0:00:02 > 0:00:05This programme contains some strong language
0:00:05 > 0:00:07MUSIC: Talk Dirty by Jason Derulo
0:00:19 > 0:00:21- 'Hey, Dylan.' - Why've you got your coat on?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Are you naked underneath?
0:00:23 > 0:00:24'Look, we need to talk.'
0:00:24 > 0:00:27Oh, yeah, we're going to talk all right.
0:00:27 > 0:00:30'Dylan, this isn't going to be easy to say.
0:00:30 > 0:00:31- 'You're dumped.' - What?!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- 'I've met someone else.' - Who?!
0:00:34 > 0:00:36'A guy at uni. You'd like him, actually.'
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Well, I fucking doubt it!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Why are you doing this?
0:00:40 > 0:00:42'I don't know, maybe he's just better than you'.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46- What, you mean, sex-wise? - 'Well, yeah. But also generally.'
0:00:46 > 0:00:48This is the worst wank ever.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50- 'Ready, babe? - 'Yeah, almost done.'
0:00:50 > 0:00:52He's there?! In the room with you?
0:00:52 > 0:00:54That is it!
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Right, Zoe, I'm going to go out tonight
0:00:55 > 0:00:58and I'm going to pull so many girls and I'm going to bang...
0:01:08 > 0:01:11Work weekend. I hope it's not bloody paintballing again.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14Bryony from head office has got it in for me
0:01:14 > 0:01:16and those pellets really smart.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Dylan, you have only been there for three weeks.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21No, I don't think it's been a good innings.
0:01:21 > 0:01:23And don't use cricketing terminology to try and get round me.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- Look, just don't do anything stupid. I'll call you back.- What's happened?
0:01:28 > 0:01:31It's Dylan. He wants to drop out of university.
0:01:31 > 0:01:32BOTH: What?!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33He's only been there a month.
0:01:33 > 0:01:35I know. And what a lovely month it's been.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Oh, well.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40If he doesn't like it. He's never been at home in academia, Ken.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44He's not in academia, Lorna. He's doing media studies.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47And besides, university is about more than that.
0:01:47 > 0:01:49It's about Dylan discovering himself as a person,
0:01:49 > 0:01:50whilst not living in MY house.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53It's not the end of the world, Dad. I never went to uni.
0:01:53 > 0:01:56- Yeah, look what happened here. - Oh, what DID happen?
0:01:57 > 0:02:01You became a lovely, rounded young lady,
0:02:01 > 0:02:03with a worthy job in charity.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07Hoo-hoo! Great run, Dale! Morning, guys.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09Dylan's not like you. Someone's going to have to go
0:02:09 > 0:02:10and talk the toerag into staying.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Well, you'll have to go down to the university.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16I'm busy team building with some people I've known for over ten years.
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Oh, very well - once again,
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- I will shoulder the burden of responsible parenting.- Good.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23I'm just going to go and say goodbye to my little Siddle-diddle.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Wait. You're going to visit Dylan at university? I want to come.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, you can't. It's going to be tricky situation, so...
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Well, I'll help out. And I won't take no as an answer!- No?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- What if it's a really firm no? - Won't take it!
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- I might try anyway, see how I get on. No.- I'm still coming!
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- Hi.- Hi.- I've always wanted to see a university.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51- What do people usually wear? - Are you sure you want to go?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54I'm looking after Baby Sid on my own today. Quite a handful.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Which Frisbee should I bring, red or yellow?
0:02:56 > 0:03:00- I mean, you could stay and help me out.- And miss out on university?
0:03:00 > 0:03:01No thanks!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04Because otherwise it's just going to be me...
0:03:04 > 0:03:06on my own...
0:03:06 > 0:03:08in the house.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Could get pretty boring.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Well, then, I'll definitely go with Chief Ken!
0:03:12 > 0:03:15OK, fine, suit yourself.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19Oh - students wear ties, hats and blazers, but only on Fridays.
0:03:19 > 0:03:22- Today's Friday. - Yes, it is.- Oh, thanks!
0:03:30 > 0:03:32Did you go to university, Chief Ken?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35Yes, I did. And back in the days when it meant something.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38Not like these days, when kids leave with a 30 grand debt
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- and a degree in golf course management.- They have golf courses?!
0:03:42 > 0:03:45- That's amazing.- Had some of the best days of my life at university.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Getting drunk with pretty girls,
0:03:47 > 0:03:51banging on about the miners' strike and how much I hated Thatcher.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54- Thatcher? Who's he?- Never mind.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58You're so smart.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Which is weird, cos if Dylan drops out,
0:04:00 > 0:04:02then none of your kids will have gone to university.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03Oh, God!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- Except for Sid, of course.- Ah.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08By the time he's old enough, who knows if you'll even be alive?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Yeah, all right. Can you take those clothes off now?
0:04:10 > 0:04:12You look like Jimmy Krankie.
0:04:12 > 0:04:13- Is that bad?- Yes.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- Worse than Thatcher?- Er...
0:04:19 > 0:04:20No.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26Oh!
0:04:26 > 0:04:30Oh, come on, you bastard. Oh! Come on!
0:04:30 > 0:04:31DOORBELL RINGS
0:04:34 > 0:04:38- Guten Morgen, meine Rachel! - Ben! I was just heading out.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40I was just dropping this round for your dad.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- I have had a letter published in the Solicitors Journal.- Well done.
0:04:44 > 0:04:45Well, it's nothing really,
0:04:45 > 0:04:47just a few lines about a minor factual error.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Page 17, if you're interested. I've marked it with a yellow tab
0:04:50 > 0:04:53- and, er, circled it in red. - Oh, great, thanks.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55You don't know anything about pushchairs, do you?
0:04:55 > 0:04:58- This one's jammed. - Well, let me have a look.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01Ah, the Dual Cotterill. Good unit.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03I used to browse round Mothercare
0:05:03 > 0:05:04back when I thought you and I might...
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Never mind. There is a safety catch here.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12And then it just...clicks out.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14Oh, brilliant!
0:05:14 > 0:05:18Now I've just got to push him round Tesco's and get loads of stuff.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Mum's gone away, Dad and Dale are off to see Dylan
0:05:21 > 0:05:22and I'm left on my own.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Er, incredible idea alert.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27Why don't you stay here and I go do the shopping?
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- Oh, bit of a hassle. - Not for Bestie Ben!
0:05:30 > 0:05:31I'll get everything you need
0:05:31 > 0:05:33and maybe pick us up something nice for dinner.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37- Oh, Ben, you're amazing. - Yes, I am.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- OK. Bye-bye, Sid! - "Bye-bye, Ben!"- See you later.
0:05:40 > 0:05:41SHE EXHALES
0:05:41 > 0:05:46Oh, that was nice of Uncle Ben, wasn't it? Come on, Sid.
0:05:55 > 0:06:00- OK. When we find Dylan, let me do the talking, all right?- Why?
0:06:00 > 0:06:01I'm super persuasive.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Yes. We're not going to kidnap him or cut his thumbs off, are we, Dale?
0:06:04 > 0:06:05As much as he probably deserves it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07OK. Maybe just slap him a little.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10No! We're going to be firm but fair, all right?
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Oh...
0:06:16 > 0:06:17Please can you move your car?
0:06:17 > 0:06:22- Sorry, what?- I said, can you move your car?- Can I move my car?
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Well, there's plenty of spaces. - That space is for electric vehicles.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Sorry, it's for what? - Electric vehicles!
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Electric vehicles?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33It's not very clearly marked.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Maybe I'll leave my car where it is.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Well, maybe I'll call the clamping firm.
0:06:41 > 0:06:46- Is this a university or a prison? - Thatcher!- Well said, Dale.
0:06:46 > 0:06:48- Jimmy Krankie!- Not as relevant, but still good.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Fine. I'll move.
0:07:04 > 0:07:05KNOCK AT DOOR
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Dylan, I know you're in there. HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS
0:07:08 > 0:07:10I can hear your music!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13MUSIC STOPS Ah.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15Sneaky AND stupid. Terrible combination.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21Do you have a credit card?
0:07:22 > 0:07:24I learned this lock-picking technique when I was in jail.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28All right.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33- That'll work. - Yeah.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38- What the fuck?!- I can never remember what THAT's for.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Right, young man, we need to talk.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44Leave me alone. I know what you're going to say,
0:07:44 > 0:07:45but you don't understand.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48- I hate it here. - Should I slap him?- No!
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Dylan...
0:07:53 > 0:07:57University is a really important time in a young person's life.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- I just don't want you to miss out. - God, you're such a dick!
0:08:00 > 0:08:01- Dale, slap him. - Face or neck?
0:08:01 > 0:08:04Fine, then, I'll get the train home, but leave me alone!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06DYLAN SOBS
0:08:06 > 0:08:09Are you...? Are you crying?!
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- Oh, is it because of the door? - No, you twat, it's because of Zoe!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15She dumped me and now she's seeing this other guy.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18- Oh.- I know it sounds lame, but I really love the bitch.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Oh, God, I'm so depressed!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22Listen, love. The thing is...
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Hey... I got this.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Hey, Dilly. Look here.
0:08:29 > 0:08:33Zoe is with another guy now.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36And they did just get together, so you have two understand
0:08:36 > 0:08:39that at this moment, they're pretty busy intercoursing often.
0:08:39 > 0:08:42Oh, God!
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Dale, maybe go and explore the campus for a bit.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Maybe find that golf course? - Maybe find that golf course.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50I'm going to find it!
0:08:50 > 0:08:53Look, Dad, it's not just Zoe, OK? It's everything -
0:08:53 > 0:08:55this place, the people, the courses.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I've tried, Dad, I've tried so hard, I promise.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59But, I mean...
0:08:59 > 0:09:02it's like you said, media studies is shit.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08All right. But you're getting a job and you're paying rent.
0:09:09 > 0:09:10Deal.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16University's such a rip-off.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19I mean, you pay nine grand and you get this.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23(Nine grand. Shit!)
0:09:23 > 0:09:25But, um, thanks for putting me first, Dad.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28Hey. Come on, you're my son.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Nothing is more important than that.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34Just out of interest, who does look after the money here?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I'm so sorry about that little misunderstanding earlier.
0:09:38 > 0:09:41I was very tired after a long drive.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43(Although it was rather... inconvenient.)
0:09:44 > 0:09:47OK. I just wanted to clarify something.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50My son, Dylan Thompson, he's going to be dropping out.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53(I'm sorry to hear that. We'll miss him.)
0:09:53 > 0:09:56I'm sorry, do you mind if I move a bit closer? I'm struggling to...
0:09:57 > 0:10:00So it's just the small matter of the tuition fees
0:10:00 > 0:10:01and when they would be refunded.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04(Oh. Let's have a look.)
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Hm.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- Never. - What?!
0:10:12 > 0:10:13They're non-refundable.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17He's been here for one month and I paid £9,000, so
0:10:17 > 0:10:20give me 8,500 and we'll call it quits.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22Non-refundable. And non-negotiable.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24But I've told him he can leave.
0:10:25 > 0:10:28All right, eight grand. Final offer.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Thank you. You're printing me a receipt.
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Clause 17 on the fees contract. Zero refunds.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39Dylan is a bright boy
0:10:39 > 0:10:43and this university has failed to stimulate his keen mind.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- According to our files, he hasn't been to a single lecture.- What?!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53OK...
0:10:58 > 0:11:00I'm a lawyer.
0:11:01 > 0:11:05And I'm going to tell you something just once.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09If I walk out of that door without the tuition fees,
0:11:09 > 0:11:13there will be... serious consequences.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15(Mm-hm?)
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Mm-hm...
0:11:22 > 0:11:23OK.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Very well.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34You leave me no choice.
0:11:39 > 0:11:417,500 grand, final offer.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48There you are!
0:11:48 > 0:11:53Here's dinner, and until then I have an array of Iberian hams...
0:11:53 > 0:11:57- Ooh...- ..and some dip-worthy snacks. - Oh, Ben, this is amazing.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Let me go and get you some money. - No, no, it's on me.
0:11:59 > 0:12:01I thought, "Hey, we're stuck indoors,
0:12:01 > 0:12:03"might as well make the best of it." You know -
0:12:03 > 0:12:07two besties, some wine and a boxset. Be like old times, eh?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- Did you get changed?- Yeah, I bought a couple of things while I was out.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- Shirt and some shoes. - And aftershave?
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Yeah. Do you like it? - It's quite strong, isn't it?- I know!
0:12:19 > 0:12:21Oh, I loved that.
0:12:23 > 0:12:26- Look at Sid. He's still bouncing. - Mm.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28Have you been going to the gym?
0:12:28 > 0:12:32You know - single man, got standards to keep up.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Actually, what HAS been happening with your romantic life?
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Because you've kept your cards very close to your chest.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Oh, er, OK.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43- Well, there's been a variety of girls...- Mm.- ..all really smoking.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47I'm just not sure I'm...ready to get into a relationship, you know?
0:12:47 > 0:12:49However much they plead.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52Whoever you'll choose, they'll be a very lucky girl.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54- Think we should have that food, then.- Hell, yeah!
0:12:54 > 0:12:57- I'll pop it in the microwave.- OK.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Oh - Mum gave me 40 quid for the shopping.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Please take it.- No way, best-ay!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05OK, well, I'm putting the money in your wallet, is it in your coat?
0:13:05 > 0:13:09- Do not go near my coat! - Oh, what's that?
0:13:09 > 0:13:10Don't open it.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Oh, the engagement ring.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's, erm...
0:13:18 > 0:13:21I keep it on me when I see you, just in case.
0:13:21 > 0:13:25So I mean, when you said we were past all that old stuff, you...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30Oh, listen. Sid's fine. Erm...
0:13:30 > 0:13:34And thanks for getting all the dinner and everything. It's lovely.
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Yeah. OK.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Oh, the ready meal.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44Don't forget to pierce the film before you put it in the microwave.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47- OK.- Can I have my ring back, please? - Oh, yeah.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50Erm...
0:13:50 > 0:13:52- Oh, shit.- What?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- Well, I can't see the ring. - Well, what do you mean?
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Oh, God, it must have fallen onto him.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- Oh...! OK. I think Sid might have swallowed it.- Oh, God!
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Oh... Ben, what do we do?
0:14:03 > 0:14:06I don't know. I mean, I could try and claim on the contents insurance
0:14:06 > 0:14:08- but there'd be a hell of an excess to pay.- What?!
0:14:08 > 0:14:12- Oh, God, and now I have a nosebleed. Argh!- Come on, Siddie...
0:14:12 > 0:14:14Oh, God.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20OK. Slight change of plan.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Instead of leaving university, you are in fact now staying.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25What?! Why?
0:14:25 > 0:14:27Look, Dylan. I...
0:14:27 > 0:14:30I just hate for you to throw away a perfectly good career
0:14:30 > 0:14:32- in media studies.- You didn't get your money back, did you?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34Look, I don't want to get all draconian about it, right,
0:14:34 > 0:14:36but I pay nine grand for you to be here,
0:14:36 > 0:14:39so I essentially own you for at least one year.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43- Well, that's slavery.- Yes. Well, maybe slavery isn't that bad.
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Think of all the music it gave us.
0:14:46 > 0:14:48Come on, Dylan. Give this place another chance.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Only came to uni to have a laugh. It's just so lame here.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54It's full of sad twats and international students.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57All they have is a library, a shit bar and...and a pond full of geese.
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- They're ducks, mate.- Oh, God, you're always criticising me.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05Look, Dylan! University's amazing.
0:15:05 > 0:15:10Think of all the parties, and the protest marches...
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Yeah, OK, forget the protest marches.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16- There'll be someone here for you to have a laugh with.- Hey, guys!
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Want to come and play Frisbee with us? Heads up, Nathan!
0:15:19 > 0:15:20Oh! You OK?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Look, Dad, I'm telling you, this is the lamest place ever.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Don't be a quitter.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Hey. Let's go and have a pint in the student union bar.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29That's where all the laughs start.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39See? This place isn't too bad.
0:15:39 > 0:15:40I'm sure it'll pick up later.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42No, it won't. This is as good as it gets.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46Where's the band posters?
0:15:46 > 0:15:48Where's the guy selling the Socialist Worker?
0:15:48 > 0:15:50Where's the 10p-a-pint signs?
0:15:50 > 0:15:53Last week they actually had a talk about alcohol awareness.
0:15:53 > 0:15:54Unbelievable!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Is that kid doing an essay?
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- There's not even any graffiti in the bogs.- What?
0:16:01 > 0:16:05- There's got to be an anarchy sign or a badly drawn cock and balls?- No.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06Well, this place is a disgrace.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Woo-hoo!
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I love university! I've made so many friends.
0:16:12 > 0:16:15- See?- Guys, this is Charlie.
0:16:15 > 0:16:18Nathan and I were playing Frisbee and Charlie joined in...
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- uh, what's that word again? - Ironically.
0:16:20 > 0:16:23..Ironically. So we played ironic Frisbee together.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Right! Good. Would you sit down, Charlie, join us?
0:16:26 > 0:16:27No-one really drinks in here.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30No-one that I know anyway. I'm going to a party at Ottley House.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- Oh, where's that?- You haven't heard of Ottley House?
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Oh, no. No, yeah. I've heard of it, obviously.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37I was, um... I was being ironic.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39- HE LAUGHS - She loves that!
0:16:39 > 0:16:40THEY LAUGH
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Well, the party's going to be pretty messed up, you should come.
0:16:43 > 0:16:44Bring your grandad too.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50Did you eat something naughty?
0:16:50 > 0:16:54Did your bad, bad sister feed you something naughty?
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- I didn't strictly feed it to him. - Of course not!
0:16:57 > 0:17:01But in future you should know feeding babies metal jewellery
0:17:01 > 0:17:03is considered bad parenting.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Yeah. I knew.- "Knew".
0:17:05 > 0:17:08Well, not to worry. He'll poo it out in a few hours.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- You'll soon have your engagement ring back.- Great!
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- But it's not actually my engagement ring.- Well, it sort of is.
0:17:14 > 0:17:18- We were engaged and...it was the ring.- We weren't, I said no.
0:17:18 > 0:17:21Well, you said yes first. Ten seconds, it still counts.
0:17:21 > 0:17:23OK!
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Well - as this isn't a medical issue, I have no comment.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- Unless... How old are you?- 24.
0:17:30 > 0:17:33Because statistically, if you haven't met your husband by 25
0:17:33 > 0:17:36you won't marry till 29, and childbirth after 30
0:17:36 > 0:17:38puts a massive strain on the NHS.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41So if I DID have to advise you medically...
0:17:41 > 0:17:42Have a think about it.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47"Should your sister have said yes? Should she?
0:17:47 > 0:17:52"He looks nice enough. Handsome.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54"Should she be more realistic?"
0:17:54 > 0:17:56- OK...- "I think she should."
0:18:00 > 0:18:03MUSIC: Dirty Basement by Elektrons
0:18:09 > 0:18:12- Hey.- Hey! Have you guys got any booze? We're running low.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15In luck! Old guy does.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Now, this is more like it.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Hey, guys. We've got booze!
0:18:20 > 0:18:21CHEERING
0:18:21 > 0:18:23I got Frisbee!
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- That's what a credit card's for. - I'm learning so much at university!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35We're going to leave you to it.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Yeah, nice one.
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Hey, Dad.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42I thought you were going to be a right dick about today,
0:18:42 > 0:18:45but you were only half as much of a dick as I thought you'd be.
0:18:46 > 0:18:49- Thank you, Dylan. - Stay for a beer if you like.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54No. You don't want me hanging around cramping your style.
0:18:56 > 0:19:00MUSIC: People Get Up And Drive Your Funky Soul by James Brown
0:19:12 > 0:19:13Again!
0:19:13 > 0:19:15MUSIC CONTINUES
0:19:25 > 0:19:29OK, Siddie, let's have a little look at you.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33No. Still no joy.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35All right, then. All right.
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Oh... Let's warm you up some milk.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51You OK?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53Yeah.
0:19:54 > 0:19:57Ben, I worry, being friends with me
0:19:57 > 0:20:02maybe...it's not the best thing for you at the moment.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- No, no, it IS the best thing. - Will you be honest for a sec?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08It's just so ridiculous.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12Dale's in love with this...Ling woman, you're in love with Dale
0:20:12 > 0:20:14and I'm in...
0:20:15 > 0:20:18SHE SIGHS Oh, God.
0:20:18 > 0:20:19You're right.
0:20:20 > 0:20:25Maybe we should all...have a fresh start and move on.
0:20:25 > 0:20:29The trouble with moving on is...you don't know what's round the corner.
0:20:29 > 0:20:34There could be a hairpin bend. Or a new boyfriend who REALLY hurts you.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39Sometimes, when you're moving on, you've got to go into reverse
0:20:39 > 0:20:41and back up a little.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42And as you're backing up,
0:20:42 > 0:20:46you might be worried you're going over old ground, but
0:20:46 > 0:20:49actually it's the best thing you could possibly do.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Because the old ground
0:20:51 > 0:20:53is safe...and reliable...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56..thinks you're beautiful.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Ben...
0:20:58 > 0:21:02The old ground will never...hurt you or leave you.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06It'll just be glad that you're, you know...
0:21:06 > 0:21:08driving over it again.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13SHE SNIFFS
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- Ooh, gosh, can you smell that? - Yeah, I think I can.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Ooh!
0:21:18 > 0:21:23- I think we have success, baby Sid. - Yeah!- Oh...!- A bit too much.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24- Eurgh.- Eurgh.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:21:29 > 0:21:30Maggie! ALL: Out!
0:21:30 > 0:21:31Maggie! ALL: Out!
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- Your dad is wicked.- Mm-hm.
0:21:38 > 0:21:41Folks, seriously... I've got another one for you guys,
0:21:41 > 0:21:43see if you can join along.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45This is a little number...
0:21:45 > 0:21:47by a Mr Billy Bragg.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Come in with me when you're ready.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54# I was a miner
0:21:54 > 0:21:57# I was a docker
0:21:57 > 0:22:02# I was a railwayman Between the wars... #
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Let's go.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05# I was a miner... #
0:22:05 > 0:22:07He was a miner!
0:22:07 > 0:22:10- # I was a docker... # - Docker!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13# ..a railwayman Between the wars... #
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Mother-frickin' wars!- Let's go...
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:22:24 > 0:22:25Maggie! ALL: Out!
0:22:25 > 0:22:27- Maggie!- You can't be in here... - ALL: Out!
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! ALL: Out, out, out!
0:22:34 > 0:22:38You...can't be in here. This room is a fire risk,
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- you must all leave immediately. - Oh, come on,
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- they're just trying to have a bit of fun.- The party's over.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48Everyone, please leave.
0:22:48 > 0:22:49You square.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52- Thatcher!- Yes, Dale.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55Aren't you...a bit old for this kind of thing?
0:22:55 > 0:23:00I am not going to take a lecture... from the likes of you.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- LAUGHTER - (Bollocks.)
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Well, I can see where he gets THAT from.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09Guys...? Guys, wait!
0:23:10 > 0:23:11I can see you all want to go,
0:23:11 > 0:23:14and you think the party's over...
0:23:14 > 0:23:17but before you do I want to say a couple things.
0:23:17 > 0:23:18OK?
0:23:19 > 0:23:25All it takes for evil to flourish is for a few good men to say nothing.
0:23:25 > 0:23:29We have to show that supercilious bell-end
0:23:29 > 0:23:32that we will NOT be pushed around by the Man.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35All right?
0:23:35 > 0:23:37We must fight... the might...of the system!
0:23:37 > 0:23:39WHO'S WITH HIM?!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41WHO'S WITH ME?!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44OK.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I'll be honest...
0:23:46 > 0:23:48I'm a little disappointed by the turnout.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50OK, Dad, what's the plan?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53The plan...is we're going to teach that smug little twat
0:23:53 > 0:23:55a lesson he won't forget.
0:23:56 > 0:24:01- The old classic. We're going to turn his car on its roof.- No, Dad, stop.
0:24:01 > 0:24:06- Dylan...!- What if we pick it up, and...move it over there?
0:24:06 > 0:24:07Onto the island.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12You are a chip off the old block! OK, boys,
0:24:12 > 0:24:15let's put this prick's car on the island!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Wait, Chief Ken... This is all allowed at university?
0:24:18 > 0:24:20It's totally fine.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Dad, come on!
0:24:21 > 0:24:24OK, boys. Three, two, one.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Heave!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31- Oh, he's going to shit when he sees this!- Hi, Mr Duck!
0:24:32 > 0:24:36We can do this, guys, come on...
0:24:37 > 0:24:38Onto the island she goes!
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Yes!
0:24:42 > 0:24:48OK, boys. One last heave. One, two, three...
0:24:49 > 0:24:52Yes, Dad! I am DEFINTELY staying at university!
0:24:52 > 0:24:53So proud of you, son.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57THEY LAUGH AND CHEER
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Oh, no! Oh...!
0:25:12 > 0:25:15Final offer - five grand.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21I can't believe they kicked me out. Why did you make me do that?
0:25:21 > 0:25:23You're an adult now, Dylan,
0:25:23 > 0:25:25and as an adult, we take responsibility for our own actions.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27That said - don't tell your mother.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29I can still smell burning duck.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Yeah. It'll take me a while till I have a Chinese.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Still, university was great, wasn't it?
0:25:34 > 0:25:36Can we go back EVERY weekend?
0:25:36 > 0:25:39- You are such a fucktard. - Dylan. That's enough.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42No, it's OK, Chief Ken. He was just being ironic.
0:25:42 > 0:25:46Like me saying, "It's NOT going to be great to have you home again, bro!"
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Oh, yeah - I'm not getting a job, by the way. I'm going travelling.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Oh, yeah? And who's going to be paying for that?
0:25:51 > 0:25:53Well - you are, or I'll tell Mum.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55- Dale?- On it.
0:25:55 > 0:25:56Ow!
0:26:00 > 0:26:02Welcome home, son.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05OK, here we go, Chief Ken!
0:26:05 > 0:26:08- # I was a miner... # - Woo!
0:26:08 > 0:26:10- # I was a docker... # - Docker!
0:26:10 > 0:26:14# I was a railway man Between the wars... #
0:26:14 > 0:26:15Your go, Mr Bragg!
0:26:15 > 0:26:19# I raised a family In time of austerity
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# With sweat at the foundry Between the wars
0:26:23 > 0:26:25- DALE RAPS:- # Between the wars These mother-freakin' wars
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# What are we killing for? Just got to love some more, Chief Ken. #
0:26:29 > 0:26:32- Was that somebody bloody rapping?! - Oh, I'm so sorry, Billy.