0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:06KEN: No, no, no!
0:00:06 > 0:00:09I don't want to go to Steve and Connie's, why did you agree to that?
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- You're supposed to love me. - Connie's making a pudding.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Don't trick me with Connie's pudding again.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16Steve is really looking forward to seeing you.
0:00:16 > 0:00:18Don't you want to see your friends?
0:00:18 > 0:00:19Steve is not my friend.
0:00:19 > 0:00:23I'm seeing MY friends this weekend at the university reunion piss-up.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26They're the people I like. Kind of like.
0:00:26 > 0:00:29You see more of Steve than you do of all of that lot put together.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31I think that's the saddest thing that anyone's ever said.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33HE SIGHS
0:00:35 > 0:00:36What're you two doing tonight?
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Mortgage forms. Woo(!)
0:00:38 > 0:00:42Got a meet with an advisor tomorrow, but later we're watching a DVD.
0:00:42 > 0:00:45Oh, calm down, Sid and Nancy. Someone's going to get hurt.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Heh...
0:00:46 > 0:00:50- Hey, Mom!- Oh, please don't call me that.- Check this out.
0:00:50 > 0:00:51DING!
0:00:51 > 0:00:53HE GIGGLES
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I learned a song too.
0:00:56 > 0:01:01# Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
0:01:01 > 0:01:02# Krishna, Krishna... #
0:01:08 > 0:01:12# Rama, rama Hare Rama. #
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Meet anyone interesting today?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Yes, I did, Ken. These really super sweet guys.
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Bald-headed guys?- Yes!
0:01:21 > 0:01:23Were they in the shopping centre giving out leaflets?
0:01:23 > 0:01:25You know them too?!
0:01:25 > 0:01:28The nicest folk I've met since I've been here.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Well, aside from those super-friendly
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Jehovah's Witness guys last Wednesday.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Yes. This also happened.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Ken told me I should stop talking to them.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39After all, I did just get out of some cult myself.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Not going to dive back into another one any time soon!
0:01:42 > 0:01:43Oh, Dale...
0:01:43 > 0:01:45What?
0:01:48 > 0:01:49No.
0:01:49 > 0:01:50Yes.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Are you serious?!
0:01:52 > 0:01:54You gotta be kidding me!
0:01:54 > 0:01:57Oh, look, it's the Dale-lai Lama!
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Dale-lai Lama, Ken.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Here's the woman I married.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04Very nice!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Change now.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10It's pure bullshit. I mean, if you look at the real data,
0:02:10 > 0:02:12they are in fact harmless.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14We should all be taking them, all of us.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16It's just not politically correct to say so.
0:02:16 > 0:02:20Yeah, regardless, I'll have the pate without steroids, please.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23All right. I've forgotten which is which now.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25The chicken liver. God, Steve!
0:02:25 > 0:02:28OK, I'm just trying to change things from the norm.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31Like we do in this house, apparently.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Sorry, guys. Steve still gets jealous
0:02:33 > 0:02:35about my having a Latin stallion of a lover.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38But mostly, the three of us get along just fine.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Isn't that right, Pepe?
0:02:42 > 0:02:45So, Dale, how are you settling in?
0:02:45 > 0:02:48Oh, great! Everyone's so nice here.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51Though, no offence, you do live pretty weird lives.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53I mean, you have no discernible leader,
0:02:53 > 0:02:56children live with their own parents.
0:02:56 > 0:02:59Oh, and purification by fire doesn't even exist here.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00- No.- Oh, and get this.
0:03:00 > 0:03:05Every time I find people I actually relate to, Ken says they're a cult.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07I think, psychologically speaking,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11that leaving this cult has left you searching for an identity.
0:03:11 > 0:03:15That's why joining another cult is an easy fix.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Really, Connie, so interesting to hear your wholly unprofessional opinion.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21No, no. Hold on, chief Ken.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Connie, you are a wise old woman.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29So if this is true, what does it mean? What should I do?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33Well, a lot of people find an identity through their work.
0:03:33 > 0:03:34What are you good at?
0:03:34 > 0:03:37I don't know. I spent 21 years of my life
0:03:37 > 0:03:41staying physically and spiritually pure so I can be beamed up to space
0:03:41 > 0:03:43- and hang out with sexually curious aliens.- Nice.
0:03:43 > 0:03:47Turns out that's a no-go. So, any other ideas?
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Some people follow their father's profession.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51Oh, no...
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Oh, boom! Potato van.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56Oh, my God, Dale, you would love that.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57That is such a great idea.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Like following in my father's footsteps.
0:04:00 > 0:04:01Think I'm going to go for a piss.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06ZOE GIGGLES
0:04:06 > 0:04:08DYLAN MUMBLES PLAYFULLY
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Dylan, out. Now.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13Oi, ten more minutes.
0:04:13 > 0:04:16I don't see why. You don't appear to be using the toilet.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Come on, I'm close to a breakthrough here. Man's solidarity.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21- Hold it in.- Out!
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- Ken.- Oh, hello, Zoe!
0:04:28 > 0:04:32- You are going to hate the nursing home I stick you in.- Oh, scared(!)
0:04:32 > 0:04:35I must increase my pension contributions.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39So, Dad, when are you going to buy me a car for getting into university?
0:04:39 > 0:04:43This isn't an American film, Dylan, I'm never going to buy you a car.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46If I had money to buy you a car, I'd buy ME a car.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50You are so ungrateful. How do you even sleep at night? Jesus.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Er, don't get out here, it's dangerous, Dylan.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54Don't want my mates to know you're my dad.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Goodbye, son! Have a nice day, my boy.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02Hey, everybody, that's my son!
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Dylan Thompson! He loves me, and I love him!
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Little prick.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13Dylan, it's uncanny. Every time we're about to do it, something interrupts.
0:05:13 > 0:05:15Maybe it's the universe's way of saying
0:05:15 > 0:05:18- you're meant to stay a virgin. - Yeah, but I'm not a virgin.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20I lost my virginity to an escort on Cuckoo's stag do.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22- No-one believes that story. - What?!
0:05:22 > 0:05:24OK, look, listen,
0:05:24 > 0:05:26my dad's away at some reunion this weekend, so that means
0:05:26 > 0:05:29I've only got to get Mum out the house and she's a soft touch.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31She actually trusts me.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34What? You can get a free house on Saturday?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Yeah! We're going to do things that shouldn't be allowed.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41Why don't you have a massive fuck-off party?
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Erm, because I'm not allowed to have a massive fuck-off party.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47You get a free house, have a party. It's what people do, Dylan.
0:05:47 > 0:05:48Yeah, well, I-I can't.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50If you don't, you're dickless.
0:05:50 > 0:05:53And I can't have sex with someone who's dickless, it doesn't work.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- Logistically.- Zoe, wait...
0:05:55 > 0:05:58So if, IF I have this party...
0:06:00 > 0:06:01..can we have sex at that party?
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Why not? Sure.- You swear?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Swear.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07Get ready. Virgin.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08I will!
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I mean, I'm not.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12I'm tapping that on Saturday night.
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Cuckoo?
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Oh, hey, Mom.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Please don't call me that.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34Um...why are you wearing Cuckoo's clothes?
0:06:34 > 0:06:37Oh, I found the stash of them in the van.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38Oh, check this out.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41His book of potato recipes.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44- Cool, huh?- Yeah.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Mom, for the first time since I left the ashram,
0:06:46 > 0:06:49I feel like I finally belong somewhere.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I mean, I have a destiny.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54I'm a potato man, just like Dad.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Well, good luck with it.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Hey, wait... Mom.
0:07:00 > 0:07:02I have to ask,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05am I anything like him?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Oh, Dale, I barely know you.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09First impressions, just shoot.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Well, I don't know. Um...
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Cuckoo was this free, chaotic spirit
0:07:17 > 0:07:18who just made everyone happy.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22When you were with him, life was like a party.
0:07:22 > 0:07:28And you're more like this loyal dog who does whatever anyone tells you.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37All right. No, no, that, um... that makes sense.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Well...
0:07:41 > 0:07:44a potato man's work is never done. Got to keep going!
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Bye, Mom.- Bye...
0:07:51 > 0:07:54Bye, Dad. Say hi to your uni mates for me!
0:07:54 > 0:07:57Oh, bye, Dylan. Yeah. See you soon, son.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Mum. Where are you going to be on Saturday?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13I'm staying in. Stuffing my face.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17X Factor and Strictly and no Dad trying to turn it over to BBC Four.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Come on, it's a Saturday night, you should go out.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Nah, don't feel like it.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23You know, Dad's away, time for the mouse to play.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Not in a bad way, obviously.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28But, I mean, if someone does take your fancy...
0:08:28 > 0:08:30Look, I'm just saying I think you should go out
0:08:30 > 0:08:33and have a few drinks and be back by two in the morning, no earlier.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35What's your angle, Dylan?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37OK, look. I want to have a party on Saturday.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39There you go! All you needed to do was ask.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- No.- Mum!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Actually, I'm surprised.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46Cos you're that bit cooler than Dad, aren't you?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- I mean, you went to that Hasha thingy.- The Hacienda.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50Yeah, twice.
0:08:50 > 0:08:52Me and the girls drove in from Chesterfield.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55Viv had this old Ford Sierra...
0:08:55 > 0:08:58There you go, fascinating. So, can I have a party?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01No, love. I'd say yes but your dad would kill me.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05Zoe said she'll have sex with me if I have a party.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Go on...!
0:09:12 > 0:09:14Nice, wasn't he? That's why I picked him.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17I thought, for a mortgage advisor, this guy is cool.
0:09:20 > 0:09:21You're quiet.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24Yeah...
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Don't know, it's weird, isn't it?
0:09:25 > 0:09:28I mean, we're talking about loans for 25 years.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30It's older than me!
0:09:30 > 0:09:34That's what I love about us, Rach. We balance each other so well.
0:09:34 > 0:09:38You've got this wild side that's like, "Let's go to Laos
0:09:38 > 0:09:41"and party under the waterfalls." I've got that too, totally.
0:09:41 > 0:09:45But there's also this tiny lawyer part of me
0:09:45 > 0:09:49that looks at a five-year flat rate below 4% and goes,
0:09:49 > 0:09:52"That's kind of thrilling, in a daft sort of way."
0:09:52 > 0:09:54THEY LAUGH
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Do you think we will ever go to Laos and party under the waterfalls?
0:09:57 > 0:09:59Oh, for sure.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03But Rach, building a life, there's some dull stuff to be done.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06You know, like you've got to eat your main course
0:10:06 > 0:10:07before you get pudding.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Why not just eat pudding?
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Well, you can, after your main course.
0:10:12 > 0:10:15Yeah... But you could just go straight to pudding.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17Yeah.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Right. Yeah! Yeah. Yeah...
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- Best mum ever. No contest. - Oh, isn't that nice?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28- Oh, please!- Guess what? Mum says I can have a party on Saturday.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Are you serious? You never let me have a party.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35Dylan's going to lose his virginity. About bloody time.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38- Oi! I am not a virgin.- Oh, Dylan, nobody believes that story.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Tell them what they have to do, then.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42So I'm heading off to Stratford with Connie,
0:10:42 > 0:10:45and I thought, responsible adults...
0:10:45 > 0:10:47- Oh, an honour, Lorna. - Really?!
0:10:47 > 0:10:50Sure, yeah, just hang out in your room
0:10:50 > 0:10:51and make sure the kids don't get out of hand.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Kids? I'm like three years older than them.
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Most of them probably fancied me at school.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58No-one fancied you at school, or in fact now.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Er, not true. I do.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03So that's one person.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06Anyway, we can't on Saturday cos we've got plans.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Big plans. Haven't we, Ben?
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Damn right we do. Last four episodes of True Detective.
0:11:11 > 0:11:14Actually, Rach, we could just polish them off in your room
0:11:14 > 0:11:15while the party rages.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Oh, yeah, didn't think of that. Thanks, Ben(!)
0:11:18 > 0:11:20Dale, Dylan's going to have a party.
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Oh, great! We had parties on the ashram.
0:11:23 > 0:11:25Vashradi would take the special magical powder
0:11:25 > 0:11:28and intercourse with the womenfolk all day. It looked like fun.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Don't get too excited, you're not coming.- Oh!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33What?! He'll do something really weird and ruin it.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- Fair point, I probably would.- Wait!
0:11:35 > 0:11:39All parties need food. People get hungry.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Right. Where's this going?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43- Dale, your potato van.- Mum, no!
0:11:43 > 0:11:49Oh, no, tomorrow night? No, no, no, no, I'm not ready.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50I haven't practised half the recipes.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53You've got to start sometime. You've worked really hard.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- You think?- Yeah.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57OK. I'm there.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Tomorrow, cometh the hour, cometh the potato man.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02Thanks, best Mom ever!
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Mm! Not as shit as I thought it would be.
0:12:12 > 0:12:13It's got a tang.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- Thanks. That's my dad's special sauce.- Great.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19So anyway, Dale, it's really important that you stay away
0:12:19 > 0:12:22from the party until the right moment.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24OK, got it. When will that be?
0:12:24 > 0:12:27I don't know, towards the end, when the party starts winding down,
0:12:27 > 0:12:29that's when people will get really hungry.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Oh! I like it, that's clever.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33So you sit here for six, seven hours,
0:12:33 > 0:12:35and then I'll text you when I need you. Yeah? OK?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Yeah, no problem. On the ashram, during my year in solitary,
0:12:38 > 0:12:40I learned to access a trance-like state.
0:12:40 > 0:12:42That just makes time fly by.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- Great, use that. Laters. - Hey, Dale...
0:12:46 > 0:12:49You know, I'm kinda nervous about this.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52My dad was the best philosophical potato man in all of Litchfield.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I can't help but think, what if I'm not a natural at this?
0:12:55 > 0:12:59What if I let your sister down and betray my father's legacy?
0:12:59 > 0:13:02And if I'm not a potato man, then...who am I?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I don't give a shit, mate.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14MUSIC: "Down The Road" by C2C
0:13:14 > 0:13:17LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Hi, guys.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27What's up, mate? All right?
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Enter the pleasure dome!
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Get yourself comfy in the bedroom and I'll bring the drinks.
0:13:32 > 0:13:33Dylan, I just got here.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37- Yeah, you said...- I'm not going to walk in and shag you straightaway.
0:13:37 > 0:13:42Party's still warming up. This way we miss the lame early stages.
0:13:42 > 0:13:45Repeat after me, we'll do it when Zoe says we'll do it.
0:13:47 > 0:13:49- We'll do it when Zoe says we'll do it.- Good boy.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52Now, Zoe wants a drink.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56Ready to rock! I brought a massive bag of Twiglets.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58Right...
0:14:02 > 0:14:06MUSIC: "Over Your Shoulder" by Chromeo
0:14:13 > 0:14:14TV SHOW PLAYS ON LAPTOP
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- What was the best party you ever went to?- Not over the show, Rach.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22What was the best party you ever went to?
0:14:22 > 0:14:25Well, OK, picture the scene.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30Warwick, a murder mystery party, I spotted the killer within the hour.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32OK, mine was out in Thailand.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36Cuckoo rode us all out to this little teeny, tiny island.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Party was heaving,
0:14:39 > 0:14:43and I can remember just being pressed up against him.
0:14:44 > 0:14:48And running out into the forest to make love.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Dancing again.
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Making love again.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00- Sorry, Ben, I totally interrupted you there.- Oh, yeah.
0:15:00 > 0:15:05Erm...after I won the game,
0:15:05 > 0:15:08er, we all had an orgy...
0:15:10 > 0:15:11..and some heroin.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Did you?
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Yeah. Warwick was just that sort of town.
0:15:17 > 0:15:20- Up.- Yeah, you're right, we should probably check on them.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23It's a party, why don't we just join in?
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Because we're supervising them. - We're still young.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29We can still show these kids a bit of a thing or two.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Mm!
0:15:36 > 0:15:40MUSIC: "No More Serious Faces" by Inpetto
0:15:42 > 0:15:44You see the match today?
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Yeah, 5-0. You see the first goal?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Punching. Wasn't offside, was it?
0:15:54 > 0:15:57I mean, Steve says he wants to be part of the lovemaking,
0:15:57 > 0:16:00but most of the time he glowers in the corner eating monkey nuts.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Shells all over the carpet.
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Ken likes monkey nuts.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08So go on, then, what gossip from you?
0:16:08 > 0:16:09Nothing.
0:16:09 > 0:16:13- Oh, apart from the obvious. - The obvious?
0:16:14 > 0:16:18Zoe hasn't told you? Tonight's the night.
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Night for what?
0:16:19 > 0:16:23For Dylan and Zoe, the first time. Doing the thing.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28- Connie. What, what the... - We've got to stop them!
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Let's drink to the greatest night of Zoe's life!
0:16:32 > 0:16:34CHEERING
0:16:34 > 0:16:37MUSIC: "212" by Azealia Banks
0:16:37 > 0:16:40Everybody's hungry, Dylan.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49MOBILE BEEPS
0:16:53 > 0:16:55Oh, boy. Spirit of my father, look down on me.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01MUSIC: "Mr Boombastic" by Shaggy
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Who is that?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Who here likes jack-at potatoes?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17GIRLS GIGGLE AND SCREAM
0:17:17 > 0:17:19OK. Yes!
0:17:21 > 0:17:22Oh, my God...
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Are you Dylan's brother?
0:17:26 > 0:17:28No, I am his sister's husband's long-lost son.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Do you want some sauce?
0:17:29 > 0:17:31I would love to try your sauce.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33THEY GIGGLE
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Uh-uh, not mine, my dead father's. There you go.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38What's your name?
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Er, hi. You want some sauce?
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Oh, I'd love some of your sauce.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44So good.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Who's next?
0:17:48 > 0:17:50Oh, boy.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53All right, more, yes? OK. Sauce?
0:17:53 > 0:17:56I fell under Steve's sexual fraud at a very early age
0:17:56 > 0:17:58and I've never recovered. I can't have that happen to Zoe.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Oh, come on, Connie, it's not like she's a virgin.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01She certainly is!
0:18:01 > 0:18:04She had sex with Neil. Nina's kid.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Lies, Lorna. She is unmounted.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09Now, just be quiet, while I concentrate on protecting
0:18:09 > 0:18:13my chaste, high-achieving daughter from your predatory no-hoper son!
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Well, I think Dylan's lovely.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21MUSIC: "White Lines" by Grandmaster Flash
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Come on.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Britain's ultimate lad, mate.- Yeah?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29It said premium lager. But I don't think it was premium.
0:18:40 > 0:18:41How did I do, Dad?
0:18:43 > 0:18:46You. Dance floor.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48What? Me?
0:18:53 > 0:18:56It's time. Virgin.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58I'm not a vir... Oh... STOMACH GRUMBLES
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Just should've read the label.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I mean, that beer was at least 4%.
0:19:05 > 0:19:06Yeah.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Don't worry, though, I always get a second wind.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Course you do.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17I love you.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20MUSIC: "Everyone Nose" by N.E.R.D.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34That was super fun.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Whoo! Yeah! OK, I'll see you later.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49Take them off, then.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52- So you want to see the goods? - Whatever.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56STOMACH GURGLING
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Give me a few seconds.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Oh, God, help me now, please help me.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09If there is a god, help me now, intercede.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12- KNOCKING - Dylan! Dylan.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15- What are you doing in there? - Er, one second!
0:21:19 > 0:21:22- Come on, Dylan.- Yeah. One sec.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25- KNOCKING - Dylan!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Just open the door, Dylan.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Hey.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33There you are.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Yeah. Just, er, making myself look nice, you know,
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I want this to be special.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40You look weird.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44I'm just massively turned on. Er, my room?
0:21:47 > 0:21:50Thought we could stay here. Take it slowly.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52- Oh, yeah?- And enjoy the moment.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Yeah, definitely.
0:21:56 > 0:21:58RUMBLING, RETCHING
0:22:02 > 0:22:05HE RETCHES AND SWALLOWS HARD
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Are you ready? Virgin.
0:22:10 > 0:22:12STRAINED: Yeah...
0:22:12 > 0:22:14I used to go out dancing all the time.
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Seems like a lifetime ago.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Well, you had fun tonight.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Yeah.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24God, but look at me. 22-year-old widow.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29Boring job. Frumpy.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31HE LAUGHS
0:22:31 > 0:22:34Oh, crap! You're easily the hottest girl at this whole party.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38No, you don't have to say that.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42It's true, Rachel.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45When I saw you on that dance floor, I was just like,
0:22:45 > 0:22:50"Oh, my gosh, there's Mom, she's so stunningly beautiful."
0:22:50 > 0:22:52It makes me...
0:22:54 > 0:22:57I don't know, it makes my heart sink into my toes
0:22:57 > 0:22:59and my whole self kind of tingle.
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Probably just pride.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06Yeah.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10Well, congratulations, that special sauce was perfect.
0:23:10 > 0:23:11How did you make that?
0:23:11 > 0:23:14I didn't have to, there was two bottles of it in the garage.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16In the garage?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19- Mmm-hmm.- Dale, those bottles would've been two years old,
0:23:19 > 0:23:20there was fish in that sauce.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22GROANING
0:23:22 > 0:23:26- Oh, God, how many people had that sauce, Dale?- Only everyone.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32- So slave, do you want this?- Yeah.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Say you want it, slave.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36I want it, definitely. Quickly.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39No. I'm going to make you wait.
0:23:39 > 0:23:41Really? No, please don't.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42CAR APPROACHES
0:23:44 > 0:23:46Rachel, where's Zoe?
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- KNOCKING - I need to be sick!
0:23:51 > 0:23:55- Go away!- Are you ready? - Mm-hm. Yeah, I'm so ready, come on.
0:23:55 > 0:23:58- HAMMERING ON DOOR - Zoe, come out of there.- Mum!
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- Get out of there now! - Carry on, Zoe, please.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04- I'll break the door down! - Zoe, don't stop, don't stop.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06OMINOUS, DEEP RUMBLING
0:24:06 > 0:24:09- I'm coming in! - GRUMBLING
0:24:09 > 0:24:11Zoe! Are you still...
0:24:11 > 0:24:13ENORMOUS FART
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- ..intact?- Oh!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19ZOE YELPS
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Gross! - ZOE SCREAMS
0:24:22 > 0:24:25No, why, why?! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
0:24:25 > 0:24:28I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
0:24:28 > 0:24:33No, please, hold it in! Oh, here, do it in this!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Everyone out of the house!
0:24:58 > 0:25:00What happened? Why did everyone get sick?
0:25:04 > 0:25:07I don't know. Maybe they just drank too much.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Oh!
0:25:25 > 0:25:29Oh, they killed me, Lorn. The bastards killed me.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31- Did someone have too much booze? - Oh...
0:25:31 > 0:25:34You probably want to get straight to bed, don't you?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Correct.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41Have you redecorated in here?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43Erm, maybe. Yes.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Just on a whim, I just fancied a change.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51So you put up exactly the same wallpaper and carpets as before?
0:25:53 > 0:25:56You don't want to deal with this now.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59- I don't want to deal with this now. - You just want to lie down.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01I just want to lie down.
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- HE SNIFFS - Did you have fondue?