0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:10But the students will learn to part those clouds, to throw their gaze past mortal things,
0:00:10 > 0:00:13to look deep within themselves and find infinity
0:00:13 > 0:00:17and, ultimately, see the face of God!
0:00:17 > 0:00:19But, primarily, it's a potato van?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22Yeah, but my teachings are a pretty vital part of it.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24I'm just going to put down potato van.
0:00:24 > 0:00:28Ah, she's a beauty, just needs a little investment,
0:00:28 > 0:00:31get her up and running. And that's where you guys come in.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34OK, I can actually offer you £2,000
0:00:34 > 0:00:36at a comparatively small rate of interest!
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Ah, that's great news!
0:00:38 > 0:00:41Gemma, what is a rate of interest?
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Interest is the amount that we charge you for taking out the loan.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47I'm sorry, I think I'm confused about something.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49It's money on top of the loan?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Yes, at a rate of four percent a year.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53So let me get this straight,
0:00:53 > 0:00:56it's money on top of the loan?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Yes.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Gemma, here's my problem, if we do this deal,
0:01:00 > 0:01:04then I'm going to have to give you more money back than you've given me!
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Everybody pays interest. It's how we make our money.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Well, then, why doesn't anybody know about it?
0:01:09 > 0:01:11I mean, why the big cover-up?
0:01:11 > 0:01:13They do know about it.
0:01:13 > 0:01:17OK, listen up, people, wake-up call!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19If you borrow money from these leeches,
0:01:19 > 0:01:24they're going to charge you something that they like to call interest!
0:01:24 > 0:01:26Just thought you'd all be INTERESTED to know that.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Please, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31OK, fine, I'll leave, I'll go. Take these fine people's money.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33Stack it up into your bonuses.
0:01:33 > 0:01:37Blow it all on expensive suits and great cocaine and lap dances.
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Some people might even admire that!
0:01:39 > 0:01:44But not this guy, because this guy doesn't tango with bloodsuckers!
0:01:46 > 0:01:47Not even hot ones.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Just want to teach people about love!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55The Complete History Of The Sheffield Steel Industry.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Your old dad is going to wet himself.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Oh, not like that time, in a good way.
0:01:59 > 0:02:01You've spent far too much on him.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03You've already got the football tickets!
0:02:03 > 0:02:06It's Tony's first birthday since your mum died.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07I want him to have the perfect day.
0:02:07 > 0:02:12Ah, sweet Ken, anything to please his father-in-law, just like me.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Cuckoo, we have to be on the road in ten minutes.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17- You will be ready? - Absolutely!
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Ten minutes, Cuckoo!
0:02:19 > 0:02:21It's all under control, Lorna!
0:02:21 > 0:02:23In fact, we will have time to spare!
0:02:23 > 0:02:24Huh!
0:02:25 > 0:02:29Dad, Granddad's got a lot of savings, hasn't he?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31No. No, Rachel.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34Cuckoo is not fleecing an old man to fix his van.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37He can get a loan and take some responsibility.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Dylan, I woke you up over an hour ago!
0:02:40 > 0:02:43I'm not going. Charlotte Brown's having a party with an indoor pool.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Dylan...
0:02:44 > 0:02:47Old boring man, pool full of fanny, deal with it!
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- You're coming.- OK, if I come, you have to get me decks.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- No.- Reasoned argument means nothing to you, does it?
0:02:52 > 0:02:57It's your granddad's first birthday since your nan died! We'll cheer him up, show him a good time
0:02:57 > 0:02:59and I'm sure he'd appreciate it if you were there!
0:02:59 > 0:03:00Said Hitler.
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Up! Now!
0:03:03 > 0:03:05That boy is unbelievable!
0:03:05 > 0:03:09Well, to be fair to Dylan, there is nothing to do at Granddad's.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11It's just you and him sitting in a corner
0:03:11 > 0:03:14- talking about football and '80s politics!- That's true!
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Yeah. I like Tony!
0:03:16 > 0:03:19I don't know why we always go there anyway.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Would it not be better if Granddad just came here?
0:03:23 > 0:03:27Oh, my God, Nan's display bowl.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Mum, you still haven't told Granddad?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32SHE LAUGHS
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Hey, Ken, do you have a tie I can borrow?
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Are you more naked than you were before?
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Hence the tie question.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I hope Cuckoo's going to tone it down with your dad.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I just know Dad's going to ask about the bowl.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49Mum loved that bowl all her life!
0:03:49 > 0:03:50Two weeks with me and...
0:03:50 > 0:03:51CRASHING SOUND
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Lorna, just tell him you dropped it! You can't go on like this!
0:03:55 > 0:03:57No way am I going to tell him!
0:03:57 > 0:04:00I've just got to make sure he never comes to ours
0:04:00 > 0:04:02and avoid conversation wherever possible.
0:04:02 > 0:04:04With your father. That's healthy.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07He's got a couple of decades max.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09I just need to keep him at a distance till then,
0:04:09 > 0:04:12and I'll deal with the psychological fallout later!
0:04:13 > 0:04:17Whoo! Reporting for duty, Captain Ken!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Ready, mein Fuehrer!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Let's roll!
0:04:22 > 0:04:25# 88 Tibetan monks on the wall
0:04:25 > 0:04:27# 88 Tibetan monks
0:04:27 > 0:04:30# One set himself on fire In protest... #
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Yeah.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33# 87 Tibetan monks on the wall
0:04:33 > 0:04:35# 87 Tibetan monks on the wall 87 Tibetan monks... #
0:04:35 > 0:04:38- HE WHISPERS:- Lorna, please make him stop.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39- Cuckoo?- Yeah?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42You're going to love Granddad, he's political like you!
0:04:42 > 0:04:46He was a shop steward in the miners strike under Thatcher.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Oh, that's great, Ken, but it's the politics that I'm interested in.
0:04:49 > 0:04:53I can't wait. It's going to be a gloves off, no holds barred debate
0:04:53 > 0:04:55between me and the old guy!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56THEY CHUCKLE
0:04:56 > 0:05:00Now, where were we, singing gang?
0:05:00 > 0:05:03# 99 Tibetan monks on the wall
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# 99 Tibetan monks
0:05:06 > 0:05:08# One set himself on fire In protest
0:05:08 > 0:05:11# 98 Tibetan monks on the wall. #
0:05:11 > 0:05:13It really happened!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Ah, greetings, comrades.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18Happy birthday, Dad.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20- Ken, great to see you. - Great to see you.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23And how's my wonderful daughter?
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Great! Best get these inside, Dad!
0:05:26 > 0:05:29- You all right, Granddad?- Dylan. Mwah. Hello, Rachel.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31Hello, Granddad. Aw!
0:05:31 > 0:05:33- Lovely to see you.- And you.- Yeah.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38Happy birthday, Tony. I'm your new grandson.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43HE SNIFFS HIM
0:05:43 > 0:05:44And you smell great.
0:05:44 > 0:05:46HE CHUCKLES
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Oh, yeah!
0:05:50 > 0:05:51Nice digs!
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Very nice!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Look who's here. It's Floxie, in't it?
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Say hello, Floxie.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Mmm! Mmm!
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Didn't know you'd bought a cat, Tony?
0:06:04 > 0:06:06It belongs to the Dixons up the road.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08Started visiting me a few months back.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12You came to look after me, didn't you, Floxie?
0:06:12 > 0:06:18Yes, you did! You did, didn't you? Didn't you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:19Mwah.
0:06:19 > 0:06:23You did, didn't you? You did, didn't you? Didn't you?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27You're a beautiful cat. A beautiful cat.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30Hello, Floxie! Mmm, mmm!
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Mmm, mmm!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40So, you're the bloke who married my little princess.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43Do you love her, Cuckoo?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Oh, so fucking much, Tony.
0:06:45 > 0:06:47I mean, Rachel is my goddess.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52Her body is a temple within which I worship three times a day,
0:06:52 > 0:06:53bare minimum.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Sometimes as many as seven, depending.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58HE CHUCKLES
0:06:58 > 0:07:01You get a little tuckered out, don't you?
0:07:04 > 0:07:06So, what have you been doing then, Lorna?
0:07:06 > 0:07:08Oh, nothing much.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11Best get these cleared up!
0:07:11 > 0:07:16So, Tony, guess where we're going this afternoon?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh, you didn't?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Tickets for the Owls! That's great, Ken!
0:07:21 > 0:07:22I thought we could make a day of it.
0:07:22 > 0:07:24Fantastic!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Tony, is this your late wife?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Yeah. Yeah, that's my Debs.
0:07:29 > 0:07:34She's gorgeous. Or as they say in Sheffield, dead gorgeous!
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I thought we go up the Fox And Star after the match,
0:07:37 > 0:07:39a few birthday drinks.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Jesus! Dylan, don't point that at people!
0:07:42 > 0:07:44What if it had been loaded!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46It's Granddad's Korean War rifle!
0:07:46 > 0:07:48I thought you liked history!
0:07:50 > 0:07:53ALL: # For he's a jolly good fellow
0:07:53 > 0:07:58# And so say all of us. #
0:07:58 > 0:07:59Woo!
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Woo! Happy birthday, Dad!
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Hey, did you make that cake, Ken?
0:08:03 > 0:08:05Banana cake. Your favourite!
0:08:05 > 0:08:07- Yeah.- All right, everybody, you know what time it is!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Tony, you're going to get the birthday bumps!
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- Come on, I got his legs! You guys grab the back!- Watch his knee.- Ow!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- Traditional birthday bumps! - Cuckoo. Cuckoo.- Ow!
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Here we go! Get 'em up there!
0:08:17 > 0:08:20Cuckoo, just sit down and be less enthusiastic.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Oh! Yeah. Yeah.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24HE WHISPERS: Happy birthday, Tony.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26Tony, would you like my birthday gift?
0:08:26 > 0:08:27Our gift, Ken!
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Yes, our gift. Except I chose and paid for it!
0:08:30 > 0:08:32- It's in the car. I'll go and get it. - Oh!
0:08:32 > 0:08:34Be prepared to be very surprised!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36HE LAUGHS
0:08:36 > 0:08:37What's that?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39CAT PURRS
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Whoa!
0:08:42 > 0:08:44So...
0:08:44 > 0:08:45HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:08:45 > 0:08:46..what does he do?
0:08:46 > 0:08:47He's got a potato van.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Oh! Aye. Well, it's nice to see you happy, Rach.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Are you sure?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54CAT PURRS
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I only wish Debs was here to see you settled.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Thanks, Granddad.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00Tony, Rach, Dylan, Lorna,
0:09:00 > 0:09:03something incredible has happened.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04I have an announcement to make.
0:09:06 > 0:09:11Tony, this cat, Mrs Floxie,
0:09:11 > 0:09:14is the reincarnated form of your dead wife Debra.
0:09:20 > 0:09:22Ta-dah!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25Is everything all right?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Well, Cuckoo thinks the cat is my mum.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31What! Why?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33I can't explain it, Ken, I just feel it!
0:09:33 > 0:09:35Look, Tony...
0:09:35 > 0:09:37No. No, Ken, it makes sense.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41I remember the day Floxie first came to see me.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43It was back in late February.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Debra's birthday is in March.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49No shit!
0:09:49 > 0:09:51That's not that much of a coincidence, Dad.
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Yeah, but didn't Nan love cats?
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Yeah, it's all coming together and look,
0:09:56 > 0:10:03about as similar as a cat and a woman can be!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06God, you're right!
0:10:06 > 0:10:09OK, OK, Cuckoo, Cuckoo, this is a fun idea,
0:10:09 > 0:10:12but I think it's pretty unlikely that that cat is Grandma!
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Unlikely, Ken, but not impossible.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18Well, kind of impossible, yes. I mean, is there any proof?
0:10:18 > 0:10:20It's like I said, I just feel it!
0:10:20 > 0:10:21- You feel it?- Yes!
0:10:21 > 0:10:25If only there was a way of us knowing for sure.
0:10:29 > 0:10:31Honoured feline,
0:10:31 > 0:10:34if you truly contain the spirit of our beloved Debra,
0:10:34 > 0:10:37then please drink from the left saucer
0:10:37 > 0:10:41and if you do not, then drink of the right.
0:10:41 > 0:10:42And this will prove what?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44It's a scientific test, Ken!
0:10:44 > 0:10:47It's not, Cuckoo, it's a wholly random experiment.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48The cat can't read!
0:10:48 > 0:10:50Yeah, but Debra could.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Come on, give me a little bit of credit here, Ken.
0:10:52 > 0:10:58OK, Tony, will you please release the cat/Debra?
0:11:20 > 0:11:21Oh!
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Oh, wow!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Ah!
0:11:27 > 0:11:31There were doubters, but now, we all see the truth, don't we?
0:11:31 > 0:11:34She's come back to me, Ken.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Debra's come back to me, in the form of a cat.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I did it!
0:11:40 > 0:11:43For fuck's sake!
0:11:45 > 0:11:49Ken, they've made a bed for her out of Mum's old clothes.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52Guess what? She really likes it!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53Why are you going along with this?
0:11:53 > 0:11:57Dad's happy! He's occupied, he's not asking me about the bowl!
0:11:57 > 0:11:59What's the problem?
0:11:59 > 0:12:01Lorna, we're atheists, remember?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04Yes, when it comes to God and the church,
0:12:04 > 0:12:07but this is like Eastern stuff, isn't it?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09It's a bit cooler.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11More...funky.
0:12:11 > 0:12:12I can dig it.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15Isn't it amazing?
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Ah, you know if anyone was going to pick up on Nan
0:12:17 > 0:12:20coming back in animal form, it would be Cuckoo.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24He's just more receptive than people like us.
0:12:24 > 0:12:30No! No, Rachel, you have three science A-Levels in Science!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32Hindus and Buddhists have believed in reincarnation
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- for thousands of years, Dad. - They have.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37I don't believe you two! Rachel, you've read The God Delusion!
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Lorna, I told you all about it at length!
0:12:40 > 0:12:41This is basically Paganism!
0:12:41 > 0:12:44What are we going to do next, sacrifice Dylan!
0:12:44 > 0:12:46What? Why me?
0:12:46 > 0:12:48Cos you're a massive virgin.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Dah!
0:12:52 > 0:12:55And, of course, the Egyptian goddess Bat was a cat, ironically,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58because, based on the name, you'd think it was a bat!
0:12:58 > 0:12:59THEY LAUGH
0:12:59 > 0:13:00- Yeah, you definitely would.- Yeah.
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Well, I don't know about bats and cats, Tony,
0:13:03 > 0:13:06but are you ready for the Owls?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09I thought we'd get to Hillsborough early.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Ken, my wife's just got back from beyond the veil.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14I'm not about to go to the football. That would be really rude.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16Right.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20It's just I got these over a month ago
0:13:20 > 0:13:22so we would have really good seats.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24- They did cost £90. - Oh, Ken.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Ooh, remember that, Debs?
0:13:31 > 0:13:33I remember you in that bikini.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Not a fella on that beach
0:13:35 > 0:13:37could take his eyes off you.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Oh, you remember!
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Couldn't wait to get you back to the hotel.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43- Dad!- What?
0:13:43 > 0:13:46You think you youngsters invented sex.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49We know different, don't we, Debra?
0:13:50 > 0:13:52I'm going to go upstairs now.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Dylan, stop playing with the gun!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12They think the cat is Grandma! I mean, Jesus!
0:14:12 > 0:14:13So there is one rationalist in the family!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16People don't come back after death in any form!
0:14:16 > 0:14:18Thank you.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21There's nothing afterwards, there's no point or meaning to life.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24You know, that's why you should just chill out about hurting people
0:14:24 > 0:14:30and get on with accumulating money and possessions and sexual partners.
0:14:30 > 0:14:31Right.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Would you...would you like to come to the pub with me?
0:14:35 > 0:14:36The pub?
0:14:36 > 0:14:41The Fox And Star in town. It's a nice little boozer. It'd be good to get out of here, right.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43- Is this a trick?- No.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46You're going to take me to the pub and buy me drinks?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49I'm going to buy you a limited number of drinks.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Right, I'll get my phone.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53HE SIGHS
0:14:59 > 0:15:00Ah.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Bloody cat!
0:15:06 > 0:15:07Pow!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Pow!
0:15:12 > 0:15:13GUNSHOT
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Ahh!
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Ahh! No!
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Ahh!
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Did you just shoot the cat?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27There were bullets in this! Did you not check?!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34So it's like a fast-food van
0:15:34 > 0:15:37and it's like a spiritual counselling centre?
0:15:37 > 0:15:40You have a fast mind, Tony.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43I mean, you were onto that like a fucking jackal.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Ken!
0:15:47 > 0:15:50Me and this old minge are just bonding over my philosophies.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Come join us! - I'm just going down the shed.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56- Why?- Memories. Great memories!
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Remember that time we tidied the borders?
0:15:59 > 0:16:01- No.- No!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03It was phenomenal!
0:16:03 > 0:16:05What are you doing with my old kit bag?
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Do you know, I've absolutely no idea why I picked this up?!
0:16:08 > 0:16:10HE LAUGHS LOUDLY
0:16:10 > 0:16:12This has been great!
0:16:12 > 0:16:13You two get on with it.
0:16:15 > 0:16:19Anyhow, this van, I've got a bit saved away.
0:16:19 > 0:16:20I could help out.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Oh, Tony, I am profoundly moved.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27I mean, I will remember this day always.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31My philosophical potato van is for ever indebted to you.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35And when people inevitably thank me for my food and teachings,
0:16:35 > 0:16:38I will say to them, "Don't thank me,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40"Thank Tony...
0:16:40 > 0:16:42"and me."
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Ah, Ken, where are you going now, then?
0:16:45 > 0:16:48Thought I might take Dylan down to the Fox And Star.
0:16:48 > 0:16:52Oh, well, we could all go! Oh, could take Debra!
0:16:52 > 0:16:56- Ha! Debra!- You've just got her back and then you disappear to the pub!
0:16:56 > 0:16:59Debs won't begrudge me a jar at the Fox. Come on, Cuckoo.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06An afternoon pint!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Come and meet my friend Lenny.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11If I keep this a secret for you, you have to get me decks.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15Fine, I just need time to dump the cat! You could distract them. Can you do that?
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Yeah, yeah, don't worry. Don't worry.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19Yeah, great to see you, Len.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21- Just like old times, eh? - Aye.- Aye.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23THEY CHUCKLE
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Cheers, Len.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Today is just the best!
0:17:31 > 0:17:35Well, if everyone's got a drink, I'm just going to use the facilities.
0:17:37 > 0:17:39- I love this place.- Yeah.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42What does everyone think of the new Rihanna album?
0:17:42 > 0:17:43- I haven't heard it.- Who?
0:17:43 > 0:17:46I thought Ken was going to the loo!
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Why's he going outside?
0:17:48 > 0:17:52Hey, watch this! Look, my... my beer mat sticks to the glass!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55Isn't that just really cool? Granddad, look!
0:17:55 > 0:17:58I've not much life left, son. Please don't waste it.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00I'm just going to go and see what he's doing!
0:18:00 > 0:18:02No!
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Mum... I...
0:18:05 > 0:18:08I'm beginning to ask questions about my sexuality!
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Wow!
0:18:11 > 0:18:14Oh, Dylie. Go on! Go on!
0:18:34 > 0:18:38And so, after a lot of soul-searching,
0:18:38 > 0:18:42I finally came to the conclusion that I...am...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44not gay!
0:18:44 > 0:18:47- Yes!- But, you know, it was really good to question it
0:18:47 > 0:18:51and I wanted to share that with you, my family.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55You wanted to share the fact that you're not gay and you never were?
0:18:55 > 0:18:59Yeah. It really feels amazing to get it off my chest.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Wow, Dylan, that was beautiful.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03I am so honoured that you shared that.
0:19:03 > 0:19:07I mean, come on, give the little guy some props, that took courage!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11What did I miss?
0:19:11 > 0:19:14- Dylan came out as heterosexual. - I did.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Well, I've long suspected as much.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21And for being so candid and honest, I'm going to buy you some decks.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Yes!
0:19:23 > 0:19:25That's awesome. You deserve that.
0:19:27 > 0:19:28What are decks?
0:19:36 > 0:19:40Ah, I can't remember enjoying a trip to Dad's so much.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43Whatever you say about that cat, Ken,
0:19:43 > 0:19:45she's brought him out of himself!
0:19:45 > 0:19:47KNOCKING ON THE DOOR
0:19:47 > 0:19:50The Dixons called, you know, Debra's owners.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Said they haven't seen her all evening.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Dad, I'm sure she's fine.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57You know, cats go walkabout all the time.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03- Night-night. - Night.- Night.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Silly old man, worrying about nothing.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Well, yes...
0:20:16 > 0:20:19Except the cat's never coming back,
0:20:19 > 0:20:20because it's dead.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23What! How do you know?
0:20:23 > 0:20:27I shot it! Accidentally, with Tony's rifle.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30You accidentally killed it with a gun?
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Where's the body?
0:20:32 > 0:20:34It's in a skip at the Fox And Star!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Well, I don't know what to think, Ken.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38I mean, in a way, you've killed my mother!
0:20:38 > 0:20:39Oh, not really!
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Well, in a way!
0:20:42 > 0:20:44When are you going to tell Dad?
0:20:44 > 0:20:48Mmm, I was thinking...never! Because he'll hate my guts for the rest of his life!
0:20:48 > 0:20:50Oh, come on, Ken, you have to tell him!
0:20:50 > 0:20:51You know I hate telling lies!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53It didn't seem to bother you about your mum's bowl!
0:20:53 > 0:20:57That was pottery! This is the death of a family member!
0:20:59 > 0:21:00I'm going to tell him.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Then I'm going to tell him about the bowl!
0:21:02 > 0:21:04Oh, you!
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Are you finding this blackmail standoff a bit sexy?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14Maybe a little bit!
0:21:14 > 0:21:16But not enough, Ken!
0:21:22 > 0:21:27Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Mmm.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30All right then, Anne, eh...
0:21:30 > 0:21:34Well, we'll just, we'll just soldier on. Mmm.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40No sign of her this morning. They're sure something's amiss.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Oh, Granddad!
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Oh, I'm sure she's not dead.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46Well, the Dixons fear the worst.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48She's never been out this long before.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Well, in that case, I'm sure we can rule out foul play.
0:21:51 > 0:21:53It's nothing to do with anyone here!
0:21:53 > 0:21:55Yeah, Tony, don't worry,
0:21:55 > 0:21:57we won't stop until we find out exactly what happened to her.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Absolutely we won't.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03But, look, this is a mad, crazy thought,
0:22:03 > 0:22:05but maybe, just maybe...
0:22:07 > 0:22:09..this is what Debra wanted to happen.
0:22:09 > 0:22:14Maybe she came back as a cat just to see you, Tony,
0:22:14 > 0:22:19just to reconnect for a short time before she went back to Heaven.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20You think?
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Yes.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25As soon as you realised that it was her,
0:22:25 > 0:22:29and you were able to say goodbye properly, she left us.
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Mmm.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32What? Are you serious?
0:22:32 > 0:22:35Maybe her spirit wasn't strong enough
0:22:35 > 0:22:37to inhabit a cat for such a long time.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Her spirit wasn't strong enough?!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42This is Debra we're talking about!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44I mean, it doesn't make any sense, Ken!
0:22:44 > 0:22:48Do you know what, Cuckoo, I really feel it does.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49I feel it does, too.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52I think it's entirely plausible.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Oh, come on!
0:22:54 > 0:22:56No, Cuckoo, they're right.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Maybe she just came to give me a message.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Maybe I should just accept that she's gone.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05DOORBELL RINGS
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- Anne!- It's all OK, Tony!
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Panic over, she's coming back.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- What?- What?
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Ah, Ken, sorry, this is Anne Dixon, Debra's owner.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Yeah, we remembered we had Floxie micro-chipped when she was a kitten,
0:23:24 > 0:23:27so, she's OK. In fact, she's on the move!
0:23:27 > 0:23:28SHE CHUCKLES
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Oh, wow!
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Well, she's moving pretty fast!
0:23:32 > 0:23:35She's almost here!
0:23:35 > 0:23:37Ken, Debra's coming back!
0:23:37 > 0:23:41Oh, Granddad, she's just been off on an adventure!
0:23:41 > 0:23:44- You've been so brave, Tony. So proud of you right now!- Thank goodness.
0:23:44 > 0:23:47Look, we really should think about making a move.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I mean, Sunday traffic can be murder.
0:23:50 > 0:23:52I mean, death. I mean, accidental death.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56It says she will be here any minute.
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Len!
0:23:57 > 0:24:01Hiya, Tony. I found your sports bag in the car park.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- Oh, yeah, Ken was using it. - Yes. Yes, I was.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06It says she's here or very near!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08- What's going on, Tony? - Oh, a missing cat.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10She must be hiding somewhere. Come on, Debra!
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Debra!- I'll help. - Come on out, puss-puss.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Floxie! Puss, puss, puss.
0:24:14 > 0:24:18- Floxie!- Come on!- I'll just get this out of the way, pop it in the shed.
0:24:18 > 0:24:19No, Ken, it's fine, I got it.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- I'd prefer to do it myself. - Yes, Cuckoo, let Ken have it!
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Guys, it's fine, you should be looking for Debra. I got it.
0:24:25 > 0:24:26Cuckoo, give me the bag, please!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28BELL TINKLES
0:24:28 > 0:24:29That was a cat bell.
0:24:29 > 0:24:33- What have you got in this bag, Ken? - What's that caught in the zip?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Give me the bag, Cuckoo!
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- It's fur! - Fur? You mean cat fur?
0:24:37 > 0:24:39That's where you're wrong, actually,
0:24:39 > 0:24:43because this happens to be a Russian hat.
0:24:43 > 0:24:46OK. OK. We gotta open this bag now!
0:24:46 > 0:24:47- No!- Arh!
0:24:47 > 0:24:50- No!- Arh! Arh!
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Oh.
0:24:52 > 0:24:53Ah!
0:24:54 > 0:24:58What is a dead cat doing in this bag?
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Ken?
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Hold on a second, Tony!
0:25:01 > 0:25:06I need to try and work out exactly what on Earth has happened here.
0:25:06 > 0:25:10Did you kill Debra and then try to cover it up?
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Fair dos, Tony.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17I accidentally shot her with your rifle.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Dad, I broke Mum's bowl.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26Ah, that's fine, love.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Oh, Ken.
0:25:33 > 0:25:37Well, Tony'll be OK. He's strong.
0:25:37 > 0:25:41But Ken, I have to say I disagree with your decision to murder the cat.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45Well, as I said to you, it was an accident.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48Yeah, but you and I both know there are no accidents.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Your subconscious did what it wanted to do
0:25:51 > 0:25:53and that was to shoot and kill a cat.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56Hey, look, I'm not judging, I just think it was horrible and wrong.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58Can we leave it?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Yeah. Consider it leaved.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04It's funny though, you know,
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Tony has to forgive you, cos you're his son-in-law.
0:26:06 > 0:26:11I mean, no matter how annoying you are, he's gotta live with it!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Just kind of makes you realise how lucky me and you are, you know?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19# 99 Tibetan monks on the wall
0:26:19 > 0:26:22# 99 Tibetan monks
0:26:22 > 0:26:26# One burned himself in protest
0:26:26 > 0:26:30# 98 Tibetan monks on the wall. #
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd