0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Do you have any kind of marriage certificate? - My brother, I have better.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14The monk who married us gave me this half of a coconut.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16And me the other half.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22I love you so much!
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Oh, baby!
0:00:25 > 0:00:26HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:00:28 > 0:00:30I'm looking for proof of marriage,
0:00:30 > 0:00:32and this is a coconut.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35Why don't you show that coconut to your boss, OK?
0:00:35 > 0:00:38You've been living here for three months with no visa,
0:00:38 > 0:00:41you're not married, which means you're working illegally,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43and if that's not resolved, your uh...
0:00:43 > 0:00:46philosophical potato van will be closed down
0:00:46 > 0:00:47and you will be deported!
0:00:47 > 0:00:51I'm sorry, but we deal in legal documents, not fruit.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- This is a nut.- It's a nut.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- No.- No.- Coconut belongs to the class of fruit drupe,
0:00:56 > 0:00:57like the mango or the olive.
0:00:57 > 0:01:00You guys at UK border protection really know a lot, huh?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03It saves lives.
0:01:09 > 0:01:14OK, so it turns out that Cuckoo and I are not actually married!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16- Sorry, what?- Well, what about Thailand, the beach!
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Apparently that wasn't official, so it doesn't count!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22THEY LAUGH
0:01:22 > 0:01:23That is funny.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- Yeah, it certainly does cast a different perspective on the last three months, huh, Ken?- Yeah!
0:01:28 > 0:01:31- So we're going to get married on Saturday!- What! Why?
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Because we love each other!
0:01:32 > 0:01:34And there are legal complications if we don't.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36We could have it in the garden!
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- Great idea, Mum!- Rach! Ah!
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Hey, whoa! Let's just slow this car right down, eh, guys?
0:01:40 > 0:01:44Maybe it would be better if you didn't get married!
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Better how, Ken? - Yes, how, Dad?
0:01:47 > 0:01:51You know, marriage is just so old school and stuffy and binding.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54Not getting married, hah, that is funky.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56That's way more you.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58If we don't get married, they'll deport Cuckoo.
0:01:58 > 0:01:59And maybe that will be a good thing!
0:01:59 > 0:02:04Maybe distance is the test that your love has been seeking!
0:02:04 > 0:02:08Maybe by being further apart, you'd actually become closer together.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Hah.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Well, that is a very beautiful thought, Ken,
0:02:12 > 0:02:15but if I got deported, what would happen to the potato van?
0:02:15 > 0:02:19Plus...Rachel gets really cranky when she doesn't get laid.
0:02:19 > 0:02:20THEY CHUCKLE
0:02:20 > 0:02:21I do.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22She does!
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- You do.- I know.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26THEY LAUGH
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- It's my fault. - I know, it is all your fault!
0:02:29 > 0:02:31THEY LAUGH
0:02:31 > 0:02:34What was that in there? It's like you don't want them to get married!
0:02:34 > 0:02:35I don't! Of course I don't!
0:02:35 > 0:02:37What? You love Cuckoo!
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Have you been here for the last three months?
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Ken, you are being silly.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I remember my mum saying to me,
0:02:43 > 0:02:45"Marry a man that tall and you'll die of neck ache."
0:02:45 > 0:02:49Well, I did, and it is nothing the chiropractor can't handle!
0:02:49 > 0:02:51Cuckoo has got a heart of gold!
0:02:51 > 0:02:53And he adores Rachel.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55What more could any parents ask!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Some more!
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Lorna, we've got to stop this!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I am having a wedding, Ken. I am owed a wedding!
0:03:04 > 0:03:09Hey, hey, hey, there he is, my father-in-law-to-be!
0:03:09 > 0:03:12- COCKNEY ACCENT:- Hope he likes me! Trying to make a good impression, guv'nor!
0:03:12 > 0:03:16- Don't try an English accent, Cuckoo, it's offensive to my culture.- Oh...
0:03:16 > 0:03:18OK, I'm so sorry.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Anyways, back on track,
0:03:20 > 0:03:23I have been giving a lot of thought to your British tradition,
0:03:23 > 0:03:24the stag do,
0:03:24 > 0:03:28and who would make the perfect candidate for the best man honours?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32DRUM ROLL
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- It's you, Ken!- Ah... - Bring it in!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Oh, Cuckoo, Ken is already the father of the bride.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Perfect, he can do both!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45Actually, babe, maybe Dad's already got enough to do at the ceremony,
0:03:45 > 0:03:49what with giving me away and the kiss of brotherhood.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52I'm sorry, the kiss of brotherhood?
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Oh, Ken, it's this beautiful Buddhist tradition
0:03:55 > 0:03:59where the groom and the father of the bride share a symbolic embrace
0:03:59 > 0:04:01to welcome the groom into the family.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04But fear not, Ken, no tongues.
0:04:04 > 0:04:07THEY LAUGH
0:04:07 > 0:04:10I'm sorry, you want us to snog in front of all my friends and family?
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Well, yeah, but you can say no, Ken.
0:04:13 > 0:04:14Oh, good. No.
0:04:14 > 0:04:17Oh, don't give your answer just yet!
0:04:17 > 0:04:20I will give my answer now! No!
0:04:20 > 0:04:22- Please don't say no.- No!
0:04:22 > 0:04:23I'm hearing what you're saying,
0:04:23 > 0:04:26but what about if you said something that rhymed with chess?
0:04:26 > 0:04:28- No!- Great, so you'll think about it!
0:04:32 > 0:04:34We're getting married!
0:04:34 > 0:04:35SHE CHUCKLES
0:04:37 > 0:04:38What?!
0:04:39 > 0:04:40Ken!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Ken!
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Have you seen Ken? He's really tall.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48- Has anyone seen him? - Sorry.
0:04:48 > 0:04:49Ken!
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Ken!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Ah, there you are.
0:04:55 > 0:04:58Steve, how did you get past reception?
0:04:58 > 0:05:00I told them we were brothers
0:05:00 > 0:05:03and that our dad got burned in a house fire.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05Look sad or they won't suck it up!
0:05:07 > 0:05:09Have you heard from Connie?
0:05:09 > 0:05:13Last time I heard she was planning a holiday with Alexandro.
0:05:13 > 0:05:14Alexandro!
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Arh, Alexandro!
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Come on!
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Alexandro!
0:05:19 > 0:05:22The guy I really blame for this is Cuckoo. I mean, he started it all.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25- And you. You've been weak. - Me?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Yeah. If my son-in-law went around playing the wally
0:05:28 > 0:05:30breaking up my friend's marriages,
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I'd give him a morote seoi nage.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- A what?- It's a judo move.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35A two-arm shoulder throw.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- I'll show you. - Get off me, you bell end!
0:05:37 > 0:05:41For what it's worth, he isn't my son-in-law.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Apparently, Rachel's marriage wasn't even official.- Not official!
0:05:44 > 0:05:46Ken, this is a game-changer!
0:05:46 > 0:05:48This is our window!
0:05:48 > 0:05:51We can get rid of Cuckoo once and for all.
0:05:51 > 0:05:55Don't tell me you wouldn't be happy if someone didn't put that boy on a boat out of here!
0:05:55 > 0:05:57OK, yes! If I could, I would!
0:05:57 > 0:05:59But it's not possible, Steve!
0:05:59 > 0:06:03And you need to go home, have a lie down and phone a psychologist.
0:06:03 > 0:06:07I just wanted you to know you've got an ally in me.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11An enemy of my enemy is my friend.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20Hey, Ken, sorry to hear about your father.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I mean, the fire. What a way to go.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28So I was thinking, classic rose garden theme.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30White flowers, pinks,
0:06:30 > 0:06:33probably a string quartet playing some classical stuff.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Wow, Mum, amazing idea!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Thank you!
0:06:37 > 0:06:40A great start. Just building on that, instead of the flowers,
0:06:40 > 0:06:42we could have African fertility statues.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Um... Yeah!
0:06:43 > 0:06:47And instead of the strings, we could have say, like, a quartet of bongo players.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Great! Rach, we are so on the same page!
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Uh-huh.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Uh... Building on what you said, I was thinking that, yeah,
0:06:55 > 0:07:01except maybe...rose garden and string quartet,
0:07:01 > 0:07:05because most people find bongo playing very repetitive.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- Well, you can hit a bongo in 400 different ways. - Not in a wedding, you can't?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10Yes, you can! Write down bongos.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Write it down!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Dad, I want to talk to you about Cuckoo's stag night.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18I need £200 for the lap-dancing club.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- He's asked you to be his best man? - Not yet, but you said no and I'm the only other guy he knows.
0:07:21 > 0:07:22DOOR CLOSES
0:07:22 > 0:07:24It's Cuckoo!
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Hello, Cuckoo! Good day at the van?
0:07:26 > 0:07:30Awesome day, thanks for asking, and I have some big news!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I chose who my best man is going to be.
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Cuckoo, you are not going to regret this. We're going to see like a million tits!
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Ha-ha, yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Steve Chance!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42HE CLAPS
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Woo!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46THEY LAUGH
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Whoop! There he goes.
0:07:48 > 0:07:51Yeah, he's been doing that a lot. Back up!
0:07:51 > 0:07:53THEY CHUCKLE
0:07:53 > 0:07:55Yeah, I ran into him in town and just had a brainwave.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57I mean, how perfect is this guy!
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Perfect? How?
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Well, let's see.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04One, he's a guy. Two, he's a hell of a guy!
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Yeah!
0:08:05 > 0:08:08And three, the best man's gotta know how to party
0:08:08 > 0:08:10and this guy was drunk at 11.30 on a weekday.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I was. I am.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Steve, do you really think that this is the best role for you?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19Lorna, are you worrying because I basically broke up Steve's marriage?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Well, yes.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24THEY LAUGH
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- She is.- I'm going to throw this ruffian the best stag do in history.
0:08:29 > 0:08:30To Cuckoo.
0:08:30 > 0:08:34- Ah...- Great guy, I think we'll all agree.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39I know how to pick 'em!
0:08:40 > 0:08:42Steve, what the hell are you doing?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44I've worked my way inside.
0:08:44 > 0:08:47As best man, I've got total control over Cuckoo's stag.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50Here's the plan - we hire a girl,
0:08:50 > 0:08:52she gets off with Cuckoo,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54I take a photo on my fourth-generation smartphone
0:08:54 > 0:08:56and send it to Rachel.
0:08:56 > 0:08:57Textbook honey trap!
0:08:57 > 0:08:59That is crazy! That's completely mad!
0:08:59 > 0:09:02And besides, Cuckoo would never do anything. He adores Rachel.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Well, he'd be so drunk he won't know what he's doing!
0:09:05 > 0:09:07He'll be catatonic.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11She'll kind of drape herself over him.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12I'll show you.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- You like on the floor. - No need, I get it.
0:09:15 > 0:09:18Rachel's a feisty girl, she'll have doubts.
0:09:18 > 0:09:22But you get to work turning doubt into get out...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25..of my house.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Steve, I have to admit the plan has a certain beauty.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31We never had this conversation.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Cool. I'll erase the tape.
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Oh, fucking hell, there's so many buttons.
0:09:45 > 0:09:49I can't help thinking that Steve is a bad choice for best man.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Poor little Dylly, he was so looking forward to it.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I think Dylan would have arranged a night of nothing but strip bars.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58Well, why not?
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Let your hair down, a bit of innocent fun.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Lorna, we don't approve of strip bars!
0:10:02 > 0:10:07Oh, Ken, it's not like the girls actually take their clothes off!
0:10:07 > 0:10:11- How do you mean?- Well, it's not about titillation, is it,
0:10:11 > 0:10:14it's about the art of tease and asserting women!
0:10:14 > 0:10:17You remember, we saw that BBC Four documentary about it.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20That was about burlesque in the 1940s!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22It's the same thing, you drongo!
0:10:22 > 0:10:24It won't have changed that much!
0:10:26 > 0:10:28It's not the same thing.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29HE CHUCKLES
0:10:29 > 0:10:31How do you know?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34You're probably right!
0:10:34 > 0:10:36Probably is the same thing.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Night!
0:10:42 > 0:10:47Steve, mate, I overheard Cuckoo talking to Rachel earlier
0:10:47 > 0:10:48and he said he'd be devastated
0:10:48 > 0:10:50if he didn't visit a traditional English strip bar.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52Let's not break his heart.
0:10:52 > 0:10:54Dylan, we're not going to a lap-dancing club.
0:10:54 > 0:10:56It's for Cuckoo, Dad!
0:10:56 > 0:10:58God, you're so wrapped up in yourself!
0:10:58 > 0:10:59Am I?
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Stag do!
0:11:01 > 0:11:02ALL: Yeah!
0:11:02 > 0:11:06The groom-to-be, or should I say the victim-to-be?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08THEY CHUCKLE
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Your costume, Sir.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Ah!- You got me a costume! Steve!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14HE CHUCKLES
0:11:14 > 0:11:16And I want you to know I'm ready for your stag do prank.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Who said I'm going to do a prank?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- Arh!- Arh!
0:11:23 > 0:11:24- Yeah!- Ha!
0:11:24 > 0:11:25THEY LAUGH
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Stag do!
0:11:29 > 0:11:32ALL: Stag do!
0:11:32 > 0:11:34Right, these are the stag rules.
0:11:34 > 0:11:37You have to drink every time you make a factual error
0:11:37 > 0:11:38or you say a colour,
0:11:38 > 0:11:42and every time you call the stag Cuckoo instead of Special Baby.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Rah-hah!
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Also, when you say "a" or "the."
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Now, when you put a...
0:11:47 > 0:11:48- Steve?- What?
0:11:48 > 0:11:50- Where exactly are we going? - Liverpool.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Liverpool! That's miles away!
0:11:52 > 0:11:53Yeah.
0:11:53 > 0:11:56Some of the best bars are in Liverpool, full of fit birds, eh,
0:11:56 > 0:11:59like on Hollyoaks, Dylan, ha-ha!
0:11:59 > 0:12:01No, Steve, Hollyoaks is filmed in Cheshire!
0:12:01 > 0:12:03- Drink! Drink! - Oh-ho-ho.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Arh, yeah!
0:12:04 > 0:12:07Boys, boys, Steve is driving along a motorway!
0:12:07 > 0:12:11Nonsense, them's the rules, Ken, them's the rules, and you said "a."
0:12:11 > 0:12:15- Ha-ha!- Drink! - Oh! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!- Yes, drink, all right!
0:12:15 > 0:12:16Stag do!
0:12:16 > 0:12:19ALL: Stag do! Woo!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Woo!
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Yeah.
0:12:38 > 0:12:40Have you got any ID?
0:12:40 > 0:12:41I'm 33, mate!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43It's all right, mate, he's with us.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- He's 18.- You got any ID?
0:12:46 > 0:12:47I'm only kidding you, mate. Go on in.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49THEY LAUGH
0:12:49 > 0:12:51You're awesome! Mwah!
0:12:53 > 0:12:57DISCO MUSIC PLAYS
0:14:17 > 0:14:21It's just the same as in my day. You just find the modern equivalent.
0:14:21 > 0:14:23So first, you tell 'em you're a top stockbroker.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25So... I'm a dotcom millionaire?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Right. And then, you say you know Wham.
0:14:28 > 0:14:29So... I know One Direction!
0:14:29 > 0:14:32OK, but don't admit to being under 30,
0:14:32 > 0:14:36and never confess to any weakness or emotion.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Apart from that, just be yourself.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- THICK SCOUSE ACCENT:- Hiya, guys! You having a good night?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44It's the babe from the agency, Ken.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47I'm dead nervous. It's my first time!
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I've literally got no idea what I'm doing!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Oh, good!- Hey-hey!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54ALL: Hey-hey, Cuckoo!
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Uh-oh, who's our new friend?
0:14:57 > 0:15:00Chantelle. Pleased to meet you. It's boss in 'ere, isn't it?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Yes, completely.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03Chantelle, this is Cuckoo.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Oh, right!
0:15:06 > 0:15:08Ah, I'm made up, cos you're actually quite fit
0:15:08 > 0:15:11and the girl at the agency said you get some proper mingers.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Totally. I completely agree with all of that.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16Is she from Europe?
0:15:16 > 0:15:17THEY LAUGH
0:15:17 > 0:15:22Chantelle, why don't you go and wait over there?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Whoop! She seems nice!
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Yeah, yeah.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Oh!
0:15:28 > 0:15:30- Whoa!- This is my song!
0:15:30 > 0:15:32THEY LAUGH
0:15:32 > 0:15:33Ah! The dance floor calls!
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Oooh!
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Cuckoo train, Cuckoo train!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Woo!
0:15:38 > 0:15:39THEY CHUCKLE
0:15:39 > 0:15:41He's nowhere near drunk enough yet!
0:15:41 > 0:15:44Special Baby's had twice what I've had to drink
0:15:44 > 0:15:46and I AM hammered!
0:15:46 > 0:15:48It's a waiting game, Ken.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Keep your focus!
0:15:50 > 0:15:52MUSIC: "Upside Down" by Diana Ross
0:15:52 > 0:15:53I want to dance.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55No, Ken! Focus!
0:15:55 > 0:15:58It's Diana Ross, Steve! I want to dance!
0:15:58 > 0:15:59No!
0:16:42 > 0:16:44HE LAUGHS
0:16:44 > 0:16:46- You can dance!- You can dance!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49What? Ah!
0:16:49 > 0:16:52- Ah!- Ah!
0:16:52 > 0:16:53HE SIGHS
0:16:53 > 0:16:57You know, my parents split up when I was five.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59My dad didn't really want to know me
0:16:59 > 0:17:02and my mom was always distracted.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I never felt like I had a real family, you know?
0:17:05 > 0:17:08And now, I finally do
0:17:08 > 0:17:10with you guys!
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Thank you, Special Baby.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- I'm the Special Baby. - You're the Special Baby.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Uh, I feel woozy.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24Now's our chance.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26You get Chantelle, I'll get the camera.
0:17:26 > 0:17:31Steve, do you know what, best not do this.
0:17:31 > 0:17:32What?
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Let's just not bother. It's better this way.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37You're probably right.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Sabotaging my own daughter's wedding, Steve,
0:17:40 > 0:17:41it's a bit extreme, isn't it?
0:17:41 > 0:17:44- Completely.- Yeah. - I agree.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49My last best man's duty -
0:17:49 > 0:17:51prostitute's poison to finish off the night.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Ah!
0:17:52 > 0:17:53- Ah!- Why not?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59To forgiveness.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00To forgiveness.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Mmm.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Whoa!
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Steve?
0:18:15 > 0:18:19Steve, what about Dylan?
0:18:19 > 0:18:20He'll be fine!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22And should you be driving?
0:18:22 > 0:18:25It's OK, Ken, I've been faking drinking all evening.
0:18:25 > 0:18:29Ah! Because I was saying about...
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Wha...What the fuck!
0:18:42 > 0:18:46HE GASPS
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Lads!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Dylan! Cuckoo!
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- Dylan?- Yes, Babe.
0:19:03 > 0:19:06OK, I've got a confession to make.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09- Yes, Babe. - I'm not 21, like I said.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10I'm 19.
0:19:10 > 0:19:11Oh, I'm so sorry, Dylan.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Forgiven.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16TELEPHONE RINGS
0:19:19 > 0:19:22That'll be the CEO of my dotcom business.
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Mum!
0:19:23 > 0:19:24- Nickname.- Oh.
0:19:24 > 0:19:25'Dylan?'
0:19:25 > 0:19:29Dylan, where's your dad? Where's your dad, Dylan?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Dad is in another meeting at the moment, I'm afraid.
0:19:32 > 0:19:33Major investor.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36The wedding is at 11.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Dylan, your sister's getting married!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40I'm a little caught up with a client at the moment,
0:19:40 > 0:19:42'so why don't you put the deal together yourself,'
0:19:42 > 0:19:45I'll mosey on down later to help with the sign-off.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47Dylan! Dylan!
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- 'Dylan! Dylan!' - Bad reception, Brian! Bye! Bye!
0:19:51 > 0:19:52Where were we?
0:19:52 > 0:19:56If we do it again, would you mention me to Harry Styles?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Course, babe.
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Oh.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08Excuse me, this is a non-smoking wedding.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Uh!
0:20:09 > 0:20:12That is very rude for a monk!
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Cuckoo!
0:20:21 > 0:20:22Lads!
0:20:24 > 0:20:25Dylan!
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Cuckoo!
0:20:29 > 0:20:30Lads!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Dylan!
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Steve!
0:20:37 > 0:20:39VOICES IN THE BACKGROUND
0:20:42 > 0:20:43Aye.
0:20:43 > 0:20:48THEY SPEAK IN CHINESE
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Ah, good chap.
0:20:49 > 0:20:53Steve, where is Cuckoo!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Ken, how are you?
0:20:55 > 0:20:56Oh, let me guess, little bit of a headache?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Is that Ken? Hey, Ken!
0:20:58 > 0:21:00'This is so fun!'
0:21:00 > 0:21:01Is he in that container?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03'Sure am, buddy! Ho, ho, my God!'
0:21:03 > 0:21:06This must be like the biggest stag do prank ever.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Stag do!
0:21:08 > 0:21:09- Stag do!- 'Stag do!'
0:21:09 > 0:21:12So, as you can see, Ken, everything worked out pretty well!
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Steve, what is happening?!
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Never go into battle with only one exit.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19That's my motto, friend.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22And since you sissied out last night, I activated plan B.
0:21:22 > 0:21:23Ah!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Why is Cuckoo in the container, Steve?
0:21:29 > 0:21:31Uh, uh, you didn't say Special Baby! Drink! Drink! Drink!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33He won't be hurt, Ken.
0:21:33 > 0:21:37After three months on the boat, my good friend Fufan will pop him back on the beach, happy as Larry.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40- 'You drinking?' - You twisted little bastard.
0:21:40 > 0:21:43- I can't do this! - Rachel will get over it soon enough.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45We've got to get him out, Steve!
0:21:45 > 0:21:47He wrecked my marriage, Ken.
0:21:47 > 0:21:48HE SIGHS
0:21:48 > 0:21:51He ruined my life!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Fine, I'll get a port official.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55No, Ken.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I can't allow you to do that, I'm afraid.
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Seriously, Steve?
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Get off! What are you...
0:22:13 > 0:22:16- Ah!- ..doing, you little tit! Argh!
0:22:16 > 0:22:18You've given me a bloody dead leg!
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Ah!
0:22:20 > 0:22:23HE SCREAMS
0:22:23 > 0:22:25'Stag do!'
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Oh! No!
0:22:26 > 0:22:27Yeah!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30'This is awesome, you guys!'
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Ah!
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Snake! Rah!
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Argh! Fuck!
0:22:42 > 0:22:44'Stag do!
0:22:44 > 0:22:46'Stag do!'
0:22:46 > 0:22:47Ah! He is at Cambridge.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49- He's not at Cambridge! - He's at Cambridge!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51He's not at Cambridge!
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Calm!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59- Yes?- Yes.
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Arh!
0:23:04 > 0:23:08'This is so hilarious! Woo, Special Baby!'
0:23:08 > 0:23:10- Ah!- Yes!
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Fucking idiot!
0:23:25 > 0:23:26'Whoa! Ah-ha-ha!'
0:23:26 > 0:23:29I'm flying! I'm flying!
0:23:29 > 0:23:32Ah, this is an awesome. Stag do!
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh!
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Arh!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39Cuckoo!
0:23:50 > 0:23:52'Woo!'
0:23:52 > 0:23:54Special Baby!
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Oh!
0:23:56 > 0:23:57Oh, God.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00HE PANTS
0:24:00 > 0:24:01HE COUGHS
0:24:03 > 0:24:06No, come on, Ken!
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Come on!
0:24:14 > 0:24:17SHIP HORN BLOWING
0:24:24 > 0:24:25Stop the ship!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Hey, stop the ship!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Hey, stop the ship!
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Stop!
0:24:33 > 0:24:34Hey!
0:24:34 > 0:24:36SHIP HORN BLOWS
0:24:36 > 0:24:38HE PANTS
0:24:38 > 0:24:40TELEPHONE RINGS
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Hi, Lorn.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46Uh... Bit of a mess-up our end.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Uh... It's a funny story, really.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Well, where do I start with this?
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Stag do!
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Hoo! You guys almost got me.
0:25:00 > 0:25:02- Oh!- Oh, you jokesters.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Ah, good thing for me
0:25:03 > 0:25:07I was an escapologist for two years in Ulan Bator.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09- You didn't know that, did you? - Cuckoo.
0:25:09 > 0:25:10THEY CHUCKLE
0:25:10 > 0:25:11HE SIGHS
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Hold me against your big, warm body, Ken.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Hah, the ocean was so cold.
0:25:18 > 0:25:20I swam so far.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23A lot of backstroke.
0:25:23 > 0:25:24THEY SIGH
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- Let's get you back to the van. - OK.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Wait, what about Steve?
0:25:28 > 0:25:29He's not coming, Cuckoo.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- Ah, I get it, joke's on him! - The joke's on him.
0:25:31 > 0:25:34- Joke's on him this time! - That's right.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46Dad, I'm just going to go and have a check.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Oh. I'll hang on here.
0:25:48 > 0:25:49Yes.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56You look lovely. Oh.
0:25:56 > 0:25:57Thanks, Mum.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Nice.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Did we make it?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09With 20 minutes to spare.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10We were so lucky on the Mersey turnpike
0:26:10 > 0:26:12and we made great time from then on in.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17You know, Ken, I'm glad Steve's not here because, honestly,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20I did not enjoy being tied up in that container!
0:26:20 > 0:26:22I mean, I'm not even sure it was that funny.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24It wasn't! It was a genuine attempt to get rid of you!
0:26:24 > 0:26:26- No.- Yes!
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Holy shit!
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Steve hadn't really forgiven me?
0:26:30 > 0:26:36You know, Ken, with no Steve, I'm going to need a new best man!
0:26:36 > 0:26:37Ah!
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Just say yes!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45Well, you gave me a fright!
0:26:45 > 0:26:46Sounds like you've had a big one!
0:26:46 > 0:26:49BOTH: Pretty big one, yeah, we went to Liverpool.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- Where's Dylan?- Dylan!
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Dylan!
0:26:53 > 0:26:55DOOR OPENS
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Ah, hello, love. Have you had fun?
0:26:57 > 0:27:01Well, last night I lost my virginity to a very nice lady
0:27:01 > 0:27:04who, I think, might have been a prostitute!
0:27:04 > 0:27:08As if! Get your asses out here!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35Who gives away this woman?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36I do.
0:27:36 > 0:27:38Who has the rings?
0:27:41 > 0:27:42I do.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Do this right.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04You may kiss the bride.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Yeah!
0:28:20 > 0:28:22We got married!
0:28:22 > 0:28:23HE CHUCKLES
0:28:23 > 0:28:25Yes! Woo!
0:28:25 > 0:28:26Peter, we did it!
0:28:26 > 0:28:28HE LAUGHS
0:28:28 > 0:28:31Are we going to do the kiss of the brotherhood?
0:28:31 > 0:28:34Oh no, Peter, it's fine, we're just going to skip that part.
0:28:34 > 0:28:35It doesn't matter. It's not a big deal.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37Oh...
0:28:37 > 0:28:38Come 'ere.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42GUESTS: Woo!
0:28:42 > 0:28:44APPLAUSE
0:29:09 > 0:29:12Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd