0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains strong language
0:00:04 > 0:00:07It was supposed to be a small thing. Why did you have to invite so many people?
0:00:07 > 0:00:11- You agreed to a party, Ken. Parties require people. - No. I agreed to a gathering.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14Have it on a Sunday. Cut-off time, 5pm.
0:00:14 > 0:00:16Leave the evening free to watch Coast.
0:00:16 > 0:00:17Don't be such a grinch.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20How often do you get to have a baby naming day?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Well, as it's a completely made up ceremony, I'd say...
0:00:22 > 0:00:24well, whenever you want. DOOR OPENS
0:00:24 > 0:00:26All right, Dale. You've been gone hours.
0:00:26 > 0:00:28Yeah, just got a lot on my mind.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29Worrying about Ling.
0:00:29 > 0:00:31If she'll ever be in touch again.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I just...I started running.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Before I knew it, I was in a place called Wolverhampton.
0:00:35 > 0:00:36The jewel of the Midlands.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Oh, poor Dale!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Anyway, booze, got.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42Snacks, got.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44All we need now is to decide
0:00:44 > 0:00:46who's going to conduct the baby naming ceremony.
0:00:46 > 0:00:48Oh, Chief Ken, Chief Ken, Chief Ken?
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Something you want to say, Dale?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51Please let me do this for Sid.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53He is the best darn baby uncle I have ever had
0:00:53 > 0:00:56and I would cherish the chance to repay him.
0:00:56 > 0:00:57I don't know.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59A lot is expected of the guy
0:00:59 > 0:01:01who does ye olde atheist baby naming ceremony.
0:01:01 > 0:01:03- PHONE CHIMES - Oh, what?
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Zoe's coming to the party
0:01:04 > 0:01:06and she's bringing her new boyfriend from uni.
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Ooh, bit awks.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Oh, she's playing mind games, the bitch.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Well, if that's what she wants, then this player's going to play.
0:01:12 > 0:01:13Oh, God.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Play, play, play.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16Course you can do it, Dale.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Ha-ha! Yes!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21I don't know what it is, but I'm getting started right now!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25HORN BEEPS OUTSIDE
0:01:25 > 0:01:26I know that car horn.
0:01:27 > 0:01:29HORN BEEPS
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Lorna...
0:01:39 > 0:01:43could you tell me why my dad's 1976 Triumph Stag is on the driveway?
0:01:43 > 0:01:44Ken, I might have forgotten to mention...
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I sent an invite to your mum for Sunday.
0:01:47 > 0:01:48Interesting,
0:01:48 > 0:01:51because I did expressly ask you not to.
0:01:51 > 0:01:52Ken, I didn't think she'd come.
0:01:52 > 0:01:54- Cooee! - SHE LAUGHS
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Oh, Lorna!
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Belinda.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00- You look lovely.- You, too.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Kenneth.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09I see you drove Dad's car all the way from Spain.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11Well, not all the way.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12I had to have a tow through the Pyrenees
0:02:12 > 0:02:15after I blew the oil pump.
0:02:15 > 0:02:16You did what?
0:02:16 > 0:02:17I'm joking, Ken. Oh, God!
0:02:17 > 0:02:20He's always been so easy to wind up.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22And cars are made to be driven.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24Not this one. It is a classic.
0:02:24 > 0:02:25It belongs under a nonstatic tarp,
0:02:25 > 0:02:27only to be viewed by a select group of men,
0:02:27 > 0:02:29who have equal reverence for its beauty.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30Yes, well...
0:02:30 > 0:02:32I asked Alan and...
0:02:32 > 0:02:34he says he wants me to drive it.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Well, as long as Dad's ghost thinks it's OK.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Thanks for asking him, by the way.
0:02:38 > 0:02:39It always makes things so much clearer.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Right.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Now, where are my gorgeous grandchildren?
0:02:43 > 0:02:44SHE LAUGHS
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Cooee!
0:02:48 > 0:02:50- Oh!- Nan!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51Oh, hello.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Oh, you look amazing! - You, too. Listen...
0:02:54 > 0:02:57I meant to send you a card when you got married to that American chap,
0:02:57 > 0:02:58but, you know...
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Also, I meant to send you a consolation card
0:03:00 > 0:03:02when he fell off that mountain,
0:03:02 > 0:03:04but it slipped my mind.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Oh! Shouldn't have said slipped.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08Well, the important thing is you're here now, so...
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Chief Ken? Is this the family matriarch?
0:03:10 > 0:03:11Yes.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Mum, this is Dale. He's our...nanny.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Dale, this is my mother, Belinda.
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Oh, Belinda.
0:03:19 > 0:03:20Behold.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Your step great-grandson.
0:03:22 > 0:03:25Oh, what lovely manners. Hello, Dale.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27And this must be...
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Oh, yes. The big guy. - BELINDA GASPS
0:03:29 > 0:03:30Oh!
0:03:30 > 0:03:34What a lovely fat baby!
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- SHE LAUGHS - Someone won't need a paternity test!
0:03:37 > 0:03:40Well, if he's anything like Ken, it'll all fall off aged two.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43And come flooding back age 16.
0:03:43 > 0:03:44What are you calling him?
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Sid.
0:03:45 > 0:03:47Oh, no. Bleurgh.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Sid isn't a name. It's a noise.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51You should call him...
0:03:51 > 0:03:52Horatio.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55Oh, it's a perfect name for a fire sign!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Lorna, speak to me. Horatio, does it suit?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- Well, actually... - We are calling him Sid.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Well, I shall call him Horatio.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05You can insist on being perverse,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07but there's no reason for your mum to rise to it.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- SHE GASPS - Horatio. Horatio.
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Horatio...
0:04:12 > 0:04:14There we go.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Nice strong brew for you, Belinda.
0:04:17 > 0:04:19- BELINDA GASPS - Thanks.- Kenneth?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21Go on.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27So...
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Mum...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32we should probably talk about the car, while it's on my driveway.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34You do remember Dad left it to me?
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Your dad said a lot of things towards the end.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Once he told me he regretted ever meeting me,
0:04:39 > 0:04:41and that our marriage was a sham!
0:04:41 > 0:04:43Yeah, well... He did bequeath it to me, so...
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Oh! Out comes the fancy language.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Can I at least take it for a drive?
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Absolutely not. Your driving? You're far too emotional.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51You get yourself all worked up.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53You're behind the wheel, Next thing you know...
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Just so you know, this happened once, in 1985.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57..your car's round a lamppost.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59- It was 1985. - Well, maybe not a lamppost,
0:04:59 > 0:05:00- but you crashed it.- It was 1985.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03- You should have seen the state of the bonnet, after he...- It was 1985.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04IT WAS 1985!
0:05:09 > 0:05:10Bequeath -
0:05:10 > 0:05:12"to hand down or pass on".
0:05:12 > 0:05:14It's a very common word.
0:05:14 > 0:05:16In the 16th century.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18We've had five wonderful years without her.
0:05:18 > 0:05:21Why couldn't she have just stayed in Spain, like an ordinary mother?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Oh, Ken, she is nice.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27I mean, I know she has her funny ideas, but...
0:05:27 > 0:05:29You know she still calls those phone lines every day
0:05:29 > 0:05:31to hear her horoscope from Spain.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Imagine growing up with a person like that.
0:05:34 > 0:05:35And then there was the...
0:05:35 > 0:05:37- ..singing thing?- Yes, that thing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38Look...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40I don't mind Mum being a mentalist,
0:05:40 > 0:05:43if she is not being mental all the time.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46I mean, what was she thinking, driving that car around?
0:05:46 > 0:05:48Were you one of those kids
0:05:48 > 0:05:52that kept their toys in their boxes and never played with them?
0:05:52 > 0:05:53It depreciates the value.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55Give her a chance, love.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Are your eyes still open and your arms folded?
0:06:06 > 0:06:07No.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13You know, you could at least let me help you set things up.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Relax, Belinda! Everything is fine. It's just so great to have you here.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19- BOTTLES RATTLE - Ken's so pleased to have you here.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Hm, I don't believe that.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I'm afraid Kenneth will always be angry with the world.
0:06:23 > 0:06:27There's nothing so sad as a frustrated artist.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29How is Dad a frustrated artist?
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Oh, in his youth, your father was a wonderful singer.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34The voice of a little angel.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I used to take him round all the local music festivals.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Ooh, the performances he gave.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Course, he gave it all up to spite me.
0:06:41 > 0:06:42Please tell me there are videos.
0:06:42 > 0:06:45Ken's Morning Has Broken...
0:06:45 > 0:06:47it would make your spirit soar.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50I would give anything to hear it again.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Dad!
0:06:52 > 0:06:53Oh, Dad!
0:06:53 > 0:06:55So how come you made it this time?
0:06:55 > 0:06:57We haven't seen you for years, Belinda.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Well, obviously, to meet Horatio.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Sid.- Whichever.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03The point stands, I came to see my family.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07OK. You can see through me.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10But you have to promise not to give me away.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Absolutely.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13I am ace at keeping secrets.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14Well, the real reason is,
0:07:14 > 0:07:16there's something I need to tell Kenneth.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Oh.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20No. He should know first.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23I need to find the right time. And soon.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Why? Is there a deadline?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Well, I suppose there is the one big deadline.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29And I'm closer to mine than most.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30SHE LAUGHS
0:07:30 > 0:07:33I'm talking about death, Lorna.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Yes.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36Yes, I got that.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39HE SIGHS
0:07:39 > 0:07:40HE WHISPERS: You beauty.
0:07:46 > 0:07:49These tarot cards are powerful mystic tools,
0:07:49 > 0:07:51which will reveal secrets known
0:07:51 > 0:07:53- only to the gods. - DOOR SHUTS
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Oh, spooky.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55Oh, no.
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Not tarot, now, as well.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- Dale, pay no heed to that nonsense. - Ssh, Dad!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03We're just getting started. Go on, Nan. Turn a card over.
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Very well.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06I will turn the first card,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08which is...
0:08:08 > 0:08:10IN MENACING VOICE: Death! Ha-ha-ha!
0:08:10 > 0:08:12- What?- Ken, it's not Death.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13It's the Two of Cups.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15Oh, sorry. My mistake.
0:08:15 > 0:08:16What does Two of Cups mean?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19We shall know more when the next card comes, which is...
0:08:19 > 0:08:21IN MENACING VOICE: Death!
0:08:21 > 0:08:23- Dad!- Oh, for God's sake. It's not Death.
0:08:23 > 0:08:24It's another two.
0:08:24 > 0:08:25IN MENACING VOICE: Snap!
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Oh, Kenneth. I know you've never believed in my third eye.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- Not in front of the children, please, Mother.- Stop it.
0:08:30 > 0:08:33Your scepticism is terribly hurtful.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I've helped many people.
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Yeah, Dad. Give over.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39Oh, sorry. Whoooo, spooky!
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Go on, Nan.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44So, Two of Cups, Two of Ones...
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Dale, I see a girl.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51And she is pining for you.
0:08:51 > 0:08:53With a love that is pure and undying.
0:08:55 > 0:08:58She has loved you for many months,
0:08:58 > 0:09:01though there have been obstacles in her path.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03- Yeah. - MYSTIC MUSIC
0:09:04 > 0:09:06And she will prevail.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08HE LAUGHS
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Yes! Wh..where? Where is she?
0:09:10 > 0:09:11She is...
0:09:14 > 0:09:16..to the East.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Could be Shanghai.
0:09:17 > 0:09:19No, that... That doesn't sound very likely, Dale.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20I mean, what was that last card?
0:09:20 > 0:09:21The Sun.
0:09:21 > 0:09:24OK, yeah. I see how that's Easty -
0:09:24 > 0:09:26but could it mean somewhere hot?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Well, it's an interpretation.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Shanghai is hot.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32Or maybe it could mean that she's fiery or tans easily?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Or has a sunny personality.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37I mean, can we be certain what this really means,
0:09:37 > 0:09:39or if that girl even exists?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Nothing is certain with the tarot.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Nothing! All meaningless.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Ah, cool!
0:09:45 > 0:09:46- SHE SIGHS - Well...
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Dale, the ceremony's tomorrow, shouldn't you be...
0:09:49 > 0:09:50researching?
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- Yeah, should probably do that. - Yeah! Come on then.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Thanks, Nan. That was lovely.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03Hello. Yes. Can I speak to my consultant, please?
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- SHE SIGHS - Well, I suppose another one will do.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09Hello. Yes.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10It's cancer.
0:10:12 > 0:10:13No, go on.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Tell me what I need to know.
0:10:16 > 0:10:19Oh, God, that soon?
0:10:19 > 0:10:20SHE GASPS QUIETLY
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Well, yes. I was wondering about that moon in Aquarius.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27HE CHANTS
0:10:31 > 0:10:33DOOR OPENS
0:10:35 > 0:10:37- Hi,- Mom! Hi.
0:10:37 > 0:10:38You liking my props for tomorrow?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40- Yeah.- This ceremony is going to be so amazing,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42Uncle Sid's going to poop himself.
0:10:42 > 0:10:43Yeah, well, in all likelihood.
0:10:43 > 0:10:46- THEY LAUGH - Sorry. You were chanting and, erm...
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- and weaving.- That's all right. Here, come check it out.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50This is a tribal blanket I had to weave.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- Oh.- Pretty cool.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55Yeah, there's so many ceremonies that name babies around the world,
0:10:55 > 0:10:56and they are all so beautiful,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I figured, why not just combine them all into one?
0:10:58 > 0:11:01- Oh, right. Like a...like a mashup? - Yeah, exactly.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Do you mind helping me run through it all?
0:11:03 > 0:11:05Yeah, sure. What you want me to do?
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- On the day, it's going to be me and Sid.- Mm-hm.
0:11:07 > 0:11:08So I figured I could be me
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- and you could be Sid.- OK.- OK.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13SHE WAILS
0:11:13 > 0:11:14- What?! - THEY LAUGH
0:11:14 > 0:11:15That's amazing!
0:11:15 > 0:11:18The only thing is, he's probably going to be on his back,
0:11:18 > 0:11:19waving his arms in the air.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20Let's imagine that bit.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22All right. Let's do it.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30Ken?
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Will you do something...for me?
0:11:32 > 0:11:33It depends what it is.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36First, you have to swear that you'll do that for me.
0:11:36 > 0:11:37It's just a small thing.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39All right.
0:11:39 > 0:11:40I swear it.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Take your mother on a drive tomorrow morning,
0:11:42 > 0:11:44before the party.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Make peace with her.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Lorna, you traitor.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48That is not a small thing.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51Please.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52Have some...alone time with her.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Do it for me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56You can take the...Stagmobile.
0:11:56 > 0:11:57It's called a Stag.
0:11:57 > 0:11:58Ken?
0:11:58 > 0:12:00You won't have her forever.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15- DALE:- 'And then...'
0:12:15 > 0:12:18I take the water from the coconut
0:12:18 > 0:12:20and sprinkle it on Sid.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22- Dale, stop it!- What?
0:12:22 > 0:12:24Dale, give me that!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26THEY LAUGH
0:12:26 > 0:12:27- OK, OK. - No, but this is serious.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Remember, if you mess this up, I'll be without a name.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Right. OK, sorry.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33- Serious.- Yes.
0:12:33 > 0:12:34SHE LAUGHS
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Then, I, er...
0:12:37 > 0:12:38take the kohl.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41OK.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42- Oh.- And...
0:12:42 > 0:12:45I line...
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Sid's eyes.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50And then your cheeks.
0:12:51 > 0:12:54And then, I erm...
0:12:55 > 0:12:56..I feed you honey.
0:12:58 > 0:12:59Oh, just...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- SHE MUMBLES - Oh.
0:13:01 > 0:13:02THEY LAUGH
0:13:04 > 0:13:05What next?
0:13:07 > 0:13:10I take this corn on the cob and I...
0:13:10 > 0:13:11rub it all over you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:14- Well, I think you've got it from here.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- OK.- OK. Thank you. - THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
0:13:21 > 0:13:22DOOR SHUTS
0:13:23 > 0:13:25BIRDS CHEEP
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Yes, very impressive, Mother.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30We could, perhaps, slow down a little, eh?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Your father didn't like driving fast. I always said,
0:13:32 > 0:13:34"Trust the universe, Alan,
0:13:34 > 0:13:37"and it will send no pedestrians".
0:13:37 > 0:13:38And it rarely did.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42You know, Lorna thinks I'm mean to you.
0:13:42 > 0:13:43Oh, soak it up.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47Your children never forgive you for falling short of perfection.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48HE LAUGHS
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Is that what you think?
0:13:49 > 0:13:52As a mother, you fall short of perfection?
0:13:52 > 0:13:55I had hoped this would be a chance to chat,
0:13:55 > 0:13:56have a nice time.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58What do I need to do?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00What will make this a pleasant time,
0:14:00 > 0:14:03where we can talk like a mother and her son?
0:14:03 > 0:14:05There is something you could do, actually.
0:14:08 > 0:14:09ENGINE REVS
0:14:09 > 0:14:11You little cracker.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13Like a choir of throaty young beauties.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14ENGINE REVS
0:14:14 > 0:14:16No time like the present, Ken. Time to drive it.
0:14:16 > 0:14:17- ENGINE REVS - Drive on.
0:14:17 > 0:14:19Yes, I'm going to. Thank you, Mother.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21ENGINE REVS
0:14:22 > 0:14:23And...
0:14:23 > 0:14:25second gear.
0:14:25 > 0:14:27And indicator, Kenneth.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Where's your indicator?
0:14:29 > 0:14:30And...
0:14:30 > 0:14:31third gear.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33Mother, I am a driver of 30 years' standing.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Don't throw one of your ridiculous tantrums again -
0:14:36 > 0:14:39and use your mirrors. Your father always said,
0:14:39 > 0:14:40"Kenneth is a stranger to mirrors.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43"It's a wonder he knows what he looks like".
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Eyes on the road.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47Can you please stop back-seat driving?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Keep calm. You cannot afford to lose your temper like this.
0:14:51 > 0:14:53So predictable. When I saw your horoscope this morning,
0:14:53 > 0:14:55I knew you'd be stubborn, stubborn...
0:14:55 > 0:14:57I'm not going to let this rile me up.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59ENGINE REVS I am not going to let you get to me.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01SHE TALKS I'm going to rise above it.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03CAR ACCELERATES I am going to rise above it.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05I am going to rise above it!
0:15:05 > 0:15:06SAD PIANO MUSIC
0:15:16 > 0:15:17DOORBELL RINGS
0:15:20 > 0:15:22What the fuck? Back off!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24Welcome to the multi-faith blessing ceremony
0:15:24 > 0:15:25for Uncle Sid Thompson.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Please come in. Take a flower lei.
0:15:29 > 0:15:30CROWD MURMURS
0:15:30 > 0:15:32MUSIC PLAYS
0:15:32 > 0:15:33What's going on?
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Well, every religion in the world
0:15:35 > 0:15:37has its own way of welcoming a newborn child.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I am taking the most beautiful blessings from each,
0:15:40 > 0:15:43giving them to Sid, so that every god loves him.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Sounds a bit foreign.
0:15:45 > 0:15:47Zoe! Oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50All right, Dylan? How's non-university life?
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Oh, it's great. Yeah, it's great,
0:15:52 > 0:15:53being a real man in the real world.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55Did you get my text?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58I brought my fit new boyfriend along.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00I hope that's not too upsetting for you.
0:16:00 > 0:16:01Max, right?
0:16:01 > 0:16:02Put it there, fella.
0:16:02 > 0:16:05You are very welcome, my friend.
0:16:05 > 0:16:06DYLAN SIGHS
0:16:06 > 0:16:08Right, so...who do you guys know?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Erm...
0:16:10 > 0:16:11Ah! Laura's over there.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13She is looking hot. You know Laura?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16I think you used to be best friends with her, didn't you?
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Yeah. And then you snogged her brother
0:16:18 > 0:16:21and she chucked you off the swimming team. Yeah.
0:16:24 > 0:16:25Oh, you so don't want to do this.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Do what, Zoe?
0:16:28 > 0:16:29Something awkward for you?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33I'll see you around.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36Yep.
0:16:36 > 0:16:37Yep. See you around.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Three packs of sausage rolls I bought.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46You ate them before the guests even arrived.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48Lorna, I've had a near-death experience.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50My mother tried to kill me.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52To be fair, you were driving.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54She knew what she was doing.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Ken! You should make up with her.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58You'd miss her if she was gone.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Yeah...like I'd miss a flushed turd.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03- Oh, Ken!- Hey, Ken.- Oh, God.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05I noticed you ran out of sausage rolls.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Not to worry. When I come to a party,
0:17:07 > 0:17:08I bring my own supply...
0:17:08 > 0:17:09of bhajis.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I have to say, Ken, I am impressed at the talent.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15Who is that?
0:17:18 > 0:17:19That is my mother.
0:17:19 > 0:17:20Oh!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22The family resemblance is uncanny.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24And, may I say...
0:17:25 > 0:17:26..hubba, hubba.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28No, you may not.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Hubba, hubba.
0:17:30 > 0:17:32Stop this. HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY
0:17:35 > 0:17:37HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY
0:17:52 > 0:17:54HE MUMBLES NONSENSICALLY
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Can't say much for the wine.
0:17:58 > 0:18:00My palate craves a more...
0:18:00 > 0:18:01mature vintage.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Bhaji, Mrs Thompson?
0:18:05 > 0:18:07Are you a friend of Ken's?
0:18:07 > 0:18:09- I'm Ken's best friend.- Oh!
0:18:09 > 0:18:10Steve Chance.
0:18:14 > 0:18:15GP, but former GP.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Soon to be a dotcom billionaire.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Can I ask you a very forward question?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22Depends what it is.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Was Ken a muscular child?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Belinda, can I just have a quick word?
0:18:26 > 0:18:27- I was...- Sorry, Steve.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34You really need to tell your news to Ken, Belinda.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36It's not fair to keep him in the dark.
0:18:36 > 0:18:37He's obviously furious with me.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41I think that's why he sent over that strange Steve man.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Maybe I won't say anything.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46No, maybe I'll just slip away quietly.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Oh, you can't do that!
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Well, I don't think I'll miss much.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52A slow winding down, some drawn-out goodbyes.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58SHE SIGHS
0:19:03 > 0:19:05- Hey, Dylan.- Hey, Zo. You cool?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07You're really going to do this?
0:19:07 > 0:19:08Pull Laura just to get me?
0:19:08 > 0:19:11Zoe! What a thing to say!
0:19:11 > 0:19:14You bet I am. And I'm going to enjoy it, too.
0:19:14 > 0:19:15You don't even fancy Laura!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17Nah, I don't even like her as a person.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20But, here's the thing, Zo. See, you've got to understand.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24You can't go playing mind games with the mind games master, yeah?
0:19:24 > 0:19:26So, what are we going to call this, then?
0:19:26 > 0:19:27A check-a-mate.
0:19:29 > 0:19:30Er, Laura...
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Hi. Er...
0:19:32 > 0:19:34we were just talking about...
0:19:34 > 0:19:35someone other than you.
0:19:35 > 0:19:37- Dick.- Er, babe, I...
0:19:41 > 0:19:42You are good.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45God, you are good.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51- SHE SIGHS - Ken?
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Will you please make peace with your mother?
0:19:55 > 0:19:57She is talking about leaving.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Good. She can sod off back to Spain and choke on a chorizo.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03I wasn't meant to say this, but...
0:20:05 > 0:20:08..she's dying, Ken.
0:20:08 > 0:20:09Dying?
0:20:09 > 0:20:11What do you mean?
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I mean...
0:20:13 > 0:20:14she's dying.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18That must have been what she came to tell you.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20But you were too pig-headed...
0:20:20 > 0:20:21to let her in.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23But...
0:20:23 > 0:20:24but she looks so well!
0:20:26 > 0:20:27She's so very brave, Ken.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Oh, Mum!
0:20:31 > 0:20:32Dale?
0:20:34 > 0:20:35Can I ask you something?
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Sure, Chief Ken.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37GONG CLASHES
0:20:37 > 0:20:41Greetings, everybody. Soon we will begin the baby naming ceremony.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44But, first, Chief Ken would like to say a few words.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- APPLAUSE - Yes!- Whoo!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Thanks. I, erm...
0:20:51 > 0:20:55I hadn't planned to do this, so bear with me. Erm...
0:20:55 > 0:20:57I just wanted to say that...
0:20:57 > 0:21:00sometimes you realise that...
0:21:00 > 0:21:02our time is short.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05And that the most important thing...
0:21:05 > 0:21:07is to make those that we love happy.
0:21:09 > 0:21:10HE SNIFFS
0:21:10 > 0:21:13This is for you.
0:21:13 > 0:21:15HE BREATHES HEAVILY
0:21:15 > 0:21:21# Morning has broken
0:21:21 > 0:21:26# Like the first morning
0:21:26 > 0:21:31# Blackbird has spoken
0:21:31 > 0:21:34# Like the first bird... #
0:21:34 > 0:21:36CAMERA BEEPS
0:21:36 > 0:21:40# Praise for the singing
0:21:40 > 0:21:44# Praise for the morning
0:21:44 > 0:21:48# Praise for the springing
0:21:48 > 0:21:52# Fresh from the world. #
0:21:52 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:56# Mine is the
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# Sunlight VOICE WAVERS
0:21:59 > 0:22:04IN OPERATIC STYLE: # Mine is the morning
0:22:04 > 0:22:08# Born of the one light
0:22:08 > 0:22:14# Eden saw play
0:22:14 > 0:22:19# Praise with elation
0:22:19 > 0:22:24# Praise every morning
0:22:24 > 0:22:30# God's recreation
0:22:30 > 0:22:32IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE: # Of the new
0:22:32 > 0:22:36# Day! #
0:22:38 > 0:22:40APPLAUSE Thank you.
0:22:42 > 0:22:43That's for you, Mum.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- DYLAN:- Bloody golden!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Mum, have you got the e-mail for dad's office?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Terrible, Ken.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50I'm just a friend saying that.
0:22:50 > 0:22:51Well, if you knew anything about music,
0:22:51 > 0:22:53you'd know it was actually incredible, so...
0:22:53 > 0:22:54Bellend.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57HE SIGHS HEAVILY
0:22:57 > 0:22:58You were wonderful!
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Oh, you did that for me! Oh!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Do you feel that wind?
0:23:03 > 0:23:05That's Alan.
0:23:05 > 0:23:08It feels like a proud wind.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10GONG CLASHES
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Ladies and gentlemen...
0:23:12 > 0:23:13- BABY CRIES - Oh!
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- Oh! - ALL:- Aww!
0:23:17 > 0:23:19- Hello, little Sid!- Look at you!
0:23:19 > 0:23:23Every culture celebrates the arrival of a baby
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- in a different way. - MYSTICAL MUSIC
0:23:26 > 0:23:29The Chinese bless their children
0:23:29 > 0:23:32with red thread, and, so...
0:23:32 > 0:23:36I shall take this thread
0:23:36 > 0:23:38and tie it in Uncle Sid's hair.
0:23:38 > 0:23:39- ALL:- Aww!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41I shut you out, Mum.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42And that was wrong of me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Oh, Ken.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- What's got into you?- In Japan...
0:23:46 > 0:23:49- the umbilical cord... - I just want you to know that...
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- ..is packaged...- ..I will miss you.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53..inside a small, wooden box.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54..when you're gone.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Oh, back to Spain?- As we are lacking an umbilical cord...- No, I mean...
0:23:57 > 0:23:59..we will use a piece of spaghetti.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02..I mean when you die.
0:24:02 > 0:24:03A bit morbid, Kenneth.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Come on.
0:24:05 > 0:24:06I know.
0:24:06 > 0:24:07- Thank you. - KEN SIGHS
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Lorna told me about your announcement.
0:24:10 > 0:24:11I know you're dying.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14No, I'm not dying.
0:24:14 > 0:24:15What?!
0:24:15 > 0:24:18- Lorna!- Hindus perform the ceremony Jatakarma...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20- Come here!- ..to present the baby honey at birth.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24Mum's not dying!
0:24:24 > 0:24:26She is.
0:24:26 > 0:24:27Aren't you?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I think I would know.
0:24:29 > 0:24:30Oh, for fuck's sake.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Oh, bollocks! The last hour is a void!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35I only sang that, cos I thought you were a goner.
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Ken, she had big news. - DALE CHANTS
0:24:38 > 0:24:40I heard her talking to her consultant.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42My horoscope consultant.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43Oh, my God.
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Oh, yes. That does make sense.
0:24:45 > 0:24:46DALE SHOUTS IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you all
0:24:48 > 0:24:49by not being terminally ill.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Now for a quick costume change.
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Oh, come on, Belinda.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54No-one wants you to be TERMINALLY ill.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57- You can speak for yourself. - Anyway, I do have big news.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Ssh! Guys!
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Dale's worked really hard at this!
0:25:01 > 0:25:03Come on. Spit it out.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- Well...- Come on, Belinda.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08- In accordance with Jewish... - Whatever it is, just tell us!
0:25:08 > 0:25:09..I shall perform the bris.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11The thing I came to tell you was...
0:25:11 > 0:25:14- Hey, Dad. You might want to see this.- Not now, Dylan.
0:25:14 > 0:25:15..Alan was not your real father.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17KEN GASPS
0:25:17 > 0:25:18MUSIC BUILDS
0:25:18 > 0:25:19No, no, Dad, seriously.
0:25:19 > 0:25:21I was already pregnant when I met Alan.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23What?! MUSIC BUILDS
0:25:23 > 0:25:24AUDIENCE GASPS
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- ALL:- Oh!
0:25:26 > 0:25:27BABY CRIES What just happened?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Dale just circumcised Sid.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32- What?!- Mazeltov!
0:25:32 > 0:25:33BABY CRIES
0:25:40 > 0:25:42Bloody hell!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Do you think Uncle Sid will forgive me?
0:25:45 > 0:25:46BABY GURGLES
0:25:46 > 0:25:47Of course he will!
0:25:49 > 0:25:50I mean...
0:25:50 > 0:25:52some ladies prefer it, Dale.
0:25:52 > 0:25:54- Don't they, Rach?- Mm-hm.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56- And the important thing is... - LETTERBOX CLICKS
0:25:56 > 0:25:58..did you enjoy your ceremony, Dale?
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Did it...
0:25:59 > 0:26:01take your mind off things?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03It really did.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I just... I've been so in my head
0:26:05 > 0:26:07about Ling and China.
0:26:07 > 0:26:11It's nice to remember who my real family are.
0:26:11 > 0:26:12- LORNA SIGHS - Oh!
0:26:19 > 0:26:20Nothing.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- Just going for a jog.- Oh.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- You OK?- Yeah! Totally fine!
0:26:26 > 0:26:27- OK.- OK.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29Oh, yeah.
0:26:29 > 0:26:30MUSIC: Fool of Me by Say Lou Lou
0:26:30 > 0:26:33# I got plenty left
0:26:33 > 0:26:35# Stored up in my chest
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# I'll top you up
0:26:38 > 0:26:42# With the taste that I've now forgot
0:26:42 > 0:26:46# You made a fool of me
0:26:46 > 0:26:48# Lover
0:26:50 > 0:26:55# You made a fool of me
0:26:55 > 0:26:57# How funny
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# I've been told
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# I am cold
0:27:05 > 0:27:07# And known to sting
0:27:07 > 0:27:09# Forgive me, I have sinned. #