0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:14 > 0:00:16EXCITED SHOUTING
0:00:19 > 0:00:23- DALE:- 'Dear Chief Ken, I am writing you from the city Shanghai
0:00:23 > 0:00:27'in a country the local people call China.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30'Sorry I took off at Christmas without saying goodbye.
0:00:30 > 0:00:34'It all got so complicated. I had a lot of thinking to do.
0:00:34 > 0:00:36'Lichfield, England, is often on my mind,
0:00:36 > 0:00:39'but Lady Luck's been kind to me these last six months.
0:00:39 > 0:00:40'I have a place to live
0:00:40 > 0:00:44'and a top job in the Shanghai business community.
0:00:44 > 0:00:48'Yes, Chief Ken, I can say at last with absolutely certainty
0:00:48 > 0:00:50'that everything is going my way.'
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Oh! Hey, guys!
0:00:57 > 0:01:02That was a great party last night. It was your birthday, right, Hwang?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05A little too much rice wine? You little tearaway!
0:01:05 > 0:01:06Let me see,
0:01:06 > 0:01:08three cold ones coming right up.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14He found out.
0:01:14 > 0:01:15Is he real mad?
0:01:16 > 0:01:17HE SHOUTS OUT
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Sorry, I forgot that was there.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45I just cleaned the place yesterday!
0:01:54 > 0:01:58Whoo! Now, that's my exercise for the day!
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Well, that's not fair, Lu Hong.
0:02:12 > 0:02:13I taught you how to nunchuk.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15LU HONG ROARS
0:02:21 > 0:02:23HE CHOKES
0:02:26 > 0:02:28HE LAUGHS
0:02:28 > 0:02:32Now look, guys, we're all going to laugh about this someday.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- THEY GROAN - But for now,
0:02:34 > 0:02:35I should probably get on a plane.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38HE CHOKES
0:02:38 > 0:02:40Definitely get on a plane.
0:02:55 > 0:02:5840 minutes?! Mate, my wife is about to give birth here.
0:02:58 > 0:03:0220 minutes. OK. Yeah. We can hold on for that long.
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Right.
0:03:03 > 0:03:07I would like a prawn jalfrezi, a chicken bhuna, naans,
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- all of them - peshwari, keema... - Tandoori special.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Tandoori special for four. Lovely. Thank you.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Well remembered, Dylan. SHE SCOFFS
0:03:16 > 0:03:19What? The baby's a week late. Curry induces labour.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22We've had it three times this week, greedy-guts!
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Lorna, it's nothing to do with being greedy.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26This is one of those rare occasions in life
0:03:26 > 0:03:28when doing the right thing is also doing the tasty thing.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30SHE LAUGHS Besides, you need
0:03:30 > 0:03:31to keep your strength up.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34- It's going to be tough when the baby arrives.- Yeah...
0:03:34 > 0:03:35Ken, you know
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- these new branches we're opening up in Sutton Coldfield?- Yeah.
0:03:38 > 0:03:44Rachna asked today if I'd oversee them. Sort of head honcho!
0:03:44 > 0:03:48- Congratulations, love!- Thanks, Ken. They want me to start straight away.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51Erm... Hang on.
0:03:51 > 0:03:55So I was thinking this time round you might handle the baby duties.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00- Paternity leave? I don't think so! - Ha-ha, this is jokes.- Interesting.
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- Why not?- Well, a bit sudden, isn't it? You've rather sprung it on me.
0:04:04 > 0:04:08Sort of like you sprang a baby on me by lying about your vasectomy.
0:04:08 > 0:04:12- Yes, Mum. That's the knockout. - I mean, in theory, why not?
0:04:12 > 0:04:14But I'd have to go in and speak to the other partners,
0:04:14 > 0:04:17and I am hugely important to that firm.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19I'm a king to them, in my own humble way.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Good. You can go and talk to them tomorrow.- Yes. All right.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- I mean, yeah, I'll talk to them.- Great!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Ha-ha, Dad, going to look after the baby?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Going to give it its bockle and wear a pinny
0:04:29 > 0:04:31and be the pwimawy carer?
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Oh, shut up. I'm not even going to mention this at work.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35As soon as your mother lays eyes on that baby
0:04:35 > 0:04:38and the old oxytocin hormone starts a-flowing,
0:04:38 > 0:04:41all thoughts of paternity leave will exit her mind.
0:04:42 > 0:04:46- No, I'm just going to ride this out. - Yeah, sweet plan, Dad.
0:04:46 > 0:04:48Now give me 20 quid or I'll tell Mum.
0:04:52 > 0:04:53Oh, Dylan?
0:04:53 > 0:04:56- When you go to university and leave home...- Yeah, what?
0:04:56 > 0:04:59Nothing. It's just a wonderful thought.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- Bellend. - DOORBELL RINGS
0:05:02 > 0:05:05Yum-yum, here you are...
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Chief Ken!
0:05:08 > 0:05:10It's me. Dale.
0:05:10 > 0:05:14- What the hell...? - Long time, no see.- Dale?!
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Well, come on, come in!
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Lorna! It's Dale!
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Touchdown at Thompson Towers.
0:05:23 > 0:05:26And so concludes another marathon session in the drinking
0:05:26 > 0:05:27establishments of Lichfield.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Thanks for being designated driver. God, it must be boring not drinking.
0:05:31 > 0:05:35Oh, you know me. Couldn't be boring if I tried.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36SHE CHUCKLES
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Oh, I'm so glad we stayed friends.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Best friends. Besties!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44Could have easily been weird, what with us almost being engaged.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Well, technically, we were engaged. You said yes.
0:05:47 > 0:05:50- But then I said no about ten seconds later.- Exactly.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52So we were engaged for ten seconds.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56The point is, you're still the love of my life.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59It's just you're the friend love of my life.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00I think it's because
0:06:00 > 0:06:03it never really got that good for us sexually, did it?
0:06:03 > 0:06:04Yeah...
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Rachel!
0:06:06 > 0:06:07Hi, Ben.
0:06:07 > 0:06:08You have to come in!
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Dale's back!
0:06:10 > 0:06:12- Oh, fuck off!- Oh, my God...
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Ben?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- How do I look?- Not your best.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I mean, maybe just stay in the car, wait until he's gone away again.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25No, I'm going to go in.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- Yeah...- Wish me luck.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Yeah. You go, girl...
0:06:31 > 0:06:33HORN BLARES
0:06:33 > 0:06:34Have fun...
0:06:37 > 0:06:41Yum-yum in my tum! One thing I've missed while in Asia, good curry.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46- Dale, you look so nice in your suit. Doesn't he, Rach?- Yeah.
0:06:46 > 0:06:50- It's very nice.- Mr Xi had this suit made for me personally.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55Oh! Mr Xi is my new mentor.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- What a wise and inspirational man, let me tell ya!- Right.- Mm-hm.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02He's not...another cult leader, is he?
0:07:04 > 0:07:07Of course not, Lorna! I learned my lesson on that one.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- You guys must have thought I was a real dope!- Well, we did...
0:07:10 > 0:07:12- No, we did not!- No.- No.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16No, Mr Xi is actually a very successful businessman.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19So with things going so great for you out there,
0:07:19 > 0:07:20what brings you back to Lichfield?
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Well, once a man has found success in his work,
0:07:24 > 0:07:27his attention turns to matters of the heart.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Oh, Dale doesn't need to go into it just now, does he?- No. No, no.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Well, you can stay as long as you want.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34We're doing up your room for the baby,
0:07:34 > 0:07:36so you'll have to stay in Dylan's room.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- Well, that isn't happening. - Great idea!
0:07:38 > 0:07:40We could get those old bunk beds out.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43No, we could get the old bunk beds in your arse. I'm not...
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Insubordination.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47It is SO good to have you back, Dale.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51You can move your old bed out. I'm not touching your clammy mattress.
0:07:52 > 0:07:56- LORNA:- He's come back for Rachel! Finally, it's happening.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Love is in the air, Ken.- Yeah. And she could do worse, as well.
0:08:00 > 0:08:01He's a good lad, is Dale.
0:08:01 > 0:08:05I mean, he's no brainbox, but, y'know, he gets stuck in.
0:08:05 > 0:08:07I wouldn't want Rach to move to China.
0:08:07 > 0:08:10Although it is a growing economy, I read.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14Yeah. I don't know, y'know?
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Rachel's in a bit of a rut right now. Maybe change would do her good.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19And if it's Dale, I mean,
0:08:19 > 0:08:23who cares if he's her dead husband's son by a teenage one-night stand?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25As the song goes!
0:08:26 > 0:08:28DRILL WHIRS
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- Hey.- Well, hey, Mom!
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Me and Dylan are just building up these bunk beds.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Yeah. Do you think we could drop the whole "Mom" thing
0:08:41 > 0:08:44now that you're back and since we have had...sex?
0:08:44 > 0:08:46Yeah, that makes sense.
0:08:46 > 0:08:50Maybe I'll just call ya Rachel. Or Rach.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I don't know, I can't choose. I like 'em both.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56Dale, erm, I've been thinking.
0:08:56 > 0:09:02Last time you left so suddenly, and I felt that we had some...
0:09:02 > 0:09:06- talking to do.- Yes. Yes, I'm so glad you said that.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08So maybe we could go out?
0:09:08 > 0:09:11There's a neat little Italian just popped up on the high street.
0:09:11 > 0:09:12Oh, cool.
0:09:12 > 0:09:17- What does he want?- No. Erm, it's a restaurant, not a person.
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Oh. Got it, got it. I love that.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- OK, cool.- Um, well...
0:09:24 > 0:09:27- Goodnight.- Goodnight.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37The car just accelerated away, and...
0:09:37 > 0:09:40Hey! How are my NCT homies?
0:09:40 > 0:09:45- Hey, Jess! Good to see you! - How's it going?- Oh, ready to pop.
0:09:45 > 0:09:50Mark's still in Dubai, so, yeah, poor, deserted, pregnant Jess!
0:09:50 > 0:09:53- Oh, it's a crying shame.- Mm.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57Well, he sends cheques, so, you know, maybe I should buy a man in.
0:09:57 > 0:09:59How much for this one?
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Too much for anyone. I sell by the pound!
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- Yeah, all right. - We're actually overdue now.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13Oh, well, erm, a friend of mine swears the only thing that works
0:10:13 > 0:10:14is nipple stimulation.
0:10:14 > 0:10:17Oh, yeah? Oh, we'll have to give that a go.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Us? Ken, you're naughty!
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Ohhh! Oh, no! Oh, hell, no. No!
0:10:23 > 0:10:25No, I meant Lorna and I!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Oh! Of course! Oh!
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- LAUGHS - No, of course!
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Well... No, you two are... You are the sweetest.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33I could just eat you up!
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Rarrr!
0:10:36 > 0:10:41Anyway, better run, so, erm, see you on the other side!
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Bye!- Bye.
0:10:43 > 0:10:49- Good luck!- She's the worst. - I like her.- Because she fancies you.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52I love you for even thinking that's a possibility.
0:10:55 > 0:10:59Right, if I can summarise, Adrian totally cocked things up
0:10:59 > 0:11:00and now they're suing us.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Not a great result, Ken, but I gave it 100%.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Oh, well, as long as you tried(!)
0:11:06 > 0:11:09All right, thank you, meeting adjourned.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12Er, sorry, wait, everyone. Er, Ken? Aren't you forgetting something?
0:11:12 > 0:11:14I don't think so.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16All of you, sit down.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Ken, you drongo, you forgot to ask for your paternity leave.
0:11:19 > 0:11:23- What are you doing? - Lorna texted me to remind you.
0:11:23 > 0:11:24So, everyone, Ken really,
0:11:24 > 0:11:28really wants six months' paid leave to look after his baby.
0:11:30 > 0:11:34You do realise you're supposed to give six weeks' notice?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36You really are putting us in a difficult position.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40Oh, so it's a no, then. Oh, that is a shame.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You'd better text Lorna. Thank you, everyone.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44On the other hand, it would be
0:11:44 > 0:11:47an inspiring example to the female workforce.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51- I think I like it. - Jane, are you on crazy pills?
0:11:51 > 0:11:53We can't do without Ken!
0:11:53 > 0:11:57He's the big daddy, the grand old duke of law.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00He makes it rain like a bloody nimbostratus.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02I mean, looking at it objectively, I do see Adrian's point.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Oh, I don't know, we're big boys and girls. We can handle it.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- We'll be fine!- Yes, brave words, guys, but let's not be cursory, OK?
0:12:09 > 0:12:12Adrian? Maybe unpack what you were saying a little bit more.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- I don't know, er...- Yes, you do.
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- Why shouldn't I do paternity leave? - Er, Ken's the rain maker...
0:12:18 > 0:12:21- You've said that! - Well, let's all vote.
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Who's for Ken's paternity leave?
0:12:24 > 0:12:26That's three for. And against?
0:12:31 > 0:12:33There's three against. Er...
0:12:33 > 0:12:37with the senior partner having the deciding vote.
0:12:37 > 0:12:40Ken, are you really voting against your own paternity leave?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45No. I must have got confused.
0:12:45 > 0:12:49I'm voting FOR it, because that's what I want.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Great! So, Ken's going on paternity leave, and while he's away,
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I suppose I'll have to take up the reins.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59Fantastic. OK, Ken, see you in six months.
0:13:06 > 0:13:10You would love the food. They have this dish, chicken chop suey.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12You've tasted nothing like it!
0:13:12 > 0:13:15God! It makes me miss travelling listening to you.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Travelling is so much fun.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21So, are you, erm, heading back to China any time soon?
0:13:21 > 0:13:25Well, I mean, that kinda depends on what happens while I'm here.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27BOTH: We need to talk about Christmas.
0:13:27 > 0:13:28- Oh! - THEY LAUGH
0:13:28 > 0:13:32- Spooky!- Yeah!- OK, you go first. - No, you go. Erm...
0:13:32 > 0:13:33just say how you feel.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Look, I was so cut up when you said we couldn't be together.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42You see, I was taught to believe that each person on earth was
0:13:42 > 0:13:44given only one love.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I suppose I just got to believe in second chances.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54I've fallen for a truly special girl...
0:13:56 > 0:13:58..someone who's beautiful...
0:13:58 > 0:14:00and kind...
0:14:00 > 0:14:02and clever...
0:14:02 > 0:14:04and funny.
0:14:04 > 0:14:05Oh, yeah?
0:14:05 > 0:14:09Um, what's her name...this girl...?
0:14:10 > 0:14:11Ling.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Ling? Who the fuck is Ling?
0:14:13 > 0:14:16- I mean, Ling...? - LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
0:14:16 > 0:14:20She lives in Shanghai, China. She's Mr Xi's daughter, actually.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24We fell madly in love, but Mr Xi didn't quite approve of it,
0:14:24 > 0:14:26so he had me chased out of town.
0:14:26 > 0:14:30Now I gotta lie low a bit until Ling can talk her dad around.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- So you're in love with Ling.- Yeah!
0:14:32 > 0:14:35And you're just here to hide out from her dad. That's really...
0:14:35 > 0:14:36That's really great.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39- LORNA:- I am so lucky.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42I mean, how many other husbands would just drop their career
0:14:42 > 0:14:45because it is the fair thing to do?
0:14:45 > 0:14:48Yeah. You're right. I am a great guy.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52Having said that...
0:14:52 > 0:14:54now I've shown my willingness to take paternity leave,
0:14:54 > 0:14:57maybe it's time to ask,
0:14:57 > 0:15:01would it be better if I DIDN'T take paternity leave?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03I don't know, Lorn, maybe it would.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Oh, Ken, just grow up.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Just because you take time off to look after your own child
0:15:08 > 0:15:10does not make you less of a man.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13DOORBELL
0:15:13 > 0:15:15You're not getting out of this.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19- Hello, Ken.- Oh...
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- Steve...! We're busy. Go away. - It's not a social call, Ken.
0:15:23 > 0:15:26As your family doctor, I'm here to check on my patient. Lorna?
0:15:26 > 0:15:27Hi, Steve.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Ah... Haven't seen you two much since Connie ran off again.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Do you know, I'm just up the road now.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35You should come round, check out the new hot tub. Got it half-price.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Previous owner died in it.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38OK. We're using a doctor from the hospital.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41You don't want to trust those quacks at the so-called "hospital", do you?
0:15:41 > 0:15:44I was kicked out of the hospital for alleged malpractice.
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Won't let me within 20 yards of the place.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50That is how stupid hospitals are. So there you go.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- Let me have a look.- Erm...- Ken?
0:15:54 > 0:15:56Thank you.
0:16:06 > 0:16:12OK. In my professional opinion, that baby is due any day now.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- Am I right?- It's a week late. - It's a week late.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- Actually getting quite anxious. - Don't encourage him!
0:16:18 > 0:16:19Y'know...
0:16:19 > 0:16:21a while back...
0:16:21 > 0:16:24er, I rejected Western notions of medicine.
0:16:25 > 0:16:28Lorna, I have a trick that will get that baby
0:16:28 > 0:16:30out of you like a rat from a trap.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- OK, that's a very kind offer, but it's a definite no.- Ken!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36We've tried everything else.
0:16:36 > 0:16:40- Does this method involve you touching me in any way?- No.
0:16:41 > 0:16:43- I mean, I could...- No!- No!- No. No.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45It's fine without. No.
0:16:53 > 0:16:54For me?
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Why, thank you.
0:16:56 > 0:17:00Point that to the sky, like you're at Ginza or Karnak.
0:17:00 > 0:17:04Your job is to align the energy fields, Ken. Align them.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07SHE CHUCKLES
0:17:07 > 0:17:08STEVE GRUNTS
0:17:16 > 0:17:17OK, Lorna...
0:17:17 > 0:17:20look at me.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Hip si bin ya. Hip si bin ya.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25Hip si bin ya!
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Ha!
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Up!
0:17:33 > 0:17:36Hip bin sin ya. Hip bin sin ya.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Hip bin sin ya! Hip bin sin ya...
0:17:38 > 0:17:39Hip bin sin...
0:17:39 > 0:17:44YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
0:17:44 > 0:17:48AAAAA...!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53Well, you've blown MY mind, Steve.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56Steve, you silly beggar, this lump...
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Oh, my Jesus Christ.
0:18:00 > 0:18:01SPLASHING
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Ken! It's happening!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06Bloody hell! Where are my car keys? Where are my car keys, Lorn?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08They're in your jacket.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- Come on, Ken, get a move on. - Victory!
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Victory!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Come on, pick up!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- Ooh!- Ben, Ben, the baby's coming. Rachel's not picking up.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19I need you to swing by the restaurant...
0:18:19 > 0:18:20- Ken, Ken, hurry up!- Thanks, mate.
0:18:23 > 0:18:27- Be fair, Ken, let me finish the job. I'll deliver the baby.- Steve...!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30- It'll be a freebie. - Steve, get out. Get out!
0:18:32 > 0:18:35I've been practising at home. I've been practising!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Honestly, it'd be fine.
0:18:37 > 0:18:40Call the baby Steve. Call it Steve!
0:18:40 > 0:18:42Rachel! Stop!
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- Ben?- Sorry. - CRASHING
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Rachel, stop it. Stop it immediately.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Your mother's waters have broken. Come on, stand up.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- Oh, God.- Come on, Dale, stand up. Wrap it up.- Let's go.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54- Will you give me a lift?- Yeah.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Oh, erm, I'll pay. I'll pay.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Yeah, I would take you, but there's only space for one in the car.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03Oh, that's fine. It's under 12 miles, right?
0:19:03 > 0:19:05I'll jog there. Race ya!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Oh! Ohhh...
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Oh, Mum! Are you all right?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Whoo! These suits were not made for long-distance running!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Did a baby come yet?
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- No, no, no, you're all in plenty of time. Dylan!- Dylan!- Better ring him.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26No, I haven't got a signal. I'll be back in a minute, love.
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Ooh...
0:19:28 > 0:19:32Obey me, you bastard! Come on!
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Come on!
0:19:34 > 0:19:36Ken?
0:19:36 > 0:19:41- Ah! You're here, too!- Yeah. Looks like it's popping at last.
0:19:41 > 0:19:42Oh!
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- So, your wife's in too, then? - Yeah.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48Looks like you're going to beat her to it, though. Well done!
0:19:48 > 0:19:50Yeah. I suppose I have a fast vagina.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52Ooh!
0:19:52 > 0:19:53SHE CRIES OUT
0:19:53 > 0:19:55HE JOINS IN
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- What's happening? - What do you think's happening?!
0:19:57 > 0:20:00- Oh!- Get a doctor!- Doctor!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02We need a doc...
0:20:02 > 0:20:04THEY BOTH SHOUT OUT
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Good... Just... SHE CONTINUES SHOUTING
0:20:09 > 0:20:12HE WAILS
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Oh, my God, it's happening!
0:20:15 > 0:20:20- Where's Ken? Get Ken!- I'll find Ken, Lorna, I promise.- Yes!- OK.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24Excuse me, have you seen my giant friend?
0:20:24 > 0:20:27His face looks sort of like a really angry eagle.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29HE SHOUTS OUT
0:20:30 > 0:20:34- One more push.- Fuck you all!
0:20:34 > 0:20:35That's the spirit!
0:20:35 > 0:20:37Doctor, could someone help me release this hand?
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- I've got to be somewhere...- Someone calm the father. He's panicking.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42The thing is, I'm not the father.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Will you support me, you selfish bastard?!
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Rachel, never have children.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Where's your bloody dad?
0:20:51 > 0:20:54MUSIC: Sinnerman by Nina Simone
0:21:06 > 0:21:08BABY CRIES
0:21:08 > 0:21:10It's a girl!
0:21:10 > 0:21:14Maybe Daddy would like to cut the umbilical cord.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15See ya later.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32What?
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Damn you!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Give me the chocolate!
0:21:36 > 0:21:38PHONE BEEPS
0:21:40 > 0:21:43No?! No!
0:21:43 > 0:21:44NO!
0:21:49 > 0:21:52# Lord, I run to the river
0:21:52 > 0:21:55# It was boiling I run to the sea
0:21:55 > 0:21:58# It was boiling I run to the sea... #
0:21:58 > 0:22:00He's like a bear. He's like a big bear.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02KEN ROARS
0:22:02 > 0:22:03OK.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06CHIEF KEN!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Sorry, sir.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11# Please help me... #
0:22:11 > 0:22:13Ken? Ken!
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Have you seen a really huge man? He calls himself Chief Ken.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18# He said...
0:22:18 > 0:22:22# Child, where were you?... #
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Ohhh!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Shit! Come on!
0:22:27 > 0:22:29One...one...
0:22:29 > 0:22:30Please!
0:22:30 > 0:22:35- Oh, thank God! I need to get to my wife.- Of course! You're Ken, right?
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- Yes!- I'll take you to her. - Thank you! Thank you!
0:22:43 > 0:22:44BABY CRIES
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Ken! You came back!
0:22:47 > 0:22:49No! Not you!
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Not bloody you!
0:22:56 > 0:22:58Sorry!
0:23:01 > 0:23:03Lorna!
0:23:03 > 0:23:05Ken? Where were you?
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I had bad phone reception.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Oh! Chief Ken! I was looking everywhere for you.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14- Ken, I can't believe you... - Lorna, shh.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Can we please just enjoy the moment?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Here. Hold your son.
0:23:19 > 0:23:21BABY CRIES
0:23:21 > 0:23:23- Have you got him?- Yeah.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27BABY STOPS CRYING
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Oh, Dad, magic touch!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Wow.
0:23:39 > 0:23:43I'll do it. I'll take the paternity leave. Stuff work.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46It's my turn.
0:23:46 > 0:23:51Well, I'm glad you've come to your senses. Here, pass him over.
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Greedy-guts.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Number three, eh?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05At last! I have a son!
0:24:05 > 0:24:07Er, Dad, what about Dylan?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Oh, yeah. Dylan.
0:24:15 > 0:24:19Here you go. And if there's anything else you want, just ask.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Wow, I feel like a princess.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25And all I had to do was push a ginormous baby out of my lulu.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Sid's a great name.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Sidney Poitier, Sidney James...
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Oh, Sidney Vicious!
0:24:36 > 0:24:37There are no bad Sids.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41- What?- Just thinking.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44By the time Sid's 18, you'll be 65, about to retire,
0:24:44 > 0:24:46starting to forget things.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49- Well, that's if your heart hasn't packed in first.- Right...
0:24:49 > 0:24:51- Goodnight, Lorna.- Goodnight.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Night, Siddles!
0:24:54 > 0:24:57SID CRIES
0:24:57 > 0:25:00- Primary carer?- I'll start tomorrow. - Starting now.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03- You're not back at work yet. - Can't hear you!
0:25:07 > 0:25:08Oh, bollocks!