0:00:02 > 0:00:06This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:06 > 0:00:11- Morning.- Morning.- Good morning. Yay, it's sunny outside.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13Dale, what are you doing?
0:00:13 > 0:00:14I got really cold during the night
0:00:14 > 0:00:17and you guys are so warm and snuggly.
0:00:17 > 0:00:19Are you...naked?
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Yeah, I always sleep naked.
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Your penis is on my leg.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Got it.
0:00:40 > 0:00:44- DALE GIGGLES - This has been amazing, Chief Ken.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46What was the name of that magical place?
0:00:46 > 0:00:47B&Q.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49B and Q?
0:00:49 > 0:00:53I will never get used to your exotic names and strange customs.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Yes, while we're on that,
0:00:55 > 0:00:58in our culture we respect each other's privacy.
0:00:58 > 0:01:00Sleep in our own beds.
0:01:00 > 0:01:03And we don't put our genitals on people.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Not without being asked.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06Understood. Wise counsel, Chief Ken.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09You know, you should probably stop calling me that.
0:01:09 > 0:01:10Why, Chief Ken?
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Actually, whatever. God, I'm hungry.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!
0:01:18 > 0:01:19What is it?
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- Food.- Dale, I could've killed someone.
0:01:22 > 0:01:23I know but you said you were hungry
0:01:23 > 0:01:26and they have the world's best kebabs.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Lorna's got me on a diet.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33What she doesn't realise is tall people have a very high metabolism.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35They've done studies on it and everything.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37I bet it's actually dangerous for me to be on a diet.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43OK, I'll have one small doner with no chilli sauce.
0:01:43 > 0:01:46But just to be clear, Lorna does not need to know about this.
0:01:46 > 0:01:48OK.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49OK?
0:01:49 > 0:01:51Yes, loud and clear.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56MUSIC: "My Silver Lining" by First Aid Kit
0:01:56 > 0:01:59- KNOCKING ON DOOR - Hiya.
0:01:59 > 0:02:00Hello.
0:02:00 > 0:02:02Do you mind if I turn the music down?
0:02:02 > 0:02:03There's something I want to say.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05Yeah, of course.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11It's about Dale. Actually it's still a bit loud.
0:02:11 > 0:02:15- HE TURNS IT DOWN AGAIN - Erm, yeah, Dale is...
0:02:15 > 0:02:18You know what, I'm just going to turn it off. Yeah.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22Erm, Rachel, I like Dale,
0:02:22 > 0:02:24I think he's a good bloke.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26I just worry he's a bit mixed up.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28He was brought up in a cult, wasn't he?
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Rach, he's obviously got some sort of weird crush on you.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35What?! Don't be daft.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Rach, he climbed into your bed,
0:02:38 > 0:02:40he follows you around like a dog.
0:02:40 > 0:02:41He let you see him in the bath.
0:02:41 > 0:02:45- Only once.- Well, that's once more than I have.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46Look, it's not his fault,
0:02:46 > 0:02:49he just doesn't know any other girls his own age.
0:02:49 > 0:02:53But I'm thinking maybe we should introduce him to someone.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56Well, yeah, I mean if you can think of anyone.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58What about your friend Natalie? I mean, she's gorgeous.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00She is not gorgeous.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03What are you talking about? She's stunning. Total knockout.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- When I first saw her... - Yeah, got it. Stop now.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Anyway, she's just broken up with her boyfriend,
0:03:09 > 0:03:12she's on the lookout, why don't you give her a call?
0:03:12 > 0:03:15Yeah, why not? It's a great idea, Ben.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- I'm home.- Shit!
0:03:33 > 0:03:34Ken!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- I was just about to get my glad rags on.- Why?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Drinks at Connie and Steve's. I'm sure I told you.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Forgive my intrusion, Chief Ken. I am entering the room.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- Oh...- Dale, what you doing?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I'm respecting your privacy.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51May I have the screwdriver we got at B and Q today?
0:03:51 > 0:03:54I'm going to fix the kitchen lights.
0:03:54 > 0:03:55You can open your eyes now, Dale.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56And when you're done,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59if you're hungry there's some lasagne in the fridge.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00Thank you but I'm OK,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03me and Ken had a triple shawarma with everything.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Onions, chilli sauce, huge bag of fries.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09I couldn't finish mine but old hollow legs over here, he had 'em both.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Ken, you didn't have a kebab?- No.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- Two of 'em. - You're supposed to be on a diet!
0:04:14 > 0:04:18You looked me in the eye and promised me you'd eat healthily.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- I had salad with it. - And a Snickers.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22Dale, stop talking!
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Well, I have to say, I am very disappointed.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Lorn. Lorn!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30Thank you.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- Hah, you blinked.- What?
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- We're having a staring contest, right?- No!
0:04:55 > 0:04:58I'm waiting for you to explain to me why you told Lorna about the kebab.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Oh, she asked if I was hungry.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03look, I know your upbringing was slightly unusual,
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- but you must have had to lie before. - No way, Chief Ken.
0:05:06 > 0:05:08I was taught that lying makes your nuts fall off.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10That's why I never lied, look.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Uh, look, I believe you.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I'm not saying lying is good,
0:05:14 > 0:05:16I just think sometimes it's necessary.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Like...like when Lorna asks me whether
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Dylan will be able to get a job with his media studies degree,
0:05:21 > 0:05:23I say yes.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26What I mean of course is no, he'll be living with us till he's 60.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28But I lie so that she doesn't worry.
0:05:28 > 0:05:31OK, OK, I got it. This is a white lie.
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Right.
0:05:32 > 0:05:34- Like with your sheepskin coat.- What?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Lorn hid your coat in the garage but said I shouldn't tell you
0:05:37 > 0:05:41because if you found out you'd be, like, super unhappy.
0:05:41 > 0:05:42This is outrageous!
0:05:45 > 0:05:47Wow. She was right.
0:05:56 > 0:05:57What?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Oh, the coat?
0:06:02 > 0:06:04You'll never guess where I found it.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Go on, guess.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Dylan's room?
0:06:07 > 0:06:09No, in the garage.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12In a bin bag labelled "Stuff for Oxfam"
0:06:12 > 0:06:14in your handwriting.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16So I hate the coat.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Doesn't make me a bad person, Ken.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20No, it's lying that makes you a bad person.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23You can talk, Mr Two Kebabs.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25OK.
0:06:25 > 0:06:29Let's just agree to be more honest with each other from now on, OK?
0:06:29 > 0:06:30OK.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34I broke your Pilates DVD.
0:06:34 > 0:06:36I got a parking ticket last week.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38When you were at your book group I ate a whole slab of Stilton.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41- Wow.- I know.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Speaking of books,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46you know that one you tried to write about town planning?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47That was rubbish.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Yeah, you never lied about that, you told me before, twice.- Oh, yeah.
0:06:51 > 0:06:56Anyway, from now on, let's agree on no more secrets.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58- OK, deal.- Deal.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08- So, what do you make of this, Lorn? - Lovely.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I don't know much about wine but...
0:07:10 > 0:07:14it's very fruity and also...red?!
0:07:16 > 0:07:19It's from southern Chile. It's typically South American -
0:07:19 > 0:07:23full-bodied, passionate, dangerous.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25It's also work shy,
0:07:25 > 0:07:28with no sense of personal hygiene.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30KEN: So, Steve, how's work?
0:07:30 > 0:07:33It's a living hell, just like my personal life.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Thanks for asking.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38I had hoped Steve would cope with our new arrangement like an adult.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41If not for my sake then for the children.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Good job we only had two.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46I wanted more, but Connie's womb dried up like a cactus.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48CONNIE: It takes two to conceive.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Perhaps there was something wrong at your end.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Nothing wrong with my sperm.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56Men like me and Ken are part of the 500,000,000 club.
0:07:56 > 0:07:57Am I right?
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- KEN: Don't do that.- Oops! Bad example there,
0:07:59 > 0:08:00Ken's had a vasectomy.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02So, Connie, tell me about this wine.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03When did he have the snip?
0:08:03 > 0:08:07- Well, you should know, you dirt brain. You did the operation!- Yes!
0:08:09 > 0:08:10HE GIGGLES NERVOUSLY
0:08:16 > 0:08:17Remember?
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
0:08:21 > 0:08:23Yeah, must've forgotten.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25So many scrota.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27They all blur in to one
0:08:27 > 0:08:29massive, amorphous ball-sack!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32Well can I just say, you did a fantastic job?
0:08:32 > 0:08:34You can't even see a scar.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Almost like it had never been done(!)
0:08:36 > 0:08:38Well, what a lovely evening. We must go now, though.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41I'll bring the car round the front shall I, Lorn?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Seriously though, it was lovely. Cheers. Mm!
0:08:44 > 0:08:47You said that's fruity, that's dry!
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Dale, can we have a word?
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Huh? Yeah, sure. Just don't hit that light switch over there.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Is this safe?
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Totally.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07So erm, there's this friend of mine called Natalie.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11Who is stunning. Easily the best-looking girl that I know.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13Well, that either of us know.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Anyway, we thought it might be quite nice if the four of us had dinner.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19Plus she's single so... Oh, my God!
0:09:19 > 0:09:21A-are you trying to set me up?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24- Oh, is that OK?- Cos, I mean if it makes you feel uncomfortable then...
0:09:24 > 0:09:26No. No, it's fine.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28It's just on the ashram, they taught us to wait for The One.
0:09:28 > 0:09:32Probably don't mention the whole alien bride thing to Natalie.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- She might... - Get jealous. That's a good point.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38Here, can you erm, can you hold that for me?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Put the lights on, you losers!
0:09:40 > 0:09:42SHE SCREAMS
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Ha-ha! Twat!
0:09:44 > 0:09:45Oh, boy.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Bloody hell!
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Oh, what a tangled web we weave
0:09:54 > 0:09:56when first we'd lie about having a vasectomy.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58It wasn't a lie.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00It was a temporary departure from the truth.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02So you're going to tell Lorna, are you?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I just need to find the right time, that's all.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Until I do, please don't say anything!
0:10:07 > 0:10:09Ken, my friend,
0:10:09 > 0:10:13I will do you this favour, but one day,
0:10:13 > 0:10:18and that day may never come, I will call on you for a favour in return.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26- I need a favour. - Oh, for fuck's sake.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- What's that?- That is what happens when the nanny state
0:10:32 > 0:10:36and political correctness get drunk on power and have a bastard.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Could you be a little more specific?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I've been accused of gross medical negligence.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44They're taking me to a tribunal.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46Well, that is a shame. But, not my area, I'm afraid.
0:10:46 > 0:10:50You'll have to find someone who specialises in medical malpractice.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52To be honest, Ken, you're not the first lawyer I've seen.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55But you are the only lawyer that is scared I'm going to tell his wife
0:10:55 > 0:10:58a secret, so that makes you Kavanagh QC in my book.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08It says here you left a foreign object inside a patient
0:11:08 > 0:11:09during an operation.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12It was a pair of cuff links. One pair!
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I am not apologising for the way I dress.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17It's still a very serious accusation. Is it true?
0:11:17 > 0:11:19How do I know? I was drunk.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26Well, look. Ethically speaking, I shouldn't be representing a friend.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29Ethically speaking, you shouldn't be lying to your wife.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Look, this isn't blackmail.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33If you don't want to take the case, just say.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- I don't want to take the case. - And that's fine.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39But I will be telling Lorna about your fully-functioning gonads.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42And how is that not blackmail?
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Oh, you're good.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46You are good.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Why's the door open? It's freezing.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Ken, you're back early. I thought you said you were working late.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06I thought I'd do some work from home.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- You've been smoking dope! - No, I haven't.
0:12:11 > 0:12:13It smells like Peter Tosh's tracksuit in here, Lorn.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18Don't worry, everyone's out.
0:12:18 > 0:12:19The smell usually goes.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- How long have you been doing this? - Once a week since Cuckoo left.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Lorna!- It's no big deal. I used to do it pretty much every day at uni.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28After everything we've said about being honest with each other.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30Come on, it'll help you relax.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35You remember what happened last time I took drugs.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39Ken, you're at home with your wife. What's the worst that can happen?
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I'm so proud of you.
0:12:41 > 0:12:44Oh, I'm so proud of you!
0:12:45 > 0:12:46Why are you proud of me?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I can't remember but I definitely am.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Steve!
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Steve! I'm proud of you for defending Steve.- Mm?
0:12:53 > 0:12:55Connie said that no-one could get him off,
0:12:55 > 0:12:58but you took the case anyway!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00Can we talk about something else?
0:13:00 > 0:13:03I don't want to talk about that goblin.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05He's been under a lot of pressure, Ken.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08You hear of these doctors being forced to work 5,000 hours a week
0:13:08 > 0:13:09and they crack up.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Oh! Brilliant.
0:13:13 > 0:13:14Yeah.
0:13:14 > 0:13:18We should blame the hospital for Steve being so mental!
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Yes!
0:13:19 > 0:13:20Got to write this down.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26What are you doing?
0:13:26 > 0:13:28I don't know!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30But it's definitely important.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34Mm. Mm.
0:13:34 > 0:13:35This is amazing.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Amazing.- Mm.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38Give us a kiss.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40THEY GIGGLE
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Nice cheese.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48Do you think I'm fat?
0:13:48 > 0:13:51No! Think you're perfect!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53I think you're perfect.
0:13:53 > 0:13:54I'm so proud of you.
0:13:54 > 0:13:56Is it because of the cheese?
0:13:56 > 0:13:58No, it was because of something else.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- BOTH:- Steve!
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Steve.
0:14:03 > 0:14:04According to his file,
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Steve has had two written warnings in the past month.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09One for parking in a disabled space
0:14:09 > 0:14:11and the other for kissing someone...
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Right. Well, that's not too bad.
0:14:13 > 0:14:15..who was in a coma.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17Ah, the nutter!
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Well, we knew he was insane.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21But I think I may have found a way of using that to our advantage.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24I'm going to call the hospital lawyers in for a meeting.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26If we can convince them that Steve is overworked
0:14:26 > 0:14:28then maybe we can avoid the tribunal altogether.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31It's a long shot, but I think it's the best chance we've got.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Ken, you're a bloody genius!
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Well...- Thanks to you, Steve will soon be free to practise again
0:14:36 > 0:14:38even though he's a drunken, incompetent fool!
0:14:40 > 0:14:42Yeah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43LAUGHTER
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Rach, I've not seen you for ages!
0:14:45 > 0:14:48The last time was my non-hen night, I think.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Yeah! That was fun.
0:14:50 > 0:14:51I'm so glad you thought so.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53But some people thought it was a bit weird,
0:14:53 > 0:14:56going through with it after Toby called off the wedding,
0:14:56 > 0:15:01but, er, my take is, I'm worth it and he's a lying shit! Ha-ha!
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Yeah. Erm, Dale here's quite the sportsman.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09He does martial arts and mountain biking and all sorts,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11don't you, Dale?
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Yes.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18I imagine you've got some pretty interesting stories about that.
0:15:18 > 0:15:19Yes.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20SHE GIGGLES
0:15:23 > 0:15:26- Can I have a word with you in the kitchen?- Yeah.
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Excuse us.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33I...like your face.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37(God, this is a car crash! I told you she wasn't his type.)
0:15:37 > 0:15:39She's not that bad.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Are you kidding? She's doing my head in!
0:15:42 > 0:15:45(Rachel, calm down.)
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Oh, my goodness. She is amazing!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51I mean, I've never met anybody like her before in my life.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53Also, she's finished the wine.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Oh!
0:15:54 > 0:15:56More wine, Natalie?
0:15:56 > 0:15:59Fill me up to the top! Ha-ha!
0:15:59 > 0:16:00Keep going.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02Yeah.
0:16:04 > 0:16:09Oh! So...mystery man.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12Firstly, I don't know much about you. Who are you?
0:16:12 > 0:16:14Well, my name is Dale.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16SHE GIGGLES
0:16:16 > 0:16:21Rachel never told me you were so funny! Or cute.
0:16:21 > 0:16:22Oh, boy.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- Natalie, you're embarrassing him. - I just said he was cute.
0:16:25 > 0:16:31It's not like I said he was gorgeous, which you are, by the way.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Uh-huh.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Where I grew up, you weren't allowed to touch a woman.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38We were taught to stay pure for The One.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40A soul mate
0:16:40 > 0:16:44could look in to your heart and see what's inside.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47That is so beautiful!
0:16:47 > 0:16:51I mean, literally, she had X-ray vision on every tentacle.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Ooh!
0:17:01 > 0:17:03I really think I should call you a cab.
0:17:03 > 0:17:06- (It's getting late.) - Maybe Dale could walk her home?
0:17:10 > 0:17:11SHE COUGHS
0:17:17 > 0:17:18HE GASPS
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Tell me more about this place you grew up.
0:17:20 > 0:17:24Erm, well, there were plenty of crazy things
0:17:24 > 0:17:28but also, you know, a lot of beautiful things as well.
0:17:28 > 0:17:32Like, we had this friendship ritual we'd do when new people arrive.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35But sometimes we would just do it to honour a special person.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39I would love to see your friendship ritual.
0:17:39 > 0:17:40OK.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42I haven't done it in a long time
0:17:42 > 0:17:44but I think I could probably remember it.
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Friend.
0:17:51 > 0:17:52Take my trust.
0:17:55 > 0:17:56Friend.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Take my love.
0:18:01 > 0:18:02Friend.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Take my blood.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07SHE SCREAMS
0:18:08 > 0:18:10My God! Dale!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12HE MOANS
0:18:12 > 0:18:15SHE CHUCKLES
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Shit!
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Oh, he's been gone ages. Why isn't he back yet?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Have I got it all off?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27There's a bit there.
0:18:32 > 0:18:34SHE SIGHS
0:18:40 > 0:18:43- What time's your meeting? - Not for a couple of hours.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Want to get there early, go through this plan with Steve.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48If I get this right they'll drop the charges.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Look at you, Rumpole of the Bailey.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Or should I say, Rumpy Pumpy of the Bailey?
0:18:55 > 0:18:57Get off, I'm trying to read.
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Lorna, get your hands on the wheel.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Sorry!
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- SIREN WAILS - Oh, bugger.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Oh, great. Just great.
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Come on then, pull over.
0:19:10 > 0:19:12SIREN WAILS
0:19:13 > 0:19:16- Lorn, pull over. - I'm not sure that's a good idea.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18- What do you mean?- Don't get angry.
0:19:18 > 0:19:20But there's a small possibility I may have left
0:19:20 > 0:19:22the dope in my coat pocket.
0:19:22 > 0:19:24How much of a small possibility?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27About...100%
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Oh, for fuck's sake.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- Window, Lorna.- Oh.
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Sorry, Officer, momentary lapse in concentration. My wife...
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Madam, are you aware why I've pulled you over this morning?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04OK, I hate to do this, but I'm actually a solicitor, so...
0:20:04 > 0:20:07Sir, when I lower my fingers, you may speak.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09- Yeah, but I just think this is relevant.- Sir, can you see
0:20:09 > 0:20:11- the fingers are still raised?- Yes.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Are you aware why I've pulled you over?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18Madam, will you please exit the vehicle?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Why?
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Did you just pass an item to the gentleman?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- No.- Right, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to exit the vehicle
0:20:27 > 0:20:29- and turn out your pockets. - Oh, this is perfect. Well done.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Sir, I will not ask you again!
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Oh, Christ, Ken.
0:20:51 > 0:20:53Three points on my licence. Could've been worse.
0:20:53 > 0:20:56It could've been a lot worse. Why the hell did you pass it to me?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Ken, it worked out fine. How are you feeling?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02Fine, actually. I don't think it has the same effect when you eat it.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Just tell Steve you're not feeling well, he'll understand.
0:21:05 > 0:21:09He really won't. I'm fine, love. You go on.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Where have you been?
0:21:11 > 0:21:15No time to explain, we need to find Steve and talk him through our strategy.
0:21:15 > 0:21:17I'm not sure there's time. What's up with your eyes?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Nothing, I'm fine. Go back to bed.
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Charles wants to sit in on the meeting.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Prince Charles? - Charles our senior partner.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Yeah, OK, that does make more sense. - Here he is - the rain maker.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Ben's just been filling me in on your case.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Sounds as though you've got something remarkable up your sleeve.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34I took the liberty, Ken. It is pretty special.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36You don't mind me sitting in, do you?
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Good idea, we don't want Ken backing out, do we?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41HE LAUGHS FORCEDLY
0:21:41 > 0:21:45Erm, you know, breaking in to the medical market would be
0:21:45 > 0:21:48absolutely fantastic for the firm.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51Now, you get a good result here and, well, let's just say when the choice
0:21:51 > 0:21:56for who becomes senior partner will be a fucking packet easier.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59Ken?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I won't let you down, Charles.
0:22:07 > 0:22:10Mr Thompson, my name is Helen Williams, I'm chief operating
0:22:10 > 0:22:12officer of the Lichfield NHS Trust.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14With me are Michael Levine from our legal department
0:22:14 > 0:22:16and Susan Daniels, head of HR.
0:22:19 > 0:22:20And we are all silent.
0:22:26 > 0:22:30- Why are they staring at me? - They're waiting for you to speak.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- Why? - Are you all right, Ken?
0:22:33 > 0:22:35Could we just have five minutes?
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Oh, no, my hands, my hands!
0:22:51 > 0:22:53They're not shrinking. They are not shrinking!
0:22:53 > 0:22:58- Ken, you're acting fairly strangely. - My hands are growing, Ben.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00How am I supposed to eat chicken with hands this big?
0:23:00 > 0:23:04Ken, I think I should take over the case.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06You want my job.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09You want to impress Prince Charles and become king.
0:23:09 > 0:23:12No way, Mister. NO WAY!
0:23:22 > 0:23:25You know I do.
0:23:28 > 0:23:32Mr Thompson, is there somewhere private we can talk?
0:23:32 > 0:23:33Oh...
0:23:35 > 0:23:36It's, erm...
0:23:38 > 0:23:40It's safe over here.
0:23:41 > 0:23:47The last thing the hospital needs is bad press and a huge lawsuit.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50So we'd like to settle this matter quickly and quietly.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56If your client resigns, then we can keep this
0:23:56 > 0:23:59incident off the record, and avoid going to trial.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02Mr Chance is a very volatile individual, but if you can
0:24:02 > 0:24:07persuade him to accept our offer then he can find a job elsewhere.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10He's not going to like this.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17What do you think?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20What the fuck is...? Is that an eagle?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22No, it's a kestrel, you dick.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Erm, it's clear that Mr Thompson's not feeling too well, er,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27perhaps I should take over at this moment.
0:24:27 > 0:24:31No, Charles. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
0:24:39 > 0:24:44I'm sorry to interrupt but I must be heard
0:24:44 > 0:24:48and I must be heard quickly and quietly.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Quickly, quietly. Quickly, quietly. Quickly, quietly. Quickly, quietly.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54- Quickly, quietly. Quickly, quietly... - Right, let's see.
0:24:54 > 0:24:56..quickly, quietly. Quickly, quietly.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01- Lorna...- My client is insane.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04And you want to know why?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Because you've been making him work too hard.
0:25:06 > 0:25:08That's just ridiculous.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11- Have you checked what hours she's been working?- She?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Answer the question. Have you checked how many
0:25:14 > 0:25:17hours my client has been working for your hospital trust?
0:25:17 > 0:25:19We don't have that information to hand.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21No, you don't, but I do. In my office.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23Benjamin, the door, please.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26GLASS SMASHES
0:25:38 > 0:25:39Oh, hey, Mum.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42Didn't hear you come home last night.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44No, I stayed the night at Natalie's.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Anything you want to tell me?
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Oh, yeah, I fixed the lights.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Anything else?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53I found some super-smelly cheese in Ken's bedroom.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55It, er...
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Dale, er, what happened with you and Natalie last night?
0:25:58 > 0:26:01Oh, OK. We went to hers.
0:26:01 > 0:26:04- Mm.- And I was kinda tired, so she said I could sleep in her bed.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06But I said, "No, thanks,"
0:26:06 > 0:26:09- because I know that's frowned upon in your culture.- Yes.
0:26:09 > 0:26:12But then she got angry, and asked if I wanted intercourse or not.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Oh, and, and did you?
0:26:14 > 0:26:18Oh, boy. I mean she's really pretty and all...
0:26:18 > 0:26:19She's not that pretty.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23Nothing happened.
0:26:26 > 0:26:27I guess she just wasn't The One.
0:26:32 > 0:26:36- Oh, hello.- Yeah. - High-five.- Thanks.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40Then Charles took over, Steve got a month's suspension on full pay.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Well, that's good.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45He was so pleased he wanted to take you on holiday to say thanks.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47The Swansea & Neath Judo Festival.
0:26:47 > 0:26:51He said he was making you an offer you couldn't refuse,
0:26:51 > 0:26:52then he winked and walked out.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Then he came back in and explained
0:26:54 > 0:26:57how you'd lied about having a vasectomy.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00- You're not going to tell Lorna, are you?- No, of course not.
0:27:00 > 0:27:05Although there is a little something I'd like in return.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Go on, name your price.
0:27:06 > 0:27:10Your hole punch, the one with the option for A3 settings.
0:27:10 > 0:27:14- Oh, no. No, I use that all the time. - Oh.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16OK then, I, I'm sorry, that was completely
0:27:16 > 0:27:18inappropriate of me, forget I mentioned it.
0:27:22 > 0:27:26- What?- I can't stop thinking about the incident with the hole punch,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28- I'm mortified.- Just get out.
0:27:30 > 0:27:31Oh...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37PHONE BEEPS Shefali. I'm sorry about this -
0:27:37 > 0:27:40you're going to have to book me another vasectomy.