0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:09Hiya, fatso! All ready for your wedding anniversary?
0:00:09 > 0:00:15- Yeah. Met your mother 24 wonderful years ago.- Aww!
0:00:15 > 0:00:17Something smells good.
0:00:17 > 0:00:21Yes, and smell is all you're getting. This is for me and Lorna. You two are leaving.
0:00:21 > 0:00:26Oh, OK, I get it. A little alone time. Chika-bow-wow!
0:00:26 > 0:00:27You're going to have sex.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29How was work, baby?
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Oh, it was OK. You know. I made a lot of money today,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34and the customers were complimentary about the food.
0:00:34 > 0:00:35You say it like it's a bad thing.
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Ken, I didn't build a potato van cum spiritual advice centre
0:00:39 > 0:00:43so I could...work. I want to heal people. Open their eyes.
0:00:43 > 0:00:45You opened my eyes, Cuckoo.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46I know.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49And I think Ken would admit his life has turned around a bit, too.
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Yeah. It's different...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- Slash, ruined.- Dad!
0:00:54 > 0:00:56It's starting to occur to me that people might not want advice
0:00:56 > 0:00:59- from the guy giving them a potato out of a truck.- Mmm!
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I mean, what if the people in your capitalist Babylon
0:01:02 > 0:01:04never truly appreciate my incredible gift?
0:01:04 > 0:01:10Hey, well, here's a thought. Maybe just serve them potatoes, and forget about the spiritual horse shit.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13- Whatever. - Dad, you shouldn't have said that.
0:01:13 > 0:01:20Whoa! I mean, what if all the great gurus throughout history took Ken's advice.
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Stick to the carpentry, Jesus! Stick to the interpretive dance, Gandhi!
0:01:24 > 0:01:29You know what, Ken? I can do this. And I will prove to you that I can do it.
0:01:29 > 0:01:34Good for you. I want you to show me you can do it. But now, leave for the evening.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Helloooo!
0:01:36 > 0:01:40Ooh, very romantic! To what do I owe this pleasure?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44No reason! Just thought it was the right night for a special dinner.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47Oh, yeah, you said you were cooking. Is there enough for Steve and Connie?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50- Why? - I invited them round.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Lorna, it's our anniversary.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I knew that! I didn't forget!
0:01:55 > 0:01:58I just thought you'd have a better time with our friends.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Connie is YOUR friend.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05I don't like Steve - he's a potent combination of boring and insane.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07Connie and Steve? Is Zoe coming?
0:02:07 > 0:02:10No.
0:02:10 > 0:02:15Well, seeing as how you guys are having company, mind if we join?
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Brilliant.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- HE WHISPERS:- You're going to have sex tonight.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:02:32 > 0:02:37Lorna said you were changing university, Rach? Because of your gap year love affair.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40That way Cuckoo and I can stay here at home with Mum and Dad.
0:02:40 > 0:02:45I love living here, Connie. I mean, Ken and Lorna are such warm-hearted, simple people.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Thanks, Cuckoo.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48So, Connie, what do you do?
0:02:48 > 0:02:50I work with Lorna, we're estate agents.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53Hey, did she tell you I believe all houses should be free.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55Warning, Connie - I once lost two hours to this.
0:02:55 > 0:02:57No, no - I'm interested.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00All houses should be free? You really think that?
0:03:00 > 0:03:01Uh, well, not just me.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05There was also that clever little guy with the white beard who said "property is theft".
0:03:05 > 0:03:07What was his name, again? Oh, yeah, right - Darwin.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Marx.
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Top marks to you, as well, Ken. I love this guy.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14How would you get the money to build houses?
0:03:14 > 0:03:17How about the profound economic crisis
0:03:17 > 0:03:20when the billions invested in land were wiped out in one single stroke?
0:03:20 > 0:03:24Connie, I would rather the global economy collapse around us in flames
0:03:24 > 0:03:26than one man slept on the streets tonight.
0:03:26 > 0:03:30LAUGHTER
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Aw, it's a sweet idea, Cuckoo,
0:03:32 > 0:03:36but probably leave the thinking to other people and stick to potatoes.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38- LAUGHTER - "Stick to potatoes."
0:03:38 > 0:03:42Oh, I'm sorry, Rach - Cuckoo just makes me laugh, that's all.
0:03:42 > 0:03:45He makes me ROAR!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Moving swiftly on.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49So, Zeb is coming down for my judo final...
0:03:49 > 0:03:53Be quiet, Steve. Connie, where is all this anger coming from?
0:03:53 > 0:03:56What? I'm not angry.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58No. I've met a bunch of people like you before.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Somehow, somewhere along the way you lost sight of your dreams,
0:04:01 > 0:04:03and it's left you really angry and super-mean.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Tell me something, what did you want to be when you grew up?
0:04:06 > 0:04:11I wanted to be a guerrilla soldier - somebody tall and powerful,
0:04:11 > 0:04:14that, if you crossed him, he would snap you in his strong hands like a twig.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16No one asked you, Steve.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18- What did you want to be, Connie? - Cuckoo!
0:04:18 > 0:04:20No, no, Ken. It's fine.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23Well, you'll laugh, but...
0:04:23 > 0:04:25I wanted to be a singer.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- Connie. No. - I couldn't really sing, I just... - Just something you grow out of.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- Connie, I would love to hear you sing. - Maybe another time.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Yeah, or maybe right now?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- I mean, everyone wants to hear Connie sing, right? I know I do. - Erm...
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Go on, Connie. I'd love to hear you sing. I've never heard you sing.
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Yeah, come on, Connie!
0:04:40 > 0:04:44Connie, it's up to you. But if you DON'T want to sing, that's fine too.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- Well, if people are insisting. - And I think we are.
0:04:53 > 0:04:59# It's been seven hours and fifteen days
0:04:59 > 0:05:01# Since you took your love away
0:05:02 > 0:05:06# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
0:05:06 > 0:05:11# I go out every night and sleep all day
0:05:12 > 0:05:15# Since you took your love away
0:05:15 > 0:05:19# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
0:05:19 > 0:05:25# Since you've been gone I can do whatever I want
0:05:25 > 0:05:30# I can see whomever I choose
0:05:30 > 0:05:34# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
0:05:34 > 0:05:39# I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
0:05:39 > 0:05:41# But nothing
0:05:41 > 0:05:46# I said, nothing can take away these blues
0:05:46 > 0:05:50# Cos nothing compares
0:05:50 > 0:05:54# Nothing compares to you! #
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Wow! Connie, what are you, a swan?!
0:06:03 > 0:06:07Yes! Come on, guys! Give it up!
0:06:07 > 0:06:11- HE APPLAUDS - Give it up! Woo!
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Connie, yeah!
0:06:12 > 0:06:17Oh, man. I mean... Lorna, you want to talk about how that affected you?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20Affected me?
0:06:22 > 0:06:27Er, well, Connie... I think it was beautiful.
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Ken?
0:06:29 > 0:06:31HE SWALLOWS I'm deeply moved.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Well. I suppose I have always known I could sing.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41- Don't give up your day job, though, eh? - HE CHUCKLES
0:06:41 > 0:06:43Just great.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46Now we can enjoy the rest of our meal together.
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Except for Steve.
0:06:49 > 0:06:55- Bye, Connie.- Lovely.- Aw, lovely seeing you.- Nice to see you. Bye.
0:06:55 > 0:06:56Ah...
0:06:58 > 0:07:00I hate them.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Oh, come on, you're still in a mood, you big grump box.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Lorna, it's been the worst anniversary ever.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10Remember - the night is not over yet, Ken.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- I suppose it isn't, is it?- No.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16- CONNIE:- I sounded good in there. And, you know, maybe I should have a look at singing again.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Darling, you cannot sing.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20You sound like an elephant fucking an owl.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I thought we'd given up singing. We agreed basically it was annoying.
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Steve, you are so negative about me!
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Connie, we're making a scene. come on, get in the car. Now.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31No!
0:07:31 > 0:07:32Hey, guys?
0:07:32 > 0:07:35I was just here on the john, I couldn't help but overhear.
0:07:35 > 0:07:40Steve, years ago you met a beautiful songbird just flying free.
0:07:40 > 0:07:44and you were attracted to her. Sexually.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47And now, you're putting her in a cage, man.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52Look at her, her plumage is all wilted, her droppings are discoloured -
0:07:52 > 0:07:54a sure sign of sickness.
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Question you've got to ask yourself, is what you're going to do about it, Steve.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Connie, get in the car.
0:07:59 > 0:08:02Connie - never let anyone question your dreams.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Because without our dreams, what are we?
0:08:04 > 0:08:08This is between me and my wife! Connie - get in the car, now!
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- Steve, you're blowing it, man. - Shut up!
0:08:11 > 0:08:13You...goofball!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Connie - car, now!
0:08:15 > 0:08:18That hurts, Steve.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22Anyways, Connie. Just putting it out there. Food for thought.
0:08:22 > 0:08:27Now, I'm going to close the window. I need some privacy while I finish up in here, OK?
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- DOORBELL RINGS - Oh, Con!
0:08:30 > 0:08:35- Oh, Lorn - can I stay tonight? - Of course.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Connie.
0:08:39 > 0:08:43You can stay as long as you like.
0:08:44 > 0:08:46- HE SIGHS - Fucking Steve!
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Finally, Mr Thompson, I get you alone!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53THEY GIGGLE
0:08:53 > 0:08:57- CONNIE SINGS:- # Gold! Always believe in your soul... #
0:08:57 > 0:08:59- CUCKOO:- Good!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02- Oh, come on.- No.
0:09:02 > 0:09:07- I'll sort it out.- Lorn, I can't. SINGING CONTINUES
0:09:07 > 0:09:09I can't, not to this.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- Try. Just try.- I can't. - Let me have a go.- No!
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Lorn, not to this. Please.
0:09:18 > 0:09:21Just sleep.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25# Ken is having breakfast
0:09:25 > 0:09:28# Breakfast
0:09:28 > 0:09:31# He's got cornflakes in his bowl
0:09:31 > 0:09:33# In his stupid bowl
0:09:33 > 0:09:36# He's not looking too happy
0:09:36 > 0:09:39# It's all a front... #
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Ooh! This is jolly! Go, Connie!
0:09:42 > 0:09:44# He's got a big smile in his heart... #
0:09:44 > 0:09:47I thought you were the one who was supposed to like music.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49I do like music, and I'd like to protect it.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51# Giant body...
0:09:51 > 0:09:56# Ken, Ken, Ken, Ken Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken-Ken
0:09:56 > 0:10:02# Ken...is huge! #
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- NOW I'm hungry! - THEY LAUGH
0:10:09 > 0:10:11You're looking at my hat, aren't you, Ken?
0:10:11 > 0:10:15It's a Tibetan guru hat. Actually channels a lot of really powerful mountain energy.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17You're a guru today, are you?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Today and every day, and as a guru it is my task
0:10:20 > 0:10:24to draw out the abilities of super-talented people around me.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26People like...
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Oh yeah, Connie!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Steve is going to eat his words when she's a professional singer.
0:10:32 > 0:10:35A professional singer? And how exactly is that going to happen?
0:10:35 > 0:10:39Luckily for me, Cuckoo tells me he's a really good teacher.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42Guilty! And do you know why I'm a really good teacher, Ken?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- No.- Because I listen.
0:10:44 > 0:10:45- The thing...- Shh!
0:10:46 > 0:10:48I listen.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52What?
0:10:54 > 0:10:56Isn't it sweet!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58She says she wants to be a singer.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00If she can be a singer, I can be a singer!
0:11:00 > 0:11:03- That's a bit arrogant, Ken! - How long is she staying, Lorn?
0:11:03 > 0:11:07Well, that's up to her. Look, it's just a tiff with Steve.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09It'll blow over soon enough.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11Just, whatever you do, don't get involved.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16Mum and Dad, I really feel that if Connie is staying here,
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Zoe should be here too.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21She could stay in my room.
0:11:21 > 0:11:22What?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Oh, I didn't mean it like that! You guys have filthy minds.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29I pity you.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32We're going to go get going.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Cuckoo, Cuckoo.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36About this guru thing.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40You seem to be putting a load of silly notions into Connie's head.
0:11:40 > 0:11:44OK, Ken, if I break a glass, I will apologise.
0:11:44 > 0:11:48If I break someone's electric razor, I will apologise.
0:11:48 > 0:11:54Sorry about that, by the way. But if I break some lost soul out of her spiritual prison
0:11:54 > 0:11:58and help her reach her dreams, then I will not apologise.
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Unless in doing so, I break a glass.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Which, in this case, I have not.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Cuckoo, what do you even know about singing?
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Check this out.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11# Don't, don't you want me?
0:12:11 > 0:12:14# You know I don't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
0:12:14 > 0:12:19# Don't, don't you want me now?
0:12:19 > 0:12:21# You know I don't believe it
0:12:21 > 0:12:23# When you say that you don't need me... #
0:12:23 > 0:12:28Ah, man, I was beautiful back then. But so lost.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29MUSIC STOPS
0:12:29 > 0:12:32And there are even some people,
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- HE RAISES VOICE:- like Ken,
0:12:34 > 0:12:36would have considered me successful
0:12:36 > 0:12:39what with my place at Yale and my recording contract.
0:12:39 > 0:12:43But, in here, I was bottom of the class.
0:12:43 > 0:12:48So, I left the country, did a lot of drugs - which I am NOT proud of.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And some drugs that I am proud of,
0:12:50 > 0:12:53and became the man that stands before you today.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Why are you telling me this?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Connie, we can be anything we choose if we want it enough.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02All we have to do is believe in ourselves.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Do you believe in yourself?
0:13:04 > 0:13:05Yes!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08No, you don't! You think you're worthless. Say it.
0:13:08 > 0:13:10I think I'm worthless.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Exactly.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15And you've got to get rid of that negativity
0:13:15 > 0:13:18if you're going to become the singer that you've always known you are.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21You're going to have to change.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Not here.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25Here.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27In my mind?
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Marks.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Let's begin.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38There's over 400 ways to hit a bongo.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40You are about to do your first.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47Ohhh, yeah!
0:13:50 > 0:13:51< Very good.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Great acoustics in here!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Good. Good.
0:14:00 > 0:14:01BAD!
0:14:02 > 0:14:04< Bad!
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Ooh, Ken! Look at that face.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11THEY CHANT
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Shut up!
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Shut up!
0:14:14 > 0:14:16SHE SINGS
0:14:16 > 0:14:17Hey, I hope you don't mind.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20We used some of your clothes to make a vocal booth.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24'Hey, Ken. We used this little tape thing
0:14:24 > 0:14:27'for some of Connie's song ideas. And go.'
0:14:27 > 0:14:29SHE SINGS WORDLESSLY
0:14:29 > 0:14:31'Good.'
0:14:33 > 0:14:34SINGING STOPS
0:14:37 > 0:14:39Well, she'll have to go.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- If you don't ask her, I will. - Don't you dare!
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Connie needs our support.
0:14:43 > 0:14:46And Steve is a slightly strange guy.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Some of the things she has to put up with!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Oh, come on then,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56oh collector of gossip. Lay down the day's catch.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Well...
0:14:59 > 0:15:02he is obsessed with the curtains.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05He goes mental if they're drawn during the day.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07And he's always watching fishing shows.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10And he's into sexual role-play.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Well, you certainly kept the best till last!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15What does he do for sexual role-play?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Oh, shit - I didn't say that.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18Come on - role-play! I'm waiting.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- I promised I wouldn't tell.- Go on.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- No, I can't.- Go on! You know you want to.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26OK, I can't resist.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Steve pretends to be you.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32What?
0:15:32 > 0:15:36Steve pretends to be you every time he has sex with Connie.
0:15:38 > 0:15:40I have this mixture of feeling flattered
0:15:40 > 0:15:43and like I want to die.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Wait, wait - I've got something that WILL cheer you up.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50It's just a little present to say sorry
0:15:50 > 0:15:54for forgetting about the anniversary and everything.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Oh, Lorn.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- It's Ozzy!- Wow!
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Wow!
0:16:07 > 0:16:09No, I don't understand.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10Oh, you remember.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13That night, down by the canal. You know!
0:16:13 > 0:16:16And I was...doing my thing,
0:16:16 > 0:16:18and a guy walked past and saw us
0:16:18 > 0:16:21and he looked like Ozzy Osbourne, and we were like, "Ha ha ha!"
0:16:21 > 0:16:23It was the night the Berlin Wall fell.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25I remember because you were really pleased.
0:16:25 > 0:16:29- The night the Berlin Wall fell? - Yeah. When was it? '92, '93?
0:16:31 > 0:16:32'89.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35You silly! We hadn't even met in 1989.
0:16:37 > 0:16:38Oh, shit.
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Goodnight.
0:16:41 > 0:16:42Paul McCartney.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43Yes.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Elvis Presley.
0:16:44 > 0:16:45Good. Who else?
0:16:45 > 0:16:46One Direction.
0:16:46 > 0:16:47Good, good.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- Michelle McManus. - Keep 'em coming.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52Cuckoo, what's going on?
0:16:52 > 0:16:55Connie's singing in front of the public for the first time tomorrow.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58By chanting the names of legends of pop music,
0:16:58 > 0:17:01she invokes their spirits and takes on their attributes.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04Robert Palmer.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Shaggy.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07It's a technique I learned from a guru in Bhutan.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11I would spend all day chanting the names of enlightened thinkers
0:17:11 > 0:17:12whilst he cleaned the monastery.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14Shania Twain.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15You know you have got work tomorrow?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19- This is my work, Rach. Inspiring people!- Dappy!
0:17:19 > 0:17:22You had to know selling potatoes wasn't going to be enough for me.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Here, think of it this way.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Without my teaching, I'm only this.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29But with it, I'm this.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31So much better!
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Sparkly potato of learning!
0:17:34 > 0:17:35Do you understand?
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Aw, baby!
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall, Mick Hucknall.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44She's starting to believe.
0:17:45 > 0:17:49OK, Connie, this is the greatest challenge yet for your confidence.
0:17:49 > 0:17:51The Greeks call this a cappella,
0:17:51 > 0:17:55but I call it Mak-Shala music.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56What does that mean?
0:17:58 > 0:18:00- HE WHISPERS:- It doesn't mean anything.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Now sing!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06HUMS "SEVEN NATION ARMY"
0:18:09 > 0:18:12CONNIE JOINS IN
0:18:12 > 0:18:13OK, listen up, everyone!
0:18:15 > 0:18:17This beautiful woman's name is Connie Chance,
0:18:17 > 0:18:21and she is here today to make it big in the music business.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23So, if by some awesome coincidence
0:18:23 > 0:18:26one of you happens to be a record executive...
0:18:27 > 0:18:33..will he or she please step up and make her dreams come true
0:18:33 > 0:18:35with a million-dollar record contract?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Anyone at all.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40# Picture this We were both butt naked
0:18:40 > 0:18:41# Banging on the bathroom floor
0:18:41 > 0:18:44# How could I forget that...
0:18:44 > 0:18:45That's Shaggy!
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Any label, big or small...
0:18:48 > 0:18:49# You really got me now...
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Anybody from Motown in the house?
0:18:52 > 0:18:55THEY HUM "SEVEN NATION ARMY" WILDLY
0:18:59 > 0:19:02Just anyone with some music management experience,
0:19:02 > 0:19:04maybe some good industry contacts?
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Anyone here fit that description?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# Ain't nobody loves me better...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Very sexy.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13# Youuu...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Jeez, what are the odds?
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Hey! Was that you singing?
0:19:17 > 0:19:18That was wonderful.
0:19:18 > 0:19:22I have a proposition. I would love you to come and sing in my club.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24We'll take it!
0:19:46 > 0:19:49Hey, Ken, it's Cuckoo and Connie.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Connie wants to talk to you about something.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Oh, God, no.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Connie has something to say to you, Ken.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00- HE WHISPERS:- Be strong.
0:20:00 > 0:20:04You doubted me, Ken Thompson. But I have proved you wrong.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Today I was offered my first gig at Alexandro's Pizza Palace,
0:20:07 > 0:20:09proving that Cuckoo was right and you were wrong,
0:20:09 > 0:20:12and that he's probably right about most other things too.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15She wrote that herself. That was beautiful, Connie.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Well, I think we're done here.
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Have a good one, Ken.
0:20:19 > 0:20:20Connie?
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Ken.
0:20:26 > 0:20:27Connie - wow.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29The last few days have been wonderful.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30I've had such a blast.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Oh, so have I! And I've learnt so much!
0:20:34 > 0:20:36Question is, Connie - what now?
0:20:36 > 0:20:41Now you've proven everyone wrong - me, Steve, all the haters.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43I can't help thinking about your family -
0:20:43 > 0:20:47they're all sitting at home, wondering what you're up to.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Maybe now's the time to pop back and tell them what the deal is.
0:20:50 > 0:20:55Well - my first concert is at the pizza place on Saturday.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Seems wrong to make any decisions just yet.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01No, it's the start of a glittering career.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Fantastic. It's time to get on with life - move on.
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Yes. Maybe you're right.
0:21:09 > 0:21:13I thought it was just a tiff, but yes -
0:21:13 > 0:21:14maybe I should divorce Steve.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16What?
0:21:16 > 0:21:17What's the point pretending?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I'm a brand new person.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23I need a sparkling new life to go with it. Thanks, Ken.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25No, but...w...
0:21:25 > 0:21:26Connie, wait...
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Lorna! Big news! >
0:21:28 > 0:21:32I've had a great chat with Ken > and I'm getting a divorce!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Got your text.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Guess you're pretty pleased with yourself, aren't you?- What?!
0:21:41 > 0:21:43Oh, come on, Ken.
0:21:43 > 0:21:46We both know what's been going on these last 15 years.
0:21:46 > 0:21:50Who's got the cleverest kids? Who's got the nicest kitchen?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51It's only natural -
0:21:51 > 0:21:55can't have two Lion Kings on the Lichfield savannah.
0:21:55 > 0:21:59Steve, I can honestly say that I have never once...
0:21:59 > 0:22:00I was winning!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Zeb snogged Rachel a few years back.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05I've got a nicer kitchen.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08But then this.
0:22:08 > 0:22:10This...
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Your hippie son-in-law stealing my wife from me!
0:22:13 > 0:22:15Christ. I never saw that coming.
0:22:16 > 0:22:20You've gone two goals up in Ken-and-Steve-ball.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Two goals up.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Steve, you and Connie have got to get back together.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29For the sake of your family and my sanity.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32You have to tell Connie you respect her singing.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36Never! You don't know what it's like.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39In the early stages of the marriage she sang in the kitchen.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41She sang in the shower.
0:22:41 > 0:22:45She was like a shit stereo giving me less and less intercourse.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I miss her!
0:22:52 > 0:22:53I miss her so much.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57I miss her.
0:22:57 > 0:22:58Connie!
0:23:01 > 0:23:02Connie!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05CONNIE!
0:23:07 > 0:23:12# Well I know without a doubt
0:23:12 > 0:23:14# My heart...
0:23:14 > 0:23:17OK, Connie. Quick technique for nerves - when you're up there,
0:23:17 > 0:23:19direct your performance at one member of the audience
0:23:19 > 0:23:21and imagine them completely naked.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23Just anyone at all.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Maybe Ken, for example.
0:23:25 > 0:23:26- Will do.- OK.
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Hello!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38I'm just going to go and use the facilities.
0:23:41 > 0:23:45# We'll kiss just as before...
0:23:46 > 0:23:48OK, I've spoken to Alexandro.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50As soon as this song's finished,
0:23:50 > 0:23:51you go up, introduce Connie -
0:23:51 > 0:23:54say something complimentary, all wounds are healed.
0:23:54 > 0:23:55Sorted.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Look, Ken, I know we've had our differences in the past,
0:23:57 > 0:24:00but this whole thing has made me realise
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- what a great best friend you are.- No!- Yes!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05And when I get my woman back,
0:24:05 > 0:24:08we are going on a safari holiday together.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10One step at a time, eh, Steve?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Not bad, not bad.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Hello, ladies and gentleman! - Steve!
0:24:31 > 0:24:34It's a wonderful warm evening out there, and I want you to welcome
0:24:34 > 0:24:37a wonderful, hot lady to the stage - Connie Chance!
0:24:37 > 0:24:39What's Steve doing here?
0:24:39 > 0:24:40Connie, I just want to say
0:24:40 > 0:24:43in front of all these good people here this evening,
0:24:43 > 0:24:45you have a wonderful voice -
0:24:45 > 0:24:47and I was wrong in finding it
0:24:47 > 0:24:50grating and grinding and horrible.
0:24:50 > 0:24:56Ladies and gentlemen, Lichfield's answer to Susan Boyle -
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Connie Chance!
0:25:07 > 0:25:10This one's for all the lovers in the audience tonight.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15# A dying flame
0:25:16 > 0:25:18# You're free again
0:25:19 > 0:25:21THEY MOUTH
0:25:21 > 0:25:23# Who could love...? #
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Guess who told her to sing this one?
0:25:27 > 0:25:29You?
0:25:29 > 0:25:31It's our song, Ken.
0:25:31 > 0:25:32# All dressed in black... #
0:25:32 > 0:25:36You remember? That long, hot summer of '87.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Unbelievable!
0:25:38 > 0:25:41# Fool if you think it's over
0:25:43 > 0:25:45# Cos you said goodbye
0:25:47 > 0:25:50# Fool if you think it's over... #
0:25:51 > 0:25:52I did it!
0:25:52 > 0:25:54It worked!
0:25:54 > 0:25:57Everything turned out just as we'd hoped. I love a happy ending.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59And now, if I may - a duet?
0:26:00 > 0:26:04Do you know "Relight My Fire" by Take That?
0:26:04 > 0:26:05I love Take That!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Here we go, Connie. Dig deep!
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Go on, Connie!
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# Help me escape this feeling of insecurity
0:26:24 > 0:26:26# A-ha
0:26:26 > 0:26:30# I need you so much but I don't think you really need me
0:26:32 > 0:26:33# A-ha
0:26:33 > 0:26:36# But I must say I only dream of you
0:26:36 > 0:26:39# But like a thief in the night
0:26:39 > 0:26:43# You took away the love that I knew
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Go, Connie! Go, girl!
0:26:45 > 0:26:48(BOTH) # Relight my fire
0:26:50 > 0:26:53# Your love is my only desire
0:26:53 > 0:26:54# Relight my fire
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Yeah! (This is great!)
0:26:57 > 0:26:59Connie, you're the best!
0:26:59 > 0:27:02# ..nee-ee-eed your love. #
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Fucking hell.
0:27:19 > 0:27:20OK...is it just me,
0:27:20 > 0:27:23or does anybody else have goose bumps right now?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd