06:39But I go to uni in two years.

0:06:39 > 0:06:41Not any more, you're that grounded.

0:06:41 > 0:06:43Ken, that's a bit extreme.

0:06:43 > 0:06:46You're right. Dylan, I went too far. You're no longer grounded.

0:06:46 > 0:06:48But he should be punished.

0:06:48 > 0:06:54Yeah! And he will be. You, Dylan, are...

0:06:54 > 0:06:57Oh, I don't know. Grounded for a month?

0:06:57 > 0:06:59Grounded for a month, buster.

0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Oh.- Suck on that.

0:07:01 > 0:07:05Excellent. Right, um, well, I think we're all done here.

0:07:05 > 0:07:07- Ken. Thank you, Nina. - Thank you, James.

0:07:07 > 0:07:10Nina? I'll walk you to the car.

0:07:10 > 0:07:13Ken. This whole councillor thing, we would be

0:07:13 > 0:07:17working very closely together and this does make it awkward.

0:07:17 > 0:07:19It's not awkward!

0:07:19 > 0:07:21Come on, Nina, this will just be a story

0:07:21 > 0:07:24we tell about how one of our sons kicked and punched the other,

0:07:24 > 0:07:27and we all laughed about it afterwards.

0:07:27 > 0:07:31Perhaps I was a bit hasty in offering you the position outright.

0:07:32 > 0:07:33Come on Neil, come on.

0:07:35 > 0:07:37Um...

0:07:37 > 0:07:39Am I seriously grounded?

0:07:39 > 0:07:41No, we're not American.

0:07:43 > 0:07:46PHONE RINGS

0:07:47 > 0:07:49- Answer it, Dylan. - Nah. Can't be bothered.

0:07:51 > 0:07:52I'll answer it.

0:07:55 > 0:07:59Hello? Oh, hi, it's you.

0:07:59 > 0:08:05Um, I can't, I can't talk right now so... Right, OK.

0:08:05 > 0:08:07I heard that you were selling PlayStation games,

0:08:07 > 0:08:11and I'd quite like to get some urgently for Saturday night.

0:08:12 > 0:08:16Not the expensive, arrogant PlayStation games,

0:08:16 > 0:08:20more the kind of fun, "Whoo, this music's great, loving everyone,"

0:08:20 > 0:08:22kind of PlayStation game.

0:08:22 > 0:08:27You with me? Brilliant, I'll get them tomorrow. Safe.

0:08:29 > 0:08:30He sells PlayStation games.

0:08:33 > 0:08:34Oh, my back is killing me.

0:08:34 > 0:08:38I'll ask Steve to drop off some of those prescription painkillers for you.

0:08:38 > 0:08:40Dylan told us what happened with Nina.

0:08:40 > 0:08:42Well, what can you do, Lorna?

0:08:42 > 0:08:43Fate gives with the one hand,

0:08:43 > 0:08:46and with the other hand pops his fingers into your backside,

0:08:46 > 0:08:49pulls your intestines out and douses them with acid.

0:08:49 > 0:08:51Oh!

0:08:51 > 0:08:54Oh, Kenneth Brannagh, I feel so horrible for you.

0:08:54 > 0:08:57Just so tired of being right all the time.

0:08:57 > 0:09:01OK. Number one, I've asked you never to massage me.

0:09:01 > 0:09:03Not true.

0:09:03 > 0:09:05Number two. You weren't right, I aced the interview.

0:09:05 > 0:09:07Hey, I'm not trying to be controversial here.

0:09:07 > 0:09:10But if you had taken my advice you wouldn't be suffering

0:09:10 > 0:09:12this abject humiliation.

0:09:12 > 0:09:14It was just bad luck, that's all.

0:09:14 > 0:09:18- Bad luck? Or bad judgment.- Oh.

0:09:18 > 0:09:20I told you you weren't ready, and I was right.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22- Oh, get fucked.- Hey!

0:09:22 > 0:09:23- Dad!- Ken!

0:09:23 > 0:09:25Well!

0:09:25 > 0:09:31Look. Ken, please understand, I'm not trying to embarrass you.

0:09:31 > 0:09:37I'm embarrassed FOR you. Do you see the difference?

0:09:37 > 0:09:39Yeah. Right, I'm going to read my book.

0:09:39 > 0:09:46Wait, Ken. Ken! Your negativity is causing you pain, Ken.

0:09:50 > 0:09:52Oh, love, there's no need to take it out on Cuckoo.

0:09:52 > 0:09:56Well, I feel bad enough without his torrents of Karmic drivel.

0:09:56 > 0:09:59You've made Rachel paranoid that the two of you don't get on.

0:09:59 > 0:10:02Oh, wow, mad, I'm worried about her.

0:10:04 > 0:10:07All right, I shouldn't have snapped but... Just keep him

0:10:07 > 0:10:11- away from me for a couple of days, will you?- Yeah.

0:10:12 > 0:10:14I've arranged a girls' night for me

0:10:14 > 0:10:17and Rach, to give you and Cuckoo time to bond.

0:10:17 > 0:10:18You've done what?

0:10:18 > 0:10:19Rachel and I are going to Connie's.

0:10:19 > 0:10:23You and Cuckoo are going to have a lovely time together, just the two of you.

0:10:23 > 0:10:27- And you're going to bond. And reassure your daughter.- Oh.

0:10:27 > 0:10:30- What, is that your back again?- No.

0:10:41 > 0:10:44Hey! Dad! I thought you went shopping.

0:10:44 > 0:10:46- Those Steve's painkillers? - What?

0:10:46 > 0:10:49- The tablets in your hand. - There aren't any tablets in my hand.

0:10:49 > 0:10:51Yes, there are! Open your hand.

0:10:52 > 0:10:55Are those the pills that Steve dropped round?

0:10:55 > 0:10:57- No.- Then what are they?

0:10:59 > 0:11:03Oh, these, these are the pills that Steve dropped round for you.

0:11:03 > 0:11:04Right. Thank you.

0:11:10 > 0:11:13- Where's Dad?- Hi, Rach.

0:11:13 > 0:11:16Oh, is your back still bad? Have you taken the painkillers?

0:11:16 > 0:11:18You have to take them with food.

0:11:18 > 0:11:20Lorna, watch, watch! Don't step on me!

0:11:20 > 0:11:23I am not going to step on you!

0:11:23 > 0:11:24Ow! Lorna.

0:11:24 > 0:11:27It was an accident. Honestly, he is such a grumpy pants.

0:11:27 > 0:11:29I'm entitled to be grumpy,

0:11:29 > 0:11:31the forces of destiny are amassed against me.

0:11:31 > 0:11:34Aw. Well, Cuckoo will cheer you up.

0:11:34 > 0:11:38- He's got sick plans for you two tonight.- He must shelve them.

0:11:38 > 0:11:42Dad. Please just try and make an effort.

0:11:42 > 0:11:43How do you put up with him?

0:11:43 > 0:11:46I ask myself that every day.

0:11:46 > 0:11:47Ow!

0:11:50 > 0:11:52See you later, love.

0:11:52 > 0:11:53- Bye, Dad.- Bye, bye.

0:11:53 > 0:11:55Now, remember what I said.

0:11:59 > 0:12:02I thought we could start by exploring your Mayan calendar.

0:12:08 > 0:12:11- God, I hope they're getting on. - They'll have a great time.

0:12:11 > 0:12:15And we are going to let our hair down and listen to Madonna,

0:12:15 > 0:12:18and have a wild and crazy night.

0:12:18 > 0:12:20Yeah.

0:12:20 > 0:12:21Ready to party?

0:12:21 > 0:12:26Whoo! Girls' night. Just the girls having fun together.

0:12:26 > 0:12:28Guess who came back from university today?

0:12:29 > 0:12:30What's up, Lorna?

0:12:30 > 0:12:33It's my Zeb! Isn't this a surprise, Rachel?

0:12:33 > 0:12:35Hey, Rach.

0:12:35 > 0:12:36Zeb.

0:12:36 > 0:12:38Well, go on, Zeb, give Rachel a kiss hello,

0:12:38 > 0:12:41you haven't seen her for half a year.

0:12:41 > 0:12:44Grown so tall, hasn't he, Rachel? Like a strong oak.

0:12:57 > 0:12:58KNOCKING

0:12:58 > 0:13:00- I'm reading!- I made dinner.

0:13:00 > 0:13:03I'll come and get mine later.

0:13:06 > 0:13:10Ken. I just slaved away over this beautiful repast.

0:13:10 > 0:13:13Now come enjoy it with me.

0:13:17 > 0:13:18How great is this? Right?

0:13:18 > 0:13:23Just the two of us, I mean, how often does this happen?

0:13:23 > 0:13:24Not often, no.

0:13:24 > 0:13:26So let's get to know each other, Ken.

0:13:26 > 0:13:28I mean, what were you like as a kid?

0:13:28 > 0:13:30I bet you were really mischievous, right?

0:13:30 > 0:13:31Not especially, no.

0:13:31 > 0:13:33Oh.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35Well, finished. That was delicious,

0:13:35 > 0:13:37- thank you so much.- Wait, Ken, Ken.

0:13:37 > 0:13:42Come on, I mean, we're supposed to be bonding here.

0:13:42 > 0:13:45Let's confide in each other, really expose ourselves.

0:13:45 > 0:13:48Oh, I'd love to. Thing is, though, Cuckoo, my back's agony

0:13:48 > 0:13:50so I'll probably just go to my bedroom.

0:13:50 > 0:13:54You stay here and chill out, man. Relax.

0:13:56 > 0:13:58On your own. Oh!

0:14:05 > 0:14:06HE SIGHS

0:14:09 > 0:14:12MUSIC PLAYS: TRIBAL DRUMBEAT INTRO

0:14:15 > 0:14:19ELECTRO BEAT, ACOUSTIC GUITAR

0:14:27 > 0:14:29PSYCHEDELIC STRINGS

0:14:42 > 0:14:44# Shake

0:14:44 > 0:14:46# Shake

0:14:54 > 0:14:55Cuckoo.

0:14:55 > 0:14:57Did you spike our meal?

0:14:57 > 0:14:59I did not.

0:14:59 > 0:15:01I promised Rach I'd stay away from all Class As

0:15:01 > 0:15:03until I got my permanent visa.

0:15:03 > 0:15:05Well...

0:15:05 > 0:15:06I feel sort of high.

0:15:06 > 0:15:10You look kind of high, Ken. What did you take?

0:15:10 > 0:15:11Just the painkillers.

0:15:17 > 0:15:18Oh, yeah.

0:15:18 > 0:15:20That's MDMA.

0:15:20 > 0:15:21No!

0:15:21 > 0:15:23It's good, too.

0:15:23 > 0:15:25- Good stuff?- Dutch.

0:15:25 > 0:15:29- Yeah, they've got these sweet labs at Hoogezand-Sappemeer.- Oh.

0:15:29 > 0:15:33- Whoo! Check out that aftertaste. Head is going!- Nice, yeah?

0:15:33 > 0:15:36And going. And going down smooth.

0:15:36 > 0:15:39Oh, Ken, we are in for a big one.

0:15:39 > 0:15:41I'm just going to grab this second guy.

0:15:41 > 0:15:45Oh, but Cuckoo, I haven't been high since Thatcher went out.

0:15:45 > 0:15:48Must've been Dylan. Dylan!

0:15:48 > 0:15:50Hmm. That's weird.

0:15:50 > 0:15:53I feel no anger whatsoever.

0:15:53 > 0:15:54Ken Bingsley, just relax,

0:15:54 > 0:15:57because we are about to go on a beautiful journey together

0:15:57 > 0:15:59and everything's going to be fine.

0:15:59 > 0:16:01Promise me one thing, Cuckoo.

0:16:01 > 0:16:02Whatever happens,

0:16:02 > 0:16:05we have to make sure we don't do anything stupid.

0:16:05 > 0:16:07I can't make you that promise.

0:16:07 > 0:16:09And I don't care!

0:16:11 > 0:16:12Oh! Hello.

0:16:13 > 0:16:16And so...

0:16:16 > 0:16:17it begins!

0:16:17 > 0:16:20I'm quite frightened!

0:16:23 > 0:16:25DOORBELL RINGS

0:16:30 > 0:16:32Steve!

0:16:32 > 0:16:35Lorna's out. Cuckoo's been giving me a lovely massage.

0:16:35 > 0:16:38Here are those painkillers.

0:16:38 > 0:16:39Oh, thanks!

0:16:40 > 0:16:42Hey, it's Steve!

0:16:42 > 0:16:44It's tiny little Steve!

0:16:44 > 0:16:46- Hey!- Are you having a good time?

0:16:46 > 0:16:47- Yeah!- Yeah.

0:16:47 > 0:16:50Do you want a massage?

0:16:50 > 0:16:51No... I'm all right.

0:16:51 > 0:16:53- You should.- I've got a judo class.

0:16:53 > 0:16:56- He's got magic hands.- Ken... - I don't mind.

0:16:56 > 0:16:58I feel like I've been a bit greedy.

0:16:58 > 0:17:01- See you another time, Ken. - OK, bye, Steve.

0:17:01 > 0:17:04Safe journey.

0:17:04 > 0:17:06- Great guy.- I like him.

0:17:07 > 0:17:09As I was saying to Zeb,

0:17:09 > 0:17:12when he finished with that last girlfriend of his...

0:17:12 > 0:17:15- What was she, Zeb? A model? - A lab assistant.

0:17:15 > 0:17:19- You know, you might have thought she was "the one"...- I didn't.

0:17:19 > 0:17:22..but at this early age, you don't really know, do you?

0:17:22 > 0:17:23Don't you think, Rachel?

0:17:23 > 0:17:25I think you know if it's real love.

0:17:25 > 0:17:28Come on, Rachel, have some more drink.

0:17:30 > 0:17:31Didn't, er...

0:17:31 > 0:17:34you and Zeb snog once at a party?

0:17:34 > 0:17:36Connie!

0:17:36 > 0:17:38We can talk about it here, can't we?

0:17:38 > 0:17:41I mean we're all friends, just chatting and having chemistry.

0:17:41 > 0:17:44Yeah, maybe when we were like, 14.

0:17:44 > 0:17:4615, babe. You were 15.

0:17:46 > 0:17:50Lorna. I think this might be a really good time to take the dishes.

0:18:00 > 0:18:04MUSIC: "Geno" by Dexy's Midnight Runners

0:18:14 > 0:18:18- Rrrat-ta-ta!- Rrrr!

0:18:18 > 0:18:19# Dah-dah-dah! #

0:18:23 > 0:18:25Holy shit, I love this band! Who is this?

0:18:25 > 0:18:28It's Dexy's Midnight Runners. They're actually reuniting this year.

0:18:28 > 0:18:30- Oh, my gosh, we should go, we should totally go!- What?

0:18:30 > 0:18:33- Come on, when was the last time you saw them?- About 20 years ago!

0:18:33 > 0:18:36I haven't got any tickets.

0:18:36 > 0:18:39Let's get them right now. Let's go on the internet and get them now.

0:18:39 > 0:18:42- That is a brilliant idea.- Yeah.

0:18:42 > 0:18:44Oh, my God! We're going to see the Dexys.

0:18:44 > 0:18:46- I used to dress like them.- Cool.

0:18:46 > 0:18:48I think I've still got the costume in the attic.

0:18:50 > 0:18:53Oh! Tickets are £200.

0:18:53 > 0:18:54Get them.

0:18:55 > 0:18:57And we should probably also buy a drum kit.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01We should definitely buy a drum kit.

0:19:07 > 0:19:10This was supposed to be a girls' night.

0:19:10 > 0:19:13Zeb is basically a boy.

0:19:13 > 0:19:15Yes, but I thought,

0:19:15 > 0:19:18obviously, Cuckoo's not fitting in chez vous.

0:19:18 > 0:19:22Maybe Zeb's the honey to lure her away from that dreadful hippy.

0:19:22 > 0:19:25I don't want her lured away, I like Cuckoo.

0:19:25 > 0:19:27He owns a potato van.

0:19:27 > 0:19:29My Zeb's going to be a marine biologist.

0:19:29 > 0:19:32- Connie, she's married!- We'll see.

0:19:33 > 0:19:36She'll never be able to resist my Zeb.

0:19:37 > 0:19:39He's gorgeous.

0:19:41 > 0:19:43CUCKOO YELLS, CHEERS

0:19:43 > 0:19:46- Go round it again! - Again? We've got to pick Dylan up.

0:19:46 > 0:19:48No, again and again and again!

0:19:48 > 0:19:51BOTH: And again and again and again and again!

0:19:54 > 0:19:57Woo-hooooo!

0:19:59 > 0:20:01- OK, let's go in.- I don't...

0:20:01 > 0:20:03I don't know, Cuckoo.

0:20:03 > 0:20:06It's just this little voice at the back of my head is saying

0:20:06 > 0:20:10you know, like, well, they're 16,

0:20:10 > 0:20:12I'm 45, and...

0:20:12 > 0:20:14Well, I'm high on drugs

0:20:14 > 0:20:16and maybe this isn't a good idea.

0:20:16 > 0:20:18- Ignore that, ignore that.- Yeah?

0:20:18 > 0:20:20Ken, you work so hard.

0:20:20 > 0:20:24- You deserve this.- Oh, yeah.

0:20:25 > 0:20:27I do deserve this, don't I?

0:20:27 > 0:20:28Yeah!

0:20:31 > 0:20:33Has anyone ever told you you're really tall, Ken?

0:20:33 > 0:20:35- Yeah, sometimes.- You are.- Yeah!

0:20:35 > 0:20:37MUSIC: "Starships" by Nicki Minaj

0:20:37 > 0:20:40# Starships were meant to fly

0:20:40 > 0:20:43# Hands up and touch the sky

0:20:44 > 0:20:46I'm still not feeling anything.

0:20:46 > 0:20:49Er, the dealer said they were made to look like Neurofen

0:20:49 > 0:20:51to avoid detection.

0:20:51 > 0:20:52It's definitely coming.

0:20:52 > 0:20:55I'm really feeling the music.

0:20:55 > 0:20:59I have this really strong urge to touch people.

0:21:01 > 0:21:02- Neil?- On your own, Dylan.

0:21:02 > 0:21:04I believe to make things square,

0:21:04 > 0:21:07I'm going to have to give you a massive kick in the nads. Lads,

0:21:07 > 0:21:11- hold him.- Neil, don't do this. Not my nads, Neil! Please not my nads!

0:21:11 > 0:21:15- What you going to do? Call your daddy?- Party! Let's do this!

0:21:15 > 0:21:17We're here!

0:21:17 > 0:21:19Ah! Dylan!

0:21:19 > 0:21:20Yeah!

0:21:22 > 0:21:25Zoe! It's you.

0:21:25 > 0:21:26Yeah!

0:21:26 > 0:21:28Is your dad high?

0:21:28 > 0:21:31Oh, right, yeah, he's mashed.

0:21:31 > 0:21:34Hey. This is a nice place. Whose is it?

0:21:34 > 0:21:36It's Lauren's mum's and dad's.

0:21:36 > 0:21:38You're right.

0:21:38 > 0:21:41I think I came here for a dinner party once.

0:21:41 > 0:21:44We had COUSCOUS!

0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Ken. It's all on!- Yeah?

0:21:47 > 0:21:50It's here! Here, here, here!

0:21:50 > 0:21:52Whoa! Party! Woo!

0:21:56 > 0:21:58Hello, ladies and gentlemen!

0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Come on, my people! - We are your new DJs.

0:22:00 > 0:22:03We're about to rock this party right off!

0:22:03 > 0:22:04Thank you, DJ Ken,

0:22:04 > 0:22:06and we're going to play you a sick tune

0:22:06 > 0:22:10that's going to make all you bros and all you teenage hos

0:22:10 > 0:22:12just lose your shit on the floor.

0:22:13 > 0:22:16Check it!

0:22:16 > 0:22:21MUSIC: "Seven Days Too Long" by Dexy's Midnight Runners

0:22:21 > 0:22:25# The first time I called you, girl They said you weren't at home

0:22:25 > 0:22:28# And the second time I telephoned

0:22:28 > 0:22:31# They all told me to leave you alone... #

0:22:31 > 0:22:33CHEERING

0:22:33 > 0:22:36# We had a lovers' quarrel

0:22:36 > 0:22:39# Like all lovers do

0:22:39 > 0:22:41# I wanted to make up

0:22:41 > 0:22:44# It's only left to you now

0:22:44 > 0:22:49# Cos seven days is too long without you, baby

0:22:49 > 0:22:51# Come on back to me

0:22:51 > 0:22:56# Seven days is too long without you, baby

0:22:56 > 0:22:58# Come on back to me

0:22:58 > 0:23:00# I refuse to break up

0:23:00 > 0:23:04# But I'm too weak to fight

0:23:04 > 0:23:06# And our love is too strong... #

0:23:06 > 0:23:09Mum said you got married?

0:23:09 > 0:23:10Yeah.

0:23:10 > 0:23:12You disappoint me, Rachel.

0:23:12 > 0:23:15I could never agree to letting anyone tie me down.

0:23:15 > 0:23:18Well, I wouldn't worry about it. Has anyone ever wanted to?

0:23:18 > 0:23:19Touche!

0:23:21 > 0:23:25You know, our parents kind of always wanted US to get married.

0:23:25 > 0:23:27Maybe's there's something in it.

0:23:27 > 0:23:30Maybe. Except for the fact you're a total dick.

0:23:30 > 0:23:33No.

0:23:33 > 0:23:35I HAVE a total dick.

0:23:36 > 0:23:40Doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo doo.

0:23:40 > 0:23:42Ow!

0:23:42 > 0:23:47Bet you wish your husband was hot like me,

0:23:47 > 0:23:51bet you wish your husband was a freak like me.

0:23:51 > 0:23:54Oh! Don't you?

0:23:55 > 0:23:57(Don't you?)

0:23:57 > 0:24:00Mum? We're leaving!

0:24:00 > 0:24:02MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

0:24:02 > 0:24:04# Everything in my life ain't what it seems

0:24:04 > 0:24:07# I wake up just to go back to sleep Act shallow but I'm in too deep

0:24:07 > 0:24:11# Only care about sex and violence Heavy bass line is my kind of silence

0:24:11 > 0:24:14# Everyone says I've got to get a grip but sanity gave me the slip

0:24:14 > 0:24:16# Bonkers

0:24:16 > 0:24:18# Some people think I'm bonkers... #

0:24:18 > 0:24:20He's hurt! Turn off the music!

0:24:21 > 0:24:22MUSIC STOPS

0:24:24 > 0:24:26Kenderston?

0:24:27 > 0:24:29Yeah!

0:24:29 > 0:24:32He's alive!

0:24:33 > 0:24:37# Some people think I'm bonkers... #

0:24:37 > 0:24:40- ALL:- DJ Ken! DJ Ken!

0:24:41 > 0:24:43And that was my first time,

0:24:43 > 0:24:45under the skies of Djibouti.

0:24:45 > 0:24:50Afterwards, we pulled up our grass skirts and went our separate ways.

0:24:50 > 0:24:52I to my colony,

0:24:52 > 0:24:54her, her hotel.

0:24:54 > 0:24:56Him...

0:24:56 > 0:24:59Zimbabwe, and his presidential duties.

0:25:01 > 0:25:02I love Lorna.

0:25:03 > 0:25:07I'm going to text her, and tell her she's my one and only.

0:25:07 > 0:25:08And I want another baby.

0:25:08 > 0:25:10- Hmm. Smart.- Yeah.

0:25:10 > 0:25:13Cuckoo, promise me,

0:25:13 > 0:25:14when we're sober,

0:25:14 > 0:25:17you and I will still be best friends.

0:25:17 > 0:25:18Ken. I promise

0:25:18 > 0:25:23and I also promise that we will get messed up like this every Saturday.

0:25:23 > 0:25:25You are on.

0:25:27 > 0:25:30Smile,

0:25:30 > 0:25:33and the world smiles with you.

0:25:38 > 0:25:39Nina!

0:25:39 > 0:25:42You're ready, Ken.

0:25:42 > 0:25:44Go to her.

0:25:50 > 0:25:52He's going to be great.

0:25:52 > 0:25:54Nina!

0:25:54 > 0:25:55Ken...

0:25:55 > 0:25:56No, no!

0:25:56 > 0:25:58Don't get in the car! No.

0:25:58 > 0:26:01- I'm getting in!- No! No...

0:26:04 > 0:26:08Listen, I'm just picking Neil up. I'd prefer to wait alone, thanks.

0:26:08 > 0:26:10I'll wait with you. We can talk.

0:26:10 > 0:26:13- No, Ken. We have nothing to talk about.- We do!

0:26:13 > 0:26:14Nina, listen,

0:26:14 > 0:26:16I love the Lib Dems

0:26:16 > 0:26:19and I love Lichfield, and I love the council.

0:26:19 > 0:26:22And I...love...you.

0:26:22 > 0:26:26There. I've said it.

0:26:26 > 0:26:29Well, Ken, that's all very well...

0:26:29 > 0:26:30Nina!

0:26:30 > 0:26:34There are all these forces in the world, trying to divide us,

0:26:34 > 0:26:37trying to convince us that we're not the same.

0:26:37 > 0:26:40Are we going to let them? No! Why?

0:26:40 > 0:26:41WHY?

0:26:41 > 0:26:43Because we...

0:26:44 > 0:26:48..are the Liberal Democrats.

0:26:49 > 0:26:52Well, you know, Ken, that's really heartfelt.

0:26:52 > 0:26:56Look, maybe I might have overreacted. So...

0:27:00 > 0:27:01- Oh!- Oh...

0:27:03 > 0:27:05Oh, it's all right.

0:27:05 > 0:27:06I've got a tissue.

0:27:06 > 0:27:09Oh! Oh...

0:27:10 > 0:27:13I am so sorry, love.

0:27:13 > 0:27:16I had no idea what Connie was planning.

0:27:16 > 0:27:19Mum, nobody takes me and Cuckoo seriously.

0:27:19 > 0:27:22Nonsense! I do.

0:27:22 > 0:27:23Your dad does.

0:27:23 > 0:27:25Dad doesn't even like him.

0:27:25 > 0:27:29Never spends any time with him and he always avoids talking to him.

0:27:29 > 0:27:30That is not true.

0:27:30 > 0:27:32It's not.

0:27:32 > 0:27:34We're back!

0:27:35 > 0:27:36Oh, Rachel!

0:27:36 > 0:27:40You have married the best man in the whole universe, do you hear me?

0:27:40 > 0:27:42The best man in the whole universe.

0:27:42 > 0:27:43Thanks, Dad!

0:27:46 > 0:27:47I got your text message.

0:27:47 > 0:27:50Though it is no to the extra baby, Ken.

0:27:50 > 0:27:52Oh. I don't know what you're talking about.

0:27:52 > 0:27:55Oh. Is that blood?

0:27:55 > 0:27:57Yes.

0:27:58 > 0:27:59My name's Ken.

0:27:59 > 0:28:01- Lorn.- Yeah?

0:28:01 > 0:28:03I was sick all over Nina Morgan.

0:28:04 > 0:28:07Right. That's pretty bad, isn't it?

0:28:07 > 0:28:09No, she was fine with it.

0:28:09 > 0:28:12I gave her a big hug and she said it was fine,

0:28:12 > 0:28:15and I should carry on with my evening. It's fine!

0:28:18 > 0:28:19Yeah!

0:28:23 > 0:28:25It's fine!

0:28:25 > 0:28:26It's fine.

0:28:28 > 0:28:29It's fine!

0:28:38 > 0:28:40Oh, bollocks.

0:29:01 > 0:29:04Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd